Another Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another)

I had my big dentist appointment this week. The big appointment is when I not only have a cleaning with the hygienist, but I also have to do x-rays and see the dentist as well. I hate these big appointments because I always think that something is going to be horribly wrong and I’ll be told that if I don’t fix something ASAP my teeth will fall out.

I know it seems crazy to think that, but so many of these appointments have ended in the past with me scheduling more appointments for major dental work. I’ve had more fillings, crowns, and shots than anybody would ever want in their life. And I know that there will eventually be more major dental work in my future because all the work that was done previously won’t last forever. Many things will need to be repaired or replaced one day. I’ve already had to have one crown cemented down again. And while that wasn’t that extreme of an appointment, it was still pretty painful for me.

The panic meds I’ve been taking for years have helped a bit. And even when I had my last cleaning and was dealing with Vyvanse plus my panic meds wasn’t too bad. But the combination of the double appointment plus the Vyvanse was not that great.

The night before the appointment, I couldn’t sleep. I have had tooth nightmares for several nights leading up to the appointment and knew that I would have another nightmare that night as well. I woke up exhausted and tried my best to time out my medications. I took my morning Vyvanse plus a painkiller (I figured that some pain relief couldn’t hurt). I’m lucky that my increased dosage of Vyvanse is split so I only had one dose prior to my dentist appointment. But I still had more panic than before.

Whenever I have these double appointments, I always try to schedule my cleaning first. That way, the hygienist can give me a heads up if something looks suspicious to her. She didn’t see anything so I moved on to the next chair for the x-rays.

X-rays aren’t painful, but they aren’t that fun for me either. I always look at the screen when the x-rays come up and try to see what they might show (I have no clue how to read dental x-rays so looking at them doesn’t do me any good). Once the dentist took a look at my x-rays, he gave me a clean bill of tooth health. Nothing is looking like a cavity (or pre-cavity), all my fillings look good and don’t need to be crowns yet, and all my crowns are secure and aren’t causing me any extra tooth sensitivity.

As soon as I was done paying, I got out of the office. I don’t like being there because I still have memories of bad appointments in the past. Even after I have a good appointment, I start thinking about the next one and get scared that in 4 months I will have something wrong.

I wish I could just outgrow this fear. I’m aware that it’s silly and I haven’t had a bad appointment in a while. But I don’t want to be comfortable either because I know that my panic makes me take better care of my teeth than many people do.

I’m just glad that I survived another dentist appointment and had nothing wrong. And I was able to schedule a couple of things to be right after the dentist appointment so I didn’t have to think about it too long after the appointment ended. I was too busy focusing on everything else (and all the good stuff) happening in my life.

Brunch and Shopping (or Helping A Friend Make Some Upgrades)

I had the best Sunday this past Sunday! I got to hang out with my friend Jane (who is in my Women In Film mentoring group) and help her do some awesome things!

We had originally made plans for brunch. We went to Flores and Sons in West LA (I’m a bad blogger and forgot to take pictures of the food). We were seated on the front patio which was perfect because we had a fan right next to us! Over brunch, we were catching up on things that we have been up to lately. I told her about the SAG-AFTRA election and stuff about my day jobs. And she was telling me about her new apartment.

Jane had just moved into a new place very recently and she was still trying to get settled in. She was lacking a lot of furniture that she wanted to get and was hoping to get a mattress in a Labor Day sale. I told her about Sofa Club (where I got my couch) and told her I’d be happy to take her there to see if she could get a good deal on a mattress.

After talking about that, Jane had mentioned that she needed to do some more upgrades in her life. Mainly with her wallet and purse. She had asked me where I had gotten mine (they are both by Lodis) and I mentioned how I had bought them both years ago and they aren’t made anymore. But I knew that there was a really awesome Nordstrom Rack near where we were and said that we should take the day to do some shopping for fun and her new apartment!

