Monthly Archives: April 2021

Working On Speaking Up For Myself (or Finding A Balance Between Confident and Bossy)

Posted on April 30, 2021 | Comments Off on Working On Speaking Up For Myself (or Finding A Balance Between Confident and Bossy)

I think a lot of women were raised to be polite or demure. We aren’t supposed to make a lot of trouble for people and try to go with the flow. We are called bossy if we do speak up and that’s used as an insult. Men are called assertive and that’s a good thing, but women are bossy and it’s bad. I wasn’t raised to not speak up for myself, but I was raised to be kind and polite. And sometimes being kind and polite means being quiet because speaking up could cause issues. And this is a mindset that I’ve had for a long time even when I wanted to fight it.

A big place this has been a problem for me in the past has been in jobs. I know that having a job isn’t always a given. There are a lot of times that I know I’m lucky to have a job or opportunity and I don’t want to lose it. But this also means that I’ve tolerated a lot of bad workplaces in the past. There’s one job where I was harrassed by my manager, but I never spoke up because I was worried about being fired. I did speak to HR, but they didn’t seem to take it seriously. My manager would call me fat or make fun of my personal life in front of others and I just stayed quiet. There was another job where my boss was verbally abusive to all the employees. I was a receptionist and when I asked for a raise (which was a part of my contract) he screamed at me saying that I was an awful person for not appreciating what I had. The one time that I did speak up a bit was at one job that wanted me to take some continuing education classes and then I found out the only places I could take them that they would be ok with would be through their religious headquarters. But even then, I didn’t speak up that much. I just said that the job wasn’t a good fit for me and not that it was illegal for them to require me to pay for classes from a religious group.

And I think from my posts on here it’s clear that another place I have struggled with speaking up is with dating. I don’t think this one is as gendered, but I do think a lot of women want to be the cool girl who doesn’t push too hard. You don’t want to be the one to bring up where your relationship is going because you don’t want to seem like you are pushing for marriage and scare the guy off. I’m slowly starting to learn that if the guy is the right guy, discussing the tough stuff won’t scare them off. But I still am always worried that I will scare a guy off and for some reason they are the last person who will ever be interested in me. It doesn’t help that I have had some relationships end when I had the “what are we” conversation and another relationship end because a guy claimed he didn’t believe me enough when I said I wasn’t pushing for us to be in a relationship. But I also can look back at those past relationships and realize that even if I didn’t have that conversation, the relationship wouldn’t have lasted for other reasons.

But I’m noticing that I am getting better at speaking up lately.

I’ve spoken up at all of my jobs now to make sure that things are working out for me. I’ve spoken up about asking for a raise when it was in the job offer that one would be coming. I’ve spoken up about my schedule and what would work best for me. And I’ve spoken up about job responsibilities and what seems reasonable.

And with dating, even though it’s still tough to date during the pandemic, it is getting easier as things get safer. And that means I have more chances to speak up and advocate for myself. I’m not pushing hard for anything that feels unreasonable, but I am setting boundaries and expectations. For example, someone from my past reached out to me and I had some hesitation about trying things again with them. They had some issues with being reliable and being an infrequent texter. So I told them that if they wanted to start talking again, it had to be on the phone and not over text. And I’m holding them to that. They still are texting, but I am not responding most of the time. And when I do respond, I say the same thing again about how if they want to talk to me they need to call. I don’t have to just go with what they want when it’s not what I want. And if there is someone that I have talked to that I want to see again, I am getting more comfortable with being very upfront and asking them out again. I’m not waiting on them to ask me out. If I want to see them again, I am clear about that so they know where I stand.

I do still worry that sometimes I seem bossy or demanding, but I’m working through that more and more. And the more that I do speak up for myself and see the positive response I get in return, the more comfortable I feel doing this. I know that it’s not always going to work out for me and I do have stories of where it didn’t work, but more often it either works or opens up the conversation to discuss things more so I can make sure that I’m getting what I want out of life, work, and relationships.

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Default ThumbnailFinding A Work/Life Balance (or Preparing to Not Be Unemployed) Default ThumbnailBeing Hurt And Finding Closure (or Still Finding Out More About Myself Through Dating) Default ThumbnailWorking On A Work/Life Balance (or Almost Repeating A Recent Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailProductive One Way And Slacking In Another (or Working On Finding Time) Default ThumbnailFinding Balance (or My Word For 2020) Default ThumbnailGetting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

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Posted in Dating, Tough Stuff, Work

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Having A Busier Routine Is Nice (or This Feels Even More Like Normal)

Posted on April 29, 2021 | Comments Off on Having A Busier Routine Is Nice (or This Feels Even More Like Normal)

Over the past year, I went from having one routine to another. And there were plenty of times that I had no routine that I had to follow. I tried to create my own routine when I had nothing happening. I kept up my workout routine and checked in with my work friends from my box office customer service job on a regular basis. But there was a lot of time that I spent doing nothing productive and I even got into some bad sleep habits with sleeping in later than I would like.

