Category Archives: Health

Unexpected Help From Having Better A/C (or Surviving Another Gallbladder Attack)

Posted on August 16, 2022 | Comments Off on Unexpected Help From Having Better A/C (or Surviving Another Gallbladder Attack)

I used to have gallbladder attacks pretty frequently. I’ve been lucky that they have decreased quite a bit and I haven’t had surgery to take it out. I was planning on having it removed when I had my liver surgery, but when that got canceled I decided not to look into still having surgery just for my gallbladder. I would have kept my liver surgery date and had my gallbladder out at that time (and have the smaller tumors removed), but I didn’t want to do a surgery if I could avoid it. And after discovering about my tumors, my attacks weren’t happening as often.

What we think happened was when my tumors were big, they were compressing other organs so my gallbladder had less space and the attacks could be triggered a lot easier. But now that my liver isn’t pressing on other things, my gallbladder is a normal size and shape and while I still have gallstones they aren’t causing attacks the way they used to. I think every follow-up MRI I’ve had included a note about having gallstones. But as long as it’s not bothering me, I’m ok for now.

I have had a few attacks in the past few years, but they really don’t happen that often and I have found that they aren’t as severe as they used to be. They are still awful and there are moments I feel like I’m dying, but instead of lasting half the day, they are usually over within an hour or two. And I do have ways I can try to manage the pain and just get through the attack.

I had a random attack over the weekend and it’s been months since my last one. I really was trying to think of the last time I had one and I couldn’t remember it. But there’s no way to forget the pain, especially when it hits again. I don’t know what caused it because I hadn’t eaten anything that should have triggered an attack. But I had all the horrible symptoms and just tried to lay down and rest so I could get through it.

One of the symptoms I have when I’m having a gallbladder attack is feeling like I’m having a heat flash or fever. It feels like I’m burning up and I can’t stop sweating. I have always had a fan next to my bed, and whenever I have had an attack I put the fan on high and have it right next to me to cool me down. But this was the first time I had an attack since living at my new place and I have central a/c instead of a little window unit. I’ve already been loving having central a/c, plus the way my condo is situated, things don’t get as hot as they did in my old place. And as I was laying on my bed with my fan next to me, I lowered the thermostat on my a/c to make sure it went on and stayed on for a bit. And as soon as the a/c started and cooled down my room, I started to feel a lot better. The pain was still really intense and I was dizzy and feeling like I would pass out (which is normal for me with a gallbladder attack), but not feeling like I’m burning up really did help. I don’t know if it was really making me feel better or just giving me something else to focus on with cold air hitting my body. But it made getting through this recent attack a lot easier.

This attack I had only lasted about an hour, which sounds like a long time when you feel like you are dying. But compared to what my attacks used to be like, this was much easier. I was able to recover from the attack pretty quickly and get a few more things done with my day instead of needing the rest of the day to recover. I did still feel weak for a few more hours, but it was much more manageable compared to what it’s been like before. I know that it could be that this attack just wasn’t as bad as others have been, but I really do think having the a/c helped me. And I never expected that to be something I could have used when I’ve been having attacks before. I knew it would be nice, but I underestimated how much it would help.

Hopefully, I won’t have another gallbladder attack for quite a while. I would love it if I only had them maybe once a year or less. I do try to eat things that I know won’t cause attacks, but I think some of the ones I have had are just random because I can’t figure out the trigger. But even if I have another one soon, at least now I figured out something else that hopefully will help me get through the attack and make it a bit more tolerable.

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Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)

Posted on July 28, 2022 | Comments Off on Still Panicking More At The Dentist (or Working On Staying Calm When I Can)

My panic issues at the dentist have been happening for as long as I can remember. But it seemed for a while that things were finally getting better. I still hated having to go and would be very fearful of what bad news I might hear, but I was managing things a lot better and didn’t feel like I was having a big panic attack like I used to. For a while, I think the fear of getting sick combined with my usual dental concerns were making things worse. But I can never be sure and I just had to tolerate things the best that I could.

I was back at the dentist this week. I had my normal cleaning plus I needed to do the x-rays that I didn’t do the last time I was there. I should have made a note in my calendar that I was doing x-rays as well because I honestly forgot that I was going to do those until I got there. Doing x-rays always adds to my panic because that’s when the dentist can really see if there are any issues that need to be fixed. But they have to be done and I know avoiding anything at the dentist just means that it will be worse for me down the line.

