Tag Archives: health issues

Some New Medication Side Effects (or At Least I Know How To Handle This)

When I saw my dermatologist recently, I added another medication to my regular routine to help get my autoimmune condition into remission or a lower stage. Just like any medication, if you are taking something for the first time, there can be side effects. And sometimes these aren’t a big deal and sometimes they are a reason to stop taking the medication. I’ve been pretty lucky, I don’t usually get bad side effects from medications. I have had a few reactions that made me stop taking something, but those are rare cases.

And usually for me, if I have any side effects, I notice them quickly. Sometimes they start immediately and sometimes they take a few days. But they usually happen quickly so I know what will happen. And I assumed if I had any side effects to this new medication, it would be the same.

But I guess this one had delayed side effects or my body had to get used to this medication to start reacting because I only started to feel side effects this past week. Fortunately, they aren’t that bad and I was told to prepare for them. I also have a friend taking the same medication who warned me. I thought I would be one of the lucky ones that didn’t react, but it’s not horrible that I did have a reaction.

The side effect that I started to feel this week is dehydration. And considering this medication is sometimes prescribed to people who are retaining water, it makes sense. It can also cause dry skin and hair, but I haven’t had that happen yet. All I’m noticing is that I’m thirsty a lot throughout the day.

I tend to be someone who overhydrates, so to feel thirsty isn’t something I usually experience. But because I typically overhydrates, at least this is easy for me to deal with. I do have to be careful and not drink too much water because that can make me sick. But increasing my water intake is very easy for me to do and not a huge change to my routine. I have to make sure that I am tracking my water because being thirsty can make me forget how much I’ve already had. And I know that some of the thirst that I’m feeling is just the medication and not really thirst.

I am grateful that staying hydrated is something I’m used to doing. I don’t drink a lot of things other than water, so I don’t have to worry about drinking things that actually dehydrate me. I also am not someone who struggles to drink water, so I don’t feel like I’m forcing myself to drink. It’s been a part of my regular routine for as long as I can remember, so increasing things a bit isn’t a huge change for me.

I’m hoping this is the only side effect I get from this medication. There are a few others that are common that I do worry about getting. And even though I’m experiencing dehydration now, that doesn’t mean that more side effects can’t come later. I’m a bit more paranoid now about side effects happening later since it took some time for the dehydration to hit me. But I also know that I will either be able to get through whatever side effects happen or I will let my doctor know and we can stop the medication.

I know this isn’t that big of a deal, but it is an annoyance to add to my life. But at least a lot of other things are going better in my life so one annoyance isn’t too bad.

Mental Health Month (or There Is No Shame In Therapy)

May is Mental Health Month. Mental Health Month is all about sharing how help with mental health can be for everyone and that there is nothing wrong with getting help. And I strongly agree that mental health help and therapy are for everyone. I feel even stronger about this now because I have seen how my own mental health has fluctuated during the pandemic. Even someone who was completely stable before could be having worries now that they could get help with. And there are so many ways to get help these days.

I don’t know how many therapists are doing in-person appointments unless someone is having severe issues. But those will be coming back if they aren’t back just yet. But there are other ways to get help. I personally have used phone and video chat visits with my therapist, even before the pandemic. And those visits are so easy to do and require less time than going to an in-person appointment.

I’ve been in therapy for quite a while. While I haven’t continuously been in therapy since I was a teen, that is when I did start going. And I’m pretty open and honest about being in therapy for various issues. I have no shame in the fact that I’m working on getting help and I’m always happy to share what I’m going through.

So when I saw my friend Amir post this tweet, I knew I would have to tweet about it and wanted to go further in sharing my therapy journey.

When I started going to therapy when I was a teenager, I was a little embarrassed that I was going, but I also didn’t necessarily hide it. I also wasn’t as outspoken as I am now. I went mainly for issues like mild depression and anxiety, but I also know now that there is a chance that I was misdiagnosed. This isn’t the fault of the therapist I saw, I know I was misdiagnosed by more than one therapist. But I think it was how I presented at the time and what I was willing to share. I also didn’t go to that first therapist that much, so they really didn’t get to know me.

