For quite some time, I have said I needed to go through my closet and dresser and get rid of clothes I don’t wear anymore. I also needed to see what things might have holes or other things that needed to be repaired so I could decide if they should be tossed or fixed. I’ve gone through my clothes from time to time and have gotten rid of a lot that was just taking up space, but I know I need to do more work with this because there are things that I’m convincing myself I will wear again.
But there is one part of my wardrobe that I didn’t look at any time I did a closet clean. I think a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight do this, but I had a small collection of my favorite skinny clothes. This wasn’t in my closet but in a storage bag under my bed. So I didn’t have to look at them and be reminded of my skinny clothes that often, but I always knew they were there.
When I lost weight, I was more than happy to get clothes that fit me better. I would try smaller sizes as soon as my current clothes felt even a little baggy. When I gained weight, I held on to those smaller sizes until it was painful to wear them anymore and then I would size up. I haven’t been my skinny size in well over a decade, but for some reason, I still held on to my favorite pieces.
So the other day, when I was doing a big clean to really look at what I want to move and what I don’t need, I decided to finally open up those storage bags and see what I could get rid of. Most of the items in there were things I kept for sentimental reasons. There was one thing that wasn’t skinny clothes, but only sentimental. I had my high school prom dress in that storage bag. I did like my prom dress, but it wasn’t like it was a dream dress or anything. I struggled to find something in my size but I was glad I found something that fit me and was pretty. I only wore it one other time for a costume party, but I was holding on to it. And I figured it was time to let it go so it went into the pile of things to get rid of (which was going to be donated).
And then I started going through the rest of the clothing from the bag. I had 2 pairs of jeans that were the smallest jeans I wore as an adult and they really fit me well when I was that size. I had a few different dresses that I kept for random reasons. One was a cocktail dress that I lucked into finding and wore quite a bit when I was that size. Another I never wore but I bought because it fit perfectly, was a color I loved, and was on clearance when I found it. The only way I knew it was on clearance was because the tags were still on it. I also had a few different shirts that were a mix of fancy dress shirts and silly t-shirts that reminded me of something specific. I thought I had a lot more in that storage bag, but it was under a dozen things.
I thought about keeping a few of my favorites, but honestly, there isn’t really a good reason to do that. I will have more closet space at my new place, but I don’t need to hold onto these things. Even if I fit into them again, they aren’t really in style or my taste anymore. And while they do remind me of a good time when I felt much better about my body than I do now, I don’t need to be reminded of what I used to have. I try not to think about how my life might be different if I never gained weight again. And looking at that clothing did make me wonder about the alternative life I could have had. And while my life would likely be different if I was still skinny, I have no way to know if it would be better than my current life. So I’m choosing not to think like that too much. And the easiest way to do that is to not have any of my skinny clothes in my house anymore.
It was a little tough to get rid of things I have held onto for over a decade, but I did feel a sense of relief when they were gone. I don’t have a reminder of the old me anymore and I don’t need to reflect on my past in terms of my body, weight, or size. I know that I have some clothes in my closet now that probably don’t fit and are the wrong size, but they are things that might just be a size or two off. So I’ll need to do a day where I try on what I own and consider getting rid of what I don’t want to hold onto even if it’s almost the right size.
One day, I might be that skinny size again and I’ll need to buy clothes if that happens. But for now, I want to focus on my size right now and make sure I have clothes that fit who I am now and not who I used to be or who I might be in the future.
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