Tag Archives: recovery

A Non-Workout Week Recap (or I Hated Taking Time Off)

Posted on February 13, 2023 | 1 comment

After my last workout recap, I was really hoping I would have a good workout week this past week. What I didn’t expect was having to take the entire week off from working out due to being sick. I knew over the weekend that I had a bit of a cold, but I didn’t think it would it would affect my entire week. And maybe if it had been a normal cold, I only would have needed to take one or two days off.

I knew pretty early on Sunday that I would need to take Monday off. I was dealing with a lot of issues with my cold and I knew that showing up when I was coughing that much wouldn’t be a polite thing to do to everyone else. I also knew that I could use extra sleep so sleeping in would be nice.

By Monday night, I was feeling better except for my throat. And because of the swelling in my throat, the pain was really intense and I didn’t feel like I could fully catch my breath. Exercising when you can’t catch your breath isn’t a smart thing to do so I figured I would take another day off. Unfortunately, that continued to be the pattern through the rest of the week.

My throat was starting to get a little better by Thursday, but it was still not great and I knew that I just had to keep taking the week off. I debated going in on days I normally take off, but I decided against that since even by the weekend I wasn’t fully recovered. I don’t want to make any of my symptoms last longer than they have to, so resting was the smartest plan. I could have worked out at home or even at the little gym my condo building has, but I decided to focus on rest and recovery. I did do some stretching workouts, but that’s as intense as I got this past week.

I really hate taking time off from working out. I still am shocked that I say that, but it’s true. It’s become such a part of my routine and I can feel it when I need to work out now. It’s not just about getting to my workout goals each month or year, I really crave working out now. And having to take time off when I could convince myself maybe I should go is tough. When I took the week off because of my foot, that was different. This time, I had to be smart and mature and know that this was the best choice for me.

As I’m writing this, I fully plan on going back this week. I’m still not 100%, but I’m doing significantly better. And I know I’ll need to ease back into things no matter what so going easy this week will be good for a few reasons. There are studies that show that working out can help you get over a cold, but I knew that I needed to wait until it was a bit safer for me to work out. I did get to miss what should be the worse of my pain and nausea by having this past week off, but I know that could continue into this week as well. So I might be dealing with that besides everything else I have. But I know I can handle it because I’ve done that before.

Hopefully, I won’t need to take more time off from working out anytime soon. I know I did the best thing for myself, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I want to get back to my normal and somewhat crazy routine and I hope that happens this week!

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Default ThumbnailNot My Normal Workout Recap (or At Least I Was Feeling Ok During The Week) Default ThumbnailI Hate Having A Hard Workout Week (or Not My Usual Workout Recap) Default ThumbnailNot My Usual Workout Recap Post (or I Survived A Bad Week) Default ThumbnailShort and Sweet Workout Week (or Taking It A Bit Easy) Default ThumbnailNot The Workout Week I Expected (or I’m Craving My Workouts) Default ThumbnailNot The Workout Week I Was Expecting (or At Least I Made It To My Workouts)

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Feeling More Like Myself (or I Know Getting Back On Track Takes Time)

Posted on July 22, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling More Like Myself (or I Know Getting Back On Track Takes Time)

As I wrote a few days ago, I was dealing with some really bad days with my eating disorder. They were rough and I really felt low, both mentally and physically. I knew that my eating disorder could affect me in really extreme ways, but I really hadn’t dealt with those issues until this past weekend. And even though I recognized that I was dealing with some bad days and working my way out of them, I knew it would likely take some time because things can’t always bounce back quickly.

Getting back to eating regularly was something I could start working on right away, but the effects of having a few days without eating well are still with me. I’m feeling weak from time to time and my food schedule is still off. I have used alarms in the past to remind myself to eat, but I don’t always use them. But I knew that I needed to set them back up now so I wouldn’t go through the day without thinking about it. I still don’t always eat when I know I should, but at least I am being reminded about mealtimes. And I do try to figure out something I could eat either when I should eat or have something ready to eat in an hour or so. I am lucky that I never had issues with remembering to drink water, so I haven’t had the side effects you can get from dehydration. But not eating well really takes a toll on your body and I am still feeling some of them.

