Right now, it feels like there is very little that I can control. And the few things I can control aren’t the healthiest things (like how much/little I eat or sleep). And with so much that is out of my control, I almost want to have more control just to feel like it’s not as crazy. And when I can’t do that or if things don’t go the way I hope, it can be really tough to tolerate since I have so little happening in my life.
A good example is getting my groceries delivered. I very rarely go to the grocery store myself. I try to limit it to going to Trader Joe’s once a month or so because there are some things I can only get there. Most of the things I need I can get from another grocery store that delivers to me. I might have to make some changes to that because the grocery store I’ve been using fired all their union drivers to use non-union drivers, but that’s a separate issue (although maybe firing all the old drivers is what caused this issue).
The grocery delivery I have been using gives you different options when you select what time you want it delivered. There are 1 -hour, 2-hour, and 4-hour windows. The 1-hour ones are the most expensive and the 4-hour ones are the cheapest (none are free). I will usually pick a 4-hour window unless there are no other times coming up in the next day or two. And that’s something I encountered over the weekend when I tried to get some groceries delivered. The only option was a 1-hour window, so I paid for that and figured I’d have my groceries soon.
But they never arrived. I still don’t know what happened, but they “forgot” to have someone pick up my order to deliver it to me. And since the day ended, they canceled my order. I was fine and didn’t need the groceries at that moment, but it was still frustrating because I was hoping to make something for dinner that night that I couldn’t. And I was looking forward to knowing I was done with my grocery shopping for the week. Since my order was canceled, I placed another one for another day and was able to get a 4-hour delivery window.
Then that delivery never arrived on time. It did finally arrive about 5 hours late, and I guess late is better than never. But my frustration just kept building. I know that this is a service that there are human errors and delays that can happen, but it was one of the only things in my control and even that was no longer that way. I know it’s not a big deal, but it just felt that way to me. And I had to remember to not let this be a bigger thing than it really is.
I know staying calm these days is so important. Stress isn’t good for us at any time, but right now I know it can be even worse because our baseline stress levels are so much higher than normal. And I can feel in my body when I’m too stressed. My autoimmune conditions tend to get really bad, and I’m in the middle of a really bad flareup that I know is likely due to stress. Staying calm won’t necessarily resolve and fix everything, but staying stressed isn’t going to allow it to get any better.
I’ve let lots of little things get to me in the past 10 months that I’ve been isolating at home. Some of my go-to stress relief things aren’t an option for me right now, so even my normal stress has to be taken care of in different ways. And sometimes, I can handle things just fine. But to have a little freakout at home is probably to be expected. All of us are dealing with so much and if we were handling it fine, that would almost be a sign that something is wrong because this isn’t normal and fine.
Fortunately, I didn’t get upset or frustrated with anyone else like the customer service reps for my groceries. I kept it to myself and managed it on my own. And I was able to get over it pretty quickly and move on. I know it’s ok to be frustrated and stress and recognizing that and allowing myself moments to feel that way helps. And then I can move on with my day and hopefully try to stay calm and relaxed when dealing with other things in my life.
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