Monthly Archives: February 2021

More Pandemic Dating Stories (or I Can’t Wait Until I Have More Normal Dating Problems)

Posted on February 12, 2021 | Comments Off on More Pandemic Dating Stories (or I Can’t Wait Until I Have More Normal Dating Problems)

Almost a year into the pandemic and I’m still trying to figure out how to date during this time. I know I don’t have to date right now, and I’m not doing much. But I also don’t want to stop completely because I know there is always a chance of meeting someone awesome. And that is something that happened to me over the summer. Talking to someone every day for a few months built a really strong bond between us. But there was just no romantic chemistry so we are going to be friends. But that’s still something good to come out of dating right now.

But there are so many negatives about dating right now. It’s not easy for sure. I miss the days where I would match with someone and be able to easily go to a bar or coffee shop to meet up in person to see if we click. I’ve always known that in-person chemistry is different from texting chemistry, but it’s so much more obvious now. I hate the idea of wasting weeks on texting with someone only to find out that we don’t click at all when we are face to face. But that’s what really has to happen right now to be safe.

Not every person feels the same safety concerns as I do. I’m still shocked how many guys I will be messaging with who either say they don’t believe in COVID or they aren’t scared of it. That makes me so much more fearful about who they are and I know I can’t take the risk of meeting them. I understand they aren’t scared, but that also probably means they aren’t isolating that much so I have to worry about every other person they have met up with. And maybe they have been dating women who don’t care either. I have never expected something exclusive with someone right away because that’s not how I date. But these days, you almost have to be exclusive when you meet for safety reasons.

I’ve had so many guys be frustrated with me because I wasn’t willing to meet up with them right away. It used to hurt to see what they wrote to me, but now I’m just happy to unmatch with them. If that is how they feel, there is no way that they were the right person for me. If we weren’t in a pandemic and we met up, we still would have had something that didn’t match up well. So I’m just saving that time. I won’t deny that it’s annoying because it is. But I also don’t feel like I’m missing out on someone when they say it.

The other odd thing about dating right now is that most dating apps have allowed anyone to set their location to be anywhere in the world. Normally, that’s something that only paying members on apps can do (if they can do it at all). But now, you can put that you are in another city/state/country and match with people there. I still have my own location settings set to be that I’m in LA and that I only want matches that are within a certain distance from me. But that still allows people who might be in France but claiming to be in LA to be in my matches. I understand that some people are just looking for pen pals or open to a long-distance relationship. But for me, I’m not on the apps for something like that. I am still trying to find my person and I don’t want them to be someone that I have no way of doing a social distant meet up with.

I still have my random silly or weird stories (like people who “forget” to mention they are married), but I haven’t had nearly as many stories as I did before. I feel like I’m matching with about the same number of people as I used to, but I’m not really getting anywhere with those matches. I’ve only met a few of them in person for socially distant dates and none of them have turned into anything more than that first date. Maybe I’ll meet someone who matches my concerns about the pandemic along with everything else and I’ll actually date them. Or maybe I won’t be able to really date until things are safe again. I don’t know which one it will be, but I know it will be one of the two. And I can’t wait until my stories are about the problems I had in the past. Those problems were annoying and bad, but at least I wasn’t worried about my health the way I am now.

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Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things) Default ThumbnailDating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal) Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups) Default ThumbnailA Weird Dating Milestone (or At Least I Know I’m Trying) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting)

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Always Cleaning (or At Least The Pandemic Helped Create This Habit)

Posted on February 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Always Cleaning (or At Least The Pandemic Helped Create This Habit)

I don’t think I’ve ever really had a messy house, but I also know it hasn’t been as clean as it could be. In my old apartment that I shared with a series of roommates, I feel like I was a bit messier. Even though I had less space that was just mine, I wasn’t as concerned about keeping it clean. I would let magazines pile up as I needed to read them. Or not clean out my bathroom cabinet for expired products. And I remember moving into my house and saying I would never let it get that messy.

