Tag Archives: pandemic

Requiring Masks Again (or This Doesn’t Change Too Much For Me)

Posted on July 20, 2021 | Comments Off on Requiring Masks Again (or This Doesn’t Change Too Much For Me)

Over the weekend, LA County put their mask mandate back. It’s been about a month since the mandate ended and things were looking much better as far as daily cases go. So many people were getting vaccinated and I was celebrating each time I heard of a friend getting an appointment for a vaccine. When I set up my vaccine appointment earlier this year, I had heard so many stories of friends trying for so long to finally get through to a person. So I was so grateful when I was vaccinated and it seemed like we were getting closer and closer to all eligible people being vaccinated.

I knew that kids still weren’t able to get the vaccine, but at least with all people over the age of 12 being protected, things should have been getting better. And they were for so long. When things returned to normal, I was so hopeful about the world starting to return to normal. The end of the mandate last month didn’t change too much for me, but it did allow me to feel like things were better and I stopped stressing out as much as I had before.

But shortly after the mandate ended, daily cases started to increase. I knew this could happen, but I don’t think anybody expected it to happen the same way it did. We went from having under 200 cases a day to over 1,000 cases a day within about a week. And even though 99% of the new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths were from unvaccinated people; things were looking a bit out of control. And if it was only unvaccinated adults who made the choice to not be vaccinated, maybe it would seem different. But children have no choice and cannot be vaccinated and things were getting more dangerous for them. So even though I think everyone didn’t want to have to wear masks again in all situations, I understand why they put the mandate back. We need to stop this surge before it gets worse.

It’s frustrating and upsetting to see things get worse, but I’m grateful that they took action quickly and hopefully the surge won’t get much better. And maybe this will motivate more eligible people to be vaccinated. I know not every state is going to have the same push that CA might have, but things have been so patchwork for so long and I don’t know if there could be a way to hope for some policies to be nationwide.

I don’t hate wearing a mask, but I don’t love it either. I have had multiple panic attacks while wearing a mask. None of the attacks have been horrible, but they are never fun to deal with. It’s not about having something on my face necessarily, but more of a constant reminder of the state of the world. It’s why I have mainly been doing online and delivery shopping, even for groceries. But I understand why they are necessary and how they help. And I feel like I will wear a mask during cold and flu season in the future to protect myself. And compared to the sacrifices so many others have to make to be safe, wearing a simple mask is a small thing to do.

Even when the mask mandate ended, I still wore a mask in almost all public places. There were signs at the grocery store that fully vaccinated people didn’t have to, but I did since they didn’t ask for proof and I felt it was something respectful I could do for the employees. I’ve only been to restaurants a few times since the pandemic hit, and I would wear my mask unless I was eating or drinking. But I haven’t gone to a lot of shops or out to many public things like movies. So even though I didn’t change too much when the mandate ended, it still felt like a step forward. I’m trying to not look at the mandate coming back as a step back, but it’s hard not to be a bit pessimistic about it.

Hopefully, the cases will drop again soon and more people will be vaccinated so we can end this mandate and not take a step back again. We are so close to being over the pandemic and we can’t give up so close to the finish line. And until we are done, I will be doing what I can to keep myself safe as well as others. I just hope that more people feel the same way and get vaccinated soon.

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Finally Seeing Some Friends (or Having An Almost Normal 4th Of July)

Posted on July 7, 2021 | Comments Off on Finally Seeing Some Friends (or Having An Almost Normal 4th Of July)

My 4th of July in 2020 was so unusual for me. I normally am with my friends, and last year we couldn’t do it. I think we had all hoped that life would be normal by then (I miss how innocent we all were when we thought the pandemic could be over by then), but there was no safe way for us to be together. And as much as I missed everyone, I’m glad we were able to be safe and make sure nobody got sick. I think I’m pretty lucky with my friend group. So many of us were at higher risk and very few people got sick. But I know that’s because we were taking so many precautions.

