Monthly Archives: February 2020

At Least A Little More Work (or Getting My Contract Extended Again)

My day job situation has been such an interesting ride lately. I’ve been saying that I needed to find another job, but then I get more work that allows me to make enough money and I push off the job search. That’s been the cycle I have been in for probably a few years now. I’m at least in a slightly better financial situation now where I don’t have to stress if my contract at my data entry job ends, but I also don’t want to take it too easy and find myself in that spot again in the future.

The contract that I’m on for the job now is all about helping to launch a new website. I am doing the same work that I have almost always been doing, but it’s a new site and we are starting from scratch. So all the events that I had entered in the past were not on the site (we couldn’t transfer them to the new site) and I had to enter everything that we wanted on the new site. Types of events were split up so I’m not doing all the same type of work that I did before, but I’m doing a lot of the same stuff. And this new website was supposed to launch a while ago and things got delayed a few times.

None of the delays were things we were in control of and that I felt I was at fault for. The design took longer than expected. The backend system that we needed to use for entering events had glitches. The website wasn’t allowing us to log in. We had to be trained on the new system (and then trained again when the system changed). This was all fine and I wasn’t upset because there was some work I was able to do while waiting for the site to be ready so I was still able to be paid.

We finally were able to start entering events properly last week. And we have been rushing to get as much work done as possible because the site was supposed to launch next month. But I was so relieved when I got an email this week that the launch was being delayed so we had more time to enter events. They wanted the site to have much more information on it before the public was using it. And I completely agree with this idea. Having limited events isn’t going to motivate people to use the site.

The only issue was that my contract was supposed to end at the end of this month. I had hopes that I would get another contract because I knew that they needed on-going help with the site like I did before, but that hadn’t really been discussed yet since the focus was trying to get events up on the site and not a future contract. But I was able to get an extension of my contract so I will continue to work next month (it may go into April as well, but I’m not sure yet). And hopefully soon, I will be told about a new contract so I can continue to work through this year.

I’m even more optimistic that there may be another contract coming up for me because I have a potential new job I can do coming up. I don’t know much about it (I have a conference call to discuss it today), but it may give me another 5-10 hours of work a week. Right now, I’m doing about 15 hours a week on entering things into the new site, but once the site is live that will probably go down to 10 hours or under a week. So having another job I can do to add more hours will be a really good thing!

I have no idea about this new job and what the timeline is for it. I can hope that it’s something on-going so I can have a long contract with a lot of work. But even if it’s only for a few months, that’s a few months of making more money and I will be grateful for that.

I know eventually, I need to figure out a better job situation. Even if that means I have to stop working my customer service job because I find a full-time job that has the flexibility I need. But at least for now, I am working enough and that should continue for a little while. So I can be picky about finding a new job and not just applying for anything because I am desperate. I would love to find a new job that has a bit more flexibility than the jobs I have now. It would be amazing if I could find a way to work 4 days a week instead of 5 because I could work longer hours on those days. And now I have the luxury of searching for a job that fits exactly what I want and hopefully I will find it. And when that happens, I guess I’ll just have to see what will come from it.

Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

First, I have to apologize that a lot of what I am going to write in this post will be a bit vague. But it’s for a good reason. And hopefully, you all will understand.

I’ve been pretty open about my crazy experiences with dating. Almost everything I post has something funny or an element of humor in it. Even the stories that are about rejection or being hurt is usually done in a positive way. Most of those stories have a lesson that I can share that makes them not as bad. And even the stories about me being heartbroken are able to have something good in them. I haven’t been hurt that much, but when I have it’s usually something I can move past or learn from.

But I have also had some bad experiences with dating that I wouldn’t want to happen to anyone else. I know that my experiences are not unique and they are way too common, but knowing that I’m not alone in those experiences doesn’t make it better. But we are now in a time where more people are coming forward and sharing what happened to them so people don’t have to feel alone. And there is research being done to understand how common this is and what people experience after something happens.

Through a friend, I learned about some research being done about dating and experiences like mine. I can’t go into a lot of detail about what they were researching or what the plan is because they are still working on it and I don’t want to ruin anything they might be doing. But when I learned about what they were doing I was intrigued. And when I learned that they were asking for people to share their experiences, I filled out the form that was online. In the form, it asked if we would be willing to speak to someone further about our stories and I clicked that I agreed to that. But I figured that they probably had a ton of people who said they would talk so I didn’t expect anything to come from it.

But last week, I got an email from someone involved in the research asking me if I was still willing to talk to them. I didn’t respond right away because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. Even though I am pretty open here about what I’ve been through, I am in control of what is written here. If someone else was writing about me or sharing my story, I lose control or what bias might be added. But after thinking about it for about a day, I decided that there was no harm in at least talking to them on the phone and finding out more about what they were doing or what they wanted from me.

I had my phone call earlier this week, and it wasn’t easy. Sharing some of these bad experiences that are still fresh in my mind did make me cry. Fortunately, the person I spoke to understood and wasn’t impatient or frustrated that I needed to take moments when I did. They told me I could end the call whenever I wanted to or change my mind about wanting to share what happened. I was given a few options with how they could potentially share my story, and I decided that they could share it in their research but that they wouldn’t use my name or any identifying details about me. I feel like that’s probably the best option because I don’t necessarily want it to be connected to me but I don’t want my story to be ignored.