Of course, I didn’t become a neat freak just because I moved. I was cleaner than I was in my apartment, but I never really had a great cleaning routine down. I have tried so many times to have a regular cleaning schedule, and it just didn’t happen for me. I had a monthly challenge a few years ago to spend a little bit of time every day doing a speed clean, and that worked. And I’ve managed to keep that habit up ever since then.

But while I was bored and out of work last year, I got into cleaning a lot more. I looked into what products might be best to use and what tools I needed to have to make cleaning easier on me (like using microfiber cloths instead of paper towels and having a little scrapper tool for any sticky residue). I even got a cleaning caddy to keep my supplies together in one space. It wasn’t the cleaning schedule I wanted to create for myself, but it was working for me.

And I was worried once I started working again that I would let the cleaning routine stop again. I know I’m not working full time and I do have a lot of downtime in my day, but having something scheduled still makes me feel rushed in my day where I don’t have the same amount of time to do things even if I have the time. But with so many things since I started working, it turns out that easing into my new work schedule really helped me keep things going. I haven’t really slacked off much with my cleaning, and I’ve actually gotten a bit more planned out with when I can do certain things. I know that doing a big cleaning job is probably going to be the main task for the day (like when I scrubbed the grout in my bathroom tiles). And on other days, I can fit in all the surface cleaning plus vacuuming.

I’ve been unemployed other times in my life and I’ve never picked up a cleaning habit as I have now. I think part of it has to do with being a bit fearful of germs and trying to stay healthy. I never was the person who cleaned every item that I brought into my house, but I’m much more mindful of what surfaces I’m touching every day and what has been cleaned and what still needs to be cleaned.  I’m hyperaware of keeping things as safe as I can, and cleaning is one of the few things I can do and have control of.

I don’t know if I’ll ever say in the future that I’m grateful for the pandemic for a lot of things. While I have learned a lot about myself during this time of isolation, I don’t know if that outweighs the negatives of this time. But I will be grateful for a few things that I have changed about my life during this time. The first is cooking more often. And now having a cleaning routine. Two things that I wanted to do for a long time but never seemed to be able to stay consistent. But I guess the pandemic forced me to make these changes and I can only hope that they will stick with me even when things are safer again and I have a full and busy life.

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Default ThumbnailSpring Cleaning (or Feeling Pampered) Default ThumbnailA Big Cleaning Week (or An Excuse to Organize) Default ThumbnailSpring Cleaning (or Needing To Declutter Again) Default ThumbnailFall Cleaning (or Making My Workplace Spotless) Default ThumbnailFeeling Like A Fresh Start (or Spring Cleaning and New Toys) Default ThumbnailCleaning Up And Giving Things Away (or Finding More Space In My House)

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Pushing Through Feeling Off (or Hopefully This Doesn’t Last For 3 Months)

Posted on February 10, 2021 | Comments Off on Pushing Through Feeling Off (or Hopefully This Doesn’t Last For 3 Months)

When I started taking the new medication my dermatologist wanted me on, I knew that I was going to have some side effects from it. I’ve taken that medication a few times before and it’s always made me feel a little queasy. It’s a mix of nausea and hunger. I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like my stomach is empty but also that if I try to eat anything that I’d be sick.

Every time I took the medication before, it was for a short time. Usually for a week or maybe 2 weeks. And when I took it, I felt sick for those weeks but it stopped as soon as I stopped taking it. So when I heard that I should try taking it for 3 months, I was a bit worried. I knew that I was going to feel sick, but I was trying to convince myself that my body would get used to it and it wouldn’t last the entire time.

I’m not quite at 2 weeks on the medication yet. And this past week I’ve been dealing with my regular nausea. So I can’t really judge how things are going. And I’m still hopeful that somehow my body will adjust to the medication and everything will be fine soon. But for the past 2 weeks, it’s been hard to feel ok. I’ve just been feeling off and a bit miserable. And I’m just trying to push through this time and get to a point where I hopefully will feel ok.

I guess in some sense, I’m lucky because I have been on this medication before and was prepared for the side effects. And I have been dealing with nausea for a long time so I have good things I can do for that. But no matter how much preparation I’ve done, it always seems to knock me down when I have really bad nausea.

