Tag Archives: doctor

Hoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy)

Posted on August 7, 2019 | 1 comment

I feel like every time I go in for a doctor’s appointment, I discover something random or weird. Maybe it’s because I am on top of going to my annual appointments and maybe it’s because I am that much of a medical oddity. Either way, I rarely leave without discovering something that makes me laugh or shake my head. Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor about this, but I do wish that sometimes things would be easy for me.

Even when I think an appointment went well, I find out that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. Last year, when I went in for my annual appointment I thought everything went fine. Then a test of mine was lost. Then I had to get a higher level test to confirm that I was fine. Nothing was that horrible or painful, but it did make me laugh that I had to go through 3 appointments instead of the usual 1 just to confirm what my doctor and I knew. I was a little worried that maybe we would find out that there was something wrong with me, but I trust my doctor to tell me even if she worried a little bit. And she knew these tests were much more of a precaution than a diagnosis.

I was prepared for some more randomness when I went in for my annual appointment this week. I knew it would be more than my standard appointment because I did have a few things I did want to bring up with my doctor, but I also knew that there are always things that seem to come up and I now expect the unexpected.

But this appointment ended up going smoothly from the start. Even when they were taking my blood pressure, it went so much better than normal. I’m used to my blood pressure being extremely high before my appointment and normal after. This time, it was normal before the appointment. I don’t know if I was extra calm or if my blood pressure was very low so it just appeared to be normal. Either way, it was nice to have that recorded as normal at the beginning of the appointment so I didn’t have to do it again after.

I had all the normal tests done at my appointment, although I will have to wait to do my bloodwork for 2 more weeks. Even though I am not trying to get pregnant right now, so many of my friends are and most of them seem to be having issues. Because of my liver tumors, I know that fertility treatments are very limited for me, so there’s not much I can do if I find out that my fertility isn’t where it should be. But I still am curious what my levels are like. But to find those out, the bloodwork has to be done at a certain point in your menstrual cycle. So I will be waiting to do the bloodwork so I can do everything at one time.

We also discussed my cancer testing. For cervical cancer testing, we will have to wait and see if I need to do the higher-level testing again this year. There is a chance I will need to do so, and that is normal and nothing to worry about. It’s good to know that if I have to do it again I don’t have to think that it’s a sign of something wrong. And I will be doing another mammogram again in a month. But because of the type of breast cancer that I am at a higher risk of getting, I really should be getting MRIs every 5 years or so. But my insurance hasn’t wanted to cover those yet. So next week, I will be meeting with a geneticist to discuss my family history of cancer and hopefully, we can get things covered by my insurance. At least I have gotten approved for mammograms because that is better than nothing and I am still younger than the recommended start age for them.

Even though this appointment could still result in some random test results or weird things, it did go pretty normally. There was nothing discovered that was shocking. The things I had questions about for my doctor ended up being normal things that I was able to get answers for. I don’t have to do any medical testing that I wasn’t expecting to do or add new prescriptions. I think the fact that this appointment went so easily almost makes it so weird to me. I am still waiting for the email or phone call that they lost the tests or that they found something that is a 1 in a million result with me because that is what I am used to hearing.

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Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailFinding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game) Default ThumbnailAnother Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy) Default ThumbnailMy Eyes Had A Miracle Too (or I Wish I Knew What I Was Doing Right) Default ThumbnailMore Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

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In Person Therapy (or Changing Some Things Up)

Posted on July 25, 2019 | 1 comment

It’s been a while since I’ve gone to see my therapist in person. I’ve had phone check-ins and video chat check-ins since my last in-person appointment and those have been great options. But some rules require that every so often I do have to go to an in-person appointment so that is what I had this week. I’m not sure if it’s a general rule or because one of my medications is a controlled substance, but either way, I was fine with going in.

I had a feeling going into the appointment that it would be a very easy one. With my new therapist, most of the appointment is about my medication and making sure that I am still doing ok with it. We have discussed my mental health from time to time, but we have agreed that my eating disorder is something much bigger than what can be figured out in talk therapy. I’m not holding onto something from my past or using it as a weapon, it’s just something that I have and my goal is to get into recovery. And hopefully, that recovery is soon.

The first part of the appointment was to discuss my dosage of Vyvanse and how I’ve been doing on it. I think I’m at the right dose right now and when I don’t take it on the rare occasion that it happens, I can feel a difference. I still wish it could do more than it does for me, but I also understand that the benefits that I wish it would have are not realistic. It’s not a miracle drug, but it is such a helpful tool for me. And I am so grateful that I am on it because I do know it’s helping.

I also brought up how I am doing the Brain Over Binge online course. My therapist is familiar with the book, but not the online course so I was telling her a little bit about it and what lessons I’ve been learning (which I’ll share on here another time). I think she was proud of me for taking a step beyond what she and I have discussed and she mentioned that she might start recommending the course to other patients of hers that cannot or don’t want to go to weekly classes that are offered through my insurance (I don’t want to do those classes as I have done a very similar thing before and it wasn’t the right thing for me).

