Tag Archives: food

Getting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

After having so many days of “bad” food days, I knew I needed to get myself back in gear. If I didn’t, I would easily regain all the weight I had worked so hard to lose (plus some). I’ve been in this cycle for years (or decades) and I know that it won’t end on its own. I have to be proactive.

I’ve been trying to figure out what would be the best way to get back on track. I tried doing the diet plan from the cleanse again but that wasn’t working. I was feeling really sick and I couldn’t figure out what was causing it.

I also tried going back to my weekly meal prep, but whenever I did I felt like I wasn’t totally into it and found that I wasn’t satisfied with my meals. So I would eat something else (like take-out) or after my meal I would still eat something else.

I think that it is so hard for me to find a “normal” diet because I’ve never really had one. Even as a kid and teenager I had food issues. So normal is completely abnormal to me.

But I have to find my own normal. So I’ve been working on that this week. I’ve been doing research on food options and seeing what seems most likely for me to follow.

Basically, I’m back to a similar plan to the cleanse with many modifications. I’m trying to just have fruit for breakfast. I was hungry at the beginning because I’ve gotten used to bigger breakfasts (usually a waffle with peanut butter), but I’m starting to feel more comfortable just having fruit in the morning. On Mondays when I have a morning workout I might have something more substantial, but on non-workout mornings I’m good with just fruit.

Lunches are a bit more varied. I’ve had sandwiches, apples with cheese, or a microwave meal (I’m trying to stick with the more organic ones even though I know those still aren’t ideal). Basically lunch needs to be something that is quick to put together and easy to eat. And hopefully something that I can put down and continue eating later if I get a call from a customer at work.

On workout days, I sometimes have a snack after work. Usually those are pre-packaged individual serving bags of cashews. Those help keep me from feeling too hungry or light-headed during my workout.

Dinners are still a struggle. I know better options for take out that I can get if necessary, but I’m really trying to make more dinners at home (especially on nights that I’m not working out or going somewhere). I’m doing a lot of rice bowls with either beans and veggies or a veggie burger on top. Those aren’t bad options, but I’m hoping to figure out something else besides rice bowls that I like to make for dinner (and don’t make me wish I had something else).

These are baby steps in the right direction, but at least they are on the right direction. I’m hoping that I’m finally able to find a balance that works for me in the long-term and doesn’t just feel like a quick fix (like everything has in the past).

Trying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track)

Why does it seem like whenever I make progress, something comes that sets me back?

Once again, my weight loss progress has stalled. And I know it’s my fault. I’m not doing so great with my food (again).

I tried to go back to my cleanse plan, but my body wasn’t happy with that. I was getting nauseous and dizzy throughout the day, especially during workouts. And those symptoms would last for an extended period of time where I didn’t feel safe driving or sometimes even walking (I ran into several doors in my house and got lots of bruises). So I tried to just say with a good “normal” diet plan with trying to stay in my calories each day.

It’s just not working. I’m finding that I’m screwing up almost on a daily basis. It’s  not as bad as it’s been in the past, so that is some progress. But these little slip ups do add up and they really are effecting my weight loss.

The one thing I will say is that no matter how bad I feel after eating “bad” foods, I’m still going in for my workouts. In the past, if I had a binge episode I would spend the next day or so recovering from it. And that recovery usually meant laying in bed or the couch waiting for my body to stop hurting. But now, even if I’m hurting or feel sick I still work out. I might not work out as hard as I know I could, but something is better than nothing.

And with this setback with my food, I’m also having a problem for the first time with water intake. I’ve always been someone who drinks too much water. In fact, I’ve had to monitor my water to not drink too much (that can cause issues). I’m still getting in close to 100oz of water every day, but that’s less than I’d like to drink. I’d rather be closer to 125oz.

I just bought a new water glass for my house online and it should be delivered in the next week or two. This one is a 24oz tumbler that is double-walled so I can have it next to my computer while I’m working and I don’t have to worry about the water sweat. Hopefully that will help me get more water in while I’m working (that’s been one of the toughest times for me to hydrate).