And even though things are better this year, I think we all agreed that having a big hangout wasn’t the right choice. As much as I would have loved going to a big party, I’m glad I didn’t have to turn it down because it would have been hard to not see my friends and celebrate with everyone. I know most of us are vaccinated, but not everyone has been (such as the kids of my friends), so we are just going to have to be safer for a bit longer. But that just means when we are all finally together again for a big party, we will be celebrating even more. I’m trying to be hopeful for Halloween this year.

Since I wasn’t going to go to my usual big party again this year on the 4th, I had to figure out what to do. And this year, I didn’t really do anything on the 4th. I had a few things I had to do around my house, but I took advantage of having a day off and just relaxing. I needed that little break and I didn’t even go out to watch fireworks. I had gotten comfortable at home and didn’t feel like leaving to deal with crowds (especially when I can’t trust everyone will be either vaccinated or wearing a mask). So the actual 4th was a bit of a bust compared to the past, but that was ok because I had my little celebration on the 3rd instead.

I was able to join some friends for a small gathering at their house. We were outside almost the entire time, everyone attending has been vaccinated for at least a month, and we were all people who do take other precautions when we are out in public. While staying home alone is probably the safest option, this was one of the safest ways I could see some of my friends.

This was actually the largest group of friends I had been able to see since the pandemic started. And I was afraid I’d be crying in happiness to see everyone, especially since I hadn’t seen any of them since the beginning of 2020. But I managed to hold it together and I was able to enjoy a night that felt so normal to me.

I don’t really have photos from that night because we were all focused on spending time together. Seeing friends on a screen is so different from seeing each other in person. And taking photos would have taken away from the in-person time we had together. So while I wish I had some photos of celebrating seeing my friends again, I’m just so happy that I got to see them and spend time reconnecting with people who I have missed for so long!

I know that I am lucky that I was able to see some of my friends and feel safe. Not everyone has friends who have been vaccinated or able to feel this safe around others. And it has taken a long time for things to get to this point with me and my friends. But I am hoping that this is just the beginning of my in-person hangouts with more and more people as things are a bit safer for those of us who have had the vaccine. I wish things would just be normal again and we didn’t have to worry about this, but I know that we are getting there and soon it won’t be a worry. We’ve made it this long, we can keep being careful for a little bit longer.

And yes, I know we had a 3 day weekend for the 4th of July. I’ll be sharing the unexpected thing I got to do on Monday in tomorrow’s post!

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Mental Health Lessons From The Pandemic (or I’ve Gained New Empathy Over The Past Year)

Posted on June 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Mental Health Lessons From The Pandemic (or I’ve Gained New Empathy Over The Past Year)

I think most of us around the world have an odd time regarding mental health since March 2020. Some gained new anxieties and fears. Some learned how we really are introverts or extroverts. Some gained new coping mechanisms (both healthy and unhealthy). And some learned to prioritize their mental health for the first time. Even though I have been very aware of my mental health and mental health issues, so many things have changed how I think about things because of what we all went through.

I have had some real low points, and I have learned to appreciate the little things that make me happy. And yes, I have picked up some coping mechanisms that aren’t the healthiest and I’m working to fix things so I don’t rely on those as much. And while I do wish we didn’t have to go through all this, it has been interesting to see what things I have learned regarding mental health for myself and for what others experienced.

For example, when things shut down and so many of us were numb, I learned a lot about how our brains protect us when things are too overwhelming and that’s why we might be numb. We might not understand how bad things are even if we have the information and facts. Some people might have been acting like things weren’t as bad as they were because of this. But some people just refused to believe it and were defiant. Most of the people who were numb didn’t speak out too much about feeling that way because they didn’t know that’s what they were experiencing.

And right now, with so many of us hesitating about going back out in the world, there have been discussions and posts online about how some trauma takes time to show in our lives and we might be reacting to the trauma of the shutdown now. Some of the fear and anxiety might have not been felt before if we were numb and now we are seeing how serious things really are. And when you see so many people out there not caring about wearing a mask or being vaccinated, it can make things worse when there are so many unknowns about what happens there is a new surge.

And besides learning about current mental health issues and how they connect with me, I have learned a lot about how this experience relates to things that I had no clue about before. The best example I saw was discussing how the time we are in right now is only a fraction of what people who were in prison and getting out experience.