The last thing that was discussed at my appointment was a new medication that my doctor mentioned to me when we had our last check-in. I was hesitant at the time because I like to have time to do some research about any new medication I start and make sure I am familiar with the side effects and what I can expect out of it. The medication is called Topamax and it is usually prescribed for seizures or migraine headaches. But there have been some studies that show that it can help with binge eating disorder.

The first way that Topamax can help can be with weight loss. The medication has the side effect of making people lose weight, so that can be a good thing for someone like me. It’s not a miracle cure and will make me drop weight without any effort, but it hopefully can help make any weight loss progress I am making on my own a bit easier and faster. Even though weight loss isn’t the main focus for me right now, I can’t deny that when I lose weight I gain confidence in my eating disorder battle and it helps me continue to try harder. So to know that this could help makes me hopeful.

The medication has also shown to help with controlling impulses which also can relate to eating disorders. This isn’t as common as weight loss, but any possible help I can get is a good thing and I encourage.

Because this is a new medication for me and we have no clue what the proper dosage will be to possibly help me, I will be doing a slow process over the next month or so with increasing the dose as well as changing when I take it. For now. I just take one pill at bedtime and I started on Tuesday night. I am hyperaware right now of anything I feel because I know it can be an unwanted side effect of the Topamax. I’m a bit paranoid too, but I’m just trying to stay alert and aware of how I feel and making notes when I feel anything that seems a bit off. So far, the only thing I experienced was a brief period of a bit of tingling in my hands/arms, but because that only happened once it might be a random thing and not from the medication. I’ll just have to wait and see.

My therapy appointment was so easy and simple this time. I’m sure it sounds like not much happened, but that’s kind of where I am with therapy now. It’s much more about medication management than anything else. And now I have a new medication that gives me some hope that it will help. Maybe that combined with everything else that I’ve been doing will be enough to help tip the scales (no pun intended) in my favor. All I can do is try and hope.

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Another Story About A Tumor (or I Guess I Was Misdiagnosed For Over 15 Years)

Posted on February 21, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Story About A Tumor (or I Guess I Was Misdiagnosed For Over 15 Years)

I wasn’t originally planning on writing about getting my stitches out from the surgery with my dermatologist. I have gotten stitches out before and while they can hurt it’s not a big deal. And I had been able to see for the past few days that the scar was healing really nicely and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. I was so happy that everything was going smoothly and was just ready for the stitches to be out so I could move on.

I knew when my doctor did the procedure, they sent it off to pathology to figure out what was removed. I had been told for over 15 years that this was a wart, but I questioned it since it wasn’t responding to treatment. I knew it was very unlikely to be anything bad like skin cancer since it hasn’t changed much over the years and no other doctors seemed worried about it. But my new dermatologist was sure it wasn’t a wart and he wanted to know what it was. Even though he kept saying it couldn’t be a wart, I was feeling certain that it was but it was some sort of rare one that didn’t respond to treatments. So while I was curious to get the pathology report, I wasn’t expecting much.

I got my stitches out on Tuesday and my doctor was very pleased with how everything was looking. My scar is healing really nicely and it should be almost invisible in a year or so. Even now with it being a fresh scar, it looks so tiny and it’s significantly less noticeable compared to what it was before. I had been told to use Vaseline on my stitches at least twice a day, and I went overboard with that and used it maybe 10 times a day. My doctor said doing that really helped the healing and to make it look as good as it does so far. And he told me to keep doing that for about 3 months to keep the scar from healing weird and being obvious.

After the stitches came out, then it was finally time to hear what pathology said. I thought I’d know before my appointment, but they only finished the results right before I went in. And my doctor was right, I didn’t have a wart.

It turns out, the bump on my face was a trichilemmoma. It sounds scary, but it’s basically a benign tumor of the hair follicle. It’s not common, but it’s not rare either. And while it can be a symptom of some other issues, for me it was just random. And the only way to get rid of them is to have the surgery that I had, so I’m glad that’s what we did instead of just a basic biopsy. Now that it’s gone, my doctor said it’s about a 95% chance it will never occur again there or in another spot. It really was just random and it’s done now.

When I found out that it was a benign tumor, I had to laugh. Until recently, I didn’t have much personal experience with tumors. Since I learned about my liver tumors, my idea of what a tumor is has changed. Even though I knew not all tumors were cancerous, having experience with non-cancerous tumors has made the word much less scary for me. So I wasn’t worried at all when I was told it was a tumor. It just was funny that of course I had yet another random medical issue.

And while I have had multiple dermatologists tell me over the years that it was a wart, I don’t blame any of them for misdiagnosing me. I’ve had other things in my life that were misdiagnosed and it’s never been the doctor’s fault. They can only use the evidence in front of them to figure out what might be the diagnosis. A majority of the time, they are right. Sometimes they are not. And I’ve never thought that they were bad doctors when they were wrong.

What does frustrate me is that I wasn’t a better health advocate for myself. I know what other doctors have done and what things haven’t been working. I could have said more about how often I’ve tried to correct this and the treatments didn’t work. I had one doctor previously offer to do a biopsy, but I didn’t push for it and I wish that I had. We would have figured out right after that was done that it was this benign tumor and I would have saved a few years of things not working. I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can use this as a reminder in the future that I should be less afraid to tell a doctor that I don’t think that enough is being done. That doesn’t guarantee anything would change, but I can make sure they hear me and my concerns.