The first stop was Nordstrom Rack. Of course, as soon as we got to the purse section I found my dream purse that was on sale for $130 (from $395). As much as I wanted to get it, I don’t have the money for it right now and this shopping day was for Jane. We ended up finding her the perfect purse and wallet, plus a really cute set of outdoor lights for her new patio. I think that the purse upgrade was a big upgrade and she’s going to look super chic now when she’s out and about town.

Shopping

Next was an adventure to Sofa Club. I warned her that the outside of the building isn’t impressive but they have great stuff and amazing deals. We had to wait to be helped (we sat on one of their comfy couches while we waited) but the wait was totally worth it! She got a new mattress, box spring, and frame for much less than she was expecting to pay. And they gave her free next day delivery too!

After all that shopping, we needed a quick cool down snack (it was insanely hot out). And right by Sofa Club is Rita’s. I hadn’t been to a Rita’s since the tasting event and this location is super close to my house. I got the mint chocolate ice with vanilla custard and it was perfect!

Ritas

Finally to end our adventure, I got to see Jane’s new apartment. I was so inspired by her new place and we spent probably an hour or so rearranging the furniture she has now and planning what she should get to complete the place. I think that I’m going to go shopping again with her this weekend to help her set up some more stuff.

It was seriously such a great day. Obviously, it’s always fun shopping when it’s for someone else (and with someone else’s money). But it was more than that. Jane had said that she needed to upgrade her life a bit and I got to be a part of that! She’s such a fabulous person and she deserves to feel that way too!

Hopefully after our next shopping adventure, I will have some before and after pictures of her new place to share with you all!

Transitioning Back To Normal (or Going Slow)

This week of workouts was all about testing my limits with my injury. I knew that this week would mark when I could attempt going on the treadmill again, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to push it.

I spent Monday on the bike again. I’m not a huge fan of working out on the bike, but it’s not the worst thing. I struggled again with getting my heart rate up because when I’m bent forward holding on the handlebars my heart rate monitor isn’t flush against my chest. But I managed and did what I could (even if the screen wasn’t necessarily showing my accurate heart rate).

After my workout on Monday, I spend the day at Disneyland. I did wear a compression bandage, but I did a lot of walking that day. I was probably close to 4 miles of walking over the entire day, which is the most walking I’ve really done since the injury. I was having issues with pain from time to time, but it wasn’t unbearable. So I decided that I would test myself on the treadmill on Wednesday.

Fortunately, my new compression sleeves arrived before my Wednesday workout. I got a set of them (one for each leg), but I went to my workout just wearing one on my injured leg.

Compression Sleeve

Wednesday’s workout ended up being the perfect workout to test myself on. It was a partner workout and my treadmill segments were under 4 minutes each time. I felt great! I was going slow, but I was still going faster than I had when I started at Orangetheory. I slowly increased my speed, but I never got to what I was at pre-injury. I’m a little concerned since I have a 5K in about 2 months, but hopefully I can get myself up to my previous speed in that time.

Friday’s workout made me realize that I’m still limited in what I can do. I did try wearing the sleeves on both legs after a recommendation from one of my coaches, but I’m not sure if I like that yet or not (I’ll probably try it another time or two before I decide). But on Friday, all the treadmill blocks were one after another. So I had about 30 minutes straight on the treadmill.

I did ok with that. I had to decrease my speed compared to Wednesday halfway through the treadmill time because I was starting to hurt, but with doing that and taking some breaks I was able to finish the treadmill segment on the treadmill and not taking time on the bike.

Obviously, I’m not fully healed yet. I still have some pain when I’m walking regularly around my house or while doing errands. And on the treadmill I had a few scary moments with a quick intense pain but those went away quickly and I don’t feel any additional tears in my calf. I really want to get back to normal, but I need to learn to be patient with myself. It’s not easy when my focus for so long was to push myself, to go faster, and to get higher inclines.

