Posted onNovember 11, 2020|Comments Off on All My Plans Didn’t Happen (or Vertigo Knocked Me Down)
I’m sorry if this is a short or rambling post. But I hope you understand.
I was all prepared to see my family this past weekend, but that didn’t end up happening. I got struck by a horrible case of vertigo.
I’ve had vertigo since I was a teenager. But it’s usually not that bad. I might have a quick severe case, but it’s done in minutes. This time, it’s been severe and lasting a long time. As I write this post, I’m at 72 hours and counting.
Saturday, I knew I was having mild symptoms pretty much when I woke up. But it didn’t affect my workout or getting some things done. I still knew something wasn’t right, but I hoped it would pass. But it didn’t. It only got worse. By the time I was supposed to start getting ready to drive to Santa Barbara, I could no longer stand. The room was spinning. And even laying down, everything was spinning around me. I could only make it stop by laying down on one side.
Obviously, there was no way I could drive and I was upset that I had to cancel my plans with my family. Sunday, I only got out of bed a few times. And when I did, I had to crawl to do things. I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom, which is about 3 feet from my bed.
Monday and Tuesday, I was able to start walking a bit, but I had to hold on to walls to hold myself up. It was tough to sit up, but I could do it.
I have no clue how much longer this vertigo will last, but it is finally starting to get better. It’s so frustrating because I want to get back to my life, but doing some of the smallest things is exhausting me. Just walking to my kitchen feels like a marathon.
But hopefully, it won’t take that much longer before I can do normal things again so I can get back to my life.
Posted onNovember 10, 2020|Comments Off on Getting Another COVID Test (or Making Sure I’m Safe To See My Family)
A little over 2 weeks ago, I did my first COVID test. As expected, I tested negative. I would have been shocked if I tested positive. I don’t really go anywhere or see anyone. I just stay home and be by myself.
I did the test because I wanted to take some extra precautions before seeing my family. The past few times I’ve seen everyone, I just went for the day and spent a few hours. But this time, I was going to be there for a few days and spend the night in the same rental house as my parents. So being extra careful seemed like a smart thing to do.
But as I think most of us know, just because you test positive one day doesn’t mean you will always test positive. From what I have read and been told, the best way to confirm you do not have COVID is to test, then do a quarantine for 2 weeks, and then test again. Because you tend to test positive within 14 days of exposure, this would be as close to a guarantee as you can get that you haven’t been exposed and are an asymptomatic carrier. So that’s exactly what I planned to do.
Originally, I was going to do the second test exactly 14 days later. But after seeing how things were looking regarding the election, I did it a day early. I didn’t think this was a big deal since leading up to the original test I hadn’t been out doing anything so I already had been doing a bit of a quarantine.
Just like the first time, getting an appointment was very simple. It was almost easier this time because I was able to find an appointment that was the same day that I was looking online! It was only 30 minutes from the time I was searching, so it was perfect. I had enough time to get registered to be tested, get my things together, and drive over to the testing location.
I decided to go to the same testing site as before since I knew where it was and it was pretty much the closest location that I could go to (unless I could get an appointment at my hospital, but I didn’t even try that this time). And just like before, there was a pretty long line of cars when I got there. This time, I remembered to look at my car so I could track how long the line of cars was from start to finish. It was a little over a mile, which is what I had guessed it was last time. And like before, the line moved really quickly so it was done before I knew it.
It was the same procedure as last time except for this time I didn’t have someone telling me exactly how to swab my mouth for the test. I could have had that, but I didn’t feel like I needed it and I wanted them to be able to help the people in the car behind me to make the line move as quickly as possible. It’s not that difficult, but I did review all the instructions before I drove to the appointment so I knew I was sure about exactly what to do.
I dropped the test in the collection container when I was done and I was on my way home. From the time I got into the line at the testing location to the time I was getting back on the freeway to go home, it was less than 45 minutes. I know that not all testing sites are like this, but hopefully they can become more and more efficient as they have them set up. I know the LA ones were not this fast when they started. It took time to get the system working the best way possible but now it’s super easy.
And I’m glad it’s easy because at least for now, getting tested is going to be a part of normal life. I don’t expect to do this on a very regular basis unless I need to for a job, but it shouldn’t be a big deal to get tested if you feel like you might have been exposed or you want to be extra careful.
It took a little more than 24 hours this time to get my results emailed to me, but they were just what I expected.
