Last week, I wrote about how I was debating again about reducing how frequently I write blog posts. It wasn’t the first time I was thinking about doing that, but for some reason, it felt different to me. I’m not sure what is making this time different, but I’ve just had a lot of thoughts and reflections on how I’m spending my day each day and what I’m sharing with the world.
I’m so glad that I have shared a lot of things here and I know that it has helped other people, but I also feel weird sometimes knowing that I’m out doing something and I will be writing about it later. I do try to keep things private as far as other people go, so I don’t usually say names unless that person has given me the ok to do so. And I don’t share a lot of details that others tell me because those aren’t my stories to tell. But it’s still a weird feeling being on a date or something and knowing that will make a good blog post and not feeling like I can tell my date about it. And then there is always the fear that they will find my blog and see the posts I’ve written about them. It’s not just with dates, doing things with my friends usually have become blog posts and I don’t like that I always have that mindset. It takes me out of experiencing things as they are happening and makes me think about how I can craft the story I want to tell. Even with some things about my health, I don’t necessarily want to share everything. It’s not because I’m ashamed or gatekeeping anything, but health issues really can vary from person to person so I don’t want to say something that happened to me and have others feel like that’s how it is for everyone.
And when I’m struggling with what I want to write, I feel like I have to take more and more from my life and turn them into posts. Even if I wasn’t planning on writing about something, if I’m really stuck for what I want to write I feel like that’s the only option I have. That pressure hasn’t been horrible, but it does happen from time to time, and I have to decide if that idea is worth writing about, if it’s interesting, or if I’m sharing something that I really want to keep private for now. I don’t necessarily regret any of the posts I’ve written, but I do feel like there are some that I don’t really love. Writing 5 days a week for over 10 years is a lot and my life really isn’t that interesting. I do have some interesting days, but to come up with that many posts means that there are a lot of boring or repetitive posts.
And after I wrote that post last week, the idea of changing my post frequency really just stuck with me. I normally write a post about thinking of doing that and then it leaves my brain. Almost like I just needed to put it out there and then I’m fine. But this time, I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind. And it doesn’t help that I really don’t have anything planned for a while for posts outside of my Monday workout recaps.
So I’ve decided that for May, I want to see if I feel comfortable writing less frequently. I’m torn between wanting to have 2 or 3 posts a week, but it will likely be one of those. And my plan is to still do a workout recap on Mondays and then I’ll do either 1 or 2 other posts during the week. I’m not sure which day or days I’ll post the other ones. It may depend on what I have to write about.
As much as I feel like this is the right move, it’s hard not to think that somehow I’m failing because I take a lot of pride in the fact that I’ve written 5 days a week for over 10 years. But at the same time, the person I was 10 years ago or even 3 years ago is different from who I am today. When I started this blog, I couldn’t have even imagined that I’d still be writing over a decade later. So the ideas I had for myself back then don’t have to be what I hold myself to now.
I also know this might not be the right move for me and I might change my mind. But I want to give it a try and see if maybe I will have a bit less stress since I won’t be spending as much time thinking of ideas and writing. If it works, then I’ll continue with the new plan until I think I need another change. If I hate writing less often, then I can go back to my old ways. This change doesn’t have to be permanent, but I do think it’s a good move going forward.
And no matter what ends up happening with this blog and the frequency of posts, I am so proud that I was able to maintain this schedule for as long as I did. It was a real challenge for me at first since being so public was foreign to me. But for a lot of the struggles I went through over the last decade, having this outlet to write out my feelings has really benefitted me. And I think even with less frequent posts, I’ll still be able to have that same benefit for myself.
Posted onApril 27, 2023|Comments Off on Forgetting A Medical Miracle Anniversary (or It’s Nice That This Isn’t Something I Think About)
I completely forgot to celebrate the anniversary of my not needing to have liver surgery! I’m usually pretty good about remembering dates and anniversaries, even the weird ones, and somehow this one just slipped my mind. I know it’s not something that I have to remember every year, and with my liver, there are a few different dates that are milestones. But I usually seem to remember to celebrate mid-April when I found out the tumors were shrinking and when I was supposed to have surgery but didn’t need it. I don’t always celebrate on the same date, but April 20th is when the surgery was supposed to be so that date usually sticks in my head.
I’m not too upset that I forgot to celebrate this. I do like to celebrate how awesome it is that this all worked out this way for me, but it’s also nice that it’s not something that dominates my mind anymore. From when I found out about the tumors until the surgery was canceled, this really was a huge focus of my life. I tried to not always think about it, but it’s hard not to when you are preparing for a major surgery and staying in the hospital for an unknown amount of time. Even just planning things out with my parents and where I’d be recovering took a lot of time and organization. And after we found out the tumors were shrinking, I still thought about the tumors a lot because I was always worried that my next scan would show that they grew or something else was wrong.