I knew that feeling more rested would take longer. You can’t really catch up on missed sleep, plus I don’t have that many days I can sleep in each week. I really can only sleep in a bit on Tuesdays and Sundays, but because I get up so early every other day I rarely sleep in that late. But I have been making more of a conscious effort to get to bed sooner and not stay up late watching tv or doing other things. I know that my tv shows can wait until the next day or later that week, so if it’s time I should start getting ready for bed and I’m in the middle of a show, I’m better about just pausing it and turning off the tv. I can get back to them later and I know that getting more sleep will benefit me more in my life. And fortunately, the issues I was having with not being able to sleep or stay asleep have almost gone away. I do still wake up during the night occasionally, but I am not struggling as much as I did at the beginning of the week with falling asleep or going back to sleep. So even if I’m not getting as many hours of sleep as I should, it’s now more consistent sleep during the night.

But what I think is the most important part about getting back to feeling normal is that I am not being hard on myself. I can’t expect perfection, especially when I’m working on getting over some tough days. As much as I would have liked for it to be like a light switch and for things to instantly get better, I am being patient with myself and not looking at these lingering issues as reasons to give up. I know that I will get back to feeling normal eventually, but it will take time. And being upset with myself wouldn’t make things faster, so there’s no point in feeling that way.

Hopefully, I will just continue to feel more and more normal again and I don’t have any new setbacks, but I also know that additional setbacks are always possible. But I’m working on staying optimistic and doing what I can to get over the rough days I went through earlier this week so I can move on to better days.

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Default ThumbnailA Rough Weekend For Me (or Working On Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailFinding My Way Back On Track (or A New Balance) Default ThumbnailAnother Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine) Default ThumbnailRoutine Time Again (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailFeeling Normal Again (or Happy To Be Back In Control) Default ThumbnailGetting Back On Track (or Another Continuation Of A Monthly Challenge)

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Not Doing A Lot For Now (or Managing Without Preparation)

Posted on January 28, 2022 | Comments Off on Not Doing A Lot For Now (or Managing Without Preparation)

I haven’t had many surgical procedures in the past. But except for the one on my foot, they were things I planned for and had some preparation done. For my hip surgery, I prepared a lot with different things around my place to manage the day to day stuff after surgery. I had a chair in my shower since I couldn’t stand up unsupported. I had organized things in my room so I didn’t have to search for things I would need. I did similar things for when I had my tonsils out. When I had the surgery on my face, I was prepared with what I would need to take care of my skin and to keep the scar to a minimum. And for my liver surgery that didn’t happen, I was very prepared for recovering at home and the challenges that might bring.

But for my foot, I wasn’t expecting to have anything other than a normal doctor exam. And I know this was a minor procedure and I should recover soon, but I was still unprepared for it. I actually was planning on going grocery shopping after my appointment, which I clearly didn’t do. So when I got home after my appointment, I tried to get some things set up in my house so I could relax while I let my foot recover.

One of the good things about living in such a small space is that I don’t have to do a lot of walking around my house. As long as I’m only stepping down on my toes on my left side, I don’t have to use my crutches. So I haven’t been using them in my house. I’m glad I can do this because crutches are pretty uncomfortable and I wasn’t going to order things online to make them more comfortable.

But I have been figuring out things I haven’t been prepared for and have been finding ways around them. I had to order some medical supplies online to be delivered because I didn’t have what I would need when I changed the bandages. I am grateful for next day delivery because I got everything I needed and I’ve been able to change the bandages and make sure I’m healing well (so far, things look like they are the way they should be). Showering is a bit tough because I’m not supposed to get my foot wet. I wrapped my foot in plastic, put a hair tie around the top, and taped the top of the plastic to try to keep as much water out. And because I have to balance on my toes and my foot is in plastic, it’s a bit slippery. So I put a towel on the floor so there would be a bit more grip there. But it was tough and I know it will be tough for the next week or two.

There are a few things I have to do outside my house while I’m recovering, but I’m trying to limit them or combine what I can into one errand. But I will do what I have to and use my crutches. And I just have to remember that this is only for maybe two weeks.

This will be a blip in my life before I know it. And the most important thing for me to do right now is to take it easy, rest, and let my foot recover and heal so I can move past this.

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Another Thing I’m Learning In Isolation (or Eating Disorder Issues)

Posted on April 10, 2020 | Comments Off on Another Thing I’m Learning In Isolation (or Eating Disorder Issues)

There are so many things that I’m learning about myself and about the world right now. Yes, there are so many sad stories happening and I have friends who have lost loved ones. But I also have never heard of so many stories about how people are helping each other and coming together. I have learned that I’m much more of an extrovert than I thought (I thought I was an introvert until this). We haven’t been doing this for that long and I expect us to have to do this for a while, so I’m sure there will be so many other things I will learn about myself and about others.