I was quickly brought back to do my x-rays and the process was ok. I don’t like the devices you have in your mouth while doing them, so I always ask the assistant to tell me when I can take them out of my mouth so I don’t have to wait on them. There were a few issues with some of the x-rays needing to be redone, but it wasn’t that bad. Then I was supposed to see the dentist to review the x-rays and start the cleaning.

But I guess there was an issue with another patient taking much longer than expected because there was some juggling around to put people in the right place and I had to wait a bit longer than normal to meet with the dentist. This was a bit different than what it’s been like recently since they haven’t had multiple patients in the office at one time due to the pandemic. But there was only one other person so it wasn’t like it was crowded.  And fortunately, because my dentist knows how bad my panic attacks are, she looked at my x-rays and came over to tell me that there were no cavities or anything else to worry about before she went back to finish up with the other patient. That was a nice thing for her to do so I didn’t have to keep waiting and freaking out that I would be told something horrible. It also didn’t help that I had an extremely creepy bad tooth dream the night before and that was freaking me out.

Once it was finally time for my cleaning, the dentist confirmed with me again that everything was looking ok with my teeth. Nothing needed to be repaired and there was no damage that was concerning. I still have the same issues with my teeth that I always do and that makes my cleanings a bit more intense than a normal cleaning, but it wasn’t worse than what my cleanings are normally like. And even though I was shaking and panicking throughout the cleaning, I just tried to focus on breathing and I do other things to try to distract my mind. I knew that there was nothing wrong with my teeth, but I still worry that something will be discovered that wasn’t seen before. I don’t think my panic goes away until I’m getting up from the chair and heading to the front to pay.

I don’t know if or when my panic attacks at the dentist will start getting better again. I don’t know what it will take to put me at ease again because I think I will always fear that I will need something major done. And that is my reality because when you have genetically bad teeth, it’s not if but when that will happen. But I do know that I’m doing pretty much everything I can to prevent that or to make sure that the major work isn’t worse than it needs to be. I guess I will see in 4 months before my next appointment how bad my panic attacks are and continue to do what I need to do and hope for the best!

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Feeling More Like Myself (or I Know Getting Back On Track Takes Time)

Posted on July 22, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling More Like Myself (or I Know Getting Back On Track Takes Time)

As I wrote a few days ago, I was dealing with some really bad days with my eating disorder. They were rough and I really felt low, both mentally and physically. I knew that my eating disorder could affect me in really extreme ways, but I really hadn’t dealt with those issues until this past weekend. And even though I recognized that I was dealing with some bad days and working my way out of them, I knew it would likely take some time because things can’t always bounce back quickly.

Getting back to eating regularly was something I could start working on right away, but the effects of having a few days without eating well are still with me. I’m feeling weak from time to time and my food schedule is still off. I have used alarms in the past to remind myself to eat, but I don’t always use them. But I knew that I needed to set them back up now so I wouldn’t go through the day without thinking about it. I still don’t always eat when I know I should, but at least I am being reminded about mealtimes. And I do try to figure out something I could eat either when I should eat or have something ready to eat in an hour or so. I am lucky that I never had issues with remembering to drink water, so I haven’t had the side effects you can get from dehydration. But not eating well really takes a toll on your body and I am still feeling some of them.

I knew that feeling more rested would take longer. You can’t really catch up on missed sleep, plus I don’t have that many days I can sleep in each week. I really can only sleep in a bit on Tuesdays and Sundays, but because I get up so early every other day I rarely sleep in that late. But I have been making more of a conscious effort to get to bed sooner and not stay up late watching tv or doing other things. I know that my tv shows can wait until the next day or later that week, so if it’s time I should start getting ready for bed and I’m in the middle of a show, I’m better about just pausing it and turning off the tv. I can get back to them later and I know that getting more sleep will benefit me more in my life. And fortunately, the issues I was having with not being able to sleep or stay asleep have almost gone away. I do still wake up during the night occasionally, but I am not struggling as much as I did at the beginning of the week with falling asleep or going back to sleep. So even if I’m not getting as many hours of sleep as I should, it’s now more consistent sleep during the night.

But what I think is the most important part about getting back to feeling normal is that I am not being hard on myself. I can’t expect perfection, especially when I’m working on getting over some tough days. As much as I would have liked for it to be like a light switch and for things to instantly get better, I am being patient with myself and not looking at these lingering issues as reasons to give up. I know that I will get back to feeling normal eventually, but it will take time. And being upset with myself wouldn’t make things faster, so there’s no point in feeling that way.