Even though I wasn’t that nervous that it would be any different, it is still a relief to know that I’m healthy and that I was good to go with seeing my family. I don’t want to worry I might get anyone sick, and now I can feel pretty certain that won’t happen. I know nothing is a guarantee, but then again, it never is. Even for other sicknesses like having a cold or something, you can always pass it on to someone even if you don’t know you are sick. But I’m doing everything I can to make sure I’m ok and that’s all I can really do for now.
Posted onOctober 27, 2020|Comments Off on My First COVID Test (or This Was Much Easier Than I Expected)
Getting a COVID test hasn’t really been something I thought about too much. When the pandemic started, it was not easy to get a test. Only those who had symptoms could get them, and I didn’t really have any symptoms. And then when it was easier to get a test, I felt no need to get one because I wasn’t leaving my house at all. I’m aware that being in LA I am privileged and can easily get a test if I need one and not everyone in every state could do that. But I didn’t do one because I didn’t need to for any reason and figured it wouldn’t be good to waste a test just to do it.
And technically, right now I don’t need one, but I did get one as an extra precaution. I’ve had a really bad cough for close to 2 years now. I know it’s not COVID, but I know that it made some people in my family nervous. So before I am going to see my family, I’m not only doing a full quarantine but I’m getting COVID tests to prove I’m ok. I was told that you should do a test before doing a 2-week quarantine to prove you don’t have it already and then another at the end of your quarantine to prove you weren’t exposed right before your first test. So that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Getting an appointment for a test wasn’t too bad. Originally I was going to go to the hospital to do it, but that ended up being harder to do. So I went to the LA County COVID test page to find a place I could get a test and sign up there. There are a lot of locations near me and appointments were available every day. I was surprised by how easy it was to sign up. And the test was going to be free, but they did ask me for my insurance information so my insurance would cover the cost.
The test was a drive-thru and I never had to get out of my car. I was a bit intimidated by the line of cars when I arrived for my appointment window, but I figured I’d just listen to podcasts and work my way up the line. But even though the line was over a mile long, it went by quickly. I was through the entire thing in under 45 minutes.
The first station I stopped at was just to confirm I had an appointment. I had an email with an appointment code and I had to show that to someone so they knew I didn’t just show up. The next station was to tell someone the code so they could look it up and find my information. Then they wrote that on a bag with all the testing supplies and used a grabber to pass it to me.
This test was not the nasal swab but the mouth swab, so I was going to administer the test myself. Before my appointment, there was a video to watch about how to do it, but they also had people there to help.
So after getting the bag, I drove to the next station where there was a man who was going to guide me through doing the test. First, I had to roll my window back up and cough 5 times while wearing a mask. Then I put my window down a little bit so I could hear the man giving the instructions and he had to take the swab out of the sterile bag and told me how to swab my mouth. You had to get both cheeks, top and bottom gums on both sides, all over my tongue, and on the roof of my mouth. It was about 30 seconds of swabbing and it felt almost like brushing my teeth. Then, I put the swab into the little vial and broke the handle so I could close the vial. Then I closed the bag and drove to the final station where there was a bin to drop my test into. I actually missed the bin and it hit the ground because of the wind, but there was someone there to use a grabber to pick it up and put it in there. And that was it!
Honestly, it was such an easy process. I know that the nasal swabs are a little harder to do, but from my friends who have done them, they still aren’t too bad. Many of my friends have to do multiple tests a week because of their jobs and nobody has said it was too difficult. But it’s still nice that the test I took was the easiest one.
They told me that I would get results within 3 days, but the next morning I got an alert that my test results were in. And they were exactly what I expected.
I actually would have been shocked if I didn’t test negative. This was more to just confirm what I already knew, but at least I have proof.
I’ll be doing another test right before seeing my family, but it’s nice to know that it’s going to be a simple test to do and I have nothing to worry about.
Posted onOctober 23, 2020|Comments Off on An Outing To The Dentist (or Doubling Up On The Panic)
So many people have been putting off things during the pandemic. I’m guilty of that for sure. There are some doctor appointments that I typically do at the end of summer or beginning of fall that I haven’t done yet. Right now, I want to try to avoid going to the hospital if I can. But I also know that putting things off can make any issues worse. People who are putting off their mammograms might not catch breast cancer at the earliest stage. People who are putting off care for on-going conditions might find things getting worse. I’m not putting off anything that is urgent (for example, I was supposed to go to the dermatologist for an annual mole check, but I also haven’t been going outside much this year), but I also know that I can’t put things off forever.