When I was in college, I had a different therapist that I started to see the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. That was the second therapist that looking back misdiagnosed me. But I know why I was misdiagnosed and I think I gave up on that therapy sooner than I should have because I wanted more immediate results.

I did group therapy for my eating disorder in my early 20’s for a few years. That group was great and I learned a lot about myself and what coping skills I could use. And I still stay in contact with many of the people from that group through social media. I might have stuck with that group longer, but life got in the way and I couldn’t attend. I’ve thought about maybe going back, but I also know the people I knew from the group aren’t there anymore and I don’t know if I want to start with a different group. At least not right now (or when it would be safe to go to a group therapy thing again).

There were several years I wasn’t in any form of therapy until I started again to more specifically discuss my eating disorder. And while I specifically started therapy again to get on Vyvanse (since you had to be seen by a doctor to get it), I also discussed other issues with that therapist. That’s where I really learned more about the mental health issues I have and why I might have been misdiagnosed in the past. I know now that my mild depression and panic issues are related to other things like having OCD. I also understand why some of the medications I was taking in the past might not have worked for me and why sometimes it made me feel worse. And while I didn’t go on any medications besides Vyvanse (I actually stopped taking some), I felt like I was getting much better.

That therapist that I saw to get on Vyvanse moved away, so I have a new therapist working with me on things. But we also both understand in a way that I have reached a stopping point with getting mental help with my eating disorder. Now, it’s more about managing my reactions to setbacks or other tough moments. And I am working on a few other things still, such as managing my OCD and overcoming emotional abuse in my past. But even as I work through these things and feel at times that I’m stuck, I know that I’ve made a lot of progress.

But one of the biggest things that I think has helped me over the years is being open and honest about getting help. Having others in my life know what I’m struggling with allows them to be there for me when I need it. I don’t feel like I have to hide a part of myself or watch everything I say or do. And being open about therapy has also helped to connect me with others going through the same thing. Having people who understand some of the quirks with a specific mental health issue is so helpful. Being able to share resources or have a sounding board is something I know I needed. And while my friends are great about supporting me, sometimes you just want to talk to someone who is going through the same situation. But I wouldn’t have that support from anyone if I wasn’t getting help myself or being open about it.

If you are struggling with any mental health issues, please find someone to talk to. Even if you don’t think things are that bad, you have a chance to make them better. There is no shame in getting help. If you had a broken leg, would you feel shame if you had to go to a doctor and couldn’t fix it yourself? No. Getting help for physical health issues is accepted by everyone. And hopefully, soon enough help for mental health issues will be viewed the same way by anyone and everyone.

A Dermatologist Follow-Up (or I’m Not Always The Best Judge Of Progress)

3 months ago, I saw my dermatologist to discuss a really bad flare-up with my autoimmune condition. Of course, at the time I finally got to my appointment, my flare-up wasn’t as bad as it had been. But even when it’s not bad, it’s still seen on my skin. So even though I had been previously diagnosed and done some one-off treatments in the past, the appointment earlier this year was the first time my current dermatologist had confirmed the diagnosis and started to help create a plan to see what will work for me.

There are a lot of options to try to treat this condition, but none of them are guaranteed to work. Some people react well to one medication or another. Some people need surgery. Sometimes one medication will work well for a while and then it won’t work anymore. And some of these medications can make you immunocompromised. That’s something to worry about in normal times, but now it’s even scarier. Even with me being fully vaccinated, I don’t want to be on anything that would make me at a higher risk for being a breakthrough case.

So at my last appointment, I was put on 2 different medications. One was a broad-spectrum antibiotic that I’ve been put on before. When I went to urgent care about a year ago for a bad flare, that’s what they put me on to make things better. But I usually have only been on that antibiotic for maybe a week or two. And this time, I was going to take a higher dose and take it twice a day. The other medication I was put on was to help with some side effects that the antibiotic can cause, so even though it wasn’t something that would necessarily help my autoimmune condition, it was something new to add to my medication routine.

