Category Archives: Tough Stuff

Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)

Posted on June 5, 2015 | Comments Off

Lately I’ve been writing about some struggles I’m been having. I’m writing about them for a couple of reasons. One is that sometimes I don’t have much to say and sharing the struggles is something that can be shared. The other is that I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can on this blog. I don’t want to hide things or only show the good parts of my life. So many people do that on social media and it really doesn’t do anyone any good. Everyone goes through rough times and it’s only fair to show the good and the bad in your life if you are sharing it publicly.

But through me sharing my struggles on here, even at the beginning of my blog, I’ve gotten so much support. It shocked me then and it still shocks me now. Even though I know that I’m loved and cared about, having support is always unexpected and very much appreciated.

I’ve gotten so much support lately from so many people. A lot of people have helped me deal with my grandpa’s death. I’m still struggling with this because I haven’t really felt too sad about it and that makes me feel like a horrible person. But my grandpa and I have had a very complicated relationship and I think that I’m just trying to work through that.

I had so much support over the years about my mom’s cancer. The support was so wonderful when I got it and while I wish that nobody else has to go through cancer, I’m glad that I’m now able to repay the favor and give other support.

But the support that I’ve gotten for my eating disorder really has been the best. I’ve dealt with a couple of haters and rude comments in the past on here, but I just delete those. I know that I will probably always have one or two random people who believe that I’m talking about my eating disorder on here as a way to get attention or to hope that my blog post goes viral (both things I’ve been accused of in the past). But I do it for me and if someone else gets something out of it, then that’s awesome.

Every bit of support that I’ve gotten has helped me so much in my journey. I really wonder where I would be today if I didn’t have the support that I get virtually or in person. I’m such a happier and more productive person now than I was before. And every single one of you who reads this has been a part of the change in my life.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me in my good times and bad times (that totally sounds like wedding vows), thank you for cheering me on in person at races or at the gym, and thank you for inspiring me to be a better person.

I got tagged in this photo the other day by a friend of mine, and I think it perfectly expresses how I should feel about the journey I’ve been on so far, even with my setbacks. And you all remind me of this whenever I have a tough day.

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged binge eating, cancer, death, eating disorder, journey, thank you, thankful, weight loss

Trying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track)

Posted on June 4, 2015 | 1 comment

Why does it seem like whenever I make progress, something comes that sets me back?

Once again, my weight loss progress has stalled. And I know it’s my fault. I’m not doing so great with my food (again).

I tried to go back to my cleanse plan, but my body wasn’t happy with that. I was getting nauseous and dizzy throughout the day, especially during workouts. And those symptoms would last for an extended period of time where I didn’t feel safe driving or sometimes even walking (I ran into several doors in my house and got lots of bruises). So I tried to just say with a good “normal” diet plan with trying to stay in my calories each day.

It’s just not working. I’m finding that I’m screwing up almost on a daily basis. It’s not as bad as it’s been in the past, so that is some progress. But these little slip ups do add up and they really are effecting my weight loss.

The one thing I will say is that no matter how bad I feel after eating “bad” foods, I’m still going in for my workouts. In the past, if I had a binge episode I would spend the next day or so recovering from it. And that recovery usually meant laying in bed or the couch waiting for my body to stop hurting. But now, even if I’m hurting or feel sick I still work out. I might not work out as hard as I know I could, but something is better than nothing.

And with this setback with my food, I’m also having a problem for the first time with water intake. I’ve always been someone who drinks too much water. In fact, I’ve had to monitor my water to not drink too much (that can cause issues). I’m still getting in close to 100oz of water every day, but that’s less than I’d like to drink. I’d rather be closer to 125oz.

I just bought a new water glass for my house online and it should be delivered in the next week or two. This one is a 24oz tumbler that is double-walled so I can have it next to my computer while I’m working and I don’t have to worry about the water sweat. Hopefully that will help me get more water in while I’m working (that’s been one of the toughest times for me to hydrate).

Even though I’m having these setbacks, acknowledging them is a major step. And stopping my bad habits before I get back to my before weight is progress too. The water issue seems easier for me to fix than the food one. But I’m really hoping that I can slowly get back on track soon.

Maybe all these setbacks and needing to get back on track moments aren’t really setbacks. Maybe this is just what “normal” eating is like. I’ve never really experienced that so it is a foreign thing for me to deal with.