That’s kind of what happened with the dentist. Earlier this year, I was supposed to go in for my cleaning. I have shared several times that I have genetically bad teeth. I can do everything right, but things can still go wrong. I initially put off the appointment because they were closed for everything except emergencies, and my cleaning wasn’t an emergency. When they reopened, I wanted to see how the cases were going before making an appointment (since you can’t wear a mask at the dentist), but then I ended up having an emergency with my crown. So I went in for that to be fixed as well as my cleaning, and I found out things were worse than they normally were for me because I waited a few months for the appointment. It’s not necessarily my fault, but it’s a sign of why I need to keep up with my cleanings on the schedule that I normally have.
So after that last cleaning and major work, I made sure I set up my next cleaning appointment and I told myself I had to keep that appointment unless something really crazy happened. And that appointment was yesterday and I went. When I originally set that appointment, I was hoping I’d be back at work by now. But since I’m not, I was able to change my appointment time to be a bit earlier. That was better for me so there was less time that I was worried about stuff before I went in.
But my panic attacks about the dentist came back yesterday morning. I was a bit surprised by how bad it was. I wasn’t going to cancel the appointment, but I knew things were not going to be easy for me. I was trying to think through why I was so panicked, and I realized that I probably was experiencing my normal panic about the dentist and then had the panic about being somewhere without a mask on top of that. I know my dentist is cleaning their office really well between patients and they are keeping it limited to 1 patient at a time. But it’s still hard to feel calm about being somewhere without a mask right now, especially when there is no distance between me and the dentist (who was in a mask and a face shield). And as soon as I saw the dental chair, things got even worse for me.
The dentist knows how hard being there is for me and she was very patient with me and tried to keep me calm. I asked her to do things a bit out of order and check my teeth for any major issues before anything else because I know that will help bring my panic down. I’m grateful that she did that and she was able to tell me that there was nothing wrong with my teeth or any of my previous dental work and that this would just be a regular cleaning and that’s it.
Things went as well as I could have hoped except for one part of the cleaning. Normally, they use an ultrasonic cleaner to do some of the scraping work. That makes it go by so much faster and it’s much easier on me. You don’t feel the same tugging on your teeth with that cleaner and in my head, it’s less stressful on my teeth (I have no clue if that’s true or not). But because 0f the way that cleaner works, it can create an aerosol mist/spray that might have some saliva in it. So it’s not safe right now to use that. So the dentist had to use the regular scraper, which I hate and I ended up needing a few breaks during the cleaning to get my breathing back under control.
I’m sure I sound super dramatic about this all, but it’s hard when you know you have to go somewhere that makes you so nervous and panicky. But I know I have to do this in order to not make things worse for me. And in under an hour, I was done with the appointment with clean teeth and no more feeling of doom and dread.
My next dentist appointment is in 4 months, which is my normal schedule. Again, I’m hoping that maybe things will be a bit more normal by then, but I’m also realistic that it might be just like it is now. Hopefully when I go in, I’ll be a bit more prepared for both the dentist and being without a mask. But if not, I will just have to keep reminding myself that I will be ok and that it’s a minor blip in my day that will be done quickly.
Posted onOctober 8, 2020|Comments Off on Flu Shot Time (or Another Health-Related Post)
I just wrote about the pandemic and the importance of wearing masks yesterday. Wearing a mask is a small thing we can do to stay healthy. This has been true since the pandemic started. But now, it’s even more important to stay healthy because we are starting to be in the flu season.
The flu is something most of us are pretty familiar with. I would guess most people have had the flu at some point. I have only gotten it a few times, but one of those times was really bad. I ended up in the ER because I was so sick. I got medication to help relieve my symptoms, but I remember being sick for a week or two after that. I had a high fever, lots of body shakes, dizziness, and labored breathing. This was years ago and I still remember how awful it is. And I wouldn’t want to get it again.
Besides not wanting to get the flu because of how bad it is, I don’t want to end up in the hospital if I get sick. I know we have been lucky in LA and that the hospitals haven’t been overwhelmed yet. But there is no guarantee that once the flu season is really here that they won’t run out of beds between COVID and flu patient. So it is really important to protect yourself from getting the flu.
Wearing a mask will help. So a mask is like a two for one protection! You can protect yourself from 2 viruses at once. I think that masks may end up being something more common in the future for the protections we get during the flu season. We won’t know until masks are common all the time, but it will be interesting to see what happens in the future.