For a while, we have lived condensed lives. We haven’t seen many people, had to make that many choices about what to do, and we have stopped being social. When someone is leaving prison, they experience so much of the same but also so much more. And I know that I never gave too much thought about how long it might take someone to reenter the world after prison. I know I’ve thought about things from a technology standpoint and thinking how overwhelming it might be if someone went to prison when cell phones were basic and now they are handed an iPhone. But also, now I can understand wanting to stay isolated even when that’s what they’ve been experiencing for so long. Not wanting to be in big groups or around a lot of people makes a lot more sense. When you go from such a limited life to a full life, everything seems like a lot.

And I don’t think I could have truly understood this feeling without experiencing it a bit myself. Even though I do get burnout and overwhelmed, this is a different level of it. It’s almost like sometimes I can’t focus on things because there are so many possibilities for me. There aren’t things I’m necessarily trying to do to overcome this feeling besides be gentle with myself and not feel like I have to go out to do things just because I can.

I’m sure that one day, looking back at this time I will have more lessons I’ve learned and things I appreciate. But for now, I’m just grateful for the little bits that I’ve learned, the new skills I have, and being more aware of situations others may be experiencing.

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Hair And Groceries (or Being Out And About When Masks Aren’t Required)

Posted on June 22, 2021 | Comments Off on Hair And Groceries (or Being Out And About When Masks Aren’t Required)

I wrote last week about how I was nervous about going out and doing things now that things have reopened and masks were no longer required for people who are vaccinated. I would probably feel differently if I knew that the people without masks were really people who were vaccinated, but since they aren’t currently requiring proof I can’t know that for sure. I do know that a lot of people in LA have been vaccinated and we are having lower case rates than many places around the country. But there are still cases every day and it is slightly increasing right now. This is nothing like the surges in the past and I don’t know if the new cases could be all unvaccinated people. So I have to continue to believe that things really are getting better, even if they aren’t completely better yet.

I wasn’t sure how soon I’d be going out and doing errands and other things now that things are reopened. I really thought it might take a week or so to feel ok. But it turns out that it happened over the weekend when I had a few things to do on Sunday.

First, I got my hair done on Sunday. This isn’t the first time I’ve had my hair done since the shutdown nor is it the first time I was in a hair salon since. I went to my friend Erin’s salon toward the end of last year to have her do my hair. When I went then, we both knew that we had to be careful. We were both in KN95 masks and there weren’t any other people in the salon. But besides that time, I either dyed my hair at home or I went to Erin’s house to have her do it. And originally, I thought I was going to go to her house to have my hair done, but she’s at a new salon now and wasn’t able to have me come to her place. But we picked a day and time when there weren’t a lot of other people with appointments.

It is weird to figure out if it’s ok to not wear a mask or not. I know that I am pretty safe since I am vaccinated, but I also don’t want to make a dumb decision. But with Erin, we are at Orangetheory together without masks, so I wasn’t as worried about being around her. I did keep my mask on for some of my appointment and had it off for other parts of it. I will say, being without a mask in public does seem really odd to me. It’s weird how quickly this has become a part of what feels normal, especially when it did take me some time to be comfortable with it.

I’m glad I got my hair done and I’m glad I’m back to a somewhat regular routine with it. I haven’t started back with other parts of my beauty and self-care routine that I don’t do at home, but I know that will come eventually. I think getting used to things one at a time is going to be key for me and my anxiety.

Since I was already out and about, I decided to go to the grocery store too. I know that I can still get groceries delivered and I do plan on continuing that for a while for some things, but I’m trying to get back to being not as isolated all the time. Plus, I wanted to go to Trader Joe’s and I can’t get things delivered from there (and some things are only found at Trader Joe’s). I knew that whatever the policy was there, I was going to wear my mask. The store isn’t that big and people can be close together. And for me, it was important to feel ok with being there and that required wearing a mask.

