Posted onJuly 28, 2022|Comments Off on Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)
My panic issues at the dentist have been happening for as long as I can remember. But it seemed for a while that things were finally getting better. I still hated having to go and would be very fearful of what bad news I might hear, but I was managing things a lot better and didn’t feel like I was having a big panic attack like I used to. For a while, I think the fear of getting sick combined with my usual dental concerns were making things worse. But I can never be sure and I just had to tolerate things the best that I could.
I was back at the dentist this week. I had my normal cleaning plus I needed to do the x-rays that I didn’t do the last time I was there. I should have made a note in my calendar that I was doing x-rays as well because I honestly forgot that I was going to do those until I got there. Doing x-rays always adds to my panic because that’s when the dentist can really see if there are any issues that need to be fixed. But they have to be done and I know avoiding anything at the dentist just means that it will be worse for me down the line.
I was quickly brought back to do my x-rays and the process was ok. I don’t like the devices you have in your mouth while doing them, so I always ask the assistant to tell me when I can take them out of my mouth so I don’t have to wait on them. There were a few issues with some of the x-rays needing to be redone, but it wasn’t that bad. Then I was supposed to see the dentist to review the x-rays and start the cleaning.
But I guess there was an issue with another patient taking much longer than expected because there was some juggling around to put people in the right place and I had to wait a bit longer than normal to meet with the dentist. This was a bit different than what it’s been like recently since they haven’t had multiple patients in the office at one time due to the pandemic. But there was only one other person so it wasn’t like it was crowded. And fortunately, because my dentist knows how bad my panic attacks are, she looked at my x-rays and came over to tell me that there were no cavities or anything else to worry about before she went back to finish up with the other patient. That was a nice thing for her to do so I didn’t have to keep waiting and freaking out that I would be told something horrible. It also didn’t help that I had an extremely creepy bad tooth dream the night before and that was freaking me out.
Once it was finally time for my cleaning, the dentist confirmed with me again that everything was looking ok with my teeth. Nothing needed to be repaired and there was no damage that was concerning. I still have the same issues with my teeth that I always do and that makes my cleanings a bit more intense than a normal cleaning, but it wasn’t worse than what my cleanings are normally like. And even though I was shaking and panicking throughout the cleaning, I just tried to focus on breathing and I do other things to try to distract my mind. I knew that there was nothing wrong with my teeth, but I still worry that something will be discovered that wasn’t seen before. I don’t think my panic goes away until I’m getting up from the chair and heading to the front to pay.
I don’t know if or when my panic attacks at the dentist will start getting better again. I don’t know what it will take to put me at ease again because I think I will always fear that I will need something major done. And that is my reality because when you have genetically bad teeth, it’s not if but when that will happen. But I do know that I’m doing pretty much everything I can to prevent that or to make sure that the major work isn’t worse than it needs to be. I guess I will see in 4 months before my next appointment how bad my panic attacks are and continue to do what I need to do and hope for the best!
Posted onJuly 22, 2022|Comments Off on Feeling More Like Myself (or I Know Getting Back On Track Takes Time)
As I wrote a few days ago, I was dealing with some really bad days with my eating disorder. They were rough and I really felt low, both mentally and physically. I knew that my eating disorder could affect me in really extreme ways, but I really hadn’t dealt with those issues until this past weekend. And even though I recognized that I was dealing with some bad days and working my way out of them, I knew it would likely take some time because things can’t always bounce back quickly.
Getting back to eating regularly was something I could start working on right away, but the effects of having a few days without eating well are still with me. I’m feeling weak from time to time and my food schedule is still off. I have used alarms in the past to remind myself to eat, but I don’t always use them. But I knew that I needed to set them back up now so I wouldn’t go through the day without thinking about it. I still don’t always eat when I know I should, but at least I am being reminded about mealtimes. And I do try to figure out something I could eat either when I should eat or have something ready to eat in an hour or so. I am lucky that I never had issues with remembering to drink water, so I haven’t had the side effects you can get from dehydration. But not eating well really takes a toll on your body and I am still feeling some of them.