Hopefully, I will just continue to feel more and more normal again and I don’t have any new setbacks, but I also know that additional setbacks are always possible. But I’m working on staying optimistic and doing what I can to get over the rough days I went through earlier this week so I can move on to better days.

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A Rough Weekend For Me (or Working On Getting Back On Track)

Posted on July 20, 2022 | Comments Off on A Rough Weekend For Me (or Working On Getting Back On Track)

I’ve been lucky that with my eating disorder recovery, I haven’t had that many extremes. Obviously, an eating disorder could be considered extreme on its own, but I know that some people have had struggles both with the eating disorder and recovery that are much worse than what I have gone through. I have had some tough days and struggles, but mostly they have been things I have been able to work through and they haven’t affected everything in my life like I know they could. But this past weekend, I had what I would consider one of the worst eating disorder weekends I’ve had since I have tried to get better.

Even though I have a binge eating disorder, the way it works sometimes makes it tough for me to eat. Part of that is just the nature of the eating disorder and part of that is my mind thinking that if I don’t eat it will help me lose weight. I know that you can’t be successful with weight loss if you are starving yourself, which is why I do try to eat at mealtimes even if I don’t feel like it. I know that not eating can backfire and cause me to have a really bad binge episode. But I don’t remember another time where not eating hasn’t resulted in me eating at some point. But that’s exactly what I went through the last few days.

On Saturdays, I don’t always eat breakfast. I try to, but it’s one of the only days I can sleep in a bit later because I don’t have a workout before work. So I can sleep until 7am instead of getting up at 5:45am. I don’t eat while working since I am on the phone, so I usually will have my first meal when I’m done with work at 11am. I guess that could be considered brunch, but it’s just when I get a chance to eat. This past Saturday, things distracted me and I just didn’t eat. I finally thought about it around 5pm, but I really wasn’t hungry. And I struggle to force myself to eat sometimes when I’m not hungry. I finally did force myself to eat something so I didn’t go the entire day without food, but it had been 24 hours since my last meal. I know that some people can do intermittent fasting, but I shouldn’t do that. And not eating much at all that day really affected me mentally and physically. I didn’t sleep well that night.

On Sunday, I tried to force myself to eat something when I got up but I couldn’t stomach eating anything. It wasn’t like I had food poisoning or something, I just had a block in my mind preventing me from eating. And then I got distracted with more things before I could try to fight that thought. Just like on Saturday, I didn’t think about eating again until close to dinnertime. Another 24 hours had passed and I still wasn’t able to eat much. I was able to eat more than Saturday, but it was less than what I know I need to have in a day to function. And again, I slept horribly on Sunday night and I was pretty tired when I went to my workout on Monday morning. My body was also starting to be affected by the lack of food and sleep and I just was in a rotten mood and struggling throughout the day.

I think realizing how badly I was doing on Monday was a reality check that I needed. I went to the grocery store after work and got foods that would be easy to turn into meals, including microwave dinners. I know they aren’t the healthiest options, but I also knew that having some food is better than no food. That might not be the advice everyone with a binge eating disorder gets, but I also knew some of my thoughts and reactions were not what I was used to with my eating disorder. They were closer to what some of my friends with anorexia say they went through. I don’t think my eating disorder is morphing because I was able to snap out of it, but I also think that different eating disorders are closer related than some people realize.

I’m glad that by yesterday, I was starting to do better. After eating a better meal on Monday night, I slept better that night. And on Tuesday, I was able to eat a little bit before work and planned out my meals that day. They aren’t what would be perfect and healthy meals, but they were meals and things that I know I would eat. And that’s exactly what I needed to do and what my focus needs to be on this week.

I’m not worried that this is something that will continue. I think I got a bit lazy with working on recovering and it caught up with me in a weird way. But, it was also a way to prove to myself that when I do have a setback like that, I don’t have to let it take over my life for a long time. I wish I didn’t have to deal with it all weekend, but I’m glad that it seems like I’m getting back on track this week. I don’t feel totally normal just yet, but I think I’m just dealing with some of the effects of having very little sleep over the weekend. But my food is much better and I know that I will continue to feel better.

