Tag Archives: health issues

Working On More Regular Doctor Appointments (or Catching Up On What I Missed)

Posted on September 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Working On More Regular Doctor Appointments (or Catching Up On What I Missed)

Like so many people last year, I didn’t make it to a lot of regular medical appointments for most of 2020 because of the pandemic. I obviously did what I had to do when things weren’t great and I started regularly going to the dentist again after having some issues, but a lot of my routine appointments were put off and I figured I would do them when things were safer. And even though I have been vaccinated for about 6 months now, I didn’t get a chance to start planning routine appointments again until recently.

I might have forgotten to schedule them for longe but I did get an email alert from my insurance about some routine tests being due. They aren’t things I do every year, but it made sense I might be due for tests since I knew I skipped last year. So I tried to work on scheduling appointments around my work time (which isn’t easy now since I’m full-time and have to take time off to go). And I got a couple of things set up that started this week.

I had my regular well-woman checkup this week, which was one of the alerts I had gotten from my insurance. I found out when I got to the appointment, I wasn’t actually due for another year, but I figured I might as well do it all since I was already there. And while it’s not a fun appointment, it’s necessary to make sure I’m staying healthy and I don’t discover another random thing that is wrong with me. I’ve been feeling pretty ok lately, outside of some mental stress due to the pandemic, so I think everything is ok with me. But it will be good to know for sure.

I’ve got a few medical tests that I should have done last year but it was ok to push them off another year, so when I was at my appointment my doctor was able to start the process for me to schedule them. For example, my last liver MRI was supposed to be last year, but I was told to wait on it due to the pandemic. So hopefully when I do it this year, this will be the last one I need. But because it’s been almost 2 years since my last one, I needed a new order to get scheduled for the MRI. Normally, I call my liver surgeon so he can order it, but my doctor was able to put in the order for me so I could save that time. I still need to schedule it, but I’ll probably have it in the next month or two. It just depends on the time options. I also got an order for my next mammogram, which was something else I skipped last year. I don’t have to do regular ones just yet, but it’s good for me to do them.

Also, since my last regular appointment, I had my appointment with the geneticist so I could get breast MRIs covered by my insurance as a cancer screening. The geneticist said that I didn’t need to start doing those MRIs just yet, but I wanted to confirm that with my doctor. And she agrees, so I have a few more years before those MRIs are regular screenings for me.

And the last thing I set up were some regular blood tests that I haven’t done in a few years. This wasn’t just skipped because of the pandemic, but because I don’t always do them regularly. But they are all just boring things like blood sugar, liver enzymes (which I know were really off before, but it was because of my tumor), cholesterol, and things like that. I probably should be better about checking these things regularly and I need to see how often I really should do them.

Considering that I missed last year’s annual appointment and a few other doctor appointments that I usually would have, I think this appointment went really smoothly. Obviously, I don’t have test results from any tests I did yet, but there’s nothing I’m worried about and nothing my doctor was worried about. Honestly, the most worrisome thing during my appointment was the burst blood vessel in my eye. I know it still looks pretty bad, but as soon as my doctor walked into the room I reassured her that I was safe at home and nothing bad had happened to me. And she’s known me for years, so she knew I was ok and didn’t have to question me too much about it. And I think we both had a good laugh over the fact that I have had a few different suspicious-looking injuries that could look bad but they are actually from something innocent.

Hopefully, I can get the rest of my regular appointments in soon. I have almost all of them scheduled, but if things get really bad again with the pandemic I might have to put them off. But I’m hoping this appointment this week was me kicking off getting back on track with staying on top of my health.

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Default ThumbnailBack To Focusing On Health (or Back To Back Doctor Appointments) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailMy First Doctor Appointment In A While (or Not Everything Can Be Done Over The Phone) Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailGetting Back To Normal (or Friend Hangouts And Doctor Appointments) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)

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Looking Forward To Another Shot (or Ready For A Booster)

Posted on August 25, 2021 | Comments Off on Looking Forward To Another Shot (or Ready For A Booster)

As soon as the vaccinations for Covid were announced, I know people were starting to ask if the two shots we’d be getting would be enough. Would there need to be a third shot? Would this become something similar to the flu shot where we get them each year? There were so many questions and I know that there weren’t a lot of answers right away. And I think there were a lot of other things to consider if we would need additional shots, but we were all just so happy to be able to be vaccinated. And even though I hate needles, getting my Covid vaccine was a really happy day for me.