Once I started my new job, it was a bit of an adjustment to go from no schedule to a work schedule. Even though I don’t work full-time, I do have work 6 days a week (soon it will be 5 days a week). I had to make sure I was getting up on time to get my workout done before work. I had something that was making each day feel a bit different. I still struggled a bit with the adjustment, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I think the fact that I worked on my sleep habits a bit before I started at the new job helped me a lot.

And I’ve only been adding more and more to my weekly schedule. I now work back at my old job 3 days a week (that may go up to 5 days soon, but it depends on a lot of factors). I have a pretty good routine going with how to balance my different jobs and make sure that I’m doing the correct work each day. And just last week, I added going into Orangetheory back into my schedule too.

Even though my workouts are the same days a week that I was doing them at home, it’s very different going into the studio to work out. First, my workout is now an hour long when it was closer to 30 minutes for a while. And because this workout is so familar to me, it feels really great to have it back as a regular part of my life. And I’m actually getting out of my house more often because of the workouts. I know that I will be leaving my house at least 4 days a week to work out, but it’s usually more often than that because of other things in my life.

And getting out of my house has been another nice routine that I have gained recently. While I have worked from home for several years, I never spent so much time in my house without getting out and doing something. And just getting into my car and driving the few mintues to my workout has been a really good thing for my mental health. It helps me not feel so alone. I feel like I’m a part of the world again. I feel like there is some forward motion in my life again. Just the simple routine of getting into my car and driving that short distance is something so familiar to me that makes me feel like my old life is coming back now. It’s a great feeling and yet another thing I didn’t realize how much I was craving until I started doing it again.

I do still have a lot of free time every day that I wish I could fill with more fun stuff. But I have a pretty great routine going for me right now for the first half of the day. I am getting up earlier than I used to (so I can make it to my workout) and most of the things I have to do every day are done by either noon or 3pm. So then I have time to relax or do something else after work. And just having an after work time is nice. I allows me to try to create a bit of a separation in my life, even if I can’t get out of my house every day.

And once things are fully open again and it’s safe to live our full lives again, the nice thing is that my work schedule isn’t going to change too much from what it is now. I will hopefully have some more hours with my box office job, but that will just mean that I work until 3pm every day instead of only some days. And my morning workout might slighly change time when they add in more classes, but it will be close to the time that they are now. So in a way, I’m already in my normal schedule for the future. I just get to focus on adding more and more things to my day as I can do them and add to my life and what I get to have fun doing.

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Default ThumbnailThis Does Feel Like A Normal Routine (or Another Full Workout Week) Default ThumbnailMaking Busy Days Busier (or I Guess I Like To Maximize Only Certain Days) Default ThumbnailFeeling Useful Feels Good (or I Need To Be Productive) Default ThumbnailFinally It Feels Like Things Are Normal (or A Week Of Various Self-Care) Default ThumbnailNew Routine Time (or Time Management At Home) Default ThumbnailFinding Time For Friends (or Busting Out Of My Routine)

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Still Watching The Oscars With Friends (or Not Missing This Tradition For Anything)

Posted on April 28, 2021 | Comments Off on Still Watching The Oscars With Friends (or Not Missing This Tradition For Anything)

I’ve been watching the Oscars with my friends for a long time. I actually looked back to see how long I’ve been going to Oscar parties with this group of friends and it’s been since I was 19! I knew it had been since I was in college, but I didn’t realize it was that long. I don’t have photos of all the costumes I’ve worn throughout the years, but I did find a lot of them when I was looking back at Oscar Parties past.

I love watching the Oscars with my friends and it’s a tradition that’s been a part of my life for a long time. But just like so much over the past year, we all knew this tradition wasn’t going to be able to happen the way that we were used to. A lot of us are vaccinated, but it’s still safer to avoid big parties right now. So the Oscar party this year was done how so many things have been done since the pandemic started. We had a party on Zoom.

We weren’t wearing costumes and we didn’t have the contest to guess the winners, but it still felt like the Oscar party that I love so much. The party is a lot about the people who go, and I loved seeing the people who were able to join.

