Category Archives: Weight Loss

A Year Of A Medication (or It’s Been A Lot Of Good And Some Bad)

Posted on October 11, 2023 | Comments Off on A Year Of A Medication (or It’s Been A Lot Of Good And Some Bad)

About a year ago, I had my first appointment with a doctor in bariatric medicine. I went into that appointment with a specific concern in mind and really was worried that the doctor would either suggest other options for me that I didn’t want to do or that they would dismiss what I had to say. I was shocked when I was at that appointment and it went exactly how I hoped it would. I was terrified to start a medication that I would have to inject into myself, but I was also really hopeful for what it could mean for me and my future.

It hasn’t been an easy year and I knew this medication wouldn’t be a miracle for me and that I would still have to work at losing weight and there may be some tough side effects to get through. I also had to overcome my issues with needles and I knew that would be a big challenge. My first few injections were pretty bad for me. I did pass out with them in the beginning, but I took measures to make sure that I was safe such as doing them while laying down so I couldn’t get hurt when I passed out. I had a lot of bad side effects from the beginning that I had to learn how to manage. Some of these side effects disappeared after a few weeks or after I had a bit of time at a new dosage. A lot of these side effects are still things I have to deal with now. But after a year, I have gotten used to many of them and they aren’t all as bad as they were when I started.

The main side effect I still deal with almost weekly is nausea. This is something that can vary each week, and I think there are a lot of factors that make things better or worse for me. I know I don’t inject the medication in the exact same spot on each side each time, and I feel like some spots are better for me than others. I just haven’t figured out the pattern of what are the good spots to use so I just have to see how I feel each week. And when I’m dealing with other nausea, the nausea I have as a side effect is amplified. It’s not ideal, but considering the good that I’m getting out of this medication, it’s worth it.

And I have been getting good out of it. I’m not losing weight at the same rate that I was at the beginning, and that’s a bit hard to accept. But I’m still losing weight. I don’t know why it’s as slow as it is now (sometimes it’s only half a pound a month), but I’m glad things are going in the right direction. And based on what this medication is supposed to help with, I have hit the goal percentage of weight loss already. That doesn’t mean I’m stopping, but I know that I’m considered a success story with how things have gone for me.

But beyond weight loss, the best thing for me has been my relationship with food. It’s so hard to explain food noise to someone who hasn’t dealt with it before, but it’s almost like an obsession with food even if you are eating healthy or the right portions. You can wake up and spend your morning planning your meals for the day to make sure it’s exactly what you want. Now, I still have some of those feelings and thoughts but they aren’t as often or as overwhelming. I don’t necessarily think about what I want to have for dinner until it’s almost time to eat. I do have to remember to eat occasionally, especially at lunchtime, but it’s nice to not have food such a focus in my mind.

I know that this medication is controversial and some people don’t believe that people should take it for weight loss, but I’m so grateful that I have been allowed to do so. I haven’t changed many of my food or exercise habits in this past year, but the way that my body is reacting is different. I have known for a while that the simple concept of calories in calories out hasn’t really worked for me. Even when I’m tracking things perfectly, my body doesn’t react the way it should. But now, things seem to be more aligned with what is considered normal. I also know that not everyone would agree that the side effects I’ve been dealing with have been worth it, but that’s a personal decision and some people will be ok with certain side effects more than others. I’m glad that I have been ok with the few negatives that I’ve experienced because this isn’t a short-term plan. I don’t know if I’ll be on this forever, but maybe I will and I’ve had to be ok with that.

It’s been a bit of a crazy year between side effects, medication shortages, positive progress, overcoming my issues with needles, and everything else that I have gone through. But I’m in such a better place than I was a year ago and I’m hoping that things will continue in the right direction for me in the next year and I’ll still be happy with how things look a year from now.

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Another Easy Phone Appointment (or Sticking With The Same Plan For Now)

Posted on June 14, 2023 | Comments Off on Another Easy Phone Appointment (or Sticking With The Same Plan For Now)

I’ve been lucky that a lot of the doctor appointments I have can be handled either over the phone or through a video call. It’s so much easier not to go to the hospital for an appointment and work things around my work schedule. I know that not all appointments can be this way, but I’m always grateful when they can be since they end up being a much smaller part of my day.

My most recent doctor appointment on the phone was with my doctor in bariatric medicine. It has been a while since I’ve had an appointment, but there also hasn’t been much to say about the medication that I’m on. I have noticed a difference in how food relates to my life. I’m not struggling to eat as much as I did when I started the injections, but I also still have to be careful with food since it can make me sick. It’s a balance I have worked on figuring out and I think I’m in a good spot with that. I do still have side effects and those can be annoying, but compared to what others report, I know that I’m not having as difficult of a time as many people do.