My plan is to stay on the treadmill from now on unless there is a pain that is unbearable or really scares me. I know I need to work on my endurance and muscle strength and hopefully I can spend the next few months just focusing on getting myself to where I was last month and not where I thought I’d be.

Not Feeling Like I Belong (or Way Out Of My Comfort Zone)

A few weeks ago, one of the blogger groups I’m a part of offered tickets to a fitness event happening in Orange County. Since it wasn’t going to be that far of a drive for me (and the tickets would be free), I decided that I would check it out. There were a bunch of different fitness classes that I could sign up for, and I signed myself up for a bunch.

Then, I tore my calf muscle.

I knew that I was still going to check out the event, but going to the fitness classes really wasn’t a possibility for me. So I headed down to Orange County right after work on Saturday. I didn’t get off to the best start. The parking lot that was used was a Disneyland lot. I thought that since I have a parking pass on my annual pass that I would be able to park there for free (instead of paying $15). Sadly, that wasn’t the case. After giving the parking attendant my money, I realized that it was going to be a bit of a walk to get to the event. Normally, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but with the injury it was.

Once I got inside, I had some issues with checking in (there were 2 different names to the event and I was trying to check in at the stand for one name when I had to be at the other name). Finally, I got my wristband and headed inside.

Honestly, I hated it. There were a couple of stage areas where different demonstrations were happening, but besides those it was just booths where things were being sold. There were dozens of protein powders, drinks, recovery foods, gear, and other workout related things being sold. And while I would have loved to try some of them, it was so crowded at each booth that I didn’t stick around to wait in line (some lines were 40 people long, I counted).

The group that got me the tickets had arranged for us to have a room to use for meeting up, relaxing, and picking up our swag bags. Nobody was in there (I think only 2 people from the group were at the event that day) and the swag bag was just a juice drink. I know that I shouldn’t be looking for a big swag bag, but there was one email that mentioned getting a VIP swag bag. I don’t think a nylon drawstring bag with one juice inside is really a VIP swag bag.

Since there was nobody in our reserved room, I tried heading back out on the floor again. I just felt so awkward and out of place there. I’m sure that I’m paranoid, but I felt like everyone was staring at me and looking at me like I don’t belong. Most of the women there were super fit, wearing very little clothing, and had a spray tan. I’m just me.

After walking around for about an hour, I decided that it was time for me to go home. The crowds were overwhelming me and there really wasn’t anything for me to do there.

I don’t think that it is the fault of the event or the blogger group that I had a bad time there. I think that the blogger group wasn’t quite aware that it was mainly an expo and not more of an event. And the event might have been great if I could have gone to the classes and if I wanted to buy a bunch of stuff. I think I just went in with the wrong expectations and it wasn’t right for me.

I’m not sure if I would attend another fitness expo (or any expo really) in the future. They aren’t for me and I hate feeling like everyone there is trying to get me to try or buy things. I like to look at what is offered, but there’s always pressure from the people working the booths to sign up for something or purchase an item.

But I’m glad I went to get out of my comfort zone and see what it was all about. I do need to push myself from time to time and see what is right for me and what isn’t. And now that I’ve realized that this type of thing isn’t for me, I’m ok with that.

My Return To Disneyland (or Being Lazy And Enjoying Air Conditioning)

It’s been a long summer blackout for my annual pass at Disneyland, but I was finally able to return to the parks this week! I had this on my calendar since my last Disneyland day, so I’ve been looking forward to it for a while.

I went again with my friend June (who went with me for the last day before our blackout). June lives 2 blocks from my house, so it’s pretty convenient to go to the parks together. And since I have parking on my pass and she doesn’t, we like to carpool.

Just like our last day in the parks, it was another super hot day. We got there at about noon (I had my workout early in the morning) and we were off and running as soon as we parked. First on the list was to get our favorite treat: Dole Whips!

Dole Whip

Last time, we enjoyed our Dole Whips in the shade outside of the Enchanted Tiki Room, but since it was so ridiculously hot out we decided to go inside. I usually don’t go into the Enchanted Tiki Room, but the air conditioning was totally worth it!

