I have joked for a few months now that 2020 is the year that didn’t happen. It seems like this year doesn’t exist. Nothing is progressing forward (or it’s progressing a fraction of what it should be). It seems like I’m just moving along this year but not doing anything. So it really does feel like until the pandemic is over and it is safe to get back to life, everything is on hold and time isn’t really happening. I know it sounds weird, but that’s the best way to explain how this stagnation feels to me.
Well if 2020 is the year that didn’t happen, last week was the week that didn’t happen. I know that it’s ok that’s how my week went because I was dealing with vertigo and had to take care of myself. But it’s still weird to think back to last week and not really know what I did with all my time.
I have some things that I know that I did. I know when I was trying to work. I know when I was doing a virtual movie hangout with friends. I know when I tried to do some cooking. But for a lot of the week, I was in a bit of a cloud. I tried to read sometimes but gave up when it was too difficult to focus on the words. I know I took a lot of naps. Some of those naps lasted hours and I slept away the majority of the day. I tried to watch tv from time to time, but it wasn’t easy to keep my eyes on the screen when things were spinning or swaying.
Maybe I slept away more of the week than I remember. That’s the easy explanation for why I don’t remember how I passed the time. But I know that I probably also just zoned out from time to time and that’s what occupied my time. It’s weird to feel so confused about what I did, but there’s nothing to show me what I did since I spent all my time alone in my house. I guess it’s a good thing that I was safe and had everything that I needed in my house.
The vertigo is still affecting me, but it’s much less than what it was like last week. I am able to read and watch tv and it doesn’t bother me to focus on stuff. I’m doing a bit more work and trying to do more things sitting up rather than laying down. While the vertigo was at its worst, sitting up was very difficult. It’s still not normal, but I can do it more and more. And I want to get back to things that I know I didn’t do last week that I was planning on doing.
I’m still trying to apply for jobs because I do need to find work. I want to believe that my job will be back soon, but I really don’t know when it will be an option for me. I also technically don’t know if I’ll be guaranteed my job back when locations reopen, but I feel pretty comfortable that it will be offered to me. I’m only looking at jobs that are remote, but that’s more and more common now so that helps a bit. But there still aren’t that many jobs out there while things are still shutdown.
And I didn’t do any work on my book last week. I was doing really great the first week of the month, but then nothing happened the second week. I’m trying to get back into the groove of writing, but it’s hard when I fell out of that habit already. I’m not trying to make up for the time that I wasn’t working on it, but that’s ok because finishing the book wasn’t necessarily my goal this time. I would love to finish it, but there are other things that I can do that would be big accomplishments with the book other than writing the entire thing.
I’m hoping that the vertigo won’t affect my week too much this week. I’m trying to push myself a little bit more every day, but I’m also aware that if I do too much I could have a huge setback. It’s a balancing act and I’m constantly testing myself and seeing what I can do. There are a few things that I’m not even considering, like trying to drive my car or doing some jump rope work during my workouts. But for most things in my house, I’m trying to do more and more of what my normal routine is these days.
I know it’s ok to have a lost week, especially during a lost year. But I don’t want to be in the habit of not accomplishing things week to week because I know that I could do that and it won’t be doing anything good for me. I need to continue to try to be productive and find a purpose while I’m not living my full and normal life.
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What Will Happen In A Week (or Why I’m Excited And Scared To Go Home)
Mini College Reunion And Restricted Activity (or My Week In Workouts)
All My Plans Didn’t Happen (or Vertigo Knocked Me Down)
Hitting Some Writer’s Block (or This Is What I Thought Would Happen)
