Ending My Scale Hiatus (or That Will Be A One-Time Experiment)

When I set the goal to not step on my scale during the Nike ID Challenge at Orangetheory, I knew it was going to be tough. I had no idea it would be as bad as it was.

At first, it wasn’t that horrible. Because weighing myself first thing in the morning is a habit, it did seem weird the first few mornings not getting on the scale. It felt like I was forgetting to do something while getting ready for my day.

It helped that part of this challenge happened over Thanksgiving. I’m used to not weighing myself when I’m out-of-town (although I have traveled with my scale in the past). While I was in San Diego, I didn’t miss weighing myself.

But as soon as I got home from Thanksgiving, it got really bad. I wanted to weigh myself to see how “good” I was over Thanksgiving. I use the scale as a reality check when in my head I feel like I gained 10 pounds from one meal. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever stop having that fear. But the scale is a good way to look at the numbers in black and white and take the emotion out of it.

But I wasn’t able to get that fear out of my head. I thought about ending my no-scale challenge, but I really wanted to prove to myself that I was able to do it.

After Thanksgiving, not weighing myself in the mornings was causing me to have some mini panic attacks. They weren’t as bad as they can get, but I was feeling anxious and uneasy for a while in the mornings.

Then, this past weekend when my challenge was almost over, I had a massive panic attack. I have no idea if the no-scale challenge caused it, but it’s possible. It was one of the panic attacks where I sweat like crazy, my vision is blurry and blacks out a little, and I ended up passing out (fortunately, I know that sometimes I pass out so I was waiting out the panic attack on my bed so I didn’t get hurt). I passed out for a few minutes and when I came to, I was feeling a bit better. I was able to breathe normally again and I continued on with my day.

Finally, yesterday my challenge ended. I did lose a little weight over the past month, but it wasn’t more than I usually lose in a month. Not stepping on the scale didn’t help me lose weight nor did it make me happy. So this is the end of that challenge, and I have no plan on ever doing it again.

I’m not sure if I will weigh myself every day like I used to. But if I do, I’m totally ok with that. If stepping on the scale every day helps me stay calm and not have to deal with panic attacks, it’s worth it. And while many people might disagree with my decision because you really should only weigh yourself once a week, I’m finding out what works for me. And I’m finally ok with the fact that sometimes things that don’t work for anyone else really do work for me and don’t harm me in any way.

But I am proud of myself that I was able to stick with this challenge and prove to myself that while it wasn’t fun, it can be done.

 

Podcasts and Twitter (or An Evening Out With Some Actors)

Monday evening was a pretty fun evening for me. I had done my workout in the morning so I would be free for the festivities.

First, there was a gathering for fans of the podcast that I work for. Also, some of us on the team of the podcast attended. It was a casual get-together at Chipotle. I got there a bit early and met up with the community manager and one of the hosts of the podcast.

It was a nice catch-up for us and I’m always happy to go out and get some Chipotle. Soon, some of our listeners showed up to hang out with us and meet the team in person.

I love getting to meet new people who are as motivated as I am to work in the entertainment industry. There are so many people out there who aren’t working hard for themselves and are waiting for their agents and managers to do everything for them. I’m not like that and it’s so great to find others like me.

After dinner at Chipotle, we walked a few blocks down the street to where the LA Actors Tweetup was happening. On the way, we passed a step and repeat for some event that Netflix was doing. There wasn’t anyone there, so we took the opportunity to take a photo or two.

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We got to the Tweetup just as it was starting. I hadn’t been to a Tweetup in a while. They are either on nights that I have other things to do or I’ve been out-of-town. But since we were doing the podcast hangout before the Tweetup, I made sure to clear my schedule.

I got to see some friends who I hadn’t seen in a while and meet a bunch of cool new people. But around 9pm, I was exhausted. I had gotten up at 6am and I didn’t know it at the time but I was getting sick (as soon as I got home that evening my nose was completely stuffed up). So I made my rounds of goodbyes, which always takes forever, and headed back home.

It’s always so great to meet people who support the same things that you do or support the projects that you are a part of. I really should make more of an effort to attend more Tweetups and similar events. For a while, I didn’t want to change up my workout schedule because I was scared that it would be a sign that I would stop going. But now I’m feeling more comfortable shifting my workouts as long as I’m still getting my 3-4 workouts in during the week.