When I had my last liver MRI, which was exactly 5 years to the day since the first one, the tumors didn’t show any growth or change and my liver surgeon agreed that I no longer need to be monitored. I will always probably have at least one of the tumors (only one is visible but the other two might still be there but too small to be seen), but they are no longer a health risk for me. And since I don’t have to be monitored, I’m not really thinking about it anymore. I don’t have to be scared that something will happen because of how big the tumors are or the various risks that I was warned about when they were found.
This is different from how things are with my hip. I’m frequently reminded of the pain and the fact that I still need surgeries in the future. I can’t ignore that this is still an ongoing health issue for me. I guess the tumors can be considered an ongoing health issue as well, but it’s not something I have to confront on a regular basis. I’m not ignoring the fact that I have them, so I’m still not really drinking since that can stress my liver and I won’t go back on hormonal birth control since that would likely make the tumors grow again. There are a few things in my future that might require me to be monitored again, but they aren’t things that I need to worry about or that would happen unexpectedly.
And the more I’m removed from thinking that I need to have surgery, the more likely it will be that I forgot to remember about it. I’ve had so many random health things I’ve had to deal with over the years, and it’s not a bad thing to not always remember all of them. And yes, celebrating something awesome like not needing surgery is good. But not having to spend time thinking about a stressful time in my life is probably better.
Posted onApril 26, 2023|Comments Off on Finding The Perfect Piece (or I’m Glad I Didn’t Buy Just Anything)
As I’ve said multiple times about getting everything set up in my home, I have a lot of things I still want to get but I’m not rushing into buying things. I want to find the right things and not just get something to have a new item. I’m also more willing to spend a bit more on things since I want to get nice pieces and something that will last. I have been lucky with a few of the things I have gotten that were cheap, but I know that’s not always the case.
I have a few different websites that I look at from time to time to search for what I still want to find. I know things online don’t change that often, but you never know when they will update what they carry and when you might find exactly what you want. It is a bit hard since I don’t know what I want for everything, but it’s usually pretty clear whether something has potential.
One of the categories I’ve been looking at online has been outdoor furniture. I have an outdoor table because it is made from extra material from my kitchen counters placed on top of 2 cheap tables. It’s a nice piece and probably fancier than what I would have bought if I was looking in a store, but I like it. But besides from broken plastic chairs that came with my condo, I didn’t have any seating for my patio. So when I wanted to sit outside, I had to bring a towel with me and sit on top of that. It’s not the worst option, and it’s better than having no outdoor space, but I knew I wanted to find some seating. I had an idea of what I would want, but I also knew that would depend on what I found and the sizes of those pieces.
I was looking at the IKEA website recently and noticed they added a few new outdoor couches and chairs. And I found a set that looked like it could be perfect! It came as a loveseat as well as a chair, and I thought that those 2 could be exactly what I’ve been looking for. A lot of outdoor furniture is wood, and I had been warned that there could be a lot of maintenance with wood and needing to stain it every year. But this set was a metal mesh, so it wouldn’t have that same concern. It was more expensive than the wooden pieces, but not too unreasonable compared to what I had been looking at online.
But I wanted to make sure they were comfortable before buying, even though I knew I could always return it. So I went to the big IKEA with my friend Robert this past weekend to check them out and see if these were what I wanted. And he also had some things he wanted to look at, so it was perfect for us to go together.
We found the loveseat and chair pretty quickly and tested them out. And they were so comfortable! They are very deep, but I have the space on my patio for them (which is one of the advantages of having a patio versus a balcony). I had shown my parents these pieces before I went, and I wanted to send them a photo of how nice they were, but I only got one of the chair. But you can tell how big the chair is and can imagine what two of those side by side would be for the loveseat.
I wanted to measure my patio again before ordering, so I knew that I would be ordering them online when I got home. But I was glad that I confirmed that they were comfortable and I liked how they looked. Robert and I continued with our shopping, but I didn’t get anything other than an Icee when we were done. But he found what he needed so I considered it a very successful outing.
When I got home, I realized that I probably wouldn’t have the space to do both the loveseat and chair. I talked to my parents some more, and we figured that I should just get the loveseat and see how things look. I can always buy the chair another time if I think it would be right. And my parents said that they would buy the loveseat as an early birthday present for me!
I’m so excited to be able to use my patio more this summer. I really didn’t get much use out of it last year, but once I can build the loveseat I can enjoy my evenings and weekends out there just reading and relaxing. And I still want to probably get a few more things for my patio, but just having somewhere to sit other than on the ground is a great start!
Posted onApril 25, 2023|Comments Off on A Delayed Annual Review (or Thankful For Some Job Security)
Normally, annual job reviews come at the end of the year or just after the new year starts. Because of a few different things happening at my main day job, our annual reviews were delayed so that they would be a bit more accurate. The executive team knew that looking at our performance during a time when things are not normal and we were doing different tasks wouldn’t be the best way to review us. So we were told in January that our reviews would be delayed until April.