The best thing about this medication has been something I wasn’t expecting. I don’t know how else to explain it, but the noise in my brain about food has quieted down a lot. I know I’ve shared this before, but this has been a change that has helped me mentally more than I thought it would. It’s not perfect or a miracle, but it has been a huge positive change in my life. As far as weight loss goes, things have stalled a bit. I am grateful that I haven’t started to gain weight and I have lost a little bit more, but it’s not what it was the first few months.

I knew that I wanted to bring up some of my concerns in my appointment, but I also knew that this could just be what things will be like. And I’m so glad that my doctor was very cool with just hearing me out and hearing my positive and negative thoughts. She agreed that I’m doing all the right things and that I am seeing success, and I agree with her. It might not be success the way I wanted to see it, but it is working. But she also understood my frustration, especially since what I’m experiencing now is similar to what I felt before I started the medication with my struggle to lose weight. We did discuss what some number goals should be in my head, but they are very broad so I’m not focused on a goal that may not be possible for me. And we did discuss if I should increase my dosage to see if that will kickstart things for me again.

But there are things to consider about increasing the dosage. First, there is only one dose higher than what I’m on. So if I increase it and then it stops working, there’s no higher dose that I can take. And since I’m still seeing success, it might not be the right time for me to go to the highest dose. Also, because the higher dose would be doubling what I’m taking now, I might get some significant side effects. My doctor does believe that they would level off, especially with how I’m doing with the side effects now. But I do remember how difficult the first few weeks were for me and the side effects I had then that I finally got over.

I was on the phone with my doctor a lot longer than I expected. Usually, phone appointments seem to be maybe 10 minutes long. This time, we talked for almost 25 minutes. And in the end, we agreed that right now is not the right time for me to increase the dosage. I may not see a lot of results right now, but they should be happening in time. Even just losing a little bit of weight over a few months is better than nothing. I haven’t been on this medication for a year yet, so increasing it to the highest dosage might be a bit premature. If I was insisting that I felt like I needed to increase it, I think my doctor would have supported it. But I’m not in a rush to get the results that I know will come eventually. And this could just be a simple plateau and I might break out of it without having to change the dosage. So I’m ok with giving things a bit more time and reevaluating the situation when I have my next appointment in a few months.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect out of this appointment since I had a few concerns I wanted to address, but I feel good about how the call ended and what the plan is for now. And the most important thing to me is that I felt heard by my doctor. My concerns weren’t dismissed. I wasn’t told I wasn’t trying hard enough. She listened to me and made me feel like we were a team with a plan moving forward. And I think because of that feeling, I think I feel more positive about what the plan is moving ahead and what the next steps might be. And I guess I’ll have to see when I have my next appointment if things will change or if I’m seeing more success with my efforts.

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Another Medication Shortage (or I’m Feeling More Calm This Time)

Posted on February 15, 2023 | 1 comment

I’ve recently dealt with a few different medication shortages. I understand if I’m taking something that a lot of other people are taking, this can happen. I don’t understand why the manufacturer didn’t plan for something like this because they should have realized when a medication is approved for something that affects so many people that they would have increased interest. But there are a lot of things about the medical community that I don’t understand and that I believe are done more about profit than healthcare.

Every time I’ve had a medication shortage, it does get resolved in one way or another. Sometimes it means I have to miss a week or so of medication and sometimes the medication is back in stock before I run out so I just have to pick it up at the last minute but I’m not missing a dosage. There’s nothing I can do to change the situation. I order a refill as soon as I can (which is usually a week before I run out) and I pick up my medication when it’s available. Sometimes it’s on time and sometimes it’s not. But I don’t stockpile or do anything else that could make a shortage worse. I just take things as planned.

With my injectable medication, the first time I had experienced a shortage things stressed me out. In the end, my dosage was increased early so I could get a refill sooner, and that brought some other issues for me but in the end, I’m glad that’s how it worked out. But not knowing what was going to happen made me worry and I didn’t know how my body might react when I missed a dose, especially since it was a new medication for me. I don’t know exactly how I reacted since when I started it up again, my dosage was higher and those side effects were intense.

The next shortage I had with that medication ended up not affecting anything because I was able to pick it up right before my next dose was supposed to be so I never missed anything. I was a bit worried about what would happen if I had to take another week off, but I’m glad I didn’t have to experience that. I had no idea how long the shortage would take since all I could find out was that it was out of stock, so it was a big relief when I got the text alert that it was ready for me to pick up and I could go that same day.