Usually at the party, there is a quiet room and a loud room. The loud room talks during the show and the focus is a bit more on the party. The quiet room, where I always am, doesn’t allow talking during the show and you can talk during the commercials. We are social during the commercials, but I want to be able to hear what happens during the show and don’t want to miss anything.

Originally, I said I would be doing quiet room rules on Zoom and many others said they would be talking during the show. But we realized that we all had to almost do quiet room rules with muting things because our tvs weren’t at the exact same moment at the same time. So most of us muted ourselves (I also muted my computer) and a bunch of us turned off our videos during the show. And as soon as the commercials started, we were back on Zoom to discuss things. We also had the chat in Zoom going so we could say our silly remarks during the show.

The Oscars itself were interesting. I wasn’t as invested in it as I normally am (similar to how I felt during the SAG Awards). I wasn’t really rooting for any particular actors or films, but I do still love to see who wins. And since they didn’t have a time limit on the speeches this year, it was nice to hear the winners say what they want without getting cut off. And it was nice that for most of the winners, they were in the room so they didn’t have to give their speeches over Zoom. For the few that did do that, it seemed like things were set up a bit more officially than other award shows, so they didn’t have the technical issues that other shows have had. That was nice.

And even though I was watching the show on my couch by myself, I still was able to feel like I was watching with my friends. We got to be silly together and joke about what we watched during the show. And I think we all agree that next year, all of us are going to try to go all out for costumes since we didn’t wear costumes this time. Hopefully, next year I will have watched more of the movies that were nominated and will have stronger feelings about who I want to win.

But no matter what, I’m so glad that I was able to continue this tradition with my friends even though things weren’t the way we usually do them.

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Some Friend and Acting Time (or Still Helping With Self-Tapes)

Posted on April 27, 2021 | Comments Off on Some Friend and Acting Time (or Still Helping With Self-Tapes)

It’s been a little while since I’ve had an audition. That’s ok, I know that not everything is back just yet and it might take longer for more shows to be back in production. And for a lot of shows, they are trying to limit the size of their casts, so they might not have as many co-stars as they had before. It is getting better than it was earlier this year, but it’s still not back to full capacity.

And I’m also ok with it since I don’t usually get a ton of auditions in normal times. I do want that to improve and I have some things I’m hoping to change in the near future to hopefully help, but for right now I’m more focused on making sure I’m in a good spot to take advantage of what I’d like to do. So while I’d love to have more auditions and opportunties right now, I’m not that concerned that things haven’t changed that much for me.

But I have had some friends noticing an increase in their auditions lately and that’s awesome. Some of them are going into a casting office for their auditions, but doing self-tapes is still a very popular option. And while there are some things I don’t love about self-tapes, there are a lot of benefits too. And learning how to do self-tapes when people are not together in the same place has been something everyone has been learning to do.

Normally with self-tape auditions, you’d have a friend come by to help you by having them be the camera person and saying the other lines in the scene. And even though I’m vaccinated and many of my friends are as well, we still aren’t going to someone’s place to help them record. This isn’t that bad of a plan, because it’s nice that we all know how to help friends do their self-tape auditions even if we can’t get over to them. I don’t hate having to drive across town to help a friend, but it’s nice to not have to do that.

And I got the chance to help friends do self-tapes recently and it really does make me happy. I obviously would prefer to have my own auditions, but even being a reader lets me have a little time where I get to have a bit of acting time. The most recent self-tape I helped with was for my birthday twin friend, Joanna. It was for a film project and I was able to help her over Zoom so I was being the reader while in her house.

It was an interesting audition to be a reader for because almost all the lines were ones I had to read. Joanna had some lines too, but a lot more of her audition was about reacting. So it really gave me time to feel like I had playtime with acting. I wasn’t doing anything too crazy since it wasn’t my audition, but I still tried hard to make sure I was the best reader possible for her.

After going through a few takes with different options, Joanna had a great take that I thought was amazing! We did another one after that just to be safe and she checked her camera to make sure that everything looked and sounded fine. It was perfect and we were able to get her entire audition done in only a few minutes.

But since we both had set aside a bit more time for her audition, we stayed on Zoom and had a nice chance to hangout and talk. It’s a little crazy to think that we are actually having more hangout time in a pandemic than normal times. We usually text throughout the year but only really see each other for our birthday and for our cheesecake outing. But this past year we also had the Drag Queen show and the times we’ve helped each other with our self-tapes. I love that somehow the pandemic has given us more chances to see each other and talk. And since we had just seen each other somewhat recently, there wasn’t a lot to discuss in our post-audition hangout. But it was still nice to have some time with a friend since that’s something I still am not doing that often.

