Tag Archives: weight loss

Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

Posted on January 21, 2016 | Comments Off on Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

I while ago, I heard of the book “Fit2Fat2Fit“. It was the story of a personal trainer named Drew who gained 75 pounds so he could understand what it was like for his overweight clients to lose weight. Immediately I was interested and got the book to read. I read it so fast and loved the message that the trainer shared.

Fit2Fat2Fit

So many trainers and coaches out there have never had to deal with a weight problem. They don’t understand the mental and physical toll excess weight puts on a person. They see someone overweight and think that the person is uneducated and just needs to be taught how to work out and eat better. They think it’s just as simple as that.

But that’s not the case at all.

Compared to most of my friends who have never had a weight issue, I’m possibly more educated about nutrition. I can guesstimate calories with the best of them. I know what is good, what is bad, and what is ok as a treat. Every bite I take I know if I should be ok eating it or if it’s something that I need to think of as an ok indulgence. I know the food pyramid, how many servings of each thing I should have each day/week, and how many calories my body takes to be alive. I might not be the most educated on what workout routines I should do, but I’ve got nutrition and food down. I may have an eating disorder, but I don’t have a lack of education.

Lack of education may be the issue for some people, but it isn’t for the majority. We know what we should and shouldn’t do, but there is something else in our bodies saying otherwise. And unless you have been there, you don’t get it. I try to explain it the best I can on here, but I know that the voice in my head is so much louder and more persuasive than I could ever explain.

That is why I loved the book so much. Drew didn’t understand at first that when you are heavy, you might not have the same motivation or energy to work out. Or if you are used to eating fatty foods that your body craves them and that eating healthy doesn’t give you the same joy that food has given you in the past (and you have depended on that joy from food). Once he gained the weight and tried to immediately get back to his old routine, he realized that it was not as easy as that. People don’t need to be educated, they need to be understood and guided to a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve been lucky at Orangetheory that none of my coaches have judged me or have tried to talk down to me because of my weight (that has happened with coaches/personal trainers in the past). They understand that I have an eating disorder and am working my way toward recovery. They get that I need support but not lectures. But I know that not everyone has that experience. As much as I think that all trainers should do this experiment to understand what their clients go through, I understand that it isn’t realistic. But I think reading the book can help them get it.

I’ve loved the book for a while, but I discovered last week that now there is a TV show on A&E with the same name about the same concept. A trainer takes 4 months to gain as much weight as they can and then work with an overweight client to take the weight off together. I’ve seen the first episode so far, and I really enjoyed it (and didn’t hate-watch it like I do with other weight loss shows). The trainer didn’t quite understand that things would be hard when he gained weight at first. But once it was time for him to get back into his regular routine and try to lose the weight, he got it. He understood the food withdrawal and the exhaustion of exercise. He became more empathic about what clients might be going through and saw the journey from the client side instead of the coach side.

I’m sure that all the episodes will follow a similar format, but I think that it is an amazing show to watch. I know that people will still judge me and other’s based on appearance, but hopefully they can understand the issues we face just a little bit more.

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Posted in Fitness, Food, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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A Major Cleanup (or Saying Goodbye To The Old Me)

Posted on January 14, 2016 | 1 comment

A long time ago, I wrote about how I was having issues getting rid of my old clothes. Every single thing in those under bed storage bags had sentimental value to me. There were dresses that I loved, the perfect jeans that I found and bought in every color (it’s not easy finding jeans), and fun clothes that I got as gifts over the years.

I’ve always figured that if I got down to those sizes again, I’ll pull the clothes out of the bag and wear them again. But that post about not getting rid of my clothes was over 3 years ago. I’ve been holding on to those clothes for over 6 years. I don’t have a ton of storage space, but since they were kept under my bed I didn’t think too much about it.

But the other day I just got fed up. I don’t need to keep reminders of who I was when I was at my skinniest. So I took an afternoon, opened up the bags, and started sorting things out.

There were some things that I knew I wouldn’t get rid of. Those included my high school prom dress, my absolute favorite pair of jeans from my skinniest (but only one pair), 2 designer dresses that I got at a discount store and had tailored to fit, and a workout jacket that I love. But almost everything else in those bags I felt could go. I don’t care about a lot of the shirts and sweaters I had been storing. I don’t need to have jeans in every size. So many things aren’t really in fashion right now. And it’s not just that. When I lose weight, I might lose it in a different way so even if I got down to that size again I wouldn’t necessarily fit into those pieces.