There was a sign in front saying their policy was that vaccinated people had the option to be without a mask but if you were unvaccinated you were required to wear one. And just like everywhere else, this was on the honor policy. But I will say almost everyone inside was wearing a mask. It was pretty crowded since I was there on a Sunday afternoon, and I think I only saw 3 or 4 people without masks. Nobody was making wearing a mask a big deal and it seemed like we all knew that it was just as normal of a thing to do as wearing shoes. Seeing that a majority of the people there were wearing masks made me feel much better about going out for groceries and not letting my anxiety or fear stop me and only use delivery services.

It will really be baby steps back to my normal life unless a miracle happens and there are no more cases anywhere. I don’t think that will happen and it will hopefully slowly be getting better until things are like they used to be. And if there are better treatment options for COVID so getting it would be more like getting a cold or the regular flu, then that will help too. But knowing how dangerous it can be and how bad the long-term symptoms can affect someone makes me feel like I have to be careful to stay safe.

But I’m glad that I didn’t continue to let fear or anxiety stop me and I started to rejoin the world again. It’s been a long 15 months and I am ready to see what else in my old life I can regain and enjoy again.

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Thoughts About The Reopening (or Feeling Safe And Scared At Once)

Posted on June 17, 2021 | Comments Off on Thoughts About The Reopening (or Feeling Safe And Scared At Once)

This week, California officially reopened after being shut down for over a year. This has been a process happening over the past few months, but it drastically changed this week. Now, there are no occupancy restrictions anymore and it is not required for everywhere to require masks. There are a few places that still require masks like on public transportation and at medical centers, plus businesses can decide they are going to require them, but for the most part, masks aren’t needed anymore.

This is what we were all waiting for. This is what I’ve been wanting for so long. But now that it’s here, it makes me so incredibly nervous. I know when things shut down at first, I couldn’t wait for them to be normal again. But the longer the shutdown happened, the less I felt like I was ready to be back. I don’t want to wear a mask forever, but I have gotten used to it. And the few times I’ve been maskless recently (like when I have been out to dinner) have felt like I’ve been doing something illegal even though it was allowed.

I know that I am pretty safe. I am fully vaccinated. Even though medically I am higher risk, being vaccinated helps a lot and I don’t spend time around a lot of people who aren’t vaccinated. I don’t spend a lot of time around anyone even if they are vaccinated. I do take some risks that others don’t, like going to Orangetheory, but in general, I do not take many risks and still spend a lot of my time isolated.

With things reopening, I am a bit nervous to go out and about and do things like errands. I know I can still wear my own mask and will probably do that for a little longer. I want to see how things look in a few weeks after we’ve had some time without masks before I feel more comfortable being maskless all the time. I don’t know if my grocery store requires them right now or not, but I would hope that people in my neighborhood are either vaccinated or wear masks if they are not. I know that unvaccinated people might not wear masks since people aren’t confirming anyone has been vaccinated, but I hope that it’s a very small minority of the people that I would encounter.

Despite being nervous and scared about how things will go from now on, I’m also so excited to keep getting parts of my life back. I want to go to stores to shop instead of ordering online. I want to go out to see movies. I want to enjoy more meals out. I want to feel like I can be safe doing things that I used to do all the time without thinking twice about them. I just don’t feel ready quite yet to jump into all of that yet.

I know that for a while, my nerves were stronger than my want to go out and enjoy my life again. Now, I would say things are 50/50. And I bet soon, wanting to go out again will be more than my nerves and I will feel much better about joining the real world again. I will still probably be cautious for a while since I know things aren’t over and I don’t want to take a risk I will regret. But every time things move a bit more toward normal, I do have hope that it will continue that way and soon this will all be in the past.

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Friends Are Living All Over (or Another Thing Because Of The Pandemic)

Posted on May 19, 2021 | Comments Off on Friends Are Living All Over (or Another Thing Because Of The Pandemic)

Over the past year, so many people have moved. Some moved home to be with family so they didn’t have to be alone. Some moved in with roommates or someone they were dating for the same reason. And some people moved away because of work or other opportunities.