It is nice that I have nothing to do and nothing to go to when I feel sick like this. I can spend my day (at least the part of the day that I’m not working) in bed or on the couch and trying to feel better. But I also wonder if having something to do would be a nice distraction from how I feel. I know I miss having things happening in my life, so it would be a good distraction from my boredom too. But maybe it would be a distraction from how I feel. Of course, I say that now and I can almost guarantee that if I was feeling this way and my life was super busy that I’d be wishing I had nothing to do so I could stay home and rest.

I still have about 10 weeks before my next appointment with my dermatologist and we discuss if I’m going to stay on the medication or not. I know that I can make it that long even if I don’t get over these side effects. But I’m going to try to keep my mindset positive and that at some point I will stop feeling sick. I know that it’s possible to have that happen so it’s not too out there of an idea. And if that happens, I think I’ll feel much better about what will happen at my next dermatologist appointment. I don’t want to worry about having to stay on this medication if it happens to help (it’s too early to tell that just yet).

But until things turn around for me, I just need to keep practicing self-care, being gentle with myself and hoping for the best.

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Default ThumbnailFeeling Sick Just Isn’t Fun (or I Was Already Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailAlmost Giving It A Full Try (or Ending Things Early) Default ThumbnailGuess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues) Default ThumbnailCelebrating A Friend’s Birthday (or Not Letting Feeling Gross Stop Me From Being Social) Default ThumbnailAnother Week Of Pushing Through (or Feeling Strong Before Feeling Sick)

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Reading About A Secret Life (or Time For Another Giveaway!)

Posted on February 9, 2021 | 2 comments

I’ve shared several times on here that I’m a big reader and huge book nerd. I love to read so much. I love being able to escape into another world or to learn more about something I don’t know much about. I do read a lot of fiction that tends to be more “chick-lit” style, but I try to keep my reading a bit varied. But I love all books.

And I love books even more when I know the person who wrote them! This hasn’t happened too often, but whenever it does it makes the book even better. And I recently had a chance to read an amazing book written by someone I have gotten to know recently!

I mentioned being on Brianne Davis-Gantt’s podcast in the past. I really enjoyed being on her podcast and I have loved listening to all of her episodes and learning more about her story. She has been so incredibly brave in sharing her sex and love addiction. I personally didn’t know much about this addiction before, but after hearing Brianne share her story, I understand it so much more now.

And I feel like sex and love addiction is likely the closest addiction to food addiction/binge eating disorders. For so many addictions, it’s easy to avoid things for the rest of your life. You don’t have to drink, do drugs, or gamble in order to get through life. I cannot avoid food for the rest of my life. And sex and love addicts have to confront their addiction if they do not want to live isolated and alone for the rest of their lives. The battle to overcome an addiction while facing it every day is something that not a lot of people understand. And even though it’s not quite the same as my issues, hearing Brianne’s story has helped me feel less alone.

So when I heard that Brianne was writing a book about a character overcoming a sex and love addiction, I knew I’d want to read it as soon as it came out! And I was lucky enough to be given an advanced copy of her book “Secrets of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict” recently!

Brianne based this book on some of her experiences with her addiction and created a beautifully honest story. The main character, Roxanne, is flawed just like we all are. The character sees the flaws in herself and works on finding herself and who she wants to be. It’s not a self-help book, but it does feel like a mix of chick-lit that I normally read and some self-help. There are so many moments in the book that I felt inspired in my own journey with overcoming my eating disorder and felt hopeful that I will have similar breakthroughs in the future.

I already know that I’ll be reading this book again because it was a great read. While I did get lost in the story as I love to with books, I also was learning a lot and taking in so much information that I know I needed to hear. And I know there are more lessons in the book that I didn’t fully take in with the first read. And it seems like all the review’s Brianne has gotten so far have all said very similar things! Whether you are struggling with addiction and don’t want to feel as alone or want to understand what those dealing with addiction go through, this is an incredible book that everyone should read.

And I’m so excited that I was given the chance to give away a signed copy of “Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict”! You have multiple ways you can enter. You can comment on this post, you can follow different accounts on Instagram, and you can tweet about the giveaway! This giveaway is open to everyone 18 and older who lives in the US. I’ll be selecting a winner randomly on the 16th!