After going through my under bed storage and closet (I had a couple of things in there that I didn’t need to keep), I moved on to my entry closet where I keep coats, shoes, and purses. I wasn’t going to get rid of any shoes (I had done that lately and while I have more shoes than some, I don’t have a ton). I got rid of some hoodies that I got at old day jobs and a jacket that I got on clearance but never really loved.

And I seriously had too many purses. I pulled out some of the fancier ones and I have friends who are going to trade me or buy them from me. But I had a lot of purses that I got at a cheap store to wear with a particular outfit and never used the purse again. Or they were so small that they weren’t really ever used because I couldn’t put my phone in there. Like the clothes, there were some purses that were kept for pure sentimental value. I have one designer purse that my grandma gave to me after she heard me say how much I’d love to own one one day (she had the purse and never used it). But I probably pulled 10 purses out of my closet to donate.

In the end, I had 4 very full bags of clothes and purses to donate to people who could really use and need them.

Clothes Donations

It felt so good to get all that stuff out of my house. I don’t miss them at all and things feel less cluttered than they did before. And I’ve rediscovered some clothes and purses that I had forgotten about because they were buried under all the other stuff.

After getting rid of all those clothes and purses, I also felt inspired to work on clearing out my fridge, freezer, and pantry. I’ve bought food that I felt that I should eat. I had some frozen fish, different veggie patties, and other quick meal things. I never ate any of them because they don’t taste good to me. There’s no need for me to keep healthy food in my house that I don’t eat. So a friend of mine took the perishable food from me and I donated the non-perishable stuff. I didn’t replace it with unhealthy things, but I wanted my healthy choices to make me happy and not make me feel guilty that I should eat them. My healthy options don’t have to match everyone else’s.

I probably spent a good chunk of my afternoon and evening cleaning out things from my house, but it feels so amazing now that it’s done. My clothes are only things that I wear now and make me happy. And my fridge and freezer doesn’t make me feel horrible when I’m looking for something to eat and nothing seems good to me. I’m making my house make me happy, and it’s working and I feel the results from that already.

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Shopping, Tough Stuff

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People Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video)

Posted on September 8, 2015 | 3 comments

Some of you may have seen a video online called “Dear Fat People”. I’m not going to link to it because I don’t want to necessarily promote it (if you want to watch it, it’s pretty easy to find). I actually had not seen the video until yesterday and I had some pretty strong feelings about it.

First of all, I guess the fat people video is supposed to be funny. The woman in it is a comedian who thought that it would be seen as a joke (or at least that’s what I’ve read in interviews). In the video, she claims that fat shaming isn’t a thing. People who are fat should be shamed so they can change themselves. She thinks that fat people are fat because they don’t know that it’s wrong and don’t know how to fix it. She tells a story about a family who are all overweight (she says that they smell like sausages and sweat out Crisco) and are on a plane with her. According to her, she has to hold back the son’s fat while he is sitting next to her so it doesn’t cover her. She goes on and on about more stories about how fat people don’t realize that they need to change because they are all dying off from fat diseases. She does say that this video isn’t about anyone who may have a medical condition who makes them fat.

I have so many issues with this video that I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, her disclaimer that this video isn’t about anyone with a medical condition is stupid. How does she know that the people she discusses in her video don’t have a medical condition? While I don’t have a medical condition that causes my weight issues (beyond my eating disorder) I do have an invisible disability with my hip issues. I get a pass when I go to Disneyland that lets me sit off to the side when I wait for rides. I still wait just as long as anyone in line, but I don’t have to stand in line while waiting. When it’s my turn, I get to go onto the ride. Many guests think this is a front of the line/instant access pass. It did used to be that way, but too many people were faking injuries to get it. Back then, the disability line for many rides were longer than the regular line (I once waited 3 hours for Space Mountain when the regular line was 1 because I need to use the accessible coaster car so I can get into the ride safely). Now that it’s not considered as desirable to people who fake their injuries, the wait times are similar or maybe a little longer than the regular line. With this pass, I’ve had some people shame me for using it. I’ve had people tell me that if I wasn’t so fat that I wouldn’t have to cheat the system. I’ve been called names. I’ve been pointed out and laughed at. In the beginning, I used to carry around the pictures from my surgery to call out people, but now I just don’t care. But it does make me mad when someone assumes that someone doesn’t have a disability because they can’t see it.

