Category Archives: Health

Not What I Expected From This Appointment (or I Have Some New Accessories For Now)

Posted on January 27, 2022 | Comments Off on Not What I Expected From This Appointment (or I Have Some New Accessories For Now)

After my last appointment with my dermatologist, I was told he wanted me to see a podiatrist. My dermatologist had some pretty specific questions about my foot and why the treatments weren’t working the way they should be. His main concern was if the skin in my heel was too thick for the freezing treatment to get into my skin enough to work. So when I set up my appointment with the podiatrist, I figured he would look at my foot, tell me if things were normal or not, and send me on my way.

Well, that’s not exactly how the appointment went.

Pretty much right away, he told me that there was nothing wrong with the skin on my feet. He did tell me that wearing flip flops and flexible shoes isn’t the best option for me, but I also know that for my hips it’s easier to wear flexible shoes. So I might always have thicker heels but that doesn’t really bother me. I use good lotion on my feet and I never thought this could be an issue until my dermatologist said something.

I also know another concern my dermatologist had was about why the last treatment was so painful for me. I think that might have been just random because by the time I went to see the podiatrist, the pain was almost gone and it’s what my foot normally felt like.

So within the first minutes of this appointment, the podiatrist told me there was nothing wrong. But he also said that because this had been taking a while he thought doing some treatment while I was there would be best. And he gave me options and explained the potential treatment plan. The first option was for him to do another freezing treatment. He said that I probably still had quite a few treatments to go before it was gone, but I would know what to expect with pain and recovery. Another option was a type of cream that was more intense and extreme, but I would have to do it multiple times and it is much more painful than the freezing. And the final option for a treatment while I was there was for him to surgically remove the wart from my foot. He said that it would be almost a guarantee for a permanent result. There is always a chance it could come back, but it would be very unlikely. But the downside to having it cut out would be a week or two of recovery.

I really thought the appointment would be an exam and nothing else, so the idea of doing an in-office surgical thing shocked me. But at the same time I knew this could be the easiest thing in the long run for me. So after asking a bunch of questions about what the recovery would be like, I decided to just go for it.

This was a bit different from when the thing on my face was removed by my dermatologist. I still got a shot to numb me, but instead of a little punch incision this was more of cutting around an area. The numbing shot wasn’t fun and I hated the feeling of the pressure while he was cutting into my foot, but at least I wasn’t in that much pain. And it was only a few minutes before he was bandaging up my foot.

Because of the location and size of the cut, I have to stay off of my heel for the next week or two. I currently have a boot for my foot and crutches to use. It was weird using the crutches because when I used them the last time, it was for my hip surgery and I learned how to use them for the opposite side. But at least this time I won’t be using them too long. And while I’m in my house I can just walk on my toes on my left foot and not use the crutches. So my plan isn’t to go that many places until I can put weight on my heel again.

This wasn’t how I thought this week would go and it is changing up what I’ll be doing for the next few weeks, but at least this might be all I need to do and I won’t have to do any more freezing treatments when I see my dermatologist. And since I don’t have a lot of plans outside my house, I didn’t have to change too much with my schedule. It is frustrating to not be able to do things I was hoping to do, but I’m trying to be kind to myself and make sure I focus on healing so this is in my past before I know it.

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Another Doctor Appointment Afternoon (or Not Seeing The Results Yet)

Posted on January 13, 2022 | Comments Off on Another Doctor Appointment Afternoon (or Not Seeing The Results Yet)

I’ve been going to my dermatologist regularly for a while now. Originally, it was for my autoimmune condition and seeing how to get things into remission. And while I was there I did bring up a few other concerns and questions I had. Most were able to be resolved quickly, but a few others have become things that are recurring issues that I work on each time I see my doctor. And when I saw my dermatologist earlier this week, working on the ongoing issues is exactly what I was there for.

We first went over my autoimmune condition. Things are still better than they were before we started working on it, but they aren’t as good as when I was on the other medication that I had to stop. But any improvement is a good thing for me and I am happy seeing that things aren’t as bad as they were when I was at the worst. I still hope that things will keep getting better, and that’s exactly what my doctor and I are working on.