I was very lucky that I wasn’t in a spot where I had to worry about moving. While paying my rent wasn’t easy when I was out of work, I had the money I could use even if I wanted to save it for another reason. To me, staying in my place was important because I love where I live. I toyed with the idea of seeing if I wanted to go stay with family or see if someone wanted to be temporary roommates. But that didn’t happen. I just didn’t find a way to make it work and be a good idea when things were a bit more normal again.

But throughout the past year, several of my friends have moved away from LA. Some of them had these moves planned out before the pandemic started. The timing just happened to be after things shut down. But it was unfortunate because they couldn’t really say goodbye to people. Since they couldn’t have a goodbye party, some people moved and shared that they moved after the fact. And as much as I would have liked to have said goodbye, I knew there was no way I could have done that so I understand why they decided to move that way.

For most of the past year, having friends moving away didn’t really hit me. I wouldn’t have seen them even if they lived down the street while things were shut down. But as things are starting to reopen, I’m missing those friends who moved away more and more. I’m not making plans to see them at workouts or go out to do the things that are finally open again.

And while everyone says making friends as an adult is tough, making friends as an adult while we are coming out of a pandemic is even harder. I’ve had to find new friends before as an adult, and the friends I gained were people I met at different social events or parties. I have no idea how to make new friends who live in LA now (I have made some amazing friends who aren’t local through my Movie Club group on Teleparty).

I know I will find ways to make new friends eventually, and I really am excited for my friends who moved away because they all have moved somewhere that has made them happy or allowed them amazing opportunities that they couldn’t have in LA. But it’s hard not to be sad as this is another part of my old life that is over because of the pandemic. I do try to focus on the excitement of my friends with their new lives in their new cities. And seeing them happy makes me happy. I hope that I can visit some of them when I feel like travel is a bit safer, and I love knowing I have friends all over the country that I could see and explore new cities with.

I know that things always change throughout life. And having friends move away is just a part of that. But I think having it happen with so many friends and combined with the isolation and other issues of the pandemic, it just hit me harder this time. But one thing that this pandemic has taught me is how to stay in touch with people when I can’t be face to face with them. I did that for people who lived down the street when we were all isolated and I can continue to do that for people who are no longer local. I have built the skills to stay virtually connected and I will just have to keep using these skills to stay in touch with my friends.

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A Little Of My Old Life and A Little Of My New Life (or Yet Another Thing To Balance)

Posted on May 12, 2021 | Comments Off on A Little Of My Old Life and A Little Of My New Life (or Yet Another Thing To Balance)

When the pandemic started, everything shut down very quickly. I have said it was like a light switch. One day, things were open and seemed normal. The next day, I didn’t know what do to or what I would be able to get done. And while it was a little tough to go from feeling safe and able to live my life to feeling locked in my house, I think that transition also was easier because there was no thought necessary. I didn’t leave my house unless I had to. Most places I would have gone weren’t open anyway. So I just stayed home and went to the grocery store when I had to (if I wasn’t getting my groceries through a delivery service).

And I got used to my isolated life. I didn’t necessarily enjoy it, but it became familiar and easy enough to do. I didn’t have much in my life, but I also didn’t think too much about things since I didn’t have many other options.

I’ve shared on here before how it’s been tough for me to feel ok going out and doing more. Even though I’m fully vaccinated, I still am nervous about being out and about. The more that I do it, the better I feel. I think seeing how careful so many other people are has been helping me. I have only seen people throw a fit about wearing a mask a few times, and they were either removed from that location or left when they realized that nobody else there was on their side. And every time I add something back into my life, I am reminded about how much joy those things bring to me. For example, going out to dinner was amazing and made me feel more like myself again. Going to the grocery store more often than using delivery services is something I didn’t know how much I’d appreciate until I’d do it again.

But there are new routines and habits that I have started over the past year and I’m not necessarily giving them all up. There are some things that were almost an even switch. Such as no longer working out at home because I’m back at Orangetheory. That was easy for me to decide to do and I didn’t think twice about it and didn’t think about trying to do both the studio workouts and the home workouts. I would have done it if I needed to, but fortunately, I haven’t had to do that yet.

