Tag Archives: panic attack

My Travel Experience (or I Hate That This Isn’t Always Easy)

Posted on November 16, 2022 | Comments Off on My Travel Experience (or I Hate That This Isn’t Always Easy)

I’m going to write about my trip to Portland in tomorrow’s post, but I wanted to share my travel experience first. I had a few parts to my trip going to and from Portland. The easy part was driving to LAX and parking my car. I use the same parking lot whenever I park there. It’s not the cheapest one, but it feels safe and is easy to get to. So I just use that. I’m a bit annoyed that I realized I lost all my loyalty points because I hadn’t flown in a while because I wanted to use those for my parking. But that was a minor inconvenience to deal with and at least this was a relatively simple part of my trip.

I had been very nervous about flying for a while leading up to my trip. I don’t love flying and have had panic attacks on planes before. I also didn’t like the idea of being in such a small space with a lot of people who might not be wearing masks. I knew I’d wear a mask for the entire flight, but that might not be enough for me. I also knew both my flights were sold out, so it would be a full flight with people all around me. And I also was nervous about just being in a plane seat. Plane seats are tiny for everyone. I’ve never needed to have a seatbelt extender or an extra seat, but it’s still something I’m afraid will happen. I have flown at heavier weights than I am now, so there was no reason why I would need something different this time. But I was still scared something would happen.

My flight to Portland wasn’t too bad. The people seated next to me weren’t wearing masks, but they were sleeping through the entire flight and turned away from me. So at least they weren’t always breathing in my face. And I fit into my seat just fine. I know that’s not something everyone worries about going on to a plane, but until I was seated and had the seatbelt on me, I was scared something would be different and I didn’t want to know what that could mean. I did have some moments when I thought I might have a panic attack, but it never got that bad. I was anxious the entire flight, but that’s normal so I’m not bothered by that.

My flight home was decent as well. It was a newer plane, so the seats were a little nicer. And for this flight, I had a pretty view during takeoff.

For both flights, I just tried to stay distracted the entire time so I didn’t feel too anxious. I spent most of my time reading and that helped to pass the time without me constantly looking at my watch or trying to figure out how much longer I had left. And since I didn’t check bags, I didn’t have any fears about losing my luggage or anything like that.

And I got to and from the Portland airport via light rail. The train that has a stop right outside the airport also had a stop near where I was staying with my family. It saved my parents from having to drive to the airport to get me so they could enjoy more of their time and not have to be in traffic. It was about an hour each way for me, and just like on the plane, I spent most of my time reading. It was interesting to see the different parts of Portland on the train since it did go through a lot of the downtown area. And fortunately, it never was too crowded on the train for either trip. There were a few moments on the ride back to the airport at the end of the trip when there were a few people who were making me nervous and hanging out very close to my suitcase when there were a lot of other open spaces on the train. But everything was fine and I was probably just a bit paranoid.

Considering that this was the first time I had done any sort of traveling other than driving to Santa Barbara since Thanksgiving 2019, I’m pretty happy with how things went. I still have the same fears that I had before the pandemic, and I expected that to be the case. But at least nothing was that much worse than before and I was able to make the traveling experience as smooth as possible for myself. And the travel was just a few hours each way bookending my trip so most of my weekend was spent enjoying myself with my family and not focused on traveling.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks) Default ThumbnailFinally Having A Trip Planned (or It’s Been A Long Time Since I’ve Been Away From LA) Default ThumbnailFeeling The Need To Travel Again (or I Really Haven’t Left LA In A While) Default ThumbnailThe Rest Of My Maryland Trip (or More Family Time) Default ThumbnailGetting Ready For Thanksgiving (or I Wish Flying Was Easier) Default Thumbnail10 Years Later (or A Good Memory and A Bad Memory)

Comments Off on My Travel Experience (or I Hate That This Isn’t Always Easy)

Posted in Travel

Tagged , ,

Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)

Posted on July 28, 2022 | Comments Off on Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)

My panic issues at the dentist have been happening for as long as I can remember. But it seemed for a while that things were finally getting better. I still hated having to go and would be very fearful of what bad news I might hear, but I was managing things a lot better and didn’t feel like I was having a big panic attack like I used to. For a while, I think the fear of getting sick combined with my usual dental concerns were making things worse. But I can never be sure and I just had to tolerate things the best that I could.

I was back at the dentist this week. I had my normal cleaning plus I needed to do the x-rays that I didn’t do the last time I was there. I should have made a note in my calendar that I was doing x-rays as well because I honestly forgot that I was going to do those until I got there. Doing x-rays always adds to my panic because that’s when the dentist can really see if there are any issues that need to be fixed. But they have to be done and I know avoiding anything at the dentist just means that it will be worse for me down the line.

