Monthly Archives: February 2022

A Better Workout Week Than Expected (or I Like When Things Aren’t As Bad As I Thought)

I was really worried that this past week of workouts was going to be really bad for me. It wasn’t a great week, but I’m surprised that it went much better than expected. I’m always prepared for the worst when I know I will be dealing with pain and nausea but it’s nice when it’s not close to what I was prepared for.

And I’m especially glad it wasn’t as bad as expected on Monday because my dad was with me for that workout! Pretty much whenever my parents are in LA, my dad tries to make it to a workout with me and I love that! And for this workout, it was a signature workout that I knew would be a challenge. This was the Catch Me If You Can workout, and while I’ve done it before, it’s something that is very tough and I have a lot of room for improvement in what I can do.

This was a 2 group class so our Catch Me If You Can challenge was 22 minutes long. The idea is that every minute or two there is a distance goal you are supposed to get to. If you are at that distance or further, you keep going. If you fall behind, you are caught. And if you are caught, the rest of the 22-minute block you have sprints on the rower and treadmill (or bike). I usually make it around the middle checkpoint and that’s exactly how far I got this time as well. It’s right when the distance from one checkpoint to another gets a lot further. For me, the distance would normally take me about 3-minutes to complete and we had 1-minute to do it. So I knew I would be caught. When I was on the rower doing my sprints, it was still tough with my foot hurting, but at least they were quick rows. And my dad kicked butt and made it really far in the challenge!

On the floor, we had 1 long block. It started with a 500-meter row and I shocked myself by being able to row the entire thing without a break. I regretted that later when my heel was hurting a lot, but in the moment I was really proud of myself. And then we had bicep curls to squats to shoulder presses, hip hinge reverse flies, planks with rotations, Y-raises on the straps, and knee tucks on the straps (which I did as knee tucks on the ab dolly).

And of course, we had to do a post-workout photo with Coach Tyler since that’s the tradition!

Wednesday’s workout was a power day. I was feeling a bit sicker than I had been on Monday, but it was still much less than I had expected. And as usual, when I’m feeling this way, I just try to do my best and do what I can.

For cardio, we had 3 blocks. The first two blocks were the same with a 1-minute push pace, 90-second base pace, and 1-minute all-out. The last block had 3 rounds of a 1-minute all-out followed by a 1-minute recovery. I did get the resistance level on the bike to my normal levels, I just was pedaling slower than I normally would so I think that was still pretty decent.

On the rower, we had 2 blocks. The first block was rounds of 100, 200, and 300-meter rows with medicine ball power jacks between each row. I did squats to shoulder presses instead of power jacks, but they were still tough. And we just repeated those distances with increasing the reps for the medicine ball exercise each round for that block. And the second block was timed with cardio with rounds of a 1-minute all-out row followed by a 1-minute recovery row. It’s hard to always do the recovery row when I would prefer to just take a break. But I tried my best to at least move a bit. And fortunately, by this workout, my foot was doing better so the rowing didn’t bother me as much.

And on the floor, we also had 2 blocks. The first block had bench sit-up to stands, deadlifts, hop overs (which I did as squats), and lateral lunges. And the second block had burpees to bicep curls and step-ups. The second block was really tough for me and I was getting a bit more nauseous. So I didn’t do the burpees and just did squats to bicep curls to count as my exercise that block.

Friday’s workout was an endurance day, and it was one of the toughest endurance days! The cardio work was tough, but the hardest thing was that the entire row block was one long crew row! When you do a crew row, you are supposed to be matching the speed and cadence of everyone else on the rower. And that’s tough for a few reasons.

For cardio, it was 14-minutes straight of push paces and base paces with an all-out at the end. The push paces varied between 30-seconds and 2-minutes, but the base paces were always a minute. And the goal was to never go below your base pace to recover. I wasn’t great at tracking how fast I was pedaling on the bike, but I never went below my base resistance level for the entire block.