I also find the story of the airplane completely unbelievable. If someone doesn’t fit into one seat and will be encroaching onto another seat, the airlines are pretty quick to force that person to buy a second seat so they have enough room. The guideline is that the armrest needs to go completely down without any spillage for the airline to agree that you take up one seat (yes, I’ve been called out on this and it was stupid because there was more than enough room for the armrests to go down). If this woman really had to hold back the fat of someone to enjoy their flight, I’m sure that the other passenger would have been asked to buy a second seat. I’m sure that either this story is made up or exaggerated for theatrical purposes.

Finally, the person in the video believes that people who are fat don’t know what to do to fix it. While this might be true for some overweight people, the majority of the people I know with weight issues know more about health, nutrition, diet, and exercise than almost anyone else. This is because most of us have tried every diet under the sun to lose the weight and get healthy. I can tell you the calorie counts of so many different foods. If you tell me your weight, I can guess how many calories you will burn if you walk or run a mile with pretty decent accuracy. I know what drinks have added sugars, fake sugars, or have a base other than water. I probably could teach a class on nutrition by this point. And I think that most of you who are regular readers would agree that I am working pretty darn hard on my fitness and know what I need to do. If I didn’t have my eating disorder, I’d probably be a size 2 now.

To anyone who watched that video and was embarrassed about your weight issues, there’s no need to be. Everyone has their struggles in life. Those of us with weight issues just have our issues on the outside where everyone can see them. If you are happy at the size that you are and your doctors say that you are healthy, then stay exactly how you are. If you want to lose weight, do it. There are plenty of great and healthy ways to lose weight and become the best that you can be.

And if you watched that video and felt like that people who are overweight should be shamed, you should know that shaming someone isn’t probably going to motivate them. For people with eating disorders, it will probably make the problem worse. If there is someone you love who is an unhealthy weight and you are worried about them, try to let them bring the issue to you. It’s embarrassing to discuss these things at times and if someone else brings it up they might not want to talk about it and then keep it buried inside even longer.

I’m aware that this is a rant about a silly video online. But if I had seen that video online maybe 5 years ago, I would have had a very different reaction to it. I see it as silly now, but then I would have been devastated and would have wanted to avoid the public in fear of random people trying to shame or taunt me because of my weight.

But now I know that no matter how skinny or fat I might be, I’m still the same fabulous person. People love me for who I am and not what I look like. And anyone who thinks differently isn’t someone who I need in my life.

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Posted in Beauty, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Being A Bit Of A Show-Off (or More Baby Steps)

Posted on July 20, 2015 | Comments Off on Being A Bit Of A Show-Off (or More Baby Steps)

I had a pretty great week of workouts this week. I might have only gotten 3 workouts in, but I really maximized them.

Monday was a really fun day. I had a friend come try out class with me! She had never been to Orangetheory before, but she was looking for a new workout class to motivate her. I love having new friends in class because if they get a membership then that means I’ll have more friends in class on a regular basis!

My friend was on the treadmill next to me and it happened to be a run/row day so the treadmill segments were pretty short. Because I want to push myself (and because I’m a major show-off), I decided to up my speed on the treadmill again.

My push and all-out paces have been pretty steady at 3.7 miles an hour (my base pace has been at 3.5). But I started at 3.7 for my pushes and then went to 3.8 and even 3.9 at times. I don’t think I can do those higher speeds for an entire class, but it’s good that I’m trying to add on speed for a minute or two. I’ve had issues with increasing my speed because I feel like it’s an all or nothing sort of thing. But it’s not horrible to have variable speeds throughout the class.