I didn’t mind the delay since I wasn’t worried about how my review would go. I know I’m not perfect, but I have been feeling more secure about my job as changes have happened and I’ve been given more responsibilities. I handle a lot of things now that were done by someone higher up than me. I also have created a lot of different projects of things that I have noticed needed to be done. And I’m always being trained on new procedures so I can take that task off of someone else’s agenda. I know that being given extra responsibilities doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have to worry about your job being safe, but it is a reassurance that things are going well and that the people higher up than you have trust in you.
Before my annual review, there was a self-assessment that I had to fill out. It was almost the same as past assessments I had to do for this job. Most of the questions were about how I felt like my work was going and if I felt like my time was being used efficiently. There were also questions about how communication was going with those higher up, but I tried to focus more on questions that I had more control over such as how I was doing. I tried to be as honest as possible about where I had setbacks or difficulties. I didn’t say that I was doing everything right, but I also tried to problem-solve a bit when mentioning a problem such as what steps I was waiting on from others to be able to do my work. I had to turn in my form a few days before my review, but I finished earlier since I used some free time I had to get it done.
And when I had my official review, it went pretty much how I expected it to go. My main concern was if my boss felt my self-assessment was accurate or if they felt like I was too hard or easy on myself. Fortunately, she said that she agreed with everything that I wrote and that I had a good grasp on how I was doing with my job and as a part of the company. Even though I felt pretty certain this would be how my review went, it was a relief to hear her say that. I’ve been doing better about not being worried about being fired whenever I have a meeting coming up, but I still have that fear in the back of my head from time to time. I’ve been lucky that it’s been a very long time since I lost a job randomly, but I will probably always worry a little bit that it will happen again. But I just try to tell myself that I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing within the company if I was going to be fired soon.
Because I’ve had some job responsibility changes recently, there weren’t a lot of other things to go over in my annual review. My job title isn’t changing since I’m already at a senior staff level and right now we aren’t getting raises because that will hopefully be coming at the end of this year. But last year I had more than the average number of raises, so that makes sense to me. And I know that I’m making more than I did before the pandemic with my other jobs, so I’m happy. Of course, I think everyone would like to make more, but I’m lucky that I’m comfortable right now.
I know that things can change quickly, but after my review, I feel even better about being in a good spot with my job. The higher ups recognize the work I’ve been doing and they have been happy with the results. And hopefully, when I have my next review, things will be just as positive as they were this time.
Posted onApril 24, 2023|Comments Off on Some Fun Workouts For The Week (or Having A Really Good Week)
I had a really good workout week this past week, which made me so happy. I had a bit of a challenging week with stress and other things weighing on me, but my workouts helped me have something positive throughout the week. And even though I still hate waking up so early, I know that starting off my day with someone good really did help me manage everything else I dealt with in my day.
Monday’s workout was a signature workout. We had the Inferno class, which I’ve done several times. This is a rowing challenge so the other sections of the room aren’t as tough to maximize what you can do on the rower. I almost always start with cardio, so I had my rowing section second.
For cardio, we had 2 blocks. The first block had rounds of a push pace to a base pace. The push pace started at 30 seconds and went up by 15 seconds and the base pace stayed at 30 seconds each time. And that block ended with a 1-minute all-out. The second block was similar, but the push paces stayed at 30 seconds and the base pace increased by 15 seconds each time. And again, we had a 1-minute all-out to end the block. I wasn’t going too easy on cardio, but I also tried to not go too hard since I wanted to do really well on the rower.
For the 3 group class, the Inferno workout is a mix of rowing and a floor exercise. We start with a 100-meter row and then we have 20 lateral hops. I did the hops and side steps, but I think that was a good modification. We increase the row by 100 meters each time and the lateral hops stay the same. And the goal is to get as many meters on the rower as possible. I looked at my past Inferno results before this class, so I knew I wanted to just get close to 2000 meters since that was similar to my past attempts. But at the end of the rowing block, I really went hard so I could get all the meters possible. And when the 14 minutes were up, I had a new PR!
I was very happy with that result and I didn’t really expect to PR. But considering all the work I’ve been putting into my rowing form and endurance, it makes sense that I would be able to accomplish that.
And on the floor, we also had 2 blocks that were designed to not be too difficult for people who had the floor before rowing. The first block had chest flys, lateral arm raises, and step-downs. And the second block had standing rotations on the straps, reverse flys, and push-ups. Since I had already completed my rowing, I did go harder and heavier on the floor. But I was also a bit tired after pushing myself so I didn’t have any crazy increases in what I could do.
Tuesday’s workout was a good mix of endurance, strength, and power. And I was pretty happy with which section of the room had each type of workout because I think it fit what my abilities were that day.
Each section of the room had 2 blocks. Both of the cardio blocks were focused on doing incline work at 45-second intervals. For the first block, we started by increasing the incline/resistance level every 45 seconds for 4 intervals and then we decreased the incline/resistance level to get back to a flat incline before doing an all-out. In the second block, we started at the top of the hill and worked our way down before working back up and then going back to a flat road for our all-out. The resistance levels didn’t have to get too high, but I made sure that I did them so I was working above my usual all-out level for the 2 highest levels. That meant I was pedaling very slowly, but I enjoyed the challenge.