Then there are things like how I am dating. That’s not an even switch. Even with me going out for in-person dates again, I’m not completely giving up on virtual dating. I do still have the goal of meeting someone in person, but it is nice to almost have a pre-date to see if I want to take the time to meet them in person. I’ve joked to friends that with virtual dates, you don’t have to wear pants and you can make sure you just look good on camera. Much less effort than going to an in-person date. But dating in real life is still the plan for the guys I actually want to date, but I’ve been mixing up what I did before and what I’ve been doing this past year.

And then there are things that are new to me because of the pandemic that I’m still doing and plan on trying to keep in my regular routine. A big one is still doing things with my Netflix Party group. We’ve been watching things together for over a year now. And we have a good routine down. We watch a tv show together as a group on Wednesdays and movies on Saturdays (although we have watched some of the MCU mini-series on Saturdays too). This was started so none of us would feel too alone or isolated when things were at their worst with the pandemic. But it’s become something I look forward to every week now! And even though I can go out and do things with others in person, I want to prioritize my schedule so that I can still join on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

I know that this transition is going to be something I need to be aware of so I don’t overwhelm myself. I know that if I have too much on my schedule, I can almost struggle to do anything. But I also feel like I have to make up for lost time from this past year. But I know that at some point, I will find a balance of what I want to do from before and from now and it will make things in my future feel like a really amazing and full life.

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Trying A New Type Of Virtual Date (or Having A Trivia Night)

Posted on May 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Trying A New Type Of Virtual Date (or Having A Trivia Night)

For most of last year, it was very difficult to try to date. There were so many concerns about the pandemic and needing to trust someone who you don’t necessarily know to make sure you were being safe. I rarely met anyone in person, and the few time I did, it was usually outside while wearing masks. It’s not easy to date that way and get to know someone. There is a weird disconnect when you can’t see someone’s full face.

So I tried a few different virtual dating options. I did virtual movie nights using Netflix Party (now called Teleparty). I did phone calls and video dates and was grateful that so many of the apps incorporated these features into the apps so I didn’t have to give out my phone number to someone I haven’t met. And at least with video dating, I could see what someone looks like outside of just the photos they post. Seeing someone move around on the screen shows a better idea of their look.

And recently, I’ve been venturing into in-person dating again. It’s still something that makes me a little nervous as far as pandemic safety goes, but as things are getting better I feel better about going out to date. And as more places start to open up, it at least gives me some options for where I can go for a date. It’s still not easy, but I’m glad it’s an option now when I didn’t have it before.

But there are still plenty of reasons to do a virtual date before an in-person date. I do look forward to when I can quickly and easily suggest to someone that we should meet up for a drink or coffee since in-person chemistry is so important to me. But there are still people who are high risk for getting sick or haven’t gotten the vaccine yet. And there are other guys that I’m matching with that aren’t super close to where I live. I don’t mind having to go to the valley for a date, but it’s not something I always want to do if I’m unsure about a person. So I continue to do virtual dates.

And it seems like some of the apps are trying to make virtual dates more than just a phone or video call. Having something to do on a virtual date makes it a little less awkward (which is part of the reason why I like doing virtual movie nights). A little while ago, I noticed that Bumble added a new virtual date option for a trivia game called Night In. I hadn’t had a chance to use it when it was released, but I did finally have a virtual date with it over this past weekend.

Night In is a trivia game that has 3 rounds and each round has 5 questions. You are in a video call with the other person and you work together to answer each question. You both have to press on the answer to see if you are right or not. You aren’t competing against anyone else, it’s just a way to have an icebreaker for a virtual date.

And I have to say that it was a really fun way to move beyond just texting with someone and getting to know them a bit. You learn about what random things they know about or how they try to solve a question they don’t know the answer to. We didn’t do that great with the trivia. We usually got either 2 out of 5 or 3 out of 5 right. There were a few that we disagreed on, but the answer the other person wanted was right. But again, it wasn’t a competition with anyone else, so it was ok that we didn’t get that many correct.

The only downside to using this for a virtual date was that there was a time limit to answer each question. I think it was about a minute for each one. So there wasn’t a ton of time to chat while we were playing or to discuss why we thought an answer was right. But after we completed all 3 rounds, we did continue our video call and got to know each other a bit more. I’m not sure there will be an in-person date or not, but I did get to know him better than I had over text. And there wasn’t a long time waiting for an answer to a question like there is with text.

