Monthly Archives: February 2019

Celebrating My Friendship Love (or I Don’t Hate Valentine’s Day)

I know that there are many single people who hate Valentine’s Day. I completely understand why people might feel that way. It’s a weird holiday that doesn’t mean a lot to people who are in relationships. But when you are single, you are bombarded with the idea that you should be coupled up and you are somehow missing out on something by being single.

I’ve never been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. Last year, I actually ended up having a date that night, but it wasn’t until later we realized it was Valentine’s Day. We only planned something because we both happened to be free that evening. So it was more of a date on Valentine’s Day and not a Valentine’s Day date. But it didn’t mean more to me than a date on any other night.

And this year, as always, I’m single. I’m dealing with being betrayed by someone who I thought cared about me which isn’t that fun, but I’m getting so much support from my friends and that is what matters more to me than any guy that I have dated.

So this year on Valentine’s Day, I want to celebrate the love I have from my friends. I am so incredibly grateful and lucky to have the friends that I have in my life. They are amazing and so supportive and I don’t know what I would do without them. When I’m upset about anything, even if it’s something really stupid, I know I can call someone and they will be able to talk me down.

With this recent betrayal by a guy, I’ve had friends remind me that I am lovable and worthy of so much more than what I was getting. They also helped me realize that a lot of the hurt that I am feeling is not about what this guy did to me, but the fact that I will never get answers or the closure that I would like. I am the type of person who will research something until I understand it completely. I will never understand why this person decided to hurt me or what made them see me as not worthy of being treated how I deserve to be treated. And letting go of the idea of wanting the answers is tough and I’m working through that.

But my friends also support me in the silly problems I have. When I was stressed out about my procedure with my dermatologist, I was going down a bit of a spiral thinking I was about to ruin my face. A friend reminded me that there are so many plastic surgery options for me if the scar was horrible and if it did create a divot in my face that I could always get fillers done. That’s not something I could do for a while, but just having someone remind me that this does not have to be the end of the road if I’m not happy with the results was enough to calm me down and help me remember that I was making the right decision.

And of course, I try to be there as much for my friends (if not more) than they are there for me. But I still feel like I don’t do enough considering how much they help me out and how often they remind me of things that I need to be reminded about. I know that I have mental health issues that make me think I’m not worthy and I can go to a dark place. It’s never that horrible, but it’s not a good place to be. And my friends never hesitate to help me out when I have those moments. They are never annoyed that it happened again or that they have to tell me something they have told me multiple times before.

While I have had a great example of what a successful relationship looks like from my parents, I also feel like I have been given examples of that as well through my friends. I know that being with someone romantically is different from being platonic, but I have learned how I should be treated by how my friends treat me. I have learned how to have a supportive and balanced relationship through those friendships. And I am hopeful that when I do find the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be able to remember the relationships with my friends and use those as guidelines for how that relationship should be.

I’m writing this early enough that there is still potential for me to have a date tonight (although I don’t know if I want to go out with stitches in my face), but that doesn’t matter. If I’m spending tonight alone at home watching tv, that’s fine. While Valentine’s Day doesn’t really matter to me as a holiday, I am using it as a good excuse to be grateful for the love I do have in my life and remembering how lucky I am.

A Surgery Afternoon (or This Has Been Over A Decade In The Making)

On Monday this week, I had the little surgery with my dermatologist to remove the wart on my face (or whatever it is). This has been something I have been dealing with for so long, and it’s crazy to think that I just had a surgery to take care of it. I’m still in a bit of pain from it all, but I am glad I did it.

I haven’t gotten the results from the biopsy yet, but I’m going to assume that it was a wart. That’s what every doctor has told me it was. When I first got it when I was 18, the dermatologist I saw did 1 freezing treatment and it went away within a few days. It was so easy and simple and I thought it was done forever. But when it grew back, it seemed to come back with a vengeance.

I’ve done so many freezing treatments with so many doctors and that was always their first choice with treatment. When one doctor finally said it might need to be surgically removed, I went to a plastic surgeon to discuss it and was pretty much told it was a bad idea. I just kept going to new doctors and having them try to freeze it. And it never worked.

If it was just a boring wart, I don’t think I would have cared as much. But this was painful and causing issues and I wanted it gone. So when the newest dermatologist I met (for an unrelated issue) said that it would be a quick and easy surgery, I decided to go for it.

I knew that this would involve some shots since they had to numb my skin. And I knew it would probably hurt after the numbing medication wore off. But those negatives would be worth having this done with and not a problem in my life anymore. I did ok with the numbing shots, but they weren’t fun. My doctor understood that I hate needles and he really tried to be nice about it all. He kept apologizing when they had to do more just to make sure I’d be good and numb before he started.

The actual biopsy procedure was so quick. He used a tool that punched out a circle of my skin and that was it! I didn’t feel the punch at all but I was warned I might feel some pressure. But I was so numb and it was so quick that it was over before I knew it! The longest part was getting the stitches, and there were a few complications.

My doctor knew that there would be blood because he was cutting a hole in my skin. And I know that certain medications can make you bleed more so I didn’t take any of my medications that I could skip for the past week. The only thing I took was my Vyvanse and my anti-nausea medications. However, after my doctor asked if I took any blood thinners, I remembered that I also had taken some Motrin to ease my cramps last week. It wasn’t that recently, but it was still in my system and it was making me bleed more than expected.

