Category Archives: Health

Another Pandemic Therapy Check-In (or Hanging In There)

Posted on February 4, 2021 | Comments Off on Another Pandemic Therapy Check-In (or Hanging In There)

Earlier this week, I had my check-in with my therapist. As it’s been for a while, it was another video appointment. Even before the pandemic, a lot of my appointments were phone or video ones. And I’m ok with that because these appointments are more about checking in with medication things and not doing deeper therapy sessions as I did in the past.

I had to fill out a questionnaire before my video appointment, and it was the same one that I’ve done before. But the questions are as easy to answer as they used to be. For example, there is a section where you list if you never, sometimes, often, or always feel certain emotions. Some of the emotions are easy for me to answer. There are a few questions about if I feel like I want to harm myself or others, and that’s an easy one to say never. But then, there was a section about feeling lonely and isolated.

Of course I feel lonely and isolated! I am lonely and isolated! My last hug was 3 months ago. I don’t see my friends. I rarely speak to another person that isn’t over the phone or computer (I appreciate small talk with cashiers when I’ve gone to the grocery store so much now). Even though I could easily list that I always feel that way, I didn’t know if that was going to trigger anything before my appointment. So I listed it as often instead.

And when my appointment started, I immediately explained things to my therapist. I said that I know it appears that I’m doing worse than normal, but it’s just because the questionnaire hasn’t been adjusted for pandemic life. She and I had a bit of a laugh over it because she understood what I meant.

I saw this post on social media a few hours after my appointment, but I wish I had seen it before because it was perfect. It said something like “I’m pandemic ok which is normal awful”. And I think that’s exactly how I feel. If this was before and I felt like this, I’d be more concerned. But now, I think it’s ok that I’m having these struggles. I’d be more concerned if I didn’t have any struggles. If I felt normal in these abnormal times, I know I’d need help. But my struggles are what most people are feeling right now so it’s normal.

After going over my questionnaire, we talked about my medication. I had a bit of an unexpected break from taking Vyvanse when I was dealing with vertigo. When I was having difficulty getting out of bed, taking medication was the last thing on my mind. But it was ok to take a break and I’m back on it normally now. We discussed maybe changing up my medication because it could be good for me. But just like in my last appointment, both my therapist and I agree that making any changes now wouldn’t be the smartest thing unless I needed to. Because of these unusual times, it would be hard to know if my mental state is being affected by medication or the pandemic. But I liked the plan my therapist had for me with adding in a different medication and I think that I will try it when life is a bit more normal again.

That was pretty much all we discussed in my appointment. We did talk about wanting to feel safe again and hoping that everyone will be vaccinated soon. My fears about being out in public are valid and I’ll likely feel that way until I have been vaccinated. I think most people who have gotten both shots have said they have felt like a weight was lifted from their shoulders. While they are still nervous and cautious, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming. And I look forward to that feeling.

My next appointment will be in 6 months. When we were scheduling it, the first date my therapist suggested was actually my birthday. I told her that and she agreed that another day might be a better option (I’m trying to believe that my birthday this year will be spent with friends and it will be safe to do that). So I have another video appointment about a week after my birthday. And maybe by then, I will be able to say that I’m doing ok and not just pandemic ok.

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Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailAnother Isolated Therapy Session (or My Anxiety Is Normal) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier) Default ThumbnailDoing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping)

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Going In For A Doctor Appointment (or Making A Plan With My Dermatologist)

Posted on February 3, 2021 | Comments Off on Going In For A Doctor Appointment (or Making A Plan With My Dermatologist)

I had mentioned before that I had a really bad flare-up of my autoimmune disease. I’ve dealt with flare-ups since I was a teenager, but the one that I had recently was the worst it’s ever been. And despite hoping I could be prescribed something over the phone to help it, I also knew that there was almost no chance that would happen and I’d have to go in for an appointment. I was right and I had the appointment this past week.