I was quickly brought back to do my x-rays and the process was ok. I don’t like the devices you have in your mouth while doing them, so I always ask the assistant to tell me when I can take them out of my mouth so I don’t have to wait on them. There were a few issues with some of the x-rays needing to be redone, but it wasn’t that bad. Then I was supposed to see the dentist to review the x-rays and start the cleaning.

But I guess there was an issue with another patient taking much longer than expected because there was some juggling around to put people in the right place and I had to wait a bit longer than normal to meet with the dentist. This was a bit different than what it’s been like recently since they haven’t had multiple patients in the office at one time due to the pandemic. But there was only one other person so it wasn’t like it was crowded.  And fortunately, because my dentist knows how bad my panic attacks are, she looked at my x-rays and came over to tell me that there were no cavities or anything else to worry about before she went back to finish up with the other patient. That was a nice thing for her to do so I didn’t have to keep waiting and freaking out that I would be told something horrible. It also didn’t help that I had an extremely creepy bad tooth dream the night before and that was freaking me out.

Once it was finally time for my cleaning, the dentist confirmed with me again that everything was looking ok with my teeth. Nothing needed to be repaired and there was no damage that was concerning. I still have the same issues with my teeth that I always do and that makes my cleanings a bit more intense than a normal cleaning, but it wasn’t worse than what my cleanings are normally like. And even though I was shaking and panicking throughout the cleaning, I just tried to focus on breathing and I do other things to try to distract my mind. I knew that there was nothing wrong with my teeth, but I still worry that something will be discovered that wasn’t seen before. I don’t think my panic goes away until I’m getting up from the chair and heading to the front to pay.

I don’t know if or when my panic attacks at the dentist will start getting better again. I don’t know what it will take to put me at ease again because I think I will always fear that I will need something major done. And that is my reality because when you have genetically bad teeth, it’s not if but when that will happen. But I do know that I’m doing pretty much everything I can to prevent that or to make sure that the major work isn’t worse than it needs to be. I guess I will see in 4 months before my next appointment how bad my panic attacks are and continue to do what I need to do and hope for the best!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailStaying Calm With Changes (or Testing My Fear Of The Dentist) Default ThumbnailAnother Panicky Dentist Appointment (or I Don’t Like Unexpected Moments) Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailMore Prepared Than Necessary (or Splitting Up Dentist Appointments)

Comments Off on Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Another Panicky Dentist Appointment (or I Don’t Like Unexpected Moments)

Posted on April 5, 2022 | Comments Off on Another Panicky Dentist Appointment (or I Don’t Like Unexpected Moments)

I still hate how I have panic attacks when I go to the dentist. I am tired of them and it’s annoying for me. And because of how my panic attacks can manifest in my body, they can be exhausting and sometimes painful. And even though I haven’t had a lot of bad dentist appointments in the past few years, I can’t get over these attacks. I would think that having enough normal appointments would help. And when I’ve had more major work done, it’s been a lot better than it used to be. I have tried so many things to make dentist appointments easier for me, but I always have a horrible pit in my stomach every time I go.

I am still grateful that everyone at the dentist’s office is understanding how I get at appointments and they do try to make things as quick and easy for me as possible. But I still look miserable when I’m arriving and I think they have thought at times that I might pass out. One of the ways they help me work through my panic is by trying to keep things to a routine so I know what to expect and in what order. But when things are changed up, my attacks can get pretty bad. And unfortunately, that’s what happened at my last appointment.

I know I have to do x-rays every so often. The x-rays aren’t painful or bother me, but I know that doing x-rays can reveal things that are bigger problems. And I understand that’s the point, but it’s always tough knowing that’s going to happen and getting myself prepared for that. So when I went into my recent appointment and thought it was just a cleaning, it was a bit of a shock for me to find out that I was supposed to also do x-rays. I started shaking and feeling sick. And I feel pretty pathetic that I get that way but I can’t really control my panic attacks. Because of how I was reacting and how nervous they were that I would have an even worse panic attack, the plan changed for my appointment. They did detailed photos of each tooth instead of x-rays. That shows if there are any external issues with any of my teeth, which is mainly what my issues have been with cavities and chips in my crowns. I know that seeing the photos would make me panic even more, so I just kept my eyes closed and didn’t look at the photos when they were done. Again, I felt a bit silly and pathetic, but I knew I needed to do that to get through all the negative feelings I was having.

