Tag Archives: health issues

Back To Back Doctor Days (or At Least This Was A Virtual Appointment)

Posted on May 19, 2020 | Comments Off

Last week, I was at urgent care on Monday. I hadn’t planned on being at the hospital for any doctor’s appointments any time soon, so that was something that broke up my routine a bit. But the next day, I had a scheduled appointment. This time, it was another appointment with my therapist. But it had already been planned to be a virtual one, so I knew I would be able to stay home for it.

When I scheduled the appointment, I was still working my normal hours. So I had a lot of free time before my appointment. Also, this appointment was originally about the new medication that I was put on, but I had already stopped that medication (after emailing with my therapist). So I had a lot of time to think about what we would discuss.

I was still in a lot of pain and discomfort from the cellulitis, but I knew that wasn’t something I necessarily had to discuss in my appointment. But it still made me laugh a bit when my therapist opened our appointment by asking how I was doing. My only response was that was a loaded question. I explained that mentally I was doing the best that could be expected and if I was not stressed or worried that maybe that would be concerning. Fortunately, she understood exactly what I meant. Her main concern was that I wasn’t having any symptoms that were concerning me or that I was doing significantly worse than before.

We did discuss the medication I was briefly on and I explained that the reaction I was having could have something to do with the state of the world, but I wasn’t sure. And I wasn’t willing to risk trying it because the symptoms were concerning (I was having some panic attacks and I felt my OCD getting worse). And I think she agreed with me that it would be very difficult to know if a new medication is helping me. And if I tried something new and it did help, maybe it only helped because of how crazy everything is and in normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be helping. It’s weird to feel like I’m putting things on hold, but that’s the best case right now. I want to try some other medications to see if they help, but I don’t feel ok doing it right now.

I’m glad that my therapist understood how I felt and didn’t think I needed to worry about trying anything new right now. She agrees that my focus should just be on being ok and feeling safe with how things are. And when things start to normalize a bit, then I can start working on seeing if another medication can benefit me or not. I have another virtual appointment in a few months, and maybe by then, we will be in a new phase of reopening. I’m guessing the appointment will stay virtual, which is fine with me because I do prefer those. But it would be nice to get to a point where I can start working on bettering myself and not just getting through this.

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Posted in Health

Tagged doctor, health issues, mental health

Why Can’t I Just Have A Normal Week? (or Another Bad Week Of Workouts)

Posted on May 18, 2020 | Comments Off

I was really looking forward to being able to say I had a good week of workouts. I knew that it should be one of my good weeks. My finger was finally healed to the point where I could finally start bending it. I was excited to do my workouts because I finally had some motivation and was really to work hard. And then I got cellulitis.

Monday was the day I went to urgent care, but I tried to work out that morning. It was a pretty pathetic workout attempt. I had to sit down for almost everything. I did a lot of core work and stuff with my arms. I had to modify all the exercises because the swelling in my leg was so bad that I couldn’t do a lot of things. And I broke down crying because the pain was so intense. I think that workout was the push for me to go to the hospital because I realized how bad things had gotten.

Wednesday was similar to Monday because the swelling hadn’t really gone down much. I had the same amount of pain, but I had a bit more flexibility in my leg and was able to do a few exercises standing up. But still, nothing like what I normally could do. And what was so frustrating was that my mind wanted to do more. But my body just couldn’t.

Friday and Saturday were better because my leg was almost normal. Still, I had to do a lot of modifications because there were things that caused me pain that normally wouldn’t. But it was nice to be able to do a bit more and to feel like I had some proof that my leg was getting better. I was worried that it wasn’t getting better because I was still dealing with so many issues, but my workouts did prove that I wasn’t struggling as much as I had earlier in the week.

