Category Archives: Tough Stuff

Workout Failure (or I Tried My Best)

Posted on October 5, 2015 | 1 comment

I was nervous when I wrote about my last workout recap because I knew I was scheduled to work out 3 days in a row last week due to my upcoming crazy schedule. I’ve done 3 workouts in a row before, and they have never been easy. I don’t want to have to do those regularly but it’s always good to challenge myself.

Before I talk about what happened, I’ll talk about my Monday workout. The treadmill is still going well for me. I’m not ready to push myself with speed on the push or all out paces, but I’m getting close. And the fact that my base pace is almost what it used to be is still making me so happy. I’ve got about a month to go before my 5K and that is motivating me every time I have to get on the treadmill (it’s still not my favorite thing to do).

My strength section went fine. It wasn’t anything fabulous, but I did it and I pushed myself to fatigue as often as I could. I don’t like to do that (even though I know it’s good for me) because when I get fatigued, my form gets sloppy and I can hurt myself. I’m not sure how to push to fatigue safely, but that’s something that I’d like to look into more.

Monday after my workout was my epic doctor afternoon. I know that you can sometimes feel off after a flu shot (and my arm can hurt from those and tetanus shots) so I was prepared to have a bit of an off workout on Tuesday afternoon.

At about 1am on Tuesday morning, I woke up in a disgusting sweat, my head was foggy, and my body ached like there was something punching me constantly. I managed to be able to take my temperature after a bit and discovered that I was running a really high fever. I know that you can’t get the flu from the flu shot, but there is a slim chance that you can have a bad reaction to it which includes fever, sweats, aches, and other flu-like symptoms.

I decided to call this “fake flu”.

I posted online about my fake flu and some friends shared with me that it can last a day or two. Obviously, with my fever and horrible sweats there was no way I could go to my workout. I had to late cancel that class and I ended up napping for 4 hours after work and then going to bed an hour after that.

I still had hopes that I could go to Wednesday’s class, but I spend another night with a high fever, sweats, and the rest of it. So no Wednesday class for me.

I ended up pretty much recovering from fake flu by Wednesday night (I feel totally better now), but 2 of my 3 workouts of the week were not going to happen. With my schedule for the SAG-AFTRA Convention no class times would work for me again until Monday (trust me, I checked even for the earliest class time on Thursday and Friday and that would have made me late for Convention).

This is the first time since I started going regularly to Orangetheory over a year ago that I didn’t get at least 3 workouts in during the week. I wish I could say that I was fine with that, but I wasn’t. I was really mad. I wished that I had not gotten the flu shot then and had waiting for a Friday sometime when I could spend 2 days being sick without missing a workout. I wished that this had happened any other week where I could have made up the classes on other days in the week. And I’m hoping that this set back won’t prevent me from meeting my workout goal for the year.

I knew that one day something like this was bound to happen. I honestly thought it would be whenever I get my next hip surgery since that might take me between 6 weeks and 6 months (depending on which surgery I go with) to recover. I’ve worked out sick before, but this fake flu was different from anything else I have had before. It happens to everyone. It’s not the end of the world (even if it feels like that a bit).

I just have to be thankful that this week I should be able to do my 3 workouts and hopefully I can make up some extra workouts in the coming months so I can still meet my year goal.

1 Comment

Posted in Fitness, Tough Stuff

Tagged fitness, Orangetheory, setback, sick, workout

A Full Doctor Afternoon (or Pain and More Pain)

Posted on October 1, 2015 | 1 comment

I’m trying to be a good health advocate for myself. I take the medicines I need to take on a regular schedule (I have an app that helps me with that), I go to all of my annual doctors appointments, and I follow all of the recommendations that I can that my doctors make.

Sometimes, these recommendations aren’t fun, but I still try to do them anyway. And this past Monday, I did a bunch of not so fun doctor things all in one day.

First up was my mammogram. While my mom’s geneticist recommended a baseline mammogram (which I did last year) and then start annual ones when I’m 40, my hospital had the recommendation to do annual ones starting now. The one I did last year was pretty painful, so this year I took a painkiller before going in.

Because of a patient issue, the hospital was running about an hour behind, so I had a long wait in the waiting room. There were a lot of other women waiting too, and we all started talking. We had a pretty nice chat and soon enough it was my turn to go in.