Fortunately, as expected everything was fine with my teeth and they were able to move on to the cleaning and get that done. I still was shaking throughout the appointment, but I also know different things I can do to distract myself a bit and that helps make the shaking not quite as bad. And since things are a bit better with the pandemic, they were able to use some of the tools they had to stop using because of the aerosol they create. But things like the ultrasonic tools help make my appointments easier to tolerate so I’m glad that those are back. And I wasn’t having additional panic attack issues because of the pandemic this time, so that was good too.

I will have to do my x-rays at my next appointment since I didn’t do them this time, but at least I will be more prepared for them at that point. I know it still won’t be easy for me and I’m sure I’ll have a panic attack going into that appointment, but it will be better than being surprised and not being prepared. At least I have 4 months until that next appointment and I don’t have to stress about things for a little while. And even though it seems extremely unlikely, maybe somehow my panic attacks won’t be as bad when I go in for that appointment.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailA Boring Visit At The Dentist (or Getting Ready For A Future Bad Appointment) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailI Really Hate Panic Attacks (or At Least This Went Better Than Expected) Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments) Default ThumbnailMore Prepared Than Necessary (or Splitting Up Dentist Appointments)

Comments Off on Another Panicky Dentist Appointment (or I Don’t Like Unexpected Moments)

Posted in Health

Tagged , , ,

Doubling Up With Panic Attacks (or I’m Really Getting Tired Of This)

Posted on December 3, 2021 | Comments Off on Doubling Up With Panic Attacks (or I’m Really Getting Tired Of This)

Having a panic attack at the dentist is pretty much a guarantee for me. This has happened for the majority of my life and I don’t see it ending any time soon. I can manage my panic attacks better now than I could before, but they still happen and still affect me. So when I was going in for a dentist appointment this week, I knew I was going to have an attack and just tried my best to stay calm when I could.

But going to the appointment caused me to have an unexpected panic attack. I’m typically a very prompt person. Often, I arrive at places too early and I just sit and wait in my car until the right time. I overestimate how long it will take to get somewhere, but I would rather be early than late. And for appointments, I know if you arrive late they can sometimes refuse to see you. So I really try to be on time. My dentist isn’t too far from where I live, but I also know the areas I have to drive through can have some weird traffic holdups. So I gave myself double the time it normally takes to get there, so I figured I would arrive early.

I don’t know what was going on with traffic, but it was just not moving while I was driving. I was terrified I would get to my appointment and they would turn me away, which would be awful because that would mean I would have the nerves leading up to another appointment date. I tried to call in to explain what was happening, but they must have been busy at the office because it went to voicemail. I was already struggling with panic feelings about an appointment, but now I was dealing with panic feelings about being late too.

I guess it was a good thing I gave myself double the time to get there because I only ended up being 1 minute late, so it worked out ok. But I was still so stressed and my heart was racing about getting there on time. And as soon as I arrived, my regular panic that I get at the dentist kicked into high gear.

I’m lucky that my dentists understand that I just don’t do well there, so they do try their best. But the hygienist they have was taking longer than I’m used to with her work. And she noticed my panic and kept stopping so I could have a break. I told her that taking a break doesn’t help me since I just need to get through the appointment, but she kept checking in with me. My dentist did check in too and let the hygienist know that I do best when we can get through it quickly (but also thoroughly so I don’t have issues later).

Fortunately, after that things picked up in my appointment and they moved quickly. I had one moment with a really bad panic attack when my dentist was inspecting a spot on one tooth. Even though she had already told me there were no cavities or issues, I was so worried that she discovered something after telling me that. I really tried to keep my breathing under control, but I was starting to really freak out. I’m glad it ended up being nothing (basically it was a weird shadow), but it was still a pretty bad moment for me.

I left the appointment with the usual good news that everything is good with my teeth and my next appointment would be another normal cleaning. I’m still going every 4 months since that seems to be the best setup for me, but a least they aren’t extreme appointments. But having these panic attacks really bothers me. I know it’s weird to be upset over something that I may not be able to control, but I feel that way. I’m usually emotionally and physically exhausted after an appointment. I wish I could just magically be ok and not panic even a little bit, but I don’t think that is likely to happen in my future.

So I just have to tolerate these every 4 months and hope for the best. And next time, hopefully I won’t have the extra panic with traffic making it worse.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailI Really Hate Panic Attacks (or At Least This Went Better Than Expected) Default ThumbnailAn Outing To The Dentist (or Doubling Up On The Panic) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?)