This part of my appointment was easy. The only change we are making is increasing the medication that I’m currently taking to try to put me into remission. I was taking it twice a day before, and now I’m going to be taking it three times a day. This medication is easier on my body, so I’m not too worried about adding another dose. I do have to eat when I take it, so this will also force me to remember to eat lunch. So I guess that’s a good thing too.

And the other ongoing issue I’ve been working on with my dermatologist is a very stubborn wart I have on the bottom of my foot. This time, we know for sure that’s what it is (unlike the one I had on my face that turned out to be a benign tumor). And it can be tough to treat and have it disappear. But one of the reasons I see my dermatologist as often as I do is to get treatments closer together and not waiting months between each one. And right now, the only treatment we have been doing has been to freeze it.

Freezing a wart isn’t fun, but I seem to tolerate it better than a lot of people. I don’t get that because I seem to have a lower pain tolerance than others, but maybe I’m just used to this. Normally, I don’t feel pain while the freezing is happening, but my foot is very sore for several days after. But going into this appointment, I had mentioned how my foot was actually sore a lot longer after the last treatment. And then when my doctor started to freeze it, it was some of the worst pain I’ve felt. I was shocked at how bad it was hurting me. My doctor did take a few breaks so I could let some of the pain subside before continuing. But he had to do the maximum time to hopefully make this treatment work as well as it could.

These warts can take lots of treatments to fully go away. He thinks I might be about halfway done with the treatments it will take for me. But at the same time, he has some other concerns about my foot that he thinks might be preventing the freezing from working as well as it could. So he recommended a few products I could get over the counter that might help my foot in general and maybe make the treatments more effective in the future. But he also wants me to see a podiatrist to make sure there isn’t another issue with my foot causing me this much pain now and making the treatment process take so long.

This might be nothing or there might be something I need to do so that this wart will finally be gone. I’d rather get checked out by a specialist and find out it’s nothing than waste time when there’s no way the current plan will work. So my dermatologist put in a referral for me so I can schedule that appointment. And my next appointment with my dermatologist is a bit further away than normal to give me time to get in to see the podiatrist and work on a plan with them.

It is frustrating that this process has taken as long as it has, but I also know that if I wasn’t in the middle of it I would just be doing this all later. So I just have to keep seeing my doctor and going through this and hopefully it will be in my past soon.

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Taking Acceptable Risks (or Feeling Odd About This Stage Of The Pandemic)

Posted on January 11, 2022 | Comments Off on Taking Acceptable Risks (or Feeling Odd About This Stage Of The Pandemic)

Right now, things are so odd in the world. I have said that a lot over the past 2 years. I never thought everything would shut down the way they did at first. I never thought things could last as long as they have. Even though I know success isn’t a straight line, I didn’t think things would go back and forth as often as they have. And I never realized how much things would affect me as they change.

In some ways, we are better off than we were 2 years ago. We have vaccinations that seem to be keeping most people out of the hospital and alive. We have treatment options that look more and more promising. Most of us knew that vaccines weren’t a perfect fix, just like how any vaccines aren’t perfect, but I think many of us thought more people would be vaccinated so there wouldn’t be as many unvaccinated people getting severely sick.

And even with the advancements and advantages we have now, we are also doing worse than the rest of the time we’ve been in a pandemic. The number of people testing positive is higher than they ever have been. Right now, hospitalizations where I am aren’t as bad as they were at the peak, but we know that can be a bit delayed. I know that the number of people testing positive isn’t always the best thing to judge by, but it’s still not a good sign when we went from under 1,000 people a day to 30,000 people a day.

But with things seeming so bad right now, it’s weird because we aren’t shutting down the way we did before. I honestly don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, I haven’t made a lot of changes in my life since the pandemic started. I haven’t been inside a restaurant to eat, I wear my mask everywhere, I rarely do any type of shopping in a store versus online, and I don’t go out and do much. I have done more since being vaccinated such as going to Orangetheory and eating at restaurants outdoors, but I’m still really limiting what I go and do.