1 Comment

Posted in Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged binge, binge eating, eating disorder, food, progress, setback

Some Progress and Some Setbacks (or Trying To Set New Workout Goals)

Posted on June 1, 2015 | Comments Off

I thought that this past week of workouts were pretty successful at first. While I only did 3 workouts, I worked really hard at them and even though I wasn’t able to increase my weights or my treadmill speeds yet, I’m feeling like I’m getting close.

Again, this week was a lot of rowing, but I’m happy with that because I feel like I’m making significant progress in my rowing. We had 100 meter sprints this week on Friday. I was able to do them in 22 seconds. I was super proud of myself until I looked at my list of workout records I saved on my phone.

While I thought that 22 seconds was fast, my record is 19 seconds. Those 3 seconds aren’t much of a difference, but that record was set several months ago. I’m disappointed in myself that I haven’t improved my rowing speed at all. My form is getting a bit better, but with that I would have expected that speed would follow.

I’m really trying not to get too down about this. That record was set when we had the Monday Challenges. So I had already cooled down before doing my row. This time, my row was in the middle of the workout and my heart rate was already pretty high before doing the sprint. So comparing a middle of the workout record against a post-cool down record might not be too fair for me.

I’m really trying to make as much progress as I can each week. It’s tough not to feel like I’ve plateaued when I haven’t been able to increase my weights or treadmill speed lately. But I know that the progress will come eventually and it’s just a matter of time before I’m ready to move to the next level. And while my rowing progress has been backwards lately, that doesn’t mean that it won’t be progressing the correct way again soon.

Beyond my disappointment with my rowing speeds, this week was very successful for me. Monday’s workout was a 3G workout because of the holiday. That means that there were 3 groups in the class instead of 2 and we rotated around the room more often than usual. Personally, I like the 3G classes, but since I don’t work out doing peak times I rarely get to take them. I like switching things up more often in the class because I can’t focus on how tired I am.

The other thing that was really cool on Monday was that my coach, Brendon, was on American Ninja Warrior that night.

I had wanted to go and watch it live when it recorded a few months ago, but it was on a Friday evening and I had to work early on Saturday morning. But it was great to get to see what he was able to get done!

It really inspires me that Brendon decided to challenge himself and do the show. I’ve always thought of the coaches as people who are what I hope to be as an “after”. But Brendon proved that no matter what, you can always find something else to challenge yourself and try to better yourself with.

My other two workouts were on Wednesday and Friday (no 4 workout week this week for me). Friday was my first day with a new batch of painkillers and I’m not sure if the workout or the new painkillers made me hurt more than usual, but either way I was in a lot of pain on Friday evening. I took it easy and continued to take some painkillers on Saturday as well.

I’m not sure why I’m so focused on the setbacks this week. Maybe it’s because the challenge of working out regularly is no longer a challenge for me. This is a habit now and I’m able to focus more on the little things that annoy me versus struggling to work out enough times in the week.

But as always, I’m trying to focus on the positive and know that even if I’m progressed backwards I’m still doing better than I would be doing if I wasn’t working out at all.

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged challenge, fitness, Orangetheory, progress, setback, workout

Feeling Like Something’s Missing (or Getting Sad In The Greeting Card Aisle)

Posted on May 29, 2015 | Comments Off

Today would have been my grandpa’s 93rd birthday. It’s the first holiday/event that would have celebrated him since he passed away (Mother’s Day doesn’t count).

I’ve been lucky that I’ve only lost a few people in my life, but the first time that I have to skip over buying them a card for something I would have celebrated in the past has always been the toughest for me. I have even forgotten that people have passed away and have bought them cards and didn’t realize the mistake until after I got home.

My calendar alerts me to all birthdays/anniversaries/holidays 2 weeks in advance so I have time to get a card and mail it out. I can’t seem to delete events of people who have passed away. I still get a reminder for Keri’s birthday (I also could never forget it since it’s the day between my cousin’s birthday and my birthday). It breaks my heart a little bit having that reminder come up, but I can’t seem to get rid of it. I don’t get rid of phone numbers or emails either. Somehow that doesn’t seem right to do.

It feels so weird to not be on the lookout for the perfect birthday card for my grandpa. Getting cards for him were always a bit of a challenge. My grandma is easy (anything with butterflies), but my grandpa wasn’t a fan of sappy cards. I’d try to find one with a dirty joke because that was more his style.

And with my grandpa’s birthday so close to Father’s Day, I usually make one trip to the store to get his birthday card and Father’s Day cards for him and my dad. This time, instead of getting 3 cards I’m only getting 1.