Comments Off on Doubling Up With Panic Attacks (or I’m Really Getting Tired Of This)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

I Really Hate Panic Attacks (or At Least This Went Better Than Expected)

Posted on August 26, 2021 | Comments Off on I Really Hate Panic Attacks (or At Least This Went Better Than Expected)

Considering my history of panic attacks, I’ve been doing much better lately than when compared to the past. I don’t medicate myself anymore for panic attacks, which is a huge thing to me. And almost all my attacks are during predictable moments. I have noticed that new things do sometimes cause them, but then those become predictable too. For example, wearing a mask makes me feel claustrophobic at times and then that brings on a panic attack. I’ve been working on figuring out a good mask that won’t cause this, but so far it’s been tough. But it won’t stop me from wearing a mask.

One of the most common reasons I have panic attacks is when I have to go to the dentist. This has been an issue for me for almost all of my adult life (maybe as a kid too, but I don’t recall having bad panic attacks as a kid). I know going into my appointments that I will likely have a panic attack, and I do what I can to prepare for them. And I do work hard with all dental stuff I can do at home to make my appointments easier. Unfortunately, since I have genetically bad teeth, doing everything right doesn’t always mean that I won’t get bad news when I go in for a cleaning. But I at least do my part to make these appointments as stress-free as possible.

But even with doing everything I can, sometimes I just have a bad panic attack. And that’s what happened this week. I wasn’t doing that bad before my appointment. I didn’t have nightmares the same way that I usually do and my heart wasn’t racing my entire drive there. But as soon as I got out of my car, the panic hit me like a wave. It was a pretty big attack and I took some time trying to calm my breathing down and stop sweating before going into my appointment. But I still wasn’t doing that great when I walked in. I’m sure I looked horrible, but fortunately, the dentist understands that I can’t control my panic attacks and she really does try to work with me.

She made the appointment as easy as she could. She immediately checked my teeth to confirm I didn’t need any fillings or any other major dental work. Knowing that normally stops my attack, but this time it only brought it down a bit. I was still shaking and struggling to breathe normally. So my dentist tried to work as quickly as she could while not rushing and missing things. And she used some topical numbing gel to make sure I don’t have any pain while she was working quickly. I don’t usually have pain at my appointments, but I’m glad she was trying to make things better. And for the most part, my appointment went quickly except when they had to fix one piece of equipment in the middle that wasn’t working the way it should.

When I left my appointment, I was a bit annoyed with myself. I hate that something that isn’t a big deal can cause such big panic attacks. I hate that this attack was so bad when it hasn’t been like this for a long time. I know it’s not my fault that this happens to me, but I still blame myself. I know that sometimes I don’t have much of an attack before or during an appointment, so maybe the next time will be better. Or it might be like this appointment or worse. I really never know until it happens and I just have to get through it. I know there’s nothing wrong with having panic attacks or anything to be embarrassed about. But it’s still something I hate about myself.

But at least even with the bad panic attack this time, my appointment went well and I was back in my car headed home in under an hour. And I don’t have to worry about going in again for another cleaning for 4 more months.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailAn Outing To The Dentist (or Doubling Up On The Panic) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks)

Comments Off on I Really Hate Panic Attacks (or At Least This Went Better Than Expected)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

A Random Panic Attack (or It’s Been A While Since This Happened)

Posted on April 15, 2021 | Comments Off on A Random Panic Attack (or It’s Been A While Since This Happened)

I’ve had a panic/anxiety disorder for a long time. I honestly don’t know how long I’ve had it since I think I wasn’t diagnosed properly at first. I remember being diagnosed with depression when I was about 18, but I actually think looking back that it was really panic/anxiety and not depression. And there was a period of time where my panic/anxiety disorder was pretty bad. It never got so bad that I couldn’t function properly, but it did affect my life a lot. I was on one medication daily and another medication as needed.

Then I went down to only taking the medication as needed and stopped the daily one. I didn’t need it that often, but often enough that I would get refills for the prescription a few times a year. Then it went down to only having panic attacks for a few situations like going to the dentist or flying on a plane. Very rarely, I’d have a random panic attack or a wave of anxiety, but I could usually pinpoint what caused it. And sometimes for me, knowing the cause helps to make it not as bad.

And for the past few years, it seems like I rarely have to think about my panic/anxiety disorder. I don’t seem to have panic attacks at the dentist anymore. I don’t even have to take medication. I do get some anxiety going to my appointments, but it’s manageable and I’m usually able to get over the anxiety around the middle of my appointment (once I know that there is nothing severely wrong with my teeth). I rarely fly, so I can’t really judge how my anxiety is with that, but I guess avoiding a trigger is a way of dealing with it. And the random attacks almost never happen to me.