I ordered my next refill this past weekend because I knew my last injection with my current pen would be on Monday this week. Originally, the system said it would be available to pick up mid-week, but then I got an alert that they are experiencing another shortage. I have no idea if this shortage will be resolved before I am supposed to take my next dose on Monday or if I’ll end up missing a week again. But for whatever reason, I’m feeling much more relaxed about the situation this time.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been noticing the medication working more and more. I’m not experiencing as many side effects which is nice too. Even though it is working, I’m not worried about maybe missing a dose. I know that I will pick things back up as soon as I can if I can’t take it this coming Monday and I don’t have any reason to believe that it won’t continue to work. Maybe the stress in the past was because I wasn’t experiencing all of the positive outcomes yet and the stress was also about worrying if this was the right thing for me to take or not. But now, I know I’m doing the right thing and that I will just continue doing it as soon as I’m able to.

I hope that this shortage isn’t something I have to deal with every time I get a refill, but I know it might be like this for a while. The company that makes it hasn’t really increased how much they can make and more and more people are being prescribed this. Fortunately, it’s not a medication that anyone needs to stay alive, but it is something that helps so much and it’s unfortunate when you don’t have that help, even if it’s temporary. But all I can do is continue to try my best with the other things I have been doing and know that as soon as I can get my refill I’ll be back on track with things again.

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A Follow-Up With A New Doctor (or I’m Just Going To Keep Doing What I’m Doing)

Posted on January 10, 2023 | Comments Off on A Follow-Up With A New Doctor (or I’m Just Going To Keep Doing What I’m Doing)

A few months ago, I had my first appointment with a doctor in bariatric medicine. That appointment went as well as I could have hoped and that’s when I started the new injectable medication I’m on. I felt so lucky that the doctor I met with understood where I was coming from and wasn’t trying to push other options, such as having surgery. I was nervous going into that appointment because I knew I might have to do some additional steps to try the options I wanted to try. But when that wasn’t the case, I knew that I would have the best chance to test this out. When I left that appointment, I knew my next follow-up would be a few months later to see how things were going.

And since that appointment, I think things have gone pretty well. I have been dealing with side effects and I had to deal with a medication shortage, but I am seeing results and I know that this is giving me the chance that I’ve been wanting. So I was expecting that when I had my follow-up with my doctor, things would go just as well as the initial appointment. But when I got the call to schedule my follow-up, I learned that the doctor I had seen before wasn’t there anymore and I would be talking to a new doctor.

Even though I had such a good first appointment, I was nervous again about what this new doctor might say. You never know how they might feel about progress or different medications. But I tried to just hope for the best and remind myself that this was another doctor in bariatric medicine so they likely had a lot of patients like me and it wasn’t like my case was an oddity. And I knew that having it be a phone appointment would hopefully be a bit less pressure and easygoing.

I’m so glad that my fears were wrong and everything went just as well with this new doctor as it did with the first. We did discuss the side effects I’ve been having and how it might still take some time before they really get better. Although I have been doing my injections in a different location and it seems to be making things easier for me, so that was helpful. And this new doctor seemed fine with me doing the injections in my leg instead of my stomach as long as I was still following the recommendations in the instruction packet. And even though I haven’t had insane results, I have been seeing results and that’s what matters the most. The first week I was on this, I had a lot of change, but I knew that wouldn’t be sustainable. Since then, it’s been a lot slower but it has been steady and that’s what my new doctor was happy about. There is a higher dosage I could take, but since I’m seeing results with the dosage I’m on, there’s no need for me to change things yet. Possibly in the future I would need to, but I’m not going to worry about that until that time comes.

And the new doctor said that could still be a chance I have to deal with medication shortages, but that hopefully if that happens they can be resolved as quickly as possible so I don’t have to miss too many weeks. If it becomes a bigger issue, I feel comfortable enough messaging this doctor and asking what the best options would be for me. But I hope that the medication company understands that there is a high demand for this and they will continue to increase production.

My follow-up appointment ended with us deciding that in a few months, I’ll have another follow-up. I don’t know if that next one will be another phone appointment or if it will be in person. I guess when they call to schedule it I will find out. And hopefully over the next few months before I have that next follow-up, things will continue to go as well or better than they have these last few months.

I know this medication isn’t a miracle drug and that I still have to put in the work myself, but it’s helping in a way that nothing else I’ve tried has. I’m so grateful that my first doctor allowed me to try it out and that this new doctor is going to let me continue with it so I can see even more results in the future.

