When I came down with vertigo, there was no question that I couldn’t drive. I mean, for the first few days I couldn’t even stand. I was barely moving from beyond my bed. So there was also no reason for me to think about driving or doing anything. And for the first week of vertigo, I pretty much felt the same way. I wasn’t doing much at all and I didn’t even think about anything outside my door. Even just going across my driveway to do laundry seemed like a journey.
The second week with vertigo, I was making more and more progress. I still knew I couldn’t drive because of how often I was experiencing dizziness. I was feeling a bit more stir crazy that week because I wasn’t going anywhere and I hadn’t really been going anywhere for the few weeks before I got sick because I was quarantining to prepare to see my family. I wanted to get out and just do something. Even driving around aimlessly for a little while seemed like a treat that I wanted. But I couldn’t do it until I felt confident enough that I could drive.
Finally, over this past weekend, I was starting to feel almost normal again. I still occasionally experience moments of swaying, but it’s very different from the dizziness I was having for the two weeks prior. So I decided it was time to push myself a bit more. I wanted to be cautious with driving, so my first time driving again was only 3 blocks to run to the store for some things. I knew that I could always pull over and turn off my car if I had to. But I was not really experiencing much vertigo when I was sitting still. It was pretty much only when I was standing up.
And that first outing was a success! I did have a few moments of swaying while I was in the store, so I just leaned on the shelves for a moment to let it pass. But it was almost nothing compared to what I had been dealing with. And driving back was just as easy as driving there. So I finally felt more confident about driving.
On Monday, I did some more driving again. My phone has been dying lately. It’s pretty old in terms of how smartphones age, but the biggest issue I was having was a lack of battery power. I would charge it and unplug it at 100% and it would be dead within an hour. While I’ve been home, it’s not a huge deal because I can always charge it, but it’s been an inconvenience when I wanted to do something on my phone and not have to be next to a wall charger. And I had been wanting to get a new phone for a while. I know it’s not the most financially responsible thing to do, but at the same time I use my phone for work stuff and I think having a small thing that makes me happy is worth spending a bit more than normal. This isn’t something I do often. I try to use technology until it’s really dead. So I got a good phone in the hopes that this one will last me several years.
Driving to get the phone was a bit further than the store, but it was just as successful as my other drive. Again, I was driving on surface streets and not freeways so I knew I could always pull over if I needed to. But I’m glad I didn’t. I did have some moments of swaying at the store getting my phone, but I was also there for 2 hours (there were some weird things on my account that made take a bit longer to finish the purchase) so standing for 2 hours is a pretty long time considering what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.
I also did some more errands yesterday. These were things I needed to do like go to the grocery store (I do use grocery delivery, but there are some things I have to get in person). I’m not planning on driving every day, but that’s how things worked out for the past few days. Although the more I think about it, maybe doing a little driving or outing each day would be good for me. I don’t have to do anything that involves me getting out of my car to keep it safe, but not feeling trapped in my house is nice.
And besides not feeling trapped, I feel much more free knowing I can drive again. It’s not just the freedom of being able to drive, but the freedom of being able to do things for myself. I have gained a little independence that I didn’t have while I couldn’t drive. I can go out and do errands myself and not depend on others. I don’t like having to ask other people to do things for me. It’s a little bit of pride and a little bit of not wanting to be a hassle or problem. I know it’s not a big deal to ask people to help me and I’m always happy to help my friends. I just struggle with letting myself ask. And while I do want to work on that, I’m glad for now I can do things for myself again and I can feel a bit more normal.
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