I’ve wondered why my grandpa’s death hasn’t felt real for me. It’s weird. Even after my mom called to tell me and other family members started to call or post things on Facebook, I wondered if it was a big mistake (I felt the same way when my mom told me she had cancer). Seeing my grandma in the apartment alone or now in her new apartment didn’t make it seem real either. It almost feels like he was out doing an errand or at the hospital or something. I do sometimes do a double take when I see things that belonged to my grandparents in my house. It feels weird having those items here when they have always belonged to them (and I can picture exactly where they were in both their old house and recent apartment).

But not getting the cards that I have gotten for forever really make me realize that he’s gone and that I don’t have to buy his cards anymore. I’m not necessarily sad. I am sad for the loss my family has had, you can only admire how full of a life he lived. I hope that I can get to 92. I think grief and loss for me is not as much being sad as it is trying to think about all of the positives and trying to do things that I know would make that person happy.

So tonight after my workout, I plan on having a martini with a blue cheese olive (using the martini swords) and doing a toast to my grandpa and to the other people who I have loved and lost.

Cheers to you Grandpa.

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Posted in Family, Tough Stuff

Tagged birthday, death, drinks, grandparents

Productive One Way And Slacking In Another (or Working On Finding Time)

Posted on May 28, 2015 | Comments Off

Ok, I might have been over-scheduling myself lately.

Only a few weeks ago I was trying to find ways to fill time in my life. I only had one main day job and I was hoping to find something to do while doing my job to keep me busy between customers. And I wasn’t doing as much as I wanted toward my acting career.

Then I got a new day job and found a wonderful online acting class. And sadly, I think I took too much on at one time.

Obviously, the priorities in my life are work and my health. So I need to make sure I work all the hours I need to each day. That’s pretty easy for my box office job since I’ve been doing that for almost a year now and they are set hours (although occasionally I work early hours to make up for hours I might miss due to auditions or other conflicts).

The new day job is much more fluid in terms of when I work. I’m supposed to mainly work during standard business hours, but that’s not necessary because much of the work I’m researching is online. And I’m getting ok with working both jobs at once. It’s not easy, but I’m finding ways to work between 3-4 hours each day during a 5 hour shift at my day job.

And I think it’s pretty obvious by my weekly workout posts that I’m not having trouble fitting in my 3-4 workouts each week. I schedule them up to a month in advance and having them on my calendar (and having friends in my class who I look forward to seeing each time) has helped make workouts a habit and not a chore.

But with all that productivity, my online acting class has slipped. As I’m typing this post, I’ve only completed the first class. That’s exactly what I had done last week when I blogged about it. My plan was to try to watch a class each night. But on nights that I work out, by the time I’m home and showered all I want to do is read or watch tv for a bit before bed. And on days I’m not working out, I’ve been scheduling lots of things to do.

I know that I need to schedule this class the way I schedule work and my workouts. I need to find a good time a few times a week that I can set aside about an hour to watch the class and work on the homework.

The problem is finding consistent time available. Maybe I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself because I want to keep up with everyone who started the same time I did. Dustin Hoffman will be doing office hours and critiques of online scene reads soon and if I was on schedule with the class I would have those ready for the due date. But where I am right now, I’m not. And I don’t want to rush doing them because hopefully there will be another office hours/critique time in the future and I’ll have more time to prepare and make sure that I submit the best video I can.

Adding so much to my schedule at one time is very overwhelming for me. It’s not the amount of hours it requires, it’s just changing my schedule so much at one time when it’s been like the way it was for almost a year. It’s almost like when I was on temporary unemployment at my old box office job. It took a week or two to adjust to the change in schedule.

For now, I’m hoping to find time once or twice a week to work on the online class. If I don’t do that, I’m not going to be so tough on myself. Yes, it would be best if I could do the class sooner rather than later. But if I do it this month or next month won’t make or break my career. And hopefully within a week or so the 2 day job life will feel like normal and I’ll find that hour or so each day where I can focus on the class.

I have to just keep reminding myself that this class (like life, fitness, my weight loss journey, and recovery from my eating disorder) is a marathon and not a sprint. Eventually I will complete it and I will be proud of myself for sticking with it and following through.

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff, Work

Tagged acting, busy, job, scheduling, work

San Diego Beach Lunch (or Having Some Of My Grandparents’ Things In My House)

Posted on May 20, 2015 | 1 comment

I hadn’t seen my grandma in a few weeks, so I knew it was time to get back down to San Diego to see her. Also, my grandma is downsizing to a smaller apartment in the community that she and my grandpa moved to about 3 years ago so I’m inheriting some things that won’t fit in the new apartment. I already have my mattress and my parents brought me a few things, but there was a box that didn’t fit into my parents’ car as well as some other things that my parents wanted me to look at.