I hope that either I get some self-tape auditions or I have friends who need help so I can be a reader coming up. When there aren’t a lot of things I can control in my acting career, having these moments are so much fun for me to do. And it’s even better when I get to also have a friend hangout after some acting fun!

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Finally Back! (or 13 Months Later)

Posted on April 26, 2021 | Comments Off on Finally Back! (or 13 Months Later)

This past week of workouts can be split into 2.

The first 2 workouts of the week were at home as I’ve been doing for the last year. I did my usual weightlifting routine, but I didn’t think too much about it. And this post isn’t really going to be about those workouts.

Because last week, the Orangetheory studio by my house finally opened again!

This is the moment I’ve been waiting on for so long and it was crazy that it finally happened! The studio reopened on Thursday, but I decided to keep my normal workout schedule so I wasn’t there until Friday. The night before, I was so excited. I was a little nervous about having to get up earlier than I’m used to, but it turned out I was so excited to be back that I woke up an hour before my alarm was going to go off. But that was fine because it gave me time to relax a bit before I had to be up.

There are a few new rules at the studio. First, and the one I knew to expect, is that masks are required at all times. You can take quick sips of water if you need to, but you need to put your mask back on right away and you are supposed to stay stationary when you drink water. Also, they don’t have the lockers right now. The doors are off of all the lockers so they are cubbies instead. There are studios I’ve been to that don’t have lockers so this wasn’t too weird. But I decided to just bring less with me into the studio. I attached my keys to my water bottle and had my phone on me. The rest of my purse stayed home.

Also, you have to line up outside before class instead of waiting in the lobby. This was fine and just being lined up outside made me so excited!

People are checked in one at a time and you are told where to start instead of getting an equipment card. I was able to start on the bike, like I used to.

My first workout back was an interested experience. It felt like I hadn’t been there in forever but also like I was just there the other day at the same time. It was so familiar and I didn’t realize how much I needed that until I was in the middle of the workout. Working out in a mask was different, but not as hard as I was worried it would be. I have ordered a little brace thing to try inside my mask in the future so it stays a bit further from my mouth (but still being a mask). There were some times that I felt like I was eating the mask.

And as expected, I had lost some strength and endurance. I struggled in the workout, but it wasn’t worse than I thought it would be. My rowing form isn’t great, but it’s been 13 months since I had rowed. So I took the rowing slowly and focused on my form more than anything else. I also got pretty sore being on the bike. My butt and hips aren’t used to having to sit on the bike, but I know it’s just a matter of time before it doesn’t hurt anymore. And on the floor, I was sometimes shocked that even weights that were lower than I’m used to using still felt heavy. Even when compared to what I’ve been using at home. But I think part of that is due to the rest of the workout before I was on the floor.

And of course, I had to take a post workout selfie with my coach. I was so happy that I was back and that it felt like I was returning home. I had joked to my friends that I would cry when I finally got back to OTF, and that did happen several times that day.

And I was back again on Saturday! I thought that I might be too sore after returning, but I only had minimal soreness. I am glad I was smart enough to not push myself too hard and I was able to do another in-studio workout.

In Saturday’s workout, the rowing was much more endurance based and I really saw how much I was struggling. Even rowing for a minute without stopping was really hard for me. It’s hard for me to remember how hard rowing was when I started at OTF in 2014, but I know I had to work up to where I was a year ago. And I will need to work my way back again. But I know it won’t take as long this time. I just need to keep going and trying.

And now, my plan is to be at the studio 4 days a week for my workouts! I’ll be doing all my workouts at the studio near my house. The Brentwood studio (that I used to go to on Mondays) isn’t open yet. But also, with my new workout schedule, I don’t know if I’ll be going to that studio again. I might go back for random workouts, especially if a Monday is a holiday. But because I work on Mondays now, it will be a lot harder for me to get to that studio. And it will be impossible for me to go to the class that I went to for the past several years since that class is during work for me.

But that’s ok. I’ve made it through a lot of workout changes over the past 13 months. And changing to have all my workouts at the same studio is a very minor change and one that will still make me happy.

I still am so incredibly happy to be back at OTF. As much as I thought I’d be happy to be back, it’s even better! And I really feel like this is a big turning point for me in feeling so much more like myself again.