But getting your flu shot is so important and something that everyone who can get one should do. I know there are some people who cannot have the flu shot due to various reasons, so of course, if you have been told you cannot get one, don’t do it. But most people can get a flu shot. Even if you hate shots, a lot of places offer the vaccine in a nasal mist. I’ve done both the shot and the mist in the past. So I know what both are like and they are both good options for different reasons.
The best time to get a flu shot is about now, so I made sure I went to the hospital to do it yesterday. My hospital has walk-in flu shots every day (there are drive-thru flu shots on Saturdays only). In some places, you have to make an appointment or you have to do drive-thru. So you should check with your hospital, medical center, or office where you typically get flu shots. There actually was no line when I went, but I think that was mainly due to me picking a random time on a Tuesday. The nurse who was at the vaccine station told me that they have been so busy every day, so I guess I was lucky.
I was offered both the shot and mist options, but I was reminded that the mist contains a live vaccine. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be something your body has to work with. You cannot get the flu from a live vaccine, but you can sometimes have symptoms that are similar to a mild cold. For the shot, you can sometimes have those symptoms too, but they aren’t as common for me. I usually only get the symptoms that are like a cold when I’ve had the mist one. So I decided to get the shot this time, even though I hate shots.
I warned the nurse about all my issues with needles and the things that help me not pass out. I’m glad I talked to her about it because I do better when I know when the shot will be happening. For many people, they do better when they are surprised. So making sure I won’t be surprised is important to me. I also like to warn nurses and medical staff about how my body reacts to shots so they don’t worry when they happen. I know sometimes it makes them nervous to hear what can happen to me, but it’s better to tell them so they aren’t unexpected.
Fortunately, I didn’t pass out completely this time. I did black out a bit, which is what seems to be happening more and more for me. Maybe I need to stop saying I might pass out and say that I used to pass out but typically don’t. When I black out, my body tenses up and I hold my breath. I know that can be scary to see happening, but this nurse was prepared for me to react that way so she wasn’t scared. I also got super pale and clammy when I got the shot, which I wasn’t expecting. But it was fine. I was only blacked out for maybe 10 seconds and my breathing was back to normal as soon as I could focus again. The nurse had me stay seated in the chair for a few minutes (we were outside and there was no line, so I felt ok doing that) so she could make sure I wouldn’t pass out. And then I was on my way back home.
I think because my body tenses up when I get shots, my arm tends to hurt a bit more than what most people feel. They always tell you not to tense any muscles when getting a shot and to stay loose and limp. I do that, but then my body takes over and my muscles are activated. So I’m guessing I feel the way that someone would feel if they were making a muscle when getting a shot. I’m writing this and it’s been about 26 hours since the vaccine and my arm still feels like it’s a really bad bruise and it’s a bit stiff. But it’s much better than it was the day I got it, so I expect that I’ll be feeling fine in a day or two.
But even with blacking out and the sore arm, I have no regrets about getting a flu shot. This is something I am doing not only to protect myself but to protect anyone else I might be around. I’ll be doing another full quarantine soon so I can see my family, and the flu shot will also make sure that I won’t be bringing the flu to them. I’m trying to do whatever I can to stay healthy and the flu shot is something simple that accomplishes that goal.
So just like I said yesterday, wear a mask. But also, get a flu shot!
Posted onOctober 7, 2020|Comments Off on Please Wear A Mask And Stay Home If You Can (or This Shouldn’t Be Political)
When the pandemic started, I think most of us thought that maybe it would take a month or two but that it would be under control quickly. Yes, it was a lot of unknown stuff, but we were being told things to help us try to not get sick. I know that there was confusion at the beginning about if you should wear a mask or not and if this was airborne or on surfaces, but a lot of information hasn’t changed. Yet, here we are, almost 7 months later. And at least in some parts of the country, things have been shut down for that entire time.
I don’t know why this pandemic became a political point. Maybe the president thought it would blow over enough and he wouldn’t have to take a lot of action. Maybe that’s why he was telling people to not worry. I don’t know what he was thinking and I don’t need to know. All I know is that it has become so political and polarized if you believe things are bad or not. And I honestly don’t get it.