I knew that feeling more rested would take longer. You can’t really catch up on missed sleep, plus I don’t have that many days I can sleep in each week. I really can only sleep in a bit on Tuesdays and Sundays, but because I get up so early every other day I rarely sleep in that late. But I have been making more of a conscious effort to get to bed sooner and not stay up late watching tv or doing other things. I know that my tv shows can wait until the next day or later that week, so if it’s time I should start getting ready for bed and I’m in the middle of a show, I’m better about just pausing it and turning off the tv. I can get back to them later and I know that getting more sleep will benefit me more in my life. And fortunately, the issues I was having with not being able to sleep or stay asleep have almost gone away. I do still wake up during the night occasionally, but I am not struggling as much as I did at the beginning of the week with falling asleep or going back to sleep. So even if I’m not getting as many hours of sleep as I should, it’s now more consistent sleep during the night.
But what I think is the most important part about getting back to feeling normal is that I am not being hard on myself. I can’t expect perfection, especially when I’m working on getting over some tough days. As much as I would have liked for it to be like a light switch and for things to instantly get better, I am being patient with myself and not looking at these lingering issues as reasons to give up. I know that I will get back to feeling normal eventually, but it will take time. And being upset with myself wouldn’t make things faster, so there’s no point in feeling that way.
Hopefully, I will just continue to feel more and more normal again and I don’t have any new setbacks, but I also know that additional setbacks are always possible. But I’m working on staying optimistic and doing what I can to get over the rough days I went through earlier this week so I can move on to better days.
Posted onJuly 20, 2022|Comments Off on A Rough Weekend For Me (or Working On Getting Back On Track)
I’ve been lucky that with my eating disorder recovery, I haven’t had that many extremes. Obviously, an eating disorder could be considered extreme on its own, but I know that some people have had struggles both with the eating disorder and recovery that are much worse than what I have gone through. I have had some tough days and struggles, but mostly they have been things I have been able to work through and they haven’t affected everything in my life like I know they could. But this past weekend, I had what I would consider one of the worst eating disorder weekends I’ve had since I have tried to get better.
Even though I have a binge eating disorder, the way it works sometimes makes it tough for me to eat. Part of that is just the nature of the eating disorder and part of that is my mind thinking that if I don’t eat it will help me lose weight. I know that you can’t be successful with weight loss if you are starving yourself, which is why I do try to eat at mealtimes even if I don’t feel like it. I know that not eating can backfire and cause me to have a really bad binge episode. But I don’t remember another time where not eating hasn’t resulted in me eating at some point. But that’s exactly what I went through the last few days.
On Saturdays, I don’t always eat breakfast. I try to, but it’s one of the only days I can sleep in a bit later because I don’t have a workout before work. So I can sleep until 7am instead of getting up at 5:45am. I don’t eat while working since I am on the phone, so I usually will have my first meal when I’m done with work at 11am. I guess that could be considered brunch, but it’s just when I get a chance to eat. This past Saturday, things distracted me and I just didn’t eat. I finally thought about it around 5pm, but I really wasn’t hungry. And I struggle to force myself to eat sometimes when I’m not hungry. I finally did force myself to eat something so I didn’t go the entire day without food, but it had been 24 hours since my last meal. I know that some people can do intermittent fasting, but I shouldn’t do that. And not eating much at all that day really affected me mentally and physically. I didn’t sleep well that night.
On Sunday, I tried to force myself to eat something when I got up but I couldn’t stomach eating anything. It wasn’t like I had food poisoning or something, I just had a block in my mind preventing me from eating. And then I got distracted with more things before I could try to fight that thought. Just like on Saturday, I didn’t think about eating again until close to dinnertime. Another 24 hours had passed and I still wasn’t able to eat much. I was able to eat more than Saturday, but it was less than what I know I need to have in a day to function. And again, I slept horribly on Sunday night and I was pretty tired when I went to my workout on Monday morning. My body was also starting to be affected by the lack of food and sleep and I just was in a rotten mood and struggling throughout the day.
I think realizing how badly I was doing on Monday was a reality check that I needed. I went to the grocery store after work and got foods that would be easy to turn into meals, including microwave dinners. I know they aren’t the healthiest options, but I also knew that having some food is better than no food. That might not be the advice everyone with a binge eating disorder gets, but I also knew some of my thoughts and reactions were not what I was used to with my eating disorder. They were closer to what some of my friends with anorexia say they went through. I don’t think my eating disorder is morphing because I was able to snap out of it, but I also think that different eating disorders are closer related than some people realize.