Tiki Room

Next on our list was something we had both been waiting on for a while. The Peter Pan ride had a pretty big refurbishment and had opened over the summer when we were blacked out. So we wanted to go on and see how the refurbishment looked. I’ve seen several videos on what they worked on so I knew to look for particular things in the ride. Overall, it looks pretty cool. I’m not too happy with the scene where you are flying over London. To me, it looks too bright and not as three dimensional as it looked before.

Next on the list was another ride that we knew would have some air conditioning: Indiana Jones. This is definitely one of my favorite rides and it didn’t disappoint. There was a weird technical glitch where things weren’t syncing up properly with the ride vehicle (the boulder scene was delayed and the Indiana Jones animatronic at the end didn’t come alive until we were driving away), but I actually thought those technical issues were pretty cool. I go on the rides enough that when I get to see things not show perfect, I’m pretty exciting. It doesn’t top when I rode the Finding Nemo submarines and all the computer imagining failed, but this was a pretty fun glitch to watch.

After Indiana Jones, we were feeling pretty overheated and a little hungry so we rode the Monorail into Downtown Disney for a late lunch/early dinner. We went to Tortilla Jo’s because we both were craving ice-cold margaritas (mine was a virgin since I am still on painkillers for my torn calf).

Tortilla Joes Margaritas

I had a pretty amazing steak burrito for my meal. While there are some good food options inside the parks, I have to remember to go to Downtown Disney too because they have a lot of variety for meals.

After the food, drinks, and air conditioning, we were ready to go back on some more rides. Next on the list (after riding the Monorail back into Tomorrowland) was Space Mountain. We waited for the ride and just as it was our turn the ride broke down. There was no set time for when it would re-open, but we decided to wait it out a bit. Just as we were getting close to the time deadline we had set for our wait, the ride started back up. We got to ride in the front of the car and it felt so much faster than it ever has. I’m not sure if I just forgot how fast it feels or after it’s shut down for a while somehow the ride gets faster. But it was perfect!

Space Mountain

The last ride in Disneyland was Star Tours. That was a relatively uneventful ride. Except the guy sitting next to me was grabbing the outsides of the armrests so he was almost holding onto my leg instead of the seat and I wasn’t able to hold on on one side.

We headed over to California Adventure next where we had hoped to get some Fastpasses for World Of Color. Sadly, those had gone pretty quickly that day so there was no way for us to see the show. We were a little disappointed, but decided to just ride a few more rides before heading home. We rode Soarin’ (one of my favorite and the music from it is the ringtone on my phone). That ride will been changing the movie in the future so we want to get as many rides on it as we can.

Then it was time for another cool down break inside of Starbucks where I got a strawberry smoothie. After that, we were feeling pretty lazy and didn’t want to walk over to our next ride, Tower of Terror. Honestly, it isn’t that far away but we just didn’t want to walk it. And California Adventure has a little trolley that goes through a couple of parts of the park. So we waited longer than it would have taken us to walk to ride the trolley to what was going to be our final ride of the night.

Tower Of Terror

After Tower Of Terror, the trolley happened to be right in front so we hopped back on and rode it to the exit gate of the park. But before we left, I wanted to make one more quick stop.

I never get the buttons at Disneyland, but I wanted to get an “I’m Celebrating” button to celebrate my SAG-AFTRA convention delegate win!

Celebrating At Disneyland

And after that, both June and I were ready to go home. The drive home was pretty quick and we’ve already made plans to go in a month to see the Halloween decorations.

Overall, I think it was a pretty great day at Disneyland. We were much lazier than usual, but that’s one of the perks of being an annual pass holder. We felt no need to rush around all the rides and we took advantage of whatever air conditioning we could find. Hopefully when we return next month, it will be a bit cooler.

I can’t wait to see what the Halloween decorations will look like! I know that that Disneyland day will be another great memory!