Both of the rowing blocks focused on an endurance row. We started and ended each block with a 30-second exercise and we rowed for distance the rest of the time. In the first block, the exercise was squats and in the second block, the exercise was in and out steps. It was about 5 minutes of rowing in each block, and I was hoping to not need to take any breaks during the row since I proved to myself during the Dri-Tri that I could do that. But I think the cardio blocks tired me out a bit so I did take a little break in the middle of each row. But I still did better than expected.
And on the floor, we had 2 exercises for each block. In the first block, we had single-arm high rows and step-ups. And in the second block, we had single-arm chest presses and step-downs. The step-ups and step-downs were supposed to be done with weights, but just doing the exercises instead of doing lunges is a challenge for me and I knew I couldn’t add weights to either one. I just took my time with those exercises since I do still lose my balance from time to time. But even without a weight and going slowly, I felt how tough both exercises were for me.
Wednesday wasn’t anything unique or crazy, but it was still a good workout and I was pushing myself since I was having a good week.
We had 3 blocks for cardio. The first block had 2 rounds of a 1-minute push pace and a 30-second base pace with a 1-minute all-out at the end. The second block had 1-minute intervals with increasing speed for a total of 4 minutes. And the last block had a 3-minute push pace with a 1-minute all-out at the end. The goal was to match or beat your distance from the first block in the last block. I didn’t track my distance since that’s not very easy to do from block to block on the bike, but I felt like I was doing a lot more in the last block so I think I was very close to my first distance if I didn’t beat it.
On the rower, we also had 3 blocks. Each block had a specific distance to row and an exercise to do between each row. The first block was a 200-meter row and pogo hops. I did my best with the hops, but they were a bit more like calf raises with a little bounce. The second block was a 150-meter row and side-to-side steps. And the last block was a 100-meter row and twisting hops, which I did as squats. Since it takes me a bit of time to get on and off the rower, I didn’t get in a lot of rounds each block, but I did my best.
And on the floor, each of the 3 blocks had 2 exercises. The first block had lunges to hops and plank taps. The second block had single-arm clean-to-press and plank jacks. And the last block had single-arm snatches and hip bridges. I went very heavy with my hip bridges since I know I can do a lot of weight for those. And for the lunges to hops, I balanced against the wall and did my best with getting the full exercise done.
Thursday’s workout was a themed workout because it was National Squat Day. So of course, the workout had a ton of squats in it. As much as I know squats are a good exercise, they are tough for me to do with my hip issues. So I knew I’d have to take some breaks throughout the workout to not hurt myself too much.
Fortunately, for cardio, we had no squats and it was just cardio work. The first and the last blocks were the same. We started with a 1-minute all-out followed by a 30-second recovery. We continued that pattern with the all-outs decreasing by 15 seconds each time. And we ended each of those blocks with a 15-second all-out, which we never really do. I didn’t change my resistance levels for the shorter all-outs, but I did really try to pedal faster as they got shorter. And for the second block, we spent most of the time at a push pace. But every 30 seconds, we had a 15-second surge where we were supposed to go faster. The idea we were given was if we were in a race and trying to overtake a competitor. That was something different and I liked trying to do short bursts of faster pedaling since that is close to what I like to do during the Dri-Tri.
On the rower, blocks 1 and 3 were similar. We started with an exercise for 6 reps and then did a 100-meter row. Then we did the exercise for 8 reps and another 100-meter row. That pattern continued through the block with the exercise increasing each time and the row staying the same. In the first block, the exercise was goblet squats. And in the third block, the exercise was sumo squats. And the second block matched cardio with the push pace and surges. I did have to take a few breaks in that row, but I was happy that I was able to do the surge rows each time with increased wattage on the rower.
On the floor, again blocks 1 and 3 were the same. We were timed with cardio for those blocks and it was all different types of squats. When cardio was in recovery, we had those 30 seconds to get 10 squats to calf raises done and if there was any time left we could rest. And when cardio was in an all-out, we had different exercises. For the 1-minute intervals, we had step-out squats. For the 45-second intervals, we had sumo squats with weights. For the 30-second intervals, we had kneeling squats to stands which I did as a squat hold. And for the 15-second intervals, we had speed squats so we just did as many squats as we could as quickly as possible. Those floor blocks were really hard on my hips and I just had to listen to my body and rest if I knew I couldn’t keep going. I tried not to be too frustrated when I took breaks since I knew those breaks allowed me to do more than if I hurt myself. And in the middle block, we were on our own timing with side-to-side step-out squats and bicycle crunches. This block was a little easier since we could rest more, but those side-to-side squats were a lot harder than they looked!