I’m glad that by yesterday, I was starting to do better. After eating a better meal on Monday night, I slept better that night. And on Tuesday, I was able to eat a little bit before work and planned out my meals that day. They aren’t what would be perfect and healthy meals, but they were meals and things that I know I would eat. And that’s exactly what I needed to do and what my focus needs to be on this week.
I’m not worried that this is something that will continue. I think I got a bit lazy with working on recovering and it caught up with me in a weird way. But, it was also a way to prove to myself that when I do have a setback like that, I don’t have to let it take over my life for a long time. I wish I didn’t have to deal with it all weekend, but I’m glad that it seems like I’m getting back on track this week. I don’t feel totally normal just yet, but I think I’m just dealing with some of the effects of having very little sleep over the weekend. But my food is much better and I know that I will continue to feel better.
I know I’m lucky I haven’t had to deal with something like this before, and I’m glad that I have built up enough skills and instincts to not let it get much worse. But it was also a good reminder that I’m still in the struggle with an eating disorder and have work to do before I feel like I’m recovered. And I feel a renewed focus on doing the work I know I need to do and hopefully seeing the results follow soon after.
Posted onJuly 14, 2022|Comments Off on Feeling Like The Summer Is Slipping Away (or Trying To Make A List Of Things To Do)
There are so many things that I love to do around LA. Not everything is specific to certain times of the year or seasons, but there are a few things that can only happen during the summer for example. And I usually have been good about making plans to be able to do at least of few of these. But the past few summers haven’t really been that way.
The summer of 2020 was really spent being at home and making sure I don’t get sick. Yes, I missed out on doing a lot of things that I love, but it was more important for me to stay safe and not get sick. Last summer, I did a few things that I usually try to do, but I was still being very cautious about where I went and who I was around. I also didn’t get out as much because so many of my friends had moved away from LA. It’s tough when you are used to doing certain things with specific friends, and I wasn’t doing a very good job about just asking around to see who was free and wanted to go do something.
This summer, I’ve just been busy. Moving and getting settled into my condo has taken up a lot of my time, although that is something that I’m glad I have been doing because I want to make my condo feel like home. I have also been busy with work. I am still getting used to working more hours than I did before the pandemic. And I am enjoying the work that I’m doing now, especially since I have created my own new position at the company, but it still is taking up more hours than I am used to having for work. For example, I no longer have Mondays off, which used to be the day that I went out and did a lot of fun things. Now, unless I take a day off of work, my only day without work is on Sunday. And I usually spend a lot of Sunday getting things ready for the week.
But I know that saying I’m working more can also be an excuse. I do have a lot of things in the evenings, but that’s not every evening. And I do work on Saturdays, but that’s only in the morning so I can plan for more things mid-day or later in the day. And I know that if I can more fun things to my schedule, it won’t feel as tiring as adding more work hours to my schedule. If anything, it might be a little refreshing to have more time with friends and to get out of the rut that I tend to be in during the week.
So I have been making an effort to make a plan for the second half of the summer. I know that I won’t be able to do everything that I would like to do, but if I could do a few things I know that it will be a benefit to my life. I’ve been looking back at things that I have enjoyed doing and seeing what is possible with my schedule and finances. For example, looking at the schedule at the Bowl or seeing movies at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. Those are a bit more time-specific, but if I find something that I want to see, then I can try to fit it into my schedule. And I’m also working on reaching out to more friends to see who would like to go do things with me. I’m rebuilding friendships that were more like acquaintances in the recent past and that’s been a really great thing for me.
I know that the summer will be over before we know it. Time always seems to move quicker every year and I know that if I don’t make an effort that summer will be done and some of the things I want to do won’t be options until next summer. If I don’t make it to anything that I would like to do, I want to make sure that I at least try. And maybe if I can’t get things done this year, it will help remind me to make plans for next summer so I don’t miss out on that time again.
Posted onJuly 7, 2022|Comments Off on I Support Healthcare (or I Will Always Be Pro-Choice)
If you follow me on social media, you likely have seen me post quite a bit of pro-choice content since the overturning of Roe v Wade. I am very pro-choice and have always felt that way. And I am very vocal about my feelings. Things have been getting worse over time, but when the Supreme Court made its ruling, so many people lost their rights to healthcare that is so necessary.