For the crew row, because of how the rowers were set up and we were spaced out, we got split into a few different small crews. But we still had to stay in sync with the others in our group. The pace we were going was a bit faster than what I’m comfortable with, so I needed quite a few breaks to reset and get back with my group. Plus, rowing for 14-minutes is hard no matter what! I didn’t get to the distance goal we had, but I was closer than I would have expected.

And for the floor, we had 1 long block that was split into 2 mini-blocks. The first mini-block had rollouts on the straps, chest presses on the straps, and plank reaches. We had 3 rounds of that before moving onto the second mini-block with hip bridges, single-arm chest presses, and reach and rotates on the straps. We had 2 rounds of the second mini-block and then we were supposed to do the entire thing as one long block. I had just finished my second round on the second mini-block and was starting my rollouts again when the workout ended.

And Saturday’s workout was a strength day and I’m glad that I was no longer worried about how I would be feeling. I feel lucky I got through this week without what I normally experience and I really feel like I took advantage of that in each workout.

For cardio, we had 4 blocks that were all the same length. Every block had a push pace, a 1-minute base pace, a base pace at an incline, and a 1-minute all-out. We started with a longer push pace and a shorter base pace at an incline but the incline was the highest one. Each block, the push pace got shorter, the incline base pace got longer, and the incline got lower. It was a good challenge for me to work with the resistance levels a bit more and for the longer incline intervals, I really felt it.

For the floor, we had 2 blocks. For each block, we were supposed to do 2 rounds of the exercises, and then we had a 200-meter row. The first block had bird dog low rows, step-ups (which I did as lunges), and leg raises. And the second block had lateral lunges, shoulder presses, and tricep push-ups. And when I did my 200-meter row in each block, I got it back under a minute which was much better than any other rowing I did during this week.

I’m so happy this past week went as well as it did. I wasn’t expecting it to be this way, but I know I needed it. The past month has been tough for me with my workouts and I needed to feel more hopeful about how I was doing. And I got that this past week and I hope to continue to feel that way this week!

Short Weeks Feel Extra Stressful (or I’m Almost Through This Week)

Until last year, having holidays on Mondays didn’t change much about my schedule since I always had Mondays off. Now, at least I do get an extra day off on weeks that have holidays on Mondays but it seems to make the rest of my week a bit more stressful than normal. It might just be the timing of the few times I’ve had a Monday holiday off, but it really feels like each one that I had makes my week hard.

This time, some of the extra stress was due to work-related things. I’ve been working on a new project at my job and it’s been taking longer than I had hoped. I still have a week before I need to be done with it, but I was hoping I would finish early so I could check everything before it was due. I probably don’t need to check anything, but I like having that time buffer to make sure I didn’t miss anything or need to correct my work. Also, with how my customer service job goes, this week is typically one of the busier weeks of the month so that is adding to my stress.

And I’m dealing with stress with my living situation as well. Nothing is horrible and I know I’m lucky because I’ll be moving soon enough. But my current landlord is still making things stressful for us and being a bit uncommunicative about what is happening. I wish we knew when there would be workers here all day in advance so I didn’t have anxiety when I see a ton of people outside my window. Or earlier this week, I wish I had known they would be doing work on the outside of my unit so I could have been prepared for the noise. I also was still waiting to have heat in my house until just yesterday. That was almost a month of no heat, and it’s been pretty cold lately. Waking up and having it be below 50 degrees in your room isn’t a comfortable thing.

But the biggest thing that I think is making my home extra stressful has been the fact that it doesn’t feel like my home right now. I have been preparing to move for a while, but most of that has been stuff I don’t see. Now, a lot of my stuff has been taken off the walls. There are white splotches where we have spackled over holes. Things feel messy and out of place. I know some of this discomfort is connected to my OCD. I want to fix things, but I can’t. And it’s tough when I keep focusing on what feels wrong to me. I think this is bothering me more than it normally would because of all the extra stress in my life right now.

And of course, the state of the world is so stressful. I don’t know what to write because it’s just so overwhelming. We have gone through so many life-changing or once-in-a-lifetime events lately. I wish things would be back to the way they used to be, but I also know things will never really be back to the before times. But hopefully, the new normal will resemble more of the old normal soon.