I really feel like this past week of workouts represented what I wish each week could be for me. I did push myself hard, even though I had moments when I couldn’t quite accomplish everything. But I left each workout feeling like I had some really great moments and I didn’t think I held myself back too much. If only every week for me was this great!
Posted onApril 21, 2023|Comments Off on 1 Year Of Living In My Condo (or I Do Feel Settled In)
1 year ago, I had a moving truck move most of my furniture from my rental to my condo. This move was one that felt like it took months, and in a way, it did take months. I moved things very slowly into the condo, starting from when I got the keys. I didn’t move much into my place until most of the renovation was done, but the renovation also felt like moving in since I was picking appliances and other items to have here. And once the renovation was getting close to being done, I started to move a few boxes of stuff over almost every day until I had officially moved out of my rental.
When I had the moving truck move my stuff, that was when I really felt like I had moved in. My bed was already here since I got a new bed for the condo, but having my couch, tv, and desk really made the condo somewhere I could live and work. Even though a lot of the furniture I moved over here has been replaced or will be getting replaced, I made things liveable for me as soon as I could.
I didn’t give up my keys to my rental until the last day of April last year, but those last few days there were only for me to finish giving away some things I had there and for doing a big cleaning so I could make sure I get my deposit back. Once I was sleeping and working at the condo, my old place stopped feeling like home to me. It’s crazy how quickly things switched from it feeling like my place to feeling like it was just a random place. But it took longer for the condo to feel like it was my home.
I had things in boxes for a very long time. I am the type of person that likes to unpack and get organized as soon as possible, but it wasn’t that simple for me after my move. I needed to get a lot of things to be set up, so keeping things in boxes was the best solution until I had what I needed. And I do still have 2 boxes of things, but those are mainly things that I want to have in my office when I eventually buy the bookcase Murphy bed that I will hopefully get in the near future. But I’m able to keep those boxes in a closet, so they aren’t sticking out and obvious anymore. Once I finally got rid of the boxes that I was seeing all the time, I felt so much more settled.
The condo felt like a space in flux for a long time, and I think that was preventing me from fully feeling like I’m home. I also had things that I was still trying to figure out where I wanted to put them and I knew that once they were displayed, I would feel more like it was my place. I also think getting some new furniture that fits the size of my condo better really helped because my old living room furniture really made me feel like I was just using furniture temporarily here and that it wasn’t meant to be what I had permanently. It’s weird how getting furniture that fits properly like a new tv or tv stand really can make things feel more grounded.
All of the things I want to replace or buy now are things that I don’t necessarily need or will make the condo feel more like home. I can’t wait until I get the bookcase Murphy bed because that just looks incredible. I also will be getting a new desk that will be much more functional for me. My current desk isn’t bad, but I know I can get something that fits my needs better. And I’m looking at getting a new dining room set because what I currently have starting to show a lot of signs of age (but it is 50 years old so it’s not weird that it’s starting to fall apart a bit). I also need to get some outdoor furniture so I can really enjoy my outdoor space, but it hasn’t been easy to find what I want at a price I can afford. But I keep looking and don’t feel like I need to rush to get something so I’m waiting for something perfect.
This last year has really been a year of getting settled into my new home. It wasn’t easy leaving a home I had been in for 12 years, but I’m so much happier where I am now. I’ve also learned so much about what I need to feel like I’m home and what I need to do to feel like I’m living in a space. And this is just the first year of hopefully a long time here, so I have plenty of time to keep working on new projects, finding new pieces that fit in here, and really making this place my perfect home.
Posted onApril 20, 2023|Comments Off on Doing My Best To Stay Calm (or At Least I’ll Have A Longer Break Between Appointments This Time)
I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t dealing with a lot of anxiety around going to the dentist. I’m sure as a kid I wasn’t as bad as I am now, but I don’t think I’ve ever really been ok going in. I know I do what I should do for my teeth, but genetics really haven’t been on my side and I’ve had so many issues with my teeth. And combining that with a few really bad dentist appointments that really went wrong, I think my anxiety is never going to fully go away. I’ll admit that it has gotten better over time, but I’m always so stressed as I’m going into an appointment.
My last appointment didn’t go as well as they normally do. It wasn’t horrible, but things just took longer and things weren’t as easy as I’ve gotten used to. There are a couple of reasons why this might have happened, but after that appointment, I really told myself I needed to be better about making sure I do everything I could for my teeth. I mainly use a water flosser because I do better with that than normal floss, but I knew I needed to try to use regular floss more often. And I’m not always good about brushing my teeth after eating lunch, but I made an effort to try to do that when I could. Sometimes when I don’t really eat lunch, but instead I eat a snack over a long period of time, that’s not as simple to do. But even a little extra effort can always make a difference.
I felt somewhat hopeful when going into my appointment earlier this week, but I was still shaking as I was walking into the building and waiting in the waiting room. And I wasn’t calming down when I got brought back for my appointment. I feel bad because I know I look mean and a bit rude at the beginning of my appointments, but it’s just me trying to stay calm. I know if I talk too much or think too much about it, my panic attacks will hit me. So I just try to stay quiet and get things started so I can get them over with.
