Monthly Archives: June 2015

Another Evening Of Mentoring (or Having Faith In My Agents)

Posted on June 16, 2015 | Comments Off on Another Evening Of Mentoring (or Having Faith In My Agents)

Last week was another meeting of my WIF mentoring circle with our mentors. I’m really enjoying seeing almost everyone every month (and my mentors every other month) and I really do feel like as a group we have really bonded.

At this meeting, we updated our mentors on what we had gotten accomplished since our last meeting with them. I had known a bit of what my fellow mentees had done since we had our potluck last month, but everyone had some really great updates.

Some people had booked some amazing work in their fields since even our meeting last month. I love to hear that they are all doing so well and that they are moving forward in their careers. Sometimes I feel like I am so far behind in my career compared to all of them, but it does inspire me to see what is possible.

For my update, first of all my mentors asked me to log all of my auditions between our last meeting and this meeting (so 2 months worth). I had 4 auditions, and I was pretty happy about that. My mentors seemed a little surprised by how few auditions I had, but they also understood that the industry is a bit slow right now. But they still questioned why so few auditions when the other actress in the group had about 10 times the number of auditions as me. But you really can’t compare us since we are totally different types and she is non-union while I am union.

My mentors did ask me about how I feel about my agents. Honestly, I love my agents. They have worked so hard for me and truly believe in me. But I think that since I know them so well it might be tough for others to understand why I believe in them so much. It probably seems like blind faith.

But not all agents would have worked as so hard for me as they have. They have stuck with me through lots of weight changes (and some hair changes). Not all agents would have dealt with that. I bet that most agents would have dropped me for gaining weight.

But my agents believe that I can book work at whatever weight I happen to be. And they know that it’s just a matter of time before I book something great. And they know I work really hard all the time. When I’m not auditioning, I work hard at building my reputation in this industry as a good, reliable, and knowledgable actor. And hopefully with that reputation casting directors and other industry people will remember that and bring me in for parts that are right for me. And many of my auditions are at casting offices that I’ve auditioned at before. So it’s not that I’m not a good actor, it’s that the part I auditioned for wasn’t right. And hopefully those offices will keep bringing me in until the part is right for me.

I know that it’s tough to understand sometimes why I’m being so patient about lack of auditions. Or why I trust my agents so much when I don’t have dozens of auditions each month. I guess it’s because I have faith in myself and my career. I know that when it’s my time to shine, I’m going to be totally ready and prepared for it. And all I have to do is keep getting prepared and be patient because eventually it will be my time.

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Default ThumbnailHearing Some Non-Nonsense Advice (or A Substitute Mentor) Default ThumbnailMeeting My Mentoring Circle (or Being In The Minority) Default ThumbnailMentoring Circle (or Women Who Support Each Other) Default ThumbnailMore Mentoring (or This Is Exactly What I Needed) Default ThumbnailEnd Of The Mentoring Circle (or One Final Lunch) Default ThumbnailAnother Evening Of Mentees (or Advice and Socializing)

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff

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Daily PRs (or I Did Reach My Peak Performance)

Posted on June 15, 2015 | 3 comments

This past week was a 4 workout week (yay!), but I just want to talk about my first 3 workouts of the week.

Monday-Friday was Peak Performance Week at Orangetheory. Every day there was a difference challenge (almost like the Monday Challenges) and the goal was to push yourself to go the most you could do. And the top people each day got a prize.

I knew that there would be no way for me to rank #1 in the challenges so I was only competing against myself. I like that I wasn’t stressed about competing against others so I could really focus on myself.

Monday’s task was 24 minutes on the treadmill for distance. I really didn’t have a goal distance for this one. I just knew that I wanted to do my best and since this was the first time I had done a 24 minute distance challenge that whatever I get would be considered a PR. In my dreams, I would love to have been as close to 1.55 miles because that is half of a 5K, but that would have meant that my speed would have been significantly faster than anything I’ve done.