I don’t know how to explain the relief I felt when I got my first vaccine. I knew I wasn’t 100% protected and I still needed my second shot, but just knowing that I was getting closer to the end was the most amazing feeling. And when I got my second shot and was past the 2 weeks of waiting before I was considered fully vaccinated, I was even more hopeful. Because so many people were getting vaccinated so quickly, I thought this summer would be normal. I think so many of us had that thought.

What I didn’t expect was the number of people against the vaccine. I have always known there are people who can’t or don’t vaccinate themselves or their families. But with Covid, since so many people were against masks, I thought they would want to be vaccinated so they could be done with masks. But as we all know, that is not how it went and now we are having a new surge. And even people who have been vaccinated are at risk. Fortunately, it seems like those who are vaccinated are not getting as sick as those who are not, but it doesn’t matter. Being at risk is a scary thing and I think that increased the questions about needing another shot.

And now we all know that people are getting booster shots. And I honesty am so happy to know there is a timeline for getting the next shot. I still hate shots and I know it’s not going to be a fun day for me, but I really want to make sure I stay safe and healthy. I want to feel that same feeling I had earlier this year when I was so relieved and ready to get back to my life. I’m not in the same fear that I was in before getting vaccinated, but I also am limiting what I go out to do and who I see. So I’m just waiting until I can get my next shot. Based on how it is right now, I should be getting my booster in November, so it’s still a bit away. But it’s something to look forward to and hope that maybe the time between now and then will not be as bad as they are now.

Just like how sometimes I surprise myself with how dedicated I am to working out when it was such a struggle for me, I now surprise myself with how much I’m looking forward to getting another vaccine. I don’t care if I pass out hard or just black out a bit like it has been recently. I just want to make sure I do everything I can to not get sick and make sure I can get back to a time where I don’t have to worry about this.

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Default ThumbnailFlu Shot Time (or Another Health-Related Post) Default ThumbnailGetting Hopeful About The Vaccine (or Why I’m Being Even More Careful Now) Default ThumbnailGetting Vaccinated (or I Didn’t Believe This Until It Happened) Default ThumbnailReally Getting Ready To Get Back To My Workouts (or I’m Not Sure I’m Ready To Work That Hard Yet) Default ThumbnailA Very Fast Vaccine Appointment (or I Still Am A Bit In Shock) Default ThumbnailVaccine Envy Is Real (or Trying To Stay Positive)

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A Super Fast Therapy Appointment (or Having Therapy On An Insanely Stressful Day)

Posted on August 19, 2021 | Comments Off on A Super Fast Therapy Appointment (or Having Therapy On An Insanely Stressful Day)

My therapy appointments are usually 6 months apart, so it’s been a while since I’ve had one. I mostly have therapy as medication check-ins and not to talk things out, so there isn’t a big need to go often unless I am testing out a new medication. Even though they are only medication check-ins, I do still discuss how I’m feeling and how I’m doing, but they don’t go as in-depth as they did when I was attending therapy more often.

And I was doing video appointments before the pandemic, but I appreciate having video appointments even more now. It’s so much easier for me not to have to leave my house, especially when I have such a full work schedule. And when I booked my most recent appointment, I was basing it on the idea that my work schedule would be close to what it used to be before the pandemic. I was hopeful that things would be coming back, so I figured that was a smart decision. I didn’t consider that I’d be working more hours so the time that used to be right after work would be during work. But since it was a video appointment, I figured I could multi-task a bit for a quick appointment.

What I wasn’t expecting was to have my therapy appointment on the most stressful day of my customer service job. Without going into too much detail about how things work at my company, it was the day that our clients were informed about the start of some things for August. And while most were happy and were messaging us a quick thank you, this also had a lot of clients who thought they had canceled or changed their service reach out questioning what happened. Most of the miscommunication was through a partner company we work with, but it still created a ton of work for me. And right now, I’m pretty much the only person doing the customer service work. So when I had to log into my video appointment, I was in the middle of the craziness of responding to people.

I’ve said this before, but I’m grateful my therapist knows me. I’m sure I looked frenzied and in a panic because I was trying to get work done. But I explained to her about the number of messages I was trying to respond to and she understood. So she helped to make the appointment go quickly. She asked if I was ready to start testing other medications, but I think she agreed with me that it’s still not the right time since I will want to know if any side effects are due to the current circumstances in the world or the medication. I do think a change might be in order, but waiting feels right to me for now.