I know that having a regular work week next week won’t necessarily make all my stress go away, but I’m hoping that since a few things have started to get better I will have a better week. And maybe I won’t feel the same time crunch that I did this week when I felt like I didn’t have enough time to get things done. And maybe if a few things are better, the other things won’t be as tough for me to get through.

Another Random Friend Hangout (or So Happy For In-Person Time)

Seeing my friends in person has been a rare occurrence since the pandemic. And for the most part, any time I’ve seen someone in person has been a planned out thing. Sometimes it’s planning to see a show or going to a meal. But it usually is something I know is coming so I can be excited about it. And while I miss some of the spontaneity of how life used to be, I’ve also gotten used to planning on when I can see friends. But this week, I was so lucky to get to have a random friend hang out that I didn’t plan for.

A friend of mine posted online that they were wondering if anyone had a paper shredder they could borrow. A few of us offered, but I happened to be the offer that was closest to his house so he asked if he could use mine. I don’t use my shredder that often and I never have anything that needs to be done urgently, so I don’t mind letting someone else use it for a while.

When he was coming over to get it, I didn’t know if he would just come by and pick it up or if he had some free time to chat. I was so happy that he didn’t have anywhere to rush to so he could hang out with me and we could catch up in person. While we have been on a lot of phone and Zoom calls over the past two years, we hadn’t seen each other in person. And as I’ve said before, seeing a friend in person is so different from seeing them virtually. So I was so grateful for this time to catch up and feel connected again to a friend.

And just like so many of my friend hangouts since the pandemic, this one had a pretty big variety in our conversation. It makes sense since it seems like we have to catch up on 2 years of information. It can make things be a bit disjointed, but I love getting to hear all the random things that have been going on that I haven’t heard about yet. And my friend has been busy working on set, so hearing about how that has been going was really interesting. I’ve had a few friends book roles since the pandemic, but nobody that has been working as regularly as this friend. And hearing him talk about all the different precautions being taken and how safe the sets have been. I have no clue when I might book something, but just hearing how things have been going made me feel better about the potential of being on a set soon. There are so many things we have to worry about these days, and I don’t want to have to question anything if I’m lucky enough to book an acting job.

And he was asking me all about the condo and I was showing him photos of the different things I’ve picked out and some of the progress photos. I wish we could have gone over there so I could have shown him my new place, but I was finishing up so work so I couldn’t leave and I didn’t want to bother any workers that might be busy over there. Since I usually only go over after work, I haven’t seen the workers too often. But staying out of the way is probably best.

He was able to stay and hang out for over an hour before he had to head out to work on some more errands. But I know I’ll get another friend hang out with him soon since I’ll have to see him when he returns my shredder. And that time we will plan for it and maybe get to do something other than just catch up while hanging out in my living room. But if that’s what we do end up doing, I know I will be so happy about that since any in-person friend time is so special and precious to me.

2 Busy LA Days (or Getting More Renovation Planning Done)

After my parents were in Santa Barbara, they came to LA next to help me with some things with the condo. Even though the contractor we hired is really great at being in communication with both me and my parents, I know it’s been tough for my parents to help as much as they would like to without being here in person. Plus, I think they both enjoy seeing things come together and they wanted to see the progress in person.

They were only going to be in LA for two days and we had a lot of things to get done. The first day they were here, we started at the condo so my parents could see everything that has been done so far. It’s very different seeing it in person compared to photos and on FaceTime, so it was exciting to see how happy they were with everything that has happened. And we had a few little projects we wanted to get done at the condo that the contractor wasn’t going to do, so we worked on those. Then, we had another trip to Home Depot to get a few materials we needed. Fortunately, everything we needed were things we already had planned on, so we could quickly go and get the exact items we needed. We did decide to change the hardware in what will be my bathroom to match another thing we picked, but those were easy to find too. I know there are always a few more things to add to the list, but I think we’ve made pretty much all the decisions we need to make related to the remodel (just not the decoration) phase).