Fortunately, it ended quickly and my doctor was able to start working on the stitches. This was the part I hated the most. I could feel him stitching my skin and pulling on it even if it was painless. But it was the weirdest sensation and I really didn’t like it. It wasn’t painful, but it just bothered me. I also could hear random things since this was happening close enough to my ears and that was freaking me out a bit too. But I tried my best to stay still because that would help my doctor do his best work. With this scar being on my face, I wanted to do whatever I could to minimize it.

The entire thing took a little under an hour. It did take time to get everything ready and for the numbing shots to kick in. Plus it took longer than expected because of the bleeding issue. I only got 2 stitches in my face, but my doctor wanted to make sure they were perfect so the scar would be the best it could be. I will always have a scar there now, but it should be better than what it looked like before.

I got to look at the stitches before they covered them up, and I was a bit surprised how tiny they were. I don’t know what I was really expecting, but I thought it would be much more than what it looks like. Right now, it almost looks like a hashtag or pound sign on my chin. I feel like it looks worse now, but when the stitches come out and the scar is healing it will be better.

And in the long run, a scar is going to be much easier to cover with makeup and won’t cause me pain or the other issues I’ve been dealing with. I’m so glad that this is done and while I hate the pain I’m in now I know in the long run I will be glad I did this.

Now, I just have to rock the stitches look for the next week before they come out. Not sure if I’m going to put a bandage on it while I’m out in public (I know I will when I go to my workouts), so it will be interesting to see the reactions of others.

4 Years Of My Mentoring Circle (or Celebrating With Brunch)

It’s so crazy to believe, but my current mentoring circle from Women In Film has been meeting for 4 years now! I knew that this group of women was special when we were actually able to meet between our meetings with our mentors, but I had no clue that we’d be able to continue the group after that first year ended. But it turned out that we bonded together as a group a bit more than we bonded with our mentors so it makes sense that we have kept things up.

While we have been meeting for 4 years, things have changed a few times. When we started, we technically met every month since we met with our mentors every other month and then on our own for the alternate months. And when we started meeting on our own after that first year, we continued to meet every other month since that was the routine that we got used to. But as time has gone one, most of us have gotten busier (which is a good thing) and it’s been harder to meet up. So at the end of last year, we decided to change things up so that we now meet every 3 months so we see each other 4 times a year.

Our first meeting of 2019 was this past weekend and we had our traditional brunch at Rush St. which has been our brunch place for a while now. We almost always get one of the booths, and that works perfectly for our group to feel like we have our own little meeting space and not in the middle of a busy restaurant.

When our mentoring group started, we had a few more members than we currently have. But I understand that continuing with the group wasn’t for everyone and that’s pretty much what happened with my first group that never met outside of our few meetings with our mentors. But we still have almost everyone in the group and we work hard to try to make the meetings we have. This time, we were missing 2 people, but I know they tried hard to make it and there were just circumstances that prevented them from being able to be there.

I’ve said in the past few recaps of my brunches with my group that I haven’t had a ton of news to share but I loved hearing what everyone else has been up to. This brunch was the same. My biggest news was about how it is going to be election season soon for SAG-AFTRA and that I’m more involved in my slate than I have in the past. Nothing about that is too exciting, but I know they are important things and something that not everyone is doing. I wish I could tell them amazing news about booking jobs or amazing auditions, but those just aren’t happening for me right now. I’ve had auditions, but they are nothing spectacular or unusual so I don’t really feel like sharing about those.

But as always, everyone else had amazing updates and hearing about them was the highlight of brunch for me. I’ve never really been the type of person to compare my journey to someone else’s, so I can just get joy out of seeing the steps that everyone else has been taking. And they have been doing some really amazing things that have been getting closer to reality. And one of the benefits of being a part of this group for so long is that I have been able to see the long game with everyone’s journey. One member of our group is getting close to the play she has written being on Broadway. And when we started as a group she had just produced a reading in LA and we have been getting updates about readings in NY, finding a producer and director, and now finding investors. It’s so amazing and I couldn’t be happier for her.

Because this play has been in the works for so long and the finish line seems so close, I think everyone in the group can’t wait to find out that it will be premiering on Broadway. We’ve been joking that we will all have to have a meeting in NY when that happens because of course we all want to be there. And maybe if it happens in a year we can celebrate the start of our 5th year together as a group by seeing the show premiere. But even if that doesn’t happen, it’s so fun to dream about doing that together.

While I would love to have more and better updates when the group meets again in May, I’m not going to worry about it too much. I just have to keep working hard and I know the results will happen eventually. And when they do happen, I don’t doubt that the group will be just as happy for me as I have always been for them with their amazing news!

A Week Of 3G Workouts (or Pushing Myself When I Feel Stuck)

This past week of workouts was during the worst of my nausea, but fortunately this time it wasn’t quite as bad as it has been the past year or so. I still had some really bad days, but they weren’t during my workouts. I still wasn’t feeling great, but it was nice to have a slightly less worse week than I was expecting because it allowed me to do some good work.