In the past year, the only times I’ve been to the hospital were for urgent care, getting my flu shot, and picking up prescriptions that couldn’t be mailed. I don’t want to have to be there if I can help it right now. And of course, when I had to go, we were experiencing some of the worst numbers we’ve ever had. Fortunately, where my dermatologist is located is a side building next to the main hospital. So it wasn’t that crowded and I only saw one other person in the waiting room.

Even though my dermatologist has seen me before (he’s the one who did the small surgery on my face) and he technically confirmed I had this condition, he still wanted to make sure that he evaluated me correctly and properly put in a diagnosis from him. The autoimmune disease I have is called Hidradenitis suppurativa (or HS). Basically, it’s an inflammatory condition that causes me to have these bumps under my skin that can be extremely painful. Sometimes, they can come to the surface of my skin and it can look like acne or ingrown hair. So a lot of people are misdiagnosed for a long time. I wasn’t properly diagnosed for about 8 years. For me, it’s always been somewhat minor. I didn’t have severe flare-ups as some people have. And I still don’t have it nearly as bad as most. But it can still be extremely painful and I feel like when I have a bad flare-up I usually have other issues like fatigue.

There’s no real cure for HS, but there are treatment options. And the one I was most familiar with was an injectable medication that can help. But it can also make you immunocompromised, so I knew I didn’t want to try that (at least not now). But my dermatologist is one of the few doctors who is very familiar with HS and how to manage it. So I was ready to hear what he had to say when we discussed this more seriously.

He quickly confirmed my diagnosis (which I knew would happen) and talked to me about a few different treatment options. He knew my issues with the injectable medication for now, so we didn’t really talk about that. But he did discuss some surgical options. I didn’t realize I would be a good candidate for surgery, but it was interesting to hear how it can be a permanent solution for a specific area. I don’t want to do surgery just yet, but I’m glad he brought it up so I could do some research on my own so I can be more familiar with it if it comes up again as a good option for me.

There are a few things I already do, like using specific soaps, but I knew there were other topical options as well as medications I could try. And my dermatologist decided that trying a daily pill would be the best one for me to start with. This isn’t a cure and it won’t make it go away forever, but it has the possibility to make my flare-ups not as frequent or severe. There’s no guarantee it will work, but I’m willing to give it the time to work. So for the next 3 months, I’m testing out this medication and will go back in for another appointment when I’m done. Then we will take it from there.

Maybe this medication will work and maybe it will fail. I will say that it’s almost been a week and my pain isn’t as bad. I still have a lot of flare-ups, but they are getting smaller. But that could just be the regular lifecycle of them. I’m trying to stay optimistic because at least I’m trying something. And if this doesn’t work, I’m just grateful that my doctor is going to keep working with me on this. I’ve had doctors in the past who didn’t understand how HS worked and the treatment options and they were offering solutions that I knew wouldn’t work. Having someone on my team who gets it is a huge victory on its own.

All I can do for now is continue to take the medication and hope for the best. And in 3 months, we’ll see what the next step will be. But it’s still more of a plan than I’ve had in a long time, which is giving me a lot of hope.

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My First Doctor Appointment In A While (or Not Everything Can Be Done Over The Phone)

Posted on January 22, 2021 | Comments Off on My First Doctor Appointment In A While (or Not Everything Can Be Done Over The Phone)

Last year, I didn’t go to a lot of doctor appointments that I was planning on having. Because of the pandemic, I didn’t want to have to go to the hospital more than I needed to. And while some of my appointments were regular ones, the ones I skipped weren’t urgent and I knew I could put them off for a little while. If any of my doctors told me I had to go to an appointment, I would have gone. But nothing was needed and I think all my doctors understood why I was postponing them.

One of the appointments I skipped was with my dermatologist. That appointment was going to be for a regular annual checkup and most of what is done at those appointments are things like skin checks for skin cancer. Since I didn’t really go out in the sun at all last year, I didn’t think having my skin checked for sun damage was really necessary. I also had some other questions I wanted to ask my doctor, but again, nothing was urgent so I was fine putting it off.