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A Few Weeks With The New Medication (or I’m Hoping I Continue To See Progress)

Posted on November 4, 2022 | Comments Off on A Few Weeks With The New Medication (or I’m Hoping I Continue To See Progress)

It’s almost been a month since I had my appointment with the doctor in bariatric medicine and got put on a new medication. This was a medication I was interested in and one of the main reasons I made the appointment. However, I was nervous about it since I knew it was an injectable and I know how much I hate getting shots. But since it could be something that would help me, I was willing to try. And I’m very glad that when I went to that appointment, the doctor I met with agreed and I started the new medication that day.

Since I started the shots that day and they are once a week, I did my fourth one this past Monday. And the way the medication is set up, you have to work up to what is considered a therapeutic dosage. You start at a very low dose for 4 weeks before increasing to a higher dose. And you don’t get to the therapeutic dosage until 8 or 10 weeks in. So I have only done the lowest dose so far and I will be switching to the next level when I do my shot this Monday. I know that because this medication, or ones that are like it, are being advertised a lot on tv that a lot of people are curious about it. So I thought that I would share my thoughts and feelings on how this has gone for me so far.

I’ve tried many different medications in the past for either weight loss or my eating disorder. I know that none of the things I have taken are a miracle cure and that they have always been tools that can help me with the effort that I’m making on my own. And while I would love to not have to try, I understand that I can’t just rely on medication to do the work for me. Fortunately, I have been doing a lot of the right things already. I didn’t need to worry about adding in exercise since I’m at Orangetheory 4 mornings a week. I know that my eating isn’t great, but it’s much better than it has been in the past. And I have felt for a long time that if other people were doing what I have been doing, they would see results. But I know that my metabolism has been off for a long time and I have wondered if it’s gotten worse over time and that’s why I haven’t seen a lot of change.

And so far, I can say that with this new medication, I do notice some changes. And I’ll start with the positives. I haven’t been as focused on food as I have in the past. I know that other medications were supposed to do the same thing for me, but maybe I have needed the combination of them in order to get that feeling. I do still have moments where the desire to binge eat happens, but it’s less frequent than I can ever remember. I’m also not eating as much at each meal as I did before. I know that this new medication slows down digestion, so you feel full sooner. And I do notice that.

But feeling full sooner isn’t always a good thing. I’m not great at eating lots of little meals, but I think I need to try to do that or add snacks to my day. I can eat too fast and that makes things very uncomfortable. I haven’t had some of the more severe reactions to eating too quickly or too much, but I have felt pain when I haven’t done the right things. I also know that my blood sugar is probably very low now. This new medication does lower your blood sugar (it was originally for diabetics) and that really affects me throughout the day. It’s a struggle to work out in the morning, and I’m working on finding the best things to have before a workout in order to not feel lightheaded or shaky. I’ve been drinking juice, but I think I might need to eat something more substantial before going to class. I just need to find the balance of what will make me feel ok but not sick when working out. I don’t like to eat before a workout, but I will just have to be flexible with that idea and do what is best for me and allows me to push myself as much as possible in class. And the main side effect that I’ve experienced has been nausea, but I also know that can be due to other things in my life so I’m not sure how much is from this new medication. I know that when I do the shots, I feel worse for a few hours, so I know some of it is from this. But it’s not nearly as bad as what I deal with normally each month.

Even though I’m not on the therapeutic dosage yet, I have seen results. The first week I had a pretty significant weight loss. It was about 5% of the weight I want to lose. That’s a lot, but I also knew that the first week or so of any new medication or eating program can cause a lot of weight loss right away. I haven’t lost a lot of weight since that first week, but I have seen very small changes. I’m trying to not weigh myself too much since there are so many things that can cause fluctuations in my weight, but it is reassuring sometimes that I’m still making progress. Even if it’s not fast, it’s something. And if I lose a pound or so a week, that’s still going to add up to a lot. So I’m hoping that I’ll continue to see this type of progress, especially as I work up toward the therapeutic dosage.

As much as I hate shots, I’m lucky that injecting myself with this new medication hasn’t been as much of a struggle as I feared. It’s still not easy, but it’s tolerable. And I think seeing the results I’ve had so far has been good motivation to keep going. So after 4 weeks of this, I have to say that I’m glad that I am trying this. I think it was the right step for me to take and even with some of the negative side effects I don’t have any regrets yet. And I hope that’s how I continue to feel as I keep going and that it will be the tool that I have been needing to work toward recovery.

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Letting Go Of The Old Me (or This Was Very Overdue)

Posted on November 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Letting Go Of The Old Me (or This Was Very Overdue)

For quite some time, I have said I needed to go through my closet and dresser and get rid of clothes I don’t wear anymore. I also needed to see what things might have holes or other things that needed to be repaired so I could decide if they should be tossed or fixed. I’ve gone through my clothes from time to time and have gotten rid of a lot that was just taking up space, but I know I need to do more work with this because there are things that I’m convincing myself I will wear again.