For now, I’m just glad that this is done. I’m very optimistic about how the scar will look as it fades and I’m so happy that when it’s a bit less red than it is right now that I won’t always be worried if I remembered to put concealer on my face to cover it up (which is something I stressed about when I had the bump). I’m excited to have this as a thing in my past and be just another funny medical story I can share from time to time.

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A Surgery Afternoon (or This Has Been Over A Decade In The Making)

Posted on February 13, 2019 | 6 comments

On Monday this week, I had the little surgery with my dermatologist to remove the wart on my face (or whatever it is). This has been something I have been dealing with for so long, and it’s crazy to think that I just had a surgery to take care of it. I’m still in a bit of pain from it all, but I am glad I did it.

I haven’t gotten the results from the biopsy yet, but I’m going to assume that it was a wart. That’s what every doctor has told me it was. When I first got it when I was 18, the dermatologist I saw did 1 freezing treatment and it went away within a few days. It was so easy and simple and I thought it was done forever. But when it grew back, it seemed to come back with a vengeance.

I’ve done so many freezing treatments with so many doctors and that was always their first choice with treatment. When one doctor finally said it might need to be surgically removed, I went to a plastic surgeon to discuss it and was pretty much told it was a bad idea. I just kept going to new doctors and having them try to freeze it. And it never worked.

If it was just a boring wart, I don’t think I would have cared as much. But this was painful and causing issues and I wanted it gone. So when the newest dermatologist I met (for an unrelated issue) said that it would be a quick and easy surgery, I decided to go for it.

I knew that this would involve some shots since they had to numb my skin. And I knew it would probably hurt after the numbing medication wore off. But those negatives would be worth having this done with and not a problem in my life anymore. I did ok with the numbing shots, but they weren’t fun. My doctor understood that I hate needles and he really tried to be nice about it all. He kept apologizing when they had to do more just to make sure I’d be good and numb before he started.

The actual biopsy procedure was so quick. He used a tool that punched out a circle of my skin and that was it! I didn’t feel the punch at all but I was warned I might feel some pressure. But I was so numb and it was so quick that it was over before I knew it! The longest part was getting the stitches, and there were a few complications.

My doctor knew that there would be blood because he was cutting a hole in my skin. And I know that certain medications can make you bleed more so I didn’t take any of my medications that I could skip for the past week. The only thing I took was my Vyvanse and my anti-nausea medications. However, after my doctor asked if I took any blood thinners, I remembered that I also had taken some Motrin to ease my cramps last week. It wasn’t that recently, but it was still in my system and it was making me bleed more than expected.

Fortunately, it ended quickly and my doctor was able to start working on the stitches. This was the part I hated the most. I could feel him stitching my skin and pulling on it even if it was painless. But it was the weirdest sensation and I really didn’t like it. It wasn’t painful, but it just bothered me. I also could hear random things since this was happening close enough to my ears and that was freaking me out a bit too. But I tried my best to stay still because that would help my doctor do his best work. With this scar being on my face, I wanted to do whatever I could to minimize it.

The entire thing took a little under an hour. It did take time to get everything ready and for the numbing shots to kick in. Plus it took longer than expected because of the bleeding issue. I only got 2 stitches in my face, but my doctor wanted to make sure they were perfect so the scar would be the best it could be. I will always have a scar there now, but it should be better than what it looked like before.

I got to look at the stitches before they covered them up, and I was a bit surprised how tiny they were. I don’t know what I was really expecting, but I thought it would be much more than what it looks like. Right now, it almost looks like a hashtag or pound sign on my chin. I feel like it looks worse now, but when the stitches come out and the scar is healing it will be better.

And in the long run, a scar is going to be much easier to cover with makeup and won’t cause me pain or the other issues I’ve been dealing with. I’m so glad that this is done and while I hate the pain I’m in now I know in the long run I will be glad I did this.

Now, I just have to rock the stitches look for the next week before they come out. Not sure if I’m going to put a bandage on it while I’m out in public (I know I will when I go to my workouts), so it will be interesting to see the reactions of others.

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Another Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

Posted on February 7, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

Things have changed a few times for me since I started back in therapy. With my old therapist, my appointments started much more frequent but eventually went to twice a year. But those appointments were always in person and that’s what I expected them to be. When I got my new therapist, she offered the option to do virtual appointments. I’ve done a phone appointment with her before and that worked really well for me. I’m not doing therapy now to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it. I know what my issues are and I know the steps I need to take. It’s more about implementing those ideas now. My appointments are check-ins that are almost exclusively about my medication.

When I did my last appointment over the phone, my therapist let me know that at least once a year she has to be able to see me for an appointment. That can mean a regular in person appointment, but it can also be a video chat appointment. We both agreed that a video appointment would be best as it’s easiest and we knew the check-in wasn’t anything too serious.