Again, this is all a great sign that I’m transforming into a better person.

An Evening Of Makeup (or Besame Cosmetics)

Right after Brandi’s birthday brunch, I had to rush to get to my next event for the day. I had been invited to check out Besame Cosmetics and the launch of their latest product. But since I’m not great at doing makeup, my in between stop was here.

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A new friend of mine from Orangetheory is a makeup artist for Smashbox and she offered to do my makeup for me before I headed to Burbank for the Besame event. I said yes right away and was so excited to have my makeup done.

As soon as she was done, I was shocked at how I looked. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so pretty!

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While it seemed like a lot of makeup to me, it was the perfect amount and I couldn’t have been happier with my look!

As soon as I got to Burbank, I found a parking spot in front of the store and headed inside.

I hadn’t heard of Besame Cosmetics before this event, but their makeup all has a vintage theme and has fewer ingredients than most companies (making them better for sensitive skin). Their store was so cute!

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The launch party was for their new Vanilla Brightening Face Powder.

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It’s a translucent powder that can be used with or without foundation. And it seriously helps to brighten up any dark spots or circles on your face (sadly, I forgot to take a picture after I tried it out). The Vanilla Brightening Face Powder is for light to medium skin but they also have a French Vanilla Brightening Face Powder for darker complexions.

What I loved the most about this product was it is pretty much fool-proof (a necessity for any makeup that I use). It also smells super yummy!

I checked out all the various products that they had at their store and then starting chatting with some other bloggers. The women I met at this event were so friendly and happy to give me some pointers on what I can do to make this blog better. I’ve met so many bloggers who have the attitude of “I had to learn it all on my own so you have to do it on your own too.”. It was so nice to meet bloggers who really wanted to help others not make the same mistakes that they have.

After chatting with the bloggers, we decided to get a drink. There was a bar in the back with a couple of speciality drinks. I tried the Vanilla Snow, and it was so delicious!

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It was made with vanilla vodka, Godiva white chocolate liquor, milk, and crushed peppermint candies! I might have to try to make this if I end up doing a holiday-time party this year!

It was getting late (at least late for me when I had been up at 6am that day), so I got ready to head home. On my way out, I was presented with a gift bag.

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Inside was the Vanilla Brightening Face Powder and a bottle of their 1950’s perfume (I got to choose my perfume and I liked the 1950’s scent the most).

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I have to say that know that I know about Besame Cosmetics, I definitely want to test out more of their products. They have some amazing lipstick colors! And if you want to check out their new Brightening Powders, they will be for sale at Sephora in the New Year!

A Birthday Brunch (or Celebrating With Some Fabulous Ladies)

Recently it was my friend Brandi’s birthday. Right before her birthday she sent me an invite to her birthday party which was a brunch at 26 Beach.

I love when my friends have casual birthday get together like this. There are always a lot of people who can attend and it’s a relaxing time. I was so excited to hang out with everyone.

While 26 Beach might be famous for their French Toast, I’m trying to be good even on splurge days. So while a lot of the girls ordered some delicious sounding French Toasts plates (some of which came with ice cream), I tried to have a healthier splurge.

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I got eggs, bacon, and breakfast potatoes. It was super yummy and not too horrible of a splurge.

Most of the afternoon was spent just catching up with these ladies. Everyone has been up to some fabulous things and I loved hearing about them! Brandi, along with some other friends, won a film festival recently for her short film “Muted” and will have her film airing on HBO soon! It was awesome to hear about the adventure that winning that festival has taken them on.

This gathering made me miss doing more stuff with our Girls Night Out group (many of those girls were at the brunch). We are going to try to make an effort to have an outing every few months so we can make sure that we don’t go 6 or 7 months without being together as a group.

And of course, since this was a celebration of Brandi’s birthday, there was an ice cream cone with a candle in it and everyone in the room sang Happy Birthday to her.

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After that, I had to head out. I had a lot to get done that afternoon/evening and I needed to start my preparation. But before I left, we got a group picture (or an almost all group picture since some girls had to leave before we could take it).

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I love getting to spend time with these ladies. They are going to be the leaders in the entertainment industry soon, I just know it. Everyone is so motivated and talented and they inspire me to do more and push myself so I can feel like I’m catching up to all of them.