But I have also come across issues that I never thought about before that are only happening because of being in isolation. And the biggest ones for me have been with my struggle to recover from my eating disorder. First, my workouts have been so good for me with feeling better about myself. But now, I’m not able to do my workouts the way that I have gotten used to. I’m not able to work out as hard and I’m missing a lot of cardio (I’m working on fixing that, but it’s not easy). Having something that felt like it was helping removed from my life has been hard. I don’t know if I was struggling this way before joining Orangetheory because I didn’t know what I was missing. I don’t know how to get the same feeling I get in class when I don’t have others around me supporting me and pushing me. But it’s something that I have accepted would be difficult to deal with so I’m working on it.

But the biggest challenge or struggle with my eating disorder has been about food (which is usually my issue). I am not used to having this much food in my house. I don’t like it because it makes me uncomfortable. But I know I have to do things this way because I need to limit how often I go to the store. And I’m not keeping foods in my house that I usually keep because I have to find more shelf-stable things or some of the things that I like to have aren’t available or easy to find right now. If I’m craving something, I can’t always find it. And I can’t have a binge of the foods I have in my house because I need that to eat for the rest of the week.

I’m also almost feeling food insecure because of those issues. I know that I’m not actually dealing with food insecurity and that’s a real and serious issue, but that’s the best way I can describe it. I know I have food and I would be fine if I couldn’t get more for a week or two. I wouldn’t be eating anything fabulous, but I have things like pancake mix and ramen that I could have. But I don’t have things that are as familiar to me and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get those again. Going to the grocery store has been stressful, but I have been able to avoid it for the past few weeks. I’ve had both grocery delivery and a friend help me, so it’s been easier now that I haven’t had to deal with going to the store myself. I’m not feeling anxiety by the lines or by being frustrated that I can’t get the things on my list. But I’m also feeling a bit out of control when I don’t see immediately what will be something that can be purchased. It’s a weird situation where I don’t know if I can win.

I’ve seen several articles and heard some podcasts that discuss these issues and say how this is a difficult time for anyone who has had or currently has an eating disorder. Even people in recovery are finding this a challenge and knowing that has made me feel a bit better about my struggles. I’m not alone by any means in this and that is reassuring. There haven’t been a lot of suggestions on how to work through this yet because this isn’t something that people have experience with. The main thing I have heard over and over again is that people need to be gentle with themselves and know that there may be setbacks right now. And that is ok because we are dealing with something that nobody has ever been through before. If right now my recovery takes a bit of a pause, that doesn’t mean I have ruined everything that I have worked for. I can get back to what I was doing before. And maybe I will start to pick up some skills that I can use to help me soon. I don’t know yet, but I am trying to stay optimistic.

I’m sure there will be other things that come up in the coming weeks and months that will be challenges and struggles that I wasn’t expecting. Even when things start getting better, I know that they won’t be just like they were before. We all will need to ease back into normal so we can feel comfortable with not being isolated anymore. But just because things won’t go back to the way they were before immediately doesn’t mean that they will be worse. I hope that I can find a way to make things better for me in the future. And if I can’t, I will just have to keep reminding myself that this time is temporary and any issues I have with my recovery are temporary as well.

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An Almost End Of The Year Review (or Looking Back At My Goals)

Posted on December 28, 2018 | 1 comment

I know there are still a few more days left in the year, but I wanted to get my end of the year recap done before the new year started. I feel like it’s a nice transition to have a clean break from year to year and I didn’t necessarily want to spend the beginning of the new year going through the past. So I figured with a few days left I would have a good idea on where I would stand with my goals by the end of the year.

My first goal I had this year was to do 199 Orangetheory workouts. That one I accomplished and I’ll finish out the year with a few more! I should be at 206 workouts by the last day of the year unless something happens that prevents me from going to one of my planned workouts. But even if I didn’t go for those classes, I will still be ahead of the goal! I did 4 workouts a week almost every week which made it easy to make it to over 199. I thought I’d have more 3 workout weeks over the year but I didn’t have that many. I tried to look back at my schedule and I don’t think I had any 5 workout weeks (I could be wrong) which is what I thought I’d need to do a few times to make sure I made it to my goal. I’m so glad that this goal ended up being relatively easy to accomplish since it seemed like one that would be tough for me.