I know that there are people who say that the ruling didn’t make abortions illegal, it just left it up to the states. But why should the state you live in decide what rights you have over your body? Not everyone has the luxury to be able to travel to another state to get the healthcare they might need or want. And for people who say that if you want to have rights you should just move to a state that allows it, that is a very privileged point of view. It’s very expensive to move (even for my move which was only 3 blocks was expensive). Not everyone has a job that they can transfer to a new state. They might live near family and not want to leave them.
And leaving it up to the states doesn’t have the best history. In the past, some states felt it was fine to enslave others. Shouldn’t everyone have the right to be free no matter where they are in the country? And what if other states want to create other rules. Maybe some states will require vasectomies unless someone is married and can prove they can financially care for a child. I don’t think a lot of people would be ok with that. How about some states not allowing for blood transfusions because some religions do not believe in those? Should you only get life-saving care if you live in a state that happens to allow it?
And I don’t feel like abortions are only ok if they are medically necessary. While I have not ended a pregnancy, I have several friends who have. And they all have had their reasons. Some were needed to save their lives, some were because the fetus had a condition that wasn’t compatible with life and they did not want to continue the pregnancy, and others did not feel ready or able to have a child. All of those are valid reasons. I know that there are adoptions, but that is an alternative to parenting, not pregnancy. Pregnancy is a risky time and can cause changes to someone that can last years or the rest of their lives. It is not right to force someone to go through that if they do not want to. And for everyone who says there is a waitlist for babies, that’s not a good reason to force others to go through a pregnancy. Nobody owes you a baby. And if you really have it in your heart to open your home to a baby or child that needs it, there are thousands of children in foster care that need homes. There are options to help children outside of adopting a baby.
I know some people say that if it’s medically necessary, it’s fine to end a pregnancy. But some of the new laws are very unclear about when doctors can save a woman’s life without risking their medical license or jail time. Ectopic pregnancies are not viable, and some states now require people to be actively dying to terminate the pregnancy instead of doing a much simpler surgery when they are still stable and not bleeding out. That’s already happening with some patients where the doctors have been meeting with lawyers and it can take hours before it’s approved for them to save the patient. There’s also someone who is early in pregnancy and just was diagnosed with cancer. She cannot receive cancer treatments as you cannot go through chemo while pregnant and it was not approved for her to terminate her pregnancy as her life is not at immediate risk. So if she could not travel to another state, she would have to delay life-saving treatment and by the time she could start her cancer may be too advanced to treat.
There are also cases like mine, where pregnancy could be very dangerous and life-threatening for me. But that’s only if my tumors rupture. What if they start to grow if I’m pregnant but they aren’t ruptured? Would I just have to wait around to see if they will and I bleed to death? Would I just wait to see if I get to live or if I will die even though there is a procedure that could save my life? And of course, there are cases of assault that result in pregnancy and there aren’t always exceptions for that, no matter how young someone might be.
But if you only think abortions are ok when they are due to assault or when someone’s life is at risk, then that is saying that you feel like an unwanted pregnancy is a punishment for having sex. That’s not right. Why should someone be punished for having sex when they don’t want to have a child? If you only believe in sex as a part of procreation, do you not believe in married couples having sex if they do not want to have a baby? And you can be on birth control and get pregnant, so using protection isn’t a guarantee. So do you want to punish someone who tried to not get pregnant but their birth control failed? How about in the states where they are trying to make some types of birth control illegal? I have heard people say that they are only trying to make some types of birth control illegal, but a copper IUD is on the list that they are trying to ban and that is the only type that I can use.
And then, there are the new issues that people are encountering because of the bans on abortions. There are medications that some people take that either can cause a miscarriage or cannot be used if someone is pregnant. I was on one of these medications in the past and had to sign paperwork agreeing I wouldn’t get pregnant. But these are necessary medications for conditions such as arthritis or lupus. But because of what they could do to a future fetus (not one that currently exists), there are some women who are being told they can no longer take the medication their doctors want them to take. Men can take them, but a woman cannot even if she’s not pregnant and signs paperwork saying they will not get pregnant. A non-existent fetus is causing people to lose the right to use medications to manage their medical conditions.
I know that I live in a state that is protecting the right to terminate pregnancies, but that’s just because of the leadership we have in our state now. What if that changes? Without the right to not be forced to carry out a pregnancy being a right for everyone in the country, anyone in any state is at risk of losing that right. And as so many people have said for so many years, banning abortions will not end abortions, it will only end safe abortions. I know people who would do anything they would need to do to end an unwanted pregnancy, no matter how risky it is.