Even though I’m having these setbacks, acknowledging them is a major step. And stopping my bad habits before I get back to my before weight is progress too. The water issue seems easier for me to fix than the food one. But I’m really hoping that I can slowly get back on track soon.

Maybe all these setbacks and needing to get back on track moments aren’t really setbacks. Maybe this is just what “normal” eating is like. I’ve never really experienced that so it is a foreign thing for me to deal with.

Splurging In San Diego (or Back To My Boring Food)

While I was in San Diego, I didn’t really worry about what I was eating.

The hotel that we stayed at had a full breakfast. So I ate eggs and a banana both mornings I was there (I also had a muffin one morning). Most of the other options at breakfast were carbs, and I’ve learned from experience that I do best when I have some protein at breakfast.

We didn’t really do lunch any day. I got something to eat, but it was more of a “grab what you want” sort of situation. I pretty much had leftovers from dinner or some of the banana bread that I brought down.

And for dinner, the first two nights my mom cooked. They were super delicious meals and she also made dessert. My family’s favorite dessert is her triple layer brownies (the bottom layer is the gluten-free brownie that I make). I had a brownie each night.

Triple Layer Brownies

We also went out to dinner at the restaurant in the building that my grandma lives in for the last night. That dinner is usually 3 courses, but I had to leave before dessert.

With all that eating, there was pretty much no exercise. Most of the day each day was spent in my grandma’s apartment. I really didn’t get out for a walk or anything each day. I didn’t think about the lack of exercise since I was so focused on family stuff.

That’s not the routine that I’m used to. But fortunately, I didn’t gain too much weight over the few days I was in San Diego. And as soon as I got home, I got back to my regular food.

I’m really eating pretty boring these days. But I’m ok with that. I like having a routine and a plan of what I will be eating throughout the day. I’m still working on what I want as a regular breakfast (right now it’s a multi-grain waffle with peanut butter and a banana), but I’ve got my lunch down.

At least on work days, I’m eating almost the same thing every day for lunch.

Turkey Burger Lunch

A turkey burger on top of some veggies (usually peas, corn, or broccoli). It’s a good meal to eat and I’m fortunate enough to work from home so I can make a nice lunch each day.

My dinner tends to be a rice bowl. Whether I add beans and veggies to the rice or a veggie burger, it’s usually brown rice based. I do want to work on adding more fruits and veggies to my meals, but I don’t want to force it either.

I’m sure that eventually I will get sick of this for lunch and dinner, but for now it’s working for me. And by making a majority of my days “good days”, those splurges I have occasionally don’t hurt my weight loss efforts too much.

But I am still thinking about those triple layer brownies. I wish I had one to eat today.

A Culver City Dinner (or Meeting Some Tone It Up Ladies)

I’ve been a part of the Tone It Up community for a little while. I’ve met a couple of TIU ladies through Orangetheory, but I haven’t been able to attend any of the meetups that have been going on lately. A lot of the meetups have happened either while I’m working or when I have other things that I have to go to.

So when someone mentioned online that they were new to the Culver City area and would love to do a dinner hangout, I was quick to respond that I’d love to join in!

The dinner was going to be held at The Wallace, which is only a few blocks away from my house. I was fine walking there, but I don’t walk home alone at night. So I was thinking that I would have to drive, but then one of the ladies going to dinner offered to drive me home!

Then, that morning I found out about my grandpa passing away. My first response was to want to cancel my dinner plans. But then I thought about when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. That night, I had an event to go to as well and it really did help me get through the day. So I figured I would do the same this time.

It was nice to be able to walk to dinner. It gave me time to clear my head. And it was first real walking around that I was able to get done that day (I was pretty much tied to my computer all day).

There were quite a few of us at dinner, but it was perfect! I knew a few of the ladies from before, but I got to meet a bunch of new super amazing women!