Bulu Box (or Testing Out A Subscription Box)

I haven’t really been a part of the subscription boxes bandwagon yet. I did have my subscription to Gwynnie Bee, but that was a little bit different from what subscription boxes are like. So many of my friends do subscribe to these boxes, and they all seem to love it. But for me, the financial issue has always come up. I don’t want to pay $30 a month if I’m not gonna like everything that’s in the box.

But I was recently given the opportunity to test out Bulu Box. Bulu Box is a subscription service for health products. You can get things like vitamins, supplements, and other things to help you live a healthy life. Since I’m working on my health and fitness so hard, I really wanted to see what products were out there that could support me in my journey.

Bulu Box

What I love about Bulu Box is the price. I think this is the cheapest subscription box out there. It’s only $10 a month and you typically get between 4-5 sample products in each box. I think that most other subscription boxes are in the $30 range.

In my sample box, I got six different products (one of these products was a bonus product). I received a protein powder, a fueling formula, a fiber supplement, an anti-itch cream, a snack bar, and a toothbrush. Unfortunately for me, some of these products I knew I wasn’t going to use. I’m very particular with protein powders so I was a little cautious to try this one. It’s made with cricket protein, but I found it to be pretty yummy! I just am not sure if I will use it regularly since I don’t normally do protein drinks (I think it’s a mental block after doing the RFO diet for so long). And I wasn’t able to try the fueling formula because of some of the ingredients in it, but my other friends who have tried it have enjoyed it.

Samples

I did love the anti-itch cream. I used it on a recent sunburn and it did such a great job helping the itch and sting of a sunburn go away. I also tried it on a spider bite that I got the other day and felt that it did the trick for that as well. I think that I’m totally going to get that in the full size and have it in my medicine cabinet for future sunburns, bug bites, and scratches.

Even though some of these products in the sample box are for things that I’m not gonna be able to use, I did love the idea of what they included in the box. There was a great variety and if you aren’t as picky as me I’m sure that you’ll love all the products! And if there is a sample that you love, you can purchased them in the full-size on their online shop. If you’re a subscriber for Bulu Box, you have the opportunity take a survey about the samples in your box and get rewards points that can be used toward the full-size products. That is something that seems great to me.

And I was given a promo code to share with all of you! If you would like to try Bulu Box for yourself, I can get you 50% off a 3 month subscription. You just need to enter the promo code SWEATPINK to get your discount!

Have any of you tried Bulu Box or another subscription box service in the past that you’ve loved? I’d love to hear your stories since I’m a subscription box newbie!

The End Of The SAG-AFTRA Elections (or Being An Observer)

This past Thursday, the ballots for the SAG-AFTRA election were counted. The ballot count was at the SAG-AFTRA offices starting at 9am and originally we were told that we would hear results around 5 or 6pm.

As much as I would have liked to be there in the morning, I had to work. So as soon as work was done at 3pm, I headed to the offices to wait for the results to be announced.

At first, I just waited outside the counting room. I knew I couldn’t use my phone inside the room and I was helping to update a lot of people who couldn’t be at the count. But some of my fellow candidates encouraged me to go inside, so I did.

I have to say, watching the counting was pretty cool. The main counting was done so I never got to watch the counting machines in action. But what I did get to observe was the counters hand counting questionable ballots. Those questionable ones were ones where people might have over voted (or over voted and then crossed some things out) or where the bubbles weren’t filled in in a method that the counting machines could recognize. It was pretty cool seeing these people analyzing what the intention of the voter was. It’s impressive to see how seriously they take their jobs and I feel very comfortable with the integrity of the count. If you ever have the opportunity to do something similar for a ballot count, I highly recommend it.