The mammogram was still painful (the technician told me that it’s likely that it will always be this painful for me or possibly get worse in the future), but it was over pretty quickly. And fortunately, I’ve already gotten an email from my doctor that I had normal results.

After the mammogram, I moved over to the medical offices next door for my next painful doctor recommendation.

Immunizations.

I knew I needed a flu shot since I get them each year. But I usually can get the nasal spray vaccine from either the medical offices or one of my jobs. I hate needles, so the nasal spray vaccine is a great option for me. But this year, nobody seems to have the nasa spray. So if I wanted to get a vaccine, it would have to be one with a needle.

I also needed my tetanus booster. My last tetanus shot was less than 10 years ago, but there are some discrepancies in my medical record on what shot I got (with whooping cough or without) so it was recommended that I get a booster shot earlier than necessary to make sure I’m covered.

I’m happy to announce that I didn’t faint with the shots. I did start to black out, but I never completely passed out. The shots weren’t fun, but I got them done quickly.

The only bad thing that happened was it turns out that I’m the rare case who gets pretty significant flu-like symptoms after the flu shot. The night I got my flu shot, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating like crazy and with a really high fever. The entire day after the flu shot I was like a zombie. I barely could stay awake during work.

But I was able to nap after work from 3-7pm and then went to bed at 9pm and slept until 7am the next morning. All that sleep did help, but I’m still feeling a bit off. I’m sure in a day or two I’ll be totally better, but it still wasn’t fun to feel so out of it for a few days.

Even with the flu shot making me sick, it’s totally worth getting the vaccination. What I dealt with is way less severe than the real flu.

And at least I don’t have to do any more shots or mammograms (hopefully) for another year.

1 Comment

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged breast cancer, doctor, mammogram, sick

Trying To Go With The Flow (or Staying Calm And Remembering To Breathe)

Posted on September 25, 2015 | 1 comment

I hate when I have a bad day. Obviously, everyone hates bad days, but I feel like my bad days take it to an epic new level. And when that happens, I get sucked into how bad it is and feel like I can’t dig out of the hole of awfulness.

This past Tuesday was one of those epically bad days. It didn’t start off too bad. Work got off to a good start, but then it just took a direct downhill turn. The majority of my shift I felt pretty horrible and really debated if I want to stay at my job anymore or if it’s time for me to move on. To be honest, I’m still debating this issue. I don’t really get time off at my job and when I have taken time off it’s made me feel guilty because my co-workers have to cover my share of the work. There are more and more things and opportunities that I’d love to do, but they happen during my work time. I have no intention of leaving my job anytime soon, but I’m also not going to ignore options that come my way.

The worst part of my work shift that day was the last customer I had to work with. It wasn’t the customer’s fault at all. They needed a confirmation resent to them, but it didn’t appear that the type of order they placed could have been done. I got this customer the last minute of my shift and I ended up working 30 minutes after closing trying to figure out their situation. One of my co-workers stayed on too and was a huge help, but we still had to manually search through every city that our show runs in and never found their order (it ended up being an error on the location’s side so there was no way we could have helped the customer).

After working 30 minutes late, I was late for my next thing which was a meeting with my therapist. It was a pretty standard check in appointment and we’ve decided to continue on the dosage of Vyvanse that I’m currently on. He re-wrote my prescription and I was on my way.

Once I got to the hospital to get my refill, I found out that my doctor forgot to write today’s date on the refill order (since it’s a controlled medication, I need to have a handwritten refill request every time). I wish I could have just gone outside and added the date or shown them the bill from seeing my therapist, but they needed an entirely new refill request.

Of course, because of traffic, there was no way I could drive all the way back to my therapist to get another form. So I called and asked if one could be ready for me to pick up another time. I did manage to go at 7am yesterday and got the new form, but now they are out of the medication at the hospital and it will take at least 4 days before I can get my medication (I’ll run out before then).

After that day, I was ready to just sit and home and be in a funk. And that’s exactly what I did. I felt like nothing was going to go right with my day so I didn’t want to bother. And fortunately, I didn’t have anything else that was urgent to do that day, so I could indulge in my bad mood.