And everything that I go out and do has to be an acceptable risk for me. Especially with the variant right now, you never know when you might be exposed to someone who will test positive. But whatever you choose to do, you have to be ok with that risk. And what you are ok with is such a personal choice. I have several friends who have gone to movies in the past few months. They are trying to take precautions like picking times that aren’t as crowded and they usually don’t get snacks so they are keeping their masks on the entire time. But one of my friends was alerted that they were in close contact with someone who tested positive and they know based on the timing that it was from when they went to a movie. Fortunately, they tested negative and are fine, but it’s still one of those personal risks that we have to be ok with.

I recently went to get my hair done. I’ve been pretty good about being able to keep a regular schedule with my hair, even if I haven’t been able to do the same with any other beauty routines. I do want to get back to the other things that make me feel more confident in how I look, but it seems like every time I’m ready to do it there is another reason why I shouldn’t. Maybe I’m about to go see someone who is at a higher risk and getting my eyebrows done isn’t as important as making sure I’m safe around them. More recently I put it off because of this new variant and how close someone would be to my face. Even with both of us wearing a mask, it seems a bit too risky right now for me. When I get my hair done, we are both masked and she doesn’t have to be too close to my face. So in my mind, that feels safer. I have no clue if it really is safer, but again, this is a personal choice with what risks I’m willing to take.

I really can’t wait until I don’t have to keep thinking like this and I can just go and do something because I want to. But that time isn’t here just yet. And until it is, I just have to keep considering each thing that I do and making sure that I’m comfortable with doing it and I accept the risks that may be involved. It’s not an easy or carefree way to live (and I miss how that was my life before), but it’s keeping me safe and healthy. And even though this is a longer time than I think anyone predicted, I have to remember that this is a temporary time and soon we will be past it.

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My First Challenge of 2022 (or Trying To Get Back To Better Habits)

Posted on January 4, 2022 | Comments Off on My First Challenge of 2022 (or Trying To Get Back To Better Habits)

The past few years I’ve been setting monthly challenges, and I’m going to continue doing that this year. I think it’s good to have daily, weekly, monthly, and annual challenges to help me accomplish quite a bit during a year. And I’ll be going over my goals/challenges for 2022 later this week, but I wanted to start with my January challenge since I think this is something a lot of people are doing.

But first, a quick check about my challenge for December. I challenged myself to speak up more for myself. I knew I needed to do this for so many aspects of my life, and I’m proud to say that I feel so much more confident speaking my mind and not fearing things. I do know there can be consequences for speaking up, but the things I’m speaking up about have consequences that I think are ones I’m willing to accept. Like with dating, speaking up means I might not have a date or a second date because I won’t tolerate specific behavior. And while I am trying to be ok with this idea, I at least can speak up more. I might be sad to not have as many dates because of this, but this is about quality over quantity. I don’t need to put up with someone who says something that is offensive or that doesn’t want similar things to what I want.

Obviously I can’t speak up quite as freely in all aspects of my life, but I am finding ways to make sure my voice is heard even when I have to do it less directly. And it’s reassuring to see positive outcomes when I do speak up so I have less fear each time I have to do it.

My December challenge was a bit more of a mental one, and my challenge for January is a bit more about my physical health (and maybe a bit of my mental health). And it’s also a modification on a challenge I did a few years ago. Several years ago, I challenged myself not to order delivery food for a month. And while I would love to say I won’t order delivery food for a month, with my crazier schedule I know that might not be possible. So I had to add a bit more of a challenge one way to reduce the challenge another way.

So for January, I want to try to limit both my delivery food and take out food as much as possible. This means that I don’t want to do pickup or drive thru options either. Sometimes, if I’m out running errands after work and I see a short line at In-n-Out, it’s just easier to get a hamburger than to go home and see what I can make for myself. But I’m slipping into bad habits again and doing this more often than I would like. I am not doing delivery food too often, but I know I need to cut back on that too.