The first 3 minutes of the 24 minute distance time was at a push pace, which for me meant 10% incline. I was at 3.4 miles an hour and after those 3 minutes were done I went back to my “flat road” of 4% incline. Then I decided to see if I could go 3.5 miles an hour for more than a minute or two. So I bumped up the speed to 3.5 at 4% incline. 2 minutes went by and I was feeling good so I decided to go close to a push pace again at 8% incline (still at 3.5 miles an hour).

I did the last 21 minutes of the challenge at 3.5 miles an hour alternating between 4 and 8% incline. The final minute I kept bumping up the speed because I saw that it might be possible to get to 1.4 miles in 24 minutes. In the end, I didn’t quite make it.

OTF Distance

But even if I didn’t go quite as far as I thought I would, I still did 21 minutes at 3.5 miles an hour! I’ve been working toward that goal for a while and I finally made it!

Wednesday’s challenge was a plank challenge. I used to be amazing at planks. I remember back when I was losing weight for my hip surgery that my personal trainer was always amazing that I could hold a plank for what seemed like an endless time. But after my hip surgery, I could barely hold a plank for any amount of time. It has to do with how my hips sit when in that position. It causes my bones to rest against each other in an awkward and uncomfortable position.

Since I struggle with planks, I didn’t have a ton of expectations for this challenge. I didn’t want to be the first person to drop, but beyond that I didn’t know what I could do. My trainer wanted me to make it 90 seconds, so I figured I’d try for that. I don’t have any photos from my attempt (I was busy holding my plank), but I did manage to hold it for 2 minutes exactly!

While I was pretty happy with my plank time, I hated what happened to the rest of my workout. Because of the pain from the plank (the plank was the first thing in the workout), I was struggling to just walk after that. I wanted to go back to 3.5 miles an hour, but my hip was catching and the pain was making me tear up. So I went back to 3.4 miles an hour and just tried to focus on walking and not quitting. I hate when my hip issues cause problems like this, but I need to know that the pain and discomfort is temporary and won’t be there for all my workouts.

For the final day of Peak Performance Week, we had a 1 mile run (or for me, 1 mile walk). I didn’t know what my PR for a treadmill walk would be, but I looked at my fastest 5K time and the mile time that went with that. That mile time was 17:23 so my plan was to just be faster than that. I really wanted it to be under 17 minutes, but I would have been happy with even 17:22. Just anything that proves I’m making progress.

I did the entire mile at my “flat road” of 4% incline and started at 3.5 miles an hour. At about .3 miles in, I decided that I’d try to bump it up some more (I know, I’m crazy). I went to 3.6 miles an hour at that point. Then the coach bugged me that I needed to bump up my speed some more so I promised that I would try to bump it up another .1 miles an hour at .7 miles in. And as I promised, I did just that.

When I was at .9 miles in I realized that I was easily going to get a mile PR time and that it might be possible to beat my old PR by a minute! So I kept bumping it up bit by bit as I got closer to the mile mark. In the end, I got up to 4.2 miles an hour but that was crazy fast and uncomfortable for me.

But I did manage to get another PR this week with my mile time.

OTF 1 Mile

53 seconds faster than my mile time at my last 5K! That’s pretty amazing! The only thing I wonder is if I could maintain this speed for 3.1 miles and not just 1 mile. Also, I do have the advantage in my races by being at a real flat road and not my 4% flat road. So I have no idea what this means for my 5K time just yet.

But no matter how this relates to my 5K time, this is still faster on the treadmill than I was going before my last 5K. So I feel pretty confident that by the time November gets here (when I’m doing my next 5K), that I should be able to get another race PR.

I really feel good about how I did during Peak Performance Week. I definitely pushed myself to do better than I have in the past and I’ve proved to myself that maybe my mind has been holding me back when my body was ready to be pushed. I’m hoping that I can maintain 3.5 miles an hour for my treadmill workouts. If I can’t maintain it for my entire workout I at least know now that I can start there and go back down if I have to.

I’m hoping that Orangetheory will do another Peak Performance Week soon. I really liked it and it really motivated me to keep pushing my workouts to be better and better.