So make sure you enter and tell your friends to enter too! I can’t wait to hear what you all think about this awesome book! And good luck everyone in the giveaway!

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Default Thumbnail“Life…In A Word” (or A Wonderful Holiday Giveaway) Default Thumbnail“Beyond The Wisdom Of Walt” (or Another Amazing Giveaway!) Default ThumbnailRevisiting Old Characters and Stories (Or A Journey Of Re-Reading Books) Default ThumbnailScared Speechless (or A Book Giveaway!) Default ThumbnailSo Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library) Default ThumbnailLearning About “Breaking Vegan” (or An Amazing Book Giveaway!)

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Going Back To Some Basics (or A Double Nausea Workout Week)

Posted on February 8, 2021 | Comments Off on Going Back To Some Basics (or A Double Nausea Workout Week)

As I was writing my last workout recap post, I realized in the middle of it that I could add old Orangetheory at Home workouts to my YouTube playlist. I still can’t believe I didn’t think about that until I wrote my blog post, but I’m glad I remembered it at some point so I could do it. And I added a ton of OTF workouts to my list, but I limited it to the special ones. So I added the Dri-Tri, Hell Week, and all the Hometown ones where it features different coaches around the country. I guess at some point I could almost use the workouts that were exactly a year ago because we are coming up on 1 year of home workouts. But I’m still trying to keep some variety in there.

And for this past week of workouts, I only did the OTF workouts. And that was for 2 reasons. First, they do bring me a small sense of familiarity and comfort because they are what I am used to. I know the format and what the different exercises are called. And even though the 4 workouts I did this past week all happened to be ones that I didn’t do before (but that was just how it happened and not something I tried to do), they still felt like what I’m used to. But also, I did it that way because I was feeling really awful and didn’t want to associate any other workouts with a feeling I’m used to pushing through doing OTF workouts.

I had my usual monthly nausea this past week (and will be still dealing with it this week). I’m used to that and while it’s tough, I know I can get through it. But I had a double dose of nausea because the new medication I’m taking causes nausea too. I’m trying to be careful with how and when I take it to limit nausea, but I think it might take a few weeks before my body gets used to it. So I just had to push through like I do when my regular nausea is extremely bad. I had some really hard days where I didn’t know if I’d make it through the workout without throwing up. But I took it easy when I could and didn’t do exercises that I knew would make me feel worse.

It wasn’t that great of a workout week as far as what I was able to accomplish. But I always try to remind myself during these bad weeks that it’s better to do something instead of nothing. I also try to remember that sometimes it’s more about just keeping my routine up and having a regular schedule and not as much about pushing forward. I still want to improve in my workouts, but between pandemic fatigue and nausea, I knew this past week wasn’t the week to attempt to do that.

I know that this week will still be a bit tough, but at least my regular nausea should be getting better during the week. And maybe the medication won’t affect me as much soon. That one is a little less clear since I haven’t taken this medication at this dosage before. I know when I’ve been on a lower dose and I’m on it for 1-2 weeks, I’m feeling sick the entire time. But who knows what will happen for me this time. I’m just going to keep going and if I’m feeling up to it, I might try another workout besides one of the old OTF ones. But even if I only do the OTF ones, I know I’ll be getting a good workout in and I’ll be happy.

I know I’ve said this so many times in the past 11 months, but I can’t wait until I can be back to the workouts I’m used to. Whether that means in the studio or the outdoor ones. As soon as I’m fully vaccinated, I’m planning on going back. I have no clue when I’ll be vaccinated, but I know that every day that passes is also a day closer to whenever it happens. Maybe I’ll be lucky and I’ll get one of those surprise vaccines like some of my friends have been lucky enough to get. But I know I’ll be vaccinated eventually. I just keep hoping it will be soon so I can get at least one part of my life back.