I’m very happy with these alternative appointment options. First, it seems like those appointments are free (I know the phone one was, and I haven’t gotten a bill or anything for the video one) which is nice considering the regular appointments are about $80. I also get to save money on parking because there are no good free parking options by the office so I have to pay to use their parking lot. And these appointments are much faster for me since I don’t have to drive over there and wait for my appointment time.

This video chat appointment was my first time using the Kaiser video system. I was planning on using it on my computer, however the versions of different web browsers I have are too good for the system (I was shocked that the web browsers had to be 2 versions older than what I use). But I was able to use the video chat through the Kaiser app on my phone. It felt a bit like a Skype call when I was looking at the screen getting things set up.

I was logged in and ready to go 10 minutes before my appointment, so I set my phone down next to me and did some work while I waited for my therapist to log in. I figured it wouldn’t be right at my appointment time, but it was only a few minutes after which is much better than most in-person appointments are.

As expected, the check-in was pretty basic. She asked me if I was doing ok on my current dosage, which I am. I shared some issues I have been having such as sometimes taking it a bit too late if I’m having a lazy morning (I’m working on not doing that and if I have a lazy morning at least get up to take my meds early). I also shared how I think taking both pills in the morning is helping my anxiety because I’m not worried about remembering to take my dose in the middle of the day. I’m much happier with all my medication in the morning and I find that it is working just as well as it was when I was splitting them up. It’s still not a miracle medication and I do struggle from time to time, but that’s normal and expected.

I think my therapist was pretty happy with everything I was saying. I know that she doesn’t usually prescribe Vyvanse because she hasn’t seen a lot of success with it, and I know that I really am not a success story yet. I wish that my weight was down more than it is right now and I know that she was expecting that too. So she brought up the idea of adding other medications that might help with both weight loss and mental health.

I would love to be on something that would make me lose weight. But I am also hesitant to add anything else to my routine that is a mood stabilizer. I am having the least amount of anxiety and panic in my life that I can remember and I don’t want to mess that up. I know that my anxiety should have gotten worse, but for some reason it got better for me. And I don’t know what adding another medication may do to that.

I told my therapist exactly that and explained that I really don’t know if I want to try anything new. She really thinks it would be beneficial for me, but she agrees that if I’m not feeling on board with the idea that we shouldn’t do it now. But she gave me the name of the medication so I can do some research on my own and I can go into my next appointment with her understanding more about the medication so we can talk about it more. I know that some of my hesitation was not knowing anything about the medication and wondering about it, so having time to do some research will probably help. And I’m guessing if she still feels like it would benefit me when I see her again, that I’ll agree to go on it.

But for now, everything is staying the same with my plan. I am not changing any medication and I need to keep working on what I’ve been working on. I haven’t made all the changes I should have, but I am trying to get there and that’s the path I need to keep going down. And most likely in 6 months when I have my next appointment, there will be some changes made. But at least I know what is coming up and I can prepare for it.

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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New Year Another New Doctor (or Getting Ready To Get Some Stitches)

Posted on January 30, 2019 | 2 comments

I am not a fan of changing doctors. I like having a medical team that knows me and understands whatever issues I’m going through. I’m a medical weirdo so it can take a while to update a new doctor on my current situation and I’d rather avoid doing that. I’ve been lucky that many of the doctors I see on a regular or semi-regular basis are doctors that I have had for years, but occasionally I have to switch doctors for one reason or another.

I mentioned that my body is starting to show signs of stress. Some of the stress was showing up as odd bumps on the back of my neck that I didn’t know what they were. I tried not to freak out about them, but they weren’t getting smaller and they were sore so I knew I needed to make an appointment to see my dermatologist. Unfortunately, this time of year seems to be very popular with all dermatologists and the doctor I have been working with for a while wasn’t available for at least a month. I didn’t want to wait that long, so I asked if I could see a new doctor and I was able to get an appointment for earlier this week.

By the time I had my appointment, the bumps on my neck were almost gone. But I still wanted to get them checked out along with a few other skin issues I wanted to ask about. I don’t like to stack up medical issues, but this time that’s just what happened naturally.

Fortunately, the bumps I had on the back of my neck were nothing bad. It was more to do with my hair follicles than my skin and I got a recommendation for a new soap I could use that would help prevent them and make them go away if they return. I also asked if my recent hair loss in the spot that I had the bumps was related, but they weren’t. I just happened to have a bald spot in the same spot and that may have been the reason I noticed the bumps. If they had been covered by my hair, while I might have still had a bit of pain I wouldn’t have noticed them or realized they were bumps instead of a bruise.

And since I was seeing a new dermatologist, I also wanted to ask about the wart that I’ve had for over a decade. My last dermatologist considered doing a biopsy because she questioned if it could be a wart (typically even without treatment they will go away within 6 months), but it got postponed and I honestly forgot to do a follow-up to schedule it. I haven’t done anything to treat it recently and it’s been bothering me just as much as it always has.