Even though by the end of the week I was doing ok, it was still such a frustrating workout week. I am tired of having a bad week after a bad week. I really need a good week, and I don’t know if that will happen soon. This week, there is a chance my nausea will kick in. And my leg still isn’t totally better. So I might be struggling again. And the struggle physically combined with dealing with quarantine/isolation is really taking a toll on me. I know that there are some OTF studios starting to open up, but the ones here might not be open for a few months. It’s been over 2 months since my last in-studio workout. That’s such a long time. And even though before I was trying to stay positive and thinking how I just have to do the same amount of time again, the longer I’m away from my workouts the harder it is. But at the same time, if the studios in LA opened, I don’t know if I’d go right away. There are still so many things unknown about reopening and I want to see what happens before I take the risk.

Even though this past week of workouts was pretty bad, I do just keep reminding myself that I at least tried the workouts the best that I could. It’s better than doing nothing. And there were times when I was wondering if I should just skip it. I’m glad I did something because I probably would have felt worse if I didn’t do it. But I just want to have a good workout week again. I feel like I’m owed one by now.

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Posted in Fitness

Tagged fitness, health issues, Orangetheory, struggle, workout

I Guess This Made My Life A Bit Interesting (or An Outing To Urgent Care)

Posted on May 13, 2020 | Comments Off

Of course, right after a post where I said I have a lot of repeating days, I have something that changes things up for me. This wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but I guess any variety helps me from boredom.

I’ve had a few different autoimmune diseases for the majority of my life. I’ve been very lucky because I have never had really severe cases. One of my autoimmune diseases is about hair loss. And while I have lost a lot of hair from time to time, and even had significant bald spots, it has never been as bad as I know it could get. And while hair loss is upsetting, it’s not the worse thing I could deal with and I’m lucky that there are ways to cover it up if I did lose more of my hair.

My other autoimmune disease isn’t as simple. It causes flares and bumps on my skin (for me, it’s mainly on my upper legs). Most of the time these flares are just annoying, but sometimes they can get painful. But they tend to be pretty small so even if they hurt, they aren’t affecting too much of my body. There are a few treatment options I can try to reduce the frequency or size of these flares, but I have never been so severe that I considered doing them. Although I will say that I am considering it more now.

I had a flare appear over the weekend. I’m assuming that a lot of the flares I’m getting are due to stress right now. I’ve noticed that I’m also losing more hair than normal, so I just figured that all my autoimmune issues are reacting to the stress. But this new flare wasn’t like the ones that I’m used to. It was very deep in my skin (compared to being closer to the skin) and it was super painful. I assumed that it would get better as that is what normally happens. But on Monday, it was much worse. I felt a lump under my skin that was the size of a softball and I had a lot of redness and swelling. I have always known that my flares could cause cellulitis because I had experienced a minor case of that, but this was much worse than anything I had ever dealt with.

I really don’t want to go to the hospital for any reason right now, but after trying some of the remedies I know to try at home I knew that I had to. The size of the painful area on my leg was just increasing without stopping and I didn’t want it to turn into something much worse. I did try to do telemedicine first because I thought maybe they could just prescribe me antibiotics, but I had to be seen by a doctor. So I went off to urgent care since I couldn’t get an actual doctor’s appointment any time soon.

Fortunately, it seems like most people feel the same that I do and were avoiding the hospital. There were only 3 other people at urgent care (all suspected COVID cases go to a special section of the ER and were not near urgent care). There was still a bit of a wait because they were limiting how many people were inside urgent care and they wanted everything to be ready and clean before a new patient went in. But there was a waiting area outside in the shade so I waited out there.

Once I got inside, things were really quick for me. I was very lucky that the doctor that saw me was familiar with my autoimmune disease (I’ve encountered a lot who didn’t know anything about it) and she was able to confirm that I did have cellulitis immediately after seeing me. And as expected, she wanted me on a course of antibiotics to resolve it. She said that coming in was the right choice because this wasn’t likely to resolve on its own. It was pretty large, and if left untreated, could need IV antibiotics. I’m glad that I just have to take some pills for a week to hopefully make it go away.

