I’ve written almost 2,000 blog posts. I actually didn’t realize the number was that high until I looked it up. 2,000 posts is a huge number. And I don’t really look back at old posts that often. Sometimes I look back at an old post to see what date it happened. Sometimes I look over an old post when I’m linking to it on a new post and I wanted to double-check that it’s the post I want to link to. But there are so many posts that I haven’t really looked back at since I wrote it.
Last week, I was trying to find a post where I talked about my exercise bike. I really thought there was one where I wrote about getting it, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for. But I did end up looking over several old posts. And one that I had to read completely was one I wrote in November 2012 titled “Trying to Gain The Fitness Bug (or I Wish I Was More Motivated).
It was a short post as many of my posts in the first year of blogging were. This post was about how I was doing ok with my eating (which thinking back on it, I question a bit but at the time I felt like I was doing good) but that my biggest struggle was working out. At that time, I didn’t have something that hooked me and got me to go on a regular basis.
And I ended the post with this: “I know plenty of people who are essentially addicted to exercise. They crave it every day. I want to be one of them.”
I think it’s pretty clear now that I’m exactly the person I wanted to be! I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say I’m addicted to exercise, but there’s no doubt that I crave it. If I don’t get my 4 workouts in during the week, I feel like something is off. Even doing 3 workouts in a week doesn’t feel normal. I want my 4 workouts and I will go out of my way to make that happen if I can.
I do remember how I was feeling in 2012 wishing I could find some form of exercise that I would connect with. But for some reason, I haven’t thought about that old version of me in a long time. And I haven’t reflected back on that idea and that I’m exactly who I dreamed of being back then. And thinking about that has given me hope about so many things. There are a lot of things now that I dream of being or gaining in my life. They seem so far away from me now and I don’t know how I will get to that point. But that’s exactly how I felt about exercise back then. I never could have imagined that I’d be the person that I am now. I wanted to be this way, but I didn’t know how to get there. And then I found the workout that clicked with me and I never looked back.
I have no idea what I need to find that will help me gain the things I want in my life now, but knowing that I could go from being clueless in how I will achieve a goal to easily accomplishing that goal makes me optimistic. I won’t know what thing will get me to my goal until it happens, and being clueless about that doesn’t prevent me from getting there. I don’t need to know the way I will get to the answer now. Hopefully, the answer will come to me in some way. And then when that happens, I can look back at this time when I was struggling to get to my goal and be so grateful that I made it.
I’m sure if I didn’t have this blog that I eventually would have come to this realization, but it was nice to almost be forced into seeing what I wanted back then and how I have it now. I was having a bit of a low day when I was writing the post and I needed that boost. When I read what I was thinking in 2012, I had to think about how far I have come and how I really did become what I wanted. And that was a nice feeling and moment of reflection for me when I was really down on myself.
I really hope that I have this type of moment again soon because it really was a nice way to look back at the old me and see that I have become the me that person was dreaming of being.
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