Monthly Archives: November 2020

Not My Usual Thanksgiving Week Workouts (or Trying To Keep The Tradition Going)

Posted on November 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Not My Usual Thanksgiving Week Workouts (or Trying To Keep The Tradition Going)

This post is mainly going to be about my Thanksgiving workout. But I did have my 4 workouts this past week. I changed up my schedule a bit to work around Thanksgiving, but I still got the 4 in. I’m still dealing with vertigo a bit and have to modify things, but I’m noticing that it is getting easier each workout.

I’m still trying to push myself so that I can start doing outdoor workouts soon, but I’m also starting to wonder if I should do them. I know they are doing everything they can to keep things safe, but cases are increasing and I have to keep that in mind. Also, things are starting to lock down here again, so I’m not sure if that means outdoor workouts will have to close. Right now, it seems like they can stay open. So keeping the idea of going to an outdoor workout as a goal is a good one. Even if I don’t end up doing one for a while, it still will help me push myself.

But my 3 non-Thanksgiving workouts this past week were pretty normal for me. Or at least as normal as things have been lately. So that’s good.

And my workout on Thanksgiving Day was the one that was special.

Ever since I started at Orangetheory, my family has had a new tradition to do an OTF workout on Thanksgiving morning. It’s not always the same members of my family at each workout, but we always have a few of us there. This year, when the pandemic started, I was hoping that we would still be able to continue the tradition. But as time went on, I knew that there was no way that we would be together for Thanksgiving. So we wouldn’t have our workout as a family.

But I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I was still determined to do something connected to our tradition. I knew that I would be doing a workout on Thanksgiving Day on my own. My plan was to do the OTF At Home workout like I normally do. But I tried to see if there was another option that maybe would allow my family to work out together. But because we all had very different schedules, coordinating a workout wasn’t possible. So I asked everyone in my family to send me photos of their workout that day and I would do something with it.

Some of us did video workouts, some went skiing, some did chores that doubled as cardio, and some just made sure they got out and moving. I love the photos I got from everyone. And an added bonus to us doing workouts on our own was that 2 dogs got to be in the photos too! Tucker was “helping” my mom shovel snow and Graham decided to be a part of my Aunt Cindy’s video workout.

It’s not what our post-workout photo usually looks like, but I think it’s perfect to represent what our 2020 Thanksgiving workouts were like. We weren’t together, but we were still keeping a tradition alive on our own. And of course, I had to add this photo to the collage with all of our workouts.

If nothing else, we will never forget what this year was like for us. It will be the one oddball photo in the collage for as long as we are able to keep this tradition going. And while I know I would have preferred for us all to be together and to have a photo that fits in with the others, it still makes me happy that we didn’t give up on something that we love to do and we have something to represent this year.

I hope that by next year, it will be safe for us to be together. I missed being with my family this year (more on that later this week). I missed our traditional workout. I’m glad we had something, but it’s not the same as working out as a family. Just like how working out at home isn’t like being at the studio in class. I missed how much fun we have at our family workout. I missed the competitiveness between me and my dad (it seems to mainly be between us). I missed feeling like we did something special together. But as I’ve said several times about things this year, we had to stay apart and stay safe this year so we can be together for so many more years in the future.

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Default ThumbnailThanksgiving Workouts (or Continuing A Tradition) Default ThumbnailThanksgiving Workouts (or Getting My Family Involved) Default ThumbnailMy Short Workout Week (or 6 Years Of Family Workouts) Default ThumbnailPre-Burning Thanksgiving Calories (or Working Out In LA and San Diego) Default ThumbnailA Short Workout Week (or 3 Workouts In 3 Different Locations) Default ThumbnailAlmost Missing An Entire Week Of Workouts (or Another Issue With Vertigo)

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Posted in Family, Fitness

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Being Emotional At OTF (or It’s Weird Seeing The Studio Like This)

Posted on November 27, 2020 | Comments Off on Being Emotional At OTF (or It’s Weird Seeing The Studio Like This)

I’m going to do a recap of my Thanksgiving next week (as I am writing this post, I haven’t had Thanksgiving yet). But I wanted to share something from a bit earlier in the week. After completing Hell Week, my Orangetheory studio let us know that they would notify us when we could come and get our shirts. There was no question about me going to get my shirt, so I was very excited to find out when I could pick it up. Unfortunately, the first pickup date was during the worst of my vertigo, so there was no way for me to drive over there.