I did giggle a bit when she was saying that this was very large as she measured the site being 8cm by 7cm. All that made me think is that while this did look big on my skin, the tumor in my liver was bigger! I know it’s not a perfect comparison, but it still was what my mind went to.

I was able to get my antibiotics at the hospital and started taking them on Monday evening. The doctor said I should notice a difference in a few days and I’m optimistic that it will start getting better by then. I have already noticed a small reduction in the swelling, but the pain is just as bad as it was before. But I feel better even with the same pain knowing that I got checked out and didn’t just try to wait it out and see.

Even though I was worried about going to urgent care, I will say that everyone at the hospital worked hard to make me feel safe about being there. And they were working hard to make sure all the patients were getting seen as quickly as possible. I was grateful for that because I was nervous about having to go in. But they made it as easy as possible for me. And while it wasn’t a fun adventure to my week, at least it changed things up a bit for me.

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged health issues, pain

3 Years Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Just Enjoying Being Healthy)

Posted on April 21, 2020 | Comments Off

I’ve said before how the date of when I became a medical miracle is a bit hard for me to determine. I’m not sure if I should consider the day I had the MRI that showed my tumors were shrinking as the day. Or maybe the day one of my doctors emailed me to say that it looked like the tumors were shrinking. Or when my liver surgeon called me to tell me for sure that my tumors were shrinking and that he recommended I cancel my surgery. So even though the date isn’t really a date that I got any information, I have considered the date that my surgery was supposed to happen as the marker for being a medical miracle. And yesterday, it marked 3 years since I was supposed to have surgery.

I don’t necessarily do anything to celebrate being a medical miracle, but I do acknowledge it and take time to remember how lucky I am. I know that if my tumors didn’t shrink, surgery was necessary. My tumors were big enough that they could be life-threatening. Not having surgery would have been a very dumb choice. But even though I knew that I needed that surgery, I wasn’t looking forward to it and I was scared about so much. I’m so glad that I didn’t have to have that surgery or deal with the recovery. I haven’t had abdominal surgery before, but I imagine the recovery would be worse than it was for my hip surgery. And there would other things during recovery that would have been tough for me.

One of the things about recovery that scared me was not being able to go to Orangetheory. I was worried that I would lose all momentum that I had been building in my workouts and that I would be so far back when I finally could work out again. Of course, right now I technically have no way to go to my workouts. I am working out at home, but it’s not the same. So it’s a bit funny that something that I was so worried about is a reality that I am dealing with right now. But I am lucky that there are OTF at Home workouts that I could do and that wouldn’t have been an option if I did have surgery.

I was worried about what the surgery might do for my mental health. I didn’t share this too much, but I was worried that having a big scar might make my body dysmorphia worse or that something about having surgery would trigger my panic/anxiety disorder or even my eating disorder. Surgery is a big unknown so there isn’t a way to know how you would react to it. I was hoping that surgery wouldn’t affect my mental health, but it was a big concern that I had about it.

And I was also worried that the surgery wouldn’t be the only one I needed. I knew that I might need another surgery in the future to get rid of one of the tumors if they couldn’t get all of them in one surgery. And I had been told that they could take my gallbladder out when doing the surgery, but I worried that something would happen where they couldn’t and I would need that surgery at another time. I’m actually very lucky when it comes to my gallbladder because it turns out that many of the issues I was having with it was related to the tumors and their size, so even though I didn’t have surgery I have had very few attacks in the past 3 years. I technically still need it out, but it’s not as necessary as it was before.

I am grateful every day that I didn’t have to have surgery. I’m grateful that I didn’t have to go through what could have been a big change in my life. I didn’t have to deal with as many unknowns (even though I do still deal with some unknowns now regarding my tumors). I was able to keep living my life as normal without a disruption. But even though I am grateful every day, I am always extra grateful when it’s my medical miracle anniversary. It’s been 3 years since I have known that my tumors are shrinking and there is still no medical explanation for it. But I feel so lucky that it happened to me.