But there is one part of my wardrobe that I didn’t look at any time I did a closet clean. I think a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight do this, but I had a small collection of my favorite skinny clothes. This wasn’t in my closet but in a storage bag under my bed. So I didn’t have to look at them and be reminded of my skinny clothes that often, but I always knew they were there.

When I lost weight, I was more than happy to get clothes that fit me better. I would try smaller sizes as soon as my current clothes felt even a little baggy. When I gained weight, I held on to those smaller sizes until it was painful to wear them anymore and then I would size up. I haven’t been my skinny size in well over a decade, but for some reason, I still held on to my favorite pieces.

So the other day, when I was doing a big clean to really look at what I want to move and what I don’t need, I decided to finally open up those storage bags and see what I could get rid of. Most of the items in there were things I kept for sentimental reasons. There was one thing that wasn’t skinny clothes, but only sentimental. I had my high school prom dress in that storage bag. I did like my prom dress, but it wasn’t like it was a dream dress or anything. I struggled to find something in my size but I was glad I found something that fit me and was pretty. I only wore it one other time for a costume party, but I was holding on to it. And I figured it was time to let it go so it went into the pile of things to get rid of (which was going to be donated).

And then I started going through the rest of the clothing from the bag. I had 2 pairs of jeans that were the smallest jeans I wore as an adult and they really fit me well when I was that size. I had a few different dresses that I kept for random reasons. One was a cocktail dress that I lucked into finding and wore quite a bit when I was that size. Another I never wore but I bought because it fit perfectly, was a color I loved, and was on clearance when I found it. The only way I knew it was on clearance was because the tags were still on it. I also had a few different shirts that were a mix of fancy dress shirts and silly t-shirts that reminded me of something specific. I thought I had a lot more in that storage bag, but it was under a dozen things.

I thought about keeping a few of my favorites, but honestly, there isn’t really a good reason to do that. I will have more closet space at my new place, but I don’t need to hold onto these things. Even if I fit into them again, they aren’t really in style or my taste anymore. And while they do remind me of a good time when I felt much better about my body than I do now, I don’t need to be reminded of what I used to have. I try not to think about how my life might be different if I never gained weight again. And looking at that clothing did make me wonder about the alternative life I could have had. And while my life would likely be different if I was still skinny, I have no way to know if it would be better than my current life. So I’m choosing not to think like that too much. And the easiest way to do that is to not have any of my skinny clothes in my house anymore.

It was a little tough to get rid of things I have held onto for over a decade, but I did feel a sense of relief when they were gone. I don’t have a reminder of the old me anymore and I don’t need to reflect on my past in terms of my body, weight, or size. I know that I have some clothes in my closet now that probably don’t fit and are the wrong size, but they are things that might just be a size or two off. So I’ll need to do a day where I try on what I own and consider getting rid of what I don’t want to hold onto even if it’s almost the right size.

One day, I might be that skinny size again and I’ll need to buy clothes if that happens. But for now, I want to focus on my size right now and make sure I have clothes that fit who I am now and not who I used to be or who I might be in the future.

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Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Posted on January 21, 2020 | Comments Off on Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Yesterday, Orangetheory kicked off their transformation challenge. I’ve done the transformation challenge several times, and I’ve even got second in one! I like how OTF does the challenge because it’s not based on total weight loss but the percentage of weight loss. So it’s a bit fairer for everyone who is doing it no matter how much weight they are looking to lose.

OTF doesn’t focus on weight loss other than doing these challenges. The focus on the workouts is about getting stronger and being healthier. I like that that’s what the focus is because I think I would be getting frustrated if the focus was more on weight. My weight fluctuates so much throughout a month so the number on the scale can be annoying. But seeing that I can lift heavier weights is something that I take pride in and see a more linear path. But I know that so many people (myself included) do work out so that they can lose weight. But it’s just not the main focus for me anymore.

Between my fluctuations each week and me still trying to recover from my eating disorder, my weight journey is just crazy right now. For example, I gained about 15 pounds right before I had my period last time and it slowly came off over a week. That’s not too weird for me, but I know it’s weird. And I have been working on not getting down on myself when it happens because I’m always worried that the gain was due to food and not hormones. And even though I haven’t really been able to lose any weight recently, I know that I’m smaller than I was a few months ago. I know people say that muscle weighs more than fat, and I’m guessing that’s what happened, but it’s still a hard thing to believe in my head.