The next day, we started at my current place. I have made my current place my home over the past 12 years, and part of that includes putting holes in my walls to hang paintings or other decor. So my dad and I went through the things that were hung with screws (since nail holes will be easy for me to spackle over) and we took them down and worked on covering up the holes that were left behind. I will need to keep working on this to finish the project, but we at least got started. We also took down the window a/c unit that I have really loved since I got it. I’m working on selling the a/c and a few other things in my place right now. I’m not asking for much since I’m not trying to make a profit. But there are things I have that I won’t be moving with me and I’d like to find people who could use them.

After the work in my current place, we went back to the condo to meet with the contractor. We had a few things we wanted to go over that we had questions about, but they were all easily answered. We also had to go over how we wanted each type of tiles to be laid, but that also was pretty easy to figure out. I won’t be able to move in as soon as I was hoping, but it should still be pretty soon that I’ll be moving in and out of my current place. We’ve had a few delays, but nothing too bad. And it should still be completed within the timeline we were originally given.

And the last condo task we had to get done was to get some ideas for some furniture that I knew I would want. We went to one store that was a bit overpriced, but we got some great ideas of what I would like and what would fit into different spaces. I knew I wanted to find a chair for my living room, but I couldn’t find options that I liked that were within my price range. Then we decided to go to the store where I got my couch 8 years ago. While I didn’t find my dream chair like I found my dream couch, I figured out exactly what I want. I’m going to go back with a friend later to double-check the color, but we are going to order a chair that is in either teal or blue velvet that has a slightly different arm shape than my couch and then also order a matching ottoman. It will be significantly less expensive than a lot of other places I looked at and I already know I like the quality of their products. I don’t know why I didn’t think of looking there earlier, but it seems like a no-brainer now.

The two days my parents were here were pretty busy and full with things we needed to get done, but it was a lot of progress toward me being able to move out and that’s one of the biggest focuses in my life right now. And the next time my parents are here, the condo might be done and I might be moving in!

Celebrating My Niece’s Birthday (or Another Santa Barbara Day)

During the pandemic, I’ve gone up to Santa Barbara for day trips quite a few times. It’s usually because of a celebration (like to meet my nephew and niece) or a holiday. And this past week, my niece turned one! So of course, I knew I’d be headed up there for the day again.

My niece’s actual birthday was on a Friday, and because I couldn’t take off work I couldn’t be there for the little family party they had (it was just immediate family so it was small). But I was able to take time off on Saturday so I could go up for the day then and still get to celebrate a bit!

And since I was going up for a birthday, I had to find a present! Getting gifts for babies can be tough, but I asked a few of my friends with little kids and a couple of them mentioned that at their kid’s preschool they had stacking dolls. It’s good for motor skills plus they can be fun. And I thought that sounded like a great idea. My niece’s room has a llama theme, and I found a set of stacking dolls that had different animals on them but the biggest one had a llama! So that seemed perfect!

Since my brother and sister-in-law had my niece’s party the day before, when I went up it was just a casual hangout. We went to the country club that they belong to so my nephew and niece could splash in the kiddie pool and we could hang out and have lunch. My sister-in-law’s parents were also there, so it was awesome to get to see them too.

My parents hadn’t seen the work done to the condo yet in person, but they had seen photos and been on FaceTime with me so talking about the renovation was a big topic. The last time I had seen most of this part of my family was at Thanksgiving which was right after we bought it and we hadn’t started to plan the renovation yet. Fortunately, I take a ton of photos so I had a lot on my phone I could show everyone.

And of course, it was awesome to see my nephew and niece. They haven’t seen me a ton, so I’m still a bit of a stranger to them. But they have both warmed up a bit. My nephew was trying to give me half-eaten bits of hot dog, which is one of the best compliments a toddler could give you. My niece smiled at me a bunch and was giving me high fives.

The only downside to this day trip was that I didn’t really take any photos. I wasn’t focused on doing that, which is good. But I wish I had some. I did get some photos from the day before that my mom took, so that makes it a bit better.