I am supposed to have another MRI in about 6 months, and if the tumors continue to shrink, that will be my last one scheduled. I might have them every couple of years, but I won’t need annual ones any more if they are smaller. And if by some chance they grow, I will have surgery and I will be ok if that happens. But for now, I’m just focused on being grateful for what happened to me.

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Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Health

Tagged anniversary, doctor, health issues, liver, tumor

Some Of The New Normal (or I’ll Need To Get Used To This)

Posted on April 15, 2020 | Comments Off

I haven’t been leaving my house to do things lately, so the new guidelines and rules for what we need to do haven’t affected me yet. For a while, people weren’t wearing masks. Then they started to wear them. Now, you are required to wear them in LA. If you go to a business not wearing a mask, they have the right to refuse service and make you leave.

These masks we are supposed to use are not the medical ones. We are supposed to use different fabric masks. I ordered one online, but I haven’t gotten it yet (a friend of mine also made me one, but that hasn’t arrived yet). But I did look at instructions online on how to make one using fabric and some hair ties, so I made one earlier this week to try it out. I had to modify a few things to make it work for me (just using hair ties around my ears didn’t work because of how my ears are shaped), but I figured out how to do it. It’s not perfect, but it does the job and fits the requirement for what we need to have.

And I hadn’t had a chance to use it until yesterday when I had to go to Kaiser to pick up a prescription. I wish I could have had my medication mailed to me, but because of it being a controlled substance, I have to get it in person and show my ID and sign a form to get it. And I waited as long as I could to get my refill, but I was down to 2 days of medication left. I would have preferred to wait until things were a bit more normal, but that wasn’t an option. So I got my mask together and drove over to the hospital when I was done with work.

I’ve never had to wear a mask for any reason before, except when I was skiing and it was a part of my hat. This was a bit weird to wear and made me feel a little claustrophobic. I also think I folded the fabric over too many times because it was very thick and not as easy to breathe through. But I was fine and just had to deal with the weirdness. I’m glad I didn’t need to wear it while driving because breathing made my sunglasses fog up.

When I went to get my medication, I did have to be checked for fever before I was allowed inside, so I know they are being careful. And I used hand sanitizer after any interaction. So it wasn’t too bad considering everything going on. But it did give me an idea of what things will be like as I use a face mask for other things in the future.

I hope the masks I am getting will be a bit better than my homemade one. I still expect that it will fog up sunglasses, but that’s not a big issue. And I will get more used to wearing one the more often I have to do it. I don’t think this will be a forever thing, but it will be something that I have a feeling we will be doing for quite a while.

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Posted in Health

Tagged health issues, isolation

Another Thing I’m Learning In Isolation (or Eating Disorder Issues)

Posted on April 10, 2020 | Comments Off

There are so many things that I’m learning about myself and about the world right now. Yes, there are so many sad stories happening and I have friends who have lost loved ones. But I also have never heard of so many stories about how people are helping each other and coming together. I have learned that I’m much more of an extrovert than I thought (I thought I was an introvert until this). We haven’t been doing this for that long and I expect us to have to do this for a while, so I’m sure there will be so many other things I will learn about myself and about others.

But I have also come across issues that I never thought about before that are only happening because of being in isolation. And the biggest ones for me have been with my struggle to recover from my eating disorder. First, my workouts have been so good for me with feeling better about myself. But now, I’m not able to do my workouts the way that I have gotten used to. I’m not able to work out as hard and I’m missing a lot of cardio (I’m working on fixing that, but it’s not easy). Having something that felt like it was helping removed from my life has been hard. I don’t know if I was struggling this way before joining Orangetheory because I didn’t know what I was missing. I don’t know how to get the same feeling I get in class when I don’t have others around me supporting me and pushing me. But it’s something that I have accepted would be difficult to deal with so I’m working on it.