I’m just so lucky that I get to call them my friends.

Getting Through It Because Of My Workout Friends (or 3 Days In A Row)

This past week of workouts were intense! First of all, I was putting a lot of focus into my nutrition and I learned how my body reacts with different foods during different times of the day. I never worried too much about what I ate for lunch, but this past week I discovered that my workouts are much better when I pretty much eat only protein for lunch with a banana as a pre-workout snack (this might shift a little, but for now this is working for me).

The second reason this week was crazy was it was not only a 4 workout week, I had 3 days of workouts in a row! I’ve never done more than 2 in a row, but in order for me to have enough workouts for the Nike ID Challenge I had to do 4 workouts this week. And there was not a chance for me to go on the weekend. So I did Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Monday was an unusual day. First, I had another guest come with me to class (now I have all 3 I need for the challenge!). She is a new friend of mine through Tone It Up. It was awesome getting to meet someone new, but as we were chatting before class, our coach Bruce told us that it was going to be an interesting workout.

It ended up being a partner workout. This was the first time I had experienced this at Orangetheory. Basically, you partner up with another person and one of you does the cardio portion while the other does the strength portion. The person on cardio keeps going until the strength person is done and tags you. Then you switch.

This was pretty awesome. It motivated me to keep doing my reps because the longer I took on my strength workout the longer my partner had to do the cardio. I think my friend enjoyed it too, but she was a bit overwhelmed with it all (a common feeling for first-timers).

Also on Monday, I did my last photo for the Nike ID Challenge. I’ve been having fun with my photos, but the last one had stumped me as to what I should do. I had to take a photo with a Orangetheory pen or water bottle. That didn’t seem too exciting, so I kept putting it off until I thought of the perfect idea.

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I did my best to spell out OTFLA with them! My friend Sarah stood on a bench to take this photo while I laid on the ground with the pens and water bottles. I think all the staff at Orangetheory enjoyed watching me attempt this photo.

Wednesday’s workout was a normal one (as in not a partner workout), but I was starting to get hip pain from the weather. And since that was the start of my 3 days in a row, I was being careful with medicating myself.

Thursday was another partner workout and I think it was even tougher than the one we did on Monday! I had to do so much rowing that day (which I do enjoy more than the treadmill but is much tougher to do) and I was using some pretty heavy weights. After that class, I questioned how well I could do on Friday.

Friday morning I was actually pretty scared about how I would feel in the workout. My 4th workout in the week is always a tough one and my body never feels rested enough. But even if I couldn’t give what I can give every other day, I knew I was going to give as much as I possibly could.

It was a class with short blocks for the workout. Every block was only 5 minutes long and there were 8 blocks total. So we weren’t doing anything for more than 5 minutes (with the exception of the treadmill where we had 2 blocks back to back). I was definitely sore, but I wasn’t feeling that much worse than a typical 4th workout.

My calorie burn was much lower than usual, but some calorie burn is better than none. And the proof that the entire class worked hard was on the window.

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We fogged it up so much that it was easy for us to all sign our names as people who spent their Friday kicking butt!

This week brings the end of the Nike ID Challenge. I will have done everything asked of me (the last required workout for me will be today). I’m sure you all can guess that just because the challenge is ending doesn’t mean that I’ll be stopping at Orangetheory. I’m going to go back to 3 days a week for this week, but I’m toying with the idea of doing 4 days a week every other week until it’s not hurting me too much to have the 4th day.

But for now, I’m happy to focus on pushing myself a bit more each and every week.

Upgrading My Kitchen (or Time To Organize)

After my day of bulk cooking, I realized that I don’t have some things that I can really use in the kitchen. And I have a lot of things that I definitely don’t need (or are expired and I never noticed it).

So on Monday (my day off from my main day job), I set out to remedy this problem. The first thing I did was go through all of my cabinets and throw out any things that had expired. I had a lot of oils, sauces, and dry goods that I don’t use that often and many of them had expiration dates of a year or 2 ago! While some of it I know I will be replacing, many things in my cabinet were things that I bought for just one recipe and never used it again. That’s such a waste of money (and cabinet space for me). I’m really going to work on only restocking things that are more than one-time-use items.