Once it was nap time, I went back to the rental house my parents were staying in to go over some condo things. My parents were going to come to LA the next day, so we didn’t have to do a lot. But we planned out what we needed to accomplish and also went through some catalogs to get ideas for what things I want to look for in stores when I’m getting more things together for my move.

I didn’t stay too late since I knew I’d see my parents again the next morning. Normally when I drive back to LA, it’s already dark. But this time, I got a pretty nice view as I was headed home!

But I’ll be back in Santa Barbara soon because in a little over a month my nephew is turning 2 and I’m very excited about the gift I’m giving him!

Swapping One Type Of Pain For Another (or I Feel Like This Happens More Often Than I’d Like)

The past few weeks of workouts have been interesting with letting my heel heal. I have new types of pain to deal with and I’ve also learned that with the way the skin is healing, sometimes I don’t feel the pain until a few hours after the workout. So I’ve been testing my boundaries and also trying to not push myself too much. And finally, this past week of workouts, my heel was really doing better. I still had pain to deal with, but it was less than before. But as my heel pain was decreasing, I had to deal with monthly pain and nausea. So in a way, it felt like my pain level stayed the same all week.

Monday’s workout was a strength workout and it was a 2 group class. It wasn’t necessarily themed for Valentine’s Day, but a lot of us in class joked that the class was extra tough to make up for all the chocolate people would be eating later.

For cardio, we had a run/row workout. The first block was a 2 1/2-minute distance challenge on the treadmill/bike and then we had a 2 1/2-minute distance challenge on the rower. After that, we were on our own. First, we matched the distance on the treadmill/bike and then again matched the distance on the rower. Then we had lunges and took the distances from both sides and did half that distance but increased the incline/resistance level. We continued that pattern and did the distance in half with increased incline/resistance for the rest of that half of class.

On the floor, we had two blocks. For the shorter block, we had single-arm neutral thrusters, single-leg sit to stand (which I did as bench tap squats), and single-leg v-ups. In the second block, we had reverse flies, single-arm high rows, chest presses, bicep curls on the straps, and low rows on the straps. It was a lot of work, but fortunately my heel was hurting less than before.

Wednesday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and for both cardio and the rower it felt like we didn’t get a break.

For cardio, we had rounds of a push pace followed by a base pace. We had 1 round of a 90-second push pace followed by a 2-minute base pace, 2 rounds of a 1-minute push pace followed by a 1-minute base pace, and 3 rounds of a 30-second push pace followed by a 1-minute base pace. And after all that, we ended with a 1-minute all-out.

The rower was timed with the cardio side. For all the push paces, we had a push row. And when the cardio side had a base pace, we had high knees and forward and back hops. The exercises between each row were a bit tough for me between my heel and some nausea that I was starting, so I just went slow and took it easy for those. But my rowing was better so that made me happy.

And on the floor, we had 2 blocks. Both blocks started with high rows on the straps that we only did the first time before doing the rest of the exercises. In the first block, we had Bosu single-arm chest presses, Bosu pullovers, and running men (which I did on the floor and not with the Bosu). In the second block, we had goblet static lunges (which I did as goblet squats), kneeling lateral raises, and plank jacks.

Friday’s workout was another strength day. And while my heel was feeling much better (I think I might not have to bandage it that much longer), that’s when my pain and nausea really kicked in.

For cardio, we had 2 blocks. The first block had a 3-minute push pace at an incline, a base pace, and an all-out. And the second block had 2 rounds of a 2-minute push pace at an incline with a base pace in-between with an all-out at the end. Even though it was a strength day, because of the longer push paces, it felt a bit like an endurance day too.

On the rower, we had 1 long block. We had a 100-meter, 200-meter, and 400-meter row. The first time we did each row, we had squats to overhead presses with the medicine ball between each row. The next time we did those distances, we had a ground to press with the medicine ball. I did have to take some breaks on the rower, but it was more about nausea than my heel so I consider that an improvement.