I’m lucky that it seems like these epically bad days only last one day (except for the fact that yesterday they ran out of my prescription at the hospital and I can’t get it refilled for a few days). I’m totally in a better mood now. I wish that I could control how I deal with bad days better, but I don’t think that I handle them horribly. I just want to be able to get out of the funk prior to going to bed for the night.

1 Comment

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff, Work

Tagged doctor, job, medication, work

Going Out While Exhausted (or The Opposite Of Fear Of Missing Out)

Posted on September 18, 2015 | Comments Off

After all of the ENMNCon excitement, I was hoping to have a bit of a lazy week the next week. Sadly, that wasn’t going to be the case for me. Of course I knew I’d have work to catch up on and errands to do (those few days of ENMNCon seemed to take up my entire time so I didn’t do a lot of housework), but I was hoping to keep my evenings as free as possible.

I knew that there was an event that the podcast I work for was co-sponsoring on Monday evening and I had it on my calendar for a while. And I figured that somehow I wouldn’t be exhausted that evening to attend so I told everyone I would be there.

Of course, Monday comes around and the day is just beyond full for me. I was exhausted from the weekend, I had a workout in the morning, and then a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon. I had every intention of going to the party, but I didn’t think I was going to make it.

After a team phone call with everyone from the podcast (we have those every other week) I realized that everyone else was going to be there and I should try too.

I got out of my junky clothes (I don’t care to dress up to go to the doctor so I wore workout clothes) and put on some jeans and a cute top. I also tried my best to do some makeup and make my hair look better and then headed out the door.

The event was in Chinatown, so it wasn’t too far of a drive for me. I was a bit lost because the venue was on a pedestrian only street and wasn’t sure at first where to park, but I managed to find a meter (it was free at night!) and headed inside.

As soon as I got in, I knew that this was going to be a quick appearance for me. The noise and lights were bothering me and I was so tired that I wasn’t feeling very social.

I saw a bunch of my friends and managed to say hi to them all, but after about 30 minutes I was getting ready to go. Of course, I stayed long enough to be in an awesome photo with the entire podcast team!

As soon as we took the photo, I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed back home. Before I knew it, I was in my pjs on my couch catching up on my DVR (there were a lot of shows I hadn’t had a chance to watch).

I’ve written before about fear of missing out and I was scared that if I hadn’t gone to this party that I would feel that way. But I almost had the opposite reaction. I am glad that I went and said hi to my friends, but I almost regretted spending that time driving there when I knew I wasn’t going to be all in for the event.

It’s hard to say no to social obligations. And because I had told people for a while that I’d be going, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. But I know that if I hadn’t been there and had explained that I was exhausted from a 3 day conference that people would have totally understood. But I also don’t want to let people down. It’s a struggle of balancing obligations and needs that I need to work out.

And I know that I’m going to have to focus on that struggle a lot over the next few weeks. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and there are weeks that I’m getting very close to overbooked. I’m going to take some time between things this weekend and take a good look at my schedule. I’m going to have to decline some things that I’ve wanted to go to in order to keep myself sane. I have to focus on what’s most important in my life right now (I’m thinking day jobs, workouts, and doctors appointments) and then add in what else I can when it fits.

Hopefully that focus will allow me to stay rested and at my best self over these next few crazy weeks!

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Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged event, party, podcast, scheduling, tired

Steps Forward And Back (or Working On Frustration)

Posted on September 14, 2015 | Comments Off

My week of workouts were both good and frustrating. I’ve had this injury for too long (in my opinion) and whenever I feel like I take a step forward I end up taking a step back too.

The next Dri-Tri is this coming Sunday. I really thought I’d be better by then so I can do it, but I’m having some serious hesitations too.

My weight work is doing pretty well. I’m noticing that my balance is getting better and my core got significantly stronger recently. I’m wondering if compensating for my injured calf helped to strengthen my core. Whatever it was, I was finding my weight work to feel easier and more natural this week. This been a while since I’ve had a step forward like that and I’m pretty happy about it. My weakest part are still my arms/shoulders, but I think I can work on those.

My rowing also had some strides forward this week. I’m getting my wattage closer to what it was pre-injury and I’m doing well in my sprints. The longer distances are still my struggle. And that concerns me as far as the Dri-Tri goes. That has a 2,000 meter row. The longest distance I’ve done post-injury has been 1,000 meters (I’ve done 1,600 meters pre-injury). And with that 1,000 meter row I did have to take a bunch of breaks. I’m sure I could do 2,000 meters, just not sure how many breaks or how long it would take me.