Fortunately, I was right and this appointment went a lot better than the last one. It was easy for me to get through and I had to really focus on trying to not shake too much, but at least I didn’t get any bad news and things went quickly because there wasn’t a lot that had to be done. And because of the timing of when my appointments have been, I was almost due to get new x-rays. But I asked if that could wait until my next appointment because I knew I wanted to be a bit more mentally prepared for that since that can also bring up bad news like fillings that need to be done. Since I’m not experiencing any pain or weird symptoms, my dentist allowed me to wait until just after I’m due for x-rays to get the next set. I know that my next appointment will be a bit more panic-inducing because I know those will be coming up, but I’ll just have to deal with that when it happens.
And I’m a little extra nervous on top of that for my next appointment because I’m actually not going back for 6 months. For a long time, I went to the dentist every 3 or 4 months because of the issues I had. But things have been a lot better over the last few appointments, even with the worse appointment last time, and my dentist said we can switch to me coming in every 6 months. I’m a little hesitant about that since I know that waiting longer could mean that things won’t be as good, but hopefully all the effort I put in at home will continue to pay off and it won’t be as bad as I fear. And if that appointment doesn’t go that well, I can always go back to every 4 months to keep things easier on me.
So I’m excited that I don’t have to deal with being this scared again for 6 months, but I know it won’t be the easiest appointment since there will be x-rays and it’s going to be a bit of an unknown. But hopefully, this last appointment going well is a good omen and things won’t be as bad as I think they might be.
Every so often, I wonder if I should continue writing here or write as frequently as I have been. Sometimes I question it because my life just doesn’t seem that interesting anymore. Sometimes it’s because I know I’m not writing here for the same reasons I did before. And when it was the start of the pandemic, I wondered what I could write about when I was going to be isolated at home. Every time I’ve wondered if I should change things, I usually just decide that I will see how things go and allow myself to change them up if I feel like it’s necessary. But in the end, I never change anything and have continued to write every weekday for almost 11 years now.
I know that these feelings will recur since I will always run into issues like writer’s block or wondering if there is a point to doing what I’m doing. And I’m experiencing those feelings again now. But this time, I can’t exactly pinpoint what’s causing them.
Some of the feelings are probably due to writer’s block since there are so many times that I honestly have to think for a while about what I could possibly write about. I don’t necessarily want to write something just to make sure I don’t miss a day here, but there are plenty of posts that have been written exactly for that reason. I also think I’m feeling very removed from the blogging world compared to how I used to be. I never was super involved, but I used to get invitations to random events or have things that I could potentially go to because I write. I don’t know if all that ended because of the pandemic or if I’m just not famous or popular enough to be included anymore. And I used to love reading other blogs, and I just haven’t been interested in reading them as much anymore. I still read blogs that are written by friends, but I’m rarely reading blogs that are written by people I don’t know personally.
Of the blogs that I still read, I’ve noticed that a lot of people have reduced the frequency of their posts. So many of them used to post every weekday like I do and now post maybe twice a week. But they aren’t on a regular schedule. They just post when they have something to say, which is something that I’ve really considered. I think most of them like not having the pressure on themselves to get something posted 5 days a week and struggling to find content. And while I don’t struggle every week, it’s often enough that I’m thinking if I should make a change as I have considered multiple times.
I also wonder how interesting my life really is. I have a pretty routine and boring life with some random fun things happening from time to time. I write about the same issues with my eating disorder, dating, being in a rut, and health issues all the time. I know these posts are getting repetitive to read because they also feel repetitive to write. But I struggle with the idea of not having a routine with writing since I don’t want to be out of the habit and never write here again.
So I’m back to the same questions I’ve had multiple times over the years. Should I just try to write twice a week and have that as my new schedule? Maybe one post about fitness and one post about something else that happened in my life. And if I have a lot of things happening in my life, it’s not a horrible thing to write about something a few weeks after it actually happened. When I started this blog, I never expected to be writing this long. I’ve written over 2800 posts, which seems crazy that I’ve had so much to say when it feels like so little has happened in my life in the last decade at times. I know I’ve had a few big changes, but overall it doesn’t seem like things are that different from when I wrote my first post.
I’m not going to make any rushed decisions. I have struggled with the idea of changing how often I write several times and I don’t want to make a decision that doesn’t necessarily feel right for me. But the more I have these thoughts, the more I think I need to get out of what is essentially a comfort zone and push myself to do something that scares me. Maybe a change would be good for me. And if I don’t like it, I can always change things back to how they are now. It’s just tough to consider making a change that has been a regular part of my life for over a decade now.