And on the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block had suitcase squats, single-arm high rows, and plank shoulder taps. And the second block had sumo squats to upright rows, lunges, uppercuts, and single-arm bicep curls.

Saturday’s workout was a power day, and I was feeling truly miserable. I have never left class in the middle of class, but there were so many times I debated if I should just leave. I was in so much pain and had such severe nausea. The only good thing was that this was the least pain my heel was in all week. But it really didn’t make that much of a difference because I was hurting so much and I really struggled.

For cardio, we had 3 blocks. And in every block, the main focus was doing 45-second push paces. In the first block, we had 1-minute base paces. In the second block we had 75-second base paces. And in the last block we had 90-second base paces. And each of those blocks ended with a 30-second all-out. I really tried to limit my breaks to the base paces, but I can’t help it sometimes when the pain or nausea hits me really hard. But I tried and I know that for this workout, that’s all I could do.

The floor also had 3 blocks. Each block started with a 45-second all-out row that we only had to do once and then we moved to the floor for the rest of the exercises. The first block had push-ups and rollouts on the straps, the second block had pull-ups on the straps and single-arm low rows, and the last block had deadlifts and step-downs. I had to do a lot of modifications for the exercises. For the pull-ups, I did high rows on the straps. The low rows were supposed to be while planking on the bench and I had to do it just bent over. And the step-downs were swapped for lunges. And just like with cardio, I took a lot of breaks during the floor. I hate doing that, but I also knew that if I didn’t things would get worse. And considering how many times during the workout I debated about leaving, I’m just glad I made it through the entire thing.

This week might be another tough week for me. I really don’t know how long the pain and nausea will be bad each month. Usually, when it’s really bad to start it gets a bit easier as the week goes on, so I’m hoping that will be the case this time. But I won’t know until I get through the week and see how I feel. But fingers crossed that I will have a week of even less heel pain and minimal pain and nausea.

Another Normal Therapy Check-In (or It’s Still Nice This Are Easy To Get Through)

When I started going back to therapy several years ago, the main reason for the appointments was to get on medication for my eating disorder. But I also had some tough appointments in the early months of therapy. I understand why my therapist asked me the tough questions and we did work through a lot of things from my past that have affected my life quite a bit. The good thing about that was that I learned quite a bit about myself. The bad thing was discovering a lot of what has been affecting my life are things that I really can’t change. I can adjust my feelings about them, but I can’t change them.

So after those first few months of more intense therapy, most of my appointments were check-ins to make sure I was still doing ok and that the medications I was taking were working. Occasionally adjustments to my medications were made, but things have mostly been stable for the past few years. And I think that’s why my appointments are every 6 months now.

And since my last appointment was in August, I was due for my therapy check-in this month. Appointments are still being done virtually, and I see that staying that way. I was doing virtual appointments before the pandemic, but they were mixed in with in-person appointments. But for appointments like mine that don’t really involve much, I think virtual appointments are probably easier for both me and my therapist.

And as expected, this appointment went as easy as the rest have been recently. We discussed my medications and agreed I’m at a good level right now. I did mention some additional stress in my life, but that it was temporary stress so I don’t feel like I need to add a new medication for that. I have taken medication before for anxiety, but I know that what I’m feeling now is not like I experienced before. Plus, when I was on medication for anxiety that was regarding general anxiety. Right now, all the anxiety I’m experiencing is connected to very specific things and most of them are not going to be issues soon. So taking something now really doesn’t feel necessary to me.

And of course, I was asked about how was doing with all the anxiety and worry regarding the pandemic. And I had the same answer I had before. That if I was doing ok, then I think that would be a sign of a bigger issue. We talked about how I’m managing that anxiety and not letting things overwhelm me. I do check the numbers each day, but I’m focused more now on hospitalizations over cases since that seems to be more telling. And I think my therapist agreed that I was doing well considering the circumstances. I think she understands how much we all want to be past this and how the worry has been taking a toll. But also, I know that I have to still be careful and consider what are acceptable risks and what are not. And I think she agrees with me that looking at acceptable risks is probably a good way to decide what I’m ok to go and do.