I did have more anxiety than normal over this past year, but I think most people had that feeling. And it wasn’t as bad as what I’ve experienced in the past at my worst moments. So the general feeling of anxiety is just something I got used to and learned to tolerate.

But then earlier this week, I had my first big random panic attack in a while. And I honestly don’t know what caused it.

That day I did my work as normal. Once I was done with work, I went to AAA to renew my car registration. That’s usually a quick outing, but it took a very long time. They were only letting a few people inside at a time, and for some of us they didn’t let us in at all. For me, they took my check and car registration paperwork and I waited outside while they did the work. Then they came back and brought me my new registration paperwork and sticker. I was annoyed how long it took, but it wasn’t bad. And after that was done, I decided to go to Trader Joe’s for some groceries.

Going to Trader Joe’s almost feels like a treat these days. I still do a majority of my grocery shopping online and have it delivered to my house. And for a while, I was maybe going to Trader Joe’s once a month since there are some things there that I can’t get at other stores. But I’m slowly going more often. I’m still not going that much, but now I’m getting groceries there 2-3 times a month. I’m grateful that even though it is a smaller store, it’s not that crowded inside. At the beginning of the pandemic, you had to line up outside because so many people were trying to grocery shop. But now, things have calmed down enough so you don’t have to wait in line.

My grocery list was short and I got everything I needed quickly and got in line to check out. And then the panic attack hit me like a wall. It was 0 to 60 in an instant. And I still don’t know what triggered it. I just know that one moment, I was feeling fine and the next I was experiencing everything I get with panic attacks. I was having trouble catching my breath (and wearing a mask doesn’t help that feeling). I could feel my heart racing. I was shaking and sweating. My entire body felt jumpy and like I needed to not just stand still.

I thought about just leaving my groceries and going home to deal with the attack, but I ended up waiting it out since I was almost at the front of the line. I’m sure people could see that something was wrong with me, but I’m glad nobody asked me if I was ok. I couldn’t really get the words out if I wanted to. I paid for my groceries and got to my car where I tried to calm down a bit more. I was able to calm myself enough to feel ok to drive and then headed home (fortunately, the store is very close to my house). But the attack wasn’t over and when I got home I put away what I had to and went to lay down on my bed.

I tried to focus on breathing and staying calm. I tried to think about what caused this attack to rationalize it. It took just under an hour before I felt normal again. But I think about half that time was just recovering from the attack and how exhausted it made me feel. Panic attacks can really take it out of you both physically and mentally. But I was able to get back to feeling ok later that afternoon and continue on with my day.

I know that any mental health issue isn’t necessarily something you can get over, it’s something you learn to manage and deal with. But when it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with an attack, it can be a little harder to get over since I’m out of practice. I might have a random panic attack every so often for the rest of my life, and that’s ok. I just have to remember that I can get through it and that I’m ok and safe. And in a weird way, being out of practice with dealing with them makes me a bit happy since that’s a sign that this is a rare occurrence and not a regular part of my life.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStopping A Panic Attack (or Only One Health Issue At A Time) Default ThumbnailAnatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night) Default ThumbnailWorking Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control) Default ThumbnailA Gallbladder Reminder (or Hopefully This Is A Random Event) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks)

Comments Off on A Random Panic Attack (or It’s Been A While Since This Happened)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

An Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks)

Posted on November 23, 2018 | 1 comment

I flew to Sacramento earlier this week to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The past several years Thanksgiving was in San Diego, but since my grandma moved to Sacramento we all traveled to be where she is. It was weird to fly for Thanksgiving since it had been so many years since I had to do that. And I realized when I got to the airport that it had been over 2 years since I had been on a plane.

I haven’t been a huge traveler over the past decade or so, but I usually would take at least one flight a year. So to go 2 years without flying was possibly the longest I’ve gone without a flight. I wasn’t too worried about it and was almost thinking it was funny it had been so long, so I was pretty relaxed when I got to the airport. Even with all the travel, parking issues, and getting through security; I was in the main terminal with plenty of time to spare. So I relaxed and got some dinner before I had to go to my gate.

While I was sitting at the gate, I started to notice some signs of a panic attack. It’s been a long time since I had an attack so I was hoping maybe I was thinking too much about it. Plus, I didn’t have any of my panic medication with me (and I’m sure it’s all expired) so I was just trying to stay calm and not think about it. But things kept getting worse for me. I was feeling very off and I just wanted the flight to be over with. But I still had time to wait before we boarded so I tried to focus on my book.