So I decided to head down to San Diego on Sunday to visit with my grandma as well as get the things that were waiting for me there.

I was pretty lucky and made it down to San Diego in just under 2 hours, so I was at my grandma’s place a bit earlier than I planned. The plan for the day was for my grandma, my Aunt Nancy, and I to go to lunch and then my aunt and I would go to the old apartment on our own. Shortly after I arrived, my aunt got there and we headed in the car to go to lunch.

We went to Poseidon in Del Mar which was right on the beach. There was a bit of a wait for a table, so we sat outside and enjoyed the beach from the sidewalk (I didn’t want to get sandy).

After about 15 minutes, a table on the patio was ready for us. It wasn’t right at the edge overlooking the beach, but we could still see the beach and water from our table.

Lunch was pretty good. We had a long wait for our meal. It took them over an hour to bring our food to us and tables who were seated 15 or 20 minutes after us got their food first, but they were very apologetic about it and comped one of the entrees. I had gotten so hungry that when they brought my sandwich I started eating it right away without taking a photo (sorry). But I had a very nice turkey sandwich.

When we got back to my grandma’s apartment, I said goodbye to my grandma and my aunt and I headed back to the old apartment. My Aunt Cindy had warned me that I might be upset because the apartment looked empty and weird, but shockingly it didn’t bother me. I think I had prepared myself for it to look worse, so it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be.

The box that my parents had left for me was there and my aunt asked me to go around the apartment to see if there was anything else that I wanted to keep. All the stuff that was left in the apartment was going to be donated to charity, so I could take whatever I wanted.

It felt a little weird and almost like stealing from my grandparents, but I knew that if I didn’t take stuff, nobody in my family would have it. So I found a couple of things that I wanted like a purse, some quartz bookends, a lucite vanity chair, napkin rings, and a vase. And my aunt had found my grandparents’ copy of my parents’ wedding album along with their wedding invitation so I got that as well.

I also had brought my gardening shears and a plastic bag for a specific project. My grandparents had some amazing succulent plants on their balcony and because the planters they were in were so heavy, they were just going to be thrown out. But if you cut a succulent and let it dry a little, you can plant it and it will grow. So I cut a bunch of pieces and will be planting half for me and half for my parents.

By then, it was after 3pm and I wanted to head home. So we got a luggage cart from the concierge at the building and I brought down the things I was bringing home.

My drive home was a bit longer than my drive down, but it was still uneventful. And as soon as I got home I unpacked the box that my parents had packed and sealed for me. There were a couple of things that I knew they were giving me (like new sheets and some of my grandparents’ serving platters), but there was one thing that was so special to me.

I’ve mentioned my grandpa’s love of martinis and how he got me to love martinis as well. And a few years ago I got him hooked on blue cheese olives. My grandpa always used these really cool swords to keep his olives in his martinis and I always thought that that was the most amazing thing. So when my parents had asked me if there was anything from my grandparents’ apartment that I wanted that my grandma wasn’t taking to her new apartment, the only thing I could think of was those swords. Those were in the sealed box along with the last jar of olives from the case that I brought my grandpa last year.

Those swords are so special to me. I have them on display in my dining room now and they make me smile when I walk past them. While I’ve gotten lots of cool stuff from my grandparents’ old apartment, those swords are the most sentimental to me.

I’m still finding places for some of the other things that I brought back with me, but I’m so grateful that I have things that remind me of my grandparents in my house now. I don’t get to see my grandma as often as I’d like (the 4 hour round trip makes it tough to do too many day trips), but having some of their things in my house makes me feel closer to my grandma and helps me not miss her as much.

1 Comment

Posted in Family, Food, Tough Stuff

Tagged beach, drinks, grandparents, home, lunch, San Diego

Feeling So Much Love (or Embarrassed By People Complimenting Me)

Posted on May 15, 2015 | 1 comment

On Monday after my workout, I posted the following photo.

I took it because during my workout I realized that I did a horrible job of taking of my mascara from the night before and thought it was pretty bad that I had mascara smudges and sweat marks on my face. I’m usually much better about removing makeup pre-workout. I was also pretty proud of the workout I had just done, but I’ll share more about that in my Monday post where I recap my workout week.

Right after I shared that picture online, I started to get lot of really sweet comments from friends of mine. Some shared them publicly and some shared them in a private message. But they were all pretty positive and made me feel pretty great.