And I’m lucky that first goal was easy for me to accomplish because it ended up being the only goal I really did accomplish that I had set for myself. I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but for some of these goals I didn’t meet there is a reason. But I still need to hold myself accountable for why I didn’t do what I was hoping to do.

The next 2 goals I had are somewhat related. I wanted to find a 5K race to do and I wanted to get a new PR on my mile time. Neither of those happened and if I’m being totally honest I really don’t care too much that they didn’t happen. Doing 5K races was a big part of my life for a long time, but that was also a while ago. I didn’t have Orangetheory when I did a bunch of races every year and I think having a regular workout has made me not feel as motivated to find races. I had a few races that I kept doing, but once they stopped having races each year I didn’t try to find a replacement. And with wanting to get a new mile PR time, I really thought I’d be able to do much more running this year than I have been able to do. This is due to multiple factors like getting sick, my hormonal nausea, and other things that have prevented me from using the treadmill as much as I wanted to do. Getting a new mile PR used to be so important to me and a sign of my progress, but I’ve had to learn new ways to measure my progress and the mile time has lost some of the importance it used to have.

The next goal I failed on is one that I feel like I have the most excuses for. I had a number in my head that I wanted to get my debt below. I was making real progress toward this for the first part of the year and I was so excited about it. But then I didn’t have as many hours with one of my jobs as I thought I would have and then that job wasn’t able to offer me a new contract like we expected. Being down one job meant that I didn’t have the money to put toward paying my credit card that I used to and I had to start using my credit card for more things than I would have liked to. Losing a job and using my credit card to pay for regular expenses is how I got into debt. I’m trying to stop this before it gets as bad as it did before (and I’ll have more on that in my 2019 goals), but it did increase how much I owed on the card. It’s unfortunate, but it’s my reality. I wasn’t expecting to lose a job and I don’t make enough money right now to really have savings to cover a job loss. I know this is bad and I want to fix this, but for now I have to just focus on finding a new job so I can get back to paying down my debt.

And my last goal I had for 2018 was to keep doing what I’ve been doing with my eating disorder recovery. While I wouldn’t say I necessarily failed at accomplishing this, but it didn’t go the way I planned it would. I did keep doing what I was doing and I’ve found new things that do work for me and I’ve dropped things that I found weren’t working for me anymore. I had the hope that I would feel like I made more progress by this point, but I also know that recovery is a weird journey and it’s not always easy to judge progress.

Even though I really only accomplished one of my goals I set for the year, I don’t see that necessarily as a bad thing. Instead, I feel like I had a minor failure to plan with my goals which is a newer issue for me. I think I need to allow myself to alter and change my goals throughout the year. If I had that as the plan, I would have switched out my running related goals before the year was half over to something else that was fitness related. Maybe I would have had a goal to be able to use a certain weight for an exercise or I would have changed it to a goal on the rower or bike. But I felt like my goals were set for the year and I didn’t want to alter them. That is something I will be changing as well as adding to my monthly challenge planning reminder to look back at my goals for the year to see what steps I need to make and if there are any changes that should happen.

It’s so funny to think about how happy I am to have goals I failed at because it has given me a lot of insight into myself and how I can make the next year even better. And I’ve got some interesting goals in mind for 2019 that I’ll be sharing next week that have been inspired by me not reaching my goals. Sometimes you need a setback to help you think clearly and I think that’s exactly what I had this year.

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Food Scheduling (or Trying Out New Things)

Posted on May 31, 2018 | Comments Off on Food Scheduling (or Trying Out New Things)

I’ve written about it so many times on here, but food issues are my biggest ones. It’s been a lifelong struggle and I’m guessing that it will be something I struggle with the rest of my life. I do hope that it will get easier for me one day, but I’m realistic in the idea that this will never go away completely.

I’ve struggled with what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat. And when I started taking Vyvnase, the struggle of when to eat became bigger than ever. When I started taking it, I could go a very long time without remembering to eat and then it would backfire. I would realize that it was already dinnertime and I was starving. Forgetting to eat was a new issue for me and I really didn’t expect it to happen. So planning to remember to eat became very important to me.