This new dermatologist had the same hesitation as the last one about whether or not I have a wart on my face, but he didn’t hesitate on what we should do. He suggested that I come back for an in-office surgical removal. This is what I had discussed with a plastic surgeon a long time ago and that doctor made it seem like it would be a very difficult process with a very horrible scar. I didn’t want to disfigure my face, so I didn’t pursue the surgery with the plastic surgeon further.

And my last dermatologist never felt like it was the right option to take. I don’t know why I didn’t push the issue further and see what she felt would help this go away since all the treatments she had been trying had failed, but I know what hasn’t worked for over a decade. And while there are a few other options that I know I could ask to try, I also know the success rate of those other options are usually under 50% and most of them are painful.

This surgery is super minor and will be done with just a numbing shot. I will have stitches in my chin for about a week before they are removed and I will have a scar. The scar might be very obvious at first, but the dermatologist feels like it should be faded within 6 months and it will be easy to cover with makeup. And even with having a scar there, it will be less noticeable than what I have now. But to me, it’s not about how I will look. This wart has been painful for years and I want that pain gone.

I know it sounds like a rash decision and that I’m just hurrying things along. But this is something I have considered for a very long time and every doctor I have brought it up to has hesitated and told me that they didn’t feel this was a good option. This doctor was very confident in being able to make it work and to make the scar as small as possible. And for me it is so important to work with doctors who feel confident. I don’t always need my doctors to have all the answers, but they need to be confident in what they say even if they are saying they don’t know the answer at the moment. And I like the confidence of this doctor and I am ready to take the leap and finally get rid of something that has bothered me for years!

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A Boring Tumor Check In (or Still A Miracle)

Posted on October 24, 2018 | Comments Off on A Boring Tumor Check In (or Still A Miracle)

This week I had my appointment with my liver surgeon. I had my MRI about a week ago and this appointment was mainly just to confirm that everything is still ok with me. When I saw my surgeon a year ago, I was just so grateful to know that the shrinking tumors wasn’t a fluke. I was pretty nervous about things leading up to the appointment because I felt like things kept changing every appointment. But now, things seem almost routine (or as routine as they can be when you have multiple non-cancerous tumors in your liver).

Before my appointment with my surgeon, I had the text copy of my MRI report. When I first learned about my tumors, there were 3 of them. Last year, they could only see 2 of them. These tumors will never go away completely, but they can get so small that they aren’t seen on a scan anymore. And this time, I still only had 2 tumors in my report and they were even smaller! Last year, my surgeon mentioned that getting all my tumors under 3cm was a goal to have in mind because it makes some things less risky for me. And at that appointment last year the biggest one was just over 3cm. But according to this new MRI report, it was under that! So I was pretty excited to see my surgeon and hear what he had to say.

I’ve said this before, but I am so lucky with my liver surgeon. He is very upfront and honest about things with me, but my appointments also feel very casual and almost like a novelty. He’s not used to having patients who have shrinking tumors, so I think he is entertained by my case. And that’s fine with me because I’m pretty entertained by it too! And I think having these appointments feel so calm and casual has helped me relax about a medical situation that could be very scary.

He knew that I already saw the text to my MRI report so he confirmed what I read. My largest tumor, which started at about 10cm, was now 2.2cm. My smallest tumor is still not seen on the scan. And the medium-sized tumor had a little decrease in size from 1.1cm to 1cm (but that one started at 3cm). When we watched the images from my MRI, the biggest tumor looks so tiny in my liver now!

It’s also still completely inside my liver which is a good thing. When we discovered it, the tumor was half inside and half outside my liver. It was hanging off (as my surgeon likes to put it, it was hanging off like a bunch of grapes) and that was a very risky and dangerous thing. If the tumor broke off my liver, I could have had massive internal bleeding. It’s a big relief to know that not only is the tumor smaller, but that it is still completely inside my liver.

After looking at the images, we discussed the plan. There isn’t a big plan since this is still an unknown situation for my surgeon, but this is all good news. We discussed my future and what things can be riskier for me and what is now safe that the tumors are smaller. If in the future I need fertility treatments, they are an option for me now but I will need to be monitored. The same goes for if I’m pregnant in the future. I will still be high-risk, but it’s not as dangerous as it would have been before. Unfortunately, hormonal birth control is still too risky for me so I can’t go back to how things were before. But if that’s the only thing that is too risky for me, that’s not that bad.

We also discussed my future monitoring. My surgeon said if I wanted to have MRIs every other year instead of every year, we could do that. While I don’t love having MRIs, they aren’t the worst thing for me anymore. So I told him that if he wanted to do annual scans I would be ok with that. So he decided that I would have another MRI in a year and then we would reevaluate the plan in a year. And of course if anything changes or I have something happen, I can let him know and I can have a scan and appointment sooner. But I don’t expect anything to happen that would make me need to go in sooner than a year.