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Default ThumbnailPeak Performance Week (or Pushing Myself To The Max) Default ThumbnailPeak Performance Week (or Getting Closer To Some PRs) Default ThumbnailNew Year New Challenges (or Getting Ready For Peak Performance) Default ThumbnailAnother Peak Performance Week (or Working Extra Hard) Default ThumbnailTruly My Peak Performance (or Exceeding My Expectations) Default ThumbnailGoing Big During Peak Performance Week (or A Week Of PRs)

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health

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Celebrating 200 Episodes Of The Podcast (or Come and Celebrate With Me!)

Posted on June 12, 2015 | 2 comments

Remember a while ago how I shared that the podcast I work for was celebrating 100 episodes? Well, enough time has passed now that we are now getting ready to celebrate our 200th episode!

200 episodes of a podcast is a rarity. I hate when I find a podcast that I love and they quit after a few dozen episodes. It isn’t easy to have a podcast go up regularly (we post one once a week), so it’s something to be proud of when we hit major milestones like this!

We’ve got a 2 part celebration for our 200th and you can celebrate with us even if you aren’t in LA! Both parts of the event will be coming up on June 29th (a Monday), so mark your calendars now!

First, we will be doing a live recording at SAG Foundation. We will be doing a Q&A with the team behind the tv show “Defiance”! While this event is being done at the union, it is open to both union and non-union guests. But RSVPs are required and seating is limited. So if you’d like to join us for the first part of our 200th episode celebration, go to this link and reserve your spot. But if you’d like to watch our live recording and you aren’t in LA, that’s ok! We will be live-streaming the event through SAG Foundation’s live-stream. To join us for that, you can come to this link on the 29th at 7pm.

After what I’m sure will be an awesome recording, we will be moving from SAG Foundation to The Parlor on Melrose to have a great after party! We will be partnering with the LA Actors Tweetup for the after party and will be having a photo booth by The Headshot Truck and sweet treats by Sugar Swag Bakeshoppe.

IAP:Tweetup

You can see the event invite on Facebook as well. Only the recording requires RSVPs. The after party is open to all and no RSVP is needed (although you can say you are attending on Facebook so we can be excited to see you!).

This is going to be such a fun evening. I know that the live-recording will be great because we have amazing guests for it. And I think everyone can agree that an after party that has a photo booth and treats is a win!

I’m so excited to be able to celebrate the podcast’s accomplishments. Even though I am a part of the team, I’m really celebrating our two hosts Trevor and AJ. They did this podcast for a long time without ever having any help. I was the first team member added and while I helped to coordinate interviews, they still had to do so much of the work on their own. Now we have a slightly bigger team, but this is all done with the leadership of the hosts. They are the captains of the ship and we should all celebrate them for creating (and maintaining) not only an amazing podcast but the wonderful community that they have created around it.

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Default ThumbnailLive Podcast Episode (or Another Way You Can Support Me) Default ThumbnailInside Acting Podcast (or The End Of An Era But Not The End) Default Thumbnail200 Episodes (or We Managed To Throw An Amazing Event!) Default ThumbnailExpress Headshot Day (or Another Fun Podcast Event) Default ThumbnailCelebrating 300 Episodes (or We Had Another Amazing Party) Default ThumbnailPodcast Nerd (or Celebrating At NPR)

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Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fun Stuff

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Getting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

Posted on June 11, 2015 | Comments Off on Getting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

After having so many days of “bad” food days, I knew I needed to get myself back in gear. If I didn’t, I would easily regain all the weight I had worked so hard to lose (plus some). I’ve been in this cycle for years (or decades) and I know that it won’t end on its own. I have to be proactive.

I’ve been trying to figure out what would be the best way to get back on track. I tried doing the diet plan from the cleanse again but that wasn’t working. I was feeling really sick and I couldn’t figure out what was causing it.

I also tried going back to my weekly meal prep, but whenever I did I felt like I wasn’t totally into it and found that I wasn’t satisfied with my meals. So I would eat something else (like take-out) or after my meal I would still eat something else.

I think that it is so hard for me to find a “normal” diet because I’ve never really had one. Even as a kid and teenager I had food issues. So normal is completely abnormal to me.