I will have at least one follow-up call in the next week or so, and there may be more calls after that. Once things are further in their research, they may have more questions for me or want some things to be clarified. And I’m willing to do that. The hard part was sharing my story and being vulnerable in allowing someone else to share it. Now, hopefully, the follow-up call (or calls) will be a bit easier and not as intense for me. And if this research does use my story and something comes of it, I will probably share it online. I don’t know if I will share it and say that my story is in it, but I can decide that if/when it happens.

It’s interesting to me how it can be so easy for me to be open at times and how difficult it can be at other times. But no matter how tough it was this time, I have no regrets. Sharing what happened to me does give me some power over the situation. I can make sure that people hear my experience and I can hope that they will understand what happened. I got some judgment after I wrote my blog post about it and people said I was overreacting to a bad date. But I know that’s not what happened to me and I will take opportunities when I can share my side of the story so the next person who experiences this hopefully won’t get the same judgment that I got.

Not Quite Winning At Taxes This Year (or Owing Money And Seeing Car Accidents)

I try to get my taxes done by the end of February each year. First, I want to get them done so I know what happened with all my crazy tax situations so I don’t have to stress out about them. But also, the place I go to for my taxes has cheaper rates if you do your taxes before March. I’ve been pretty lucky with my tax situation since I have started getting them done locally instead of having my parents’ tax guy do them. There are several weird things about my taxes and what I can deduct so it’s good that I go to someone who specializes in situations like mine. Plus, my tax preparer, Daphne, has become a friend so going in to see her is always fun!

I had my appointment on Monday evening, so I gave myself plenty of time to drive there in traffic. Traffic is always bad and people are always driving crazy, but this time it was just so much worse than normal. I saw 4 car accidents happen right in front of me! Most of them were from dumb mistakes like not looking at their blind spot when changing lanes or turning on an unprotected left when a car was coming straight. I was lucky that nobody hit me, but it made me even more cautious than normal while driving there.

I got to my appointment early because of how much time I gave myself to get there, so I had some time to relax before the stress of seeing what will happen with my taxes. I have been very lucky with getting money back when I pay my estimated payments correctly and with the deductions that I am allowed to take because all my jobs are independent contractor work. But this time, when I was preparing for my appointment I felt like I didn’t have as many deductions as I normally do. So as I prepared my forms I thought that perhaps this time I would owe money instead of getting money back. Fortunately, I still had some money saved from what I set aside with each paycheck, so I had money to pay if I did owe.

I try my best to be super organized with my taxes and paperwork when going into my appointment, and I know that Daphne really appreciates that I do that. It makes her job a bit easier when everything is ready for her to enter it into the system and she doesn’t have to search for something or ask me what I meant by something I filled out. I will also say, the packet that everyone who goes to the office I go to needs to fill out before an appointment helps too. And I have started to organize my things throughout the year in a similar system so when I fill the packet out I can do it quickly.

Because things were so organized, Daphne was able to see quickly that I would owe money. And she and I decided to investigate a bit because it said I owed about $1000 and in the past, it was so different even if I did owe. I thought maybe I didn’t have enough deductions because there were a few things that I usually spend money on that I didn’t in 2019. But when we compared my deductions, I was very close to the same amount in 2018. But then we realized there was a significant difference in my income and how much I paid in estimated taxes.

I made a lot more with both of my jobs in 2019. I had gotten a small raise with my customer service job and I had more hours on my contract with my data entry job. Obviously, both of those things are good and making more money is a good thing. And my estimated payments this past year were the lowest I paid since I started doing them correctly because of my lower income in 2018. So I made a lot more and pre-paid a lot less. Those combined meant I owed the $1000 form said I did. It all made sense once we figured that out.

And I do appreciate that Daphne took the time with me to figure out why I owed this year. Because entering my information was so quick, there was extra time in my appointment to do that investigating work. I’m sure that I could have figured it out on my own eventually, but it was nice to not have that question in my head when I left and feel more confident knowing what happened while I was still sitting there with someone who could explain it to me.

I will be paying the money I owe soon (I’ve got almost 2 months to pay it and I want to work on a few budgeting things first) and then I’ll be done with all my 2019 taxes. But I start paying my estimated taxes for 2020 in 2 months, so I’ll be doing that and working on making sure that I do everything I can to bring down how much I owe.

I left my appointment feeling good even though I do owe money. It’s something I expected and it didn’t upset me. But just like on my drive to getting my taxes done, my drive home was filled with seeing car accidents happen in front of me! I saw 2 very small fender benders that didn’t seem to have much damage. But when I was on the freeway close to my house, traffic stopped and the car in front of me didn’t see that. They hit the car in front of them at full speed and I was very lucky that I was able to slam on my brakes and avoid the cars. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t follow other cars that closely. Both of the cars in that accident looked like they were totaled and there were pieces of the cars all over the freeway.