But the biggest challenge or struggle with my eating disorder has been about food (which is usually my issue). I am not used to having this much food in my house. I don’t like it because it makes me uncomfortable. But I know I have to do things this way because I need to limit how often I go to the store. And I’m not keeping foods in my house that I usually keep because I have to find more shelf-stable things or some of the things that I like to have aren’t available or easy to find right now. If I’m craving something, I can’t always find it. And I can’t have a binge of the foods I have in my house because I need that to eat for the rest of the week.

I’m also almost feeling food insecure because of those issues. I know that I’m not actually dealing with food insecurity and that’s a real and serious issue, but that’s the best way I can describe it. I know I have food and I would be fine if I couldn’t get more for a week or two. I wouldn’t be eating anything fabulous, but I have things like pancake mix and ramen that I could have. But I don’t have things that are as familiar to me and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get those again. Going to the grocery store has been stressful, but I have been able to avoid it for the past few weeks. I’ve had both grocery delivery and a friend help me, so it’s been easier now that I haven’t had to deal with going to the store myself. I’m not feeling anxiety by the lines or by being frustrated that I can’t get the things on my list. But I’m also feeling a bit out of control when I don’t see immediately what will be something that can be purchased. It’s a weird situation where I don’t know if I can win.

I’ve seen several articles and heard some podcasts that discuss these issues and say how this is a difficult time for anyone who has had or currently has an eating disorder. Even people in recovery are finding this a challenge and knowing that has made me feel a bit better about my struggles. I’m not alone by any means in this and that is reassuring. There haven’t been a lot of suggestions on how to work through this yet because this isn’t something that people have experience with. The main thing I have heard over and over again is that people need to be gentle with themselves and know that there may be setbacks right now. And that is ok because we are dealing with something that nobody has ever been through before. If right now my recovery takes a bit of a pause, that doesn’t mean I have ruined everything that I have worked for. I can get back to what I was doing before. And maybe I will start to pick up some skills that I can use to help me soon. I don’t know yet, but I am trying to stay optimistic.

I’m sure there will be other things that come up in the coming weeks and months that will be challenges and struggles that I wasn’t expecting. Even when things start getting better, I know that they won’t be just like they were before. We all will need to ease back into normal so we can feel comfortable with not being isolated anymore. But just because things won’t go back to the way they were before immediately doesn’t mean that they will be worse. I hope that I can find a way to make things better for me in the future. And if I can’t, I will just have to keep reminding myself that this time is temporary and any issues I have with my recovery are temporary as well.

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged binge eating, eating disorder, food, health issues, isolation, recovery

Staying Isolated (or Doing My Part)

Posted on March 18, 2020 | Comments Off

I assume everyone knows what’s happening in the world right now. For a while, coronavirus seemed like something so far away and not something we had to worry about. I don’t know if I was naive thinking that or hopeful. But for a while, I thought that it wouldn’t be something we would have to deal with. With other viruses similar to it, I don’t remember it being something Americans were this worried about. It could be because we have social media and instant news, or it could be because this is so much worse.

Right now, Los Angeles has shut down a lot. Essential things like pharmacies and grocery stores are open (and I’ve seen some other retail shops open that didn’t seem essential), but for the most part, things are closed and we are told to stay home. Not being around others is the best, and right now only, way to stop the spread. If I got sick, I would probably be fine. I know it’s not a guarantee, but I’m not as high risk as others. But there are people in my life that would be higher risk and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I passed it on to one of them and they got really sick or died. So staying away is necessary.

Almost all of my friends are working from home now. I’m lucky that I already work from home so that doesn’t feel different. But I feel so much more isolated than I ever have. Orangetheory is closed and that is such a huge part of my life for both my mental health and for my social life. I’m still texting and messaging with my friends, but it’s not the same. There are no places to go out and see people, nor can we really be around each other. This is for 2 weeks right now, but I have a feeling it will last longer. I hope that it doesn’t, but it seems like 2 weeks won’t be long enough to make sure that we stop the spread.