I know that eventually, I might not do any form of virtual dating. I do see the benefit of a phone or video call before meeting in person because I have decided I didn’t want to meet someone from a call. But at the same time, I usually just prefer to meet in person. I know it has the potential to be a waste of time, but I don’t have such a crazy schedule that wasting an afternoon messes too much up for me.

But at least for now, I’m grateful for the options I have. Dating is hard to begin with, but it’s been so much harder since last year. So anything that gives me options and the ability to feel safe while dating is appreciated and something I’m glad I have to use if I feel like it’s the right first step.

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Feeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing)

Posted on May 7, 2021 | Comments Off on Feeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing)

A year ago when the pandemic started, I worried so much about what I would blog about. I wondered if I would have to cut back on how many days I’d have posts to go live. I wondered if every post would be the same and I’d have nothing to write about. I’m still surprised that I was able to maintain my regular blogging schedule even at the worst points of the pandemic.

But what I didn’t think about as much is how often I would write about things being normal again and how happy it makes me. Maybe it’s because things shutting down was such a shock that it seemed so different and the idea of things coming back seemed normal and boring. But I feel like I’m constantly writing about how happy I am as things come back into my life and things start to feel more like my life before.

Of course, I’m still being very cautious about what I do and where I go. I do have some anxiety as I go into a new place or am around a new person because I have to judge how safe things are. I know I’m pretty safe between being fully vaccinated and staying masked (except the few moments I am not masked in certain places). But I still need to be careful with my own safety and the safety of those around me.

But that anxiety about staying safe is easing as I get to do more things in my life. It’s not that I forget to be anxious or I don’t care. But my anxiety isn’t the primary emotion in my life anymore. I have other things to focus on so my mental health is in a much better place. My baseline isn’t where it was before, but it’s much closer to that than how low I was feeling during the worst of it. And as I add more and more back into my life, my baseline is getting to a better place.

I think having Orangetheory back into my life is a big thing that has made me feel better about everything. That routine and that workout helps me in so many ways. Even though it’s still tough to struggle with things I didn’t struggle with before, I’m feeling so much better about myself. I don’t even mind that I have to wake up so early to go to class. I’ve always appreciated Orangetheory and what it did for my body and mind, but I appreciate it at a whole new level now. And as I go to each class, I notice that working out in the studio is helping me feel better and better. I’m sure at some point that will level off, but for now it’s making a huge difference in my life.

Going out to eat was another big thing that has helped make me feel more normal and less anxious. This was a little harder for me to do since going out to eat means you aren’t wearing a mask. But going to Wood & Vine felt a lot safer than so many places I’ve been going in the past year. I knew I could trust the management and staff to be doing the right things to keep people safe, and I was right. I have seen some restaurants doing outdoor dining and the tables seem really close together. But Wood & Vine really was careful with how they set up the space, even when that meant they couldn’t have as many people there as they wanted.

Just going out to eat with a friend felt so normal and even though we were very aware of things, it also allowed us to forget that we were still in a pandemic for a little bit of time. And having any time where the pandemic isn’t dominating my thoughts is a nice escape. I spent far too long since last year thinking of nothing but my safety and health. And just like how Orangetheory is helping my mental health, having another focus is doing the same. Going out to eat is going to have to be a rare treat because I do want to be careful how much I go out, but it’s nice that it’s an option again in my life.

And even my dating life is starting to feel a bit more normal again! I’m still doing some video/virtual dates, but meeting up in person is getting a bit easier to do. Coffee dates are much easier now than they were for most of last year. I feel safer hanging out outside with someone new. Being on a date without a mask is still something I think I’m only ok with if the other person is vaccinated (and most people who are vaccinated are happy to show their vaccination cards to prove it) and there are still not a lot of options to have creative dates. But as things reopen again, there will be more places I can go on dates. And hopefully, just like with so much else, things will continue to feel safer for me and I won’t be as worried about my health.