I want to be hopeful for the future of this country, especially with a huge majority of citizens wanting abortions to remain legal. The few people on the Supreme Court do not represent the will of the majority, even if they did get to make the decision for us. Maybe there will be enough changes politically to restore this right. But I don’t know. It’s scary seeing how little some politicians understand about healthcare and the decisions they are making. They have said things such as ectopic pregnancies being viable and able to be moved to a uterus, even though no doctor says that and they all agree they are non-viable. Some do not understand that fertilization does not mean an embryo will result in a pregnancy because it might not implant. And there are some politicians who believe that there has never been a time when pregnancy put someone’s life at risk despite all the stories of when exactly that has happened. People who do not understand pregnancies are the ones making laws about them and because of their confusion, the laws make no sense and will result in deaths.
I just hope that things can change before too many people die because they are not allowed to be saved by doctors or they do whatever it takes to end an unwanted pregnancy. I will always fight for the right for people to choose what they want to do with their bodies. Not just for abortions. If you are diagnosed with treatable cancer but decide to not use any traditional treatments, I believe you should be able to do what you feel is right. If you prefer to use prayer over chemo, I want you to be able to do that. If you don’t want to be forced to donate an organ or blood, I agree and you should not have to do anything to your own body that you do not want. And nobody should be forced to go through a pregnancy and all the life-altering things that can come from that either. Even if you do not parent, pregnancy is not a punishment and nobody is an incubator.
Posted onJune 17, 2022|Comments Off on Still Feeling Sick (or This Will Be Another Short Post)
I know I just wrote about how miserable I was feeling this week. Unfortunately, that’s continued through the rest of this week. I have been really struggling a lot and I just can’t seem to make myself feel better. I’ve been trying all the things I have figured out in the past plus the new things I have just gotten to try to not be in as much pain or feel as nauseous. I am glad that I was able to get my anti-nausea medication in the mail yesterday so I was able to start taking that and it does help a bit. But I’ve just had to think of this week as a bit of a loss.
I really wanted to go out and do some fun things after work because my schedule had the availability for it. Instead, I have been spending so much time on my couch and in my bed. I’m even having to work from bed a bit because I am in so much pain. I hate doing that because it’s easier to work sitting at my desk. But when the pain is so bad that you can’t sit upright, working from bed has to be done. I probably should invest in a little surface I can put my laptop on to make working from bed easier. But I also don’t want to think that I will have to do that too much since it’s usually such a rare thing.
And when I’m in so much physical pain, I know my mental health takes a hit. I’m trying to do the things that I enjoy that aren’t causing me more issues. I’ve been reading a lot before and after work, and that’s a nice distraction. I haven’t been stressing out about things that aren’t as important or necessary right now like being perfect with cleaning. My condo isn’t messy, but I try to do some cleaning every day so it doesn’t pile up. But I’ve been letting it slide this week because I just don’t feel like it.
I know that this will be temporary and I usually don’t feel this bad. And I guess it’s good that I didn’t have anything I had to do this week. When my parents were here last month, it was when I was in pain and nauseous, but it wasn’t this bad. If it was, our visit would have been a lot worse. So I guess if I have to be miserable, it’s good that I’m not having to take things off of my schedule. And I know that it’s unlikely that next month will be like this, so I should be able to not have a week where I just can’t do much. But even though I know that, it doesn’t help when I really feel like this and it seems like this won’t end. But I do know that it will end and I’m almost at the end of when I should be feeling like this. And I can’t wait for it to be over so I can move on.
Posted onJune 15, 2022|Comments Off on Feeling Sick And Unmotivated (or Trying New Things To Feel Better)
I’ve had to deal with monthly pain and nausea for several years now. I know I was lucky that I got to avoid this for 15 years when I was on the birth control pill, but I’m still annoyed that I had to stop taking the pill because of my tumors. I wish I could still be avoiding this every month, but unless I take extreme measures (which I feel will be in the future for me), I don’t have many options. I know my doctor is always trying to think of new medications I can try, but I’m just in an unfortunate spot where there aren’t that many options for me. But I do the best that I can to manage it.
Because I’ve been dealing with this for a few years, I do have a bit of a routine that I rely on to try to feel better. But I do feel like each month things are getting worse for me. Sometimes I have more intense pain and nausea and sometimes it just lasts longer than it did before. Occasionally I’ll have a lucky month where things are just annoying, but then I’ll have other months where I really struggle to feel like I can get anything done. And this month is one where I’m really struggling.