I have no idea how to connect the car accidents with getting my taxes done but seeing that many accidents made me think about how sometimes we might get a bit lazy with following the rules you should follow when driving. Sometimes we follow too close, don’t look in our mirrors enough, speed, or think that we have the right of way when we don’t. It was a good reminder to be a cautious driver just like I am cautious with so many other aspects of my life.

Finally Seeing My Mentoring Group Again (or Our First Brunch Of 2020)

The last brunch meeting I had with my mentoring group was quite a while ago. I know that we decided to not meet as often because it was getting tough for the group to plan, but I don’t think we ever thought we would have 5 months between brunches. Part of this was due to the holidays and we knew that it would be very difficult to meet when so many of us were out of town or celebrating certain holidays.

Even though I am the organizer of our brunches, nobody blamed me for taking so long to schedule the one we had this past weekend. Everything understood that we were really busy and that we would see each other eventually. And we did consider trying to meet in January, but when we all shared our availability it was best to meet this last Sunday.

And I’m glad that we waited because we did get all 6 of us together for brunch! It’s not easy to mind a day and time that all 6 of us are free, but somehow we did it! I don’t remember the last time we were all there, and I think we all forgot about how crowded our brunch table could be with 6 people instead of 4 or 5. We sat in one of our usual booths, but we did have to squish together a bit to make it work. But that was fine because we did want to be able to hear what each other was sharing and saying.

I don’t think any of us believed that it had been 5 months since we had been together because it didn’t really seem that long ago. But we did all have lots of things to share and I loved hearing all of the updates everyone had.

And this time, I finally had quite a few things to share with the group. The last brunch we had was before the union convention, so I shared about that and how I have been going as an observer to the local board meetings. Even though I had shared things about past conventions, being an observer at the board meetings is something new and it was fun getting to share what I could about those.

And the last brunch we had was also before I finished writing the first draft of my book! They all knew I was trying to write a book about online dating, but I don’t think I had shared with them how I changed the concept of the book and I know they didn’t know that I had finished writing my first draft. I think they all loved the new idea of how I organized my stories and they all thought the book would be something that should be published and could sell quite a bit. I’m glad they all felt that way because I’m feeling that way about the book too. None of them have published a book so they didn’t have referrals to literary agents or had specific advice for the next steps, but they were really encouraging with what I need to do next and I know that if they think of someone who could help me that they will connect me to them.

Everyone else had lots of news to share. Some things were good and some weren’t as good. But everyone had progress that they had made in their lives and careers since the last time we were together. And making progress and not getting stuck is the key to this industry because it’s so easy to get frustrated and not keep pushing ahead. If you get a rejection, that’s not a dead end. You have to find another way to make it happen. That’s what all of us reminded each other because there are so many things that we could believe was the end of the road when it’s just a detour we need to get around.

As always, hearing everyone being so encouraging to others is such a huge benefit I get out of this group. It’s not easy to find people who not only understand the process you are going through but help you stay positive and working toward your goals. I always say how incredibly lucky I am to have this mentoring group, and I really can’t express how grateful I am for these women. We’ve been supporting each other for so long and it has benefitted my life so much. And I know that I will continue to get so many good things out of this group because I don’t see an end to our support. This has become such an important part of my life and I really look forward to seeing the successes we each have in our futures. I know it will happen, it’s just a matter of time.

We are still trying to meet 3-4 times a year so we have somewhat regular meetings. I feel pretty certain that we will find a way to meet up at least 2 more times this year. But hopefully, we can get in that last meeting so we are able to meet up once a quarter. But no matter how long it takes before we all can be together again, I know it will be amazing when we see each other and that I will leave our brunch feeling inspired and ready to get to work!

Thank Goodness For Feeling Great! (or I Finally Had An All Amazing Week Of Workouts)

I’ve been wanting to have a week of workouts where I wasn’t dealing with any issues like horrible pain or nausea. I will always have hip issues because that is just a part of my life, but I really missed having a week where hip issues were the only thing I was dealing with. But I never seemed to get that. For one reason or another, I was either having an all bad week or a split week. But I finally got the week I had been craving for so long!

Monday’s workout was a 3 group class because it was a holiday (since I always have Mondays off, I didn’t realize it was a holiday until I got to class). Since that class is usually my only 2 group class of the week, I was a bit sad that it was 3 groups, but it ended up being a really great workout that had a lot of things that made me push myself on my own.

For cardio, we had a run/recovery workout that was done on our own. We had 3 different sections that had different distances and recovery times. The first section was 4 rounds of a .1 run (.4 bike) with 30 seconds of recovery after each. The second section was 2 rounds of a .2 run (.8 bike) with 45 seconds after each. And the last round was a .4 run (.8 bike) with a minute of recovery after. We had a run/bike for distance if we completed that, but I was still working on the .8 bike distance when the block was done. I was feeling really good in class so I could go fast and I was loving that!