Since I was showing off at Monday’s class, I decided to see if I could push the limits of my push and all-out paces for the rest of the week. I was able to do a minute or so at 3.8 and 3.9 for my other two workouts. I even was able to do 4.0 miles an hour for about 30 seconds for an all-out segment (so it was also at 10% incline). I think I’m almost to the place where I can increase my push pace more often, but I’m still struggling with increasing my base pace. I’m testing the waters of 3.6 miles an hour, but it’s still a struggle for more than a few minutes.

Since Monday was a run/row day, I also had a good opportunity to work on getting better at rowing. Rowing is weird for me. I feel like I’m still struggling with it, but my coaches have been telling me that rowing might be my strongest thing. I’m great when it comes to sprints of about 250 meters or less, but the distance rows still make me struggle. One of the other workouts this past week had a 600 meter row and I had to take my time with that and that frustrated me.

I think this frustration I’m feeling is a real positive thing. It means that I know that I can do better and I’m not questioning myself as much as I have in the past. I’m still physically struggling, but I’m happier with that than I am with a mental struggle. I wish I could discuss this with my hip surgeon, but I know a lot of things I do aren’t really recommended. But since my hips are going to go bad no matter what I do, I figure I might as well work on my strength even if it might make my hips go bad a few months sooner than they would if I was cautious. Also, I’m been pushing the limits with my hips for a couple of years now, and I’m still doing way better than they ever expected I could.

Since I’ve been pushing myself on the treadmill a lot, I think it’s time for me to push myself with the weights. I’ve been using the same weights for a while. And I think the reason I’ve been nervous is because the weights I use look more like regular weights to me and the next set up looks a little scary. I know that’s probably really stupid, but I think that’s the only reason I’ve been holding back. It’s time for me to realize that I’m strong and can do more lifting than I have been doing. And by lifting more, I’m going to build more muscle which will help me in my weight loss.

I love this motivation I’ve found! I know that it can only lead to good things!

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Weight Loss

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3 Years Down (or Where I Started)

Posted on July 16, 2015 | Comments Off on 3 Years Down (or Where I Started)

3 years ago today was the first post ever on Finding My Inner Bombshell. The last line in that post was about how I didn’t know where my journey would be going, but it was going to go somewhere.

And in the past 3 years it definitely has gone places.

Am I where I expected to be in 3 years after writing that first post? No way. I honestly thought that by putting myself out there everything thing would be fixed. I know that that sounds stupid, but I really believed it. I really thought that that first post was the start of my new life. And while that was true, it’s not true in the way that I expected it to.

I thought that somehow my weight loss would finally happen and I wouldn’t have to deal with any weight gain. I thought that I would figure out how to live within my means and pay off my credit card debt. I honestly thought that within 3 years all my debt would be completely gone.

None of that has come true.

But what has happened is I have become more accepting of myself. I don’t beat myself up as often as I used to. I still do that from time to time and I do share that on here. But when I become open with the world, many other people opened up to me. I realized that I’m not alone in this battle and journey. And by knowing I’m not alone, I know that everyone has slip ups and moments where they aren’t their best.

I’m still in shock that I’ve been doing this for 3 years (and almost 800 posts!)! I’ve said this before, but I never had an idea of how long I’d be able to keep this up. Sometimes it is tough to find things to write about every day. And I’m sure that eventually there will be a day that I don’t post. But I’m doing my very best to stay consistent with this as it does hold me somewhat accountable for my actions.

When I started this blog, a friend of mine had encouraged me to start a blog because she made decent money off of her blog. She thought that this would be a great day job for me and that I might be able to support myself on my blog income. In no way is that true. While I have had a handful of sponsored posts where I’ve gotten cool things, I haven’t made cash money off of this blog. And shockingly, I’m totally ok with that.

As I’ve blogged, while it would have been nice to make money, it’s become less and less important. I’ve found that having a voice and allowing others to feel comfortable to share their voices has been the best thing to come out of this blog. Maybe one day I’ll make a couple of dollars on here, but I really haven’t worried too much about trying to do that.

So I’ve talked about where I thought 3 years ago where I’d be today. Now to look toward the future. Where will I be in 3 years from now?

I’m hoping that I will still be blogging in 3 more years. I’d like to still be blogging 5 days a week, but I don’t want to stress out about that. Who knows where I’ll be in 3 years. I’ve seen other bloggers decrease their blogging when major life events happen (like getting married and having kids). Maybe something big like that will have happened for me in 3 years?