But I am doing things to make this challenge a bit easier on me. I’m making sure I have easy to make meals at home. Frozen dinners aren’t the best, but they are better (and cheaper) than going out to eat or bringing food home. And this is a way to do a little bit of meal planning without putting too much pressure on this idea.

I do want to work on my eating habits and what types of food I eat, but I know I need to do baby steps because I can revert to old habits easily. And if something doesn’t seem too extreme, it’s a little easier for me to maintain. So that’s why I’m going a bit easier on myself and not saying I have to completely eliminate this from my life. I just want to limit it. And I think that is a good way for me to set myself up for success with this first challenge of 2022.

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Continuing To Try To Stay Safe (or Making Sure I Don’t Panic Too Much or Too Little)

Posted on December 22, 2021 | Comments Off on Continuing To Try To Stay Safe (or Making Sure I Don’t Panic Too Much or Too Little)

For so long, I think all of us were being hopeful that we were coming to the end of the pandemic. People were getting vaccinated. Some were getting boosters. Case numbers were going down and so were hospitalizations. I really was starting to feel a bit safer even though I was still taking a lot of precautions and didn’t go too many places. There were still people getting sick, but it seemed to mainly be those that were not vaccinated. And if someone who was vaccinated got sick, they were not having that many symptoms and rarely went to the hospital.

But we had been warned that things might be bad again this winter as more people are indoors and there is the chance of having a higher risk for both Covid and the flu. But what we didn’t expect was also having a new variant that seems to be the most contagious yet.

I’m trying to not overreact, but this is feeling very similar to what things were like in March 2020. I know it’s not the same because we have treatment options we didn’t have then and people are not being hospitalized or dying at the same rate they were before, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t making me feel a bit panicked. But I am trying to take what I have learned in the past year and a half to make sure I stay safe.

Most of the things I started to do in March 2020 haven’t changed since then. I still limit where I go and try to avoid crowded places. And I still wear a mask when I’m around others indoors. I don’t always wear a mask when I’m outdoors, but if there are a lot of people near me that I don’t know I do wear one. And since I always keep a mask in my purse and car, it’s easy to always have one with me.

But with this variant, I know that there is a chance that I could still catch it. I’ve had a few friends get sick in the past week, and all of them have been vaccinated and wear masks in public. Most of them have had very mild symptoms and have recovered quickly. One friend had more symptoms and I was worried about them for a bit, but they seem to be getting better now. But I know that even a mild case can have long-term side effects, so I know things might not be over for them yet. But I do hope that they all have easy recoveries and they don’t have issues later.

Seeing friends of mine get sick when they do similar precautions to what I do really worries me. I have been thinking about what other things I can do to keep myself safe or think about any things that I plan on doing to see if I need to do them or if I can wait. I am trying to order things online if I can, but some things are only in stores. Right now I have plans to get my hair done, but if things seem really bad when it’s closer to my appointment, I might see if I can reschedule. But I picked a time that shouldn’t be as crowded and it’s somewhere that everyone wears masks and there is no need to take them off, like at a restaurant.

I saw a joke online that said something like everyone more scared than me is crazy and everyone less scared than me has their head in the sand. And in a way, I do feel like this. I wonder if I’m panicking too much or not enough. I worry that I am not doing everything I should because I’m tired of living during a pandemic. I know everyone wants life to feel normal again, whatever that means. I just don’t want to have to think about the risks of getting sick every time I decide to do something outside my house. But at the same time, I know I’m taking more risks than I did over a year ago and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

I don’t know if anyone knows what is the right way to live now and what is being too risky. I know being vaccinated and wearing masks are key and I’m doing that. But beyond that, I just have to do what choices I can live with if I do end up getting sick in the future.

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Doubling Up With Panic Attacks (or I’m Really Getting Tired Of This)

Posted on December 3, 2021 | Comments Off on Doubling Up With Panic Attacks (or I’m Really Getting Tired Of This)

Having a panic attack at the dentist is pretty much a guarantee for me. This has happened for the majority of my life and I don’t see it ending any time soon. I can manage my panic attacks better now than I could before, but they still happen and still affect me. So when I was going in for a dentist appointment this week, I knew I was going to have an attack and just tried my best to stay calm when I could.