Overall, I think it was a good appointment and nothing really is changing. And I won’t have another follow-up for 6 more months unless I feel the need to discuss something with my therapist sooner. But I think I’m doing ok with everything and that I’ll just have another routine and boring follow-up 6 months from now, which sounds great to me!

My Usual Non-Plans For Valentine’s Day (or It Seems Like A Lot Of People Felt This Way)

I don’t normally do anything for Valentine’s Day. I can only think of one Valentine’s Day where I had a date, and that was not something that was planned. It was someone I had gone out with a few times, we planned our next date, and the day of we realized it was Valentine’s Day. So in my mind, that’s not really a Valentine’s Day date.

While I don’t want to be single forever, I also don’t really mind not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. There is a lot of pressure to find the right thing to do and it’s nice to not have to think about it. And this year, I didn’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day just like I pretty much always have.

And it seems like so many people felt the same way. I don’t know if it was because Valentine’s Day was on a Monday or it was the day after the Super Bowl, but it felt like most people didn’t do anything crazy or extravagant this year. Even with one of my day jobs, Valentine’s Day is one of the busiest days for us. The shows we do are typically Saturdays only, but a lot of the locations will do a show on Valentine’s Day no matter what day it falls on. And for most years, that show has sold out weeks or a month in advance. But this year, while a lot of locations sold out, we had a few that had a few tickets left the week of. The shows were almost all sold out by the weekend before, but it took longer to sell out than it has from what I remember from every other year.

I did have a few things that made Monday not just a normal Monday. One of my jobs sent all the employees in my department a gift, so I got a box of nice cookies which I appreciated. And I did a Zoom hang out with my friends since none of us had plans that night. The Zoom wasn’t necessarily Valentine-themed, but it was a good opportunity for us to schedule a time to have a hangout for our group.

And also, the podcast episode that I recently recorded was released on Valentine’s Day! This interview was an update on some of the dating stories I had shared before on the Secret Life podcast. It was fun to share these updates even if they weren’t necessarily happy or positive stories. But I don’t feel like I need to ever hide the negative stuff that happens in my dating life. I know that when I hear other people sharing crazy stories I feel less alone. So sharing my stories hopefully makes other people feel less alone.

I think not being surrounded by a ton of people talking about elaborate Valentine’s Day plans also made me feel less alone. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything even if I still feel lonely and wished I wasn’t single. This year, it seemed like everyone had the same feelings about the day as I did. It was something to remember was happening, but not necessarily something that you had to make a huge effort to do something special for. And I’m aware that I might have very different feelings about things if I was in a relationship, but at least this year it felt like nobody was really celebrating and I’m ok being a part of the majority.

Still Not Doing All The Things I Love (or I Wonder When I Will Have Another Disney Day)

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to Disneyland. This is one of the longest breaks from going to the parks that I’ve had since moving to LA. I know that one year of missing Disney was due to the parks being closed, but they reopened almost a year ago and I still haven’t returned. And this is for a few different reasons.

First, I still am anxious about being in crowded places. I know that when they reopened the capacity was reduced quite a bit, but it was still a lot of people. And now, I have seen photos of friends who have gone and the parks are just as crowded as before. I know that I won’t have this fear of getting sick forever, but I don’t see the need to push myself to go to the parks when I’m still uncertain. I’ve waited this long and I can wait a little longer. And right now, even though the numbers are getting better, they are still pretty high and I don’t need to add another risky behavior to my life. I know that going to the gym is still a risk, but I’m trying to be selective with the risks I take.

And they also just announced that vaccinated guests will no longer be required to wear masks at Disneyland, so I think I will want to wait longer before returning. I don’t know if they will be asking for vaccination cards when people are entering if they aren’t wearing masks, but I don’t know if that matters. Once someone is past the front gate, there won’t be regular checkpoints checking vaccination status. So someone who is unvaccinated could easily not wear a mask and I doubt anyone would know. I’ve seen what happened when there was a measles outbreak that was mainly around people who went to Disneyland. I worry that there could be the same thing with COVID-19 with unvaccinated guests not wearing masks. And I also know that being vaccinated doesn’t guarantee you can’t get others sick, so anyone not wearing a mask could be a risk for me. In some ways, I’m glad they announced this because now I’m even more certain about not going to the parks until things are safer. I’m not questioning my choice as much as I did when everyone is masked. Now, it just feels way too unsafe for me.