But as it’s been lately, my biggest concern is the treadmill. I’m getting closer and closer to my pre-injury speed, but I’m not even close to where I was on incline. I’ve done a few quickie segments at 3.5 miles an hour, but I’m pretty much sticking to 3.3 or 3.4 for now. I’m feeling the muscle in my calf straining so I know I can’t do much more. And for inclines I’m doing pushes at 6% and all outs at 8% or the occasional 10%. I’m not sure if I’d have to do inclines for the Dri-Tri, but if I do those might disqualify me.

I’ve got a few more days to figure out if I’m going to do the event or not. I’m going to ask the staff/trainers about my concerns and try to make the best unemotional choice for me. As much as I really want to do it, I’m worried that pushing myself that hard is going to either make my recovery take longer or possibly even tear the muscle again.

I find it so odd that this injury is frustrating me as much as it is. My hip issues have been an ongoing problem for about 10 years now. And even though I know I need surgeries to correct them still, I put up with it and know that it is what it is. Now I have an issue that is going to be better without medical intervention and in the somewhat near future and I’m beyond impatient and annoyed with my progress. You’d think that I’d be more annoyed with an almost permanent issue than a temporary one.

I’m working really hard at being patient and knowing that this will be a memory and not an issue soon. And there will be more Dri-Tris next year, so this won’t be my last opportunity to do one. I just really had my heart set on doing the one last month (which I skipped due to the injury) and the one this month. I figured I’d be better by now, but I guess I was wrong.

But if things turn for the better, you’ll see a post from me next week recapping the Dri-Tri!

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged fitness, injury, Orangetheory, pain, workout

Skipping Over An Anniversary (or Forgetting But Not Forgetting)

Posted on September 11, 2015 | Comments Off

This past Monday was my grandparents’ anniversary. Last year, I was lucky enough to spend their anniversary with them in San Diego. It was a pretty fun trip and I had a great time celebrating with them and seeing some of my other family. And after that I got to see my grandparents a few other times prior to my grandpa passing away.

Obviously, you never know when someone is going to pass away. We had no clue that my grandparents’ anniversary last year would have been the last one that they would celebrate together. And even if we did, I don’t know if we would have done anything different with our celebration.

I’ve mentioned that days that used to be celebrations for someone who has passed away have been weird for me. Some dates are harder than others. Usually dates where I remember that I don’t need to buy a card are the worst. But this is the first time that there has been an anniversary that I usually celebrate where one person has passed away. It’s one thing to not celebrate a birthday or even Father’s Day for someone who has passed away. But an anniversary where one person in the couple is still alive does seem weird to not celebrate.

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to call my grandma for her anniversary or anything so I checked with my mom and my aunt. Both of them said that we weren’t going to celebrate it because it may have upset my grandma. We weren’t trying to forget that it was their anniversary, but we didn’t want to bring it up and make my grandma sad that my grandpa isn’t alive anymore. I think they might have also thought it is a weird thing to try to celebrate when half of the people you are celebrating are dead.

Even though I was nervous about how to celebrate my grandparents’ anniversary, it did feel weird not celebrating it. I did acknowledge it on social media by posting the photo that I took at their last anniversary.

With this anniversary gone, I wonder if it will be weird again next year on their anniversary. Or how it’s going to feel at Thanksgiving when I think it will hit us all pretty hard that my grandpa isn’t there. There was a Thanksgiving years ago where my grandpa got sick and ended up in the hospital on Thanksgiving (we brought pie to the hospital after dinner). That dinner was weird enough and we all knew that he was fine and being released from the hospital the next day. What’s it going to be like when we know that he isn’t just somewhere else and we’ll see him the next day?

I guess this is all part of the grief process. I’ve had a weird time with grieving his death. Obviously I’m sad that my grandpa is gone. He’s the only grandpa I knew. But he and I have a very complicated relationship. While I’m sad I also have other conflicting feelings. But the sadness is greater because I also have the sadness I feel for other members of my family and how they are grieving.

Dealing with all these complicated feelings can be tough. I know that grief can be a long process and having these significant dates can bring up lots of feelings or make you feel like you took a step back in dealing with death. I’m just trying to focus on the positives and think about how much fun it will be at Thanksgiving this year with all of my family, even if we will be missing one family member.