My next clean out was my storage containers. As pretty much everyone does, I had a ton of storage containers that didn’t really go together. I had a lot of lids without containers and visa versa. And while I do like the “disposable” storage containers you can get at the store, I wanted to make sure that if I was going to bulk cook that I had good quality containers.

I got rid of many of the disposable ones (since I pretty much never use them) and saved all of my Snapware. I have the plastic Snapware that I got a long time ago and have always liked how they sealed so tightly.

My last clean out stage in my kitchen was to move things around to be in more convenient places for me. Until this week, I stored several pans in my oven because I didn’t know where else to put them. I almost always remembered to take them out before heating my oven, but on the occasions that I didn’t, it was always a pain to lift super hot pans out of my oven and find a place to store them (usually on the top of my stove). After moving some pantry items around and having more space since I got rid of expired things, I found a new home for those pans.

Then, it was time to add a few things to my kitchen to make sure I’m prepared to bulk cook again.

The first was to get more storage containers. I didn’t have that many to begin with and I wanted to get some more Snapware since I know I like those containers. I know many people don’t like plastic containers, but since I do not plan to microwave in them I figured that they would be ok. I looked online for prices and found that Costco had a great deal on them. So I headed over there and ended up arriving even before the store opened (am I the only one who didn’t know Costco didn’t open until 10am?).

I found exactly what I wanted pretty quickly.

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I also was looking to get a second cutting board for my house. I only had one and during the bulk cooking I had to wash and dry it multiple times. It’s not the easiest thing to wash and it was slowing me down a lot. But while I was looking at cutting boards, I found something pretty awesome.

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This bamboo cutting board has a groove cut out in the middle to place different liners in. There are 7 different ones to be used for different food products. While I might not always use the meat liner for meat, this basically gives me 7 cutting boards to use when I’m cooking!

While I got rid of more things than I added in my kitchen, I think that I am now more prepared to do more cooking at home. I’m made my tiny kitchen space as efficient as I can be and I’m looking forward to seeing what other things I can cook and store in my bulk cooking.

It’s so weird. I’ve never enjoyed cooking that much. I’ve tried to force myself to like it because my mom is an awesome cook and I see what can be created at home. But it never really clicked with me. I don’t want to say that I’m been completely transformed, but I’ve never felt this way about cooking or meal planning before. I’m excited to see where my food journey goes next!

First Time Bulk Cooking (or Making My Kitchen Smell Yummy!)

Inspired by my cooking confidence that I gained while making the salmon dish, I decided to try something else new.

Bulk cooking.

I looked up a lot of ideas on Pinterest and various websites to find some basic things that should be easy enough for me to do. I decided on one basic protein (chicken breasts) and a couple of vegetables. I hadn’t completely decided on the vegetables prior to going to Trader Joes because I wanted to see what I would find and if anything inspired me.

I ended up buying the chicken breasts as well as broccoli, green beans, red onions, red peppers, and sweet potatoes. I also got some baby carrots, sugar snap peas, and hummus to have as snacks.

It was one of my more expensive shopping trips, but I was buying food for the week. Plus I usually don’t buy meat (at least not meat I have to prepare) so that was a bit more expensive. But considering that this should be my only shopping trip for the week and that I’m not eating take out or delivery this week, it actually is less than I would usually spend.

Before I knew it, my kitchen was looking like this.

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I cut each chicken breast in half lengthwise and put a little olive oil and some Trader Joes seasoning on them. Then they baked until the insides weren’t pink anymore (about 35 minutes). The sweet potatoes went in the same time that the chicken went in, but they ended up taking a little over 2 hours to bake (starting at 400 and then ending at 450). The broccoli, onions, and green beans went in when the chicken was done. I did learn my lesson with the green beans that I overcrowded them and they steamed more than they baked, but they were still yummy. And the onions were perfectly caramelized!

Overall, I think my first try at bulk cooking went really well. My timing of things was a bit off, but that’s to be expected when you aren’t a big cooker.

All the food went into storage containers to cool before going into my fridge.

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With everything in the fridge, it looked more crowded than it usually is, but since it’s just me at my house, that’s fine.

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I made my first reheated bulk dinner the next day after a workout. I put everything on a plate and microwaved it (I’ve since learned that I need to smash up the sweet potato otherwise it doesn’t heat all the way through). My first plate looked beautiful and was very yummy.