I’m doing ok. I was able to get to the grocery store and they had a lot of things still on the shelves. I got food and supplies to last me at least 2 weeks, but I am planning on trying to do weekly shopping so I can keep at least a week or 2 of food in my house in case I do get sick and have to stay home. With the exception of being alone and not seeing my friends, I have everything I need right now. Mentally, I’m not doing as great, but I’m not doing horribly either. I’m just very anxious and everything seems so overwhelming. I think this is because there are so many things changing at a rapid pace and there is no sign of that changing. I think about going to my sister-in-law’s baby shower about a week and a half ago. The world seemed so different then. I never would have imagined it to be like this now. And if then I couldn’t imagine this, what could life be like in another week and a half? I try not to think about that and just focus on what I can control, but I can’t help going through a lot of what-ifs.

I also wonder what to do with my blog. I would love to be able to blog every day, but I also don’t know what to write about. I will be writing about what I’m doing to manage things and how I’m trying to find ways to have some normalcy in my life, but if this isolation lasts over a month I might not have much to write. I guess if it comes to that, I will figure out a new blogging schedule and hopefully, you will all understand.

Please, stay home to help keep everyone safe and healthy. Even if you would be fine if you got sick, you don’t want to pass it on to someone who wouldn’t be ok. Putting your life on hold isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. And the sooner everyone can do that, the slower this will spread and the more likely it will be that our hospitals can take care of everyone who needs it. We will be ok. We will get through this. It might not seem like that right now, but soon enough we will be looking back at this time and a blip in our lives.

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged coronavirus, health issues, isolation

Trying To Be Cautious But Not Overreact (or Aware Of The News)

Posted on March 13, 2020 | Comments Off

I would be surprised if there is anyone out there unaware of COVID-19 (or coronavirus) right now. It’s all over the news and there is no way to not see at least one story about it on social media. It’s almost impossible to avoid all the news about it unless you don’t watch any tv or do anything online. I’m not necessarily a news junkie, but I do pay attention to the news every day. So this has been something I have been reading and hearing about for a few months.

Whenever there is a big health-related news story, I try to not take everything that is said as the truth. There is usually some sort of spin to the story and I try to find a reliable source to get my information from and to confirm what I have gotten from other sources. For example, when some sources were saying that this was much more fatal than most other diseases, I was able to see online that while it was worse than some other diseases that it is not killing everyone who catches it. When some news was saying that the cases in this country would be down to just 1 or 2 within a few days, I was able to see online that wasn’t likely.

I’m not panicked about what is happening, but I am aware and being careful. I’m making sure I wash my hands much more often now and I am being cautious when I’m out if there is a large crowd. I’m not hoarding food or supplies, but I am making sure that my emergency kit is stocked and that I do have a bit more non-perishable food than I usually have in my house. I know there are several people who are stocking up, but I don’t feel the need to do that. It is a bit annoying that others are because it can make it difficult to get things that I need. For example, it took me 3 stores before I found one with any toilet paper for sale. I was out and needed to buy some, but other people were buying out the entire stock (I don’t quite understand why that is one of the main things people seem to be hoarding).

I don’t want to complain about things being canceled because I know they are doing it for a good reason. But it is sad to see so many things being canceled or postponed that I have been looking forward to doing. Some of them have been fun events and some of them are union meetings. With the union, almost all meetings have been put on hold because they are trying to make sure that we don’t get each other sick. For me, that meant 5 meetings this month are no longer on my calendar. I know that staying healthy is important, but I really have loved doing my union work and I’m sad that I will be missing that this month. And as far as the fun events go, I’m sure those will all be rescheduled at some point and I’ll have a lot of things back on my calendar soon.