But even if I wasn’t worried about getting sick and being in crowds, there is another reason why I haven’t returned. I actually had a chance to meet up with my cousin at Disneyland this past weekend and I seriously was considering it. But I also don’t have an annual pass anymore so I would have to buy a 1-day ticket. And for the day I would be able to meet up with them, a 1-day ticket was over $200. When I had an annual pass, it was about $600. I can’t imagine spending 33% of what I spent for an entire year for a single day. Especially when I don’t know how often I would or could go now. I used to have Mondays free from work, and now I work Monday-Saturday. I will eventually start going back and I have a feeling I will buy the new type of annual pass since it’s worth it to me, but I can’t think of spending the money until I feel like I will be able to get the use out of it.

Since everything shut down almost 2 years ago, I have gotten a lot of my old life back. But I am still missing a lot of things, and going to Disneyland is one of them. If I went now, it wouldn’t be the way I remembered having Disney days. In the past, they were days to be carefree and have fun. Now, I don’t think I could have that same carefree feeling and it might be more stressful than other things in my life. One day, I’ll be back to being able to enjoy Disney and escape the regular world, but I’m just not there yet.

12 Years At One Place (or My Last Anniversary At My Current Place)

Exactly 12 years ago today, I got the keys to my current place. I set up my lease so I would have 2 weeks to move from my last apartment to my current house. I remember how excited I was to move here. When I was searching for a new place, I really wanted to find an old bungalow that would be the perfect size for me to live alone. At my last apartment, I was in a 2 bedroom place and had a bunch of different roommates. But I was excited to live alone and wanted to find the perfect place to do that.

I felt so lucky when I found my current place. It was exactly what I was looking for. The rent was a good price for me and even though it was pretty small, it was going to just be for me and I knew I could make it look like it was much bigger.

And for the past 12 years, I have been pretty happy here. There have been times when it wasn’t perfect and sometimes I wished I had more space for things I wanted. But considering the goals I had for a place, this place fit exactly what I had really asked for. I love having my own space and no roommates, I love how my place has character and doesn’t feel like a generic apartment, and I love the neighborhood I’m in. And for a long time, the idea of leaving here for another place really made me sad.

But things have changed over the past few months. Obviously, I’m so excited to move into my condo when it’s done. We had a small setback that may delay my move by a week or two, but nothing too bad. But things are moving along and I should be moving pretty soon. And with my new landlord and the issues I’ve been having at my current place, I’m counting down the days until I start my move!

I do still have some sad feelings about leaving this place soon. It’s been my home for almost 1/3rd of my life! The only place I lived longer was the house I grew up in. I love a lot of the features such as not sharing any walls with any neighbors. I will have to get used to that when I move, but I will be gaining a lot compared to the things I will need to adjust to. I’m also sad knowing that it seems like my new landlord will be tearing down this place in the near future and turning it into something else. I don’t like thinking about that because this place has been so special and I would love for someone else to be able to live here for a long time and also know how amazing this place will be.

But I know that is out of my control and I understand why the new landlord would prefer to have 15 upgraded apartments compared to 8 tiny and outdated ones. So I’m just going to be grateful that I’ve been able to spend the last 12 years here and I will be moving to an amazing place that I’m really turning into my home. And even though I’m not moving right around my house anniversary, I do love that I did make it to my 12 year anniversary here. Something feels just right about that idea. Like how there are 12 grades in school before you graduate. I have 12 years of renting here before moving on.

And maybe I’ll be at my condo for 12 years or longer! You never know. I didn’t think I’d be at my place now for 12 years, but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine moving before now. So I guess I will just have to wait and see.