For the past year or so, I’ve had an alarm to go off to remind me to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it’s been very useful, especially to remember to eat lunch when I’m working. I don’t always eat full meals (especially for breakfast or lunch), but at least getting something into my stomach helps me not feel famished when I do remember to eat.

But when I was sick recently, I was barely eating. For most people, when they are sick and not eating they lose weight. For me, somehow I gain weight. I’ve never been able to explain it, but that’s how my body works. But because of this, I’ve always been fearful of not eating enough in a normal day and causing a weight gain. I know it’s crazy because I’ve done a super low calorie diet before and lost weight, but it’s still a fear in the back of my head.

When I was better, I assumed that I would want to get back to my normal eating schedule. But I was having issues with it. The biggest issue was eating a small breakfast before my morning workouts. I’ve always had a half of a banana or some peanut butter before a workout because I felt like I needed it to keep me from feeling nauseous. Lately even that much food was too much so I had some chocolate milk before a workout and that seemed to be fine. But now even doing that doesn’t feel right to me. So I’ve been doing my morning workouts on an empty stomach.

I know there is a lot of debate on if you should work out on an empty stomach or not. I’m not too worried about the studies because I need to do what is right for me. Some people say they can’t work out as hard if they don’t eat something first, but I’m still working my way back and rebuilding my endurance so there is really no way for me to know if it is affecting me or not. All I know is that I’m not feeling worse without eating right now.

I do try to eat something as soon as I get home from a workout, but I’ll admit that I don’t always do that. But even if I do, I’m basically eating 2 meals a day right now (there have been a few days where it was 1 meal, but I know that I ate too much). I’ve never thought that eating less would be ok with me and not trigger something, but at whatever phase this is of my life it does seem to not cause any issues.

I have friends who do intermittent fasting and love it. I don’t want to commit and say that this is what I’m doing, but I do know that most of my eating is taking place in a 6-8 hour period which does fit into the intermittent fasting plan. I’m starting to do a bit more research on it and how it works with eating disorders because the last thing I want to do is have this backfire soon and make things worse for me than what they were before. If it looks like this will be trouble, then I will go back to making myself eat the 3 meals a day. But I really hate to make myself eat something when I’m not hungry just because of what time it is.

There is a very good chance that this is just a short phase, like all my other food things have been. But I do just have to keep on trying what seems to be more natural and simple for me and hopefully something will work and stick soon. But I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from all the different things I’ve tried is to not feel like I need to stick 100% to any plan or to feel like I’m stuck doing something. I have to allow myself to be flexible because that is the only way to figure out what I will be able to do and maintain.

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Food And Budgeting (or Combining The Two Things I Often Struggle With)

Posted on April 10, 2018 | Comments Off on Food And Budgeting (or Combining The Two Things I Often Struggle With)

I’ve written several posts about my struggles with food. And I’ve also written a lot about issues with working on a budget that is manageable and will help me pay down my debt. Both of these things are things that I struggle with a lot and it seems like whenever I get a handle on things, something changes and I have to start from the beginning again. I know there is a connection between addiction/eating disorders and debt, but the connection for me is just starting to register.

Since food is something I will always need to buy, I have to budget for it. But things change week to week on what I need so I’m much more flexible with my budget in that category. I try to stay within a budget that I set for each week, but if I have to buy food and I’ve already hit what I wanted to spend that week I still have to get food. I know that some of this extra spending is due to lack of planning, and I’m working on that. I also have realized that I’ve been letting food go to waste if I forget to eat it and that adds to my expenses. So I’ve been working on fixing both of these problems at once.

Recently my dermatologist put me on an antibiotic that I took twice a day for 2 weeks. I had to take the medication with food and I couldn’t take it at the same time as my morning medications because of issues with the antibiotic and a multivitamin. So I planned on taking it at lunchtime and dinnertime each day since that would work with taking it with food. At that same time I started working out at the Culver City Orangetheory location, which meant lots of early morning workouts. And I can’t really eat too much before a morning workout, but at the same time I can’t work out on an empty stomach. So I had to start experimenting with what I eat and when I eat.

This can totally change (because like I said, things always change when I think I finally have a handle on it), but right now it’s been working to drink a little bit of chocolate milk before my workout and then having a meal around 11am (brunch?) and then dinner. While I know that I should be eating 3 meals a day at least, this plan has been working for a bit for both my weight loss and my budget. When I only have to think about 2 meals a day, somehow it’s easier for me to meal plan. And it’s almost more like 1 meal a day because I eat pretty much the same thing each day as my mid-day meal.