But they had told us there would be more pickup dates and there was one earlier this week. I knew I’d be able to drive over to the Culver City studio (where the pickup was going to be) and I was excited to get to see the studio again. My last workout there was about 8 1/2 months ago, and I’ve missed it so much. I miss the workouts a lot, but even just being at the studio was something I missed too. Being in that space is something that makes me so happy. The same with the Brentwood studio (where I actually have done more workouts than Culver City). There’s something special about the studio and I was happy I’d get to be there, even if it was only to pick up a shirt.

What I didn’t expect was how emotional it would be for me to be in there. As soon as I walked in the door, it hit me so hard how long it had been since I was there and how much I miss things. The studio didn’t look that different, but it was different. It was dark, quiet, and nobody was there except the staff who was there to help give out our shirts. It was sad to see a space that means so much to me not feel the same.

But even though it didn’t feel the same, it still made me happy to be inside the lobby. I only stood in the doorway, but that was enough to remind me that the studio is still there. During a time when it seems like the world isn’t there anymore, it’s reassuring to see that the studio is going to be ready to be back as soon as it is safe. We can’t be there now, but we will be there again. I know it sounds crazy to need a reminder that something still exists, but that’s exactly what it was and what I needed.

Of course, I was also sad about how much I have been missing the workouts. I joked to my friends that I wish I could have found a way to borrow a rower so I could have almost the OTF experience at home. I’m still hoping that I can do the outdoor workouts in Marina del Rey soon, but I need to be feeling a bit better to be able to do that. I want vertigo to not be an issue anymore and I know I need to work on my endurance. But more than going to the outdoor workouts, I just want my regular studio workouts back. It has been a huge part of my life for so long and I miss it. I miss the routine of going there 4 days a week. I miss feeling sore after a good workout. I just miss my old life.

I know that as soon as it is safe to reopen, the studio will do just that. Things might not be exactly the same for a little while, but it will be more like what I’m used to than what I’m experiencing now with my workouts. And there’s no question that I will appreciate those workouts more than ever. I never thought about how much I would miss it if I couldn’t be there for a long time. Even when I thought I needed my liver surgery, I was assuming I would only be out for maybe a month. And with that, I was mentally preparing myself for it. I wasn’t prepared for this. I never thought it would be so long with me doing the home workouts.

All I can do is to continue to work out at home and keep myself safe and healthy. So when the studio is open again and full of life like I’m used to, I’ll be here to experience that and I’ll be ready to get back to my normal workout routine.

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Happy Thanksgiving (or My First Time Celebrating Solo)

Posted on November 26, 2020 | Comments Off on Happy Thanksgiving (or My First Time Celebrating Solo)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know there is a lot of hard stuff going on in the world right now, but there are still things to be grateful for. I’m very grateful for my health and the health of those I care about. Even though I’ve had multiple friends get sick, most of them have been able to fully recover or almost fully recover. I know that I am very privileged and lucky that this is the case, and I know that this can change at any time. But for now, that’s the biggest thing that I’m grateful for this year.

For my entire life, I have celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. It’s always been 3 or 4 generations together and it’s our big family time each year. This year, we are all celebrating with our own households. So for me, that means I’m celebrating alone.

I’ve never been alone for Thanksgiving before. I think the closest I’ve had to this was the year my parents couldn’t make it for Thanksgiving due to my mom having chemo and I was the only person from my immediate family there. But I was still with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I’ve never been without a member of my family for Thanksgiving, but I also know that this is how it has to be. Being separate this year will hopefully allow us all to be together next year and for many years to come. It’s been tough to be ok with this idea, but I know it’s for the best.

I am going to attempt to make a little Thanksgiving for myself today. I’ve never made Thanksgiving food before, so I can’t guarantee that I won’t ruin it and will end up eating a microwave burrito or something. But I’ve decided to try to make a few things. I’ve got sweet potatoes so I can make a sweet potato casserole with pecans and marshmallows, green beans so I can make them with shallots and bacon, and a half turkey breast to roast. I don’t have stuffing or a lot of other things that my family usually has at Thanksgiving (and I don’t think I’ll be making gravy since the only thing I would maybe need it for would be the turkey). I also don’t have any Thanksgiving dessert, but I have some other dessert stuff I can have instead. Hopefully, I can make this food without ruining it and I will feel like I have a taste of Thanksgiving.