Part of this struggle is my fault because I didn’t realize I was out of my preferred anti-nausea medication. I have another one I can take while I wait for my refill to come in, but it doesn’t help as much. And I have a feeling I won’t be nauseous by the time my refill gets here. But at least that means I’ll be prepared for next month.
I think this is true no matter what is making someone feel sick, but when I’m dealing with pain and nausea I’m not that motivated or productive. I try to do what I can, but sometimes I have to prioritize just doing what I have to do, such as work, and not worrying about anything else. But I also know that I can’t just do nothing for the next week or so because my brain won’t let me. So I’m trying new things this month to try to feel a little better.
I’m really focused on trying to stay hydrated throughout the day. Overall, I don’t usually worry about hydration because I know I drink enough water. But it can be in chunks of time where I drink a lot in the morning and then I might not drink any water for a few hours. So now, I’m trying to make sure I keep drinking water throughout my day. I don’t have an alarm or anything because I think this will be easy enough for me to do, but it is something that I make sure to focus on. And I think like most people who deal with pain know, a heating pad can really make things better. And I’ve had a variety of heating pads that I have used over the years. The main ones I have used were a microwavable one that was filled with rice and the one-time-use ones that have adhesive so you can wear them under your clothes. But I finally got a plug-in heating pad and it has been a very nice tool to help me.
I didn’t have a plug-in heating pad before for a few reasons. First, my old place had very few electrical outlets, so I could only use it in a few different spots that might not be as comfortable unless I unplugged other things that I needed. Also, the plug-in ones get really hot (which is a good thing), but I was always warm in my old place even with the a/c running. But now, I have central a/c so I have been running it to keep me cool when the heating pad was on high. I still feel a bit overheated, but it helps and lets me use the heating pad a bit longer than I would without the a/c.
I will just have to try my best for the next week or so. I hope that I feel up to being more productive again soon because I really hate feeling like I’m just being lazy. And maybe my refill will get here sooner than expected so I can use it this month. But just like always, I know this time is temporary this month and soon I’ll have 2-3 weeks of feeling good again.
Posted onMay 26, 2022|Comments Off on I Still Don’t Have The Words (or I’m So Mad That A Difference Hasn’t Been Made)
I have written about shootingsbefore on here. And it seems like every time I write about a shooting, I have the same things to say. Or not to say. I am in disbelief about what has happened. I am sad for our country and that a minority of people seem to be in charge of what happens. And I am angry that for some reason, the rights of guns seem to be higher than the rights of people. I don’t know what else I can say about it.
And because of how often mass shootings happen in this country (which is a very sad thing to say to begin with), I don’t write about each one. That doesn’t mean I’m not upset or that I think this is normal. But if I wrote about each one, I might not be writing about anything else. But after what happened this week, I have to write about it.
I am disgusted at what happened in Texas this week. An entire classroom has been killed. Those kids were innocent and were just getting ready to enjoy their summer break. Instead, going to school that day was the last thing they would do in their short lives. And I can’t imagine the grief their families feel. I can’t imagine the guilt some of the parents might feel after dropping their kids off and thinking they would be safe. How could they know what was going to happen that day? And I read that there was an award ceremony earlier in the day so some of the parents got to see their kids receive awards and then later their kids would be dead. It’s just unthinkable.
And every time there is a shooting, it seems like the same things happen right after. Some people will say we should not do anything but grieve the lives that were lost and others will call for action. And I’m someone who is calling for action. If we wait until the grieving process is done, we will have another shooting and nothing will be done. I think so many of us thought something would be done after the shooting at Sandy Hook. But somehow, it seems like it has only gotten worse.
I am not a gun owner. I don’t think there is anything wrong with owning a gun, but I do think that there are some guns that are really not necessary for personal use. If you have a gun for protection or hunting, do you really need something that is used in a war? How many shots do you need in a few seconds to feel protected? But I won’t get into that issue because as someone who doesn’t own guns, I can’t fully understand why someone might have the type of gun they choose. But from my friends who do own guns, I do understand that they, along with a majority of the country, think we need more regulations regarding gun ownership.