With all the different precautions being put into place, I know I am very lucky if anything is done in LA. I already work from home so I don’t have to worry about what will happen if I can’t go to work. I do worry about if there will be as much work for me if things get worse, but I can’t think about that too much. I live close to different stores so I can get things I need (as long as they are in stock). I know some people are worried that grocery stores will be shut down and not open, but even places that have quarantines are keeping stores open so people can buy food and other things they need. I don’t need to worry about having to survive on only the things I have in my house. And I think everyone living in the US is pretty lucky because we do have good hospitals and so many scientists working on this situation right now. Even if politicians say that it’s not a big deal, there are others who know how bad it could be and are working on making sure that doesn’t happen.

I know that things can get really bad, but I’m trying to focus on the situation right now and taking the steps I can do now. And worrying too much or thinking up what could potentially happen isn’t a healthy thing for me. Even though my panic and anxiety aren’t as bad as it used to be, I don’t want to do anything that might trigger an attack or make me spiral. All I can do right now is stay aware, pay attention, and take little steps and actions that will make sure that I stay healthy and safe.

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged health issues, sick

Back To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign)

Posted on January 22, 2020 | Comments Off

When I was through my pain and nausea last week, I was so happy about it. I had when I feel awful and I try to make the most of the time I have when I’m feeling good. I was excited about this past weekend because I thought I would finally be feeling up for doing things. I had some tentative plans to see friends and there was a birthday party I was supposed to go to. And I felt pretty sure that I’d be able to accomplish those things.

I was feeling fine when I had my workout on Saturday and went home after that to shower and get ready for my weekend plans. But right after I took a shower, it felt like I hit a wall. I almost felt like I came down with the flu or something, but I was missing a lot of the symptoms I would have had if that was true. I just was exhausted and just felt drained. I ended up not making it to anything that I had planned to do that evening and spent my night on the couch watching tv and napping.

I had hoped that maybe I was just really tired and that’s why I felt that off, but on Sunday I woke up and noticed that my auto-immune disease was having a high flare day. Sometimes when I’m dealing with a flare day it’s fine and I can go on normally, I just might be a bit slower or not as enthusiastic as normal. But there are other times where it just takes it out of me and it seems like all my energy goes toward the flare day and I can’t do anything else. I assumed that this had to be the reason why I was feeling off the night before. Maybe my body knew this was coming and it was fighting it before it really hit me. So I took it easy on myself on Sunday and figured that I would be feeling better the next day.

But on Sunday night, I had yet another medical issue. I don’t know if it was a UTI or a bladder infection, but they are close enough to the same thing and they have very similar symptoms. This didn’t really hit me until after I went to bed on Sunday so I think I was a bit too sleepy to realize what was happening. But on Monday, there was no question that I needed antibiotics. Because I’ve been treated for this before, I can get a new prescription after a phone appointment. But this still took several hours to get done. Finally, I was able to get my antibiotics and I know that in a few days I’ll finally feel better.

Of course, now I’m dealing with the side effects of the antibiotics and those aren’t fun. Pain and nausea are the main side effects I get, but at least these aren’t as bad as they were last week. But it’s still annoying that I was so excited to have a good week and it ended up being a lot of medical issues piling up on me at once. I wish that these had hit me when I was already feeling awful so that I could have gotten it all done with at once. But bodies don’t work that way and I feel like sometimes dealing with medical issues is the norm that my body likes.

Looking back at my weekend after knowing what happened, I guess hitting that wall on Saturday was a sign that my body was starting to fight something big. Or maybe it was fighting 2 things. I’m not sure if my flare day was also a sign of the infection I would end up getting, but to me, it makes sense that it could be. I am super grateful that these issues are ones that I’m used to experiencing so it wasn’t too awful to figure out. And I knew what to do so I could take care of myself quickly. I still have a few more days of antibiotics so I’m not making plans for this week. I am expecting to be dealing with the side effects until I’m done taking it, but if that ends up not being true then I can just be excited that I was wrong.