I hope that you all are safe and enjoying today. I know that it’s not easy to be happy when many of us are spending today alone when we normally are with family. But I’m trying to spend today focusing on the good and positive and the idea that I will be with my family again soon. And when we are together again, I know we are going to appreciate it so much more than we ever have. If this year has taught us anything, it’s to not take the smallest things for granted. I always assumed that being with my family each year was a guarantee. Now I will appreciate it more and never just think that it’s automatically going to happen.

And maybe next year I’ll have some funny stories to share with my family about how my first attempt at making Thanksgiving on my own goes. If I ruin it, it will be a good story. If I’m successful at it, it will still be a good story and maybe I’ll be able to help out more. No matter what, I’m sure I’ll have something to share with everyone and it will be entertaining.

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Default ThumbnailHappy Thanksgiving (or A Quick Post) Default ThumbnailWhat I’m Thankful For (or Happy Thanksgiving!) Default ThumbnailHappy Thanksgiving! (or Time To Be Grateful) Default ThumbnailHappy Thanksgiving! (or Just A Quick Post) Default ThumbnailHappy Thanksgiving (or Just A Super Quick Post) Default ThumbnailFocusing On The Happy (or What Will Be Good At Thanksgiving)

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Posted in Celebrations, Family

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Finally Able To Drive Again (or Feeling Like I Have Some Freedom)

Posted on November 25, 2020 | Comments Off on Finally Able To Drive Again (or Feeling Like I Have Some Freedom)

When I came down with vertigo, there was no question that I couldn’t drive. I mean, for the first few days I couldn’t even stand. I was barely moving from beyond my bed. So there was also no reason for me to think about driving or doing anything. And for the first week of vertigo, I pretty much felt the same way. I wasn’t doing much at all and I didn’t even think about anything outside my door. Even just going across my driveway to do laundry seemed like a journey.

The second week with vertigo, I was making more and more progress. I still knew I couldn’t drive because of how often I was experiencing dizziness. I was feeling a bit more stir crazy that week because I wasn’t going anywhere and I hadn’t really been going anywhere for the few weeks before I got sick because I was quarantining to prepare to see my family. I wanted to get out and just do something. Even driving around aimlessly for a little while seemed like a treat that I wanted. But I couldn’t do it until I felt confident enough that I could drive.

Finally, over this past weekend, I was starting to feel almost normal again. I still occasionally experience moments of swaying, but it’s very different from the dizziness I was having for the two weeks prior. So I decided it was time to push myself a bit more. I wanted to be cautious with driving, so my first time driving again was only 3 blocks to run to the store for some things. I knew that I could always pull over and turn off my car if I had to. But I was not really experiencing much vertigo when I was sitting still. It was pretty much only when I was standing up.

And that first outing was a success! I did have a few moments of swaying while I was in the store, so I just leaned on the shelves for a moment to let it pass. But it was almost nothing compared to what I had been dealing with. And driving back was just as easy as driving there. So I finally felt more confident about driving.

On Monday, I did some more driving again. My phone has been dying lately. It’s pretty old in terms of how smartphones age, but the biggest issue I was having was a lack of battery power. I would charge it and unplug it at 100% and it would be dead within an hour. While I’ve been home, it’s not a huge deal because I can always charge it, but it’s been an inconvenience when I wanted to do something on my phone and not have to be next to a wall charger. And I had been wanting to get a new phone for a while. I know it’s not the most financially responsible thing to do, but at the same time I use my phone for work stuff and I think having a small thing that makes me happy is worth spending a bit more than normal. This isn’t something I do often. I try to use technology until it’s really dead. So I got a good phone in the hopes that this one will last me several years.

Driving to get the phone was a bit further than the store, but it was just as successful as my other drive. Again, I was driving on surface streets and not freeways so I knew I could always pull over if I needed to. But I’m glad I didn’t. I did have some moments of swaying at the store getting my phone, but I was also there for 2 hours (there were some weird things on my account that made take a bit longer to finish the purchase) so standing for 2 hours is a pretty long time considering what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.

I also did some more errands yesterday. These were things I needed to do like go to the grocery store (I do use grocery delivery, but there are some things I have to get in person). I’m not planning on driving every day, but that’s how things worked out for the past few days. Although the more I think about it, maybe doing a little driving or outing each day would be good for me. I don’t have to do anything that involves me getting out of my car to keep it safe, but not feeling trapped in my house is nice.