But I have to find my own normal. So I’ve been working on that this week. I’ve been doing research on food options and seeing what seems most likely for me to follow.

Basically, I’m back to a similar plan to the cleanse with many modifications. I’m trying to just have fruit for breakfast. I was hungry at the beginning because I’ve gotten used to bigger breakfasts (usually a waffle with peanut butter), but I’m starting to feel more comfortable just having fruit in the morning. On Mondays when I have a morning workout I might have something more substantial, but on non-workout mornings I’m good with just fruit.

Lunches are a bit more varied. I’ve had sandwiches, apples with cheese, or a microwave meal (I’m trying to stick with the more organic ones even though I know those still aren’t ideal). Basically lunch needs to be something that is quick to put together and easy to eat. And hopefully something that I can put down and continue eating later if I get a call from a customer at work.

On workout days, I sometimes have a snack after work. Usually those are pre-packaged individual serving bags of cashews. Those help keep me from feeling too hungry or light-headed during my workout.

Dinners are still a struggle. I know better options for take out that I can get if necessary, but I’m really trying to make more dinners at home (especially on nights that I’m not working out or going somewhere). I’m doing a lot of rice bowls with either beans and veggies or a veggie burger on top. Those aren’t bad options, but I’m hoping to figure out something else besides rice bowls that I like to make for dinner (and don’t make me wish I had something else).

These are baby steps in the right direction, but at least they are on the right direction. I’m hoping that I’m finally able to find a balance that works for me in the long-term and doesn’t just feel like a quick fix (like everything has in the past).

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Default ThumbnailFood Scheduling (or Trying Out New Things) Default ThumbnailFinding A Balance (or Eating Healthy And Fun At The Same Time) Default ThumbnailFinding My Way Back On Track (or A New Balance) Default ThumbnailFinding A Work/Life Balance (or Preparing to Not Be Unemployed) Default ThumbnailVacation From Meal Planning (or Finding It Hard To Go Back) Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Meal Planning (or Will Food Ever Be Easy For Me?)

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Upgrading My Self-Tape Set Up (or 2 Auditions In 30 Minutes)

Posted on June 10, 2015 | Comments Off on Upgrading My Self-Tape Set Up (or 2 Auditions In 30 Minutes)

I’ve done self-taping in the past, but I’ve always kind of figured out last-minute how to set things up at my house. I’ve used a towel or blanket as my backdrop and just had a friend come and run the camera for me. Most of the time, casting directors understand that when you self-tape, it’s not going to look as nice as when you go into a casting office so it’s ok if it’s not perfect.

But this week I had 2 different self-tape auditions that I needed to do so I decided that this was the time to take things a bit more seriously.

First step was getting a nice backdrop for my auditions. I knew that I wanted a blue backdrop (it’s a nice flattering color) and I figured getting a king sized sheet would be the easiest way to do it. So I headed to Bed Bath & Beyond (with a 20% off coupon) and went hunting for the cheapest blue sheet I could find.

Self-Tape Backdrop

I’ll admit that it wasn’t as easy as I thought to find just a flat sheet and not a sheet set. I looked at curtains as well, but those were pretty pricey and weren’t that wide. But I ended up finding the perfect king flat sheet and got that (and saved my receipt since this is a tax write-off).

My two auditions were pretty different. One was for a web series and had 4 different scenes each with a line or two. I submitted for that role through Actors Access (an online casting service) and instead of getting an audition request they sent me a self-tape request.

The second audition was for the ABC Diversity Showcase. This was similar to the NBC Showcase I self-taped for last year. This time, they had a couple of different scene options online and we could do whatever scene we felt best represented us.

I put a request online to my friends to see who would be able to help me self-tape, and my friend (and fellow mentee) Melissa was happy to help. She had just done her audition for the ABC Showcase as well and had a nice camera that we could use.

I ended up wearing the same outfit for both auditions (I didn’t plan on that but it ended up working out that way) and I think my outfit looked great against my new backdrop.

Self-Tape

Melissa helped me with the web series audition first. We did 2 different takes and I was very happy with the second one.