Monday’s workout was an endurance day and I thought the class would be 2 groups since that’s what my Monday class normally is. But it ended up being a 3 group class so I was at each section of the room for about 15 minutes. That worked for me because I was dealing with a bad nausea day so I appreciated changing things up often because that seemed to be tricking my nausea a little bit.

On the cardio side, we had all 30 second push paces with base paces after them. The base paces started at 30 seconds and increased each time. The goal on endurance days is to be able to maintain base pace after a push, and that’s exactly what this workout was designed to do. I used my normal resistance levels on the bike and I know that I need to step it up a bit because it was a bit too easy for me to get back to my base pace even with how off I was feeling.

On the rower, we had decreasing rows with different types of squats between each row. We started with a 250 meter row and then we had squat calf raises, regular squats, and pulsing half squats. We also were supposed to do jumping jacks, but I can’t do those when I’m nauseous so I just skipped that part of the workout. All the rows were essentially sprint rows, but they weren’t very fast for me. But I was still able to do the rows under the time we are supposed to be under which is a victory for me when I’m feeling off.

The floor work was a good mix of lower body work with mini-band work. The first block was all mini-band work with weighted front squats, bicep curls, and squat walks. I still struggle a bit with the mini-bands because they roll up my legs and get very tight, but I’m getting better and keeping them smooth or fixing them when they twist up. And the second block had regular lunges, lateral lunges, and upper cuts. None of those moves had the mini-bands so they went a bit easier for me.

Wednesday’s workout was a benchmark workout day. We had the 200 meter row benchmark and my goal wasn’t to beat my previous PR but to get close to it. We had a 3 group class and we were switching about every 4 minutes around the room.

For cardio, we had the same block every time we were there. We had a 45 second push pace, 30 second base pace, 45 second all out, walking recovery, and another 45 second all out. Because we went to the rower right after cardio, we were told to not overdo things so we would be ready for the row. The focus was on rowing so we had an easier cardio block. I was using my normal resistance levels even though I think I need to increase them because of that, and my cardio went well even with feeling off.

The row blocks were all similar with starting with a 200 meter row. Then we had squat work with a medicine ball and then back to the rower. The first block, I thought that would be my block to do my best 200 meter row. I wanted to be between 40 and 41 seconds, and I was able to do exactly that! I was exhausted after it, but it felt great to hit my goal. The second time I was on the rower I didn’t do quite and well and expected to do the same for the third block. But someone my third block ended up being my best 200 meter row at 40.2 seconds! The squat work we had after each 200 meter row were squat to press, squat to front press, and static squat front raises. I really didn’t get much rowing done after the squat work because I took a bit of time to recover after the first row, but I usually got at least 50 meters in before the block ended.

And on the floor, we had 2 exercises each block. The first block was low rows on the straps and neutral thrusters with weights. The second block was single arm squats to shoulder presses and pullovers using weights. And the last block was plank low rows with weights and crunches. The only one I really had issues with were the plank low rows, but I used the bench so I wasn’t totally face down to the ground and took my time getting into and out of my plank.

Friday’s workout was endurance based and for the cardio portion we had 3 different runs (or bikes) for distance. The first 2 were 3.5 minutes and the last one was 4 minutes. The goal was to do at least a push pace the entire time and I was able to do that for the first 2. But by the last one my nausea was affecting me much more so I set the resistance level to be between my base and push levels. But even though I had to go down a bit in my resistance, I was able to pedal the entire time without needing a break.

On the rower, we started with a 90 second row and we had to remember what distance we did. Then we had sumo squats and frogger squats before we went back onto the rower. We were supposed to do 50 meters less than what we rowed in 90 seconds and then do more squats. Every time we were on the rowers we were supposed to go down 50 meters. I didn’t want to worry too much about the distances or doing the math, so I made things easy on myself. I know that we are supposed to do at least 100 meters every 30 seconds. So in 90 seconds, that would be 300 meters. I know I went further than that in that 90 second row for distance, but using even numbers just made things easier for me and I didn’t have to waste time thinking about what I had to do next.

The floor work was split into 2 blocks. The first block had lateral raises, front raises, and upright rows using weights. After the first round we had crunches on the Bosu. Then we did the weight work again and had back extensions on the Bosu. And the last round was the weight work again and both crunches and back extensions. The second block was plank leg lifts and knee tucks which were supposed to be done on the Bosu, but I did the leg lifts with my hands on the floor.

Saturday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and it was the opportunity I was looking for to work on increasing my resistance levels on the bike. We had 3 mini blocks for cardio that all had a 90 second push pace, a base pace, a 30 second push pace, and a 30 second all out. The difference we had was in that base pace and it got shorter every time. The first time I did my bike work at my normal resistance level and remembered what I was thinking on Wednesday about increasing the levels. So for the next 2 times, I increased the push and the all out levels by 1 resistance level (I kept the base the same). It wasn’t easy when I tried it because it was hard plus I was dealing with my nausea. But the fact that I was able to do it proved that it was exactly what I needed!

On the rower, we started with a 100 meter row and medicine ball squats. Each round went up 50 meters with the row and down 5 reps on the squats. Then we switched and started with a 250 meter row and medicine ball squat presses. Each round went down 50 meters with the row and we increased the squat reps. I don’t know if my nausea just decided on that time to kick in or it was a result of the harder resistance levels, but I was hurting during the row. I know I was going very slow for myself and I tried to not think about it.