I know I’m lucky I haven’t had to deal with something like this before, and I’m glad that I have built up enough skills and instincts to not let it get much worse. But it was also a good reminder that I’m still in the struggle with an eating disorder and have work to do before I feel like I’m recovered. And I feel a renewed focus on doing the work I know I need to do and hopefully seeing the results follow soon after.

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Another Hip Surgery Anniversary (or Making It To Sweet 16)

Posted on July 8, 2022 | Comments Off on Another Hip Surgery Anniversary (or Making It To Sweet 16)

Yesterday marked 16 years since I had my hip surgery. I didn’t exactly forget about it this time, but I didn’t remember it in time to be able to post about it on here on the actual day. I was in my workout yesterday morning and was thinking about some upcoming events our coach was sharing with us. I was thinking about what day of the week some of those things would be on, and then I realized that day was the 7th and my hip surgery anniversary.

I know that 16 years isn’t exactly a milestone marker, but I think I’m always still in a bit of shock about how well I have done since having that surgery. I was always prepared to have one of the next ones that I would need pretty soon after the first one. My doctors thought I would need at least one more within the next few years. But somehow, I haven’t had to have any other procedures yet. This doesn’t mean I’m out of pain, but I’m not anywhere close to the amount of pain I was in before I had surgery. It’s been a while so I don’t remember exactly how bad the pain was, but I do remember how many painkillers I was on and how much I struggled to walk. And I do remember how little the pain after surgery felt compared to what I was in before.

The pain that I deal with now is a combination of issues with my hips. On the side that was operated on, I am bone on bone. The next surgery I need on that side will be a total hip replacement because there is nothing else they can do to get me out of pain completely. The pain I feel is when my bones hit and when things get out of place. I can’t really describe what that pain is like, but it’s not a sharp pain. It’s a weird dull pain that just feels wrong. But when things get out of place, I do have some tricks to help make that better. On the side that wasn’t operated on yet, the pain I feel is due to the damage that is still there. To remove the damage would make that side be bone on bone, so my doctors said that maybe the next step would just be a hip replacement instead of the surgery I had on the other side. Nothing was really decided or planned since we had no clue how long it would be until I needed the surgeries. And when it came time for them, then we could come up with a plan.

The only plan that was really discussed with me was that the end result would likely be total hip replacements on both sides and that in an ideal world I would not have a hip replacement done before I turned 40. Replacements don’t last forever so the longer you can wait until you get one, the better it is and the fewer future surgeries you might need. And even though I can’t believe my age at times, I’m only about a year away from that milestone birthday. So there is a good chance that I will make it to 40 before having a replacement.

I remember when I had the first surgery 16 years ago that turning 40 seemed like a lifetime away. While I always hoped I would not need surgery before then, I also worried that things would be so bad that I wouldn’t be able to wait that long either. I’m seriously so grateful that while I have dealt with pain, it has never gotten so bad that I considered that I would need a hip replacement. I thought maybe my other side would need that first surgery, but when I had my last exam and x-rays on my hips, the doctors could see some damage but it was not that much worse than what it was like before. And that does make sense since the pain I’ve been feeling over the years has been pretty stable and hasn’t gotten much worse over the years. I have good days and bad days, but they are still pretty similar to what they have been like for a long time.

Next year’s hip surgery anniversary will be right before I turn 40. And as long as things continue the way they have been going, I should still be fine without having to have another surgery before then. And I don’t plan on getting surgery after I turn 40 unless I really need it. My goal has always been to go as long as I could before the next one because that will help me have the best results long term. But it will be nice to know in a year that I have made it to that big goal my surgeon set for me so many years ago.

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I Support Healthcare (or I Will Always Be Pro-Choice)

Posted on July 7, 2022 | Comments Off on I Support Healthcare (or I Will Always Be Pro-Choice)

If you follow me on social media, you likely have seen me post quite a bit of pro-choice content since the overturning of Roe v Wade. I am very pro-choice and have always felt that way. And I am very vocal about my feelings. Things have been getting worse over time, but when the Supreme Court made its ruling, so many people lost their rights to healthcare that is so necessary.

I know that there are people who say that the ruling didn’t make abortions illegal, it just left it up to the states. But why should the state you live in decide what rights you have over your body? Not everyone has the luxury to be able to travel to another state to get the healthcare they might need or want. And for people who say that if you want to have rights you should just move to a state that allows it, that is a very privileged point of view. It’s very expensive to move (even for my move which was only 3 blocks was expensive). Not everyone has a job that they can transfer to a new state. They might live near family and not want to leave them.