I know that for some people this is a no-brainer. Eating the same thing every day is a weight loss strategy that works for many people. Having a lack of variety does work for some people, but it’s never really worked for me before. The only exception to this was when I was doing the UCLA diet when there was no variety as I had the same thing 6 times a day. But when I could choose from whatever I wanted, having a lack of variety would lead to me doing last-minute grocery store runs to get something else to eat because I was bored with the plan I had.

I don’t know if it is timing or doing the morning workouts, but the lack of variety is working for me. The number on my scale is slowly going down and I’ve been able to limit how often I need to go to the grocery store. I still have some wasted food, but it’s significantly less than it was before. And I know that if I work on planning things out a bit better, I can improve on the budgeting even more.

Even though I’ve known that my food budget was a bit out of control, things just finally clicked with me recently that I needed to work on this. It’s one of the few areas in my budget that has flexibility and I know that it is possible to eat what I need to while spending less money. Hopefully having this plan will not only keep my budget in a better place but will continue to limit how often I have to confront what I want to eat. If I don’t have to think about it, I can avoid grocery stores when I know that I am just looking for junk food to eat.

Just like every other time I think I have things worked out, I am hopeful that this may work but I am also realistic that this could just be something that is working temporarily. But I hope that whatever skills and tricks I learn while this is working are things that I can keep using even if I can’t keep up the current plan.

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A Quick Vyvanse Update (or I Guess Forgetting Helps Time Pass)

Posted on March 30, 2018 | 1 comment

I’ve been on my new dosage of Vyvanse for a couple of months now. Even though I built in a transition period to the new dosage (as well as taking all my medication in the morning instead of splitting it up), I struggled for a long time with the dosage. I was feeling some similar symptoms to what I had when I started like a racing heart rate and some light-headedness. And when I had the phone call check up with my therapist, we discussed these issues since I was feeling a bit concerned.

My therapist encouraged me to keep taking the new dosage because I might just be having a longer adjustment period than I’m used to. While I’d like to say that I trusted her opinion, I felt pretty certain that she was wrong and I would need to go back to a lower dose. But I told her that I would give it until I needed to refill my prescription before I judged anything too much. I wasn’t that far into my prescription when I had that phone call, but I also knew that there could be an adjustment period and I had to see what would happen. Because I am monitored while taking Vyvanse, I knew that even with the side effects I might be feeling I wasn’t doing anything harmful to my body. I just had to see if things would eventually feel right again with me.

The other day I finished the first pill bottle and moved on to the second (my prescription is split into 2 bottles because of how many pills there are in a single refill) and I realized that I’m halfway through trying this dose before needing a refill. And I haven’t had any side effects for a little while either. It’s so weird because I really can’t remember the last time I felt my heart race issues unless I look at my workout blog posts and see when I wrote about it. Time just kind of went by and I didn’t even think about it.

I do think that maybe some of this could be because I’m not working out in the afternoons anymore, but at the same time that doesn’t necessarily make sense because I take my medication in the morning. But maybe since those morning workouts are even earlier, the medication might not be totally in my system yet? I don’t know and I also don’t know why I’m trying to justify anything. I should just be really happy that I’m feeling more normal again.

I think I was so focused on the side effects for so long because I was paranoid that I really didn’t think as much about how much this might be helping me. Of course, I am reminded of that whenever I have a day I don’t take it (like if I have the rare chance to sleep in). It does take the edge off of things and I still have days where food is the last thing on my mind. I struggle on those days to remember to eat even though I do have reminders to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But it’s all baby steps and I’m working on it.

I’m really so happy that the adjustment period seems to be over now. I didn’t express on here how worried I was about it and how often I wondered if I was making a mistake changing things up the way I did. I had so much trust in my old therapist and it was tough to give that much trust to someone new. And having issues with my medications was making that trust even tougher for me to give. But even without fully trusting my doctor, I had to just suck it up and believe that eventually it would get better and she knows what is possibly best for me.