And I’ve been following my dermatologist’s instructions to the letter these past 3 months. I wanted to give this the best chance I could because it would be the easiest solution for me. And it would be amazing if it ended up being the first thing we tried that got me into remission or as close to remission.

Over the past 3 months, I’ve stayed hopeful but I really didn’t think things were getting better. It’s not easy to tell, but I didn’t notice a huge difference in the flares I was getting. And the pain caused by the flares seem to stay at the same level no matter how bad things are, so I can’t really judge by the pain.

So when I went into my follow-up last week, I told my dermatologist that I didn’t think things were that much better for me. He asked me to guess how much better, and I said I thought it was maybe 5% better. But he took a look at the area that has the worst flare-ups and he said that it looked significantly better than that. He said he would guess maybe 25-30% improvement! The worst area isn’t the easiest for me to look at (it’s on my upper thighs) and I didn’t think of taking photos to see progress so I really had no clue it was improving that much! But because of how this antibiotic works, a lot of the improvement would have been right away so if that was all I needed to take I should have seen much better results.

But since this medication is helping, my dermatologist wanted me to stay on it (plus the medication I take for the side effects). And he said he wanted to add another medication to the plan. The new medication is usually used for very different issues like high blood pressure (I actually have very low blood pressure) or kidney issues. But it can also affect some hormones in your body that can make the flares not as bad (different hormones than regular female hormones that fluctuate every month). Just like any medication, there are side effects, but from what I have been able to look up they aren’t too bad. The biggest one is that you can get dehydrated easier than normal because it can pull water from your body. I used to overhydrate myself, so I think this might not be too much of an issue for me.

The only downside to this new medication is that it will take a while to know if it helps me. It usually will take 3-6 months before you know if it’s working. That’s a long time, but at least I’m already able to manage the flares a bit with the antibiotic that I’m on. So I’m not as desperate to see results. So the plan is for me to come back in another 3 months for another follow-up to see if there are any results and to make sure that any side effects I’m having aren’t causing me too many issues.

While I would have loved a better result, I think this is still a pretty good step in the right direction. And hopefully, it’s just a matter of time before things get even better. There is still a surgery that my dermatologist feels is a very good option for me, but if I can get things under control a bit more I might have a better result. And I’m not in any rush to get surgery. The only reason I would want to do it soon would be if I was told that was the only thing that would help me. But for now, I’m just continuing to take the medications I was prescribed and hope that my next follow-up will have even better results.

Almost Missing My Tumor Anniversary (or This Seems Like A Lifetime Ago)

On Monday, I was talking to my mom about something random (I honestly don’t remember what our conversation was about) and something made me think of my liver tumors and being a medical miracle. And then it hit me. On the 20th, it was the anniversary of me not having surgery! My medical miracle anniversary date is a weird one to figure out since it occurred over multiple days. But in my head, I usually think of the date I was supposed to have surgery as the official date marker. And for some reason, I just didn’t think about it happening this week.

This isn’t the first time I forgot an anniversary regarding my tumors. But I think remembering my surgery date is easier than the date I was diagnosed since it’s a date that sticks out much more in my memory. The date I found out about the tumors was not something I expected to have happened. The surgery date was something I prepared for and had in my calendar. But either way, sometimes it’s nice to know that I don’t have to think about my tumors as much as I used to.

So as of yesterday, it marked 4 years since I didn’t have to have surgery. Thinking about the surgery now is kind of a funny thing. There were a lot of things that made me worry about the surgery, but one of the ones that sticks out in my memory is how worried I was about having to miss Orangetheory for a month or two. I knew it would be ok and I’d figure out how to get back into my workouts, but the idea of not being at my regular workouts for a few weeks really worried me. Of course, now I’ve spent 13 months away from Orangetheory. I have continued my workouts which is something I couldn’t have done if I had surgery, but it is interesting to realize that concern isn’t as bad as I imagined it would be. If I had surgery, I know I would have gotten back to my workouts now. I have enough faith and belief in myself to not let something take away my workout motivation.

