Another Online Class (or I Just Have To Keep Trying)

For a very long time, I have tried to find a way to recover from my eating disorder. I’ve tried lots of different things and nothing has been the fix I have been looking for. But as I have tried more and more, I’ve also realized that there is a chance that nothing will be the perfect solution and I have to probably use multiple tools and skills to get into recovery.

Most things I have tried have benefitted me at least a little. Or even if I found no benefit, I have learned that they aren’t the right thing for me and I don’t have to worry to keep trying it. Sometimes, thinking something might work can be stressful and it’s nice to know that it won’t so I don’t have to waste any brain space on it. And some of the things that I didn’t find super beneficial at first have connected with me at another time and they are helping.

Right now, I’ve got a few things that have been helping me. Those include the medications that I’m taking, the therapy that I do, and some of the books and research that I have continued to read. With my medication, it’s been an interesting journey with having to change things up to figure out the right dosage. I think what I’m taking now is a good dose and I do feel it helps. And there is a chance that I will be adding another medication soon which should help more. But that decision will come in the next month or so. Therapy was much more helpful in the beginning when I was still trying to figure things out. Now that I have a lot of the answers I have been looking for, therapy is a good check-in, but it’s not as mind-blowing as it was before. I don’t have a lot of huge realizations in therapy, but I do hope that I might have some from time to time as I continue to grow.

And the books I have read about recovery have been one of the more helpful things because it has made me feel less alone in this entire thing. Eating disorders can be isolating and I feel like binge eating was even more isolating because it wasn’t understood to be an eating disorder until recently. I have found some online communities that have helped, but I think the books and research I do have made me feel less alone than those communities.

One of the first books I read that connected to me was “Brain Over Binge”. Many people raved about the book and said it helped them recover when nothing else did. I went into reading the book hoping it would do the same for me. While it didn’t, it did bring a lot of insight into my eating disorder and helped me think very differently about it. I read the book a while ago and knew I wanted to read it again, but then I heard about the online course that the author of the book was doing.

I knew she had done other online courses before, but I never really looked too much into it. I knew it was out of my budget at the time so I didn’t focus on what it offered or what it was about. But for some reason, this time I really wanted to see what the course was about and really put some thought into if I could find a way to afford it since I know that finding a way to recover is priceless (as cheesy as that sounds).

Because of some of the changes that were made to the course, it was much cheaper this time than it was before. Its still something that I had to budget for and find where I could not spend money so I could pay for it, but I knew I had to go for it. This is worth it for me to try and I didn’t want to skip an opportunity just because of money.

The course is 8 weeks long and it just started this week. The entire thing is online and there are assignments Monday-Friday. Some of the assignments are worksheets or journal prompts and some are listening to different types of audio coaching. Everything can be downloaded so I can keep the resources forever. I am making sure I download everything because I want to have access to them whenever I need them. I don’t know if this course will connect with me right now, so I want to have the ability to try again later if I need to.

I’ve only done a few lessons so far, but I am enjoying them. Even though a lot of the information is the same I got from reading the book, they are presented in a different way and it feels different. I’m trying to not have too much pressure with myself to make this course be the thing that gets me to a place of recovery, but I do have a lot of optimism that it will help at least a little and maybe more than anything else I have tried before.

Like I said, I have realized that recovery is going to require multiple tools and skills and every time I add another one it can only be a good thing. Of course I want this to work perfectly and be everything I need, but I am looking at it as another option and tool I can use when it feels right. And if I can have a tool or skill to use for anything that may come my way, that’s going to help me win this battle no matter what.

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