But going to the appointment caused me to have an unexpected panic attack. I’m typically a very prompt person. Often, I arrive at places too early and I just sit and wait in my car until the right time. I overestimate how long it will take to get somewhere, but I would rather be early than late. And for appointments, I know if you arrive late they can sometimes refuse to see you. So I really try to be on time. My dentist isn’t too far from where I live, but I also know the areas I have to drive through can have some weird traffic holdups. So I gave myself double the time it normally takes to get there, so I figured I would arrive early.

I don’t know what was going on with traffic, but it was just not moving while I was driving. I was terrified I would get to my appointment and they would turn me away, which would be awful because that would mean I would have the nerves leading up to another appointment date. I tried to call in to explain what was happening, but they must have been busy at the office because it went to voicemail. I was already struggling with panic feelings about an appointment, but now I was dealing with panic feelings about being late too.

I guess it was a good thing I gave myself double the time to get there because I only ended up being 1 minute late, so it worked out ok. But I was still so stressed and my heart was racing about getting there on time. And as soon as I arrived, my regular panic that I get at the dentist kicked into high gear.

I’m lucky that my dentists understand that I just don’t do well there, so they do try their best. But the hygienist they have was taking longer than I’m used to with her work. And she noticed my panic and kept stopping so I could have a break. I told her that taking a break doesn’t help me since I just need to get through the appointment, but she kept checking in with me. My dentist did check in too and let the hygienist know that I do best when we can get through it quickly (but also thoroughly so I don’t have issues later).

Fortunately, after that things picked up in my appointment and they moved quickly. I had one moment with a really bad panic attack when my dentist was inspecting a spot on one tooth. Even though she had already told me there were no cavities or issues, I was so worried that she discovered something after telling me that. I really tried to keep my breathing under control, but I was starting to really freak out. I’m glad it ended up being nothing (basically it was a weird shadow), but it was still a pretty bad moment for me.

I left the appointment with the usual good news that everything is good with my teeth and my next appointment would be another normal cleaning. I’m still going every 4 months since that seems to be the best setup for me, but a least they aren’t extreme appointments. But having these panic attacks really bothers me. I know it’s weird to be upset over something that I may not be able to control, but I feel that way. I’m usually emotionally and physically exhausted after an appointment. I wish I could just magically be ok and not panic even a little bit, but I don’t think that is likely to happen in my future.

So I just have to tolerate these every 4 months and hope for the best. And next time, hopefully I won’t have the extra panic with traffic making it worse.

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A Just Ok Doctor Follow Up (or These May Be A Part Of My Routine For A Little While Longer)

Posted on November 30, 2021 | Comments Off on A Just Ok Doctor Follow Up (or These May Be A Part Of My Routine For A Little While Longer)

Even though I have multiple ongoing health issues, seeing my doctors on a pretty regular basis wasn’t a part of my life until earlier this year. Most of my health issues are things that only require one or two doctor appointments a year. But earlier this year I started seeing my dermatologist regularly for a few different issues I was trying to get under control.

The main thing I’ve been working on with my doctor is my autoimmune condition. I go back and forth with calling it autoimmune or inflammatory, because it can be classified either way. But no matter what it is, it’s annoying and can be very painful. And this year, I’ve been trying new ways to try to get it under control and possibly in remission.

I have tried a few different medications this year, but there’s one that I’ve been on for most of the year. But you can’t be on it forever, so at my last appointment, I had to stop the medication and just try one other one I’ve been on. So when I went in for another follow-up appointment last week, it was to see how I’m doing and continue working on a plan for helping me.

Unfortunately, my condition has flared up significantly since my last appointment. It’s not as bad as it was before I started working with my doctor, but it was worse than last time. I told my doctor that if before starting medications I was at a 10 and at my last appointment I was at a 1, I was probably at a 4 or 5 right now. And I also am dealing with a bit of stress right now, and stress can make everything worse. I’m still doing better than I was from the start, but it’s frustrating to have such a setback.