So for me, weight isn’t really something I’m trying to think about. I do have a scale so I can check in with myself or keep myself accountable or realistic when I need to, but I’m not obsessed with the scale as I used to be. When my last scale broke, I didn’t even think about replacing it for almost a month. And I didn’t care what scale I bought, even though in the past it has caused me to almost have a panic attack when I’ve had to get a new scale. It’s really nice to have that stress out of my life. I do still worry about weight from time to time, but it doesn’t control my thoughts as it did before.

I’m not sure what brought this change to me, but I think it has to do with struggling for so long to try to lose weight and not see any results. I have wanted to give up so many times on trying, but at the same time, I know that I have to continue to make good changes in my life as I am right now. Even if the number on the scale doesn’t go down, I know I am living a healthier lifestyle than I was before. And being healthier is what I need to focus on, even if my appearance doesn’t make it look like I’m doing that.

Because of my current thoughts about weight and weight loss, I didn’t even think about doing the transformation challenge. I love what the challenge is about and if I was in a different headspace I would do it. But right now, I know signing up for the challenge isn’t because I think I could win or that my weight would be any different at the end. I would basically be signing up to prove that my weight fluctuations are still there and that it doesn’t matter. And I don’t need to do that for myself.

I know some people use the challenge as a way to motivate them to go at least 3 days a week to OTF. If I needed that motivation, I think that would be a great way to get into a regular workout schedule. But I’m already going 4 days a week almost every week, so I don’t need the challenge to push me to do that. And I’m sure for most people, the prizes are enough motivation to make major lifestyle changes that can last beyond the challenge. But for me, that doesn’t work and I have felt bad when I did make a change for the challenge that I couldn’t maintain.

I am super excited for all my friends who are doing the transformation challenge and I’m going to be cheering them on to win. But for me, I just didn’t see a reason to sign up considering what my life is like right now. I didn’t feel guilty or bad about not doing it, I just have come to the realization that this type of challenge isn’t right for me right now. But maybe in the future, I will be in a better place with my eating disorder and my weight and I will sign up for a challenge and win!

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Default ThumbnailWeight Loss Challenge Time (or Not Worrying About Winning) Default ThumbnailAnother Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailIt’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself) Default ThumbnailDoing A Transformation Challenge (or Maybe I Need To Change Things Up) Default ThumbnailGuess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects) Default ThumbnailGetting Weighed In (or A New Orangetheory Challenge)

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Posted in Fitness, Health, Weight Loss

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Failing And Succeeding In One Monthly Challenge (or Another Repeat Challenge This Month)

Posted on April 2, 2019 | Comments Off on Failing And Succeeding In One Monthly Challenge (or Another Repeat Challenge This Month)

Last month, I decided my monthly challenge would be all about skin care. While I have been good about taking care of the skin on my face, I knew I could be doing a lot more work with the skin on my body. The idea was to discover some new things that I could do to help my skin, but the main thing I wanted to do was to work on dry brushing.

Well, I totally failed at dry brushing. I did it a few times, but it just didn’t really work for me. So many times when I’m taking a shower it’s right after a workout. My skin is still damp with sweat and I don’t want to have to dry off the sweat before jumping into the shower. I tried to do it the times I shower when it’s not immediately after a workout, but I didn’t see a benefit from it. I’m not giving up on it, but I know that this part of my skincare plan was a total fail.

But I wouldn’t consider this past challenge a fail because I did discover a few amazing things that have been helping me a lot with skincare. And the new things I figured out have been things that I’ve been doing every day.

First, I stopped using a regular loofah. I’ve been using a loofah poof for as long as I can remember for my body wash. I don’t like using a washcloth or my hands for body soap. A loofah was the best option I knew of. But then when I was in Catalina, my aunt was telling me about exfoliating bath sheets. I had never heard of these before but they seemed like a great upgrade. First, they dry so much faster than a loofah poof which helps to make them not as gross. But you can also scrub your back much easier since it’s a long rectangle. As soon as I got home I got one and I’ve been using it ever since! I feel like I’m getting my skin so much cleaner.

Another thing I discovered was wet skin lotion. I’ve tried in-shower lotions before, but I never liked them. You washed them off your skin so I felt like they were just being wasted. And they always made my shower or tub so slippery. But wet skin lotions are different. You do put them on while in the shower, but after the water is turned off. You apply it just like regular lotion but your skin doesn’t have to be dry. I have found this makes my skin feel much more moisturized and I dry off so much faster! I still use my regular lotion other times during the day, but I know putting this one on right after my shower is the best option for keeping my skin feeling soft.

So while I didn’t succeed at what I planned to do with my skincare, I still succeeded. And I want to take the idea into this month’s challenge. This month, I am challenging myself to be much more accurate in tracking various things in my life. And all of those things are things I’ve had as previous monthly challenges.