4 years ago, before I knew that my tumors shrank, I had no clue that I was going to be a medical miracle. My doctor had no idea it would happen since this is not what normally happens with these tumors. But it did and it’s been nice to see how my tumors have shrunk over time.

At my last check-in, they were so small that my doctor thought I might only need 1 more MRI and check in. That MRI was supposed to be this past October, but because of the pandemic, I decided to wait on it. It’s not urgent for me to get the MRI and originally I wasn’t supposed to have one this past October but wait until this October instead. So after confirming it was ok to wait, I did just that. And my plan is to probably have another MRI around October this year (I need to check in with my liver surgeon to confirm it can be scheduled since the original order was to go last year).

I do hope that when I go in for the next MRI, the one remaining tumor that can be seen will be so small that it’s gone from the scan as well. My other tumors have done that and the only one remaining is the one that was the largest to start with. Since my other tumors have disappeared, I have every hope that this one will as well. It was so small at my last scan that it was almost as close to gone as you can be.

Thinking back to my last MRI, it seems like this occurred so long ago. Yes, it’s been about a year and a half since my last MRI and over 4 years since I learned I had these tumors. So it has been quite a while ago. And knowing I don’t have to be as worried about the tumors as I was before is good for my mental health, especially in a year when we’ve all had so many things stressing us out.

Hopefully, whenever I am able to get my next MRI, I will be celebrating that it will be the last (unless anything crazy happens in my life). These tumors will always be a part of my medical history and something I have to be aware of for future medical decisions, but I’m ready for them to be fully a part of my past. And 4 years after being a medical miracle, I’m almost to that point.

A Random Panic Attack (or It’s Been A While Since This Happened)

I’ve had a panic/anxiety disorder for a long time. I honestly don’t know how long I’ve had it since I think I wasn’t diagnosed properly at first. I remember being diagnosed with depression when I was about 18, but I actually think looking back that it was really panic/anxiety and not depression. And there was a period of time where my panic/anxiety disorder was pretty bad. It never got so bad that I couldn’t function properly, but it did affect my life a lot. I was on one medication daily and another medication as needed.

Then I went down to only taking the medication as needed and stopped the daily one. I didn’t need it that often, but often enough that I would get refills for the prescription a few times a year. Then it went down to only having panic attacks for a few situations like going to the dentist or flying on a plane. Very rarely, I’d have a random panic attack or a wave of anxiety, but I could usually pinpoint what caused it. And sometimes for me, knowing the cause helps to make it not as bad.

And for the past few years, it seems like I rarely have to think about my panic/anxiety disorder. I don’t seem to have panic attacks at the dentist anymore. I don’t even have to take medication. I do get some anxiety going to my appointments, but it’s manageable and I’m usually able to get over the anxiety around the middle of my appointment (once I know that there is nothing severely wrong with my teeth). I rarely fly, so I can’t really judge how my anxiety is with that, but I guess avoiding a trigger is a way of dealing with it. And the random attacks almost never happen to me.

I did have more anxiety than normal over this past year, but I think most people had that feeling. And it wasn’t as bad as what I’ve experienced in the past at my worst moments. So the general feeling of anxiety is just something I got used to and learned to tolerate.

But then earlier this week, I had my first big random panic attack in a while. And I honestly don’t know what caused it.

That day I did my work as normal. Once I was done with work, I went to AAA to renew my car registration. That’s usually a quick outing, but it took a very long time. They were only letting a few people inside at a time, and for some of us they didn’t let us in at all. For me, they took my check and car registration paperwork and I waited outside while they did the work. Then they came back and brought me my new registration paperwork and sticker. I was annoyed how long it took, but it wasn’t bad. And after that was done, I decided to go to Trader Joe’s for some groceries.

Going to Trader Joe’s almost feels like a treat these days. I still do a majority of my grocery shopping online and have it delivered to my house. And for a while, I was maybe going to Trader Joe’s once a month since there are some things there that I can’t get at other stores. But I’m slowly going more often. I’m still not going that much, but now I’m getting groceries there 2-3 times a month. I’m grateful that even though it is a smaller store, it’s not that crowded inside. At the beginning of the pandemic, you had to line up outside because so many people were trying to grocery shop. But now, things have calmed down enough so you don’t have to wait in line.