And besides not feeling trapped, I feel much more free knowing I can drive again. It’s not just the freedom of being able to drive, but the freedom of being able to do things for myself. I have gained a little independence that I didn’t have while I couldn’t drive. I can go out and do errands myself and not depend on others. I don’t like having to ask other people to do things for me. It’s a little bit of pride and a little bit of not wanting to be a hassle or problem. I know it’s not a big deal to ask people to help me and I’m always happy to help my friends. I just struggle with letting myself ask. And while I do want to work on that, I’m glad for now I can do things for myself again and I can feel a bit more normal.

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Almost Getting To Act (or Being On The Other Side Of A Self-Tape Audition)

Posted on November 24, 2020 | Comments Off on Almost Getting To Act (or Being On The Other Side Of A Self-Tape Audition)

I’ve had a few self-tape auditions during this pandemic. Even though there are a few more in-person auditions these days, self-tape auditions are still more common. It’s an easy way for casting directors to set up auditions and to keep themselves safe. And I think most of my actor friends have gotten a pretty decent system down for how to do the best self-tapes. I know I have. I might not have all the equipment I would like to have, but I’ve got a way to do decent work and I know that casting directors aren’t expecting something to be perfect in terms of film quality.

One of the weirdest parts of doing self-tape auditions these days is having someone to read the other lines with you. Before the pandemic, I would invite someone to come over to help me do a self-tape. They would run the camera and read the lines with me. But now, it’s not really safe to do that. And I think most people have done the same thing: we have our readers on a phone or video call.

I’ve figured out a way to have my reader on my phone while I record my audition on my iPad. And I set up my phone to be in a place where my friend can see the screen of my iPad if they are on a video call. That way, they can make sure that I’m still in frame and things look good. It’s a weird system, but it works. And I think most casting directors understand why our readers might sound tinny.

And this past week, I had the chance to be a reader for a friend’s audition. I hadn’t done that before and it was fun to do. I know it wasn’t my audition so I wasn’t really acting much saying the lines I had to say, but I also tried to make them sound a little more lively than if I was just reading them. My friend had a commercial audition with 2 scenes he had to do. So we had a couple of takes with each one until he felt like they were what he wanted. He had a camera recording him with a screen he could see, so he didn’t need me to be checking the frame. I just was seeing things off to the side to help him with an eye line.

There are so few opportunities right now to do any acting, so being a reader for someone else was a treat for me. It was a fraction of what I get to do when I book a job, but it’s much more than I normally get to do. It really made me so happy to do it. Plus, I was helping out a friend and that felt amazing too. I don’t do a ton of video calls because I think most people are a little burned out on them, so it was nice to get to have a quick catch up with a friend and actually see them and not just hear them. Honestly, it really was a highlight of my week last week. I don’t get to do much that makes me happy, so this was just much more special.

I’ve got my fingers crossed for my friend to book it (I think he did a great job with the audition). And I hope I get more opportunities to either do a self-tape myself or to help a friend record theirs. I crave any type of acting related work I can do and I hope I can do more of them. I know that eventually, things will be safe again to do in-person auditions more and more. They might still keep self-tape auditions. They’ve been a thing before, just not that common. And there are pros and cons for having them. But they are still auditions and they are still fun for me. And I’m grateful whenever I get to have any part in one, even if it’s just to help a friend with their audition.

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Slowly Working My Way Back (or Continuing To Have Dizzy Workouts)

Posted on November 23, 2020 | Comments Off on Slowly Working My Way Back (or Continuing To Have Dizzy Workouts)

It’s been over 2 weeks since I started having vertigo, and it’s slowly getting better. I’ve had minimal setbacks, but the progress also isn’t as fast as I hoped it would be. I am still noticing that things are getting better for me each day, but I still have a ways to go before I’m 100% back to normal.

For the most part, I’m not doing much and just trying to rest. The one big exception to that is doing my workouts. My workouts are still not near what they normally are, but I am trying to do the best that I can and to continue my routine. That’s what I was able to do the last time I wrote a recap and that’s what I did this past week as well.

I’m still modifying my workouts a lot. I’m limiting things that are face down since I notice those are making me a bit more dizzy. It might have to do with getting up and down so much, but it’s easy to just try to skip those when there are a lot of those exercises. I also rearrange the exercises if I need to so all the standing exercises are bunched together and all the floor exercises are bunched together. It’s not a perfect system, but it’s helping and I keep finding new things that I can do or ways to work around being dizzy.