The rowing block was similar to cardio with different sections that we were on our own with. But instead of recovery, we had ground to press with a medicine ball. I modified those to be squats with overhead raises, but those are pretty similar. The first section was 4 rounds of a 100-meter row with 5 medicine ball exercises after each row. The next section had 2 rounds of a 200-meter row with 10 medicine ball exercises after each row. And the last section was 1 round of a 400-meter row with 20 medicine ball exercises after it. And when those were done, we rowed until the block ended. I made it to rowing until the block ended which was awesome. I usually don’t make it to the end of the workout assignments.

And on the floor, we had all timed work. We had 2 different blocks and each block had 3 exercises. We had 30 seconds of doing an exercise and 15 seconds to recover and get ready for the next one. And we did 3 rounds of those 3 exercises before moving to the next block. The first block had push-ups on the straps, upright rows with weights, and pop jacks. And the second block had full thrusters with weights, squats, and v-ups (which I modified to sit-ups). It’s very different doing timed exercises because you aren’t counting reps and know how much longer you have to go. I tried to not go too quickly, but I was getting very tired at the end of each 30 seconds of work.

Wednesday was a strength-based class and it was one where I wanted to work hard on focusing on the thing that made it a strength class. We had 2 blocks at each part of the room and we switched after each block. However, I was using the bike for cardio and for rowing, so I had a lot of time on the bike.

The first cardio block started with a 2-minute base pace, but it was at an incline. I used 1 resistance level higher than what I used to use for my all out. After that, we had 1-minute at base pace without incline. Then it was a 1-minute push pace without incline and a 30-second all out without incline. After a quick recovery, we had another 30-second all out, but this time it was at the same incline as the push pace we had at the beginning. The second block started with a 2-minute declining hill. I started at the same resistance level that I used before and it decreased 1 level every 30 seconds. We then had a 2-minute base pace, which felt like a nice long recovery. Then we had the same pattern from the end of the first block with a 30-second all out, quick recovery, and another 30-second all out but at an incline.

For the rowing, it was all about doing stroke drills. Since I was on the bike, I put the resistance level to be double what my base level is (which is what I did last week as well). The first block was slow rowing/stroke drills for 100-meters. We were supposed to count the strokes and then use that number for how many reps we had to do squats to overhead press with a medicine ball. I biked for 30-seconds and then did 8 reps since that is probably close to how many strokes it would have taken me. The second block switch the rowing to be 200-meter so I biked at the heavy resistance level for 1-minute. And the exercise was a squat hold while doing front presses with the medicine ball. This time, I did 12 reps since that seemed like a good number.

And on the floor, the exercises were the same for both blocks. We just picked up where we left off when we returned for the second block. We had chest presses, squats with weights, pullovers, half get-ups, and plank pull-throughs. I usually would use 25 pounds for chest presses, but I pushed myself and used 30 pounds instead (it’s a 30-pound weight in each hand, so a total of 60 pounds). It was so much harder for me, and I couldn’t do all the reps without a break in the middle, but that’s almost the point with a strength day. We need to test ourselves to see if we can lift heavier. I used the 30-pound weights for my squats as well and then used one of the weights for the pullovers. For my half get-ups and plank pull-throughs, I used one 20 pound weight. Even though I went down with the weight, it wasn’t easy since that was heavier than I’m used to.

Friday was a mix of endurance, strength, and power. I was having a bit of a bad hip day, but it wasn’t too horrible and I was able to work around a few things to manage it.

For cardio, we had 3 blocks. The first and third blocks were both 3-minute distance challenges with inclines. And the middle block had 5 rounds of 30-second all outs. I was able to use a bit of resistance on the bike to do the incline work. And I used my base pace level for the middle block with all the all outs.

Rowing was one long block. We started with a 3-minute row. Then we were supposed to do lunges with medicine ball twists but I modified them to be squats with the medicine ball. Then we were back on the rower and we took the distance we did for the 3 minutes and decreased it by 200-meters. We kept doing that and the medicine ball work until we couldn’t take 200 meters off again. Then we just rowed until the block was done. I guess I didn’t get a lot of rowing done in that first 3-minute challenge because I had almost 4 minutes left in the block when I finished the assignment. I wasn’t able to row for the entire 4 minutes that we had left, so I took breaks to stretch out when I needed to. But I still got a lot of rowing done.

And on the floor, we had 3 blocks just like we did for cardio. The first block had bench sit to stands and bench hop overs. The second block had sit-ups to squats on the bench, mountain climbers, lunges, and full sit-ups. And the last block had alligators on the straps and push-ups (I did these on my knees but I didn’t use the bench to make it easier).

Saturday was another day that my hip was bothering me before I got to class, but it was manageable and something that I was so used to since I have been dealing with it for over a decade. The workout was endurance-based, and it wasn’t done in the order that I’m used to. I normally start with cardio and then do rowing and the floor. But this class, I had to start on the floor and then I did the cardio and ended with rowing.

It’s never easy for me to start on the floor, but I was determined to do my best. It was one long block and everything was 12 reps. We had squats to bicep curls to uppercuts with weights, plank pull-throughs, single-leg v-ups (which I modified to full sit-ups), plank leg raises, high rows on the straps, and sumo squats to upright rows with weights. The first and last exercises were really tough for me, and after the first round, I did have to split up the exercises into the individual parts. And I did go a bit easy because I usually don’t have anything after the floor and this time I had the rest of the workout to go. But I still tried to push myself where I could.