This seriously was such a normal and almost boring appointment. Nothing that big was said beyond confirming my tumors are shrinking. It’s so weird to think about how 2 years ago when I learned about the tumors everything seemed so crazy and hectic. I felt like a lot of things were happening quickly and was just trying to stay calm. Now, only 2 years later, seeing my liver surgeon was one of the easiest and least stressful doctor appointments I’ve had. The only weird thing we went over in my appointment was about the gallstone I currently have. It’s one large gallstone that is bigger than any of my tumors. But it’s better to have one big stone compared to a bunch of little ones. But we discussed that if I do have gallbladder issues again that he can take it out for me and take out the largest tumor as well. But I’m not expecting to need that soon. I haven’t had a gallbladder attack since the tumors shrank and that’s probably because the tumor was distorting my liver and pressing on my gallbladder. Now that the tumors are smaller, my gallbladder isn’t affected the same way.

So that’s really it from my appointment. There weren’t any big things discussed and the plan is to do another scan in a year. But there is no reason to expect that my tumors will grow again in the next year. I know there is a chance they won’t shrink anymore, but we aren’t expecting them to grow since they haven’t done that in any of my scans. Since discovering them 2 years ago, every scan has shown them getting smaller.

It’s been a crazy 2 year journey so far! I went from discovering I had tumors and needing surgery in October 2016, to finding out the tumors shrank in April 2017, to having them continue to shrink in my October 2017 scan, and now they’ve gotten even smaller!

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Default ThumbnailA Quick MRI Turnaround (or At Least I Have Some Answers) Default ThumbnailMy Easiest Follow-Up So Far (or I Might Only Have One More Of These) Default ThumbnailA Tumor Miracle (or I Wasn’t Expecting This) Default ThumbnailTumor Update Time! (or Guess I Won’t Have Another Of These For A While) Default ThumbnailTumor Updates (or I’ve Got A Plan For My Liver) Default ThumbnailAnother Story About A Tumor (or I Guess I Was Misdiagnosed For Over 15 Years)

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More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Posted on September 5, 2018 | Comments Off on More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Heads up to everyone: Just like with my IUD post, this post is a frank and honest discussion about a biopsy I had done. If the idea of reading about medical procedures or female health makes you uncomfortable or squeamish, you might want to skip this post.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of random medical conditions and medical tests. I joke to my parents that this has happened to me because I was raised in a family that worked in the medical field so somehow everything seems to happen to me. More often than not, I’m not that concerned about what I find out because I can talk to my parents and get a lot of answers. The only thing that really scared me recently was my tumor, but everything else has been something I just viewed as something new to experience and not something to be fearful of what I will find out.

Last year at my annual appointment with my OB/GYN, I had all the regular tests run as I try to stay on top of all health things including my reproductive health. Everything came back fine, but my OB/GYN let me know that I tested positive for high-risk HPV. For those of you who don’t know that is, here’s some quick information about it (for more information, check out this page). High risk HPV is not the type that can give you warts (that’s low risk HPV). High risk HPV is something that approximately 90% of women will get at one point (currently there is no test for men to see if they have it, but I’d bet numbers are similar). It is contracted by skin to skin contact and a majority of people will fight it off on their own in 1-3 years. If you can’t fight it off, it can lead to cancer but HPV only causes about 3% of cancer in women.

I have no idea who exposed me to this, but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not that big of a deal and it’s normally not something to worry about. I did have the HPV vaccine when I was 24, but that doesn’t protect you against all strains of high risk or low risk HPV. That’s why it’s so important to get checked every year to make sure you are fine. When I was told about this last year, I also knew my Pap smear came back normal so it wasn’t something we had to take action on immediately. My OB/GYN let me know that if my body didn’t fight it off in a year then we would have some more steps to take.

And as much as I would have loved for my body to fight it off within a year, I knew that with my history and the odds I seem to have that it wouldn’t be the case. And I was right. I tested positive for it again with another normal Pap smear. But because my OB/GYN wants to make sure that everything is fine with me and I want to do what I need to do to make sure I’m healthy, I had my first biopsy last week.

I was very fortunate that not only do I have an amazing OB/GYN who is super open and honest with me and could tell me everything I needed to, I was able to talk to my parents about this as well as some friends who have had it done. I knew that this was not being done because my doctor was worried about me but as a precaution to make sure there is nothing we need to watch (kind of the same reason I get mammograms). I still was nervous that this would hurt, but I had been told by friends that getting an IUD was worse so I knew I would be fine with just some painkillers and I could drive myself.

While I wasn’t scared for the results, I was nervous about the procedure and the room I was in for it seemed a bit scarier that the normal exam room to me.

But there wasn’t really anything too scary. I think it was more of being in a room that I hadn’t been in before and the unknown factor. I joked to my doctor that of course she put me in the scary room but she calmed me down quickly and we got started with the biopsy.

The procedure only took a few minutes and it wasn’t that bad. After getting the speculum in, my cervix was washed with a vinegar solution that helps make the cells easier to see. This didn’t hurt and wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just a bit cold. Then my doctor used a colposcope to see my cervix better. The colposcope is a machine that helps to illuminate and magnify things for your doctor. That was also when my doctor decided which biopsies I would need. She determined that I would not need the biopsy where they take a sample from the bottom of my cervix to check the cells as everything looked normal. Then we moved on to the biopsy I did have done.