I’m also still sitting down for some exercises when I can and I hold onto the wall for several standing ones. But I’m noticing that I can test not holding onto the wall or that I’m not feeling as bad after each block. Just like my overall progress, my workout progress is a slow journey and I just have to be patient and only try to push myself a little bit each time.

I know I’ve dealt with this situation before. I’ve had to come back from different injuries and from when I’ve been sick before. I know I can do it again. It’s always just tough for me to remember how slow the progress might be. I’m frustrated when I can’t do what I want to do or what I feel like I should be able to do. And it’s harder now because I’m not working out in the studio with my coach and my friends encouraging me. Working out alone is something that I’m used to, but it’s still not something I love. And I think seeing how it feels trying to get back to my old self is another thing to put on the list of what I don’t like about working out at home.

I’m still considering doing the Orangetheory outdoor workouts in the future. It’s something that I think will help with the motivation and to get me back to feeling like I have my normal workouts again in my life. I can’t do them just yet because I am not driving just yet (hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel up to driving) and I want to get my endurance and strength up a bit more. I know that the outdoor workouts will be harder than what I’ve been doing for the last 8 months, so I want to be more to my normal self before I push myself like that. But it also depends on how bad the cases get around here. I have to still decide if it’s worth the small risk. I know that it’s much safer than many workout places are because it’s outside, everyone has to wear a mask, and people are kept apart. But it’s still a risk that I have to be totally on board with taking. Since I’m not ready to try those workouts, I still have time to decide what I want to do.

I hope that this week, I will continue to make progress and get better. I’m ready to feel a bit more like me and to feel like my workouts are really good and tough. I want to feel strong again. And I want to not have to worry about feeling dizzy in the middle of a workout. I know I’m getting there and I’ll get there eventually. I just would really love for that to happen this week.

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Missing Family (or Things Hit Harder This Year)

Posted on November 20, 2020 | Comments Off on Missing Family (or Things Hit Harder This Year)

Today is my grandma’s birthday. It’s not the first birthday to happen since she passed away. But it still feels fresh in a way in my mind. I forgot to turn off the reminder alarm on my phone to buy my grandma a birthday card, so I got the alert a week ago. I think before that happened, I almost forgot that her birthday was coming up.

I didn’t completely forget because I know her birthday is around Thanksgiving, but this year has been so odd that in a way I forgot that Thanksgiving is next week. So that reminder to buy a birthday card (which I have now removed), just brought things back to reality to me. And it hit me with a double punch. First, missing my grandma so much, and second, realizing again that I will not be seeing my family this year for Thanksgiving.

When the pandemic first hit, I know a lot of us tried to stay optimistic about Thanksgiving. It was half a year away so we thought that this might be done by then and we could have a family Thanksgiving. I remember when flights went on sale and I talked to my mom about if I should buy tickets. She told me to wait to buy them because things were still a bit unsure. I think it was over the summer that we finally said as a family that Thanksgiving wasn’t going to happen. I was supposed to have a small family Thanksgiving meal early with just my immediate family, but I missed that last week since I was sick. My parents did bring me some leftovers so I had Thanksgiving food, but it wasn’t exactly the same.

Even though I don’t see my family too often, I feel pretty close to them. I talk to my aunts and cousins throughout the year. Sometimes we are able to see each other more than once a year, but even if we can’t it doesn’t feel like any time has passed when we get together. I know if I needed something, I could call anyone in my family and they would help me. And seeing everyone once a year has been something that I have done for every year of my life. So missing out on it this year is hitting me really hard. It’s the only big tradition that my family has, and we can’t do it. I know that missing it this year is the right thing to do and it will keep us all healthy and able to have many more Thanksgivings in the future, but it doesn’t make it easier.

I am very lucky that everyone in my family is healthy and able to be safe. Even though I have a few family members who work in hospitals, they have what they need to protect themselves. I know that so many people can’t say that, so I am so grateful that is the case with my family. And while I loved my grandma so much, a few of us have said how we feel a little relief that we don’t have to worry about her right now. If she was still alive, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for my family to be worried about her constantly since she was in a nursing home. And with the type of dementia that she had, I don’t know if she would have understood why nobody could visit her, and she might have been very upset with us all.