There’s no denying in my opinion that there is a pandemic that has killed more people than the standard flu or cold. Over 200,000 people have died. I have not known anyone personally who has died, but I have so many friends who have lost someone. They have lost parents, spouses, kids, family, and co-workers. I have known so many people who have gotten sick and recovered. Some of those people were getting very sick and I worried they wouldn’t make it. Many of them are still dealing with health issues. And we have no clue what the long-term effects will be if you had this at one point or not, even if you had no major symptoms.
What we are being asked to do is to wear a mask when you go out, stay at least 6 feet away from others, and stay home if you don’t have to go out. That’s not a lot. And yes, it is hard to stay home and the boredom and isolation are real. I’m experiencing that so much.
But boredom and isolation are so much better than being sick. My friends who have been sick have shared stories about how they felt. Some of them thought they were dying. Some of them felt like they couldn’t breathe and wondered if they were about to end up on a ventilator. The pain in their bodies that some of them described is worse than anything I have ever experienced, even on my worst pain days. I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone as it sounds truly horrendous and scary.
And I know the president just said how this was not that bad and we shouldn’t let our lives be taken over by the pandemic. But we don’t know if he’s completely healthy yet. I don’t believe if they have said he has tested negative yet. But keep in mind that the treatment he got was very different from what anyone else can get. He has a full medical staff in his home that monitored him before he went to the hospital. He was taken to the hospital in a helicopter. He was in the hospital for observation and not because he was seriously ill. He was given medications that no other person has gotten for this disease. When he went home, he still has a full medical staff taking care of him. And for all this treatment, he will have no medical bills. That’s not anything that anyone else could have.
I’ve seen so many stories of people who were very ill and turned away from the hospital because they didn’t need to be on a ventilator. There was just no room in the hospital for them or the medical team wanted to only have the sickest people there. They had to go home and either be alone or be with people in their homes who didn’t have medical training and were also terrified of getting sick since they didn’t have the PPE needed to be safe. And even if they were in the hospital, the medications and treatments the president got are not available at all hospitals. Some have said they would have no way to give a patient those medications because they were not available to them. So even if everything the president is saying is true and that this was something very easy for him to recover from, unless you have the same privileges that he has you might have a harder time getting over this.
I wish the president would have said something about how he feels very lucky that he had an easy recovery but he understands that is not the case for everyone. I wish he acknowledged how many people have died because they were sicker than he was or didn’t have the same medical advantages as he did. He seemed to feel like this is nothing and nobody should worry. But from my friends who have had this or have lost someone because of this disease, I know that we should be careful and worried that we might get sick.
Wearing a mask is not a sign you vote for one political party or another. It is a sign that you understand that there is a pandemic and that a mask can protect you and others. You might be asymptomatic and not know you are getting others sick. Or someone else might not know they have it and the mask will protect you. Understanding why some businesses can’t open just yet isn’t saying anything more than that you know that they cannot open and keep their customers and staff healthy and protected. I’m just as frustrated as anyone that things are closed. But I also know that we have ways of slowing down this disease so they can reopen. And all it takes is to wear a mask and stay home when you can.
It’s frustrating to see that the people who are protesting for things to open are the ones who won’t do what it takes to make it happen. But I will still do what I need to do in order to stay healthy and try to slow the spread. And hopefully, others will stop acting like a mask is a political button and will do the same so we can get this under control.
Posted onSeptember 24, 2020|Comments Off on More Weird Things About Isolation (or Just Trying To Be Aware)
I’m learning a lot about myself the longer we are all isolating from each other. I never knew how much I needed physical touch until I didn’t have it. I never considered myself a very touchy-feely person, but the more I think about it the more that I am. I’m used to hugging friends, getting high fives in workouts, going on dates, and just being around other people. I think a lot of people who used to say they would love to be alone more often are realizing that alone time isn’t what they want if they don’t have the balance of being out with people.
I’m also learning a lot about my mental health and mental well-being. I’ve realized how being isolated makes a lot of things worse for me. It’s almost like the time before I was open about my eating disorder. When things are secretive, they can be worse or you can obsess about them more. I think when things are not secretive but you aren’t around other people and have to be aware, it’s almost the same thing. I’m not keeping things secretive about my life and my struggles, but it feels like that because I’m alone with everything and nobody is there to help keep me accountable. I don’t need someone to babysit me and monitor me, but knowing that I’m going out to eat with a friend helps me keep my food under control for the day because I want to enjoy that meal out. I don’t love scales, but I do try to weigh myself. But more often than the number on the scale, I use clothes to help keep me accountable. When you are wearing all stretchy clothes and workout stuff, you don’t notice when your clothes feel different.