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I’m not sure if I’m going to bulk cook every week. I’m going to see how this entire week plays out. In a typically week, I can cook on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays so I’m toying with the idea of doing some bulk cooking but then cooking a recipe on those days and having leftovers on the day between cooking days.

Either way, this is a major step for me. I don’t know why I’ve been holding back on cooking for so long. While it’s a bit tough considering how small my kitchen is, it’s not impossible. And now I’m eating much healthier (and much more food since everything is lower in calories than frozen dinners). Hopefully I can make this trend continue just like my workouts have been.

Westside Wonderland (or Hanging Out At The Mall)

A fellow blogger had posted a giveaway that they were doing for an event at a mall near my house. I entered, but since I never win much, I didn’t pay too much attention to the details. A few days later, I got an email saying that I won, so I decided to do a bit more research to see what I had gotten myself into.

The event was Westside Wonderland, a shopping evening with food, drinks and entertainment.

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The contest I won was for 2 tickets, so I texted my friend Rayshell to see if she was free and wanted to come along. She could, so on Sunday she met me over at my house and we headed over to the event together.

We got there a little early, but we were able to check in and get our wristbands. We had a few shopping errands that we both wanted to run, so we went and did our shopping first. Then we decided to see what sort of offerings there were at the event.

There was a jewelry store that had some veggies, brownies, and sparkling cider so we hung out there for a bit (the jewelry was pretty awesome too but neither of us had the money to spend on it). There was also a photo booth set up and a DJ in the middle of the mall.

Then we noticed a crowd toward the other end of the mall so we headed there.

We knew that there would be food, but we had no idea that it would be like this.

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Fill R Up was there making these amazing savoy (and some sweet) Brioche donuts that were filled with savory foam and topped with lots of yummy things. Then, they were torched right there in front of us to be cooked!

It was so cool to watch, and everyone wanted a bite. We tried the Filly Tank (a Philly cheesecake style donut) and the Caprese Tank (which tasted like a pizza to me). Then we got some dessert with the Campfire Tank which was like a deconstructed s’more.

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We hung out at that food station for a while, but it was so good that we kept wanting to try more!

After that, we decided to head back toward where we started to see what other things were going on. We were both getting a little tired and didn’t have a lot of money to spend. So we were thinking that we were getting ready to leave soon.

Back near the entrance of the mall, there was a lounge area set up for attendees of the event (the mall was open to regular customers while we were there, so that’s why we needed the wristbands).

In the lounge area, Fleurish was there to help us all make our own flower arrangements. I had never heard of Fleurish before, but it’s such a cool idea! You get to make your own arrangements with the help of the employees in their studio and you can even take classes to be able to make arrangements at home!

Rayshell and I both wanted to make a little arrangement. And with some help from a Fleurish employee, I think we both did a pretty awesome job!

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After making our flower arrangements, it was time for us to head out. While we didn’t stay a long time at the event, we both had an awesome time and we got some shopping done and got some wonderful things to eat!

Garlic Parmesan Salmon and Asparagus (or Getting Over My Fear Of Cooking)

I’ve mentioned my fear of cooking before. If it’s something I’ve made a hundred times or is really easy, I’m totally down to cook it. But if it’s something new or using my oven (which is always tricky to use), I’m pretty hesitant.

But for the Orangetheory Nike ID Challenge, one of the required photos for the Instagram portion was me with a homemade meal. And while I could have made something I’ve made before or even taken a photo at Thanksgiving, I took advantage of this and decided to challenge myself.

I had pinned this recipe a while back because it seemed simple and would have an easy clean up. I was right on both counts. So here it is for all of you.

When I made this recipe, I doubled it so I would have leftovers for the next day. I highly recommend doing that.

Garlic Parmesan Salmon and Asparagus Foil Pack

What You Need:

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6 oz portion of salmon

7 asparagus stalks (tough ends cut off)

1 Tbsp whipped butter

1 Tbsp grated parmesan cheese

1 clove garlic pressed

2 tsp lemon juice

Ground pepper to taste.

What To Do:

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

Put all ingredients except for salmon and asparagus in a bowl and mix them to make a paste.

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Place a piece of foil on a baking sheet large enough for the salmon (I made my foil twice the size of the salmon to be able to fold it over).

Arrange your asparagus in a row on the foil.

Place the salmon on top of the asparagus.