And leaving it up to the states doesn’t have the best history. In the past, some states felt it was fine to enslave others. Shouldn’t everyone have the right to be free no matter where they are in the country? And what if other states want to create other rules. Maybe some states will require vasectomies unless someone is married and can prove they can financially care for a child. I don’t think a lot of people would be ok with that. How about some states not allowing for blood transfusions because some religions do not believe in those? Should you only get life-saving care if you live in a state that happens to allow it?

And I don’t feel like abortions are only ok if they are medically necessary. While I have not ended a pregnancy, I have several friends who have. And they all have had their reasons. Some were needed to save their lives, some were because the fetus had a condition that wasn’t compatible with life and they did not want to continue the pregnancy, and others did not feel ready or able to have a child. All of those are valid reasons. I know that there are adoptions, but that is an alternative to parenting, not pregnancy. Pregnancy is a risky time and can cause changes to someone that can last years or the rest of their lives. It is not right to force someone to go through that if they do not want to. And for everyone who says there is a waitlist for babies, that’s not a good reason to force others to go through a pregnancy. Nobody owes you a baby. And if you really have it in your heart to open your home to a baby or child that needs it, there are thousands of children in foster care that need homes. There are options to help children outside of adopting a baby.

I know some people say that if it’s medically necessary, it’s fine to end a pregnancy. But some of the new laws are very unclear about when doctors can save a woman’s life without risking their medical license or jail time. Ectopic pregnancies are not viable, and some states now require people to be actively dying to terminate the pregnancy instead of doing a much simpler surgery when they are still stable and not bleeding out. That’s already happening with some patients where the doctors have been meeting with lawyers and it can take hours before it’s approved for them to save the patient. There’s also someone who is early in pregnancy and just was diagnosed with cancer. She cannot receive cancer treatments as you cannot go through chemo while pregnant and it was not approved for her to terminate her pregnancy as her life is not at immediate risk. So if she could not travel to another state, she would have to delay life-saving treatment and by the time she could start her cancer may be too advanced to treat.

There are also cases like mine, where pregnancy could be very dangerous and life-threatening for me. But that’s only if my tumors rupture. What if they start to grow if I’m pregnant but they aren’t ruptured? Would I just have to wait around to see if they will and I bleed to death? Would I just wait to see if I get to live or if I will die even though there is a procedure that could save my life? And of course, there are cases of assault that result in pregnancy and there aren’t always exceptions for that, no matter how young someone might be.

But if you only think abortions are ok when they are due to assault or when someone’s life is at risk, then that is saying that you feel like an unwanted pregnancy is a punishment for having sex. That’s not right. Why should someone be punished for having sex when they don’t want to have a child? If you only believe in sex as a part of procreation, do you not believe in married couples having sex if they do not want to have a baby? And you can be on birth control and get pregnant, so using protection isn’t a guarantee. So do you want to punish someone who tried to not get pregnant but their birth control failed? How about in the states where they are trying to make some types of birth control illegal? I have heard people say that they are only trying to make some types of birth control illegal, but a copper IUD is on the list that they are trying to ban and that is the only type that I can use.

And then, there are the new issues that people are encountering because of the bans on abortions. There are medications that some people take that either can cause a miscarriage or cannot be used if someone is pregnant. I was on one of these medications in the past and had to sign paperwork agreeing I wouldn’t get pregnant. But these are necessary medications for conditions such as arthritis or lupus. But because of what they could do to a future fetus (not one that currently exists), there are some women who are being told they can no longer take the medication their doctors want them to take. Men can take them, but a woman cannot even if she’s not pregnant and signs paperwork saying they will not get pregnant. A non-existent fetus is causing people to lose the right to use medications to manage their medical conditions.

I know that I live in a state that is protecting the right to terminate pregnancies, but that’s just because of the leadership we have in our state now. What if that changes? Without the right to not be forced to carry out a pregnancy being a right for everyone in the country, anyone in any state is at risk of losing that right. And as so many people have said for so many years, banning abortions will not end abortions, it will only end safe abortions. I know people who would do anything they would need to do to end an unwanted pregnancy, no matter how risky it is.