My grocery list was short and I got everything I needed quickly and got in line to check out. And then the panic attack hit me like a wall. It was 0 to 60 in an instant. And I still don’t know what triggered it. I just know that one moment, I was feeling fine and the next I was experiencing everything I get with panic attacks. I was having trouble catching my breath (and wearing a mask doesn’t help that feeling). I could feel my heart racing. I was shaking and sweating. My entire body felt jumpy and like I needed to not just stand still.

I thought about just leaving my groceries and going home to deal with the attack, but I ended up waiting it out since I was almost at the front of the line. I’m sure people could see that something was wrong with me, but I’m glad nobody asked me if I was ok. I couldn’t really get the words out if I wanted to. I paid for my groceries and got to my car where I tried to calm down a bit more. I was able to calm myself enough to feel ok to drive and then headed home (fortunately, the store is very close to my house). But the attack wasn’t over and when I got home I put away what I had to and went to lay down on my bed.

I tried to focus on breathing and staying calm. I tried to think about what caused this attack to rationalize it. It took just under an hour before I felt normal again. But I think about half that time was just recovering from the attack and how exhausted it made me feel. Panic attacks can really take it out of you both physically and mentally. But I was able to get back to feeling ok later that afternoon and continue on with my day.

I know that any mental health issue isn’t necessarily something you can get over, it’s something you learn to manage and deal with. But when it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with an attack, it can be a little harder to get over since I’m out of practice. I might have a random panic attack every so often for the rest of my life, and that’s ok. I just have to remember that I can get through it and that I’m ok and safe. And in a weird way, being out of practice with dealing with them makes me a bit happy since that’s a sign that this is a rare occurrence and not a regular part of my life.

Sorry For A Short Post (or Hopefully I Feel Better Soon)

This is going to be a short post. I don’t like when I don’t have a good post up here each day (I still can’t believe that I’ve done over 2,000 posts!), but just like with my workouts I think something is better than nothing.

I was expecting this week to be a bad nausea week, but I don’t know if I got some sort of stomach bug as well because this is much worse than it normally is. I was only a little off yesterday morning (so I got my workout in), but after I showered I couldn’t stop the nausea from hitting me really hard. I have been taking all my meds and I’m doing everything I can to try to feel better, but I’m not having an easy time keeping anything down right now.

This is not normal for me. Even with my bad nausea, it’s never like this. That’s why I’m wondering if I ate something that is affecting me too. But it’s too late for me to change what happens now. All I can do is focus on getting better and hopefully being over this feeling soon.

So I’m writing this right after I’m done with work on Monday (I worked, but it wasn’t easy and I’m glad I work at home). And all I’m planning on doing now is resting and letting this feeling leave my body.

Hopefully as you are reading this, I’m feeling better. I know I will be dealing with nausea for at least another week, but I want it to be the more toleratable level that I’m used to.

A Very Fast Vaccine Appointment (or I Still Am A Bit In Shock)

When I had my first vaccine appointment 3 weeks ago, I didn’t believe it was going to happen until it did. And there were a lot of reasons why I felt that way. Getting my appointment was much easier than what many of my friends experienced. I was worried I’d get turned away for some reason or told they made a mistake letting me have an appointment. But I think the biggest reason why it didn’t feel real was this was something we had all been waiting on for a year and I couldn’t believe that it was finally happening. It wasn’t going to change much for me, but it was still a big deal.

I had my second vaccine appointment this past weekend, and it was a very different experience for me. First, I wasn’t worried about not being able to get my vaccine this time. Once you get the first vaccine, you are promised your second appointment. I know there have been issues with some vaccine locations having to cancel appointments because they didn’t get the vaccine delivered, but they always rescheduled them and it seemed like a very simple system. I also knew that I didn’t have to have any of the paperwork from my job like I brought with me the first time. And I knew much more about what to expect with the appointment so it wasn’t a big unknown for me. And I’ll admit it was nice to feel less stressed about going into my appointment.