If you want to be able to drive a car, which can be a deadly thing, you need to learn how to drive. You have to pass a test. You receive a license to drive and you have to have insurance in case your actions as a driver cause harm to another. And from what I’m hearing from gun owners, they agree that these ideas for guns seem to be a good idea. If you are going to own something that can kill dozens of people, you should know how to use it and how to make sure you keep it safe. If you harm others by accident or on purpose, you should have insurance to pay for the care of those you harm. If you are injured in a shooting, not only do you have to deal with the aftermath and recovery related to that, you may have hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills to deal with once you are recovered. You should be able to make the person responsible for your injuries pay for that. Again, it’s just like having a car.
I know adding these regulations and rules won’t end all gun violence, but it shouldn’t be as easy as it is right now to get a gun. You can get a gun even if you are too young to drink or rent a car. Some states allow people who have a history that makes them a danger to others to buy a gun. If people who want to end abortions are all about preserving life, why aren’t they fighting for the lives that are ended from gun violence? I know they will say it is different, but I don’t see how it is. While I disagree that an embryo is the same as a child if someone believes that how do they think it’s ok for a child in elementary school to die? And I know there is the argument that teachers should be armed or have more guns to protect schools. I don’t know any teacher that wants to have a deadly weapon in their classroom that could accidentally harm a student or that a student could use against them. And the school in Texas had armed police that tried to stop the shooter before he got inside and was able to do the horrible things that he did.
I don’t have the answers to how to fix this other than that something has to be done. We have done this for years and things are only getting worse. And I don’t know how much worse it can get and I don’t want to have to see that. Nobody is saying to take away all the guns, but we need to stop allowing the gun lobby to decide what protections we get and ignore what a majority of the country is begging to have happen.
Posted onMay 19, 2022|Comments Off on Still Not Feeling Like We Are Post-Pandemic (or Continuing To Struggle Being Social)
For over 2 years now, I’ve had a very limited social life. I didn’t have the craziest social life before the pandemic, but I know I was going out and being around other people way more often. Even if it wasn’t for a social event, I feel like I had something related to the union at least once a month. Plus going out with friends and having fun adventures throughout the month. I also think that before the pandemic, I had a slightly better schedule for going out and doing things, but I think that is not that big of a change and just something I need to be more used to.
I know there are a lot of people talking about how we are in a post-pandemic world, but I do disagree with that idea. Things still aren’t great. People are still getting sick and dying. Treatments are available, but they aren’t perfect. And I’m still at a higher risk for getting really sick so I do have to be careful. But things are better than what they were before. Even if people are still getting sick, the death rate is lower. It needs to be even lower than this for me to feel like we are out of the pandemic, but I do agree that we are not in as bad of a situation as we have been before.
And I don’t regret how seriously I took the pandemic. I’m so grateful that I was able to stay safe and healthy. That’s a luxury that not everyone had. And for a long time, it was a struggle to be as isolated as I was. I had some really tough moments where I felt like I was left alone in the world. I’m used to being alone, but I was learning how to actually be lonely. And being lonely is something that I don’t think I ever truly experienced before. But now, I’m finding it a struggle to come out of the isolation that now seems normal to me.
I don’t want to live in serious fear, but I am still cautious. I don’t want to avoid the people that I know taking things as seriously as I do. I know being around others is a risk, but it’s an acceptable risk for me when I know they are not going out and doing things that will put me at even more risk of getting sick. And when I see friends, it still is a bit weird and awkward with figuring out if we need to try to space ourselves out, if people are ok with hugs again, and explaining if you have a cough that you know you don’t have Covid (something I have to explain so often since I have had a persistent cough for a majority of my life).
So as scary as it can feel sometimes to say yes to something a friend invites me to, I know I need to push myself a little bit more now. I still will take into consideration what the event is and how safe I can be. But if someone who takes things seriously is having something that is outside, that is safe and I shouldn’t be scared to go. But I still get that little voice in my head asking if I should go or not. And I do say no to some things if I feel like it’s just too much of a risky situation or an unknown for me. I haven’t been invited to too many things since so many of my friends have moved away in the past 2 years, but that also has given me an opportunity to reconnect with older friends or turn acquaintances into friends.
Maybe because I’ve had to rebuild my social life before, I’m ok with having to rebuild it again this time. But the last time, I didn’t have to worry about health and safety while rebuilding it and that is the roadblock that is still really difficult for me to get past. But I’m hoping that as it gets warmer and there are more outdoor things I can attend, I will slowly have more of my social life back and feel less like I’m still living in the middle of a pandemic.