Posted onApril 18, 2023|Comments Off on Another Virtual Board Meeting (or I’m Glad I Could Join This Time)
Before the pandemic, I was pretty good about attending the SAG-AFTRA local board meetings as an observer for a few years. I’m a little disappointed that it took me so many years to prioritize going to those, but I was glad that I finally got into the routine of attending and being much more involved in the union. And during the beginning of the pandemic, the local board meetings continued, but they didn’t allow observers into the Zoom meetings. It was sad to see something that I had grown to look forward to and appreciate not available anymore, but I understood that everyone was doing the best that they could.
They finally started to let members be observers for the local board meetings again recently. But they are still limited to a specific number of observers just like with the in-person meetings. Because these meetings are announced in emails and I get a lot of emails every day, there have been times I’ve missed the announcement for signing up to be an observer and I can’t even get on the wait list. But after that happened the most recent time, I told myself that I just needed to read all the emails I get as soon as I can to make sure that I’m not missing anything.
And that plan worked because when the most recent local board meeting was announced and members could sign up to be an observer, I did it right away. I’m glad that I was able to get a spot so I could participate in the limited manner we were able to.
Attending a virtual meeting as an observer is a very different experience from going in person. I have the same rules as an observer so I’m not participating in the meeting no matter what. But there is something different about the pre-meeting stuff when you are there with others as well as just sitting in on the meeting with other people in the room compared to seeing people on a Zoom screen. I know that a virtual meeting is better than no meeting, but I still miss the in-person ones. But I do like that I don’t have to worry about traffic and I can dress much more comfortably when I’m sitting in front of my computer.
As with all local board meetings, a lot of what was said is confidential and I can’t really say what we talked about, even in really board terms. But I can share that something that was discussed was how the union just recently bought a building. This has been a discussion for a very long time, but the timing wasn’t right in the past to buy a building. I know years ago when there was a serious search, the good options were all very far from the main part of LA and that wasn’t something the union wanted to do. I think the timing worked out this time because there are a lot more vacant commercial spaces because businesses have been closing or going fully remote. And I’m sure there were other financial factors that came into play that aren’t public that made now the right time to buy and this building the best option for us.
I will have a much longer drive there when we move to the new building since it is in the valley, but I’ll figure out how to make it work when that time comes. And there aren’t a ton of meetings I go to at the union building, so it won’t be that often. I have a feeling a lot of meetings will continue to have a virutal option, so if I can’t drive over there one day, there will be another way for me to attend or participate.
With the other things that were discussed in the meeting, a lot of them were new to me so I’m glad I was able to learn about more things that will be coming up with the union. I really do try my best to stay informed and educated, but it hasn’t been as easy the past few years. There aren’t as many opportunities to be a part of union events or meetings, so I have to take advantage of the few that are out there and make sure I RSVP in time so I can get a spot.
I don’t know when the next local board meeting will be or if there will still allow observers to attend, but I’m hoping I’ll get another change to sit in and learn. And when they do return to in-person events, I’ll be ready and excited to see everyone in person and feel much more a part of what is going on.
Posted onApril 17, 2023|Comments Off on Another Mixed Workout Week (or Going Easy And Pushing Hard)
This past week of workouts was kind of odd for me. I knew that I might have a little bit of pain and nausea at the beginning of the week, but I expected that things would be getting better throughout the week and each day would be better than the day before. And most of the week did go that way, but I also had a bit of a weird day in the middle of things too.
I was only feeling a little off on Monday, which was a nice change from the week before. And I was ready to get back into my workouts and hopefully have some good days in the week. I wasn’t able to push myself as much as I can on my best days, but I definitely did better than how I do on my bad days.
We had 2 blocks for each section of the room. For cardio, the first block was mainly 30-second intervals. We had some push paces to all-outs and some push paces that went into a base pace before an all-out. And after each all-out in the block, we had a 30-second recovery. The second block had the same intervals as the first block, but everything was at an incline instead. I did increase the resistance level on the bike for the second block by doing 1 level higher for everything except for the recoveries. Going up just 1 level wasn’t too much harder for the base and push paces, but it was tough for the all-outs.
On the rower, the first block was timed with the rowers with 30-second intervals. I did better than I expected on the rower, but I think that was because we did have recoveries throughout the block. I also didn’t row as hard as I know I can with the all-outs, so that probably helped too. The second block was rounds of a 30-second all-out row with lunges between each row. That block also went well, but again it was short bursts of rowing so that helped.
And on the floor, the first block was timed with the rest of the room for the first block. We had 30-second intervals of exercises with rests when cardio and rowing had their recoveries. We had lunges, shoulder presses, hammer curls, and bicep curls. We repeated the exercises throughout the block and at the end of the first block I was really tired. The second block was timed on our own. We had marching in place with weight overhead, step-ups, and bird dogs with toe taps. I put the bench lower so I could do the step-ups since I do try to do those whenever I can.
Tuesday’s workout was a bit more strength-focused compared to other workouts that usually are a mix of endurance, strength, and power. But I was happy to challenge myself since I was feeling a lot better that morning and wanted to get back to some of my better work.