I was still worried about passing out and all the other concerns I have with needles, but having normal worries was nice compared to all the extra worries I had before.

When I went in for my first vaccine, it was a pretty easy process. When I arrived they did a temperature check, I got some paperwork to fill out, they made my second appointment before I got the first vaccine, I went to the waiting area for them to call my name and had some time to play games on my phone to calm me down, and then after the vaccine I waited in a different waiting area for 15 minutes. I think from the time I arrived until I left was about an hour.

This time, things started the same. I got there and had a temperature check. They handed me the paperwork and asked me if it was my first or second vaccine. I told them it was my second and that I got the Pfizer vaccine. They walked me over to a desk where a nurse checked me in while I finished working on the paperwork. Last time, I was checking in for a few minutes but it took a little longer to do the paperwork, so I finished filling it out in the waiting area. This time, I asked them where the waiting area was so I could finish filling it out and they told me they were ready for me to go back for the vaccine!

They had changed things up a bit compared to a few weeks ago so they split up patients based on the vaccine they were getting. And that day, only a handful of us were getting the Pfizer vaccine, so they were pretty much ready for us the moment we walked in. I wasn’t expecting that and it was a bit of a whirlwind. But within 5 minutes of me arriving I was already in the post-vaccine waiting area!

I didn’t completely pass out for the shot this time, but I was really worried I would. Things happened so quickly and I didn’t have time to calm myself down. I’m glad that I was ok, but I’ve also learned how important it is for me to have the time to relax before a shot or IV.

Waiting in the post-vaccine waiting area was easy. You just have to be there for 15 minutes and then you can leave as long as you haven’t had any reactions. I didn’t have any immediate reactions (nor was I expecting to have any) so I was able to leave after the 15 minutes. And within 30 minutes of me parking my car, I was back in my car and ready to drive home! I was shocked how fast everything happened that I forgot to take a post-vaccine selfie in my car! And by the time I got home, I wasn’t feeling up for a photo so I only took a photo of my vaccine card.

And I did experience some side effects from the second shot, but nothing too horrible. I was very fatigued for about 2 days and needed to take some naps (although I’ve also been having other sleeping issues so I can’t guarantee this was just because of the shot). And I did get a bump that itched on my arm that lasted a little while. While it was not fun to have the bump on my arm, I didn’t consider it that big of a deal. Even if I had a fever or flu-like symptoms, it would have been worth it.

I’ll be considered fully vaccinated in about a week. But just like I wrote after my first vaccine, I’m not going to change my behavior too much. I might be more open to meeting up with a friend one on one without worrying as much as I’ve worried for the past year. And I’m looking into doing the OTF Outdoor workouts or the studio workouts when they reopen. But I’m still not going to go out that much and when I do run errands I’ll be wearing a mask. Things are finally starting to turn around a bit and we don’t want that progress to end or go back to how they were when things were much worse.

I do know I’m very lucky that I was able to get my vaccines done. But for others in California, it looks like they will have the same chance soon too! Vaccines are going to be opening up a lot in April. Starting on April 1st, everyone 50 and older will be eligible. And starting on April 15th, everyone 16 and older will be eligible! I know that it will still take time for everyone to get their vaccines, but this is still a great step forward and will just continue to make things safer for all of us!

A Year Into The Pandemic (or This Is Still Such A Weird Time)

We marked 1 year of this pandemic recently. The past week or so has been a lot of 1-year markers for many of us. 1 year since people went to their office. 1 year since they went to a gym. 1 year since they’ve socialized with friends and family. 1 year since things seemed “normal”.

I’ve had a lot of those thoughts recently. I remember the last normal feeling day. I just wrote about the last time I went to Orangetheory in the studio. The last musical that I went to was just over a year ago. The last big social event I went to was over a year ago and I remember us all talking about COVID and being grateful that it wasn’t affecting us too much. If only we knew what was coming for us.