This is a combination of a few things. As I mentioned recently, I restarted my budget and I’m working on getting everything set up. It’s pretty much there, but I have to get back into my habit of tracking my money the way I used to. I was getting lazy before and I need to be accurate again in order to make budgeting work. I also have been slacking on tracking my weight and food intake. Both of these things can be an act of defiance, but I see them as more avoiding things. And I’m not always avoiding bad things. I wasn’t tracking my weight when I knew it was going down because I was scared how I would react if I lost more or less than I expected. And with food intake, when I have a very low calorie day for whatever reason, I don’t want to see that and get scared that either I need to force myself to eat or that this is going to cause me to binge later.

I’m not as worried about tracking my money because I feel much less emotion with that. But tracking my weight and food intake will be tough challenges for me to do. I already know I failed at being perfect because yesterday I wasn’t accurate (I was having a horrible nausea day and food was more about trying to see what would make me feel better and not thinking about what I’m eating).

But as I learned last month, just because I started as a fail doesn’t mean I can’t end as a success.

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Default ThumbnailA New/Old Challenge (or Using An Idea From Therapy This Month) Default ThumbnailNot Perfect This Month (or Challenged With The Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Check-In (or Doing My Own Version Of An OTF Challenge This Month) Default ThumbnailTaking A Month To Reset (or This Doesn’t Really Feel Like A Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like Every Monthly Challenge Is The Same (or Will This Be The Month I Get Back On Track?) Default ThumbnailTime For Some Planning (or Trying A Challenge Again This Month)

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Posted in Beauty, Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Weight Loss

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Another Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

Posted on February 7, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

Things have changed a few times for me since I started back in therapy. With my old therapist, my appointments started much more frequent but eventually went to twice a year. But those appointments were always in person and that’s what I expected them to be. When I got my new therapist, she offered the option to do virtual appointments. I’ve done a phone appointment with her before and that worked really well for me. I’m not doing therapy now to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it. I know what my issues are and I know the steps I need to take. It’s more about implementing those ideas now. My appointments are check-ins that are almost exclusively about my medication.

When I did my last appointment over the phone, my therapist let me know that at least once a year she has to be able to see me for an appointment. That can mean a regular in person appointment, but it can also be a video chat appointment. We both agreed that a video appointment would be best as it’s easiest and we knew the check-in wasn’t anything too serious.

I’m very happy with these alternative appointment options. First, it seems like those appointments are free (I know the phone one was, and I haven’t gotten a bill or anything for the video one) which is nice considering the regular appointments are about $80. I also get to save money on parking because there are no good free parking options by the office so I have to pay to use their parking lot. And these appointments are much faster for me since I don’t have to drive over there and wait for my appointment time.

This video chat appointment was my first time using the Kaiser video system. I was planning on using it on my computer, however the versions of different web browsers I have are too good for the system (I was shocked that the web browsers had to be 2 versions older than what I use). But I was able to use the video chat through the Kaiser app on my phone. It felt a bit like a Skype call when I was looking at the screen getting things set up.

I was logged in and ready to go 10 minutes before my appointment, so I set my phone down next to me and did some work while I waited for my therapist to log in. I figured it wouldn’t be right at my appointment time, but it was only a few minutes after which is much better than most in-person appointments are.

As expected, the check-in was pretty basic. She asked me if I was doing ok on my current dosage, which I am. I shared some issues I have been having such as sometimes taking it a bit too late if I’m having a lazy morning (I’m working on not doing that and if I have a lazy morning at least get up to take my meds early). I also shared how I think taking both pills in the morning is helping my anxiety because I’m not worried about remembering to take my dose in the middle of the day. I’m much happier with all my medication in the morning and I find that it is working just as well as it was when I was splitting them up. It’s still not a miracle medication and I do struggle from time to time, but that’s normal and expected.

I think my therapist was pretty happy with everything I was saying. I know that she doesn’t usually prescribe Vyvanse because she hasn’t seen a lot of success with it, and I know that I really am not a success story yet. I wish that my weight was down more than it is right now and I know that she was expecting that too. So she brought up the idea of adding other medications that might help with both weight loss and mental health.

I would love to be on something that would make me lose weight. But I am also hesitant to add anything else to my routine that is a mood stabilizer. I am having the least amount of anxiety and panic in my life that I can remember and I don’t want to mess that up. I know that my anxiety should have gotten worse, but for some reason it got better for me. And I don’t know what adding another medication may do to that.