And on the floor, we had one long block that was an add-on block. We started with dumbbell ground to presses and then each round we kept adding on more exercises. We added tricep work on the straps, push up to knee tucks using the ab dolly, rollouts using the ab dolly, and hip bridges. After getting to all the exercises, we started to take them away, but I only started my first round taking things away when the class ended.

My expectations for this week of workouts isn’t too high. I have my little surgery with my dermatologist this afternoon and I have no idea if it will affect my workouts. I have already cleared with my doctor that I will be able to work out as long as it’s not the next day, which fits in perfectly with my workout schedule. But if I’m feeling sore or off, I know that I can’t push myself too much because I will have stitches in my face. But if anyone is used to working out with random modifications, it’s me. And I’m curious to see how it all goes.

More Podcast Time To Relive “Felicity” (or Great Minds Think Alike)

A few months ago I did a guest host spot on my friend Teresa’s podcast Finding Felicity. I had the best time being a guest host and loved having the opportunity to geek out about one of my favorite tv shows. I love that Teresa is watching the show for the first time because I love having more people love the shows that I love.

The only thing that I had to be careful about when I was on the podcast the first time was how much I shared about things. I appeared on the podcast after she had only seen 2 episodes of the show so characters weren’t totally developed and she still wasn’t sure about their traits and which characters she loved and didn’t love. I did express which characters I had strong feelings about, but I had to be a bit vague and generic about it because I didn’t want to spoil anything about the show for her.

When Teresa started the podcast, she let those of us who would be guest hosts which episodes we would be on so I knew I had another episode coming up this season. And I was so excited when I saw which episode it was because I had some very strong feelings about it and had the feeling that Teresa would be the same.

I actually knew she had strong feelings about it before we met up to record because I had a question I wanted to ask her before we met up, and she had just finished the episode when she called me. She was so furious about the actions of one of the characters and was still raging about it (as was I after watching it). We got a bit of our ranting out, but we realized that we had to save it for when we were recording so we ended the call so we would be discussing it on the podcast.

When we recorded again, it was during the crazy rain storm that we had earlier this week. I joked on the episode that this proves that I’m one of the craziest “Felicity” fans because I drove to the other side of LA during rush hour in the rain to discuss it. That is the trifecta of traffic, but it was completely worth it to get to share my feelings about one of my favorite shows.

Because we both had such strong feelings about what happened in the episode, I know we kind of kept going around and around about how much we hated it and how much we hated one of the characters. It was so funny to see Teresa be as passionate about the characters as I have always been because when we talked before she was still being introduced to everyone. I also loved having the opportunity to rewatch a show that I’ve seen before and seeing how it resonates with me now versus when I’ve watched it before. I definitely have stronger feelings about some things and seeing it differently from before and it’s been a nice reflection on how I’ve changed over the years.

We did have to pause at one point in recording because we wanted to make sure that we both were able to share a majority of the things we had in our notes. The first time I was on the podcast I didn’t have notes, but I realized how important it is to be organized so I could remember everything that I wanted to say. I realize now how silly and unprofessional it was to not have notes the first time, but I’ve learned and I made sure that my notes made sense to me and covered all the points I wanted to hit.

But when Teresa and I compared notes, we definitely had a similar tone with the last note we each had (my notes are the phone ones and hers are the handwritten ones).

We both were very angry with the same character at the end (which I think pretty much everyone watching the show would feel) and we laughed about how much we felt about it. I’m sure it would be fun to debate the actions of a character and if they were good or bad, but it’s really fun to also have someone who thinks the same thing that you do about a show and you can do a deep dive into why you both had that reaction.

This episode will be live today on the Finding Felicity feed (here’s the link to iTunes and Spotify) and I hope that you all will listen to it. I’m so proud of Teresa and this amazing podcast that she’s created and I’ve been so honored to get to be on 2 different episodes. I’m hoping that I will be able to be back for the 2nd and 3rd season, and I’ve already demanding that she will bring me back for the 4th season because I have a very specific episode I want to be on because I have so much to say about it.

If you’ve been a fan of “Felicity” in the past, I really highly recommend listening to the podcast. I’ve been a subscriber and listening to Teresa and the other guest hosts and it’s been so interesting to hear what everyone has been thinking and what their experiences of the show have been. And if you’ve never seen the show before, now is the perfect time to watch it and listen to the podcast episodes that go with each tv episode. It’s a really great companion piece to the show just enhances how much fun the show is to watch!

Another Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps)

Things have changed a few times for me since I started back in therapy. With my old therapist, my appointments started much more frequent but eventually went to twice a year. But those appointments were always in person and that’s what I expected them to be. When I got my new therapist, she offered the option to do virtual appointments. I’ve done a phone appointment with her before and that worked really well for me. I’m not doing therapy now to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it. I know what my issues are and I know the steps I need to take. It’s more about implementing those ideas now. My appointments are check-ins that are almost exclusively about my medication.

When I did my last appointment over the phone, my therapist let me know that at least once a year she has to be able to see me for an appointment. That can mean a regular in person appointment, but it can also be a video chat appointment. We both agreed that a video appointment would be best as it’s easiest and we knew the check-in wasn’t anything too serious.