And I remember when everything shut down. I was terrified about what was happening and I didn’t know what to do. There was so much fear in those first few weeks of the pandemic. And while I wasn’t trying to hoard supplies or anything like that, I know that I did a little bit of panic buying. But I also was hoping to find a way to only need to get groceries every 2 weeks. That didn’t last too long for other reasons and now I’m doing grocery delivery about once a week and then going to Trader Joe’s maybe once or twice a month for other things I can’t get delivered.

Even though things are a bit calmer with grocery shopping, I do still have some anxiety from over a year ago. When I’m running low on something that was harder to get a year ago, I start to worry. I am buying refills for things sooner than I used to because I want to allow time in case I can’t get what I need. Going to the grocery store still makes me anxious. I’m grateful that at least there aren’t big lines at the stores anymore, so I can do my errands a bit quicker. But it’s still an errand that I am not always happy to do because of the anxiety.

So many of my friends have been sharing recently about how a year ago their work life was so different. This is one thing that doesn’t feel too different for me. I did lose one job and get another one, but I’ve been working from home for a long time now so it doesn’t seem like a huge change. I have had more changes recently with work because of some new responsibilities and other things connected to my work, but these are also things that I was hoping would happen so it feels much more like I’m finally getting closer to where I want to be with work.

So much has changed in my life when I look back at a year ago, but I think the biggest change has been the feeling of isolation. I still struggle so much with feeling like I’m on my own little planet and that there’s nobody out there doing what I’m doing. I know that isn’t true, but the isolation makes me feel that way. And I have been working on being a little less isolated. I still am not really going out or seeing that many people, but I have allowed myself to see friends who I know are taking the same precautions that I am. I’m less than 3 weeks away before I can feel safer seeing friends one on one, even if they aren’t vaccinated. And I can’t wait for that time. A year ago, I never really knew how lonely I could feel. I was fine having alone time, but loneliness is so different and something that I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for.

I know we are getting closer and closer to the end of this pandemic. More people are being vaccinated every day. Case numbers are going down and hospitalizations have been going down even faster. I know there is a goal to have an almost normal 4th of July this year, and that would be amazing.

A year ago, I know that we were told that we were going to be isolating for 2 weeks to make things safe. I had a feeling it wouldn’t just be 2 weeks. But if someone told me a year ago that we’d still be doing this a year later, I wouldn’t have believed it. I also don’t know if I could have handled it knowing I had a year of loneliness ahead of me. But I have made it through this past year, and I’m very lucky to be able to say that. And I will make it through whatever time left we have to do this.

Only Knowing Some Of The News (or Several Rough Nights Of Sleep)

I like to think that I’m pretty informed about what’s going on in the world. I know what’s happening with politics and what’s going on with the pandemic. And I pay attention to other news stories as well. But I don’t really watch the news anymore. That used to be a part of my routine in the past, but I haven’t been sitting down to watch the news in the morning in a while. Instead, I tend to get my news from social media. I have a list of news accounts I follow and I can easily see what they post and stay on top of things. And while I might watch some tv news from time to time, it’s not a regular habit.

I probably should be a bit better about knowing the news, especially some local news that I might not see on social media. But I just have been a bit burned out on news over the past year, so I haven’t wanted to add more to my life.

But by missing out on watching the news, I also miss out on a few things that do affect my life. Even though I’m staying home and inside almost all the time, the weather is important for me to know. The actual temperature isn’t that important because my house has poor insulation (so it can be freezing inside my house when it’s not too bad outside for example). But my hip issues get worse when it’s about to rain, so I used to make sure I checked the weather regularly so I could be prepared for that. We haven’t had rain in a long time, so I guess that slipped my mind lately.

But I had been having some really horrible nights of sleep this week. I struggled to fall asleep and when I did fall asleep, I woke up a lot. I have been having a lot more sleep issues over the past year than I normally do, so I assumed it was connected to that. And even though I had some hip pain, that’s not too unusual for me either. I didn’t think about if there was a possibility of rain causing the issues until I woke up the other night and it was pouring rain outside.