The biopsy I had took cells from the inside of my cervix where you really can’t see the cells during the exam. There was a small tool used to scrape some of the cells off, similar to what is done during a Pap smear. But this was a little bit longer so I was prepared for it to be more than a tiny pinch. I knew it probably wouldn’t hurt, but of course I was worried that it would. But my friends were right and it didn’t hurt. I did feel it and it was a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t say it was painful. I described it to my doctor as almost like a headache or scratch happening inside my body. It was about 10 seconds long and then that was done. I did feel a bit of a cramp when I sat up after the biopsy and I had some cramps for the next few days, but it wasn’t bad and I didn’t really need painkillers for that long.

Because my Pap smears have been normal and everything looked normal with the visual exam, my doctor is expecting my biopsy to come back normal as well. And if that happens, I go back in a year for my normal exam and hopefully my tests will show that my body has fought off the high risk HPV. And even if the biopsy shows that there are mild abnormality in the cells, I don’t have to go back for a year. It’s only if they appear severely abnormal that I would go back soon for another test. But again, that is not something my doctor is expecting because of all the normal test results I have had.

I should be getting my biopsy results back in the next few days (things were delayed because of the weekend and holiday). And hopefully next year all my tests will come back normal so I don’t have to do another biopsy. But if I do, at least I know what it’s like now and I don’t need to be scared. And I know that for most people hearing a test result isn’t normal or negative can be scary. I wanted to share my experience so others can know it doesn’t need to be. While I don’t love having random medical things happen to me, I’m glad that I can share on here so hopefully someone else going through it can see what I went through and can stop feeling as scared.

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Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

Posted on August 14, 2018 | Comments Off on Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

My entire life, my eyes have been sensitive to light. When I was a kid and still wore glasses, I had an extreme version of transition lenses. When the light was too bright, my glasses would darken. This was all the time when I was outside and they would sometimes darken a little when I was inside in bright light. They darkened so much that as a kid people would ask my parents if I was blind.

Once I got contact lenses when I was 9, I wore sunglasses outside when it was bright. It could even be too bright for me when it was a cloudy day and I would be wearing sunglasses then. I always have sunglasses on me and have several spare pairs in my car. But even with sunglasses, my eyes are still sensitive to light and sometimes it bothered me.

I didn’t realize it until recently, but I started to squint a lot in bright light. And when I squinted, I furrowed my brow. That was fine for a while, but then it started to cause me some tension headaches. I thought maybe I was overusing the muscle in-between my eyebrows and the headaches were more about the muscle being sore. And the last time I saw my dermatologist, she confirmed that my idea was very likely what was going on with me.

My doctor gave me 2 options to work on fixing this. The cheaper option was a type of medical tape that I would wear on my face to train my face not to squint and furrow my brow. But I would have to wear this tape almost all the time for several weeks and it wasn’t something that I could really hide. The other option was to get Botox. Getting Botox would paralyze the muscle and after a few rounds of injections my face should be trained to not do it anymore.

For me, there was no question. I was going to get Botox. I didn’t want to have to wear tape on my face for weeks and even though I hate needles the injections still seemed like the easier option for me. I discussed with my doctor about if my insurance would cover it. But I would have to have several appointments with a neurologist to approve the injections and those appointments would be more expensive than what going to a medical spa would charge me. So I decided to ask around for recommendations from friends to get it done outside of my insurance coverage.

I have a friend (who I am not going to name because it’s not my business to share what she does) who has been getting Botox for a few sessions already and was going to go back to the medical spa that she goes to for some other injectable procedures. So she offered to call them and see if they could make an appointment at the same time for me to go in. I really liked how her Botox had been done because her face was not frozen at all. I’ve seen bad Botox and I was terrified that mine would be overdone. Even though I was doing this for something other than wrinkles, I wanted a doctor who believed less is more.

Fortunately, that’s exactly the mindset that the doctor my friend goes to has. So last week after work, we headed to Hollywood to go to Skinny Beach Med Spa (they are mainly based in San Diego, but they have a Hollywood office now too).

While I was excited about this because it was going to help with my headaches and I looked at it as an interesting adventure, I was also pretty scared on the drive there. I hate needles and I knew this was a needle. I didn’t want to faint even though it’s been a little while since I’ve fainted with a needle. I didn’t want this to hurt a lot and I didn’t want to have something go wrong and have to wait 4 months for it to wear off before I looked normal again.

When we got to the office and met Dr. Staley, I felt a bit better. He was very calm and said that it should be very simple for me. Based on my research, I read getting your “11” lines (your frown lines) done is usually between 10-20 units. I figured I would be on the higher end of things because it was for headache relief. But Dr. Staley said that I didn’t need that much and it would only be 8 units for me. Also, he told me that he recommended doing Xeomin over Botox. They are very similar but Botox has a protein in it that your body can get used to. So Xeomin is preferred so you don’t need more of it over time to have the same effect.

Originally, I wanted my friend to go first so I could watch her. But that wasn’t the way things were going to go. So I handled my phone to my friend so she could take photos and I sat in the chair. I tried to keep my breathing calm, but my friend said she could see how freaked out I was. Dr. Staley has a little buzzing device that helps to keep the pain from the injection lower and that’s the gold device you see above the needle in the photo.