I want to be hopeful for the future of this country, especially with a huge majority of citizens wanting abortions to remain legal. The few people on the Supreme Court do not represent the will of the majority, even if they did get to make the decision for us. Maybe there will be enough changes politically to restore this right. But I don’t know. It’s scary seeing how little some politicians understand about healthcare and the decisions they are making. They have said things such as ectopic pregnancies being viable and able to be moved to a uterus, even though no doctor says that and they all agree they are non-viable. Some do not understand that fertilization does not mean an embryo will result in a pregnancy because it might not implant. And there are some politicians who believe that there has never been a time when pregnancy put someone’s life at risk despite all the stories of when exactly that has happened. People who do not understand pregnancies are the ones making laws about them and because of their confusion, the laws make no sense and will result in deaths.

I just hope that things can change before too many people die because they are not allowed to be saved by doctors or they do whatever it takes to end an unwanted pregnancy. I will always fight for the right for people to choose what they want to do with their bodies. Not just for abortions. If you are diagnosed with treatable cancer but decide to not use any traditional treatments, I believe you should be able to do what you feel is right. If you prefer to use prayer over chemo, I want you to be able to do that. If you don’t want to be forced to donate an organ or blood, I agree and you should not have to do anything to your own body that you do not want. And nobody should be forced to go through a pregnancy and all the life-altering things that can come from that either. Even if you do not parent, pregnancy is not a punishment and nobody is an incubator.

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Sometimes I Feel Cursed (or At Least I Think I’m Feeling Better)

Posted on June 22, 2022 | Comments Off on Sometimes I Feel Cursed (or At Least I Think I’m Feeling Better)

I finally got through being in a lot of pain and nauseous. As I wrote about before, it was really rough on me this time and I wasn’t able to get a lot of relief from things that usually help me. But I made it through and I was so happy that I was feeling better and like myself again. And on Monday, I felt pretty great. I wasn’t 100%, but I only had a few moments of minor pain or nausea that could have been attributed to anything.

And I don’t know if what I was feeling on Monday was the end of what I deal with each month or the start of something new. But all I know is that on Tuesday I was feeling horrible. It was similar to what I was feeling not too long ago that really took me by surprise. But there were a few differences. It hit me really quickly and it was pretty extreme. I had some moments where I really wondered if something could be seriously wrong with me, but then the symptoms got a bit better. It was a constant up and down all day where I would feel almost ok and then I would feel like I was going through something really serious.

I’m pretty certain that I had food poisoning. I don’t know what could have caused it, but because of how quickly it came on and how it went away, it didn’t feel like a stomach bug since those usually take a bit more time to work through your system. I have no clue what I ate that could have caused this. Everything I ate right before I got sick was something that I normally eat. But I know that even if I ate something from the same container the other day, I could have gotten something that happened to go back or affect my body differently. And I’m going to have to guess that’s what happened but I will still be cautious about what I eat for the next few days. I already did double-check all the expiration dates on the food I have and everything should still be good. I didn’t throw out anything I have, but I’m going to just be a bit more cautious and aware in case I feel like this again.

I hate how I felt so horrible right after spending more time than I would have liked being in pain and nauseous. It didn’t feel fair that I just got through something to have to deal with it again. But I’m glad that it seems like this was a quick bug and that I’m feeling much better. I do feel a bit weak, as I normally do after any sort of sickness, so I know I will have to just be careful and try not to overdo too much in my life. But I also am so tired already of feeling sick and I just want to get back to my normal life and enjoy the few good weeks I have before I feel sick again.

The bad days I have seem to last forever and the good days I have seem to fly by. So when I have an extra bad day that wasn’t when I expected it, it just makes me feel like there’s something really wrong with me or that things are working against me. I know that I’m not cursed, but it does feel like that at times. But I am grateful that I know this is a temporary feeling this time because there are so many people with medical conditions that feel like this all the time. And I know what it’s like to deal with things like pain all the time and how it really can take up your life. So I am grateful that this isn’t what I have to deal with every day and that I should be fine now.

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Still Feeling Sick (or This Will Be Another Short Post)

Posted on June 17, 2022 | Comments Off on Still Feeling Sick (or This Will Be Another Short Post)

I know I just wrote about how miserable I was feeling this week. Unfortunately, that’s continued through the rest of this week. I have been really struggling a lot and I just can’t seem to make myself feel better. I’ve been trying all the things I have figured out in the past plus the new things I have just gotten to try to not be in as much pain or feel as nauseous. I am glad that I was able to get my anti-nausea medication in the mail yesterday so I was able to start taking that and it does help a bit. But I’ve just had to think of this week as a bit of a loss.