While I hope to be at a steady and healthy weight in 3 years, I have no idea if that will happen. I’d love to be at a “normal” weight and it is possible to lose my excess weight within 3 years. But I don’t know if that is in the cards for me. No matter my weight, in 3 years I want to be in a place where I am more comfortable with my body and appearance than I am right now.

And I’d love to have all my credit card debt gone in 3 years. I crunched the numbers and it may be possible. It won’t be easy at all. But there’s a small chance that it can be gone in 3 years. And even if it isn’t gone, it would be nice to have it at a much smaller number than where it is right now.

It’s so crazy to think that I’ve been blogging for almost 10% of my life! I love that I have this documentation of my life. When I was a teenager I kept diaries. I have them safe in my house right now. I did put them in waterproof sealed bags so I can’t look at them without breaking the seal. But I did go through them before sealing them and loved that I had all of that saved to re-read again. This is the same thing. It’s digital and public (so a bit more censored than my diaries), but it still allows me to reflect back and be proud of what I’ve done.

Here’s to the next 3 years of Finding My Inner Bombshell!

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Getting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

Posted on June 11, 2015 | Comments Off on Getting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

After having so many days of “bad” food days, I knew I needed to get myself back in gear. If I didn’t, I would easily regain all the weight I had worked so hard to lose (plus some). I’ve been in this cycle for years (or decades) and I know that it won’t end on its own. I have to be proactive.

I’ve been trying to figure out what would be the best way to get back on track. I tried doing the diet plan from the cleanse again but that wasn’t working. I was feeling really sick and I couldn’t figure out what was causing it.

I also tried going back to my weekly meal prep, but whenever I did I felt like I wasn’t totally into it and found that I wasn’t satisfied with my meals. So I would eat something else (like take-out) or after my meal I would still eat something else.

I think that it is so hard for me to find a “normal” diet because I’ve never really had one. Even as a kid and teenager I had food issues. So normal is completely abnormal to me.

But I have to find my own normal. So I’ve been working on that this week. I’ve been doing research on food options and seeing what seems most likely for me to follow.

Basically, I’m back to a similar plan to the cleanse with many modifications. I’m trying to just have fruit for breakfast. I was hungry at the beginning because I’ve gotten used to bigger breakfasts (usually a waffle with peanut butter), but I’m starting to feel more comfortable just having fruit in the morning. On Mondays when I have a morning workout I might have something more substantial, but on non-workout mornings I’m good with just fruit.

Lunches are a bit more varied. I’ve had sandwiches, apples with cheese, or a microwave meal (I’m trying to stick with the more organic ones even though I know those still aren’t ideal). Basically lunch needs to be something that is quick to put together and easy to eat. And hopefully something that I can put down and continue eating later if I get a call from a customer at work.

On workout days, I sometimes have a snack after work. Usually those are pre-packaged individual serving bags of cashews. Those help keep me from feeling too hungry or light-headed during my workout.

Dinners are still a struggle. I know better options for take out that I can get if necessary, but I’m really trying to make more dinners at home (especially on nights that I’m not working out or going somewhere). I’m doing a lot of rice bowls with either beans and veggies or a veggie burger on top. Those aren’t bad options, but I’m hoping to figure out something else besides rice bowls that I like to make for dinner (and don’t make me wish I had something else).

These are baby steps in the right direction, but at least they are on the right direction. I’m hoping that I’m finally able to find a balance that works for me in the long-term and doesn’t just feel like a quick fix (like everything has in the past).

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)

Posted on June 5, 2015 | Comments Off on Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)

Lately I’ve been writing about some struggles I’m been having. I’m writing about them for a couple of reasons. One is that sometimes I don’t have much to say and sharing the struggles is something that can be shared. The other is that I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can on this blog. I don’t want to hide things or only show the good parts of my life. So many people do that on social media and it really doesn’t do anyone any good. Everyone goes through rough times and it’s only fair to show the good and the bad in your life if you are sharing it publicly.

But through me sharing my struggles on here, even at the beginning of my blog, I’ve gotten so much support. It shocked me then and it still shocks me now. Even though I know that I’m loved and cared about, having support is always unexpected and very much appreciated.

