Yesterday, I had my regular appointment with my therapist. Like my appointments often are, it was another virtual appointment. I’m always grateful that I can have my appointments over the phone or video chat because it saves me the drive (and the cost for parking). And nowadays, it’s pretty much a requirement to have virtual appointments to be safe. I have other doctor appointments that I need to do soon that cannot be virtual, so having one where I feel safe at home is really nice.
The main point of these appointments is to confirm my medication is ok and to make sure I’m doing alright. At my last appointment, we added a new medication but I stopped taking that already. It was something I started right when the pandemic started and my anxiety was getting really bad. I even started to notice some of my OCD tendencies were coming back. I don’t know if the medication was the only reason why I had those, but it was a variable that I could easily take out. My OCD seems to have gone back to where it was before, but my anxiety is still higher than normal. But in these times, I think being a little extra anxious is normal.
And after I confirmed with my therapist that my medication is still a good dosage and that I’m doing ok, I did mention that I’m a little anxious but I also understand that it’s normal. There was a post I’ve seen on social media a few times that says something like “I feel like I hallucinated the pandemic. I’m staying home, scared of getting sick, and taking precautions. And other people are just out there living their lives like normal.” And that’s really how I feel. Combining that idea and the idea that I’m alone on my own little planet with nobody around me is the best way to explain what isolation has felt like for me. I know that I’m doing the right thing and making small sacrifices will pay off in the long run, but it’s not easy when I’m in the middle of it.
But just like before, my therapist completely understood how I am feeling and reassured me that this is normal. I know that there are options for medications that I could take to make these feelings go away, but I’m really not feeling like trying medications right now. The last medication was stopped because I couldn’t be sure what was causing the side effects. I feel like trying something new would do the same. Maybe I would feel better, but I also won’t know when I could come off the medication because the world isn’t making me anxious and not the medication. I know right now I can work through these feelings. If anything changes, I can reach out and get help. But for now, I know that I’m not to the point where I need more help to be ok. I have been in that place before and am able to recognize if I get there again.
Just like so many of my recent appointments with my therapist, this was an easy one and it confirmed that I’m doing the right things for myself right now. I know that my eating disorder is a bit harder to deal with right now and I’m really working hard at that, but I also am going a bit easy on myself because I am going through something that none of us have ever experienced in our lifetimes. I can’t expect to have normal reactions in an abnormal situation.
I hope that by the time I have my next appointment, things will be starting to get better in the world. I will still be grateful to have a virtual appointment, but I would love it if I could feel like I have a bit more control and power over what I can do each day. I want to get back to the routine that I had been working on and helped to keep me on track. I have no clue if that will be possible by my next appointment. I keep hoping that something will change in this country so we can get the pandemic more under control and that will be a huge step forward. But for now, I just have to keep doing what I know will be keeping me safe, and working through the feelings being isolated brings up.
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An Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)
Another Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress)
A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)
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Some More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication)
Moving Forward With Therapy (or Educating Myself)