I was in one of the first boarding groups so I got a window seat and tried to settle in. I turned the fan on as high as it went because I was starting to sweat and shake. I knew I was probably going to have an attack on the plane and I couldn’t do much to change that. I just had to push through and hope it didn’t last the entire flight. The flight was full so the middle and aisle seats in my row were taken, but the people sitting in them were sleeping before we took off so I didn’t have to worry that they would be worried about me.

I really tried to just read my book and not think about things, but my mind just kept wandering. I had a pretty strong attack during the takeoff and a couple of moderate ones during the flight. The flight was only an hour so to have a couple of them felt like I was having them the entire time, but I know there were moments of calm during the flight that I was able to read.

Because I was flying at night, I didn’t realize we were about to land until I could see the runway below us right before we touched down. I only had a minor attack from the time we touched down until we got to the gate so that was much easier to deal with. Once I got off the plane, I stood in the jetway for a moment to try to catch my breath and relax. I’m sure there were people looking at me while I was calming down but I didn’t care. I wanted the attack to be done so I could get out of the airport.

Walking through the airport and in my Uber ride to the hotel, I was decompressing from the attack. I felt exhausted and my body was hurting. It’s been so long since I’ve had one and I forgot how it takes so much out of you both mentally and physically.

I’m glad it wasn’t worse and I’m very proud of myself for getting through it without any medication. I don’t know if I’m going to try to get a new prescription because I’m really hoping this was a one time thing. I do have my flight back and I am a bit worried about it, but I’m trying to stay optimistic as well. Maybe this attack only happened because it had been so long since I flew? I know my attacks at the dentist have stopped and I go there 3 times a year. So maybe it was just that I was out of practice with flying and my flight home will feel more routine.

No matter why it happened or if it will happen again, the fact is that I had a panic attack on the plane. It wasn’t fun and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I made it through. And if I have another one, I just need to remind myself that I can get through it again. I would prefer if I could get through it when I’m home and have more things around me that comfort me, but I have done it on a plane surrounded by people so I think I can make it through in any circumstance.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailTrying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder) Default ThumbnailCountdown To Saturday (or I’m Actually Excited To Get On A Plane) Default ThumbnailTrip Planning (or Keeping Panic To A Minimum) Default ThumbnailWorking Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?)

1 Comment

Posted in Tough Stuff, Travel

Tagged , , , ,

Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

Posted on August 30, 2018 | Comments Off on Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

It’s been a while since I’ve had a panic attack. I’ve had moments of panic and anxiety like when I go to the dentist, but those are different from panic attacks. Those seem to be a duller feeling and even though they last longer they aren’t as bad as an attack. And I still haven’t been having panic attacks, but I’ve been dealing with a lot more of the general and duller anxiety issues.

It’s not coming as a big surprise that I’m dealing with this now. I’ve got a few different things going on in my life that feel out of control and would probably cause someone with no anxiety issues have anxiety. I’ll get into some of these issues more next week, but having my dentist appointment this week as well as the news about my job are big causes of this.

I really hate feeling out of control. I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen. This is a feeling I have even with fun things. When a new roller coaster opens up and I know I’ll be going on it, I like to watch an on-ride video so I can know what to expect. So being in a situation now where there are multiple things that I cannot control or know what will happen is just bringing me down.

I haven’t taken my panic medication in quite a while. I actually don’t know if I have any left because I don’t know where I stored the bottle. I rarely took them before (usually only before the dentist or flying), but once I started taking Vyvanse I’ve found that I don’t need them for those situations any more. And I’m glad to not need them anymore because I did use them as a crutch. I probably could have gotten through my panic attacks without them, but it was just easy to take them so I didn’t have to deal with it.

Since I don’t know if I have any more medication nor do I want to take them, I have been trying to work on finding ways to make myself feel better this week. When I feel out of control, I know that I need to find ways to be in control. I’ve heard that multiple times in therapy when I was getting help for my panic attacks. You reach for whatever you can to have control over and use that to calm down. Sometimes that has to do with what you choose to schedule in your day or how you spend your free time. Unfortunately for me, a lot of time this control came from controlling food.

I don’t want to use food as a way to control things again. I know I don’t do it in a healthy way and it will always backfire on me. If I use not eating as much as a form of control, that is bad because it can result in a binge episode. If I eat whatever I want as a form of control, then I feel sick and that makes me feel worse about myself. It’s my go-to when I look for control and I’ve been using this week as a way to try out other methods to see if I can find something that makes me feel the same peace and feel as relaxed as I have been when I use food that way.