I’m very happy with these alternative appointment options. First, it seems like those appointments are free (I know the phone one was, and I haven’t gotten a bill or anything for the video one) which is nice considering the regular appointments are about $80. I also get to save money on parking because there are no good free parking options by the office so I have to pay to use their parking lot. And these appointments are much faster for me since I don’t have to drive over there and wait for my appointment time.

This video chat appointment was my first time using the Kaiser video system. I was planning on using it on my computer, however the versions of different web browsers I have are too good for the system (I was shocked that the web browsers had to be 2 versions older than what I use). But I was able to use the video chat through the Kaiser app on my phone. It felt a bit like a Skype call when I was looking at the screen getting things set up.

I was logged in and ready to go 10 minutes before my appointment, so I set my phone down next to me and did some work while I waited for my therapist to log in. I figured it wouldn’t be right at my appointment time, but it was only a few minutes after which is much better than most in-person appointments are.

As expected, the check-in was pretty basic. She asked me if I was doing ok on my current dosage, which I am. I shared some issues I have been having such as sometimes taking it a bit too late if I’m having a lazy morning (I’m working on not doing that and if I have a lazy morning at least get up to take my meds early). I also shared how I think taking both pills in the morning is helping my anxiety because I’m not worried about remembering to take my dose in the middle of the day. I’m much happier with all my medication in the morning and I find that it is working just as well as it was when I was splitting them up. It’s still not a miracle medication and I do struggle from time to time, but that’s normal and expected.

I think my therapist was pretty happy with everything I was saying. I know that she doesn’t usually prescribe Vyvanse because she hasn’t seen a lot of success with it, and I know that I really am not a success story yet. I wish that my weight was down more than it is right now and I know that she was expecting that too. So she brought up the idea of adding other medications that might help with both weight loss and mental health.

I would love to be on something that would make me lose weight. But I am also hesitant to add anything else to my routine that is a mood stabilizer. I am having the least amount of anxiety and panic in my life that I can remember and I don’t want to mess that up. I know that my anxiety should have gotten worse, but for some reason it got better for me. And I don’t know what adding another medication may do to that.

I told my therapist exactly that and explained that I really don’t know if I want to try anything new. She really thinks it would be beneficial for me, but she agrees that if I’m not feeling on board with the idea that we shouldn’t do it now. But she gave me the name of the medication so I can do some research on my own and I can go into my next appointment with her understanding more about the medication so we can talk about it more. I know that some of my hesitation was not knowing anything about the medication and wondering about it, so having time to do some research will probably help. And I’m guessing if she still feels like it would benefit me when I see her again, that I’ll agree to go on it.

But for now, everything is staying the same with my plan. I am not changing any medication and I need to keep working on what I’ve been working on. I haven’t made all the changes I should have, but I am trying to get there and that’s the path I need to keep going down. And most likely in 6 months when I have my next appointment, there will be some changes made. But at least I know what is coming up and I can prepare for it.

Big Musical Instead of Big Game (or Another Sunday Night Out)

This past Sunday was the Super Bowl, and there are plenty of times that I’ve watched it (mainly to see my friends in the commercials) or go to a party to watch. I don’t follow football and don’t really know all the random rules of the game, but when I can watch it with friends it’s more of a fun afternoon than watching a game. But I also don’t mind if I miss it since it’s not really a big deal for me.

So when I realized that one of our shows for this season at the Pantages was that day, I didn’t think twice about it. I can always watch the fun commercials online later and even though a LA team was in the game it still wasn’t a big deal for me to watch it. It actually made things a bit easier on us because we didn’t have to deal with traffic on the drive to the theater!

We got a quick dinner at Shake Shack before the show, and we had another benefit of going to a show that evening: the restaurant was empty! Normally, it’s a very long line out the door to order and we’ve waited an hour to order in the past. This time, there was nobody in line and we got our food within 10 minutes! While it’s not my favorite burger place, I’ve learned that getting it without the bun makes it better to me and it’s a cheap and easy dinner. I love our more elaborate dinners before a show, but doing something cheap is nice too especially when I don’t have the extra money.

We went over to the theater early because I needed to change the date for one of my tickets (I’ll be out of town the date everyone else is going so I’ll be doing one show this season alone) and it’s free to do ticket transfers in person. It’s not expensive to do it online, but it was easy enough to do in person since we were there and I’d rather save the money. Even with doing the ticket exchange, we were still in our seats with plenty of time to spare before the show started. And this time, we had another classic musical: “Hello, Dolly!”.

I saw “Hello, Dolly!” once when I was growing up. It was a community theater show that I went to and I remembered it being a very fun show. But I know that community theater is a much smaller scale than what is done at the Pantages so I was very excited to see what this production would be like.

And this production was spectacular! The show was as good as always and I love all the songs. I’ve seen a lot of shows over the past few years, and this show seemed to have the fullest sound. It was amazing and felt like they had twice as many people as they really did in the cast. And I knew the costumes would be great too, and they didn’t disappoint. I love all the colors and fabulous things that people wear. We’ve had other shows that were full of awesome things, but this show seemed to step things up a level.