Then that evening, I shared this photo online.

I was celebrating having my new mattress in my house. It was a crazy morning having it delivered and the first time I got to lay down on the mattress was at bedtime. It felt like a hotel mattress and I felt so spoiled. So that’s why I shared that picture (also to thank my parents and Grandma for letting me have the mattress). I really didn’t think much about it when I posted it.

Again, I got lots of positive comments on the photos.

I love all the love that I got from everyone, but sometimes I feel like a fraud when people tell me that they are inspired by me or how they are so proud with how well I’ve been doing. I question if I deserve that positivity or if I’m not sharing my true self online (I hate when people only share the good of their lives and not the good, bad, and ugly).

I’m still struggling every day with my eating disorder. In fact, I feel like I’m struggling more than before because I feel like the Vyvanse should be doing more than it is. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong that is making the medication not effective for me. I wonder why I can’t have it work for me the way that the drug tests claim that it worked. Because of this, I’m harder on myself every time that I have an episode.

Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve people to be inspired by me or proud of me. People should be looking up to people who have conquered their struggles, not are in the battle with them.

And I’m sure I’m being too hard on myself. I know that I look up to people who are public with their struggles. But I usually look at them as someone who is done with the struggle, not in the middle of it.

But maybe I do need to look at myself the way that others look at me. I should be proud of myself for working out 3-4 times a week (a lot of people don’t do that), for continuing to battle my eating disorder (and not just give into it), and for just trying to do everything I try to do.

I’m going to work on seeing myself the way that my friends do. Using them as the mirror to see myself in and hopefully not being as hard on myself in the future.

1 Comment

Posted in Fitness, Food, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged binge eating, eating disorder, friends, photos, positivity, tough

Surviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds)

Posted on May 5, 2015 | 2 comments

Yesterday I had a cleaning at the dentist. For most people, a cleaning isn’t a big deal. But as I’ve said before, I have horrible panic attacks at the dentist due to a bad experience several years ago.

Normally, I take my panic meds and things go as well as they can. I still have issues, even at cleanings. But it’s more manageable and I’m able to move on to my day quickly after leaving the dentist (in the past, I’d need hours to decompress from it and get the stress out of my body). I’ve been taking my panic meds at the dentist for years and it has made such a huge difference.

But now that I’m on Vyvanse, things are very different. Vyvanse is a stimulant and my panic meds are a depressant. Those counterbalance each other out. I’ve been warned to not take any depressant meds while on Vyvanse since it is almost like wasting the Vyvanse for that day. So I’ve been off of my strong painkillers since starting it (since those are depressants). But I could not imagine going to the dentist without my panic meds so I figured that it was in my best interest to take them and hope for the best.

I stood outside of the dentist’s door for minutes while I tried to get my heart rate under control. I have no clue if the racing heart rate was due to the stimulant of Vyvanse of my panic.

When I finally got inside, I did warn the dental hygienist about the situation. She hasn’t really ever seen how bad it can get because the entire time she’s been my hygienist, I’ve taken my meds before any dental procedures.

It was not an easy cleaning to get through. I was sweating like crazy (thank goodness I was wearing quick-dry workout clothes) and I couldn’t stop shaking. The shaking was so bad that the chair was shaking underneath me. Fortunately, that didn’t affect the cleaning and my hygienist was able to get through things quickly.

She even said that I didn’t seem any worse than I usually do. So that’s reassuring.

There is no question in my mind that the Vyvanse makes my panic meds less effective. I’m sure that the panic meds also make the Vyvanse less effective. But since I don’t think that medication is being that effective to begin with, I didn’t really feel a difference. Knowing that my panic meds are as effective does make me a bit nervous. I’m not as stressed out for known panic situations (like the dentist or flying), but I’m worried how things will be when I have an unexpected and severe panic attack.

I haven’t had a severe panic attack since starting the Vyvanse and I hope that it stays that way. I don’t want to know what it will be like with a severe panic attack. But if one happens, I guess I will just have to get through it.

But at least for now, I know that I can get through the dentist. It isn’t easy, but it’s possible.

2 Comments

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged binge eating, dentist, eating disorder, medication, panic, panic attack

Working Out Burnt (or No Excuses)

Posted on May 4, 2015 | 1 comment

With having a killer sunburn this week, my workouts weren’t going to be easy. Not only was my skin hurting, I was exhausted from not sleeping well and once the peeling started my skin was getting really bad.

But I wasn’t going to let a little (or big) sunburn stop me from doing my 3 workouts this week.