And we did discuss my current stress levels but I explained how it was a very temporary situation and likely only for that day. In the recent past, I discussed stress related to the pandemic and not being vaccinated yet, but now that’s not as big of a concern for me. I’m still being careful and I’m glad that I will be eligible for a booster shot soon, but I think now that I know I’m at least a little protected has helped to bring down my fear a lot. And the stress being unvaccinated caused me was very different from what I was feeling due to work. My work stress wasn’t really in my control, but it felt more in control to me.

After a bit of a check-in so she knew I was doing ok, my therapist agreed that keeping my medication the same was a good plan and she set me up for another 6 months through the pharmacy and booked my next appointment in February next year. And I know that if I need to contact her for any reason before my next appointment, I can do that and get another appointment sooner. Or I can email back and forth with her if I have questions or concerns.

I have no clue what the world will be like in 6 months. Maybe I’ll finally be ready to discuss changing up my medications. Maybe it will be better in the world but I won’t be ready to change things up. I really have no clue. But at least for now, I’m sticking with the plan that has been working for me and continuing to do the other things I need to do to get into recovery with my eating disorder.

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Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy) Default ThumbnailAnother Pandemic Therapy Check-In (or Hanging In There) Default ThumbnailAnother Isolated Therapy Session (or My Anxiety Is Normal) Default ThumbnailSome More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication) Default ThumbnailAnother Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

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It’s Nice When Things Turn Around (or Having A Better Day Helps So Much)

Posted on July 22, 2021 | Comments Off on It’s Nice When Things Turn Around (or Having A Better Day Helps So Much)

With having such a horrible day earlier this week, I was prepared for having some tough days the rest of this week. And things haven’t gotten completely better and I’m still struggling a bit, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. And while I would love for things to be perfect and amazing, that’s not realistic. So I’m happy with the few changes that have happened in only a day or two.

I’m still dealing a lot with the heat and all the issues that I have from that. But I’ve been focusing on staying as hydrated as I can since I know that can help when I feel overheated. I do still have to be careful because I can drink too much water, but I know I can be ok drinking a little bit more than normal since I’m also sweating more than normal. And while my a/c unit isn’t perfect, I know it makes a huge difference and if I feel really sick from the heat I can take a little break and stand right in front of it. Again, it’s not perfect but it helps and makes me feel better for a while.

I’m also still dealing with pain and nausea, but the first few days of the week were the worst and now things are getting easier each day. My medications are helping a lot and that’s a huge relief. I also know I’m past the halfway point of what is usually the length of time I deal with this. And knowing I’m almost done makes the really tough moments easier because I know I’m almost done. And while I would have loved to have things to distract me so I wouldn’t always focus on how I feel, I’m glad I had nowhere to go because I spent a lot of time laying on my couch or bed just trying to feel better. And I had the ability to do that after work and not miss out on things I was looking forward to.

And even though this wasn’t something that was upsetting me earlier this week, I did get my new contract for my job sent to me. I knew it was coming, even if it was only for 6 months and not a year (hopefully the extension will come soon). But waiting still made me nervous and afraid that I would hear that something happened and they couldn’t offer me a contract. But I have it now, it’s all signed and done, and I know how many hours I’ll have for the rest of the year. It’s close to what I thought it would be and I’ll be doing some training on my new tasks next week so I can start doing that and not just the social media work I’ve been doing the past few weeks.

But honestly, I think one of the things that helped me get over my bad day was to allow myself to have a bad day. I didn’t pretend that things were fine and if I ignored it that I would believe it. I allowed myself to be upset and do what I needed to do to get through the day. Laying in bed isn’t the best way to spend my time, but it’s what I needed to do. I didn’t stress too much about anything I didn’t have to do. And just getting through the day was helpful and didn’t make me feel bad about what I was able to do or not do that day.

Even though I’m not totally better now, I think the little improvements I’ve had are helping me feel better. I still have things to deal with and push through, but they are more tolerable now. And having one or two horrible days and then being almost better is a nicer situation than to have a week of somewhat bad days before things turning around. And I’m grateful that this time they were horrible days but they were over quickly.