TIU CC Girls

The idea at The Wallace is that it is all small plates to share. They say maybe 2-3 plates per person. And since there were so many of us, we kind of split up into a few different groups around the table. There were 4 of us in my group who were going to share, so we checked out the menu and tried to figure out what to get for us.

The Wallace Culver City

We ended up with several plates. We got beets (which I didn’t eat because I don’t like beets), cauliflower, short rib ravioli,  and a shrimp pancake. And then the one thing that we got that I felt was mean to be was bone marrow.

Bone Marrow

I had never had bone marrow before. I never wanted to order it because if I didn’t like it, I didn’t want to be stuck with a meal I didn’t like. But my grandpa loved bone marrow. When we would go out to eat, he would always ask the waiters if there were any extra bones so he could have bone marrow. It was one of his things (like drinking martinis).

So it seemed fitting to honor my grandpa’s life by getting something that he loved so much for dinner. This particular restaurant does a very spicy topping on their bone marrow, so I didn’t love that. But it was still very delicious and made me feel like going out to dinner was the right thing to do.

Besides the yummy food, there was great conversation. There were a couple of other ladies who work in the entertainment industry, but a majority didn’t. That’s a rarity for me and I liked it. We all were chatting about various workouts that we do around town and just got to know each other.

I know that I’m really going to try to do more hangouts with the TIU group. They are all so incredible and nice and I really want to get to know those ladies more. I know that I have to miss out on a couple of different events coming up due to my schedule, but I’m really going to try to make it a priority to try to fit in one or two meetups each month with them.

The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

I’ve been having a lot of bad foods days lately.

I honestly don’t know why.

I’m stocking my fridge and pantry with a lot of the same things that I was eating during the cleanse and weight loss challenge. But I’ll go out and get “bad” foods if they aren’t in my house. And I always immediately regret the fact that I ate the “bad” foods as soon as it’s done.

This isn’t a boredom thing. It’s just the nature of my eating disorder. I almost go into a trance state when it happens. I sometimes don’t realize that I ate something until I see the empty wrapper or container in front of me. It scares me that I can lose track of time and myself and not realize it.

I have no idea why I did so well while on the cleanse and I’m having a tough time now. It really makes no sense to me. But this is a pattern that I’ve had in the past. When I’m on a food plan that has a specific end goal (like my first hip surgery or the weight loss challenge), I can do ok. But when the goal is a general one, whatever keeps me on the right path goes away.

The one big difference between now and other times when I’ve lost a decent amount of weight is that I’m still continuing with my workouts (and pushing myself more and more). Having my workout consistency is helping me with not gaining all the weight back right away. In the past, the weight came back as fast (if not faster) than I lost it.

I have gained back some. It’s less than half of what I lost, so that’s not too horrible. And my weight has held steady for the past week and a half at the amount I’ve gained back. I’m working really hard at trying to get back down to where I was (and get lower). My clothes aren’t too tight, so I know that the weight I’ve gained could be water weight. Normally when it’s “real” weight, my clothes feel tight immediately.

I’m still trying to focus on the fact that I’m still weighing less now than I was at the beginning of the year. And I’m making steps to be at a weight that I need to get to in order to consider getting my hip surgery.

I’m not sure if I’ll have another bad food moment/day in the near future. I’m really going to try to stay focused on my time and not to let time slip away. I’m continuing to plan out all my meals and hopefully with having it written out early in the day will give me something to focus (while I don’t like the idea of counting down the minutes to my next meal, it might help keep me on track).

This is all just the nature of the beast of this eating disorder. I’m aware that this post might sound odd and rambling, but that’s how it is in my head. I’m trying to focus and put all these things in order but it doesn’t seem to have an order to go to.

Vacation From Meal Planning (or Finding It Hard To Go Back)

While on my trip, I didn’t worry too much about what I was eating. I knew I’d be drinking a lot more than usual and I didn’t want to stress about counting calories. So I pretty much just entered what I had at breakfast in MyFitnessPal so I wouldn’t lose my record of how many days in a row I’ve tracked my food.