But I was reminded that my body is also getting used to coming off a medication I was taking for about 10 months, and there can be a bit of a reaction to that. So that did make me feel better.

And my doctor and I did discuss next steps. There are a few treatments that were discussed before that he doesn’t think would be a smart choice for me anymore (including one that would put me in an immunocompromised state). We discussed one medication I was on before and I didn’t like the side effects, and he understood why I wouldn’t want to try it again. And then he discussed surgery with me.

Surgery doesn’t necessarily make my condition go away, but it would treat the parts of my body that are affected by it and it can be a permanent fix. Because the places on my body where I have flares would essentially be turned into scar tissue, I wouldn’t have the ability to have the same issues. But this is not an easy surgery. There would be weeks of recovery and allowing my body to heal very large wounds. I know this could have the best results for me, but I’m hesitant to do it since it wouldn’t stop everything. It would just make the spots that are the worst on my body no longer be like that.

But there is no need for me to rush to decide anything about surgery. I will have another follow-up appointment in about a month and a half to see how I’m doing. And maybe there will be other treatment options we discuss then or maybe my doctor will recommend I at least have an initial appointment with the surgeon who could operate on me. I’m not sure what the next steps will be, but just like I’ve been doing this year, I’m just going to continue to try to work on this and get my body and my autoimmune condition in a better place.

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Finally Feeling Normal Again (or These Side Effects Surprised Me)

Posted on November 17, 2021 | Comments Off on Finally Feeling Normal Again (or These Side Effects Surprised Me)

It’s pretty common for me to have side effects from vaccines. I don’t know why I’m so reactive to them, but it’s something I’m used to and prepared for most of the time. I know that there is a good chance I will feel sick for a day or two after a flu shot, so I plan my flu shot around when I know I will be ok having a few days without too much to do. I don’t always have a reaction, but it happens enough that I’d rather be prepared for it than me be unprepared and have to push through.

When I got my first 2 Covid vaccines, I had some side effects. But compared to what some of my friends had, I felt like mine were pretty mild. I had a sore arm for a while, which was annoying but not that much of an issue. After my first shot, I ended up sleeping away most of the day. But that could have been due to my appointment being early in the morning or possibly coming down from an adrenaline high since I had been waiting for that vaccine to happen. After my second shot, I had a sore arm again and a bit of a headache. But I really didn’t have much more than that.

So when I was trying to time out my booster shot, I thought I did a good job picking a time where I would have a day to rest but I wasn’t planning on needing much more than that. The day I got it done was a day I didn’t have to work, so if I was tired after it I could rest the rest of the day. And the day I got my booster, I really felt fine. I had my usual issues with getting a shot, but I didn’t feel off or tired. Later that evening, I was a bit more tired, but I also know I wasn’t getting enough sleep so it could have been that too.

The next morning, I was feeling a bit off, but things didn’t seem to hit me until I was in the middle of my workout. It was like one moment I was just a bit off and the next moment I was so exhausted and my entire body was aching. I pushed through that workout and I figured I would feel ok soon. I tried to continue on with my day and either I ignored how I was feeling or I tried to pretend I was fine. I honestly don’t remember.

I do remember wanting to go to bed at 9pm that night and how I had chills. But I also knew the next day I’d be seeing my family, so I tried to stay positive. I think I must have had a fever when I went to bed because I woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like I had a fever break. But I never took my temperature so I will never know for sure. And I was feeling a bit better when I drove up to be with my family, but I wasn’t 100% myself. I was still feeling lethargic and I had a lot of body aches. But I hadn’t seen most of my family in almost 2 years, so I wanted to push through however I could.

I know I wasn’t as cheerful or social as I usually am, but my family understood when I explained I had just had my booster shot. It was unfortunate timing, but I couldn’t do anything about it at that time so I tried to not focus on it.

I spent the day after I was with my family resting a bit more, and I finally was feeling better by Monday. As I write this on Tuesday, my arm is still sore but that’s about it for side effects. And I know that might take a few more days to go away, but at least that is the most manageable of my side effects.