I’ve gotten so much support lately from so many people. A lot of people have helped me deal with my grandpa’s death. I’m still struggling with this because I haven’t really felt too sad about it and that makes me feel like a horrible person. But my grandpa and I have had a very complicated relationship and I think that I’m just trying to work through that.

I had so much support over the years about my mom’s cancer. The support was so wonderful when I got it and while I wish that nobody else has to go through cancer, I’m glad that I’m now able to repay the favor and give other support.

But the support that I’ve gotten for my eating disorder really has been the best. I’ve dealt with a couple of haters and rude comments in the past on here, but I just delete those. I know that I will probably always have one or two random people who believe that I’m talking about my eating disorder on here as a way to get attention or to hope that my blog post goes viral (both things I’ve been accused of in the past). But I do it for me and if someone else gets something out of it, then that’s awesome.

Every bit of support that I’ve gotten has helped me so much in my journey. I really wonder where I would be today if I didn’t have the support that I get virtually or in person. I’m such a happier and more productive person now than I was before. And every single one of you who reads this has been a part of the change in my life.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me in my good times and bad times (that totally sounds like wedding vows), thank you for cheering me on in person at races or at the gym, and thank you for inspiring me to be a better person.

I got tagged in this photo the other day by a friend of mine, and I think it perfectly expresses how I should feel about the journey I’ve been on so far, even with my setbacks. And you all remind me of this whenever I have a tough day.

FB Quote

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

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Giving Fitbit Another Chance (or Doing Laps Around My Living Room)

Posted on April 15, 2015 | Comments Off on Giving Fitbit Another Chance (or Doing Laps Around My Living Room)

I’ve previously written about Fitbit on here. I had a pretty bad experience with them and I returned the Fitbit I bought then almost right away.

I was ok not having a Fitbit for a while. I had used a pedometer in the past and it wasn’t something that really excited me.

But lately, more and more of my friends have been talking about competing against each other on Fitbit. I learned that I could use the Fitbit app and have  my steps counted by my phone. So since that was free, I did it.

But I realized that all the steps I take at Orangetheory didn’t count since I wasn’t holding my phone while I worked out. So I started looking into getting a Fitbit device again.

I looked at the ones you wear on your wrist, but it didn’t seem right for me. First, I already wear a watch so I didn’t want something else on my wrist. And secondly, it probably wouldn’t count my steps on the treadmill at Orangetheory because I have to hold onto the treadmill (balance issues).

So I decided on the Fitbit One. It’s pretty small and I can either wear it on my pants on in the middle of my bra (I’ve been going with the middle of the bra choice since it’s totally out-of-the-way).

Fitbit One Size

During my workouts at Orangetheory, I’ve been putting it on my pants since my sports bra goes up much higher than a normal bra.

It’s nice to count all my steps during the day. And the app on my iPhone is super easy to use and read.

Fitbit Tracking

But what I’ve been loving the most about Fitbit this time (besides the fact that it’s working and syncing perfectly) is the social and competitive aspect of it.

You can be friends with different people on there and see how you rank against each other over the past 7 days. Since I just started using the Fitbit, I’m pretty low in the rankings but I’m moving up.

And through the app they also have a bunch of different challenges that you can do with your friends. Right now, I’m doing a weekday challenge with 9 other people (including my agent). But over the weekend, we did a weekend challenge.

Fitbit Competition

I didn’t win that one (and I don’t think I’ll win the weekday one either), but I had a lot of fun doing it. And it’s really motivating me to get as many steps during the day that I can. I’ve been doing laps around my house between customers at work or while I’m watching tv shows that don’t need that much attention. And since I live in such a tiny house, my laps are only like 5 steps each way.

But every step adds up and since Saturday (when I got the Fitbit), I’ve hit my target of 10,000 steps each day! And all of those steps equal more calories burned, so it will be helping me to reach more goals. This is all wins for me.

Are any of you on Fitbit? I’d love to have more friends to compete against!

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Splurging In San Diego (or Back To My Boring Food)

Posted on April 10, 2015 | 1 comment

While I was in San Diego, I didn’t really worry about what I was eating.

The hotel that we stayed at had a full breakfast. So I ate eggs and a banana both mornings I was there (I also had a muffin one morning). Most of the other options at breakfast were carbs, and I’ve learned from experience that I do best when I have some protein at breakfast.