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It’s Another Short Post Type Of Week (or Sorry About This)

Posted on July 21, 2021 | Comments Off on It’s Another Short Post Type Of Week (or Sorry About This)

I wish I had an amazing post to share today, but I’m really not doing so great right now. My mental health is fine, so that’s good. Although I guess exhaustion can count against mental health. But for physical health, I’m having a hard time.

It’s like right now everything is working against me. It’s very hot here in LA, so I’m dealing with those issues and I’m trying to stay as cool as I can. It’s oddly humid here, which we aren’t used to and makes the heat worse. But I think it’s also affecting my hip because I’ve been in a lot of hip pain lately. And I’m dealing with my monthly pain and nausea. And while it wasn’t so bad last week when I thought it might be, this week has been brutal. My medications don’t seem to want to work right now. The pain is maybe dulled a bit, but I still have horrible cramps that stop me in my tracks. And the nausea is always tough to push through. It’s a general feeling of seasickness all the time and I don’t get relief even if I do get sick. And because of the nausea, I’m not sleeping much. I wake up a lot in the middle of the night afraid I’m about to get sick. And it takes me forever to get back to sleep.

Even though I try to go to bed early, I’m averaging under 2 hours of sleep when I’m in bed for 6 1/2 hours. I’m not doing much else besides work and dealing with how I’m feeling because I don’t feel the need to take more on. I can’t avoid all responsibilities, so I limit them where I can.

So as much as I’d love to have a nice and well-thought-out post on here, right now I just want to share how I’m feeling and then go lay down since I’m done with work for the day (I’m writing this on Tuesday).

Hopefully, this is the peak of it all and I start getting better tomorrow.

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Requiring Masks Again (or This Doesn’t Change Too Much For Me)

Posted on July 20, 2021 | Comments Off on Requiring Masks Again (or This Doesn’t Change Too Much For Me)

Over the weekend, LA County put their mask mandate back. It’s been about a month since the mandate ended and things were looking much better as far as daily cases go. So many people were getting vaccinated and I was celebrating each time I heard of a friend getting an appointment for a vaccine. When I set up my vaccine appointment earlier this year, I had heard so many stories of friends trying for so long to finally get through to a person. So I was so grateful when I was vaccinated and it seemed like we were getting closer and closer to all eligible people being vaccinated.

I knew that kids still weren’t able to get the vaccine, but at least with all people over the age of 12 being protected, things should have been getting better. And they were for so long. When things returned to normal, I was so hopeful about the world starting to return to normal. The end of the mandate last month didn’t change too much for me, but it did allow me to feel like things were better and I stopped stressing out as much as I had before.

But shortly after the mandate ended, daily cases started to increase. I knew this could happen, but I don’t think anybody expected it to happen the same way it did. We went from having under 200 cases a day to over 1,000 cases a day within about a week. And even though 99% of the new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths were from unvaccinated people; things were looking a bit out of control. And if it was only unvaccinated adults who made the choice to not be vaccinated, maybe it would seem different. But children have no choice and cannot be vaccinated and things were getting more dangerous for them. So even though I think everyone didn’t want to have to wear masks again in all situations, I understand why they put the mandate back. We need to stop this surge before it gets worse.

It’s frustrating and upsetting to see things get worse, but I’m grateful that they took action quickly and hopefully the surge won’t get much better. And maybe this will motivate more eligible people to be vaccinated. I know not every state is going to have the same push that CA might have, but things have been so patchwork for so long and I don’t know if there could be a way to hope for some policies to be nationwide.

I don’t hate wearing a mask, but I don’t love it either. I have had multiple panic attacks while wearing a mask. None of the attacks have been horrible, but they are never fun to deal with. It’s not about having something on my face necessarily, but more of a constant reminder of the state of the world. It’s why I have mainly been doing online and delivery shopping, even for groceries. But I understand why they are necessary and how they help. And I feel like I will wear a mask during cold and flu season in the future to protect myself. And compared to the sacrifices so many others have to make to be safe, wearing a simple mask is a small thing to do.

Even when the mask mandate ended, I still wore a mask in almost all public places. There were signs at the grocery store that fully vaccinated people didn’t have to, but I did since they didn’t ask for proof and I felt it was something respectful I could do for the employees. I’ve only been to restaurants a few times since the pandemic hit, and I would wear my mask unless I was eating or drinking. But I haven’t gone to a lot of shops or out to many public things like movies. So even though I didn’t change too much when the mandate ended, it still felt like a step forward. I’m trying to not look at the mandate coming back as a step back, but it’s hard not to be a bit pessimistic about it.