Posted onMay 4, 2022|Comments Off on These Feel Like Scary Times (or This Is The Time To Fight For Our Rights)
I’m sure everyone has heard of the draft by the Supreme Court to overturn abortion rights. For so many of us, this was what we were afraid would happen. After seeing the rush to get new justices on the court who seemed pretty certain they would do this, it seemed inevitable. I had hoped that we would be wrong, but it seems like everyone who thought we were overreacting was wrong and we were right to worry.
Whether or not you agree with having an abortion yourself, nobody should be able to tell someone if they are allowed to have a medical procedure. Nobody can force you to donate blood or a kidney, so why would it be allowed to force someone to use their uterus against their will? Some people claim that because there is adoption, there is no need for an abortion. But that is forcing someone to carry a pregnancy against their will and suffer the physical and mental risks that come with that. And even if you do go through with a pregnancy and have someone adopt the baby (which isn’t a guarantee because you can see how many babies are in foster care that need homes), who is going to also cover the financial risks for the person who had to give birth? They can’t go back to work the next day, so will the government cover paid time off for everyone who is forced to do this? How about all the medical bills? Giving birth can be thousands of dollars. If you are doing this and it’s not your choice, you shouldn’t be forced into paying for the medical care you didn’t want.
So many states have trigger laws that will outlaw all abortions if Roe v. Wade is overturned. So if a child is assaulted and becomes pregnant, they will be forced to go through the pregnancy. Some states don’t even allow for terminations if the mother’s life is at risk, so they are sentencing people to death which would end the pregnancy anyway. But I guess they would rather end the mother’s life so they can say they never ended the pregnancy.
And there are so many other issues that come up with this connected to pregnancy if these rights are overturned. We’ve already seen a mother who had a miscarriage be arrested because they thought she had an abortion. I would suspect that would happen more and more as some states give financial rewards for helping them punish women who terminate their pregnancies. Even if those women are found innocent and let free, who pays for their legal help? If they are in jail for a few days and lose their kids because of it, who will help them get things resolved? And then there is the issue of embryos and IVF. When you go through IVF, you create embryos and not all of them are used. Some have genetic issues that would not end up as a viable pregnancy. Others might just be extras after you have your kids. People are given options of what to do with extra embryos, but if termination is illegal will they be forced to use all their embryos even if they are not going to make it? Will they be made to go through the entire IVF procedure knowing they cannot have a pregnancy just so they use up the rest? I know there are embryo donations for extras that are deemed normal that others could use, but would you have to donate the ones you know cannot succeed? And then there is still the financial aspect of it. If you are forced to use all that are made, who pays for the medications and surgeries to use them up when you don’t want to have a baby? Or will people stop doing IVF because of these fears and risks?
And outside of the concerns about the right to an abortion, the draft shows a scary future that the Supreme Court might be creating. They mention that this needs to be overturned and that other things were decided based on the same “invalid” reasoning. These include the right for same-sex couples to marry, the right to have access to birth control, and the right to interracial marriage. This is a slippery slope and I can’t imagine what would happen if they come after those rights next. But why would they mention them in the draft if this wasn’t a preview of their plan?
But now is not the time to be scared. This is the time to fight. And there are many ways to fight. First, if you want to donate to help those who need access to safe and needed medical care, there is a good list on this page. There are talks about protests coming and I would watch social media to see more about that. Make sure you speak up however you can. This draft might have been released so they could see our reaction, and we don’t want to be quiet and have people think we are ok with this. We need to be loud and make sure that safe abortions are accessible. Overturning this will not make abortions go away. It will only make safe abortions go away for millions of people. Those who have the means and money will always find ways to have safe abortions. They might travel to another state to do it or find another way to make sure they get the care they want. But those who don’t have that option will be the victims of this. They will find unsafe ways to end their unwanted pregnancies and we do not want to see that happening. We need to keep each other safe, and keeping safe abortions legal is one way to do it.
I really hope that this draft ends at just being a draft and those on the Supreme Court somehow change their minds, but we can’t just wait and see. We have to make sure we are fighting because if we don’t before we know it more rights will be gone. And now is the time we have to fight for this right and I will not be quiet as long as I have my voice.
Another Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking)