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Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

Posted on April 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

I am sure I sound like a broken record about talking about how even though I’m vaccinated I’m being very cautious. I’m not going out that much. While I’m doing more than just essential errands and appointments, I’m still not doing that much. I have limited which friends I have seen in person, and when I do see people it tends to be in their home. Even when I see family, we are staying in a home and not going out that much.

And I know doing this is still one of the safer options, but I also know I need to push myself to get out there more. I’m not feeling isolated or pandemic fatigued necessarily. It’s more of my fear of isolating myself unnecessarily when things are safe. It’s hard to feel like it’s ok to go do things that for a year we have been told to do. And it’s hard to find the balance between what are safer risks to take and what is just too much. In some ways, we are lucky here because not everything is open again and they are limiting people so they aren’t too crowded. And everywhere pretty much requires masks unless you are eating or drinking.

I haven’t been to a restaurant yet (although that is actually coming up soon!), and any meals I’ve gotten that I didn’t make myself have either been takeout or delivery. But this past week, I went to a coffee shop and had a coffee in public for the first time in over a year!

I know this doesn’t sound like much, but for me, it was a bit weird and I was worried about things. But I felt like it was a safe way to push myself to be out and about more and feel like I’m easing myself into life again. And fortunately, it wasn’t as weird as I was afraid it would be.

I went to a coffee shop that wasn’t that close to my house because it was for a first date. Going to coffee or a drink (even though I don’t drink coffee or alcohol) used to be my go-to first date since it’s casual and easy enough to leave if it is a bad date. Any dating I’ve tried to do in the past year has been tough to find where to meet up with someone, so being able to have a first date like I’m used to was nice. And the coffee shop we went to had a large patio in the back that wasn’t crowded, so we weren’t sitting close to anyone else.

The guy I met was also fully vaccinated, which made me feel a bit better about things too. Since we were sitting there without our masks on for a while, I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about if he might be sick but asymptomatic. And after going on dates where we had to be masked the entire time, it was nice to have a date where I could see his entire face and not feel like I’m not really seeing who he is. I was worried for a little while that it might get more crowded on the patio and that I would feel like I was too close to others and would feel like I needed to wear my mask more, but that didn’t end up happening.

After I got home from my date (which went well, but I don’t have much more to share than that), I realized how nice it was to be out in public with others again without worrying as much as I have over the past year. I’ve said before that the isolation has felt like I was on my own little planet and everyone else was living their lives. But just being at the coffee shop was a nice reminder that I’m a part of the world too. I needed to be a part of the public again. Even when I have friends come over to my house, it still feels a bit isolated. I might not be alone, but we are isolated at home. So going out made me feel like I was a part of the world again.

There are still limited places that I think I’d be open to going to because I need to still be safe and cautious. But just going to this coffee shop reminded me that there are options for places I could go and not feel like I’m taking that much of a risk. It’s not something I will be doing all the time, but it is something I should try to do when I have a chance. Even if I met a friend at a park instead of at my house or theirs might help me feel a bit more involved in the world.

I haven’t built up the skills to figure this out too much. For my entire life until the pandemic, I never had to think about what I could do in public that feels safe. For the past year, I was more focused on how to stay healthy and isolated. I’ve written about how I needed to be more social and to find ways to not isolate as much, but in my head so many of those things didn’t involve too much in public. Now, this is just something else to think about when I’m trying to think of what I can do. And hopefully, I’ll continue to be more comfortable with the few things I’m going to be ok with doing and I keep pushing myself to find the little bits of normalcy that I can get back.

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Continuing To Get Back To Some Of My Old Routine (or I Really Appreciate Self-Care So Much Now)

Posted on April 22, 2021 | Comments Off on Continuing To Get Back To Some Of My Old Routine (or I Really Appreciate Self-Care So Much Now)

I’ve written a lot over the past year about how I miss things from my old life that were a part of a regular routine. Some of these things were related to going out or my workouts. And some of them were related to self-care. At times, I was embarrassed about how much I missed some of my self-care routines. I know it’s not that important to have my hair done or to get a pedicure, but those are things that make me feel like myself or bring me joy. And not having them has been hard, especially when compounded with everything else that’s been going on in our world this past year.