The cardio was 2 blocks and they were both very similar. They had a long push pace to start, then a longish base pace, a 1-minute push pace, and a 1-minute all out. I kept the resistance level on the bike at the same level the entire time but I was very focused on how fast I was pedaling for each segment. I overdid it a bit on the long push paces at the beginning of each block, but nothing that I wasn’t able to recover from.

And the rower was also 2 blocks that were similar. The first block started with a 3-minute row. Then we had squats to front presses with the medicine ball. We continued that pattern and decreased the row by 200 meters each round. I was just finishing that up when the block ended. The second block started with a 90-second row and then we were supposed to do squat jacks with the medicine ball (I modified these to be regular squats with a medicine ball). And each round the row decreased by 100 meters. It was weird to end on the rower and I almost felt like the workout was unfinished, but I was also tired enough to know I did a full class.

I’m cautiously optimistic about this week. It should hopefully be another good week for me and I believe we have a benchmark this week. I’m so competitive when it comes to benchmarks, so I hate when I have a bad day when we have them. I can only hope for the best and know that whatever happens will be. But I still will be hoping it goes exactly how I want it to!

Lots Of Virtual Meetings (or Virtual Union Meetings)

I’m used to working remotely for my day jobs. It’s been that way for quite a while I do think I prefer working from home now. There are so many benefits for me personally to not have to go into an office every day. I know how lucky I am to be able to do this and that not everyone has this opportunity.

But for my acting career, there really isn’t a way to work from home. There are self-tape auditions and things like that, but it’s not exactly the same as working from home. Of course, there are several things I do related to my acting career that I do from my home (or just online through my phone) such as working on self-submissions, but when it comes to booked work that has to be done where the work is.

But what I didn’t realize was how much I could do from home related to my union service. I knew that I could do several things for my slate from home since I do social media and I pretty much run that from my phone. And when my slate has had some meetings and brainstorming sessions, there is usually an option to be there virtually. If there is an in-person meeting, usually you can call in to listen and participate. I can almost always make it to wherever we meet and I do prefer to be in-person to be a part of it, but it’s nice that calling is an option. And sometimes, the meetings my slate has are only phone calls and those are easy enough to be a part of.

But with union service outside of my slate, I know one of the things holding me back in the past was the concern that I couldn’t attend a meeting if I was a part of a committee. I had been an alternate on a national committee before and I knew that those meetings would have to have a call-in option as there are people joining the meeting from all over the country. And now, I do know that the local committees (or at least the ones I am a part of) have that option too.

I’m a member of the local organizing committee and the meetings are during my work hours. I haven’t made it to the union for any of the meetings, but I have called in for every meeting we have. I think being able to call in also goes back to working remotely for my day job since I don’t know if I could do this if I worked in an office. And I do sometimes have to jump in and out of the meeting call if I get a customer call since work is the priority, but I have been lucky that for the 90 minutes once a month that we have these meetings that we haven’t been super busy at my day job. And the co-chairs of the committee understand that I am calling in during work and that I might have to briefly leave the call to do work.

I can’t speak for all the committees, but my understandings is that they usually do have a call-in option since some members may be on set during a meeting and they want to give them a way to still be a part of it. And of course, if someone is working and can call in as I do, then being in a virtual meeting works too. I have tried to be on local committees in the past and wasn’t accepted. But I didn’t push harder to be on those committees because I was afraid that I couldn’t be at the meetings so it wasn’t worth it for me to try. But I should have just asked those committee chairs to see what would be possible.

I guess it’s just like with my fears of going to the local board meetings. If I had just asked someone for more information, I would have realized there was no reason for me to hesitate and I would have gone for it. I can’t go back and change anything I did in the past, but I can make changes for the future. And part of those changes include making sure my fellow union members know of these options so they know they can be a part of things even if something prevents them from being involved in person.

Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Even though I work from home, I have ways to communicate with my co-workers at my customer service job. We use an online chat system to assist customers, and we can also use it to chat with each other. This has been very helpful when we have a question from a customer that we don’t know the answer to or a customer is saying one of told them something that doesn’t seem right. But we often also chat socially with each other in our chat system since our job can be very lonely when it’s not busy and we are all working at our own homes alone.

I probably chat the most with my manager. We always are sharing funny and random things we find online. Sometimes that is what keeps me feeling sane on a day that is driving me crazy. And earlier this week, she sent me a funny meme about how when you apply for a job the hiring manager should be more upfront about what to expect with the job. Such as if you are willing to bend over backward for a customer or get them a manager immediately. And she and I were coming up with our own lines of what we would want to ask future employees doing our job.

Then she said something that hit me a lot harder than it probably should have. She joked that customers should say they are ok with hearing abuse from customers and still be polite and kind to them (we are told often that we are ruining someone’s life because a show is sold out or by enforcing our policies so we do get yelled at on a somewhat regular basis). And as soon as she wrote that, I realized that I do tolerate a lot at this job and I don’t let it affect how I treat a customer while I’m helping them. I don’t stand up for myself (nor can I really in a customer service job) and I have gotten very used to hearing some awful things. When I’m called a bitch on the phone by a customer, I don’t even flinch. It’s something I’m used to and almost expect at times.