Hopefully, the cases will drop again soon and more people will be vaccinated so we can end this mandate and not take a step back again. We are so close to being over the pandemic and we can’t give up so close to the finish line. And until we are done, I will be doing what I can to keep myself safe as well as others. I just hope that more people feel the same way and get vaccinated soon.

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Almost Forgot My Hip Surgery Anniversary Again (or 15 Years Down)

Posted on July 9, 2021 | Comments Off on Almost Forgot My Hip Surgery Anniversary Again (or 15 Years Down)

Every year since my hip surgery, I try to remember to celebrate the anniversary of my surgery. The first few years were a little less celebratory because I was still worried that each year that passed meant I was one year closer to the next surgery that was supposed to be necessary soon. But once I surpassed what my hip surgeon predicted I started to celebrate more and more and I didn’t worry about when the next surgeries would be. Even though I know I will still need a few more surgeries, they don’t seem like they are looming over my head as something I will need to do soon.

I rarely forget my hip surgery anniversary, but it does happen sometimes. And this year was one year that I almost forgot. I didn’t remember it until the day was half over and I realized what the day was. And this was a big anniversary because it marks 15 years since I had my hip surgery!

Almost forgetting about my surgery anniversary is a sign that this isn’t as big of a deal in my life as it used to be. But I don’t think I will ever stop thinking about each year being something to be excited about. And 15 years is a big one. In a few years, my hip surgery will be half a lifetime ago for me! But for now, it is a significant chunk of my life ago. And just like any other surgery anniversary, I’m still impressed by how much I have been able to do since surgery.

I’m so happy that I don’t have to deal with as much pain as I had in the past. I do still have pain every day, but most of the time I don’t have to take anything to deal with it from day to day. Compare that to before my surgery when I was maxed out on 2 different painkillers and still in intense pain. Even though I do have to take a painkiller when things get really bad, those moments are rare and I’m not taking something regularly. Sometimes, I can even go several weeks without needing a painkiller. That would have been impossible to think about before my surgery.

I have accomplished so much that I was told may not be possible after having surgery. I know that sometimes I take a few more risks than I should, but I also have decided to not live in as much fear as I used to. I don’t do the things I was warned about the most, such as things that are real fall risks for me, but I do take chances with things that I was told aren’t the best for me to do but also not super dangerous. And this has allowed me to live life a lot fuller than I thought I would be able to.

I do still spend time every day to make sure that I’m taking care of both the hip that was operated on and the other side which will likely be the next surgery. I stretch almost every day (I’m working on being better about doing it every day). I use foam roller balls to help with my muscles since I depend on them to help support my hip joint. I try to move around during the day when I can so I don’t get too stiff. And I make sure that any shoes I get won’t be too hard on my hips. This means I can’t always wear the shoes I want to and I have to be a bit more practical at times, but after dealing with several days of pain from wearing unsupportive shoes, I know that is something important.

With all the issues I have regarding my health and body, I don’t have a ton I celebrate. But this is one that I should celebrate and be proud of. My hips have been able to do things that I didn’t think I could do. Even with all the medical issues and things I was warned about, somehow my body has overcome that and I haven’t had to focus too much on the negative over the past 15 years.

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Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Health

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And Another Dermatologist Check-In (or Having Changes Be Routine)

Posted on July 2, 2021 | Comments Off on And Another Dermatologist Check-In (or Having Changes Be Routine)

I’ve been working with my dermatologist on my autoimmune condition since the beginning of this year. It’s not the first time I’ve worked on it, but it’s the first time I’ve had a doctor who understands the condition and is really working on a plan with me. And while I’m so grateful to have someone working with me on it, it’s frustrating when it’s not a simple solution. You don’t just take one medication to make it get better. It’s not even one type of medication. It’s testing out a lot of different options that can improve things, but not necessarily cure them. And I know it can be a long process, but I still wish it wasn’t like this.

So far, I have tried one medication I’ve been on a lot that is usually used as an antibiotic and I actually took after getting cellulitis. Then at my last appointment, another medication was added that can help make things better and is usually prescribed for blood pressure issues. The antibiotic one does bother my stomach, but it’s not that bad and I have figured out ways to make it more tolerable. So I was fine with that one. But the new one that was added last time was a bit of a wild card. I naturally have low blood pressure, so taking something that could lower it more had the potential to cause some side effects.