Thankfully now I know that she was right (even though she was willing to admit if she was wrong and readjust things for me if needed) and that I’m over the hump I was dealing with. I want to get back to trying to run but I also know that I’ve lost so much progress over the past few months. I probably will need to start over with my running with running for 30 seconds to a minute at a time. But I know that I have built up my running endurance in the past and I’ll be able to get back there again eventually. And hopefully with the stress of the side effects out of my mind now, I can focus on other things in my life. There are more important and more fun things I’d like to have occupying my mind and now I can do that again without feeling like I’m being fake and ignoring a possible issue.

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An Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)

Posted on February 8, 2018 | 1 comment

Yesterday I had a check-in with my new therapist. This check-in was mainly to see how I was doing with the new medication dosage. I explained how I had been taking the increases slowly and that I am still adjusting to the new dosage, and she seemed to be pretty happy with the plan. It’s hard to tell what the correct dosage will be, so it will be a lot of trial and error. This is a different process than what I was doing with my old therapist, but I do like this new plan. I feel like it is more collaborative and that we are more of a team than a doctor telling me what to do.

This appointment was so much easier than what I’m used to because it was a phone call appointment. Yesterday morning, we had a time that my therapist was going to call me and we were going to talk over how things went. Of course, if I felt like I needed to meet in person I could have done that. But my therapist suggested a phone appointment for a check-in because it is easier to schedule and wouldn’t take up as much of my time. It was nice not having to drive to and from the appointments and being able to get it done early in the morning before I started work. I felt much more relaxed while talking because it didn’t feel as formal.

I don’t know why my old therapist never suggested phone appointments. I know that with him, he was much more into seeing if there was any more talk therapy that I wanted to do. Even though we came to the conclusion that I don’t really have issues to work through, I just have some sucky circumstances that I need to not rule my life. But those circumstances aren’t things I need to figure out, we know what they are and what they are doing to my mind. But he still liked to talk things through much more than this new therapist. This new therapist understands that in a way I only go in for appointments because I’m on a medication that requires it. She understands that talk therapy might be something I want in the future, but right now it’s not the priority in getting me into recovery. It’s a very different mindset, but I’m glad I had my old therapist in the beginning and this new therapist now.

In my phone call, I did discuss my issues with my workouts. It is frustrating to not be able to do cardio the way I want to, but I also need to give myself a decent amount of time to adjust to things. We did discuss brining my medication back down to a lower dosage (either what I started on or the middle dosage I was doing), but we both agreed that I haven’t had enough time yet on this new dosage to see if it will allow my workouts to get back to normal. I do like how I am feeling on this new dose and I feel like the medication is working much better, so I want to give it as much of a chance as possible. And I do have options if I need them and those won’t be going away so I can take my time.

My next medication refill will be in about 2 months. I will need to call or email my therapist to request the refill due to the restrictions on the medication. And at that point I think I will know what dosage I want to be on. And my therapist seems to agree that the timeline sounds good to her too. Of course, if in 2 weeks I feel like I need to step down to a lower dose, I can call in and she can write me a new prescription. But my plan is to try to take the next 2 months to see how I feel in all aspects of my life. If my eating disorder is significantly better but I can’t run, that might be a sacrifice I want to make. While my workouts are important, my recovery is more important and the priority in my life.

For my first phone appointment, I think it went really well and it reinforced the idea in my head that this is the therapist that I need now. She is much more scientific about things and that is really what works for me right now. My next appointment with my therapist (not counting in 2 months when I get my medication refill) will be in 6 months. I’m on the same appointment timeline as I was in the past, which is nice since I wasn’t sure it would be that way with a new doctor. But the next appointment is going to be unique because it’s going to be my first time ever doing a video chat appointment with a doctor! I’m actually pretty excited to have that option too because again it will save me the time of driving back and forth!

I know that not everyone likes technology, but I love that I have options to do virtual appointments with my therapist! It really helps to make appointments fit into my schedule better and I think that it will give me more options for when I can make appointments in the future. All of these things are good things and make me really hopeful that I’m on the right path toward recovery!

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

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Reflecting Back On 2017 (Kind Of Reaching My Goals)

Posted on December 29, 2017 | Comments Off on Reflecting Back On 2017 (Kind Of Reaching My Goals)

I can’t believe this is my last blog post of 2017! It seems like it wasn’t that long ago that I was writing my goals for the year. This year definitely wasn’t what I expected it to be, but that was mostly for the best. But because of things not being the way I thought they would, some of my goals didn’t end up happening the way I thought. For some goals I totally surpassed what I expected and for others they didn’t happen. But even with the non-successes (I don’t consider them failures), I learned a lot.