We didn’t really do lunch any day. I got something to eat, but it was more of a “grab what you want” sort of situation. I pretty much had leftovers from dinner or some of the banana bread that I brought down.

And for dinner, the first two nights my mom cooked. They were super delicious meals and she also made dessert. My family’s favorite dessert is her triple layer brownies (the bottom layer is the gluten-free brownie that I make). I had a brownie each night.

Triple Layer Brownies

We also went out to dinner at the restaurant in the building that my grandma lives in for the last night. That dinner is usually 3 courses, but I had to leave before dessert.

With all that eating, there was pretty much no exercise. Most of the day each day was spent in my grandma’s apartment. I really didn’t get out for a walk or anything each day. I didn’t think about the lack of exercise since I was so focused on family stuff.

That’s not the routine that I’m used to. But fortunately, I didn’t gain too much weight over the few days I was in San Diego. And as soon as I got home, I got back to my regular food.

I’m really eating pretty boring these days. But I’m ok with that. I like having a routine and a plan of what I will be eating throughout the day. I’m still working on what I want as a regular breakfast (right now it’s a multi-grain waffle with peanut butter and a banana), but I’ve got my lunch down.

At least on work days, I’m eating almost the same thing every day for lunch.

Turkey Burger Lunch

A turkey burger on top of some veggies (usually peas, corn, or broccoli). It’s a good meal to eat and I’m fortunate enough to work from home so I can make a nice lunch each day.

My dinner tends to be a rice bowl. Whether I add beans and veggies to the rice or a veggie burger, it’s usually brown rice based. I do want to work on adding more fruits and veggies to my meals, but I don’t want to force it either.

I’m sure that eventually I will get sick of this for lunch and dinner, but for now it’s working for me. And by making a majority of my days “good days”, those splurges I have occasionally don’t hurt my weight loss efforts too much.

But I am still thinking about those triple layer brownies. I wish I had one to eat today.

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

Posted on April 2, 2015 | Comments Off on The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

I’ve been having a lot of bad foods days lately.

I honestly don’t know why.

I’m stocking my fridge and pantry with a lot of the same things that I was eating during the cleanse and weight loss challenge. But I’ll go out and get “bad” foods if they aren’t in my house. And I always immediately regret the fact that I ate the “bad” foods as soon as it’s done.

This isn’t a boredom thing. It’s just the nature of my eating disorder. I almost go into a trance state when it happens. I sometimes don’t realize that I ate something until I see the empty wrapper or container in front of me. It scares me that I can lose track of time and myself and not realize it.

I have no idea why I did so well while on the cleanse and I’m having a tough time now. It really makes no sense to me. But this is a pattern that I’ve had in the past. When I’m on a food plan that has a specific end goal (like my first hip surgery or the weight loss challenge), I can do ok. But when the goal is a general one, whatever keeps me on the right path goes away.

The one big difference between now and other times when I’ve lost a decent amount of weight is that I’m still continuing with my workouts (and pushing myself more and more). Having my workout consistency is helping me with not gaining all the weight back right away. In the past, the weight came back as fast (if not faster) than I lost it.

I have gained back some. It’s less than half of what I lost, so that’s not too horrible. And my weight has held steady for the past week and a half at the amount I’ve gained back. I’m working really hard at trying to get back down to where I was (and get lower). My clothes aren’t too tight, so I know that the weight I’ve gained could be water weight. Normally when it’s “real” weight, my clothes feel tight immediately.

I’m still trying to focus on the fact that I’m still weighing less now than I was at the beginning of the year. And I’m making steps to be at a weight that I need to get to in order to consider getting my hip surgery.

I’m not sure if I’ll have another bad food moment/day in the near future. I’m really going to try to stay focused on my time and not to let time slip away. I’m continuing to plan out all my meals and hopefully with having it written out early in the day will give me something to focus (while I don’t like the idea of counting down the minutes to my next meal, it might help keep me on track).

This is all just the nature of the beast of this eating disorder. I’m aware that this post might sound odd and rambling, but that’s how it is in my head. I’m trying to focus and put all these things in order but it doesn’t seem to have an order to go to.

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