And it did do just that. I stuck it out for the past 2 months, but I’ve been dealing with having lightheadedness and some dizziness. And I would usually feel it more when I was working out. There are other things that I thought could be side effects, but I wasn’t too bothered by them. But I really wanted to try this new medication out the entire time to see if it got better.

So when I had my follow-up with my dermatologist this week, I told him what I was experiencing and he wanted me to stop taking it. He actually said I probably should have emailed in and he would have told me to stop sooner, but I really wanted to give it a chance. But I’m also glad to be no longer taking it since it was annoying to have side effects that felt so similar to the vertigo that I had a few months ago.

Since the new medication didn’t work, I’m now trying another one. This one is usually given to regulate blood sugar (something I don’t need to worry about) but it has shown to also help the condition I have. Just like any other medication, it does have side effects, but most of them seem to be things I already deal with such as nausea. I just have to be careful with timing when I take the medication so that I’m taking it with food. Not too hard of a thing to do and I’m already decent at doing that with the other medication I take.

But then, I got some news I wasn’t expecting at my appointment. The antibiotic that I’ve been on (that I do see helping now) can’t be taken for a long time. I’m already close to the limit of taking it and when I go for my next follow-up, I will need to stop. While I knew the medication wasn’t a permanent fix, I guess I didn’t think about when I would have to stop taking it. And there is a chance that this new medication will work (and it can be something I take for a long time) so it won’t matter. Or maybe I’ll hit a level of remission and I’ll be fine in a few months. You never know.

Before I left my appointment, my dermatologist went over a few of the other issues we discussed last time (everything is fine and I’m looking like I’m having progress). And we discussed a bit about the surgery I can get for my autoimmune condition. Right now, I don’t want to do surgery. There are still other medications I can try and surgery would have a long recovery time. It is the only permanent solution, but if I can be in remission that works for me too. I just have to see if that’s possible. So I have to continue testing out medications until I’m out of options, then I’ll think more about surgery.

I guess I’ll see in about 3 months what the new plan is. The only thing I know for sure is that the plan I’m doing now will be changing then since it has to. But as long as I’m working on it and have a doctor who is willing to do that too, then I’m finding ways to be ok with this frustration in not having answers just yet.

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Default ThumbnailA Dermatologist Follow-Up (or I’m Not Always The Best Judge Of Progress) Default ThumbnailGoing In For A Doctor Appointment (or Making A Plan With My Dermatologist) Default ThumbnailPushing Through Feeling Off (or Hopefully This Doesn’t Last For 3 Months) Default ThumbnailSome New Medication Side Effects (or At Least I Know How To Handle This) Default ThumbnailA Good Therapy Check In (or Focus On The Good) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress)

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Mental Health Lessons From The Pandemic (or I’ve Gained New Empathy Over The Past Year)

Posted on June 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Mental Health Lessons From The Pandemic (or I’ve Gained New Empathy Over The Past Year)

I think most of us around the world have an odd time regarding mental health since March 2020. Some gained new anxieties and fears. Some learned how we really are introverts or extroverts. Some gained new coping mechanisms (both healthy and unhealthy). And some learned to prioritize their mental health for the first time. Even though I have been very aware of my mental health and mental health issues, so many things have changed how I think about things because of what we all went through.

I have had some real low points, and I have learned to appreciate the little things that make me happy. And yes, I have picked up some coping mechanisms that aren’t the healthiest and I’m working to fix things so I don’t rely on those as much. And while I do wish we didn’t have to go through all this, it has been interesting to see what things I have learned regarding mental health for myself and for what others experienced.

For example, when things shut down and so many of us were numb, I learned a lot about how our brains protect us when things are too overwhelming and that’s why we might be numb. We might not understand how bad things are even if we have the information and facts. Some people might have been acting like things weren’t as bad as they were because of this. But some people just refused to believe it and were defiant. Most of the people who were numb didn’t speak out too much about feeling that way because they didn’t know that’s what they were experiencing.

And right now, with so many of us hesitating about going back out in the world, there have been discussions and posts online about how some trauma takes time to show in our lives and we might be reacting to the trauma of the shutdown now. Some of the fear and anxiety might have not been felt before if we were numb and now we are seeing how serious things really are. And when you see so many people out there not caring about wearing a mask or being vaccinated, it can make things worse when there are so many unknowns about what happens there is a new surge.