Coat the salmon with the paste you made with the other ingredients.

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Cover your salmon tightly with the foil. I added a second piece of foil to make sure that all the seams were tight.

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Bake in the over for about 30 minutes. Unwrap, plate, and enjoy!

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Seriously, that’s it! So easy and since it’s wrapped in foil, the clean up is pretty much non-existent. When I reheated the second piece of salmon the next day, I did it under the broiler so the top would get nice and crispy. I would recommend doing that to everyone. It made it much better!

I’m slowing getting used to eating fish again. I was having sensitivity issues with it for years, but I’ve finally outgrown it. I’m discovering which fish I like and what I don’t. I’m not a huge salmon fan, so when I make this again, I will likely use something I like (I’m a fan of tilapia and cod). And you could use the paste mixture on chicken, but I don’t know how chicken does in a foil pack. But you could definitely bake it with the garlic and parmesan!

This was so easy and delicious that it inspired me to try to cook some more! But I’ll have more about that another day.

4 Workout Week (or Getting Some Friends To Come Try Orangetheory)

I’ve passed the halfway mark in the Orangetheory Nike ID Challenge. This challenge hasn’t been easy for me, but that’s the point of it.

Monday was an awesome day. My friend Teresa and her boyfriend Adam were able to come and work out with me. Teresa had been wanting to come with me for a while, but it just wasn’t working out for her. But once she realized that if she and her boyfriend came now they would be helping me win a challenge, it got them to the class!

I was hoping that they would be able to start on the treadmills with me, but because the class was so crowded, they started with the strength section. So I didn’t exactly get to work out with them, but we did chat afterwards and they seemed to have had a great time (although tired from the tough workout)!

The Monday Challenge was actually part of the workout on Monday. It was the fastest 1 mile run you could do. For power walkers, it was the fastest 1/2 mile at 10% incline without your hands ever touching the rails. Sadly, because I don’t walk evenly due to my hip issues, I have to hold on while I walk (I’ve fallen off before). So I wasn’t technically able to participate in the Monday Challenge, but I still did my fastest 1/2 mile I could do!

After class, I got a picture with Teresa because that is one of the pictures required for the Nike ID Challenge. We decided that we were going to pose in superhero poses, and our coach Bruce and the business manager Jonathan decided to join us.

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Wednesday’s class was tough because my body was just hurting so much. The weather here is making me feel more pain than usual, and I was hoping to not have to take more painkillers than I needed. I pushed through, but when I got home I ended up taking my painkillers on a schedule (which is something I try not to do too often because it means that I have 2 painkillers in my system at all times).

On Thursday, my body reacted to taking more painkillers than I had in a while and I got sick. I thought it might have been food poisoning at first, but I was having different symptoms. With food poisoning, I can’t keep food down. But I was eating toast and bananas and having no issues with them. So while I can’t be 100% sure that the painkillers caused the issue, they were the main variable in my day.

Friday, therefore, wasn’t so great for me. I was still feeling the effects of the day before so I tried cutting back on my painkillers again. And that lead me to feeling a lot of pain in the workout. It was so bad that the coach, Whitney, even noticed and kept checking in on me. It wasn’t my best workout (but probably not my worst either), but I just kept telling myself that even a crappy workout is better than no workout.

Saturday was my 4th workout of the week. I’ve only done with once before, and I felt it in my body then. Going into the workout I thought that maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad as the last 4th workout, but after about 15 minutes my body was feeling it.

I know that getting myself to the point where I can do 4 tough workouts in a week is something to work toward. My body is adjusting to 3 workouts in a week (although they are still tough workouts for me) and I’m noticing a difference in my heart rate in class. It’s tougher for me to make it into the orange zone than it used to be. And between workout blocks my heart rate drops down towards a normal rate so much quicker than it used to. These are great things and proof that I’m getting stronger and healthier. But it also means that I need to start pushing myself harder. This isn’t easy in the cardio portion of class because my hips limit what I can do on the treadmill. I can try using the bike or elliptical, but since I know I can do those, I’d rather push myself on something that I struggle with.

Overall, while these workouts weren’t record breakers for me, I’m proud of the work that I got done. I have another 4 workout week coming up this week, and I’m changing up the schedule of when I’m doing them a bit. I’m really nervous, but I’m going to try my best.