But then my autoimmune condition flared up really badly and I knew that I needed to get some more help than what I can do on my own. My dermatologist wasn’t the one who diagnosed me (that was another doctor), but he was the most recent one to discuss treatment options with me so I figured he would be the right person to reach out to. I started with just an email to my doctor and he wanted to set up a phone appointment to talk about what’s going on. I was hoping somehow a phone appointment would be enough for me to get some help even though this was discussing something with my skin.

I had my phone appointment the other day and it went ok. I discussed the pain I was in and what options I knew I was ok with and what I wasn’t ok with (there is one medication I could try but it would make me immunocompromised so I don’t want to do that). But like I suspected, this type of appointment wasn’t really able to be done on the phone and my doctor said I needed to come in.

Fortunately, I was able to get an appointment for next week, so things should be better for me soon. And I am lucky because my dermatologist is familiar with my autoimmune condition (it’s not something that all doctors understand or have experience treating). He wants to go over a few options that I have for treating things and he didn’t seem too worried about my concerns with some medications. So I’m hopeful that after next week I will have a good idea of a treatment plan I can work with.

I’ve had this issue for a long time and have tried a few different treatments in the past, but I’ve never really worked with one doctor who was very familiar with it and was willing to work on a long-term plan with me. I’ve had other doctors who wanted me to temporarily try one medication or another to see what it would do, even though the studies say those medications don’t work. That’s why I never have stuck it out with one doctor or a treatment plan. But now, I feel good about going forward with this and I’m hoping that in a week or so I will have a better idea about how I can get out of pain and maybe make it so I don’t have to deal with this as often as I do. I know it’s not likely to be resolved right away, but feeling like I’m on a path to figuring it out will be helpful.

I am a little nervous about having to go into the hospital for this appointment, but the medical offices are not the same building as the main hospital. So I won’t be around as many people and those who are going in for more serious things will be in a different building. And I’m sure there is some sort of plan so that there aren’t too many people in the waiting room at one time.

Even if I feel totally comfortable after this appointment with how things go at the hospital, I still think I will be waiting on some other appointments for a little while. Unless I have something come up where I need to be seen sooner or my doctors tell me they want me to come in, I want to wait until I am vaccinated and the case numbers are a bit more under control. And then I can go in and take care of everything I skipped.

Hopefully, next week goes just as smoothly as I hope it will be and I will have a good treatment plan in the works and out of the pain that I’ve been in for a while.

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Default ThumbnailBack To Back Doctor Days (or At Least This Was A Virtual Appointment) Default ThumbnailNew Year Another New Doctor (or Getting Ready To Get Some Stitches) Default ThumbnailAnother Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps) Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailBack To Focusing On Health (or Back To Back Doctor Appointments) Default ThumbnailLast Dentist Appointment For A While (or Not Really A Quick Appointment)

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Getting Hopeful About The Vaccine (or Why I’m Being Even More Careful Now)

Posted on January 21, 2021 | Comments Off on Getting Hopeful About The Vaccine (or Why I’m Being Even More Careful Now)

Since March, I’ve been very careful with what I do. I don’t leave my house that often. I try to get most of the things I need delivered to my house so I can avoid going to the store. There are a few times I do go to the store to get things, but that’s pretty rare. I usually only do that if it’s a store that I can’t get things delivered to me or if I have an urgent need to get something (like when I needed more bandages and had to go to CVS instead of waiting on a delivery).

I have seen friends and family very few times. When I do see people, it’s typically wearing masks and I’m doing a full quarantine before and after. If I can’t be outside when I see people, usually windows and doors are open. I know that even doing that isn’t as safe as it can be, but it’s better than not taking any precautions and I have tried to limit those visits as much as I can. It’s hard to not see anyone in real life, so having a few times where I can see people has helped in the very lonely moments.