The ABC Diversity Showcase audition took a few more takes. First, we did the introduction part of the audition. I had to say my first name, hometown, and answer one of the questions they posted on the website (I answered what superpower I’d like to have).

Then we moved on to the audition. As much as I tried to be memorized, having 2 totally different auditions in the same day threw me a bit. I wasn’t totally memorized, but I was pretty close. The audition was about 4 pages long and we went through it quite a few times. Many times, I didn’t get through the entire scene before I decided to stop. I think we only made it through the entire scene twice before I felt good about it.

We managed to knock out 2 auditions in just under 30 minutes. My brain was working overtime and as soon as we finished I relaxed and was able to think about what I just did. I was still feeling happy about my auditions so we decided that we were done.

Melissa took the memory card home with her and she emailed me the edited auditions pretty soon after we finished recording. And I was able to email both of my auditions to the respective casting directors that evening.

I’m pretty happy with the new backdrop I bought for self-taping auditions. It will be much nicer to use than a towel or blanket. And hopefully I’ll have more self-tape auditions in the future. They are becoming more common since you could even use your phone to record an audition. I will still use my regular camera or have a friend use their nicer camera for any auditions I have to do on my own. It’s nicer than an iPhone and I’d rather try to have things look as nice as possible without going crazy.

But having things more ready for self-taping (and having friends who are willing and able to help) are great steps toward being prepared for having more and more auditions come my way!

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Default ThumbnailSelf-Taping At Home (or Auditioning In Yoga Pants) Default ThumbnailTaking More Chances (or Maybe I’ll Get Picked This Time) Default ThumbnailAudition Prep (or Taking My Career Seriously) Default ThumbnailAudition Fairy (or The Tale Of Two Auditions) Default ThumbnailAn Isolation Audition (or Working On My Self-Tape Game) Default ThumbnailSelf-Tape Saturday (or Turning A Video Shoot Into A Photo Shoot)

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff, Shopping

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Watching Musicals At Home (or Getting Antsy To Get Back To NYC)

Posted on June 9, 2015 | Comments Off on Watching Musicals At Home (or Getting Antsy To Get Back To NYC)

This past Sunday was the Tony Awards. While I’ve dreamed of winning pretty much every type of acting award, I’ve never dreamed of winning a Tony. I know that they have acting awards for plays, but in my head the Tonys are for musicals. And since I’m tone-deaf, I’m never going to win an award that involves singing.

But I love watching the Tony Awards. Prior to my NYC trip last year and getting this season’s tickets for Pantages, the Tonys were almost my only exposure to musicals. I love watching the presentations that each of the best musical nominees do on the show. And I’d always chose which shows I’d want to see when they came to LA (even though I never went to see them).

This year, I watched the Tonys at home alone. There were some funny moments (like this matchy-matchy dress moment).

2015 Tonys

And with any awards show, I loved watching the speeches. Especially from people who won for the very first time (some of whom won on their Broadway debut).

And of course, I watched (and re-watched) the performances several times.

I texted my sister-in-law to joke that I was watching the Tonys to pick out what musicals we should see when we get back to New York. But even though I said that as a joke, now I’m really hoping that we can make that a reality soon.

My brother and sister-in-law are moving soon. And my sister-in-law hasn’t really been able to job hunt from a different city. So she has no idea what her job situation will be like in the near future. We really can’t trip plan without knowing that.

And with my jobs now, I’m not too sure about my availability to go out of town. For my newest job, I’m sure it would be fine. I could probably even get work done on vacation without too many issues. But for my box office job, I have no idea how I can take a trip. I’d probably just have to take time off without pay (and hope that my boss is ok with that). I never asked about that when I interviewed for the job since my focus was on getting a job more than anything. But they have been flexible with me taking occasional time off for auditions as well as having time off for spending time with my family after my grandpa’s death. So I’m sure I could figure out how to take a trip.

I haven’t really thought about how I’d take a trip with my jobs, but now that I’ve watched the Tonys and have seen performances from several musicals that I really want to see; I really want to get back to New York at some point this year.