I guess I was just a bit too confident after how I felt after my first two shots. I really thought the booster would be just as easy. But I should have prepared the way I do for most shots and not assumed I’d be ok. But even with the side effects and how they affected my time with my family, I don’t regret getting the booster shot. I want to keep myself healthy and those around me healthy as well. And making sure I am fully vaccinated and getting boosters as needed is the best way for me to do it.

But now I will try to remember that I had this type of reaction if there is another booster in the future so I’m not as surprised as I was this time.

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Finally Getting My Booster (or Feeling A Little Safer)

Posted on November 12, 2021 | Comments Off on Finally Getting My Booster (or Feeling A Little Safer)

I’ve been eligible for my Covid booster for a little bit. It’s been debatable when I became eligible because things have changed and I didn’t look into it too much right away. But I knew that I would want to do the booster shot since I still am considered at a higher risk for getting sick.

But I didn’t rush to schedule my booster shot right away. I had a few things happening and I didn’t want to risk having some bad side effects. And I didn’t feel the same rush to get it done as I did with the original shot. When I got my first vaccine, I was trying to find how to book an appointment as soon as possible. And I’m so glad I did it then because things were getting really stressful for me and getting the vaccine was one way I could try to keep myself safe. Even after being vaccinated, I haven’t done a lot of things differently when it comes to staying safe. I still stay home a lot and don’t go out. I wear a mask when I’m out. I am around more people than before, especially because I go to my workouts, but I’m really limiting my interactions with other people. And maybe because I’m not going out a lot, I didn’t feel like I had to get my booster shot immediately. I know that there is a chance the original vaccine was keeping me safe, but I knew I couldn’t chance it. So I got my booster shot scheduled for this week.

I was able to do this vaccine at Kaiser again (I know I could have done it at CVS or another drugstore, but it was easy to schedule it through my insurance). But it was a bit different from my other 2 vaccination appointments. It was at a different office, but they also had the registration different from my other appointments. I had an appointment and then had to go and check-in. After checking in, I had to go to a line where everyone was waiting their turn. There wasn’t a place to sit down, we were just lined up outside the building. And there were only 6 vaccination chairs in the room (I think at my other appointment, there were at least 20). So the line moved pretty slowly. From the time I checked in to the time I was finally in a chair was over 30 minutes. I was already nervous since I don’t do well with needles, but I was also in a lot of pain from standing in line for so long (I debated sitting on the ground, but it didn’t seem like the smartest idea). But at least once I was seated, things went quickly.

I had to do the usual confirmation of my name and what I was there for. And they confirmed what vaccine I previously had. I was given the option to change which brand I had for my booster shot, but I went with the same one as before since I knew what my reaction would likely be from it. The booster dose isn’t as much as the regular dose, so I’m hoping I won’t have too many side effects.

And as I almost always do, I had a moment I blacked out when getting my shot. It’s more of an annoyance than anything these days because I do need to warn people I’m a faint risk. I try to explain it’s not a big deal but I know I need to tell them. But they always worry I’m going to pass out and hit my head or something.  But at least this time I was only out for a few seconds before I felt normal again. They did monitor me a bit closer than most people because I said I was a faint risk, but I spent that time playing games on my phone and getting some work done. And after my waiting period was over, I was on my way back home.

I know that I’m lucky that I had the ability to get a booster shot when it’s not available for everyone. And there are some people who haven’t had a chance to be vaccinated at all yet. But I try not to feel guilty about this. I know I’m at a higher risk for getting sick, and if I protect myself that means that I hopefully won’t take up space in a hospital bed if I do get Covid. And that hospital bed could go to someone who needs it, whether they need it due to Covid or for something else that would require medical attention.

I really wish we were past this pandemic. We have been given tools to make it end, but not everyone is doing what we need. So I have to do what I can for now and I just have to hope it will be enough to keep me and those around me safe.