I feel like in a way I have become a bit of a germaphobe and agoraphobic, but I feel like these fears are temporary and should go away once it’s safer to be out and I don’t feel like it’s a big health risk to be out and about. I’m not fearful of anything other than COVID as far as germs go. So once that isn’t an issue, I don’t see why I would still be scared. I want to leave my house and do more, but COVID is the one thing holding me back from doing that right now.

And with all the precautions and measures I’ve been taking lately, I’ve actually started to do more work to keep me safe now. This may seem odd because we now have a vaccine and people are starting to be vaccinated, but that’s exactly why I am being more careful now.

I feel very good about the vaccine. It is amazing how well it is showing to stop COVID and the technology that led to this vaccine might be able to do some great things for other diseases and conditions. I will be getting the vaccine the moment that I am able to. I still have to wait because I’m not in a group that is eligible yet, but I hope that in the next month or two I will be able to get my first shot.

My brother (who works in an ER) has already gotten both of his shots. My parents (who fit into the older age category) got their first one earlier this week and have an appointment for their second one next month. My cousin (who is a nurse) has also already gotten one vaccine. I’m so grateful that my family is hopefully going to be safe and soon I won’t have to worry about them as much as I have been worried over the past year.

And it’s just a matter of time before I will get a vaccine and be protected. But I don’t want to be the person who takes risks before being fully vaccinated and gets sick at the end. I remember reading stories of people who died right before they could have been saved, and to me, that is one of the saddest things. In almost all of those cases, the people died at no fault of their own. But in this case, I can have a little control over whether or not I get sick. I don’t have to take risks now when we are almost at the end. The finish line is closer and I don’t need to rush anything. I don’t love being isolated, but I’m almost done with it. And being isolated for another few months is worth knowing that I am safe and healthy.

I do not want to get sick when I am so close to not having to worry about it. And hopefully, once I’m vaccinated there will be enough people vaccinated that we will see a big decrease in cases. That will protect others who won’t be vaccinated yet. There will be a snowball effect of decreasing risk. And while we don’t know if this is going to be an annual thing that we need to be vaccinated against, like the flu, I think we all need to see that we can get past this time to feel better about any times we have to battle it in the future. If we see the vaccines end the pandemic, hopefully if there needs to be an annual booster people will get it.

I know that I won’t be able to just be free and do anything once I’m vaccinated, but I think it will help take the edge off of my fear about getting sick. I will still take a lot of precautions and will probably stay isolated a little longer until more people are vaccinated and the cases are much lower than they are now. But knowing I’m almost safe and protected is giving me so much hope and I just have to keep going with that feeling.

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Remembering To Stay Calm (or Trying To Not Let The Little Things Get To Me)

Posted on January 15, 2021 | Comments Off on Remembering To Stay Calm (or Trying To Not Let The Little Things Get To Me)

Right now, it feels like there is very little that I can control. And the few things I can control aren’t the healthiest things (like how much/little I eat or sleep). And with so much that is out of my control, I almost want to have more control just to feel like it’s not as crazy. And when I can’t do that or if things don’t go the way I hope, it can be really tough to tolerate since I have so little happening in my life.

A good example is getting my groceries delivered. I very rarely go to the grocery store myself. I try to limit it to going to Trader Joe’s once a month or so because there are some things I can only get there. Most of the things I need I can get from another grocery store that delivers to me. I might have to make some changes to that because the grocery store I’ve been using fired all their union drivers to use non-union drivers, but that’s a separate issue (although maybe firing all the old drivers is what caused this issue).

The grocery delivery I have been using gives you different options when you select what time you want it delivered. There are 1 -hour, 2-hour, and 4-hour windows. The 1-hour ones are the most expensive and the 4-hour ones are the cheapest (none are free). I will usually pick a 4-hour window unless there are no other times coming up in the next day or two. And that’s something I encountered over the weekend when I tried to get some groceries delivered. The only option was a 1-hour window, so I paid for that and figured I’d have my groceries soon.