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A Night Of Learning (or Watching A Lecture Online)

Posted on February 5, 2021 | Comments Off on A Night Of Learning (or Watching A Lecture Online)

I think for some people when they retire, they tend to spend a lot of time relaxing and enjoying free time with nothing on their schedule. I never really thought my parents would be that way when they retired, and they have proven me right in the years since my dad stopped working. I feel like my parents have never been busier! Right now, things aren’t as busy for my parents as they used to be, but they are still always doing something.

One of the things that my parents do is attend the San Jose Speaker Series. They’ve been doing this for a little while now and they always get to see the most amazing people. Before the pandemic, the Speaker Series was done at a theater. And for a little while, they took a break with the hopes that soon they would be able to restart. But since the pandemic has continued, the speaker series has gone online and is doing as a Zoom presentation. My parents still are watching each one and they always have the best stories after watching a speaker.

They had one with W. Kamau Bell this week, and they ended up having an extra ticket for it. And since this is done over Zoom and anyone in the world can watch, my parents asked me if I wanted the extra ticket! I said yes right away! I’ve heard W. Kamau Bell be interviewed on different podcasts and I’ve always been impressed by what he’s said. And I knew that what he discusses is very similar to the different anti-racism books and research I’ve been reading lately. So I was excited to continue my anti-racism education with his lecture.

It was kind of nice getting to watch the lecture from my house. I had set it up on my iPad but then streamed it to my tv so it would be on a big screen. I was able to be comfortable while watching and looking things up on my phone if he mentioned something I wasn’t familiar with or a show or book I wanted to remember for later.

A lot of what he discussed were things I have learned recently from the news or my reading. One thing he talked about that I’ve been learning more about recently is medical racism. I only knew minimal information about medical racism such as the medical mistreatment in the past. Until recently, I didn’t know as much about how medical students aren’t taught about how different diseases can present with different skin tones. For example, the photos in textbooks of different rashes are usually on pale skin because it’s easier to see them. But that doesn’t teach those medical students about how to recognize the same rash on darker skin. And with the pandemic, medical racism has really become obvious with how some patients aren’t believed when they say they are in pain or are struggling to breathe. It’s awful, but I’m glad I’m learning more about it so I can educate others and make sure I don’t make those judgments about people.

The lecture lasted about 90 minutes, but I wish it was a bit longer. It was so good and I was learning so much. And it didn’t really feel like I was just watching a Zoom presentation. It did help that nobody was on the screen except the speakers, but it still felt different. It almost felt a bit more serious than what most things I’ve seen on Zoom are like. I also loved the idea that even though I was hundreds of miles away from my parents, we were watching the same thing at the same time. It was a live event that wasn’t recorded, which makes it special.

I was talking with my mom after the lecture was done and we were both saying how maybe they will keep the virtual series an option even when they can go back to watching the speakers in person in a theater. If they do that, I might see about getting tickets because I really liked it. And there are amazing speakers in the series each season.

I’ve said how I need to have more fun in my days, and while this was serious it still felt like something fun. It was educational and entertaining and it gave me something to look forward to. I’m still working on adding more things to my days because this proved to me that it’s exactly what I needed. Hopefully, I’ll find more things soon, but for now, I’m just grateful my parents had an extra ticket to the Speaker Series and I got to join them for this one.

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Another Pandemic Therapy Check-In (or Hanging In There)

Posted on February 4, 2021 | Comments Off on Another Pandemic Therapy Check-In (or Hanging In There)

Earlier this week, I had my check-in with my therapist. As it’s been for a while, it was another video appointment. Even before the pandemic, a lot of my appointments were phone or video ones. And I’m ok with that because these appointments are more about checking in with medication things and not doing deeper therapy sessions as I did in the past.

I had to fill out a questionnaire before my video appointment, and it was the same one that I’ve done before. But the questions are as easy to answer as they used to be. For example, there is a section where you list if you never, sometimes, often, or always feel certain emotions. Some of the emotions are easy for me to answer. There are a few questions about if I feel like I want to harm myself or others, and that’s an easy one to say never. But then, there was a section about feeling lonely and isolated.