But the newer thing I’m learning about myself is how some things I thought I had under control can flare up again when I’m not living my normal life. I was diagnosed with mild OCD a long time ago. It’s never been that bad, but there were moments where it was almost impossible for me to move on until I did something “right”. Sometimes that right thing was checking my alarm clock until it felt like it was the perfect way to confirm it was going to go off in the morning. Sometimes it was having to move something in my house because I couldn’t focus on anything else until I did that. It never affected my life too much, but it was an inconvenience. I never did anything specific to treat my OCD, but it has faded away in the past few years and I can’t remember the last time it was triggered.
Or at least, I can’t remember the last thing before the pandemic. I don’t exactly know when my OCD started to come back because I wasn’t used to experiencing it for a long time. But recently, I’ve been noticing things that are clearly OCD moments. But they are things I have done for a little while, so I don’t know if I started doing them a month ago or 5 months ago. They aren’t anything too bad. Mainly making sure things are in a specific order in my house or that I do things in a certain routine. Nothing that is a big distraction from my life, but it is something I want to be aware of because I know it can get worse and I don’t want to get there.
I also know that my anxiety is worse now than it’s been in a long time, but that’s something that seems normal. If I wasn’t anxious, I would be avoiding reality. Even my therapist agrees that having a higher base level of anxiety isn’t something to worry about these days. I’m not treating it with medication because I want to work through it, but I know if it gets worse that I can start medications again. But I feel certain that the anxiety is more about the current situation in the world and not something more than that.
I’m hoping my OCD is also just because of the state of the world. But I am tracking things and taking notes in case I see it getting much worse or if it continues after things seem like they are more normal again. I’m not necessarily worried about myself, but I just want to be aware and alert so that I don’t ignore symptoms and signs if I see them.
Hopefully, things will continue to get better with the pandemic (finally it seems like the numbers here are going down) and soon I will be able to have some more things in my life that feel normal. And once I have those back, maybe my mental health will also go back to how it was before and these will just be minor blips in my life.
Posted onSeptember 15, 2020|Comments Off on 6 Months In (or I Want To Hope We Aren’t Doing This For 6 More Months)
6 months ago, everything seemed to have changed. The pandemic really changed how life is for so many of us. That was when the old normal ended. I stopped seeing friends, going out, doing things around others, and I started being nervous whenever I had to leave my house. At that time, so many of us thought this was just going to last a month or so. I don’t think any of us believed that 6 months later, we’d still be in the same situation.
I know that there are some states that never really shut down like California did and many have reopened more than we have. But as far as things in LA and California go, we’ve been doing this for 6 months. I know there are some people that are going out with others and taking risks that most of us wouldn’t, but most of the people I know are staying home and staying isolated almost all the time.
I have had a few times I’ve seen people either from a distance or after I have isolated. I’m in the middle of another 2-week quarantine so I can see my family soon. I’ve seen so few people in the last 6 months, I honestly can’t think about it too much or I get really upset.
6 months of no Orangetheory workouts in person. I know that it’s for the best, but it’s so sad and it’s a huge thing that I miss all the time. 6 months of no restaurant meals with friends (except for my birthday socially distant picnic). 6 months of no movies in a movie theater but I have watched a ton of movies on Netflix Party. 6 months of no dates except for phone and virtual dates. In 6 months, I think I have done grocery shopping in person under 10 times (grocery delivery may always be a part of my life now as I’m finding it helpful for managing binges).
Things do seem to be getting better, but I’m worried that they aren’t going to stay better for long. More and more people are going out, even when the guidelines say not to do it. We saw a big spike in cases after people went out for Memorial Day, and I know we are still waiting to see what happened after Labor Day. And even if they are getting better, I don’t know how many risks I want to take. I hate that I’ve gotten so scared to be outside of my house, but that’s the point I’ve gotten to now.
And being 6 months in makes me wonder if we will have to do this for another 6 months. It seems crazy to even think that, but 6 more months would get us to March. With people saying a vaccine might not be until the end of the year, guessing that we will have to do this until March doesn’t seem that crazy. If a vaccine is approved in December, it will take several months for everyone to get it. I don’t want to think about having to do this for another 6 months because I have gotten so lonely already. I feel like I’ve lost time and had so many setbacks and I don’t want to see more time and progress slip away. I’m trying to not be upset over something I don’t know will happen and that I can’t control, but it’s not easy. I’m so tired of dealing with this and sometimes feeling like I’m the only one doing it.
