An Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks)

I flew to Sacramento earlier this week to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The past several years Thanksgiving was in San Diego, but since my grandma moved to Sacramento we all traveled to be where she is. It was weird to fly for Thanksgiving since it had been so many years since I had to do that. And I realized when I got to the airport that it had been over 2 years since I had been on a plane.

I haven’t been a huge traveler over the past decade or so, but I usually would take at least one flight a year. So to go 2 years without flying was possibly the longest I’ve gone without a flight. I wasn’t too worried about it and was almost thinking it was funny it had been so long, so I was pretty relaxed when I got to the airport. Even with all the travel, parking issues, and getting through security; I was in the main terminal with plenty of time to spare. So I relaxed and got some dinner before I had to go to my gate.

While I was sitting at the gate, I started to notice some signs of a panic attack. It’s been a long time since I had an attack so I was hoping maybe I was thinking too much about it. Plus, I didn’t have any of my panic medication with me (and I’m sure it’s all expired) so I was just trying to stay calm and not think about it. But things kept getting worse for me. I was feeling very off and I just wanted the flight to be over with. But I still had time to wait before we boarded so I tried to focus on my book.

I was in one of the first boarding groups so I got a window seat and tried to settle in. I turned the fan on as high as it went because I was starting to sweat and shake. I knew I was probably going to have an attack on the plane and I couldn’t do much to change that. I just had to push through and hope it didn’t last the entire flight. The flight was full so the middle and aisle seats in my row were taken, but the people sitting in them were sleeping before we took off so I didn’t have to worry that they would be worried about me.

I really tried to just read my book and not think about things, but my mind just kept wandering. I had a pretty strong attack during the takeoff and a couple of moderate ones during the flight. The flight was only an hour so to have a couple of them felt like I was having them the entire time, but I know there were moments of calm during the flight that I was able to read.

Because I was flying at night, I didn’t realize we were about to land until I could see the runway below us right before we touched down. I only had a minor attack from the time we touched down until we got to the gate so that was much easier to deal with. Once I got off the plane, I stood in the jetway for a moment to try to catch my breath and relax. I’m sure there were people looking at me while I was calming down but I didn’t care. I wanted the attack to be done so I could get out of the airport.

Walking through the airport and in my Uber ride to the hotel, I was decompressing from the attack. I felt exhausted and my body was hurting. It’s been so long since I’ve had one and I forgot how it takes so much out of you both mentally and physically.

I’m glad it wasn’t worse and I’m very proud of myself for getting through it without any medication. I don’t know if I’m going to try to get a new prescription because I’m really hoping this was a one time thing. I do have my flight back and I am a bit worried about it, but I’m trying to stay optimistic as well. Maybe this attack only happened because it had been so long since I flew? I know my attacks at the dentist have stopped and I go there 3 times a year. So maybe it was just that I was out of practice with flying and my flight home will feel more routine.

No matter why it happened or if it will happen again, the fact is that I had a panic attack on the plane. It wasn’t fun and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I made it through. And if I have another one, I just need to remind myself that I can get through it again. I would prefer if I could get through it when I’m home and have more things around me that comfort me, but I have done it on a plane surrounded by people so I think I can make it through in any circumstance.

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