I haven’t found anything that works as well as food does, but I have found things that do help. I’ve been doing a ton of cleaning in my house this week. I don’t know if I’ve ever cleaned this much, but it is helping me feel some control. I’m also cleaning out things in my house that have been piling up. I’m lucky that tomorrow will be trash day because I have been throwing out a lot of things. I probably have been needing to do this for a while and it does feel nice to have a very clean house. There are also some things that I’m debating about getting rid of so I am putting them in bags and storing them in my house until I know for sure that I don’t need them. The last thing I want to do is get rid of too much stuff and then need to spend money to buy things I really did need to keep.

I know that this uncertainty can come back any time, but I think next week will be better for me. There are a few things that will probably still be an issue next week, but a majority of the things that have been out of my control will be done after this weekend. And hopefully the more I work on good habits to find ways to feel in control, the easier it will be even if it does last through next week.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Getting Back To Normal (or Still Dealing With The Same Old Issues) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder)

Comments Off on Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Figuring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health)

Posted on January 19, 2018 | Comments Off on Figuring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health)

I’ve been a bit too stressed out lately. A lot of it had to do with just being overwhelmed and trying to schedule myself, but that didn’t explain all of it. Reflecting back on it, I think that it’s possible that my panic and anxiety disorder came back. It wasn’t enough for me to feel like I needed to take medication or call my new therapist, but it was something I was aware of.

Like with so many other things in my life, being aware is a huge step for me and I consider that to be a win. But of course I wanted to make the stressed out feelings go away and not just be aware of it. Part of what I’ve been working on is related to my monthly challenge this month. I’m being a bit selfish and turning down invitations to things I don’t want to go to. I’m not committing myself to things that aren’t what I want to do socially and I’m not going insane when there is an event I want to go to but it doesn’t fit into my schedule. I’ve had to miss some fun things like birthday parties and baby showers because of work, but I’m not feeling guilty that I have to work because my friends understand.

Being selfish is a bit of self-care and I never really thought of that before. I think it has been a big step in my mental health although it isn’t fixing everything. But giving time to myself does allow me to think through the stress I’m feeling and figuring out what is causing it and what I can do to make it a bit better. And I know I’ve said this probably a million times, but I am also working on time management to work on my stress. I hate when I get to the end of the day and I still have so much to get done. I’m trying to work on doing stuff throughout the day and not just after work or after my workout.

But this time, I’m also working on my physical self-care too. I love to look at different beauty products, but I’m not always someone who uses them. But I decided to get a set of sheet masks from Amazon (they were pretty cheap) so I could work on my skin care. They are nice, but I look pretty creepy when I’m using them!

I’ve only used one so far so I don’t see a huge difference in my skin, but I think the mental break I get when I use those masks help too. It is time that I have to be still and relax, which I probably don’t do enough. I also found a nice new body cream at CVS on sale that I got that feels a lot more luxurious than my normal body lotion. Sometimes, it’s the little things like those that make a big difference.

I’ve been working a lot of doing these self-care things this week and I really have noticed my stress levels go down. I still need it to go down a bit more before I feel totally like myself, but I’m glad it’s getting better. I didn’t need to turn to medication (which I’d rather not use since it will make my Vyvanse less effective) and I’m not waiting it out and suffering. I’m taking action and figuring out what works. Or at least what works for me right now. I know that things will change all the time and what is working now might not work later this year. But at least I was productive in figuring out what I needed to do.

I know that this self-care is a positive step, but I still am working on how to stop the stress from getting to this level. I want to be able to stop it before it gets this bad and I start feeling overwhelmed. But as I’ve learned I have to look at the baby steps I take and not get frustrated. I can’t be expected to figure out everything right away so I need to appreciate that I figured out one small step toward figuring it all out. And hopefully next time, I’ll figure out the next small step.

SaveSave

SaveSave

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge) Default ThumbnailBringing More Good Things To Me And Others (or Happiness and Self-Care) Default ThumbnailTrying To Have A Normal Workout Week (or I Need OTF For My Mental Health) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailDoubling Up On Pain (or Physical and Mental Pain Together)

Comments Off on Figuring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health)

Posted in Beauty, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , , , ,

Time For Dental Work (or Maybe My MRIs Prepared Me For This)

Posted on June 9, 2017 | Comments Off on Time For Dental Work (or Maybe My MRIs Prepared Me For This)

When I went to the dentist recently, I found out that one of my fillings needs to be replaced. The filling has been in there for a long time and I knew that fillings (or crowns) aren’t forever and do need to be replaced over a lifetime. I’ve been pretty lucky the past few years. My teeth have always been a bit bad (it’s genetic) but I haven’t needed major work in a while. I’ve had lots of work done, but I’ve had a nice break and I guess that streak is over now.