6pm came and they were saying we were still hours away from the results. So my slate went next door to Marie Callendars to eat and wait (too bad I already used my birthday coupon!). Ken Howard, who was running for National President, was going to get a phone call when the national results were in (we knew those would be first). Every time his phone rang, everyone got quiet and waited to see if it was “the call”. Finally, it was and Ken got the happy news that he was re-elected as president! But then we had a twist: his running mate for Secretary/Treasurer was not elected but instead the candidate from the other slate one that position. Everyone in the room was celebrating when we heard that Ken won, but then went into shock when we heard that Jenny O’Hara lost. I was really hoping for Jenny to win. I had gotten to know her really well while campaigning and I felt like she would be so amazing in that position. But now I must have faith in our new Secretary/Treasurer Jane Austin.

After Ken’s win, we heard that it might be another hour or two for the rest of the results. Many people decided to go home, but I figured I might as well stick it out as long as I could.

Since the restaurant closed, we all went back to the offices and hung out in the counting room. We kept watching for signs that the count was done. We had been told that if we were still in the room when it was done, they would let us go in and meet with the election committee one by one in private and they would tell us our results. If we weren’t there, we would get an email (actually, we’d get an email either way but finding out in person was going to be first).

I knew I couldn’t sleep until I knew so I waited it out. And finally around 11:30pm we were told to line up. There were a couple of people in front of me and some of them didn’t get elected for everything they ran for. I was so incredibly nervous and when it was my turn the nerves were even worse.

The room that we had to go into for the results felt like a judging. It was as conference room with about 10 people and you had your name and what you were running for announced so they could all check their information. It felt like forever before they could find my name. And when they did, I got the happy news that I won my convention delegate seat!

I went outside and waited for everyone else from my slate to get their results. There were some surprises on some losses, but in the end my slate has maintained the majority that we had before. And I think that maybe having the national positions split will help bring the two slates closer together and the next election won’t be as nasty.

I went to bed as soon as I got home and had this email waiting for me when I woke up in the morning.

SAG-AFTRA win

It all feels real now! And I’m getting emails about joining committees and other things. I’m seriously so excited! While I haven’t been treating my career as a hobby, I think that maybe I have been treating my union membership as one. I’m so excited to be more involved from now on with the union and hopefully make a difference in our working conditions, pay, and other issues that I and all SAG-AFTRA actors deal with.

Thank you to all of you who voted for me! I’m so excited to serve you as a convention delegate for the next two years! And who knows, maybe in 2 years I’ll be running for a board position too!

Learning How To Maximize My Injury (or Feeling More Normal)

It’s been another interesting week of workouts. I’ve had some setbacks with my injury, but it has been getting better. I’m still using compression bandages most of the time (yesterday was my first day trying to get around without a bandage and it was pretty painful) and I’ve ordered a couple of different compression sleeves to wear for my workouts soon. The bandages get loose during the workout and I’m finding that I’m having to adjust them a lot. So hopefully the compression sleeves will help.

Since I’m still recovering (and will likely still be recovering for another week or so), I’ve been working really hard at getting better at the bike at Orangetheory. It’s very different from using the treadmill and I still find that I’m not getting quite as good of a workout on it. Part of the reason it isn’t as good of a workout is the pain from the injury, but I also know that I’m scared to push myself because I don’t know what my limits are on it yet like I do on the treadmill.

I’ve had to be ok with not meeting my splat points goals during the workouts. It’s very tough for me to get my heart rate up high enough on the bike. But on Wednesday I tried really hard to increase the resistance and to sit up on the bike instead of using the handlebars. And that effort really did pay off.

Workout Summary

It wasn’t easy getting my heart rate up, but I proved that I could do it. So while I know that this might not happen for every workout on the bike, I know that it is possible and that I can try my hardest to get to that point.

I also had a pretty great bike day on Friday. We didn’t switch between the blocks the entire workout (only once to switch from cardio to strength) so I was on the bike for a long time without a break. I did take little breaks on my own to drink water or to adjust my compression bandage, but I did ride for 25 minutes (the timer on the bike stops when I stopped pedaling so there really was 25 minutes of riding).