Of course I feel lonely and isolated! I am lonely and isolated! My last hug was 3 months ago. I don’t see my friends. I rarely speak to another person that isn’t over the phone or computer (I appreciate small talk with cashiers when I’ve gone to the grocery store so much now). Even though I could easily list that I always feel that way, I didn’t know if that was going to trigger anything before my appointment. So I listed it as often instead.

And when my appointment started, I immediately explained things to my therapist. I said that I know it appears that I’m doing worse than normal, but it’s just because the questionnaire hasn’t been adjusted for pandemic life. She and I had a bit of a laugh over it because she understood what I meant.

I saw this post on social media a few hours after my appointment, but I wish I had seen it before because it was perfect. It said something like “I’m pandemic ok which is normal awful”. And I think that’s exactly how I feel. If this was before and I felt like this, I’d be more concerned. But now, I think it’s ok that I’m having these struggles. I’d be more concerned if I didn’t have any struggles. If I felt normal in these abnormal times, I know I’d need help. But my struggles are what most people are feeling right now so it’s normal.

After going over my questionnaire, we talked about my medication. I had a bit of an unexpected break from taking Vyvanse when I was dealing with vertigo. When I was having difficulty getting out of bed, taking medication was the last thing on my mind. But it was ok to take a break and I’m back on it normally now. We discussed maybe changing up my medication because it could be good for me. But just like in my last appointment, both my therapist and I agree that making any changes now wouldn’t be the smartest thing unless I needed to. Because of these unusual times, it would be hard to know if my mental state is being affected by medication or the pandemic. But I liked the plan my therapist had for me with adding in a different medication and I think that I will try it when life is a bit more normal again.

That was pretty much all we discussed in my appointment. We did talk about wanting to feel safe again and hoping that everyone will be vaccinated soon. My fears about being out in public are valid and I’ll likely feel that way until I have been vaccinated. I think most people who have gotten both shots have said they have felt like a weight was lifted from their shoulders. While they are still nervous and cautious, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming. And I look forward to that feeling.

My next appointment will be in 6 months. When we were scheduling it, the first date my therapist suggested was actually my birthday. I told her that and she agreed that another day might be a better option (I’m trying to believe that my birthday this year will be spent with friends and it will be safe to do that). So I have another video appointment about a week after my birthday. And maybe by then, I will be able to say that I’m doing ok and not just pandemic ok.

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Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailAnother Isolated Therapy Session (or My Anxiety Is Normal) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier) Default ThumbnailDoing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping)

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Going In For A Doctor Appointment (or Making A Plan With My Dermatologist)

Posted on February 3, 2021 | Comments Off on Going In For A Doctor Appointment (or Making A Plan With My Dermatologist)

I had mentioned before that I had a really bad flare-up of my autoimmune disease. I’ve dealt with flare-ups since I was a teenager, but the one that I had recently was the worst it’s ever been. And despite hoping I could be prescribed something over the phone to help it, I also knew that there was almost no chance that would happen and I’d have to go in for an appointment. I was right and I had the appointment this past week.

In the past year, the only times I’ve been to the hospital were for urgent care, getting my flu shot, and picking up prescriptions that couldn’t be mailed. I don’t want to have to be there if I can help it right now. And of course, when I had to go, we were experiencing some of the worst numbers we’ve ever had. Fortunately, where my dermatologist is located is a side building next to the main hospital. So it wasn’t that crowded and I only saw one other person in the waiting room.

Even though my dermatologist has seen me before (he’s the one who did the small surgery on my face) and he technically confirmed I had this condition, he still wanted to make sure that he evaluated me correctly and properly put in a diagnosis from him. The autoimmune disease I have is called Hidradenitis suppurativa (or HS). Basically, it’s an inflammatory condition that causes me to have these bumps under my skin that can be extremely painful. Sometimes, they can come to the surface of my skin and it can look like acne or ingrown hair. So a lot of people are misdiagnosed for a long time. I wasn’t properly diagnosed for about 8 years. For me, it’s always been somewhat minor. I didn’t have severe flare-ups as some people have. And I still don’t have it nearly as bad as most. But it can still be extremely painful and I feel like when I have a bad flare-up I usually have other issues like fatigue.