And the cast was so wonderful! Dolly was played by Betty Buckley, who is a Broadway legend! I had heard from friends who went to the show before I saw it that she just added so much to the character. I think we all loved how she really took her time with certain parts of the show and it was just so funny! Of course, she’s an amazing singer as was the rest of the cast, but watching someone really enjoy playing a character and making it their own is so fun! I know I left the show smiling and so happy that I am getting to see more classic musicals again and on a big stage!

Over the next month, we have our next 2 shows (one of them is the show I will be going to alone). We are really only in the beginning of our current season even though we’ve already had so many shows. That’s what happens when you add some of the add-on shows to the season. And the newest season has just been announced and it will be at both the Pantages and the Dolby theater. My group hasn’t decided what we will be doing yet, but I’m hoping at least one other person will want to do the next season. Every time I see a show (and every time I write these posts), I remember how much joy musicals bring to my life. I really want to keep this going and continue to bring this much happiness to my life!

My Strength In Real Life (or Helping A Friend Gave Me Some New Confidence)

I wrote yesterday about how I was able to lift heavier weights in my workout and how I was shocked what I was able to do. Those workouts really opened my eyes to where I have been holding myself back without realizing it and it was a game changing moment. Sometimes I can be intimidated by the heavier weights in my workout, but I need to get over that and continue to test myself.

I think one of the reasons why I don’t test myself more often is because I don’t see my progress with strength work in my life. I see the progress in my cardio when I get a new PR with a 5K race. Or I see how much easier it is to spend a day walking at Disneyland. Or for some reason, I see weight loss or smaller clothing sizes as a sign of progress with cardio even though I know that’s not always the case. But I don’t get to see the signs of progress with lifting heavier weights since I don’t really life heavy things in my regular life.

But I had a moment where I got to see my strength in life that really added to the boost I had been feeling after my workouts.

A friend of mine had posted that he needed some help packing up his apartment into a moving truck. He was moving to a new place and he was doing the move on his own. Some of the work was just moving boxes as a team so things got done quicker, but he also had some heavy things that he needed help with. His old apartment was pretty close to my house and I had that afternoon free, so I offered to help my friend.

For most of the time that I was helping, my job was to carry boxes that he packed from his door to the moving truck (which was right next to the door) and lifting them into the back of the truck for his girlfriend to organize. The three of us worked really well as a team and it was so much easier doing it that way than to have us all climb up and down the ramp to the truck. We were very efficient in our work and things were going so much faster than any of us expected.

My friend knows that I work out, but there were still a few boxes that he was worried might be too heavy for me. They were fine (although sometimes it was tough to lift into the truck since the floor of the truck was as tall as I am) and I think there were several times where my friend was honestly impressed by what I could carry. I don’t think he expected that I could do as much as I could, but I think he was so happy that I could do it since that allowed him to keep working on packing up other things.

Once we got all the boxes into the truck, we had to move on to the few pieces of furniture that he was taking. Most of the furniture was awkward to carry, but not too heavy. We moved a dresser and a desk without too much effort. It was a bit tough for me to walk up the ramp to the truck, but that was mainly because I couldn’t see my feet and I was worried I’d fall off. I ended up doing shuffle steps up the ramp so I never had to feel like my feet were going off to the side.

The last thing my friend said he needed help moving was his bed frame. He was going to move his mattress the next day when he officially was moving out, but he said the frame was so heavy that he wanted to do it then when he had the help. I couldn’t understand how a bed frame could be heavy because I’ve only seen normal bed frames. But my friend not only had a special bed frame for a Tempurpedic mattress, it was a frame that had a motor in it so the bed could be lifted and raised in different positions.

When we tried to move it at first, there was no way we could do it. I was using all my strength and force and I could only lift it maybe half an inch off the ground for a few seconds. We weren’t sure what we were going to do, but then my friend said he’d be right back. He went through the boxes in his truck and found furniture moving straps. I had seen those straps before and knew they were supposed to help, but I still wondered if we’d be able to move the frame out of his place and into the truck.

But those straps are magic and we were able to lift it up. We had to take breaks every so often because it was still insanely heavy (I have bruises on my arms from the straps), but we got it done. And when it was in the truck, I was exhausted and so happy to be done lifting anything.

And because that frame was so heavy, of course I wanted to know what it really weighed. My friend thought it was about 300 pounds and I thought it was about 175. After several minutes of research online, we finally found it and discovered it weighed 214 pounds (so my friend and I were both wrong). Since I was helping one person lift the frame, essentially I was able to lift 107 pounds! I knew it was heavier than anything I have ever lifted at Orangetheory, but I had no idea it would be that much more! The sense of accomplishment I felt after realizing that is something I wish I could bottle and use for when I’m feeling low. I was on a high from knowing what I did and nothing could bring me down.

I know that the opportunities to lift very heavy things will be limited in my life, but it’s nice when I do have those moments so I can see some results in a normal setting. It’s a reminder and proof that I am so much stronger than I have ever been and the progress is happening even if I don’t know it.

Finding My Strength (or Continuing To Find New Ways To Push Myself)

After having a tough week of workouts with weird injuries, I was so grateful to be back to normal (or at least my normal) this past week. I still had struggles with the usual things in my workout, but I had some amazing moments as well. I was able to find some ways to focus on what I could do on the floor instead of what I did on the bike and I feel like that really made me feel amazing.