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I Guess This Is The End Of This Journey (or 5 Years Later)

Posted on November 4, 2021 | Comments Off on I Guess This Is The End Of This Journey (or 5 Years Later)

A little over 5 years ago, I had what I believed was the worst gallbladder attack of my life. I was sure that’s what I had since it had a lot of the same symptoms as the other attacks I’ve had. But this one was lasting hours and not going away when in the past it would maybe only last an hour or two. I was up all night in pain and went to the hospital that morning sure that they were going to wheel me into the OR to have my gallbladder removed. But it turned out it wasn’t a gallbladder attack (it’s still not really known what happened to me), but that day at the hospital we discovered what was believed to be a cyst on my liver.

After more medical testing, we learned that I had 3 tumors and my journey from needing surgery to being a medical miracle started. Honestly, nothing has been what I expected and I’ve tried to roll with the punches as much as I could. But it’s been tough. A friend of mine described the feeling I dealt with perfectly, body betrayal. I felt betrayed when I found out I had tumors because I had no clue that something so crazy was happening in my body. And I felt betrayed when they shrank because again I had no clue this was happening. Of course, I was grateful they shrank and I could avoid surgery, but the disconnect I had with my body was a struggle.

And for the past few years, I’ve had MRIs to check my liver and make sure that my tumors weren’t growing. I’m very lucky that they actually continued to shrink. And at my last MRI, you could only see 1 of the 3 original tumors. And that tumor was 10% of its original size. I was supposed to have an MRI last year and if my tumors were still the same that would be the last one. Because of the pandemic, I didn’t go last year (which was ok with my liver surgeon). And this year, when I was at my annual well-woman appointment, I mentioned to my doctor that this year I’d do one more MRI and maybe that would be the last. Fortunately, she was able to order the MRI for me so that was a lot easier to schedule. And this past weekend, I had my MRI.

I didn’t realize this at the time, but this MRI was 5 years to the day from the original MRI (when we discovered that it wasn’t a cyst but a tumor). I’ve had enough MRIs at this point to know the routine. I also know that usually there is a bit of a wait, so I come prepared with a book and other things to keep me busy. But I don’t know if it’s because this was on a weekend or if things are still slower than normal, but for this MRI I didn’t even go to the waiting room! As soon as I was done checking in, I was brought back to the MRI room. Just like every other MRI, it wasn’t that fun. I also had double claustrophobia because of the MRI tube and wearing a mask. I managed to not have a horrible panic attack, but I had a couple of little ones during the scan. I just tried to take deep breaths (when I didn’t have to hold my breath) and I tilted my head back to be able to look into the room behind me.

From the time I checked in until I was heading out was only about an hour. This was by far the fastest MRI I had. I didn’t even get a fun pre-MRI photo like I normally do. But I took one after it was done so I could add it to my collection of photos.

I normally have a follow-up with my liver surgeon after my MRI to go over the results. I might have the follow-up over the phone this time, but I also might not have the usual follow-up since a different doctor ordered the test. But I did already get my results back.

I know it’s a lot of doctor-speak, but basically this says that there is only 1 tumor visible in my life and it’s 1cm. This is exactly what it looked like 2 years ago and what I know my liver surgeon was hoping for. He told me it would be very unlikely for the last tumor to be completely gone since it was so large to begin with. But staying the same for 2 years is really the best outcome. I also had a few other things in my results (I still have gallstones and there is a small benign cyst on my kidney), but for the most part, everything else is either completely normal or exactly what it’s been like for a while.

This is a bit anti-climatic, but I guess this is probably the end of my journey with my liver tumor. If I have a follow-up call with my surgeon, I guess he will probably confirm that. But he did say the last time I saw him that as long as my tumors aren’t bigger than they were before, I won’t need another MRI. Of course, there are a few things that can happen in the future that could change this (if I use anything with synthetic hormones, I probably will need to be monitored again). But unless that comes up or if I have any odd symptoms, I will probably just live the rest of my life with this small tumor left in my liver hanging out.

The last 5 years have been crazy with my liver tumors. I’m just glad that it seems like this is finally a part of my past and I don’t have to be too worried about them anymore.

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