There are plenty of self-care routines that I’m still putting off for a little while. As much as I miss pedicures, I can wait longer before I go in for one. This isn’t just for my own safety and health (even though I’m vaccinated, that doesn’t mean I don’t have to be careful), but also for the safety and health of the employees at the salon. And I’m still waiting on getting waxed even though I know the waxer I go to is working again. For me, waxing isn’t just a vanity thing but one of the only safe hair removal options for my upper legs with my autoimmune condition. Shaving can actually be very painful and cause issues with my skin, so I avoid it when I can. I know there are other options besides waxing (there is a chance that laser hair removal could partially be covered by insurance and I’m planning on asking about that soon), so I can wait a little longer before going back to waxing. I don’t love having to wait, but it’s easier on me to wait on that than it is for me to wait on getting my hair cut or colored.

Getting my hair done this past year has been interesting. I know I don’t need to get it cut or colored, but it’s really hard on me when it’s not colored and my gray hair seems out of control. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was coloring my hair at home. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. And even though my hair was getting long and a bit scraggly, since I keep it away from my face at home it didn’t bother me too much. There have been times where I really didn’t pay attention to how long my hair got until it seemed almost out of control. But I would just put it back in a clip and not think about it more than that.

I have slowly started to get back to having my hair done more professionally. I’ve been back to a salon once when there weren’t many people around (and we were masked) and I went to my friend’s house to have her do my hair as well. I waited a bit longer than normal between those appointments, but that was partially due to feeling like it was a bit of a risk going even with all the precautions because I wasn’t vaccinated. But now that I’m vaccinated, it’s a little less stressful for me to think about getting my hair done with my friend at her house.

So last week, I got my hair done again. It was at her house again and we were masked, so it felt like we were keeping things as safe as we could. This time, it was a cut and color so I feel even more like myself. I didn’t do anything drastic even though I’m tempted to do so. I just wanted to have my hair look like me again. And that’s exactly what I got to do when I had my hair done. And not only did I have a boost in my mental health from having my hair done and feeling like myself, but I also got to have hangout time with a friend which is something else I don’t get to do that often!

I know that I’ve always appreciated having my hair done or doing any other self-care things I have done in the past. It’s a privilege having the time and money to do these things. And I live somewhere that makes it easy for me to find places to go for different appointments. But I appreciate any self-care thing I can do even more right now. It feels so special to have the chance to do them. I’m so grateful I have ways to go and still feel safe. And I’m grateful that I am working again so I have the money to spend on things like this.

I can’t wait until I can add my other self-care things back to my life again and I hope it will happen soon. But we don’t know when things will be better, so it’s just something I will have to wait and see. But I continue to feel like things are improving each day and that we are only getting closer to what feels like normal.

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Default ThumbnailWorking On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day) Default ThumbnailSelf-Care Is So Important (or At-Home Beauty) Default ThumbnailDoing Some Skincare Basics (or Slowly Changing My Self-Care Routine) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Get Back To Me (I Needed My Hair Done!) Default ThumbnailFeeling A Bit More Like Me (or A Little Bit Of Pampering) Default ThumbnailBringing More Good Things To Me And Others (or Happiness and Self-Care)

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Almost Missing My Tumor Anniversary (or This Seems Like A Lifetime Ago)

Posted on April 21, 2021 | Comments Off on Almost Missing My Tumor Anniversary (or This Seems Like A Lifetime Ago)

On Monday, I was talking to my mom about something random (I honestly don’t remember what our conversation was about) and something made me think of my liver tumors and being a medical miracle. And then it hit me. On the 20th, it was the anniversary of me not having surgery! My medical miracle anniversary date is a weird one to figure out since it occurred over multiple days. But in my head, I usually think of the date I was supposed to have surgery as the official date marker. And for some reason, I just didn’t think about it happening this week.

This isn’t the first time I forgot an anniversary regarding my tumors. But I think remembering my surgery date is easier than the date I was diagnosed since it’s a date that sticks out much more in my memory. The date I found out about the tumors was not something I expected to have happened. The surgery date was something I prepared for and had in my calendar. But either way, sometimes it’s nice to know that I don’t have to think about my tumors as much as I used to.

So as of yesterday, it marked 4 years since I didn’t have to have surgery. Thinking about the surgery now is kind of a funny thing. There were a lot of things that made me worry about the surgery, but one of the ones that sticks out in my memory is how worried I was about having to miss Orangetheory for a month or two. I knew it would be ok and I’d figure out how to get back into my workouts, but the idea of not being at my regular workouts for a few weeks really worried me. Of course, now I’ve spent 13 months away from Orangetheory. I have continued my workouts which is something I couldn’t have done if I had surgery, but it is interesting to realize that concern isn’t as bad as I imagined it would be. If I had surgery, I know I would have gotten back to my workouts now. I have enough faith and belief in myself to not let something take away my workout motivation.