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Posted in Celebrations, Family, Tough Stuff

Tagged anniversary, death, grandparents

Being Socially Anti-Social (or An Observer At Game Night)

Posted on September 9, 2015 | Comments Off

This past Saturday, my friends Marie and Chris had one of their epic parties. I was totally looking forward to this party because I had nothing scheduled for Sunday morning so I could finally stay at the party as late as I wanted to! I still had to work on Saturday morning prior to the party, but work was going to be done several hours before the party.

Saturday got here and the day got off to a rough start. I had a pretty bad night sleep the night before and I had some difficult situations with customers at work during my shift. I tried to take a nap after work, but that wasn’t working.

I also ended up getting asked to dog-sit on Saturday night, so I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay at the party super late because I had to get to the dog. But I decided to make an effort to go to the party for as long as I could.

It was another game day party and when I got there there were several games in full swing. Everyone was having the best time and were super into the games that they were playing. I was still feeling off so I just watched from the side. I got asked to join in some games, but I decided to just stick to watching.

Eventually, I ended up hanging out with one of my friends inside and catching up. I talked about how I was feeling off and we had a really nice talk which made me feel much better. By then, some of the other party people were coming inside to play games inside or to sing some karaoke (which is set up in Chris and Marie’s garage). It was getting late by then and I didn’t want to start a game when I knew I’d have to leave to get to the dog-sitting job so I just watched again.

I ended up doing a Periscope broadcast from one of the games and that was pretty entertaining for me.

By about 10pm, I realized that I needed to get to my dog-sitting (the dog has access to the outside so I wasn’t too worried about how late I’d be, but I didn’t want it to be super late when I arrived). As always, it took me forever to say goodbye to everyone and I got sucked into a bunch of conversations.

Even though I wasn’t feeling it at the party, I’m so glad I went. Seeing my friends did help bring me out of my funk a little bit. And I still had fun watching games even if I wasn’t playing. Seeing my friends have fun is something I like to watch.

I need to remember to be social even if I don’t feel like it and want to watch movies at home. It really did improve my mood, even if I still was feeling a little off the entire time. Hopefully by the time the next party comes around (which I think will be Halloween), I’ll be in more of a party mood.

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged friends, party

People Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video)

Posted on September 8, 2015 | 3 comments

Some of you may have seen a video online called “Dear Fat People”. I’m not going to link to it because I don’t want to necessarily promote it (if you want to watch it, it’s pretty easy to find). I actually had not seen the video until yesterday and I had some pretty strong feelings about it.

First of all, I guess the fat people video is supposed to be funny. The woman in it is a comedian who thought that it would be seen as a joke (or at least that’s what I’ve read in interviews). In the video, she claims that fat shaming isn’t a thing. People who are fat should be shamed so they can change themselves. She thinks that fat people are fat because they don’t know that it’s wrong and don’t know how to fix it. She tells a story about a family who are all overweight (she says that they smell like sausages and sweat out Crisco) and are on a plane with her. According to her, she has to hold back the son’s fat while he is sitting next to her so it doesn’t cover her. She goes on and on about more stories about how fat people don’t realize that they need to change because they are all dying off from fat diseases. She does say that this video isn’t about anyone who may have a medical condition who makes them fat.

I have so many issues with this video that I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, her disclaimer that this video isn’t about anyone with a medical condition is stupid. How does she know that the people she discusses in her video don’t have a medical condition? While I don’t have a medical condition that causes my weight issues (beyond my eating disorder) I do have an invisible disability with my hip issues. I get a pass when I go to Disneyland that lets me sit off to the side when I wait for rides. I still wait just as long as anyone in line, but I don’t have to stand in line while waiting. When it’s my turn, I get to go onto the ride. Many guests think this is a front of the line/instant access pass. It did used to be that way, but too many people were faking injuries to get it. Back then, the disability line for many rides were longer than the regular line (I once waited 3 hours for Space Mountain when the regular line was 1 because I need to use the accessible coaster car so I can get into the ride safely). Now that it’s not considered as desirable to people who fake their injuries, the wait times are similar or maybe a little longer than the regular line. With this pass, I’ve had some people shame me for using it. I’ve had people tell me that if I wasn’t so fat that I wouldn’t have to cheat the system. I’ve been called names. I’ve been pointed out and laughed at. In the beginning, I used to carry around the pictures from my surgery to call out people, but now I just don’t care. But it does make me mad when someone assumes that someone doesn’t have a disability because they can’t see it.