And at least my family has been able to be together once since my grandma passed away. We were able to have a little time to celebrate her life and share memories last year at Thanksgiving. I don’t know if you ever feel closure with someone’s death, but it did help me feel a little more closure that we were all together and remembering my grandparents. I think it also helped me come to terms with things because it almost felt like a fever dream when I found out my grandma passed away. I needed that time as a family and I’m so glad we were able to do that. But I still wish we could continue to have that time together this year.

By my grandma’s birthday next year, I hope that I will be having an easier time with it. I know that with other people who have passed away, each year their birthday is a little easier and a little less sad. I still miss them like crazy, but the day is more about remembering them and not mourning them. And hopefully by Thanksgiving next year, my family will be able to be together again and this missed Thanksgiving will just be a blip in our lives.

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Posted in Family, Tough Stuff

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Dealing With A Small Setback (or At Least I Can Manage Vertigo A Bit More)

Posted on November 19, 2020 | Comments Off on Dealing With A Small Setback (or At Least I Can Manage Vertigo A Bit More)

After all my talk about trying to prevent a setback, I had one yesterday. It wasn’t bad, but I did have more vertigo than the day before. It wasn’t anything like when I first got it, but it still scared me. I don’t want to get any worse, and even a small setback makes me fearful that is exactly what is happening.

I noticed that I was experiencing more vertigo from the moment I woke up yesterday. When I got out of bed, I almost fell forward. I was able to catch myself and stand up, but I was much less stable on my feet. I was holding onto the walls to walk, but at least I could walk. And as my morning went on, I was getting a little better but still not as good as I had been doing.

This vertigo was a bit different from the initial vertigo. When I got sick, it was like the world was tilted or spinning around me. I couldn’t tell up from down and I felt like everything was constantly moving. This time, it was more like being dizzy when I moved too quickly. It was almost like my eyes couldn’t keep up with my head. If I turned to the side, my vision took a second to get there. And the time it took to focus made the world sway back and forth. But once my vision caught up, it didn’t sway as much. And by the end of the day, I was able to walk without holding on to the walls. It’s a little sad when that is what I consider a victory, but I had to think that way. I woke up not able to walk without holding on and I ended the day unsteady but not needing to always hold on.

I took things very easy yesterday because of this. I still attempted to do my workout. But beyond that, I spent most of the day resting and not moving around too much. I wanted to do more, but I knew that clearly I had overdone it before and that’s why I was experiencing the setback. So I needed to be resting even more so I could stop the setback and not have another one.

As much as I told myself that this recovery was not going to be as easy as I wanted it to be, it’s still frustrating to have a setback. I’m better at managing vertigo now that I’ve been having it for almost 2 weeks. I know things I can do to feel a bit better or to make my life a little easier. And hopefully, this is the only setback I have and from now on I’ll just have progress forward until I get over this completely.

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Doing A Lot While Sitting (or Weird Productivity)

Posted on November 18, 2020 | Comments Off on Doing A Lot While Sitting (or Weird Productivity)

I never understood how annoying recovery from vertigo could be until now. Then again, I never experienced vertigo that lasted more than a few hours before. Recovery before was pretty quick. Whenever vertigo ended, it was over. Usually, that was almost like a light switch. One moment I had it and the next I didn’t. Rarely, I would feel vertigo lessen over the course of a few minutes or an hour. But it still ended quickly and I felt like myself again before I knew it.

This time, it’s been a long and annoying recovery. I don’t feel like I’m over it at all. I’m doing significantly better, but I still am dizzy a lot during the day. When I wake up in the morning, I have had some of the worst vertigo of the day. It’s a bit scary because I’m worried that I have had a setback and that the day was going to be really bad. But I’m grateful it hasn’t been like that. But just because I’m not having a setback doesn’t mean I’m having amazing progress. The progress is slow and frustrating. My mind wants to do so much and my body just can’t.

I’m continuing to take it easy when I can. I am cautious when I’m walking because I know I might need to hold on to a wall. I do a lot of sitting and laying down during the day. I will nap if I need to because I know that it’s not a bad thing. But taking it easy is never something that I have done well. I usually push myself a lot and want to challenge myself. I guess vertigo is teaching me to be gentle and slow down, but I also want to make sure I’m not wasting my days when I’m finally doing better.