But they never arrived. I still don’t know what happened, but they “forgot” to have someone pick up my order to deliver it to me. And since the day ended, they canceled my order. I was fine and didn’t need the groceries at that moment, but it was still frustrating because I was hoping to make something for dinner that night that I couldn’t. And I was looking forward to knowing I was done with my grocery shopping for the week. Since my order was canceled, I placed another one for another day and was able to get a 4-hour delivery window.

Then that delivery never arrived on time. It did finally arrive about 5 hours late, and I guess late is better than never. But my frustration just kept building. I know that this is a service that there are human errors and delays that can happen, but it was one of the only things in my control and even that was no longer that way. I know it’s not a big deal, but it just felt that way to me. And I had to remember to not let this be a bigger thing than it really is.

I know staying calm these days is so important. Stress isn’t good for us at any time, but right now I know it can be even worse because our baseline stress levels are so much higher than normal. And I can feel in my body when I’m too stressed. My autoimmune conditions tend to get really bad, and I’m in the middle of a really bad flareup that I know is likely due to stress. Staying calm won’t necessarily resolve and fix everything, but staying stressed isn’t going to allow it to get any better.

I’ve let lots of little things get to me in the past 10 months that I’ve been isolating at home. Some of my go-to stress relief things aren’t an option for me right now, so even my normal stress has to be taken care of in different ways. And sometimes, I can handle things just fine. But to have a little freakout at home is probably to be expected. All of us are dealing with so much and if we were handling it fine, that would almost be a sign that something is wrong because this isn’t normal and fine.

Fortunately, I didn’t get upset or frustrated with anyone else like the customer service reps for my groceries. I kept it to myself and managed it on my own. And I was able to get over it pretty quickly and move on. I know it’s ok to be frustrated and stress and recognizing that and allowing myself moments to feel that way helps. And then I can move on with my day and hopefully try to stay calm and relaxed when dealing with other things in my life.

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Default ThumbnailI Guess This Is The Risk With Getting So Many Deliveries (or Thank Goodness For Good Customer Service) Default ThumbnailTime For Another MRI (or Still Trying To Stay Calm) Default ThumbnailTrying To Go With The Flow (or Staying Calm And Remembering To Breathe) Default ThumbnailTrying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over) Default ThumbnailAppreciating The Little Things (or I’m Lucky To Have Awesome Friends) Default ThumbnailStill Wondering About The New Normal (or Baby Steps Back)

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Having My Story Out There (or Welcome To Any New Readers!)

Posted on December 15, 2020 | Comments Off on Having My Story Out There (or Welcome To Any New Readers!)

Back in July, I wrote a post about how I was a guest on a new podcast. I was invited to be on Brianne Davis-Gantt’s Secret Life Podcast. It was a podcast that hadn’t come out yet, but I heard about it through Brianne’s husband. He had posted about the new podcast and invited anyone who has a secret in their life to submit their story. Even though my eating disorder isn’t really a secret anymore, it was a big secret in my life for a long time. And I know that it is a secret for so many people.

I had the best time recording this podcast episode over the summer. Brianne was wonderful and she made me feel so at ease. This was the first time we had met, but she was so open and friendly and it felt like I was just sharing my story with a friend. I didn’t feel judged at all, which is so important when sharing a secret. And I felt like we had an amazing conversation.

We did discuss this blog a bit (which is why I might have some new readers) and how I originally wasn’t going to write about my eating disorder on here. Before starting this blog, I had another one that was going to be anonymous where I thought I could be open and honest about what was happening. But by hiding who I was, I wasn’t being open. And that was a big reason why my first blog failed. And with this blog, I wasn’t going to share that part of my life because I was terrified about how people would react. But sharing my story on here was the best decision I made for myself and it has only benefitted me. I have received a little negativity after sharing my story, but it has been so out there that it hasn’t bothered me (like someone blaming my eating disorder on not praying every day). Sharing has been such a good thing and I’m so grateful that I had another chance to do it.