I also find the story of the airplane completely unbelievable. If someone doesn’t fit into one seat and will be encroaching onto another seat, the airlines are pretty quick to force that person to buy a second seat so they have enough room. The guideline is that the armrest needs to go completely down without any spillage for the airline to agree that you take up one seat (yes, I’ve been called out on this and it was stupid because there was more than enough room for the armrests to go down). If this woman really had to hold back the fat of someone to enjoy their flight, I’m sure that the other passenger would have been asked to buy a second seat. I’m sure that either this story is made up or exaggerated for theatrical purposes.

Finally, the person in the video believes that people who are fat don’t know what to do to fix it. While this might be true for some overweight people, the majority of the people I know with weight issues know more about health, nutrition, diet, and exercise than almost anyone else. This is because most of us have tried every diet under the sun to lose the weight and get healthy. I can tell you the calorie counts of so many different foods. If you tell me your weight, I can guess how many calories you will burn if you walk or run a mile with pretty decent accuracy. I know what drinks have added sugars, fake sugars, or have a base other than water. I probably could teach a class on nutrition by this point. And I think that most of you who are regular readers would agree that I am working pretty darn hard on my fitness and know what I need to do. If I didn’t have my eating disorder, I’d probably be a size 2 now.

To anyone who watched that video and was embarrassed about your weight issues, there’s no need to be. Everyone has their struggles in life. Those of us with weight issues just have our issues on the outside where everyone can see them. If you are happy at the size that you are and your doctors say that you are healthy, then stay exactly how you are. If you want to lose weight, do it. There are plenty of great and healthy ways to lose weight and become the best that you can be.

And if you watched that video and felt like that people who are overweight should be shamed, you should know that shaming someone isn’t probably going to motivate them. For people with eating disorders, it will probably make the problem worse. If there is someone you love who is an unhealthy weight and you are worried about them, try to let them bring the issue to you. It’s embarrassing to discuss these things at times and if someone else brings it up they might not want to talk about it and then keep it buried inside even longer.

I’m aware that this is a rant about a silly video online. But if I had seen that video online maybe 5 years ago, I would have had a very different reaction to it. I see it as silly now, but then I would have been devastated and would have wanted to avoid the public in fear of random people trying to shame or taunt me because of my weight.

But now I know that no matter how skinny or fat I might be, I’m still the same fabulous person. People love me for who I am and not what I look like. And anyone who thinks differently isn’t someone who I need in my life.

3 Comments

Posted in Beauty, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged beauty, binge eating, eating disorder, fitness, health issues, hip issues, love, weight gain, weight loss

Another Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another)

Posted on September 2, 2015 | 1 comment

I had my big dentist appointment this week. The big appointment is when I not only have a cleaning with the hygienist, but I also have to do x-rays and see the dentist as well. I hate these big appointments because I always think that something is going to be horribly wrong and I’ll be told that if I don’t fix something ASAP my teeth will fall out.

I know it seems crazy to think that, but so many of these appointments have ended in the past with me scheduling more appointments for major dental work. I’ve had more fillings, crowns, and shots than anybody would ever want in their life. And I know that there will eventually be more major dental work in my future because all the work that was done previously won’t last forever. Many things will need to be repaired or replaced one day. I’ve already had to have one crown cemented down again. And while that wasn’t that extreme of an appointment, it was still pretty painful for me.

The panic meds I’ve been taking for years have helped a bit. And even when I had my last cleaning and was dealing with Vyvanse plus my panic meds wasn’t too bad. But the combination of the double appointment plus the Vyvanse was not that great.

The night before the appointment, I couldn’t sleep. I have had tooth nightmares for several nights leading up to the appointment and knew that I would have another nightmare that night as well. I woke up exhausted and tried my best to time out my medications. I took my morning Vyvanse plus a painkiller (I figured that some pain relief couldn’t hurt). I’m lucky that my increased dosage of Vyvanse is split so I only had one dose prior to my dentist appointment. But I still had more panic than before.