There’s no real cure for HS, but there are treatment options. And the one I was most familiar with was an injectable medication that can help. But it can also make you immunocompromised, so I knew I didn’t want to try that (at least not now). But my dermatologist is one of the few doctors who is very familiar with HS and how to manage it. So I was ready to hear what he had to say when we discussed this more seriously.

He quickly confirmed my diagnosis (which I knew would happen) and talked to me about a few different treatment options. He knew my issues with the injectable medication for now, so we didn’t really talk about that. But he did discuss some surgical options. I didn’t realize I would be a good candidate for surgery, but it was interesting to hear how it can be a permanent solution for a specific area. I don’t want to do surgery just yet, but I’m glad he brought it up so I could do some research on my own so I can be more familiar with it if it comes up again as a good option for me.

There are a few things I already do, like using specific soaps, but I knew there were other topical options as well as medications I could try. And my dermatologist decided that trying a daily pill would be the best one for me to start with. This isn’t a cure and it won’t make it go away forever, but it has the possibility to make my flare-ups not as frequent or severe. There’s no guarantee it will work, but I’m willing to give it the time to work. So for the next 3 months, I’m testing out this medication and will go back in for another appointment when I’m done. Then we will take it from there.

Maybe this medication will work and maybe it will fail. I will say that it’s almost been a week and my pain isn’t as bad. I still have a lot of flare-ups, but they are getting smaller. But that could just be the regular lifecycle of them. I’m trying to stay optimistic because at least I’m trying something. And if this doesn’t work, I’m just grateful that my doctor is going to keep working with me on this. I’ve had doctors in the past who didn’t understand how HS worked and the treatment options and they were offering solutions that I knew wouldn’t work. Having someone on my team who gets it is a huge victory on its own.

All I can do for now is continue to take the medication and hope for the best. And in 3 months, we’ll see what the next step will be. But it’s still more of a plan than I’ve had in a long time, which is giving me a lot of hope.

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Back To More Scheduling (or Seeing How Much My Time Unemployed Affected Me)

Posted on February 2, 2021 | Comments Off on Back To More Scheduling (or Seeing How Much My Time Unemployed Affected Me)

I feel like so many of my monthly challenges are going to be all about getting things back to feeling normal. Or at least, I know my challenge last month and this month will be.

Last month, I challenged myself to have some social time every single day. I knew I was isolating myself too much and I wanted to fix that. I had a goal to always talk to a friend or family member. And I’m happy to say that I did accomplish that.

I did want to try to do more video calls, but I didn’t get that many of them done. But I did have more phone calls than I normally do and didn’t have to rely just on text messages for a majority of the days. I do feel a bit better and less isolated, but I also know that until I can start doing more in-person things that it will be a struggle. But I also know I have the tools to feel better and I need to remember them more often when I’m feeling alone.

And now onto my challenge for this month.

Working on my personal schedule has been an on-going battle for me. It’s usually tough for me to balance work, fun, and time to recover at home. But before the pandemic, I had a pretty decent schedule happening with so much being a weekly or monthly thing and I felt like I was finally getting things balanced. Of course, as soon as I feel good about something, things change and I have to start over.

I spent a good amount of last year without a regular work schedule. Even when I still was working a little, working an hour a day is really nothing. And I didn’t have much to schedule into my life since I wasn’t doing anything. And when I wasn’t working any regular hours at all, I know my schedule got really bad and I wasn’t doing any sort of planning.

Once I started my new job, I had to get things back onto a regular schedule again. I still have significantly less to schedule than I did before the pandemic, but I noticed how not scheduling out my days has started to affect me. I’m feeling a mix of having too much to do and having nothing to do. I stress to get things done only to have hours to do nothing later. I feel like I’m still in a bit of a mindset that I want to be done with all work by a certain time so my afternoons and evenings are free. But they don’t really have to be.

So this month, I have a challenge to actually start scheduling out my days. I want to write more than I have to on a schedule because I know that I need to overdo things a bit so I can see how much I really need. I want to include things like my workout times and when I do my morning and evening routines. In a perfect world, I’d love to have when I’m going to eat on my schedule, but I know that can change a bit. I want to put all my work time in there and the time that I plan on relaxing and watching tv.