Hopefully I can figure out how to save up the money and get the time off (without losing too much of my paycheck) in the near future so my sister-in-law and I can start planning this! We said that we wanted to make our NYC trip an annual tradition and we’ve got until December to make that a reality.

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Default ThumbnailSAG Awards (or Watching After Knowing The Winners) Default ThumbnailSeeing “Pippin” (or Another Evening At The Pantages) Default ThumbnailHaving A Season Of Musicals (or Finally Enjoying Something I Haven’t Done Since I Moved To LA) Default ThumbnailSunsets and Songs (or Why Season Tickets To The Pantages Was The Best Decision Ever) Default ThumbnailThe SAG Awards (or I Am An Actor) Default ThumbnailGrease Live (or A Fun Night In With Friends)

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Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Travel

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1 Year Of Going Orange (or Anniversary Celebrations)

Posted on June 8, 2015 | Comments Off on 1 Year Of Going Orange (or Anniversary Celebrations)

I was headed to my Orangetheory workout on Monday when I got a notification of an email from Orangetheory. My first thought was that maybe class was cancelled due to some weird reason or the parking garage was closed and they were giving us a heads up.

But instead, this is what it said:

1 Year Of OTF

It’s true, June 1st marked 1 year since my very first Orangetheory workout! One year ago I did a workout that made it tough for me to walk for several days after! I wondered at the time if I would ever do the workout again or if I could even do it on a semi-regular basis. But I decided to take a chance and see what could happen.

One year and over 150 workouts later, I’m much stronger and healthier. When I started I was using mainly 8 or 10 pound weights. Now, I’m using 15 pounds weights for most things (and 20 pound weights for deadlifts and occasionally squats). When I started I was going 3.0 miles an hour. I remember when I started going 3.1 miles an hour and how proud I was of myself because that meant that I could do a 5K in an hour again. Now, I’m at 3.4 miles an hour on the treadmill and I’m hoping that within a month I will start doing 3.5 miles an hour a little bit in my workout.

I can’t believe that a year has passed since that first workout. In one way, it seems like just a month or so ago that I struggled through that workout. But at the same time, it’s hard remembering what life was like where I didn’t spend almost every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday working out.

I was on a high for my Monday workout knowing that it was my 1 year anniversary at Orangetheory. I really wanted to try getting my treadmill faster for that workout, but my body just wasn’t having it. But I was just happy to spend my 1 year anniversary at Orangetheory doing a workout there. That seemed right to me.

Not only was it my 1 year anniversary with Orangetheory, Friday marked 1 year since the grand opening of the location I go to (I started before the grand opening since I went to a pre-opening bloggers event)!

All day on Friday they had special things at the studio to celebrate.

OTF Party

Since I was working during the day, I missed out on the taco truck. But they did have snacks and drinks after my 4pm workout. And during my workout they had a live DJ doing the music for the class (the DJ classes are a pretty regular thing but they usually aren’t at the times that I go).

Everyone was in a very festive mood at the workout and that helped make the workout go by a little faster.

And since this week started off my second year at Orangetheory, I figured I should get 4 workouts in for the week instead of 3. I’m hoping that 4 workouts will soon be the norm and I’m working on finding exactly when in my schedule I can do them. But this past week it worked out well to go on Saturday after my box office shift was done.

The Saturday workout was a bit tough, but that was mainly because we didn’t rotate between the treadmill and the floor until the halfway point. Even though I’m more used to the extended treadmill time, I still don’t love having 24 minutes on the treadmill without a break on the floor doing weights (or when it’s a run/row and you break up the treadmill time with rowing).

I think that my 4 workout week was a great way to start my 2nd year at Orangetheory. I’m impressed that I got over 150 workouts in for my first year (especially since I wasn’t doing 4 workouts a week until a few months in). My goal for 2015 is to do 175 workouts, and I am on track for that. But maybe I can beat that goal for year 2 of Orangetheory!