Whenever I have these double appointments, I always try to schedule my cleaning first. That way, the hygienist can give me a heads up if something looks suspicious to her. She didn’t see anything so I moved on to the next chair for the x-rays.

X-rays aren’t painful, but they aren’t that fun for me either. I always look at the screen when the x-rays come up and try to see what they might show (I have no clue how to read dental x-rays so looking at them doesn’t do me any good). Once the dentist took a look at my x-rays, he gave me a clean bill of tooth health. Nothing is looking like a cavity (or pre-cavity), all my fillings look good and don’t need to be crowns yet, and all my crowns are secure and aren’t causing me any extra tooth sensitivity.

As soon as I was done paying, I got out of the office. I don’t like being there because I still have memories of bad appointments in the past. Even after I have a good appointment, I start thinking about the next one and get scared that in 4 months I will have something wrong.

I wish I could just outgrow this fear. I’m aware that it’s silly and I haven’t had a bad appointment in a while. But I don’t want to be comfortable either because I know that my panic makes me take better care of my teeth than many people do.

I’m just glad that I survived another dentist appointment and had nothing wrong. And I was able to schedule a couple of things to be right after the dentist appointment so I didn’t have to think about it too long after the appointment ended. I was too busy focusing on everything else (and all the good stuff) happening in my life.

1 Comment

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged dentist, medication, panic

Transitioning Back To Normal (or Going Slow)

Posted on August 31, 2015 | Comments Off

This week of workouts was all about testing my limits with my injury. I knew that this week would mark when I could attempt going on the treadmill again, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to push it.

I spent Monday on the bike again. I’m not a huge fan of working out on the bike, but it’s not the worst thing. I struggled again with getting my heart rate up because when I’m bent forward holding on the handlebars my heart rate monitor isn’t flush against my chest. But I managed and did what I could (even if the screen wasn’t necessarily showing my accurate heart rate).

After my workout on Monday, I spend the day at Disneyland. I did wear a compression bandage, but I did a lot of walking that day. I was probably close to 4 miles of walking over the entire day, which is the most walking I’ve really done since the injury. I was having issues with pain from time to time, but it wasn’t unbearable. So I decided that I would test myself on the treadmill on Wednesday.

Fortunately, my new compression sleeves arrived before my Wednesday workout. I got a set of them (one for each leg), but I went to my workout just wearing one on my injured leg.

Wednesday’s workout ended up being the perfect workout to test myself on. It was a partner workout and my treadmill segments were under 4 minutes each time. I felt great! I was going slow, but I was still going faster than I had when I started at Orangetheory. I slowly increased my speed, but I never got to what I was at pre-injury. I’m a little concerned since I have a 5K in about 2 months, but hopefully I can get myself up to my previous speed in that time.

Friday’s workout made me realize that I’m still limited in what I can do. I did try wearing the sleeves on both legs after a recommendation from one of my coaches, but I’m not sure if I like that yet or not (I’ll probably try it another time or two before I decide). But on Friday, all the treadmill blocks were one after another. So I had about 30 minutes straight on the treadmill.

I did ok with that. I had to decrease my speed compared to Wednesday halfway through the treadmill time because I was starting to hurt, but with doing that and taking some breaks I was able to finish the treadmill segment on the treadmill and not taking time on the bike.

Obviously, I’m not fully healed yet. I still have some pain when I’m walking regularly around my house or while doing errands. And on the treadmill I had a few scary moments with a quick intense pain but those went away quickly and I don’t feel any additional tears in my calf. I really want to get back to normal, but I need to learn to be patient with myself. It’s not easy when my focus for so long was to push myself, to go faster, and to get higher inclines.

My plan is to stay on the treadmill from now on unless there is a pain that is unbearable or really scares me. I know I need to work on my endurance and muscle strength and hopefully I can spend the next few months just focusing on getting myself to where I was last month and not where I thought I’d be.

Comments Off on Transitioning Back To Normal (or Going Slow)

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged fitness, injury, Orangetheory, pain, progress, workout

Category Archives: Tough Stuff

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A Full Doctor Afternoon (or Pain and More Pain)

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Trying To Go With The Flow (or Staying Calm And Remembering To Breathe)

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Going Out While Exhausted (or The Opposite Of Fear Of Missing Out)

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Transitioning Back To Normal (or Going Slow)

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