I’m hoping that by doing this I can find where I’m pushing myself too hard in my schedule and where I need to add more things. And it should be a bit easier than other times I’ve tried doing this because the things I can have on my schedule will be limited. And hopefully, by doing this I will also get my sleep schedule back under control. I’m doing better with my sleep than I was a month ago, but I’m still staying up too late. And if I can figure out when I can do the things that keep me up late at other times of the day, then I can go to sleep when I want.

I know that scheduling myself won’t be a perfect challenge and I will have mistakes and errors. But my goal is not perfection. I just want to see some progress in how I schedule my life so that I can continue to plan to add more things back into my life as things become safer.

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Still Figuring Out My Workouts (or I’m Just Missing OTF More And More)

Posted on February 1, 2021 | Comments Off on Still Figuring Out My Workouts (or I’m Just Missing OTF More And More)

I said it last week, but one of the things I love most about Orangetheory is not having to think too much about my workouts. I just have to schedule my workout times, show up, and there is a plan all set for me. I know I still have to work hard, but having everything figured out for me helps me feel more excited to work out.

Almost 11 months ago when I started working out at home, the OTF at Home videos were very similar to what the classes were like. And I understand why they changed the format recently and for so many people it probably makes their workouts better. But for me, I like having things really easy for me. All I had to do was get up, open the app on my iPad, and do the workout. I knew I was getting my full workout in and that was that. And if I wasn’t working or if I was doing workouts after work, having to mix and match things might be fine for me. But not when I’m trying to get a workout done quickly so I can do it before I have to log in for work.

So this past week, I tried to do some planning so I didn’t have to think too much. I knew what things I’d be doing each day and tried to follow that. But it still didn’t feel right to me. I really don’t like having to switch from one workout to another to get my full workout done. I liked it being in a single video so I didn’t have to switch anything in the middle. But I tried this idea and did it for the first 3 workouts of the week. But on Saturday, when I had a bit more time, I decided to change it yet again.

First, I will say that as soon as I can go back to OTF, I will be going there. I still think it’s the best workout for me and just because I’m looking at other options for now doesn’t mean that I won’t be back. I just have to find what works when I can’t do the workout that works best for me. And as soon as I’m vaccinated or things are safe, I will be back at OTF and probably won’t work out at home anymore.

But I had to accept that for now, the OTF at Home videos aren’t going to be the best option for me unless they go back to full workouts in a single video. I had to find workouts online that were the full workout in one thing. So I created a playlist for myself on YouTube and started searching for different workouts online. I found online videos that are similar to OTF and have the full workout in one thing. And I made sure all the videos were long enough too. Some of them were only 20 minutes long, and that’s not enough for me. The shortest ones I found were about 35 minutes long, but most were between 45-60 minutes.

I want to add that as I wrote this blog post, I also realized I was a bit of an idiot and didn’t add any of the old OTF at Home workout videos to my list. They have hundreds on there with the old format on their YouTube channel, so I could just add those too! So I actually took a break in the middle of writing this to go to their channel to add a bunch of those workouts to my playlist.

I found quite a few videos that fit what I was looking for. And I did the first one for my Saturday workout. It was a bit odd trying to get used to some of the flow and language they used (some exercises had different names from what I’m used to), but it went well. I liked feeling like I was doing a full workout and that I didn’t have to think too much about it. I will still need to plan out what video I will do each day, especially on weekdays when my time is a bit more limited. I’m also going to try to only do the shorter 35-minute ones when I have to rush to get my workout done. But hopefully, I can keep waking up early so I don’t have to rush a workout in the morning.

Just like with every other attempt I’ve made with doing my workouts at home work for me, this one might not work even though I’m liking the idea for now. Things might change and next week I might have a new idea that I’m excited about. But I’m trying to remind myself that at least I’m trying to make this work and not giving up when things keep getting harder for me. I’m not giving up on my workout routine. I just have to keep going. And maybe it will never really be perfect for me, but that’s ok too. This isn’t the permanent plan for myself, I just have to do it until I can get back to what I know makes me happy.

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