I told my therapist exactly that and explained that I really don’t know if I want to try anything new. She really thinks it would be beneficial for me, but she agrees that if I’m not feeling on board with the idea that we shouldn’t do it now. But she gave me the name of the medication so I can do some research on my own and I can go into my next appointment with her understanding more about the medication so we can talk about it more. I know that some of my hesitation was not knowing anything about the medication and wondering about it, so having time to do some research will probably help. And I’m guessing if she still feels like it would benefit me when I see her again, that I’ll agree to go on it.

But for now, everything is staying the same with my plan. I am not changing any medication and I need to keep working on what I’ve been working on. I haven’t made all the changes I should have, but I am trying to get there and that’s the path I need to keep going down. And most likely in 6 months when I have my next appointment, there will be some changes made. But at least I know what is coming up and I can prepare for it.

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Default ThumbnailIn Person Therapy (or Changing Some Things Up) Default ThumbnailBack To Back Doctor Days (or At Least This Was A Virtual Appointment) Default ThumbnailFollowing My Doctor’s Instructions (or Days Off From Vyvanse) Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier) Default ThumbnailSome More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication)

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Food Scheduling (or Trying Out New Things)

Posted on May 31, 2018 | Comments Off on Food Scheduling (or Trying Out New Things)

I’ve written about it so many times on here, but food issues are my biggest ones. It’s been a lifelong struggle and I’m guessing that it will be something I struggle with the rest of my life. I do hope that it will get easier for me one day, but I’m realistic in the idea that this will never go away completely.

I’ve struggled with what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat. And when I started taking Vyvnase, the struggle of when to eat became bigger than ever. When I started taking it, I could go a very long time without remembering to eat and then it would backfire. I would realize that it was already dinnertime and I was starving. Forgetting to eat was a new issue for me and I really didn’t expect it to happen. So planning to remember to eat became very important to me.

For the past year or so, I’ve had an alarm to go off to remind me to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it’s been very useful, especially to remember to eat lunch when I’m working. I don’t always eat full meals (especially for breakfast or lunch), but at least getting something into my stomach helps me not feel famished when I do remember to eat.

But when I was sick recently, I was barely eating. For most people, when they are sick and not eating they lose weight. For me, somehow I gain weight. I’ve never been able to explain it, but that’s how my body works. But because of this, I’ve always been fearful of not eating enough in a normal day and causing a weight gain. I know it’s crazy because I’ve done a super low calorie diet before and lost weight, but it’s still a fear in the back of my head.

When I was better, I assumed that I would want to get back to my normal eating schedule. But I was having issues with it. The biggest issue was eating a small breakfast before my morning workouts. I’ve always had a half of a banana or some peanut butter before a workout because I felt like I needed it to keep me from feeling nauseous. Lately even that much food was too much so I had some chocolate milk before a workout and that seemed to be fine. But now even doing that doesn’t feel right to me. So I’ve been doing my morning workouts on an empty stomach.

I know there is a lot of debate on if you should work out on an empty stomach or not. I’m not too worried about the studies because I need to do what is right for me. Some people say they can’t work out as hard if they don’t eat something first, but I’m still working my way back and rebuilding my endurance so there is really no way for me to know if it is affecting me or not. All I know is that I’m not feeling worse without eating right now.

I do try to eat something as soon as I get home from a workout, but I’ll admit that I don’t always do that. But even if I do, I’m basically eating 2 meals a day right now (there have been a few days where it was 1 meal, but I know that I ate too much). I’ve never thought that eating less would be ok with me and not trigger something, but at whatever phase this is of my life it does seem to not cause any issues.

I have friends who do intermittent fasting and love it. I don’t want to commit and say that this is what I’m doing, but I do know that most of my eating is taking place in a 6-8 hour period which does fit into the intermittent fasting plan. I’m starting to do a bit more research on it and how it works with eating disorders because the last thing I want to do is have this backfire soon and make things worse for me than what they were before. If it looks like this will be trouble, then I will go back to making myself eat the 3 meals a day. But I really hate to make myself eat something when I’m not hungry just because of what time it is.

There is a very good chance that this is just a short phase, like all my other food things have been. But I do just have to keep on trying what seems to be more natural and simple for me and hopefully something will work and stick soon. But I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from all the different things I’ve tried is to not feel like I need to stick 100% to any plan or to feel like I’m stuck doing something. I have to allow myself to be flexible because that is the only way to figure out what I will be able to do and maintain.

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Default ThumbnailFood Plans (or Working From Home Does Have Some Diet Benefits) Default ThumbnailGetting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance) Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Meal Planning (or Will Food Ever Be Easy For Me?) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work) Default ThumbnailIt’s Been A Weird Food Week (or Trying Not To Think Too Much About This) Default ThumbnailSplurging In San Diego (or Back To My Boring Food)

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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