But it got me wondering if tolerating this sort of inappropriate behavior at work is also making me tolerate bad behavior in life. More specifically, am I tolerating things I shouldn’t in dating?

That was a bit of a glass-shattering moment for me and I started thinking back at guys I have dated recently or chatted with on the apps. And I know that I have become more open-minded and am not as strict with dating anymore, which is a good thing. I have learned that not everything has to be a dealbreaker for me, sometimes it just needs to be a conversation to understand it more. But I shouldn’t tolerate anything just to be nice.

I know that there are plenty of times that I haven’t tolerated when a guy said something disgusting to me. If they are going to shame me for any part of me or my life, it’s no question that I want to unmatch with them. I don’t have to have someone be abusive toward me to get a date. But there are so many guys that I have realized are between being good guys and horrible guys that I probably shouldn’t have continued talking to.

There aren’t any hard and fast rules about what I am tolerating that I shouldn’t, but it’s making me reevaluate a lot of things. For example, if I am messaging someone and trying to set up plans, I don’t have to tolerate it if they don’t message me for a week and then ignore that we were discussing meeting up. I can bring up that I’m happy to chat with them more in person, but I should push for what I want to do. I know I don’t want to message with someone, I want to meet them and see if we click.

There is a bit of fear still in my mind about rejecting someone who could be my “last chance” (which I know isn’t true because if they aren’t right then they weren’t supposed to be my person). I hate that fear is still there, but I’ve realized that this feeling is so much more than just this fear. I want to be liked and not create conflict, but by doing that I am allowing behavior that I shouldn’t be ok with.

This isn’t going to be a quick fix where I learn how to stand up for myself more, but it’s something that I’m aware of now that I never thought about before. And I don’t want to swing to the other extreme and not tolerate anything that might be slightly different than what I thought. Being open-minded has been such a good thing for me and I don’t want to become closed-off. Finding balance is the key.

And yes, this all relates back to my word for this year. No wonder I felt so drawn to picking balance as my word.

Back To Back Work Fails (or Attempting To Be Productive)

Considering how long I’ve been working from home, I’ve been pretty lucky with my work systems and not having too many issues. From time to time, there have been some glitches, but for the most part, I can log in and do my work when I need to. The only big issue I remember is when our website went down for an entire day for my customer service job.

But lately, I’ve had some more work issues and it’s frustrating since I want to be able to work. For my customer service job, it’s not as bad since I am paid for the hours I’m logged in, no matter what. So even if I can’t do any work, I still get paid. That’s nice, but it’s also frustrating when all I can tell customers is that I cannot help them and that I’m sorry. For my other job doing data entry and event updates online, I only get paid when I can work. And being able to work has been tough lately.

Some of the issues with being able to work have been my issue. I couldn’t work the data entry job last week because it was so busy with my customer service job. I usually do my work between my customers, but there was honestly no time between customers. I was on the phone with one customer and using our chat feature with a few others for almost the entire shift each day. We know that Valentine’s Day is usually one of the busiest times and I think it was made even busier because of it being on a Friday and the start of a long weekend. So I just didn’t have the time to work and I was exhausted by the end of my shift and didn’t want to sit at my computer any longer. I explained the situation to my manager at that job and she completely understood.

And I think part of the reason she understood was that there have been so many things preventing me from working that job that were out of my control. I’m helping to enter events on a new version of a website and that website wasn’t built until recently. Then, once it was done we couldn’t enter any events because it wouldn’t accept any way we could enter times in the form. That issue was finally corrected at the beginning of last week, but I wasn’t working last week due to the craziness with the customer service work. I finally got back to it on Monday, and now it looks like I can’t log in to enter events and there may be an issue with my access to the backend of the site. I’m still waiting for an answer on how I can do my work, but I really hope I can get back to it soon so I can get some hours in.

And if that wasn’t enough, yesterday I had to deal with the website for my customer service job being down. Fortunately, it was resolved within the first few hours of work, but it was still frustrating that whenever a customer called we weren’t able to tell them much. We couldn’t even tell them if there were shows on the nights they were asking about because we couldn’t see the schedule. Most customers were understanding when we said our website was down and we couldn’t tell them much, but there were a few that questioned how we could be a legit business if we couldn’t answer basic questions. I understand why they wondered about us, but it was hard to try to explain why we need our website to see information when they refused to believe that I didn’t have everything printed out and updated or something. I’m just glad that the issue didn’t take the entire day like it did last time and we were quickly able to get back to normal.

I guess these issues are things you encounter when you work from home. But I’ve been spoiled with not having issues that often. I am used to my work systems to be working exactly how I need them to work and I don’t have a lot of options when they aren’t working. I don’t have somewhere that I can go in to do my work or a workaround that allows me to bypass the issue. I’m stuck waiting for someone to fix what I need to be fixed and I don’t have any control over it. I guess it’s a good lesson in letting go and not freaking out, but because it’s my job and I depend on the money it’s not easy to stay calm.