And besides learning about current mental health issues and how they connect with me, I have learned a lot about how this experience relates to things that I had no clue about before. The best example I saw was discussing how the time we are in right now is only a fraction of what people who were in prison and getting out experience.

For a while, we have lived condensed lives. We haven’t seen many people, had to make that many choices about what to do, and we have stopped being social. When someone is leaving prison, they experience so much of the same but also so much more. And I know that I never gave too much thought about how long it might take someone to reenter the world after prison. I know I’ve thought about things from a technology standpoint and thinking how overwhelming it might be if someone went to prison when cell phones were basic and now they are handed an iPhone. But also, now I can understand wanting to stay isolated even when that’s what they’ve been experiencing for so long. Not wanting to be in big groups or around a lot of people makes a lot more sense. When you go from such a limited life to a full life, everything seems like a lot.

And I don’t think I could have truly understood this feeling without experiencing it a bit myself. Even though I do get burnout and overwhelmed, this is a different level of it. It’s almost like sometimes I can’t focus on things because there are so many possibilities for me. There aren’t things I’m necessarily trying to do to overcome this feeling besides be gentle with myself and not feel like I have to go out to do things just because I can.

I’m sure that one day, looking back at this time I will have more lessons I’ve learned and things I appreciate. But for now, I’m just grateful for the little bits that I’ve learned, the new skills I have, and being more aware of situations others may be experiencing.

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Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or There Is No Shame In Therapy) Default ThumbnailWeird Health Issues (or I’m Just Falling Apart) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health) Default ThumbnailTrying To Have A Normal Workout Week (or I Need OTF For My Mental Health)

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Really Tired of Feeling Awful (or For Some Reason This Month Is The Worst)

Posted on May 28, 2021 | Comments Off on Really Tired of Feeling Awful (or For Some Reason This Month Is The Worst)

I write about having monthly pain and nausea on here all the time. It’s an unfortunate and annoying occurrence in my life that I deal with every single month. Sometimes I will have a better month, but I haven’t had a month without dealing with this since I had to stop taking continuous birth control. And while I have medications and other things to make me feel better, sometimes it’s just not enough. And this month, it’s one of those months where things just aren’t getting better.

Most months, I deal with this for about 10 days. Sometimes it’s a little less because I feel almost normal earlier than I expect. When I first got off the pill, it would occasionally last for 2 weeks, but that rarely happened and almost never happens now. But of course, this month looks like it may be a month I have pain and nausea for at least 2 weeks.

I’m still in the middle of things, so there is a chance it will get better sooner. But honestly, I’ve been pretty miserable since the middle of last week. The pain can be unbearable at times, even with being on constant painkillers. The nausea isn’t as unbearable, but it is more annoying because I never can tell if I will end up throwing up or not. I’m lucky that my body seems to know when I am in public and not able to be sick, but that’s still a fear I have all the time.

But besides the pain and nausea, I just hate not feeling like me. The bloating is bad, but it’s worse when none of my clothes fit and I have to convince my brain that it’s not because I really gained a ton of weight. Being crabby and irritated isn’t my natural state and I sometimes have to work hard to not take that out on other people. I’m trying to be more social now that it’s possible, but right now I just want to curl up on my bed and nap. I try to force myself to not do that, but sometimes I just can’t find the motivation to do anything else.

And even though this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want to, I hate that I’m complaining about this. I know that things can be better (and they were for so long and I miss that time), but I also know that things could be worse. Having regular cycles is a sign that my body is still working the way it should. I know there are a lot of issues that I might not know about even with a regular cycle, but it is still a good sign. It would be worse if I was constantly going through medical tests to figure out what is wrong with my hormones or body, and I have several friends who have to do that. Hearing their stories of various tests and procedures does make me grateful that my issues can be planned and scheduled around.

As much as I try to be positive and think that maybe I’m being dramatic and my body will surprise me, I have to be prepared for it not to be that way. And even if I felt completely normal again tomorrow (unlikely, but you never know), the past week has still been one of the worst times I’ve had and it’s been a real issue in my life and trying to be able to do anything.

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Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms) Default ThumbnailSorry For A Quick Post (or Going Through A Tough Day) Default ThumbnailFeeling Like I’m Catching Up (or A Month With Vertigo) Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailSo Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day) Default ThumbnailAnother Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine)

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