I guess it’s a good thing that my body warned me that something was happening, but I didn’t really know what it was at the time. And now, I’m a bit worried that I will be paranoid every time my body hits a wall like that. But hopefully, this was a really rare situation and in the future that I’m just tired it will be due to me not sleeping enough or something simple like that.

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Posted in Health

Tagged health issues, sick

Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Posted on January 21, 2020 | Comments Off

Yesterday, Orangetheory kicked off their transformation challenge. I’ve done the transformation challenge several times, and I’ve even got second in one! I like how OTF does the challenge because it’s not based on total weight loss but the percentage of weight loss. So it’s a bit fairer for everyone who is doing it no matter how much weight they are looking to lose.

OTF doesn’t focus on weight loss other than doing these challenges. The focus on the workouts is about getting stronger and being healthier. I like that that’s what the focus is because I think I would be getting frustrated if the focus was more on weight. My weight fluctuates so much throughout a month so the number on the scale can be annoying. But seeing that I can lift heavier weights is something that I take pride in and see a more linear path. But I know that so many people (myself included) do work out so that they can lose weight. But it’s just not the main focus for me anymore.

Between my fluctuations each week and me still trying to recover from my eating disorder, my weight journey is just crazy right now. For example, I gained about 15 pounds right before I had my period last time and it slowly came off over a week. That’s not too weird for me, but I know it’s weird. And I have been working on not getting down on myself when it happens because I’m always worried that the gain was due to food and not hormones. And even though I haven’t really been able to lose any weight recently, I know that I’m smaller than I was a few months ago. I know people say that muscle weighs more than fat, and I’m guessing that’s what happened, but it’s still a hard thing to believe in my head.

So for me, weight isn’t really something I’m trying to think about. I do have a scale so I can check in with myself or keep myself accountable or realistic when I need to, but I’m not obsessed with the scale as I used to be. When my last scale broke, I didn’t even think about replacing it for almost a month. And I didn’t care what scale I bought, even though in the past it has caused me to almost have a panic attack when I’ve had to get a new scale. It’s really nice to have that stress out of my life. I do still worry about weight from time to time, but it doesn’t control my thoughts as it did before.

I’m not sure what brought this change to me, but I think it has to do with struggling for so long to try to lose weight and not see any results. I have wanted to give up so many times on trying, but at the same time, I know that I have to continue to make good changes in my life as I am right now. Even if the number on the scale doesn’t go down, I know I am living a healthier lifestyle than I was before. And being healthier is what I need to focus on, even if my appearance doesn’t make it look like I’m doing that.

Because of my current thoughts about weight and weight loss, I didn’t even think about doing the transformation challenge. I love what the challenge is about and if I was in a different headspace I would do it. But right now, I know signing up for the challenge isn’t because I think I could win or that my weight would be any different at the end. I would basically be signing up to prove that my weight fluctuations are still there and that it doesn’t matter. And I don’t need to do that for myself.

I know some people use the challenge as a way to motivate them to go at least 3 days a week to OTF. If I needed that motivation, I think that would be a great way to get into a regular workout schedule. But I’m already going 4 days a week almost every week, so I don’t need the challenge to push me to do that. And I’m sure for most people, the prizes are enough motivation to make major lifestyle changes that can last beyond the challenge. But for me, that doesn’t work and I have felt bad when I did make a change for the challenge that I couldn’t maintain.

I am super excited for all my friends who are doing the transformation challenge and I’m going to be cheering them on to win. But for me, I just didn’t see a reason to sign up considering what my life is like right now. I didn’t feel guilty or bad about not doing it, I just have come to the realization that this type of challenge isn’t right for me right now. But maybe in the future, I will be in a better place with my eating disorder and my weight and I will sign up for a challenge and win!

Comments Off on Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Posted in Fitness, Health, Weight Loss

Tagged eating disorder, health issues, Orangetheory, weight loss, workout

Tag Archives: health issues

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