On Monday, I really didn’t realize how bad a workout was going to be. In the past, I would have looked at a sunburn like this as a reason to take it easy for the week. To be honest, I doubt I’ve ever really worked out with a sunburn (I’ve never really had a regular workout routine until I started at Orangetheory).

I went into my Monday workout thinking that I could do everything like normal. I then discovered that sweat on my sunburned skin felt like acid. And I couldn’t wipe my sweat like normal with my towel because wiping my skin hurt too much. So I turned the fan on my treadmill on high and took breaks to dab the sweat from my skin (I felt really dainty doing that).

The only weights that caused me issues were upper body movement where I was working my chest, shoulders, or back. Basically any part of my body that was burnt. I went down on my weights a bit for those movements but for regular arm movements I went back up to my usual weight.

I discovered after my Monday workout that I needed to take better care of my skin both in general and before workouts. I was already putting coconut oil on my skin to help moisturize my skin as well as dabbing vinegar on at night to help with the stinging. But after my Monday workout, I realized that I needed something on my skin right before a workout to protect my skin from my sweat.

So I started to do a layer of aloe vera followed by a layer of coconut oil. That seemed to make a nice barrier on my skin for me to protect myself from sweat (seriously, why does sweat hurt so much on sunburned skin?).

Wednesday was much easier on me. My skin wasn’t hurting nearly as bad and it was looking much better (so nobody was commenting on how much it must be hurting me). I was able to get back to my usual weights for my shoulders, back, and chest but I definitely struggled with them. Not sure if the struggle was due to lack of strength or the sunburn, but I pushed through.

Friday was much more like normal. The only weird thing was that my heart rate was staying pretty low. I was struggling to get it up to the orange zone but I managed to get it up enough to get the 12 minutes that we are supposed to do. I’m not sure why my heart rate has been much lower than usual, but having to push more to get it in the right zone isn’t a bad thing.

Now, I’m finally almost recovered from the sunburn. So hopefully this week of workouts will be with only hip pain and not skin pain. And I now know that even with a pretty nasty sunburn I can still get through workouts. It makes me think about all the excuses I’ve used in the past when I wasn’t feeling well to not go and work out. I really should have just gone and done my best. It’s better than nothing.

1 Comment

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged Orangetheory, pain, struggle, workout

Getting My Butt In Gear (or Missing Out On Fun Stuff To Work)

Posted on May 1, 2015 | Comments Off

I wrote recently about how I needed to get back into the job hunt more seriously. It’s never easy to find day jobs (or additional day jobs), but it is a necessary evil of life.

My unemployment ended recently. And even though I was only getting about $90 a week from it, that money really did help me out. And while I could reapply for unemployment, I don’t think I earned enough W2 money recently to qualify for enough unemployment to get money after taking in consideration how much I make at my at home box office job. I also don’t want to have to keep depending on unemployment.

After my WIF meeting, I was really feeling motivated. I had to really plan time every day to apply for new jobs and to expand what my job searches were like.

In the past, I really just tried to find data entry/virtual assistant type work that I could do in-between my clients at my current job. I like my hours and was hoping to keep my work hours similar to what they are like now.

But I’ve now expanded my search to include evening and weekend work. This might mean that I would end up working 50-60 hours in a week when you add up the time between the two jobs. While this isn’t what I want, this might be what I need.

And since I’m getting serious about looking for a job, I’m starting to turn down social events in order to spend that time job searching. I was supposed to go to a really fun event by AJ, who hosts the podcast I work for, this week. I had been looking forward to it because AJ was in town and wouldn’t really have other time to hang out. But because of other things, the only time I could dedicate to job hunting would be during the event.

I had to let him know that I couldn’t go, and while it made me pretty mad about the situation, I did manage to find 7 day jobs that would be perfect for me and sent my cover letter and resume to all of them. So the missed event was worth it for my job hunt.

I’m probably going to have to miss another event tonight that I wanted to go to because I need to spend more time searching and applying for more jobs and I already have a busy afternoon with work and then my workout.

Even with canceling a couple of events, I’m still living a very social life. I just have to keep reminding myself that I need to pick and choose what I go to and that missing these events will benefit me in the long run. And once I get another day job, I’ll have more money to go to better social events.

Let’s just hope that this job hunt ends soon (and successfully)!

Comments Off on Getting My Butt In Gear (or Missing Out On Fun Stuff To Work)

Posted in Acting, Tough Stuff, Work

Tagged job, podcast, social, unemployment

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