I really wanted to go out and do some fun things after work because my schedule had the availability for it. Instead, I have been spending so much time on my couch and in my bed. I’m even having to work from bed a bit because I am in so much pain. I hate doing that because it’s easier to work sitting at my desk. But when the pain is so bad that you can’t sit upright, working from bed has to be done. I probably should invest in a little surface I can put my laptop on to make working from bed easier. But I also don’t want to think that I will have to do that too much since it’s usually such a rare thing.

And when I’m in so much physical pain, I know my mental health takes a hit. I’m trying to do the things that I enjoy that aren’t causing me more issues. I’ve been reading a lot before and after work, and that’s a nice distraction. I haven’t been stressing out about things that aren’t as important or necessary right now like being perfect with cleaning. My condo isn’t messy, but I try to do some cleaning every day so it doesn’t pile up. But I’ve been letting it slide this week because I just don’t feel like it.

I know that this will be temporary and I usually don’t feel this bad. And I guess it’s good that I didn’t have anything I had to do this week. When my parents were here last month, it was when I was in pain and nauseous, but it wasn’t this bad. If it was, our visit would have been a lot worse. So I guess if I have to be miserable, it’s good that I’m not having to take things off of my schedule. And I know that it’s unlikely that next month will be like this, so I should be able to not have a week where I just can’t do much. But even though I know that, it doesn’t help when I really feel like this and it seems like this won’t end. But I do know that it will end and I’m almost at the end of when I should be feeling like this. And I can’t wait for it to be over so I can move on.

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Feeling Sick And Unmotivated (or Trying New Things To Feel Better)

Posted on June 15, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling Sick And Unmotivated (or Trying New Things To Feel Better)

I’ve had to deal with monthly pain and nausea for several years now. I know I was lucky that I got to avoid this for 15 years when I was on the birth control pill, but I’m still annoyed that I had to stop taking the pill because of my tumors. I wish I could still be avoiding this every month, but unless I take extreme measures (which I feel will be in the future for me), I don’t have many options. I know my doctor is always trying to think of new medications I can try, but I’m just in an unfortunate spot where there aren’t that many options for me. But I do the best that I can to manage it.

Because I’ve been dealing with this for a few years, I do have a bit of a routine that I rely on to try to feel better. But I do feel like each month things are getting worse for me. Sometimes I have more intense pain and nausea and sometimes it just lasts longer than it did before. Occasionally I’ll have a lucky month where things are just annoying, but then I’ll have other months where I really struggle to feel like I can get anything done. And this month is one where I’m really struggling.

Part of this struggle is my fault because I didn’t realize I was out of my preferred anti-nausea medication. I have another one I can take while I wait for my refill to come in, but it doesn’t help as much. And I have a feeling I won’t be nauseous by the time my refill gets here. But at least that means I’ll be prepared for next month.

I think this is true no matter what is making someone feel sick, but when I’m dealing with pain and nausea I’m not that motivated or productive. I try to do what I can, but sometimes I have to prioritize just doing what I have to do, such as work, and not worrying about anything else. But I also know that I can’t just do nothing for the next week or so because my brain won’t let me. So I’m trying new things this month to try to feel a little better.

I’m really focused on trying to stay hydrated throughout the day. Overall, I don’t usually worry about hydration because I know I drink enough water. But it can be in chunks of time where I drink a lot in the morning and then I might not drink any water for a few hours. So now, I’m trying to make sure I keep drinking water throughout my day. I don’t have an alarm or anything because I think this will be easy enough for me to do, but it is something that I make sure to focus on. And I think like most people who deal with pain know, a heating pad can really make things better. And I’ve had a variety of heating pads that I have used over the years. The main ones I have used were a microwavable one that was filled with rice and the one-time-use ones that have adhesive so you can wear them under your clothes. But I finally got a plug-in heating pad and it has been a very nice tool to help me.

I didn’t have a plug-in heating pad before for a few reasons. First, my old place had very few electrical outlets, so I could only use it in a few different spots that might not be as comfortable unless I unplugged other things that I needed. Also, the plug-in ones get really hot (which is a good thing), but I was always warm in my old place even with the a/c running. But now, I have central a/c so I have been running it to keep me cool when the heating pad was on high. I still feel a bit overheated, but it helps and lets me use the heating pad a bit longer than I would without the a/c.