Breakfast was pretty easy. We got a free continental breakfast at the hotel so I had hard-boiled eggs, fruit, and toast. Nothing too crazy. Lunches were pretty sensible as well. I ate more bread type items because I wanted to help soak up some of the alcohol, but the portions were pretty reasonable.

And dinners were more extravagant. We went out for nice dinners the two nights we went out and I got what I wanted without worrying about calories. I had bread at dinner, enjoyed some great pasta one night, and got to enjoy a truly incredible steak (worth the wait!).

We didn’t have dessert any nights and we did some walking each day. So by the end of my trip, while the scale was up a little it wasn’t unreasonable.

My problem has been getting back on track with my food. I have been doing so well for so long, and this week has been extremely difficult for me. I’ve eaten things that I thought I’d be able to avoid and not have as temptations in my house.

I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, but this week was a crazy week. I’m working out at weird times (or at least weird for me), I’m working as second job at night, and I’ve got the film festival I work for this weekend. So I’m not able to eat on the schedule that I’ve been doing in the past. And the stress and tiredness I’ve been dealing with lowers my willpower and doesn’t allow me to make the best choices.

This weekend is going to be pretty bad food-wise. I’m working at the festival both days this weekend from about noon until 11pm. It’s at a bar, so I will be able to order something to eat for a large lunch/dinner meal (I’m thinking about eating a later breakfast and then eating something around 4pm to be it for the day). There are ok choices at the bar, but it’s still going to be food that I didn’t prepare myself. I’m looking at their menu online to try to plan things out the best that I can, knowing that things might get crazy and plans have to be flexible.

But after this weekend, I’m really hoping to get back into the groove that I was in. The big positive I’ve been trying to remind myself is that I’ve only had about a week of slip ups and my weight is still significantly down. I didn’t wait until I gained back all the weight (or all the weight plus some), before realizing that there is a problem and trying to make a change.

Finishing Up The Cleanse (or Some Lessons I’ve Learned)

If you are considering doing this cleanse, Nykki has decided to do another flash sale for my readers! Just go to her website, pick out which cleanse you want to do, and enter the promo code: LOVE 

Today is the final day of the cleanse! These 28 days have gone by super quickly, but at the same time it seems like forever ago that I started.

This past week was a breeze compared to the two weeks before. Not having to do any detox drinks or tonics made everything seem so simple. Although it was weird not having to get up all the time during work to take a shot of a tonic. I’m also glad that I’m not drinking orange juice all the time anymore. As much as I love orange juice, I don’t like drinking it all the time. Plus, it’s just extra calories in my day.

While I did make a few new dishes this week, most of my meals were pretty basic. A banana for breakfast, apples with nut butter or veggies and bean dip for lunch, and rice bowls for dinner.

I also made my new favorite meal, sautéed potatoes and onions. It’s not the prettiest dish, but it is so yummy and so filling!

IMG_4620

I think after today when I can add dairy back into my life, this dish will be improved by a scoop of greek yogurt (which I prefer over sour cream).

I’ve really loved having all my meals prepared by me so I can make them exactly how I want them. And it’s nice to see so many pretty colors in my fridge.

IMG_4619

And my plan is to keep going in a very similar way that I’ve been doing on the cleanse. I am not going to stay vegan. I feel no need for that, and I know that I need more protein in my diet to continue pushing myself in my workouts.

But I’m not going to go crazy starting tomorrow either. For a while, I said that my plan was to eat a steak on my first non-cleanse day. I’ve pretty much changed my mind on that. I will be going to a very nice steakhouse in 2 weeks with my mom and sister-in-law, and I think I can wait until then to eat a steak.

I still have about 2 weeks left in the Orangetheory weight loss challenge. And while I don’t believe that I could win the national challenge, I think that I might be able to place in it and maybe even win the local challenge. So the idea of going crazy with food right away isn’t appealing to me.