Monday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and while it felt like a typical workout is was also a tough one. I was feeling a little off for a few different reasons when I got to class, but when I saw the workout I was pretty excited about it. There have been so many unique workouts lately but it’s always nice to have a classic class.

For cardio, the first block was 3 rounds of a 90 second push pace and a 45 second base pace ending with a 30 second all out. The second block switched things so it was 45 second push paces and 90 second base paces ending with an all out. I struggled a bit with my normal resistance levels on the bike, but I did use them. And the last block was with inclines so we had 4 different all out paces with different hill/resistance levels. I was getting a bit higher than my typical all out level, but it wasn’t quite as high as some of the other hill work I have done in the past.

On the floor, we had Bosu work and rowing. The first block was tricep extensions with weights while kneeling on the Bosu and push-ups with one hand on the Bosu and one hand on the ground. And after 3 rounds of those we had a 100 meter row. The second block was chest fly with weights while laying on the Bosu and low rows using the straps for 2 rounds and then a 200 meter row. And the last block was pullovers with weights and back extensions which were both done while laying on the Bosu and then a 400 meter row after 1 round. I had a little bit of a struggle with the back extensions while laying on my stomach so I had to take those slow. But I also know that going slow also can mean that I’m working harder and have better form so I think it worked to my advantage.

Wednesday’s workout was the Orange X workout, where we try to go as heavy as possible with weights. It was a 3 group class so I had a block on the bike and rower before I got to do the Orange X challenge. We were advised to go a bit easy to save our strength for the floor work, but I was already going easy on myself because I was nauseous.

The first block on the bike was rounds of push paces to base paces with the time going down each time. The second block on the bike was the same except every segment was half of the time we had in the first block. The first block on the rower was rounds of 400 meter rows with chest presses and shoulder presses with a medicine ball between each round. And the second block on the rower was rounds of 200 meter rows and we were supposed to do lunges between each round. But I was not feeling so great so I just stayed on the rower for that entire block.

The Orange X challenge is all about doing single arm low rows, goblet squats, and chest presses with the heaviest weight you can use. I’ve always surprised myself with the weights I could use during these challenges and I was determined to try to improve again. The only one that I knew it couldn’t really improve on just yet is the chest press because I already struggle a lot with the heavy weight I use for that and I don’t want to hurt myself. I actually probably should have gone down to a lower weight because it was harder than I was ok with. I don’t like having the weights above my body when I am scared that I might drop them.

But I knew that I could improve with the low rows and goblet squats. In the past, I’ve used 35lbs for that (I may have used 40lb weight once but I don’t believe so). This time, I decided to go big and go for 45lbs. It was much heavier than I’m used to and I couldn’t do 10 reps in a row without a break, but I did get them done. And with the goblet squats I know we are always pushed to do so much more than we already do. I’ve used 45lbs before and it seemed amazing but I know I can do more. I did one round with 60lbs but when I was on the floor for the second block all the 60lb weights were gone so I went up one higher and managed to do the squats with 65lbs! The most difficult part is holding the weight in my hands and not the squat, but I still felt it in my legs and butt. It was hard and I was exhausted when I was done, but I did it!

After the heavy weightlifting on Wednesday, I was just on such a workout high. I knew I could push myself more on the floor and I needed to find moments to do that. I didn’t have as many opportunities to do that as I would have liked, but it also gave me an extra boost of motivation to work on tracking my floor work more because I need to find a way to know if I’m making progress or stuck using the same weights for months.

Friday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and we spend 15 minutes on each section of the room without switching. For the cardio portion, we started with endurance work with a 6 minute distance challenge. I don’t reset the bike too often because it’s not as quick as resetting the treadmill, so I didn’t focus too much on the distance. Instead, I worked on increasing how fast I pedaled while keeping the bike resistance at my push pace level. The second block was power based and we had 2 rounds of 45 second all out paces. And the last block was a 3 minute distance challenge with extra resistance. The goal was to do half the distance we did in the 6 minute challenge, but I focused more on not slowing down the bike.

The rower focus followed the same pattern as the cardio. For the endurance part, we started with a 400 meter row and we went down 100 meters each round. And between each row, we had 12 frogger squats. The power row was the same as the treadmill with 2 rounds of 45 second all out paces. And the last block was do to half the row distance and half the frogger squats each round (starting with a 200 meter row and going down 50 meters each time with 6 squats).

The floor was one long block. We had deadlifts, dumbbell swings, weighted lunges, regular lunges, and sit-ups. I usually use 25lb weights for my deadlifts and 20lb or 25lb for my swings. But I couldn’t get a 25lb weight since other people were using them. I didn’t want to go to a lower weight since I just proved to myself I could do better, so I went with a set of 30lb weights. The deadlifts and swings weren’t easy with the heavier weight and my hands need to get use to holding them, but I did it. I used lighter weights for my weighted lunges since I have balance issues doing those, but that didn’t feel like a letdown after doing the heavier ones. I was just so happy to prove to myself again that I can do more than I had been trying.