I will just have to try my best for the next week or so. I hope that I feel up to being more productive again soon because I really hate feeling like I’m just being lazy. And maybe my refill will get here sooner than expected so I can use it this month. But just like always, I know this time is temporary this month and soon I’ll have 2-3 weeks of feeling good again.

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At Least My Skin Is Doing Better (or Not Escaping An Appointment Without A Needle)

Posted on May 13, 2022 | Comments Off on At Least My Skin Is Doing Better (or Not Escaping An Appointment Without A Needle)

It’s been a bit of time since my last dermatologist appointment. I was supposed to go back about a month ago, but then my doctor got sick and the appointment had to be rescheduled. Because I have to work around my work schedule, it took a bit of time before I could get another appointment. But I knew nothing in my appointment would be urgent, so I wasn’t too concerned about that. And if there was something that changed and I needed to go in quickly, I could always call back and see how soon I could go in.

My last appointment was before the surgery on my foot, so I knew that this appointment would be to see how things were going. And of course, it would be an appointment to check about my autoimmune condition and to make sure that things are going well for me.

I was able to get an early morning appointment before work, so that was a bit different from going after work. But I figured that it should be an easy appointment since I wouldn’t have to deal with any more freezing treatments on my foot. I was hoping it would be a relatively pain-free appointment, but I never know going in if there will be something unexpected.

The appointment started with going over how my foot was doing. I don’t know if my dermatologist was happy that the podiatrist decided to cut it out of my foot, but what’s done is done. I do have a little scar tissue on my foot, but it’s not that bad. Plus, there’s no guarantee that if I kept doing the freezing treatments I wouldn’t have scar tissue after that. I didn’t know how many more treatments it would have taken. And I am glad that I’m done with the treatments because I had been going through them for so long. So while this wasn’t the treatment plan my dermatologist wanted, I think he’s glad that I’m all done and my foot is fine.

Then we discussed my autoimmune condition. I’ve been taking the same medication for a while, and it is helping a lot. My dermatologist said that my skin looks the best that he’s seen it and I have a much lower stage of the condition than I did before. The ultimate goal is remission, but that’s not always possible. But these are really encouraging signs that I might be there one day.

Even if my skin wasn’t looking better, I’m in significantly less pain so that has made me happy. The pain of this condition has been one of the worst things for me, and to not be in as much pain is so nice. While I want my skin to look amazing too, the pain was a bigger concern. While I am in much less pain, I did still have one really bad flare that was causing me quite a bit of pain. I do have a few different things I can do that help with the pain and make it not as bad, but it’s not a guarantee they will work. And since I only had one really bad flare, compared to multiple ones like I had in the past, my dermatologist offered to inject the spot to help the pain and to decrease the inflammatory response.

While I was looking forward to a pain-free appointment, I was curious about this and decided to go for it. I knew it would hurt and that it still might not go away, but this was a good chance to try a treatment option for any really bad flares I might have in the future. I don’t know if it was because it was a needle or because the flare was really inflamed and already painful, but the injection hurt more than any freezing treatment hurt me. I didn’t faint, but I did black out. I think the blackout was more about the needle and not the pain, but the pain did make me tear up. I think I shocked my doctor with how much it hurt me, but he’s also always been surprised by how little the freezing treatments hurt. He also said that because this flare was so bad and the skin was already tender, it might have been worse than what others who get this injection experience.

This injection won’t necessarily make the flare go away, but it will make it much better. And just like how I’m doing overall, being in less pain is the priority for me. Of course, I would love to get into remission and I know that having surgery on some of the worst spots is the best option for me in the future, but I’m not planning on the surgery just yet. I do think I will do the surgery eventually, but it’s not in my future plans for now. I want to see how I continue to do on the medications since they are helping and getting as close to remission as possible before taking more permanent steps.

It did suck getting a shot while I was there since I was hoping I wouldn’t have anything that hurt during this appointment, but overall it was a really positive checkup. I don’t have to go back for several months, which is the longest time between appointments that I’ve had in a long time. And maybe things will be even better for me by then. I know that when I started the medications I wasn’t seeing progress even though I was told there was progress. I’m glad that I can tell things are getting better and I’m not just having to trust what my doctor is telling me. Because feeling the progress and improvement in my own body is the most important thing for me.

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