A House Anniversary (or A Decade In One Place)

In my life, I have had times that I haven’t moved homes a lot and other times where I was moving constantly. Growing up, my parents bought their house before I was born and that is the house that they still have. So my first time moving was when I went to college. I lived in dorms for my first 2 years and I sublet a room in an apartment for the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.

But housing was only guaranteed for freshmen and sophomores, so I had to enter a housing lottery in my college to get housing after that. And my group got such a bad number that we knew there was no chance for us to get campus housing. I don’t remember exactly why we didn’t find an apartment off-campus together, but for my junior year of college, I got my first apartment. I lived there alone and I hated how isolated I felt. There were probably a few different reasons why I felt so lonely, and it didn’t help that the apartment never really felt like home to me.

So after that lease was up, I got an apartment with a friend. I only had 1 semester of college left, but I knew I was going to stay in LA so I didn’t think twice about signing a lease for a year. Since I had been moving every year, I probably thought at the time that I would be there for a year and then move on to another apartment. But my roommate and I renewed our lease and we gained another roommate. Then the original roommate moved out and I was back down to 1 roommate again. Then that roommate left and I had a few different roommates over the next few years. I was in that apartment for about 5 1/2 years and had more roommates than I can remember. And when my last set of roommates said they would be moving out, I knew I had to find a new place because I couldn’t keep searching for roommates all the time. And that’s when I found the house that I currently live in.

I lucked out when I found my house because it’s in a great location and the price was really low. I was suspicious about it when I found it, but I think the small size was stopping others from wanting to rent it. But it was perfect for me to be on my own and the price was less than what I was paying for a portion of my old apartment. So there was no question that it was the right house for me.

I was hesitant about living alone again because I really didn’t like it when I lived alone in my first apartment. And there was an adjustment period for me to be used to not having roommates around. But as time went by, I discovered how much I love living alone. I think part of why I hated it before was that so many of my friends were still living on campus and there was so much community around them. I didn’t have that. But when I moved into my house, I was several years out of college. I wasn’t feeling left out or missing something that my friends were getting. And the more comfortable I got living alone, the more I wanted my house to feel like home to me and not just a place I was renting.

And I feel like I have accomplished just that. I have made several changes to things in my house over the years to make it feel more adult or more like me. And there is no question that it feels like my home to me. And that’s good because I literally cannot afford to move. The rents in my neighborhood are significantly higher than what I pay. It can be double or triple what I pay to get a 1 bedroom apartment. And yes, those apartments may be bigger or have more features than my place has, but I can’t afford anything that expensive. I love my little house and I love how it is affordable for me to be here.

And it’s a good thing that I love where I live because this past weekend marked 10 years since I moved into my house! That’s a lot longer than so many people live in a rental. That’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere except in the house I grew up in. And for some reason, I have always thought about how often I’ve moved because of how much I moved in my first years in LA. But I’ve been in my house for 10 years and my apartment before that for over 5 years. So the majority of my time in LA has been in 2 places. The other 4 places I lived were just condensed into a very short amount of time.

I don’t expect to be living in my house for another 10 years, but I also don’t see myself moving out any time soon. I’m here until I can afford to buy a place or until I move in with a significant other. Even if I got a huge raise and had a lot more money, I wouldn’t leave my place until I buy something because I don’t see the need to spend more on rent than I currently pay. Yes, there are things that I would love to have where I live (a dishwasher and in-home washer/dryer top that list), but I have lived for 10 years without those things and I can keep living without them. And the things I would love to have are going on my list of what I want in a place when I buy it. But because I haven’t had as many amenities as I have in the past, that list is much shorter now and I have realized what I really need to improve my quality of life and what would just be fun and nice.

So here’s to 10 years in my current house and now I’m just curious how long I will end up living here until I move to the next place I hopefully can stay for at least a decade.

Another Mixed Workout Week (or Biking More Than Normal)

I had another workout week where I was dealing with a lot of pain and nausea for part of it and felt better for the other part of it. I guess that’s better than a full week of feeling awful. And I did try my best each workout day to see what I could do and to make sure that I was pushing myself but not pushing myself too much.

Monday’s workout was an endurance day. It was also a day that I felt really horrible. I wasn’t as nauseous as I usually am, but I was in a lot more pain than normal. Even after taking 3 different medications that usually help me, I was still feeling awful. The pain was really taking it out of me, but I was determined to do the best that I could. And that’s not always easy with an endurance day.

The cardio was a 23-minute block without a break. It was split up into lots of runs for distance with base pace recoveries after each one. The runs for distance were twice as long as the base paces (for example, 5-minute run for distance with a 2.5-minute base pace). But for me, I wasn’t focused on the different distance challenges. My goal was just to keep going as much as I could and take breaks when I needed them. I didn’t pedal that hard or fast and the breaks were frequent, but I did what I could and tried not to stress out too much about what I was doing and what I felt like I should be doing. I still was comparing my effort to my normal effort, but at least I was constantly reminding myself that I wasn’t slacking off but was managing with the situation I was in.