6 months ago, I had no idea what I was in for. I knew that things had changed, but I really clung to the idea that my life would be back to normal before I knew it. Now, it seems like my old life is so long ago and far from where I am now. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be back to it. All I can do is continue to do what I need to stay safe and healthy and try to be optimistic that I will be able to enjoy some of the things I miss again in the future.
Posted onSeptember 1, 2020|Comments Off on I Feel Like Every Monthly Challenge Is The Same (or Will This Be The Month I Get Back On Track?)
The longer we are told to stay at home, the harder I’m finding it to figure out new monthly challenges. My life seems stagnant. I don’t feel like anything in my life is moving forward. I’m trapped in this moment of time and nothing is changing. I know I’m not alone in this feeling, but that doesn’t make it easier to deal with. I’ve said that this year is going to be the lost year. I have to understand that I might not accomplish much at all this year. But if not accomplishing much means I stay safe and healthy, it’s worth it.
Most of my monthly challenges lately have been about trying to stay positive in this difficult time. And that’s exactly what last month’s challenge was all about. I wanted to try to focus on the good and track good things that happen to me each day. I know I need to remember that even on my worst day, there is something that was good about it. It might be something as small as eating something I like or being able to watch a good show on tv. But no matter what, there is always some good every single day.
I wasn’t sure how I would track these things, but it ended up just being easiest to combine it with my gratitude list that I made each night. I made sure that at least one thing listed on the gratitude list was something that made the day good. And there were some days that I had really good things like being able to see a friend or having an amazing workout. And there were plenty of days where the only good thing was that I slept ok or that I didn’t do something destructive. August wasn’t a horrible month for me, but it was still a tough one and I needed to make sure that I didn’t make things worse for me by forgetting the good that I had.
I’m planning on continuing this idea because I know that with each month that passes with the pandemic still being a huge concern, I’m feeling more and more disconnected from my life and what I have liked to do in the past. And I need to be reminded that things are not all bad and that there are some things from my life that I am still enjoying or that are good.
My monthly challenges for the past 6 months have all been along the same line. My motivation to do a lot of things isn’t that high right now, so I am trying to find challenges that aren’t too difficult to accomplish. And I try to find things that I know I need to do, especially with the setbacks that I’ve been encountering while staying at home.
And this month’s challenge is no different. I know I’m not on track with so many aspects of my life. I have been letting things go, ignoring stuff I should focus on, and haven’t been caring enough about things that I used to care about. Some of this is about my health and weight. My workouts haven’t been what I know they should be. My food is much worse than it’s been in a while. My sleep is still tough at times and I’m sometimes having a week or two with under 4 hours a sleep a night. And some of these things about my physical health is taking a toll on my mental health so I’m not focusing on doing things that I know will make me happy.
So this month, I want to work on getting back on track. I need to figure out a schedule for myself, even if I don’t have much to do. I need to prioritize myself more and to make sure that I’m setting myself up for things that will be positive for me. I need to get my food under control (or at least more regular). And I need to push myself harder in my workouts when I can.
I have gained weight in the past 6 months. I’m not happy about it. I don’t feel like myself. I hate that my clothes don’t fit me correctly. I feel like I have ruined so much that I have worked so hard for. I know that weight is not everything, but I want to get back to a place where I feel like myself, and I know weight is something holding me back. And hopefully getting myself back on track with other things will result in at least a little weight loss. I’m not too concerned about getting back into weight loss more than getting myself back to where I was at the beginning of the year. If I lose more than that, then I do. But that’s not the goal I’m giving myself right now.
Hopefully, focusing on the things that have been getting out of control will result in a lot of good things for me. And maybe it will make things easier for whenever we start transitioning back to what life was life at the beginning of the year. I know that eventually, that will happen and I want to make that as easy as a switch as possible. And if I can get my life to feel close to what it used to feel like, then I think that will be an easy change for me when it happens.
Posted onAugust 19, 2020|Comments Off on Learning A Lot About Healthcare (or More Union Education)
I have always thought I have been somewhat educated about the healthcare system. I know there are a lot of problems in our current system and there are places where things can slip through the cracks or be a failure for patients. For example, for me to get breast MRIs covered, I had to work with a geneticist to declare myself high-risk for breast cancer. Mammograms are covered as a cancer screening, but if you are told you should get MRIs to check for cancer they might not be. I have a similar issue with TB testing. The skin test (where you get the little bubble under your skin) is free. I cannot do the skin test because when I was 18 I was exposed to TB (I never had it and took medication for a year to make sure I wouldn’t get it). I need chest x-rays. But my insurance wants to charge $500 a view for those. I’m still trying to get those covered so I don’t have to pay $1000 for something most people can do for free.