I will admit, I was a little nervous between recording the episode and it when it was released. Mainly, I was nervous that I sounded dumb or said something I didn’t mean the way it sounded. I’m aware that I can sound dingy at times, and my vocal inflections don’t help that. But I hoped that I sounded the way I wanted to. And even though I felt pretty certain that the reaction to the episode would be positive, you never know. But it’s only been out for a day, and it’s already getting good feedback! And I am so happy about that!

And I would love for you all to listen to it as well! I hope that you find that it’s a slightly different take from how I share about my eating disorder here. And I highly recommend subscribing to the Secret Life Podcast and listening to the other episodes. I have been subscribed since the beginning and every episode has been incredible. I almost don’t feel worthy to have my story on there because I don’t know if it’s as good as the others. But I am trying to shut that little voice down and remind myself that my story is important too.

And if you are new here, as I mentioned in the episode, I have some resource links available if you are looking for help. It’s hard to start getting help, but as long as you are ready to receive the help you get it can be amazing. I know for me, I had the information way before I was ready. Before I was ready, I couldn’t really take it in and I wasn’t able to implement the things I needed to. But once I was ready to start my journey toward recovery, I’m so glad I had a lot of information I could use and it has been a great tool for me.

Thank you again to Brianne and Mark for letting me be a part of the podcast! I really am so grateful that you gave me this chance. And by putting myself out there in a different way and being honest to more people, I think this might help me just as much (or more) than it helps people who listen to it. I know that keeping a secret can only make things worse. So being more and more honest hopefully will only make things better.

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Default ThumbnailContinuing To Find Ways To Be Creative (or Podcasts and Online Shows) Default ThumbnailHaving To Defend Myself (or My Eating Disorder Isn’t Taken Seriously By Others) Default ThumbnailBeing As Honest As Possible (or Making People Feel Awkward) Default ThumbnailBinge Eating In The Media (or More Help Might Be On The Way) Default ThumbnailFinding Some More Control (or How Medical Stuff and Dating Stuff Are Alike) Default ThumbnailFeeling Normal Again (or Happy To Be Back In Control)

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Feeling Like I’m Catching Up (or A Month With Vertigo)

Posted on December 4, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Like I’m Catching Up (or A Month With Vertigo)

It’s been about a month since I got sick with vertigo. Even though it was more severe than I ever had experienced, I thought it wouldn’t take too long to get over it. I had never had vertigo last a day, so I thought I just needed to recover the day it hit me and the next day it might be better. I had no idea how bad it would get (since the second day was actually worse than the first) or how long it would take to recover.

I don’t know if I’m completely over it. I still have moments where I need to catch or steady myself. I still feel like things are a little harder for me than they used to be. Most of the time, I’m not feeling dizzy, but occasionally it does hit me and I need to let it pass. But those moments are becoming rare and they pass quickly.

It felt like it took forever to recover and things progressed slowly. It took almost a week before I felt like I could walk without holding onto a wall. For over 2 weeks, I would have to sit down from time to time in the shower because I would get hit with vertigo. My workouts are still a bit tough, but I’m noticing a difference. For example, for a while, any exercise on my back made the room spin (like doing crunches). Now, I notice a little bit of swaying when I do floor exercises or get up off the floor, but it’s not as constant as it was.

Now that I’m finally feeling better, I’m starting to do all the things that I had been putting off. Most of it is related to cleaning since I wasn’t keeping up with cleaning my house. But I also have been working on little projects that I had to put on hold. Some of these projects are more idea-type things and not physical projects, but I still stopped working on them when I wasn’t feeling ok. When you are dizzy a lot, you don’t feel like you can focus on writing stuff down or researching. And it took a while before I felt comfortable spending a lot of time sitting at my computer. Even when I could sit at my computer, I was taking a lot of breaks to rest. Now, I feel like I can do a full day of working if I had to.

There aren’t a ton of things I need to do since there isn’t much going on in my life. But it still feels good to be able to get things accomplished and feel like I’m doing something with my day. I’m still a bit cautious to not do too much in case that makes me have vertigo again, but I am pushing myself to get more and more each day. And that means I get to feel more and more accomplished each day. That’s a feeling I have been missing and it’s nice to have it back again.