I’ve also had some “ah-ha” moments while on this cleanse (mental clarity is one of the effects of doing this cleanse). I realized that obviously I don’t have to live the rest of my life with these food restrictions. But if I keep these restrictions (or something similar to these restrictions) at home, that means I can go out and splurge on meals without it having as much of an effect on me. In the past, I’ve allowed myself cheat meals and treats at home. I really think I need to limit those and make my cheat meals out. That way there is only one serving and I don’t have to deal with any leftovers at home.

This may seem like a silly or stupid realization, but as someone who has always been all or nothing, it’s a big deal. I’m hoping that I will be able to maintain this new mindset, and with the new mindset I will continue to see results.

It’s so funny how much I learned from this cleansing process. When I went into it, I mainly did it for the weight loss (and I did lose a good amount of weight). But I really gained so much more out of it that I never could have expected.

Black Bean Dip (or Another Super Easy Dip Recipe!)

2 recipe posts in one week! Who have I become?!?

All joking aside, I needed to find another recipe that would work for my lunches. While I’ve been happy with apples and nut butter or a salad for a while, I’m looking for other options. It didn’t help that my salad the other day was ruined by almost all the vegetables having gone bad (I have no idea how that happened).

So I was trying to think of what else I could do with uncooked veggies or fruit (since that is what I eat for lunches on the cleanse). I love having dips with veggies, but most of them have ingredients that I cannot have like dairy. And while having guacamole would be amazing, I needed something with more protein.

So I did some searching on Pinterest and found this black bean dip that seemed super easy to make! It’s from Edible Perspective and it is super yummy! I might even make this when I am making dips to bring to Thanksgiving!

Super Easy (and Vegan) Black Bean Dip

What You Need:

Bean Dip Ingredients

1 garlic clove, peeled

1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed

3 tablespoons of water

2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil

1 tablespoon lime juice

1/2 teaspoon of cumin

1/4-1/2 teaspoon of salt and pepper (I had to skip this because salt and pepper are not allowed on the cleanse)

1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper

smoked paprika (optional)

What To Do:

In a food processor, pulse the garlic clove until it’s finely chopped.

Add all the other ingredients and blend until smooth. Taste and add salt/pepper/cayenne if needed.

Making Bean Dip

Refrigerate and enjoy!

Finished Bean Dip

Seriously, that’s it! It really does need the salt and it’s a little bland without it. But after this week is over I can add salt back into my diet.

I’ve seen a lot of other recipes online for black bean dip that have salsa added to it, but I don’t know if I’ll do that. But I do like the idea of adding things like onion, tomatoes, and red pepper into this mix. Again, something to try when I made this again (which will probably be this weekend!).

I ate this dip for lunch yesterday with some carrots and celery. Celery is a new vegetable in my life lately. I hated it raw for so long, but I forced myself to try it again. And with this dip (or nut butter), it isn’t so bad.

Bean Dip Lunch

I love that I’m discovering new recipes that are cleanse-friendly but also something that I can see myself making even when the cleanse is all done. It makes me think that I can keep up the weight loss that I’ve experienced on the cleanse (although most likely not at the same speed) even after I’m done. The more healthy options I know how to make myself, the better!

Vegan Portabella Mushroom Pizza (or Testing Out A New Recipe)

I’ve been eating a lot of the same things for dinner while on the cleanse. While it’s great because I’m getting the right number of calories and nutrients, I know that I can’t keep this up for forever.

I’ve tried doing a little experimenting with my food and it’s all been pretty successful. But I wanted to get out of my comfort zone.

I had seen portabella mushroom pizzas on Pinterest a lot, but I’ve never been motivated enough to try them. I had to make them with soy-free vegan cheese (made from peas) to make this cleanse-friendly. But I will totally make this again with real cheese!

Portabella Mushroom Pizza

What you need:

Mushroom Pizza Ingredients

Portabella mushroom caps

Pizza or marinara sauce

Cheese

Whatever toppings you like (I had olives, onions, garlic, and spinach)

What to do:

Preheat your oven to about 375.