The entire thing maybe took 10 seconds. I did have a moment where I blacked out a bit (what has been happening with needles but I don’t faint and am normal again quickly), but it was seriously so easy! I warned my friend that I might cry because of how much I hate needles and I think she was shocked that when it was done I was crying a bit. But I was able to calm down quickly and my friend got in the chair for her injections.

I was taking photos of her process being done, but I also couldn’t stop trying to squint and frown to see if I felt a difference. I did notice there was a bit of resistance in my forehead and it was a weird feeling. The full effects of the Xeomin can take up to a week, but even comparing how I looked before to how I looked 1 hour later shows a big difference!

I don’t really care if it gets that much better than how it is now. I didn’t do this for the wrinkle reduction and I have noticed that I’m not getting headaches the way I was getting them before. And hopefully the headaches keep getting better and soon I won’t have them anymore at all. The goal is that after a few sessions of Botox of Xeomin that my face is trained not to do this anymore and I won’t need it after that. From what I’ve read online, that can be between 4-6 sessions and you get them done every 4 months. So for right now, my plan is to go back at the beginning of December for another injection and see how things go.

I never really thought I would ever get Botox or something like it, but I’m so glad I did. There’s nothing wrong with getting it done for wrinkles if that’s what you want to do. That’s not my plan right now, but I’m glad I know what it’s like in case in the future I do want to do that. There is some stigma with getting Botox or other injections and that it makes your face look weird, and I’m glad I found a doctor to do this who believes that people should look natural and I still have so much range in my expressions.

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A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

Posted on August 8, 2018 | Comments Off on A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

It’s been a while since I’ve seen my new therapist. I actually have only had 1 in-person appointment with her when she started treating me. A month after that appointment I had a phone call appointment with her to check-in about my new medication dosage and to discuss any issues. After my phone call, I was supposed to have a video chat with her for my next appointment, but I had to change that. The time I originally set up for that was no longer a time I could be at my computer and when I called in to reschedule I was only given the options to do an in-office appointment or another phone call. I figured it was easier to do a phone call so I went with that.

My call with my therapist was this week and I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect out of it. Since my other phone appointment was more about checking in with the medication, we didn’t discuss much else beyond that. And I’m used to my appointments with my other therapist where medication wasn’t really something we discussed beyond that I was doing ok. I was much more used to discussing everything else in life and getting homework. This new therapist is still new to me and I don’t feel like I know her as well as I knew my old therapist, so I just was trying to stay open-minded and keep plenty of time open for this new phone call.

The first thing my therapist asked me about on the call was how I was doing on my medication. I told her how the adjustment period was much longer than expected but that I was feeling pretty normal now. I do still feel like it is helping me although I wish it helped even more. But I realize that it is just an aid to help in binge eating and not a cure so I still have to do work on my own. But even knowing that, it would be amazing if it was a cure and it would fix everything for me.

After letting her know that I’m doing ok and I think that this is a good dosage for me, my therapist let me know that she was a bit hesitant about things because in her experience most patients don’t have positive results or feel like it helps enough. She kept me on it before because I was on it from my last therapist and just wanted to do what she felt would be an appropriate dosage to have me really see if it helps. I don’t know if she was expecting me to say it’s not helping or I’m not happy, but I’m glad that it does work for me and that she is willing to work with me on things.

We really didn’t discuss too much outside of the medication or my eating disorder. We didn’t discuss any new or old stresses in my life, but I honestly feel like I have been dealing with them in better and healthier ways than I have in the past. Even with the bad things that have happened lately I feel a bit more calm and rational when dealing with them. Or if I don’t feel rational and calm, I’m not as rash to act on them and I usually let it sit until I can deal with them in a better way. I know my medication has nothing to do with this, but it still is a positive change in my life that I’m happy with.

My call with my therapist was very brief and I was surprised by that. I’m sure if I had more to talk about with her I could have had a longer call, but I didn’t feel like that was necessary. I discussed the few things I needed to with her and she feels comfortable with keeping me on my medication and at the dosage I’m at right now. She ordered my next refill for when I need it and will approve the refill after that (those refills will get me through the next 6 months). It’s what I wanted out of the appointment and I’m glad it was very simple to get that.

My next appointment with her will be in 6 months. Because that will be a year after the last time she saw me, it has to be either an in-person appointment or a video chat. It was easier to schedule the video chat, plus it saves me the drive and the parking costs, so I’ll be doing the video chat I was supposed to do this time. That will be my first video chat with my therapist so just like with this call I honestly don’t know what to expect out of it. I’m not worried about what will happen or think that she will think anything is wrong with me, but it’s still a bit of an unknown.

But for now, I’m just happy I got this super quick check-in done and it went well. I wanted to make sure she felt ok with me continuing with my plan and that’s exactly what I got out of it. I know that I’ve done a lot of work on myself outside of therapy and I don’t feel like it’s stuff I need to go into super detail about with my therapist because it is going well. But it’s good to know that I do have someone I trust and feel is really looking out of me if I did need more than what I am getting now or if things take a turn that I’m not ok with.

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