A month ago, I had no clue vertigo could be as bad as it was. I only had experienced short bouts of it and to me, those were horrible enough. It’s awful when the world is spinning around you and there is nothing you can do to make it stop. But it has always stopped just as quickly as it started and I was able to move on with my day. I had never experienced this slow recovery from vertigo and having to learn how to deal with whatever it is like each day. It’s been a learning process, not just how to deal with vertigo but how to be patient with recovering. I still am impatient and not good at letting myself take time to get better. But I’m working on it. I hope that I never experience vertigo like this again, but if I do I hope that I am more prepared to deal with it and I can have an easier recovery than I have had this past month.

And hopefully, in another week or two, this will all be a memory and I won’t be thinking about vertigo at all. I’m ready to be over it and feeling completely normal again. I know that I won’t be living a completely normal life when I’m over it because things are still weird here with safer at home orders, but I’m ready to be dealing with only 1 weird thing at a time.

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Dealing With A Small Setback (or At Least I Can Manage Vertigo A Bit More)

Posted on November 19, 2020 | Comments Off on Dealing With A Small Setback (or At Least I Can Manage Vertigo A Bit More)

After all my talk about trying to prevent a setback, I had one yesterday. It wasn’t bad, but I did have more vertigo than the day before. It wasn’t anything like when I first got it, but it still scared me. I don’t want to get any worse, and even a small setback makes me fearful that is exactly what is happening.

I noticed that I was experiencing more vertigo from the moment I woke up yesterday. When I got out of bed, I almost fell forward. I was able to catch myself and stand up, but I was much less stable on my feet. I was holding onto the walls to walk, but at least I could walk. And as my morning went on, I was getting a little better but still not as good as I had been doing.

This vertigo was a bit different from the initial vertigo. When I got sick, it was like the world was tilted or spinning around me. I couldn’t tell up from down and I felt like everything was constantly moving. This time, it was more like being dizzy when I moved too quickly. It was almost like my eyes couldn’t keep up with my head. If I turned to the side, my vision took a second to get there. And the time it took to focus made the world sway back and forth. But once my vision caught up, it didn’t sway as much. And by the end of the day, I was able to walk without holding on to the walls. It’s a little sad when that is what I consider a victory, but I had to think that way. I woke up not able to walk without holding on and I ended the day unsteady but not needing to always hold on.

I took things very easy yesterday because of this. I still attempted to do my workout. But beyond that, I spent most of the day resting and not moving around too much. I wanted to do more, but I knew that clearly I had overdone it before and that’s why I was experiencing the setback. So I needed to be resting even more so I could stop the setback and not have another one.

As much as I told myself that this recovery was not going to be as easy as I wanted it to be, it’s still frustrating to have a setback. I’m better at managing vertigo now that I’ve been having it for almost 2 weeks. I know things I can do to feel a bit better or to make my life a little easier. And hopefully, this is the only setback I have and from now on I’ll just have progress forward until I get over this completely.

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Doing A Lot While Sitting (or Weird Productivity)

Posted on November 18, 2020 | Comments Off on Doing A Lot While Sitting (or Weird Productivity)

I never understood how annoying recovery from vertigo could be until now. Then again, I never experienced vertigo that lasted more than a few hours before. Recovery before was pretty quick. Whenever vertigo ended, it was over. Usually, that was almost like a light switch. One moment I had it and the next I didn’t. Rarely, I would feel vertigo lessen over the course of a few minutes or an hour. But it still ended quickly and I felt like myself again before I knew it.

This time, it’s been a long and annoying recovery. I don’t feel like I’m over it at all. I’m doing significantly better, but I still am dizzy a lot during the day. When I wake up in the morning, I have had some of the worst vertigo of the day. It’s a bit scary because I’m worried that I have had a setback and that the day was going to be really bad. But I’m grateful it hasn’t been like that. But just because I’m not having a setback doesn’t mean I’m having amazing progress. The progress is slow and frustrating. My mind wants to do so much and my body just can’t.