4 years ago, before I knew that my tumors shrank, I had no clue that I was going to be a medical miracle. My doctor had no idea it would happen since this is not what normally happens with these tumors. But it did and it’s been nice to see how my tumors have shrunk over time.

At my last check-in, they were so small that my doctor thought I might only need 1 more MRI and check in. That MRI was supposed to be this past October, but because of the pandemic, I decided to wait on it. It’s not urgent for me to get the MRI and originally I wasn’t supposed to have one this past October but wait until this October instead. So after confirming it was ok to wait, I did just that. And my plan is to probably have another MRI around October this year (I need to check in with my liver surgeon to confirm it can be scheduled since the original order was to go last year).

I do hope that when I go in for the next MRI, the one remaining tumor that can be seen will be so small that it’s gone from the scan as well. My other tumors have done that and the only one remaining is the one that was the largest to start with. Since my other tumors have disappeared, I have every hope that this one will as well. It was so small at my last scan that it was almost as close to gone as you can be.

Thinking back to my last MRI, it seems like this occurred so long ago. Yes, it’s been about a year and a half since my last MRI and over 4 years since I learned I had these tumors. So it has been quite a while ago. And knowing I don’t have to be as worried about the tumors as I was before is good for my mental health, especially in a year when we’ve all had so many things stressing us out.

Hopefully, whenever I am able to get my next MRI, I will be celebrating that it will be the last (unless anything crazy happens in my life). These tumors will always be a part of my medical history and something I have to be aware of for future medical decisions, but I’m ready for them to be fully a part of my past. And 4 years after being a medical miracle, I’m almost to that point.

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Default Thumbnail3 Years Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Just Enjoying Being Healthy) Default ThumbnailMedical Miracle Anniversary (or A Year Of My Liver Being A Badass) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default Thumbnail3 Years Knowing About The Tumors (or I Forgot An Anniversary) Default ThumbnailA Tumor Miracle (or I Wasn’t Expecting This) Default ThumbnailA Boring Tumor Check In (or Still A Miracle)

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Back To An Old Job (or It Feels New and Familiar At The Same Time)

Posted on April 20, 2021 | Comments Off on Back To An Old Job (or It Feels New and Familiar At The Same Time)

For so many of us, this past year has been a crazy one for work. Some of my friends went from going into an office every day to working at home. Many of my friends lost their jobs and either have been working hard to find a new one or have made major adjustments in their life (like moving to where they could find work). My job situation has been a lot of ups and downs over the last year.

When the pandemic hit, neither of my jobs were affected at first. Then, my box office job cut back my hours. Then the box office job cut back the hours even more. And in August, my box office job had to let me go. I was still working my data entry job, but it wasn’t enough work to cover my expenses, so I had to balance how many hours I worked at that job with my unemployment (so I wouldn’t lose my unemployment). And I was very lucky that job was willing to work with me and understood the situation that I was in.

Then at the end of last year, I got my new job doing customer service with the social media company. I was so grateful to get that job and it’s been great working with them. Once I started working with them, I increased my hours with my data entry job and switched my job responsibilities to fit my skill set better. And more recently, my hours at my new job are being reduced a bit (partially due to something that was my choice and partially due to new employees being added to the schedule). But even with the reduced hours, I was still able to make everything work for me.

And then last week, I started back at my old box office job! I have known this was coming for a while, but I wasn’t sure of the exact start date. A lot of it depended on how safe it was to do shows in different locations. And when they asked if I wanted to come back, they asked me about my availability. I let them know what hours I could do around my other jobs since I don’t feel I could overlap my 2 customer service jobs. So they worked with that and asked me to start back with 2 weekday afternoons as well as the Saturday shift.

Going back to my box office job was a little odd. Things are familiar since I worked that job for so many years. But they are also different because some of the backend systems have changed and there are different rules to be aware of with new safety and health guidelines. I don’t feel like a total newbie at the job, but I had to ask questions about a lot of things that I knew before. Sometimes I had a complete blank on something simple, like accidentally forgetting the work phone number. But I know it’s just a matter of time before things come back to me and it’s easy again.

I know the long plan is for me to be working every afternoon plus on Saturdays, but that might take some time to get to that point. A lot of the locations aren’t open yet or can’t be open to full capacity. There are a few that could do that because they were doing the shows outdoors or for other reasons. But it hopefully will just be a matter of time before everything is up and running again. For now, I’m just glad to be back at work so I can ease into things as they get busier.