Saturday’s workout was a power day, and it was a very intense power day! We had 3 groups, but the treadmills (or me on the bike) and the rowers worked together in a run/row type format. The plan was the same for 3 rounds each time, it just changed which part of it you started with.

They were all 4 minute blocks. The first 2 minutes had the cardio side doing a 30 second push pace, 30 second base pace, and 1 minute all out. The first 2 minutes on the rowers was a 200 meter row, 20 squats, and the rowing for distance if there was time. Then the cardio side went to the rowers and the rowers went to the cardio side and both had a 1 minute all out. I did that 4 minute block 6 different times (3 when I started on the bike and 3 when I started on the rower), and it was hard! Because of how the class rotated, I did all 6 blocks back to back instead of having 3 and then the floor block before the next 3. But I was glad to get it all done and I tried to catch my breath as much as possible when switching from the bike to the rower or the other way around.

On the floor, we had 1 long block. We had single arm snatches, low rows on the straps, squats, sit-up rotations with weights, and running men. I used my normal weights for the weighted work because I was so tired from all the cardio work. I knew my form was probably going to be sloppy and I didn’t want to risk hurting myself with trying a new and heavier weight. I stuck with focusing on my form and taking the breaks where I needed them. And I really did need them a lot on the floor!

One of my workout goals this year was to track my floor work better. We are already through 1/12 of the year and I’ll be honest that I haven’t been good at trying to figure this out. I’m still struggling with how to do it, but I’m just trying to write it down somewhere for now. I don’t want this year to fly by and I realize I am using the same weights that I’ve been using all year. I have shown myself that I need to work harder because I can do it. And I can only work harder if I know what I have done before.

A Social Media Monthly Challenge (or Wanting To Put Some Positivity Into The World)

My monthly challenges are typically things that I do to better myself or improve my life in some way. I see them as a way to grow and to challenge myself with something that I might have been scared to do before. Doing something for a month isn’t a huge time commitment and I’ve almost always been pleasantly surprised that I end up wanting those challenges to be a part of my every day life moving forward.

Last month’s challenge was one that I set to work on bettering myself. I did a little bit of online learning every day. I had such high hopes for this challenge and what good things I would be able to add to my skill set. But I think my expectations were a bit too high. While I did enjoy doing the online classes, it felt more like I was sampling the classes and seeing what the subject was about instead of learning. I think maybe my expectations were high because I have done online classes at community colleges before when I just wanted to learn a subject (it’s a pretty cheap thing to do). And these online classes I found for free weren’t the same.

I also might have been doing more sampling of different subjects instead of just focusing hard on one thing. Maybe if I was focused on learning everything that I could about one thing, I would have felt differently. I’m not upset or disappointed about the challenge I did in January, I just had a different end result from what I thought I’d have. But I am grateful that I found so many amazing free online education services because I am going to continue to take advantage of them. I don’t know if it will be a daily thing, but it will be something I turn to when I need to learn more about a subject or want to add a skill set. I might have to build upon the free classes with something I pay for, but it will at least be a start.

But for February, I’m going to make the challenge a bit more than just something  for me. While this will benefit me, it will hopefully also benefit other people as well.

I’m a fairly active user of social media. While I don’t always post things to make my life look amazing, I do keep a lot of it positive. Mainly, I think I keep things positive on Instagram and Facebook. I know that I post real and tough things on there too, but it’s easily a mix of good and bad. But on Twitter, I’ve noticed that I have posted more negative or serious things.

I’m sure that’s happening because it’s very easy to share someone else’s post on Twitter. I can retweet from so many different sources with a simple click and I do follow a lot of more serious accounts. And I feel like the serious things that I’m sharing are important things like political issues that I’m passionate about. If I see a problem or misleading information that can harm others, I make sure I express my opinion. Social media is designed to do just that.

But because I share so much serious stuff like politics or news, I feel like I don’t balance it out with more positive things. I do share good things from time to time when I do my daily tweets about my union, but I don’t do a lot of random happiness or silly posts. And when I do post them, like this tweet about my grandma and my aunt and uncle’s new puppy, I always feel good for putting something out there that can make someone smile.

I’ve also done text messages to friends who I know are going through a tough time with silly photos or videos saying that they are to be used when they need a cuteness break. And realizing how happy doing those texts make me has inspired my challenge for this month (and hopefully beyond since I think this is one that I will keep up).

I want to share something on Twitter every day that is just to share positivity or to make someone smile. It might be something I created myself or a photo I took and it might be just me retweeting something that makes me happy from another account. There are a bunch of accounts I can follow that post only things like that and I’m going to use those as a resource to retweet when I don’t have something of my own to share.

While this might not balance out all the serious things I post, it will help. And you never know when someone scrolling through your feed is needing that random smile. Posting something every day is a pretty simple effort but it can have a big impact if it gets to the right person at the right time. And there is a good chance that I will be the person that needs the mood boost from time to time and sharing something online will be benefitting me more than anyone else.

This should be a pretty easy challenge for me to do because I can create a list of good accounts to retweet from as well as set a reminder for myself to post something. I’ve gotten so used to doing my daily union tweets so this will be adding on to that habit.

But just because it’s easy it doesn’t mean that it won’t affect me. I’m excited to know that I’ll be putting more good and positivity into the world every day and I can’t wait to see how much happier I will be by the end of the month!