I’m continuing to take it easy when I can. I am cautious when I’m walking because I know I might need to hold on to a wall. I do a lot of sitting and laying down during the day. I will nap if I need to because I know that it’s not a bad thing. But taking it easy is never something that I have done well. I usually push myself a lot and want to challenge myself. I guess vertigo is teaching me to be gentle and slow down, but I also want to make sure I’m not wasting my days when I’m finally doing better.

But because of how dizzy I am still getting, what I can do each day is limited. So for the past few days, I’ve been doing things that I can do while sitting down. I have done some cooking while sitting (which isn’t easy and not something I’m doing a lot). I’ve reorganized my dresser drawers and refolded a lot of my workout and athleisure clothes while sitting in front of the drawer. And I’m starting to work on cleaning up my file cabinets and seeing what I really need to keep and how I can make my desk a more productive space while sitting.

I’m not usually someone who sits while I do these types of things. I like being able to walk around while working on a project and having different spaces for different piles. But for now, I really don’t want to do that. Even though I probably could do it, it’s easy for me to just sit and I’m not worried about falling while walking. And I’m starting to get used to how weird it feels to be sitting in one spot while doing these things.

I still hope that I stop having vertigo issues soon. I’m so ready to be over it and to get back to doing more things that I want to do. I try to remind myself how much better I’m doing now than I was doing last week, but I also feel like I’m still so far from how I am normally.

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Still Dealing With Vertigo (or This May Take A While To Recover From)

Posted on November 12, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Dealing With Vertigo (or This May Take A While To Recover From)

As I wrote yesterday, I have been dealing with some very severe vertigo. This is vertigo like I’ve never experienced before. I could be laying down in bed and the room would still be spinning around me. I’m used to being able to make it stop if I am not sitting or standing. But this time, even being flat on my back wasn’t enough to stop it when it was the most severe.

It started on Saturday and I would say that Saturday night and Sunday were the worst days for me. I couldn’t walk. I had to crawl to the bathroom. I wasn’t able to make it to my kitchen for the majority of that time. And when I did make it to my kitchen, it exhausted me and took a long time to make everything stop spinning.

Monday and Tuesday were a bit better, but still pretty brutal. I slept most of Tuesday away because I just couldn’t stay awake. I am writing this on Wednesday and I’m still dealing with vertigo. I’m doing a bit better than I was the day before, but it’s still not gone. I have been holding on to the walls when I’m walking from time to time. I can stand up for longer without falling over, but I still have to keep catching myself. When I did my dishes, I needed breaks because it felt like I was working out so hard. When I finally felt like my balance was enough so I could shower, that felt like a huge ordeal. I had no idea how much it can take it out of you to just stay balanced.

I didn’t go to the doctor because this is pretty standard (although severe) vertigo. And I’ve been trying different over the counter things to help. I also have started to do some exercises that are supposed to help. The exercises are mainly turning your head from side to side in different positions. The idea is that vertigo like I have is typically caused by the crystals in your ear being in the wrong spot, so your brain can’t figure out what is up or down. So these exercises are supposed to help get the crystals back into place. Most of them say that you will have instant relief when doing it, but that’s not my case. But I am seeing improvements so I’m doing them and hoping for the best.

It’s so frustrating to not really be able to do much. I can’t work out. I struggle to watch tv because I can’t focus on the screen. Reading is pretty much impossible right now. All I feel like doing is sleeping, and I’m letting myself do that because clearly, my body needs it. But I’m on day 5 of this is I’m ready to move on. My body doesn’t agree with my brain so I have to just listen to my body. I’m hoping that it will only be a few more days before I can start getting back to normal, but I also know that I might have another week of recovering ahead of me.

All I can do is rest when I need to, listen to my body, and keep trying the few things I have that are supposed to help. I know this isn’t going to last forever even if it feels like it will.

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