But because of how dizzy I am still getting, what I can do each day is limited. So for the past few days, I’ve been doing things that I can do while sitting down. I have done some cooking while sitting (which isn’t easy and not something I’m doing a lot). I’ve reorganized my dresser drawers and refolded a lot of my workout and athleisure clothes while sitting in front of the drawer. And I’m starting to work on cleaning up my file cabinets and seeing what I really need to keep and how I can make my desk a more productive space while sitting.

I’m not usually someone who sits while I do these types of things. I like being able to walk around while working on a project and having different spaces for different piles. But for now, I really don’t want to do that. Even though I probably could do it, it’s easy for me to just sit and I’m not worried about falling while walking. And I’m starting to get used to how weird it feels to be sitting in one spot while doing these things.

I still hope that I stop having vertigo issues soon. I’m so ready to be over it and to get back to doing more things that I want to do. I try to remind myself how much better I’m doing now than I was doing last week, but I also feel like I’m still so far from how I am normally.

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The Week That Didn’t Happen (or Last Week Was A Mini 2020)

Posted on November 17, 2020 | Comments Off on The Week That Didn’t Happen (or Last Week Was A Mini 2020)

I have joked for a few months now that 2020 is the year that didn’t happen. It seems like this year doesn’t exist. Nothing is progressing forward (or it’s progressing a fraction of what it should be). It seems like I’m just moving along this year but not doing anything. So it really does feel like until the pandemic is over and it is safe to get back to life, everything is on hold and time isn’t really happening. I know it sounds weird, but that’s the best way to explain how this stagnation feels to me.

Well if 2020 is the year that didn’t happen, last week was the week that didn’t happen. I know that it’s ok that’s how my week went because I was dealing with vertigo and had to take care of myself. But it’s still weird to think back to last week and not really know what I did with all my time.

I have some things that I know that I did. I know when I was trying to work. I know when I was doing a virtual movie hangout with friends. I know when I tried to do some cooking. But for a lot of the week, I was in a bit of a cloud. I tried to read sometimes but gave up when it was too difficult to focus on the words. I know I took a lot of naps. Some of those naps lasted hours and I slept away the majority of the day. I tried to watch tv from time to time, but it wasn’t easy to keep my eyes on the screen when things were spinning or swaying.

Maybe I slept away more of the week than I remember. That’s the easy explanation for why I don’t remember how I passed the time. But I know that I probably also just zoned out from time to time and that’s what occupied my time. It’s weird to feel so confused about what I did, but there’s nothing to show me what I did since I spent all my time alone in my house. I guess it’s a good thing that I was safe and had everything that I needed in my house.

The vertigo is still affecting me, but it’s much less than what it was like last week. I am able to read and watch tv and it doesn’t bother me to focus on stuff. I’m doing a bit more work and trying to do more things sitting up rather than laying down. While the vertigo was at its worst, sitting up was very difficult. It’s still not normal, but I can do it more and more. And I want to get back to things that I know I didn’t do last week that I was planning on doing.

I’m still trying to apply for jobs because I do need to find work. I want to believe that my job will be back soon, but I really don’t know when it will be an option for me. I also technically don’t know if I’ll be guaranteed my job back when locations reopen, but I feel pretty comfortable that it will be offered to me. I’m only looking at jobs that are remote, but that’s more and more common now so that helps a bit. But there still aren’t that many jobs out there while things are still shutdown.

And I didn’t do any work on my book last week. I was doing really great the first week of the month, but then nothing happened the second week. I’m trying to get back into the groove of writing, but it’s hard when I fell out of that habit already. I’m not trying to make up for the time that I wasn’t working on it, but that’s ok because finishing the book wasn’t necessarily my goal this time. I would love to finish it, but there are other things that I can do that would be big accomplishments with the book other than writing the entire thing.

I’m hoping that the vertigo won’t affect my week too much this week. I’m trying to push myself a little bit more every day, but I’m also aware that if I do too much I could have a huge setback. It’s a balancing act and I’m constantly testing myself and seeing what I can do. There are a few things that I’m not even considering, like trying to drive my car or doing some jump rope work during my workouts. But for most things in my house, I’m trying to do more and more of what my normal routine is these days.

I know it’s ok to have a lost week, especially during a lost year. But I don’t want to be in the habit of not accomplishing things week to week because I know that I could do that and it won’t be doing anything good for me. I need to continue to try to be productive and find a purpose while I’m not living my full and normal life.

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