The floor had 2 blocks. Both blocks started with a row. The first block had a 2-minute row and the second block had a 1-minute row. Then, both blocks were mainly Bosu work. The first block had goblet lunges (these I modified to not use the Bosu), scaptions with weights, sit-ups, hip raises with weights, pullovers with weights, and side plank hip dips. And the second block had lateral raises with weights and back extensions (which I modified to bird dogs which still made me very nauseous). It was a battle with pain during both floor blocks and a lot of nausea hit me at the end, but I got through it and once the workout was done I was able to recover and relax at home.

Unfortunately, I was feeling just as horrible (or worse) on Wednesday. It was a power day and I knew I didn’t really have much in me to push myself. I went to the workout knowing that and tried to remember that doing even a little bit is better than if I stayed home and did nothing.

There were 2 cardio blocks, but I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what we were doing. I had a similar plan to what I did on Monday. I was going to pedal when I could and rest when I needed it. I didn’t focus much on how fast I was pedaling and I kept the resistance level at my base level the entire time. And I didn’t get that much distance done between those 2 blocks because of how often I had to take a break.

When we switched to the rowers, even though the rower at my station was still being fixed I was able to use a rower at another station so I didn’t have to stay on the bike. For the first block, the rowing was always 150-meters and we were supposed to do lunges between each row. The lunges were supposed to start at 12 and go down 2 reps each round. I did squats instead of lunges and got pretty far with the rounds. And the second block, we matched the cardio with all outs and recoveries. I wasn’t too worried about timing things since all of my rowing was close to what recovery would be. So I just rowed when I could and rested when I needed to. After both blocks, I will say I was surprised by the distance I managed to get done on the rower because I thought it would have been a fraction of that.

And the floor was one long block that was split into 2 mini-blocks. The first mini-block was all mini-band work. We had side steps and we were supposed to do plank toe touches. I did the side steps, but I switched the plank work to be stand side leg lifts since that was working the same muscles and wouldn’t make me nauseous. But I did have a small win during that mini-block. I usually have to wear the mini-bands around my ankles instead of calves because they were too tight around my calves. But this time, they fit fine! So maybe I’ve lost some weight in my calves or something. The second mini-block had lunges, lunges with hops (which I did holding on to the straps), and plank with arm in and outs. I did front raises using a mini-band instead of the plank work for that block.

Friday I was doing much better, but still not completely better. And instead of having a Valentine’s Day-themed workout (which I would assume would be a partner workout), we had a Singles Awareness Day workout with a lot of single arm or single leg work.

We had 2 blocks at each section of the room and we switched after each block. The first block for cardio was a 3-minute distance challenge and we were supposed to remember our distance. Then for the second block, we started with that same distance that we did in the first block. We had a minute of recovery after that and then we cut the distance in half. We repeated that pattern until the block ended.

I was using the bike again for the rower (the rower will hopefully be fixed soon, but I don’t mind doubling up on the bike) and it was a similar plan to what we did for cardio. The first block was a 3-minute challenge. And the second block started with that distance again and then we had lunges after we completed that. Then we cut the distance in half and repeated the pattern. I was able to do lunges instead of having to modify them to be squats since I was next to the bike and could hold on to it for support.

On the floor, the first block had single-arm thrusters, lunges, and step-ups (which I modified to be weighted lunges). The second block had single-arm split stance high rows, single-arm chest presses, single-arm low rows on the straps (I modified these to be using both straps), and single-leg v-ups (I modified these to be regular full sit-ups). I had a little bit of nausea during the floor work, but nothing unbearable. I just had to take a break to let it pass and I was able to get back to the work quickly. It was so much nicer than how I had been feeling the rest of the week and it was a good boost for me mentally.

Saturday’s workout was a strength day and it was when I finally felt like myself. I was able to work on the resistance levels on the bike and I really needed to do that this time. We had 2 blocks at each section of the room and the cardio and rowing blocks stayed the same.

For cardio, we started with a 4-minute progressive hill. We increased the incline/resistance level each minute before going back to a flat base pace. I was able to increase the resistance level for each minute and it felt really good. And each block ended with a 30-second all out.

And I was on the bike for the rower again. The rower at the station I use should hopefully be fixed this week, but I guess it was a good thing to have extra practice on the bike. And this was really good practice because it required me to use a resistance level that I never use on the bike. The rower was supposed to be stroke drills, and there isn’t a great equivalent on the bike. So what I did was use double my base resistance level and my coach helped me figure out how long to bike each time. I don’t think I have ever used that resistance level before and it was hard. But every interval was 30 seconds or under, so that was good. And between each one, we had front raises and presses with the medicine ball.

And on the floor, each block was a bit different. The first block had tricep extensions, squats, and toe reaches. And the second block had uppercuts, front weighted squats, and toe reaches. I did need to take a few breaks on the floor, but nothing like I had been doing the rest of the week.

I’m cautiously optimistic that this week will be a good workout week for me. And we have a benchmark coming up soon so I want to get some practice in for that. But I also know that I can have an unexpected thing happen that will make the week harder for me. Hopefully, that doesn’t happen because I really want a good workout week this time!