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Default ThumbnailSome Holiday Workouts (or Back On The Treadmill This Week) Default ThumbnailNot Being So Hard On Myself (or Missing A Workout Goal This Month) Default Thumbnail4 Workout Week (or Heavy Weights And Speedy Treadmills) Default ThumbnailPushing Myself Enough (or Listening To My Body) Default Thumbnail1 Year Of Running (or A New Anniversary To Celebrate) Default ThumbnailMy SoulCycle Anniversary (or 1 Year Of Spinning)

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Posted in Celebrations, Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health

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Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)

Posted on June 5, 2015 | Comments Off on Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)

Lately I’ve been writing about some struggles I’m been having. I’m writing about them for a couple of reasons. One is that sometimes I don’t have much to say and sharing the struggles is something that can be shared. The other is that I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can on this blog. I don’t want to hide things or only show the good parts of my life. So many people do that on social media and it really doesn’t do anyone any good. Everyone goes through rough times and it’s only fair to show the good and the bad in your life if you are sharing it publicly.

But through me sharing my struggles on here, even at the beginning of my blog, I’ve gotten so much support. It shocked me then and it still shocks me now. Even though I know that I’m loved and cared about, having support is always unexpected and very much appreciated.

I’ve gotten so much support lately from so many people. A lot of people have helped me deal with my grandpa’s death. I’m still struggling with this because I haven’t really felt too sad about it and that makes me feel like a horrible person. But my grandpa and I have had a very complicated relationship and I think that I’m just trying to work through that.

I had so much support over the years about my mom’s cancer. The support was so wonderful when I got it and while I wish that nobody else has to go through cancer, I’m glad that I’m now able to repay the favor and give other support.

But the support that I’ve gotten for my eating disorder really has been the best. I’ve dealt with a couple of haters and rude comments in the past on here, but I just delete those. I know that I will probably always have one or two random people who believe that I’m talking about my eating disorder on here as a way to get attention or to hope that my blog post goes viral (both things I’ve been accused of in the past). But I do it for me and if someone else gets something out of it, then that’s awesome.

Every bit of support that I’ve gotten has helped me so much in my journey. I really wonder where I would be today if I didn’t have the support that I get virtually or in person. I’m such a happier and more productive person now than I was before. And every single one of you who reads this has been a part of the change in my life.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me in my good times and bad times (that totally sounds like wedding vows), thank you for cheering me on in person at races or at the gym, and thank you for inspiring me to be a better person.

I got tagged in this photo the other day by a friend of mine, and I think it perfectly expresses how I should feel about the journey I’ve been on so far, even with my setbacks. And you all remind me of this whenever I have a tough day.

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Default Thumbnail400 Posts (or Wow, That’s A Lot Of Writing!) Default ThumbnailHonesty Time (or Going Backwards) Default ThumbnailNational Eating Disorder Awareness Week (or Not Talking About It Is Part Of The Problem) Default ThumbnailRecapping My 2016 (or Almost Doing All That I Wanted To) Default ThumbnailLooking Back At My Old Self (or I Guess I Did Gain What I Wanted) Default ThumbnailGetting Back To Better Food (or Finding My Own Balance)

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Trying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track)

Posted on June 4, 2015 | 1 comment

Why does it seem like whenever I make progress, something comes that sets me back?

Once again, my weight loss progress has stalled. And I know it’s my fault. I’m not doing so great with my food (again).

I tried to go back to my cleanse plan, but my body wasn’t happy with that. I was getting nauseous and dizzy throughout the day, especially during workouts. And those symptoms would last for an extended period of time where I didn’t feel safe driving or sometimes even walking (I ran into several doors in my house and got lots of bruises). So I tried to just say with a good “normal” diet plan with trying to stay in my calories each day.

It’s just not working. I’m finding that I’m screwing up almost on a daily basis. It’s  not as bad as it’s been in the past, so that is some progress. But these little slip ups do add up and they really are effecting my weight loss.

The one thing I will say is that no matter how bad I feel after eating “bad” foods, I’m still going in for my workouts. In the past, if I had a binge episode I would spend the next day or so recovering from it. And that recovery usually meant laying in bed or the couch waiting for my body to stop hurting. But now, even if I’m hurting or feel sick I still work out. I might not work out as hard as I know I could, but something is better than nothing.