As soon as I found out I needed work, my panic started. Part of that panic is because this time while they are hoping that this is just going to be a filling replacement there is a chance I will need a crown. It’s one of those situations where they weren’t going to know until they started the work and I had having unknowns in my life. But there was no way to find out what it was going to be until I had my next appointment so I tried to just deal with the sense of panic I had.

Fortunately for me, the panic wasn’t too horrible between my cleaning and the appointment to have the work done. I was panicking the day of my cleaning when I found out that there was work I needed done because that’s not what I was expecting. But I didn’t really feel panic again until the day before my appointment (and then it got pretty bad the day of my appointment). I know how bad things have been for me in the past and I just didn’t want that to happen again.

But I was trying to think about all the changes that have happened in my life since my last appointment for major dental work. I’ve been meditating for over a year now and that has been helping me stay calm in the moment (although it doesn’t seem to help the panic from building up before). That has seemed to help before with my MRIs.

And speaking of MRIs, I’ve had so many MRIs since my last dentist appointment and each of those have involved 2 needles (the blood work and then the IV for the contrast). I have been hoping that with all of those needles over the past few months that maybe my issues with needles has become less of a thing. I know that I’ve still been having blackout moments with needles in my recent blood work and IVs, but it has gotten significantly better. And since my incidents at the dentist were usually less than what I dealt with at the hospital, I was hopeful that this appointment and the needle would go a lot smoother than I feared it would go.

The day of my appointment was pretty tough. My appointment was right after I was done with work and I spent my entire shift in a panic and feeling sick. It was a sense of impending doom that I used to feel before a regular cleaning. I hadn’t had to deal with this feeling for a while, so it threw me off a bit. Fortunately, right now is the slower season for my day job so I didn’t have to help too many customers. I was still able to work, but I know that I wasn’t at my best while worrying about my dental appointment.

Once I got to the dentist, the panic was feeling pretty unbearable. I didn’t take my panic meds since they don’t really work that well when I take my eating disorder medication. And to me, right now it’s more important to manage my eating disorder than it was to stop some temporary panic. And I knew that as soon as the work started, the panic was going to go away and I would be fine.

The staff there tried to keep me distracted and calm while we waited for the dentist. They were asking me about what was happening in my life (I was telling them some of my crazy online dating stories), but I was still just anxious that the shots were coming and I wanted to get it over with. Everything in the dentist office looks so scary even though I know most things there aren’t anything that could hurt me.

Once the dentist came back, we got to the shots quickly. He does numb my cheek up with some gel before the shots so it does help a lot. And with the first shot I didn’t totally black out. But with the second shot (which I couldn’t actually feel because I was already pretty numb), I did black out like I have with my recent IVs. But it’s still a huge improvement over the last time I had to get shots at the dentist.

The last few times I’ve needed shots like this, it was for major dental work. Those appointments last quite a while and you have the option to watch a movie while they work. I should have known this would be easy when I wasn’t given the option to watch a movie but instead just had to wear protective eyewear. And this appointment ended up taking no time at all!

The drilling of the part of the old filling that had to come out took less than 5 minutes. Then they filled it back it and had to use the tools to dry it. Then it was only some checking of my bite and before I knew it I was sitting back up and rinsing my mouth out with mouthwash. The entire procedure (not counting waiting to get numb) was under 10 minutes.

I felt so silly when it was done for freaking out as much as I did. Then again, I had no clue it was going to be this simple since it seems like whenever I have more than just a cleaning it is pretty extreme. And I’m lucky that I have a dentist that is super on top of things since this could have been much worse if we didn’t catch it as soon as we did.

I still think I’m going to always have my panic issues at the dentist, but I’m glad that they are getting better. I’ve proven to myself for a while that I am doing much better with the cleanings. Now I’ve proven to myself that I can do ok with shots and bigger dental work. Hopefully I won’t need more major dental work for a while, but I know that there will be more in the future and I feel more prepared for it after this successful appointment.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailFailure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad) Default ThumbnailMore Prepared Than Necessary (or Splitting Up Dentist Appointments)

Comments Off on Time For Dental Work (or Maybe My MRIs Prepared Me For This)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,