PR Bike

I was also pretty proud that I passed 10 miles on that cardio block. I had it in my head that it would be amazing if I got to 10 miles. So getting that extra .1 was a nice surprise.

Besides making strides with my cardio on the bike, I’m also getting better at rowing. I’m still not totally able to do a full row, but I’m getting closer and closer and I think that once I’m wearing compression sleeves and not the bandage that I should be able to (I feel so much pressure when my leg is bent and I think the pressure is the bandage and not the injury). We had a lot of rowing this past week, and while my wattage and distance isn’t close to what it used to be, it’s much better than last week.

And while cardio and rowing aren’t the best with the injury, it’s not really hurting my strength workout. Some things I can’t quite do, like lunges, but pretty much everything else is stuff that doesn’t bother me. I’m focusing on my form right now and not increasing the weights (I figured that’s probably the best right now) and I am totally feeling the difference! Even with the same weights (or sometimes even lower weights) that I was using before, I’m feeling the burn in my arms and legs during the workout more. And some of the weird aches that I had post-workout in my back and shoulders aren’t there anymore so I think the form improvement is a good thing.

This week I should be getting my compression sleeves in time for 1 or 2 of my workouts. So I should be able to see if those make enough of a difference to feel more normal. And Wednesday marks 2 weeks since the injury and I may try seeing how the treadmill feels. I’m a little nervous to test the treadmill since when I did it at the first workout post-injury it was horrible. But obviously that was way too soon to test out my calf. Maybe with over a week of treadmill rest it will feel different.

I know I said this before when I’ve had other pains or when I was sick, but in a weird way I’m glad I had this injury. I’m proving to myself that I’m not using it as an excuse to be lazy and not try. I’m just finding new workarounds for things and continuing to try to kick butt as much as possible.

Another LA Anniversary (or What Will Year 15 Bring?)

14 years ago, I moved to LA. My first LA home was my dorm room at Loyola Marymount. My parents and best friend drove down with me (my parents in one car and my best friend and I in the other). We carpooled for the 6 hour drive down and used walkie talkies to stay in communication (although I still wonder why we didn’t just use our cell phones). I remember that as soon as they drove away, they called me to make sure that I wasn’t crying because they left. But I was just too excited about the adventure that was ahead of me.

My college years weren’t the best, but I made them the best that I could. And that meant doing as much away from school as possible to experience all that I could in LA and work hard at my acting career from the moment I got here. I was lucky enough to have a car here from day 1, so I was always driving around and exploring the amazing city that I was living in.

My first 3.5 years in LA were college years. And after college I knew that I would stay here. LA felt like home from the day I moved here and it has never stopped feeling like that. Even when I went home for winter break my freshman year of college, my parents’ house didn’t feel like home anymore. Every place I’ve lived in LA has felt more and more like home to me. And the house I live in now is somewhere that I see myself living until I one day buy a place. I’ve always dreamed of living in an old studio bungalow (I love the idea of the history behind one of those bungalows) and that’s exactly where I live now.

I’ve managed to build a wonderful life for me here in LA. Yes, I wish that I was making more money and my acting career was fully supporting me. But I look at the riches of my life in other ways. I have great friends, a support system that I can count on at any time, and get to live my dream every day.

There have been some hardships too in those 14 years. Like I’ve mentioned, college wasn’t the best time for me. But I managed to get through it the best way I could. Some of the friendships I’ve lost have been very tough on me. Dealing with my mom’s cancer while I’m not near her wasn’t easy on me. And there have been times that my loneliness was horrible and all I wanted was to find a place to express myself without fear (which is what this blog has become for me).

I don’t take advantage of living is such an amazing city as often as I should. I’m so close to the beach and I haven’t really been at all this summer! I haven’t gone into the hills or to any amazing scenic viewpoints lately. And I haven’t been to any concerts at the Bowl this summer (I’m hoping to still make it to one eventually). But it’s nice to know that I have all those things here for me when I have the time and money to do it.