And with this setback with my food, I’m also having a problem for the first time with water intake. I’ve always been someone who drinks too much water. In fact, I’ve had to monitor my water to not drink too much (that can cause issues). I’m still getting in close to 100oz of water every day, but that’s less than I’d like to drink. I’d rather be closer to 125oz.

I just bought a new water glass for my house online and it should be delivered in the next week or two. This one is a 24oz tumbler that is double-walled so I can have it next to my computer while I’m working and I don’t have to worry about the water sweat. Hopefully that will help me get more water in while I’m working (that’s been one of the toughest times for me to hydrate).

Even though I’m having these setbacks, acknowledging them is a major step. And stopping my bad habits before I get back to my before weight is progress too. The water issue seems easier for me to fix than the food one. But I’m really hoping that I can slowly get back on track soon.

Maybe all these setbacks and needing to get back on track moments aren’t really setbacks. Maybe this is just what “normal” eating is like. I’ve never really experienced that so it is a foreign thing for me to deal with.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Set Back (or Why Can’t I Just Learn My Lesson) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work) Default ThumbnailThe Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?) Default ThumbnailRoutine Time Again (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailFinding My Way Back On Track (or A New Balance) Default ThumbnailSeeing My Therapist (or Building Habits)

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Posted in Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Feeling Refreshed (or Looking Good While Babysitting)

Posted on June 3, 2015 | Comments Off on Feeling Refreshed (or Looking Good While Babysitting)

With so much going on lately, some of my regular “maintenance” things have been forgotten. I usually get my hair done pretty regularly but with everything keeping me busy I just kept putting off doing it. I’ve had some people make some comments about my hair not looking its best, so I realized that I needed to stop procrastinating and finally get my hair done.

I finally made an appointment with my friend who does my hair this past weekend and since I would be over there anyway I agreed to babysit as well. I’ve been watching her kids for forever so they are usually pretty good for me. And since it was going to pretty much just dinner, watch a movie, and then put the kids to bed; I knew it would be a pretty easy evening.

But before babysitting, I got my hair cut and colored. I’ve been getting it dyed red for a very long time now. I’d like to switch it up a little bit, but that also means getting new headshots. So we have to keep my hair in pretty much the same color family. But my friend was able to make it a bit more copper than it has been in the past, so while it’s still similar it’s a nice subtle change for me.

Fresh Hair

I love when my hair is freshly dyed and looking so nice! If I could afford to get my hair dyed as soon as my roots are starting to show, I would do so. But for now, I’m usually getting it done every 3 months (I’m hoping to change that to every other month soon).

I always think it’s pretty funny that when I have my hair looking the best that I usually spend that night babysitting. But that’s how it goes when you babysit your hairstylist’s kids.

The babysitting job was relatively easy. Since the kids know me so well they sometimes try to pull an attitude with me, but nothing that bad (nothing compared to some families whose kids have hit me). Plus, when they pull an attitude with me my friend trusts me enough to handle it and call them out. So I don’t feel like I have to put up with her kids lying to me and arguing with me about things (usually about dumb things like how they claim they are allowed 4 different desserts).

But besides the kids trying to trick me into extra desserts, they were super well-behaved and went to bed without too much fighting. And once the kids were asleep, I spent the rest of the time there reading my book.

While I love being super social and busy, it’s also super nice to take care of myself and have time to read (and in an air-conditioned house!). While I didn’t get to take advantage of my awesome looking hair that night, it was fine with me.

At least I finally got my hair done and my roots and split ends taken care of and nobody will say that my hair is looking a little scraggly!

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Default ThumbnailGetting A New Look (or Two Attempts To Dye My Hair) Default ThumbnailCoconut Oil Hair Mask (or Trying A Simple DIY Beauty Trick) Default ThumbnailBabysitting=New Vacuum (or I’ve Got $0.49 To Spare) Default ThumbnailDoing Some Beautification (or Feeling Better From The Outside In) Default ThumbnailComedy in Babysitting (or Surviving An Afternoon With A Crying 2 Year Old) Default ThumbnailLoving Air Conditioning (or A Bonus To Babysitting And Working)

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