My first goal I had for 2017 was 181 workouts. When I set that goal, I expected to be out for a little while when I had surgery so I thought it might be a bit of a stretch. I tried to make up for the time I thought I would be missing by doing more weeks of 4 workouts a week. That ended up being my new normal which was pretty exciting. And then I didn’t have surgery so I didn’t have to take the time away that I thought I would. But that didn’t slow me down and as long as the last few days this month go as planned I will be ending the year with 196 workouts!

I was pretty shocked when I looked at my total and saw how far over my goal I had gone. I knew I was going to be doing more than I thought, but I didn’t think I’d be 15 workouts ahead of my goal. That’s pretty amazing and even if every workout wasn’t the best one, consistency is so important and I think I’ve proved to myself that I have that.

My next goal I had for the year was to get through my liver surgery as easily as possible. I’ve got a history of having an easy time with surgeries, but this was going to be the first time I would have to stay overnight at the hospital and it was a much more extreme surgery than any I’ve had before. Well, as you all probably know from all of my posts about it, I didn’t have surgery. So technically there was no way for me to accomplish this goal. But I reframed it in my mind to be more about getting through this entire situation about my liver with less stress. And I think I did accomplish that. I think that I will always be a little nervous before going in for an MRI because I don’t want the tumors to grow, but beyond that time I really don’t think about my tumors that much at all. I do think about them once a day when I do visualization, but after that I try to not focus on it.

Next was to work on my recovery and hopefully reduce my binge episodes. I’m torn on how I did on this goal. I think that I have made some big strides in my recovery and there was some time where my binges were the most infrequent they have ever been, but that didn’t last. I don’t know what I need to do to keep that momentum, but my awareness is higher than ever and I consider that a win. I think this past year I’ve also become more aware of how long this recovery journey may take and that even if it doesn’t feel like I’m taking steps forward I am. I wish that some of my progress was more obvious and the results could be seen, but I think I’ll just have to wait a bit on that. But it’s a good thing that there isn’t a deadline to be recovered.

Next was a money related goal. I wanted to reduce my debt to be at a number that I had in my head. That reduction would have been about 25% of the debt I have and would have been amazing. I didn’t quite make it to that number, but I did get my debt down about 19% which is better than I have done before. This is also after getting a major reduction in my hours at one of my jobs. I went from 12-15 hours a week to 4 which cut my income down a lot. So to be able to reduce my debt that much and re-budget my life with the reduced money coming in is a big step. I wish I could have done more, but I also know that the circumstances weren’t easy and to reduce the debt at all took a lot of work.

I also set a goal to have a new PR in my 5K race. That worked out pretty well for me since I had a new PR at the one 5K I did this year. I had that PR on the course with the hills which usually slows me down. But because I had my running intervals longer that made up for any decrease in speed I had on my hills. To PR is awesome and I’m so happy that I was able to do that. But I was sad that I only had 1 race this year and that I didn’t have another chance to try to improve on that PR. Next year will be weird because neither of the 5Ks I usually do will be happening, but at least I know that I hit my 2017 goal for my races!

And my final goal for this year was to have more fun. I think I totally succeeded in this! I had so many Disney and Universal adventures with friends. I went to a lot of fun parties and just tried to have a lot of fun with the random things of life. And even though dating can be crazy and stressful at times, I’ve been having fun with that too. It does help that I’ve been turning all the bad stories into stories for my book so whenever I have a bad date I think about how funny it will be when someone else reads it. I haven’t gotten serious about anyone yet, but to have fun with dating is something that hasn’t really been in my past before and I’m glad that’s kind of my experience now.

Overall, I think I had more wins than non-successes with my goals. I might not have achieved everything I wanted, but that’s not really what goals are about. If they were all easy to reach then I didn’t set them high enough. I need to be striving for things and not reaching my goals does motivate me to do better. Look at my workouts as an example. I missed my goal in 2016 but far surpassed it in 2017. Missing that goal last year motivated me to do even better this year.

My next few posts will all be about what I’ve got in mind for 2018. I’ve got some big goals again that I’m thinking about and I’m excited to share them next week. But for now, I guess that’s a wrap on posts for 2017! It was a great year for me and I’m so grateful for you all following me on my journey! Have an awesome NYE (and please don’t drink and drive!) and hopefully we all have an incredible start to 2018!

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