In my 14 years in LA I’ve gone to college, performed with improv troupes, studied with multiple acting coaches, held a couple of “real” jobs, held dozens (if not hundreds) of day jobs, made lots of friends, lost a couple of friends, attended red carpet events, had lots of acting jobs, gone to Disneyland more than I could have dreamed of, and had so many other amazing adventures! I’m not sure I could have asked for more in my life.

Now I’m wondering what year 15 will be for me. I’m in a very different place in my life than I was in the past and feel like this is going to be a wonderful year for me. I have such a positive mindset on where I am in my life and I no longer have fears about where I am not. I feel like that really is going to help make this year the best year I’ve had so far!

Soon, I’ll be coming up to where I will have live in LA for a majority of my life. It’s so crazy to think that my entire adult life has been spent in a city that I spent my entire childhood dreaming about.

LA Life

A New Alarm Clock (or Letting Go Of A Little OCD)

I’ve blogged about my alarm clock before. I know that some of you must think that I’m crazy, but that alarm clock meant so much to me.

That alarm clock was a gift for my high school graduation from one of my dad’s coworkers. That means that I got it over 14 years ago (I’m shocked it lasted so long). When I was in high school, I was horrible getting up in the morning for school. I would have multiple alarm clock is going off, and I would still sleep through them. My mom or dad would always have to come and get me up for the day. When I graduated high school, I was worried about how I would get up for class every morning. And that alarm clock saved my butt.

I never unintentionally overslept for a class the entire time I was in college (sorry Mom and Dad that there was a class or two that I intentionally slept through). That alarm clock was so annoying that I had to get up every morning just to turn it off. I continue to use that alarm clock after college. With the exception of one time, I never missed a morning.

This alarm clock has been dying on me the past couple of years. I’ve managed to revive it multiple times, and every time I get it back I’m glad that I don’t have to look for a new alarm clock. For some reason in my head, I feel like no other alarm clock will be good enough for me.

But the other day, the alarm clock died. There was no saving it. It’s totally dead. I think that the speaker inside the alarm clock died. That’s not something that can be fixed by changing the batteries, and I’m sure however much it would be to fix is too much money. This alarm clock was made by Sharper Image, and it’s not for sale anywhere anymore. I even checked eBay with no luck. I did find a friend who has the exact same alarm clock at her parents’ home and promised to sell it to me the next time she traveled home and got it.

Since I can’t wait for forever for a new alarm clock, I finally had to suck it up and get a new one. I managed to find one with similar features on Amazon, and it was shipped to my house the other day.

New Alarm Clock

I also use my phone and my Fitbit as alarm clocks, so I wasn’t just relying on the new untested alarm clock. But this new alarm clock works just fine. I woke up in the morning without oversleeping, and I was able to start my day just like I was with the old alarm clock.

So why am I writing about this?

Because I think my fear of getting a new alarm clock has a lot to do with other things in my life. Maybe it’s related to my panic anxiety disorder or maybe it’s part of my OCD. I know that I did have OCD related to the alarm clock. I had to test it every night by pressing the snooze button (which would make a noise) and I needed it to sound “perfect” twice in a row before I could go to bed. I’m aware how that is obviously OCD, but since it wasn’t really harming anyone I never felt like I needed treatment for it.

But whatever issue was holding me back from getting a new alarm clock is gone now that I have a new one in my home. I was forced into this change and it was a good thing for me. I feel a sense of relief now that I’m not scared about my old alarm clock dying anymore. It’s very strange sensation.

The new alarm clock is still relatively new in my life, so I don’t know how this relief will relate to other things in my life. I do feel a sense of calm and lack of anxiety that I didn’t have before.

It’s strange how something as basic as an alarm clock can cause so much fear in so many parts of your life. I’m hoping that this letting go can be a new trend my life and perhaps lead me to other positive things.