But even with all the problems with healthcare, I know I’m lucky. I have good doctors who I know are making sure I’m ok and healthy. I do have coverage for most things that I need and usually, it’s a pretty easy system to get care in. I don’t have cheap insurance because I pay for it as an individual, but it could be much worse and it was much worse before the ACA went into effect.
I’ve never been eligible for healthcare through my work. I have had day jobs where I was working full-time, but you had to be there for a very long time before you could sign up. I wasn’t at that job long enough (I think it was 1 year before insurance and I was there 10 months), but I knew that I wouldn’t take that insurance because I was in the middle of my hip issues and the work insurance was the wrong insurance company. I’ve had other day jobs that gave everyone who worked at least 35 hours a week insurance after 30 days. But they kept us all at 34 hours or under.
And I’ve never been eligible for healthcare from my union. The healthcare plan is a separate organization from my union, but that plan is only for members of the union. You have to earn a certain amount of money or work enough days to be eligible. It’s something that is a goal for me (although I don’t know if I’d sign up for the healthcare if I could get it because it is not the insurance all my doctors are with). But just because I’m not eligible doesn’t mean I don’t want to understand the plan and the options. I also feel like I need to be informed so I can do my work with my slate’s social media as successfully as possible.
Recently, the healthcare plan for the union announced some changes. They usually do changes each year, just like any other healthcare plan. But of course, this year things are different since work has been almost completed stopped for almost half a year (and we have no idea when it will be coming back). People are worried about a lot of things regarding healthcare, even if you don’t have to worry about being eligible.
And I know that some people are not happy about the changes to the union plan. I don’t think they are great, but I also know that they could be much worse. For example, the old healthcare plan had 2 levels with different income eligibility requirements. The new plan only has 1 level and the income requirements are between what the old 2 were. However, there is a new COBRA relief plan for anyone who has income at the old lower eligibity level. If you are at that old level but don’t make the new one, the plan pays for 80% of your COBRA premiums. That makes COBRA close to the cost of the regular premiums. That’s much better than having to pay full COBRA.
Of course, some people did not make enough to be eligible for that and their options now are to go on regular COBRA or find individual insurance. Fortunately, since the ACA made pre-existing conditions not an issue for insurance anymore, individual insurance is typically much more affordable than it used to be. I’m sure it’s horrible to know that you are not going to get the health insurance that you were planning on and it might not have been your fault. You might have been on track to make enough and then things shut down. But I’ve been talking to friends who are in that situation to make sure they know the options and to connect them to people who know how to help people who are buying individual insurance go through all the options to find the best plan.
The union has been doing some webinars about the healthcare plan and I was able to attend one last week. They explained the realities of the costs of healthcare. And yes, a huge problem happening with all insurance plans is the insane cost of care. A medication could be listed at $10,000 and the insurance plan has to cover that. But it doesn’t have to cost that much because it’s only $250 in other countries. But the insurance plans have to cover the cost for here. So that makes things expensive for anyone. Also, the way the union healthcare plan is funded is mainly from contributions from our employers (the producers for the projects we work on). With no work, there are no contributions. We did just have a big victory with our last contract by getting a huge increase in the contributions. But we need to work to see that in effect.
They also explained all the options that everyone has, whether or not they met the income requirements. Even though none of them apply to me, I’m glad I understand what the requirements are for different things and how people who might not hit that level can still have options. I want to be able to answer questions that people have and I understand things a lot more than I did before.
Healthcare in this country is complicated no matter how you get it. You might have eligibility requirements that are difficult or confusing to get. You might have to figure out individual insurance and what things you need or don’t need. Even when you have insurance, you might have to fight to get things covered because they aren’t exactly how everyone else gets treated or checked. I think universal healthcare has never been more important than now. Not just because of the issues some insurance companies are running into, but because everyone needs healthcare no matter what. It shouldn’t be tied to your job. So many people lost their job this year and also lost their insurance. You should never had to worry about how you will get healthcare if things change in your life.
Almost Giving It A Full Try (or Ending Things Early)