I am grateful for the rain because I know we really need it, but I hate that it causes me so many issues. And I hate that because I haven’t been paying attention to the weather and that part of the news that I was unprepared for dealing with this over this week. If I had known it was going to rain, I couldn’t have completely prevented all the pain, but I would have taken steps to make it a bit easier for me. I also just hate the feeling of being unaware that something was going to happen. So little in my life is in my control, and this was just one more thing that was out of my control. And it was my fault that it felt that way.

I know I’m probably overreacting a bit about all this. The pandemic out-of-control feeling is making my hip pain out-of-control feeling that much worse. And the rain looks like it’s done for now, so my hip pain should be getting better over the next few days. And soon enough, I’ll be back down to my regular pain level.

I also know I’m overthinking all of this. I am informed about what’s going on in the world, just not everything. And not knowing the weather isn’t the worst thing. Even when I was going out and doing things, I wasn’t always super aware of the weather. And I don’t know if I need to add another thing to my daily list to check in on. I guess this was just another thing to keep me on my toes during a time when life feels very repetitive and boring.

Thankful To Have Some Guidance (or I’m Almost Fully Vaccinated)

With my second vaccine coming up in about a week and a half, I’ve been starting to plan more and more about what I want to allow myself to do. I’m still not planning on changing too much about my life, but I can start thinking about what I am willing to do that won’t be too risky. There are things that people have been doing unvaccinated that I haven’t been ok with. Such as being outdoors with friends while masked or attending outdoor workouts. And I’ll probably be a bit more open to doing grocery shopping on my own and not just using delivery services.

I’ve written before about how it’s weird to think about trying to get back to normal. And while I can’t wait until I can see friends without worrying about my health and I can go out and do things again without considering the risks, it’s been hard to think about what is safe and what isn’t. I still don’t want to do anything stupid that will put myself or others at a higher risk than necessary.

But the other day, the CDC released some guidelines about what can be done once you are fully vaccinated. Being fully vaccinated means being 2 weeks after having both vaccines (or 2 weeks out after the single-dose Johnson & Johnson vaccine). So for me, I will be fully vaccinated right around my mom’s birthday. Until then, I’m still staying home and not going out as much as I can. The things I’m considering adding to my life won’t be until April. But I’m only a few weeks away, so I know I can wait.

And the timing of when I will be fully vaccinated is perfect because that’s when I’m hopefully seeing my family again! And almost everyone will be vaccinated (my nephew and niece won’t be and I don’t believe my sister-in-law will be) when I see them, so according to the CDC, we will be safe to be around each other. And knowing that I won’t be putting my family at risk when I see them is a huge relief.

And I’m glad the CDC released this information because it’s nice to know that the things I’m adding into my life again are considered safe. I don’t like having to make the decision on my own if the risks I’m taking are too much. When they said that vaccinated people can be together without wearing masks or distancing, I didn’t have to think about it more than that. And while I rarely have had anyone over at my house, it will be nice to know that the next time Dani and I hang out we won’t have to worry as much. But as far as going out in crowds or meeting up with people I don’t know or trust, that I will hold off on for now. Not everything is known yet, and things will just continue to get safer as more people are vaccinated.

There’s been a joke in some Facebook groups I’m in about how they will need to add a filter on dating apps if you’ve been vaccinated or not. I did add the photo I took after getting my vaccine to my profile. While some guys do write that they are fully vaccinated, I don’t know if I can trust that just yet. Maybe for a while, we will have to show everyone our vaccine card to prove we are safe. Going back to dating the way I used to seems so far away still, so I’m not too worried about rushing it. I’m slowly finding ways to date that feel safe, and I don’t need to push anything too much.

I know that everything over the past year has changed so much and so often. And these new guidelines could change at any moment. Maybe they will take back what they said and vaccinated people cannot be unmasked. Maybe there will be more things that will be safe soon. When I’m fully vaccinated at the beginning of April, things could be drastically different. But it’s still fun to start thinking about what I will be able to do soon and not have to worry as much. Just having that weight off of my shoulders is going to be a much-needed change.