My life is still not fully back to normal, but in the past month I have been able to have a lot of things back. And I’ve been feeling more calm and relaxed and home, which is having a lot of positive effects. I’m able to sleep better. I’m more focused. I am enjoying silly little things again. I feel like the doom and gloom feeling is still in the background, but it’s not taking over my life. And I needed this happiness back.

Just like with so many other posts where I have written about things being closer to normal, I had no idea how much I needed this until I had it. I knew I wasn’t doing great last year, but I had no clue how bad it had gotten for me until it got better. And I’m trying to stay hopeful that it is only going to continue to get better from now on.

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Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

Posted on April 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

I am sure I sound like a broken record about talking about how even though I’m vaccinated I’m being very cautious. I’m not going out that much. While I’m doing more than just essential errands and appointments, I’m still not doing that much. I have limited which friends I have seen in person, and when I do see people it tends to be in their home. Even when I see family, we are staying in a home and not going out that much.

And I know doing this is still one of the safer options, but I also know I need to push myself to get out there more. I’m not feeling isolated or pandemic fatigued necessarily. It’s more of my fear of isolating myself unnecessarily when things are safe. It’s hard to feel like it’s ok to go do things that for a year we have been told to do. And it’s hard to find the balance between what are safer risks to take and what is just too much. In some ways, we are lucky here because not everything is open again and they are limiting people so they aren’t too crowded. And everywhere pretty much requires masks unless you are eating or drinking.

I haven’t been to a restaurant yet (although that is actually coming up soon!), and any meals I’ve gotten that I didn’t make myself have either been takeout or delivery. But this past week, I went to a coffee shop and had a coffee in public for the first time in over a year!

I know this doesn’t sound like much, but for me, it was a bit weird and I was worried about things. But I felt like it was a safe way to push myself to be out and about more and feel like I’m easing myself into life again. And fortunately, it wasn’t as weird as I was afraid it would be.

I went to a coffee shop that wasn’t that close to my house because it was for a first date. Going to coffee or a drink (even though I don’t drink coffee or alcohol) used to be my go-to first date since it’s casual and easy enough to leave if it is a bad date. Any dating I’ve tried to do in the past year has been tough to find where to meet up with someone, so being able to have a first date like I’m used to was nice. And the coffee shop we went to had a large patio in the back that wasn’t crowded, so we weren’t sitting close to anyone else.

The guy I met was also fully vaccinated, which made me feel a bit better about things too. Since we were sitting there without our masks on for a while, I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about if he might be sick but asymptomatic. And after going on dates where we had to be masked the entire time, it was nice to have a date where I could see his entire face and not feel like I’m not really seeing who he is. I was worried for a little while that it might get more crowded on the patio and that I would feel like I was too close to others and would feel like I needed to wear my mask more, but that didn’t end up happening.

After I got home from my date (which went well, but I don’t have much more to share than that), I realized how nice it was to be out in public with others again without worrying as much as I have over the past year. I’ve said before that the isolation has felt like I was on my own little planet and everyone else was living their lives. But just being at the coffee shop was a nice reminder that I’m a part of the world too. I needed to be a part of the public again. Even when I have friends come over to my house, it still feels a bit isolated. I might not be alone, but we are isolated at home. So going out made me feel like I was a part of the world again.

There are still limited places that I think I’d be open to going to because I need to still be safe and cautious. But just going to this coffee shop reminded me that there are options for places I could go and not feel like I’m taking that much of a risk. It’s not something I will be doing all the time, but it is something I should try to do when I have a chance. Even if I met a friend at a park instead of at my house or theirs might help me feel a bit more involved in the world.

I haven’t built up the skills to figure this out too much. For my entire life until the pandemic, I never had to think about what I could do in public that feels safe. For the past year, I was more focused on how to stay healthy and isolated. I’ve written about how I needed to be more social and to find ways to not isolate as much, but in my head so many of those things didn’t involve too much in public. Now, this is just something else to think about when I’m trying to think of what I can do. And hopefully, I’ll continue to be more comfortable with the few things I’m going to be ok with doing and I keep pushing myself to find the little bits of normalcy that I can get back.

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