Clean and prep the mushroom. Clean off the outside with a damp cloth and then remove the stem and gills from the inside. I used a spoon and it worked pretty well.

Step 1

Put the mushrooms on a foil-lined baking sheet. I saw online that by making little cups for the mushrooms to sit on, they wouldn’t get as soggy.

Step 2

Take some of the pizza or marinara sauce and spread it on the mushroom.

Step 3

Cover the sauce with the cheese and then add your toppings.

Step 4 Step 5

Once the oven is at the correct temperature, stick them in to bake. I kept mine in about 15 minutes and I think they could have used a bit more time. But a good judge is once the cheese is browning and bubbly, it’s ready.

Step 6

I made a few decisions with my pizzas that could be considered mistakes (too much sauce, not enough toppings, not baking them enough), but honestly it was still very yummy! With a few adjustments, this recipe will definitely be in a regular rotation at my house.

I’m still so shocked that I’ve gone from never really cooking to cooking every day (and making up my own recipes!). This is such a positive change in my life and I’m looking forward to continuing it even after the cleanse is done this week.

The End Of The Cleanse Tonics (or Time To Start The Transition Back)

It’s almost the end of the 3rd week of the cleanse! As this post goes up, I have just today left on the 3rd week. Then I go back to a schedule very similar to the first week, which means no more tonics or detox drinks.

I really have not minded the detox drinks at all. The stuff I put into them have pretty much no flavor, so they just taste like the orange juice I put in it. The tonics, on the other hand, have extremely strong flavors. Maybe if I loved those strong flavors, it would have been a bit easier. But I managed to drink all the tonics without having issues by holding my nose (therefore not being able to taste them).

While of course I’m loving the weight that I’ve lost so far, I’m even enjoying the other results I’m getting more. I’m having an easier time falling asleep and I have had more energy in the morning. And I’m experience a mental clarity that I don’t know I’ve ever had before. It’s almost like I had smeared glasses on before and now they are clean. Things just seem so obvious and simple to me now when before I might get overwhelmed by them.

I’ve been able to be more proactive in getting things done including errands and chores I’ve been putting off and scheduling doctor’s appointments that I’ve been worried about. I already have an appointment with a new potential hip surgeon next month and I’m working on meeting with a doctor regarding the new medication for binge eating.

I’m also loving that my groceries have been much cheaper than usual. I think that this is due to the lack of dairy and meat, so the reduced price won’t last forever. But if I reduce the meat/dairy that I bring back into my life (or at least into the thing that I cook at home), I can keep my weekly grocery spending down. But as an example, this week, I spent just over $30 on groceries for the entire week! I used to spend closer to $80!

Plus, my grocery cart looks so nice and colorful now!

TJ Grocery Cart

I do eat pretty repetitive foods (I guess that would be a food rut), but I’m not bored with them yet. And I did make my hash brown like potatoes with onions the other night. Potatoes are allowed on the cleanse but only in limited amounts. So I’ll probably make this again next week, but I can’t make it again this week.

Now that I’m going to start the transition phase for the next week, I’m planning ahead to what I want to eat when I’m done with the cleanse. I’m going to work really hard to maintain the cleanse plan for next week, but it might be a bit tough.

I will be going to an event on Monday evening where I really can’t bring my own food. I’m hoping to eat an early dinner and maybe I won’t get hungry there. And I’m supposed to start my new temp job next week which will have me at work during dinner time for Tuesday and Thursday. So I can see potential issues coming up for me, but I’m hoping that I’ve learned enough by now that I will be able to get through them with few issues. The event on Monday is a one-time thing and the temp job is supposed to only last 2 or 3 weeks. Then I’m back to my usual schedule.

I’m getting excited to being able to add back in some foods that I’ve missed (like eggs, cheese, and Greek yogurt), but I’m also excited to see how closely I can maintain my plan as it is now since I’m getting such great results!