We had 2 blocks for cardio. The first block was really tough for me on the bike. We had 1-minute intervals and the incline/resistance level went up every minute. I didn’t start quite as high as I should have, but I knew I needed to do that so I could keep increasing the level every minute. And by the end of the block, I was at one of the highest resistance levels I’ve used. The second block was a little easier but still tough. We had 30-second all-outs at an incline with recoveries between each one. And the recovery got longer each time. I did use a higher resistance level than my normal all-out, but it was only 1 higher than I normally use so it wasn’t as bad as how high they got in the first block. But it was still much more difficult than what a normal all-out feels for me.
On the rower, we had one long block and the row focus was doing 500-meter rows. This is usually a really tough distance for me to do since there is a lot of endurance necessary with it, but I used a lot of the same technique I used for the Dri-Tri and didn’t try to rush anything. I think focusing more on staying steady with my rowing has really helped and I did get through a few rounds without having to take any breaks. And between each row, we had overhead presses with a medicine ball.
And on the floor, we had one long block which focused on 2 back-to-back exercises that were about strength for one and power for the other. We had woodchoppers and plank pull-throughs, skier swings and deadlifts, and uppercuts and arm raises. I didn’t use heavier weights than normal, but because the exercises were back-to-back, they felt heavier than they really were.
Wednesday’s workout was a very odd day for me. There were a few things that made the day weird, starting with I wasn’t feeling great that morning. It wasn’t like normal nausea I can have, so I just decided to do the workout and see what would happen.
Cardio and rowing worked together for this workout. Every interval was 4 minutes long. If you started the block on cardio you did 1 cardio interval, 1 rowing interval, and 1 cardio interval. And if you started the block on the rower you did rowing for the first and last interval and cardio for the middle one. So in the end, you had 3 intervals for each. Each cardio block was the same, we had a 4-minute distance challenge. And on the rower, we always started with a 10-stroke drill and then rested before increasing the stroke drill by 5 strokes each time.
I thought I was doing ok, even though I felt weird that morning. But when I was doing one of the last rowing intervals, I had some of the worst nausea that I had experienced in class. I have only had to leave class once before because I knew I was going to be sick, so I didn’t think that would happen again. But unfortunately, it did. But I felt immediately better after that, so I knew for sure this wasn’t my normal nausea since that doesn’t get better after being sick. I was a little shaky after that happened, but I think that was more mental than physical since I was shocked I had to leave class to be sick. So I knew I had to go a bit easier on the floor because of that.
On the floor, we focused on cluster sets with the exercises. So we did a set number of reps first and then go heavier with the weight and do as many reps as possible. The goal is to try to get usually between 6-10 reps with the heavier weight. In the first block, we had cluster sets of a squat to calf raise and a low row. And between each exercise, we had either mountain climbers or skater lunges. In the second block, we had bicep curls and hip bridges for the cluster sets and squats and high knees between the exercises. I did make an effort to make sure I had the right weights at my station so I could use heavier weights for the second part of each cluster set. And fortunately, whatever issue I was experiencing that made me sick on the rower didn’t happen again so I didn’t have to leave class a second time.
And I had another good day on Thursday, which I was very happy about. I think it was probably one of my better days as far as how I was feeling, and it was a nice way to end the week.
For cardio, we had 2 blocks that were very similar. The first block started with a 2-minute push pace followed by a 45-second base pace. Then we had 2 rounds of a 1-minute push pace at an incline with a 45-second base pace without an incline after with an all-out at the end of the block. The second block started with a 1-minute push pace instead of a 2-minute push and the inclines were 1% lower than what they were in the first block. But they were the same intervals other than that first push pace. Even with the higher resistance levels for the push paces, I felt pretty good about what I was able to do.
On the rower, we also had 2 blocks and each block started with a timed row that matched the first push pace for cardio. After that timed row, we had rounds of a 20-stroke all-out row with exercises between each row. In the first block, we had squats between each row and in the second block, we had high knees between each row. Doing those row drills wasn’t easy since we have to go slowly with them, but I was happy that I was pretty consistent with each of my rows and didn’t tire out during the block too much.
And on the floor, we had supersets which are back-t0-back exercises for each block with one additional exercise. In the first block, we had chest presses and chest flys with cross back lunges. And in the second block, we had upright rows and high rows back to back with sit-ups to standing shoulder presses. We were supposed to use the same weight for the supersets, so I had to go a little lighter with my chest press weight to be able to do it for my chest flys as well. But that allowed me to focus on form and go slowly, so it wasn’t easier than normal.
Overall, I think this was a pretty good week considering I was coming back from a bad week. It wasn’t perfect and the issues I had on Wednesday really caught me off guard, but I think that I was able to work pretty hard for most of the week and I feel really positive about what I accomplished. I always worry that something will happen when I’m supposed to have a good week that will make it hard, but hopefully, this week that doesn’t happen and I have a strong week of workouts ahead!