Even with working 3 jobs right now, my work schedule isn’t too overwhelming. I’m very lucky with the hours I work and how nicely my schedule fits together. And I’m grateful for any and all jobs I have. I would love to get myself into a better financial place so I don’t have to have the stress and worries I had before. There are some more expensive things that I’d like to be able to save for, like a new computer in the next year or so.

Every time something from before the pandemic is back in my life, I feel a bit more hopeful that things are finally normalizing and that this time will soon be in the past. And getting back to my old job, even if it’s not the same schedule as I worked before, is a big sign to me that we are getting back to normal again and I love that feeling.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Job Through A Friend (or Excited To Do Job Training) Default Thumbnail3 Months At My New Job (or Having Another Job Review) Default ThumbnailBusy Busy Busy (or Triple Job Day) Default ThumbnailBeing The New Employee (or Starting Yet Another Day Job) Default ThumbnailFull Day At The New Job (or Seeing My Old Workplace Abandoned) Default ThumbnailStaying Super Busy (or Another Job)

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Another Week Of Routine Workouts (or I’ve Got My Fingers Crossed That’s About To Change)

Posted on April 19, 2021 | Comments Off on Another Week Of Routine Workouts (or I’ve Got My Fingers Crossed That’s About To Change)

This past week of workouts was pretty much like what the last several weeks of workouts were like. I still did the same basic weightlifting routine that I’ve been doing. I’ve been making little tweaks and changes here and there, but I’m following along pretty closely to what the plan says. I’ve said this before, but it’s basic but easy for me to accomplish. And I can make modifications when I need to or when I feel like doing a different exercise.

And like I’ve said several times before, while this isn’t necessarily the best workout plan for me it is one that I am doing. And doing something is much better than doing nothing. And I have been continuing to do 4 workouts a week, which is something that I know I should be proud of. Keeping up a regular workout routine is hard enough at times. Keeping it up when I’m doing workouts at home when nobody is holding me accountable is even harder. But I don’t want to make it seem like I’m doing anything really great. I know that I’m not pushing myself that much. I know that my workouts are a fraction of what I probably should be doing. And I know that when I get back to Orangetheory, it’s going to be a hard adjustment to get back to such tough workouts.

And I’m really hoping I’m going to be back at Orangetheory very soon!

The studio is going to be reopening at the end of this week! This is the news I’ve been waiting on and have been hoping for. When I was writing last week about how I hadn’t started the outdoor workouts, I was hoping I wouldn’t be waiting for that much longer before my studio was open again. I knew that more studios would be opening soon, but there are a lot of studios in LA and there was no way for us to know which locations were going to be the next in line to open. But last week, they announced that the Culver City studio would be opening up this week and I was so excited!

The fears I had about maybe not wanting to go back because of how hard the workouts would be didn’t happen at all. And I was waiting for the schedule to be posted to see when I could figure out the best workout times for me. As I’m writing this post, I know what times I want to work out, but there is some glitch not allowing me to sign up for classes. I’m hoping this will be fixed soon so I can get into class. And I know there is a chance that the times I would prefer to go won’t be available, but I also have some options that I can do even if they aren’t the most ideal time for me.

In a perfect world, as soon as the studio is open I would do all 4 workouts each week there. But I don’t know if that will be possible just yet. Partially due to how I’m going to feel (I might want 1 day a week at home to ease into things), but also partially due to how many others are signing up for class. Even with the flexibility that I have, there is still a possibility that there won’t be options that work for me and I’ll only get into a few classes in the studio. But I know that I can make that work if I have to.

Hopefully, everything works out and I’m able to get into the classes that I want to. And my post next week will be some home workouts (before the studio is open) and then some studio workouts! I have missed my workouts and coaches so much and I can’t believe that I might be back soon! I’ve been waiting on this for over a year now, and it’s so exciting that it’s almost here.

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Default ThumbnailBeing Forced To Change Up My Workout Routine (or I Thought I’d Have A Little Time To Settle) Default ThumbnailThis Does Feel Like A Normal Routine (or Another Full Workout Week) Default ThumbnailAnother Mixed Motivation Week (or I Might Be Almost Done With At-Home Workouts) Default ThumbnailDoing More OTF Live (or Easing Back Into More Hard Workouts) Default ThumbnailFinishing Up My 2020 Workouts (or Kicking Off A New Year With More Home Workouts) Default ThumbnailNot My Usual Thanksgiving Week Workouts (or Trying To Keep The Tradition Going)

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