Tag Archives: weight gain

Letting Go Of The Old Me (or This Was Very Overdue)

Posted on November 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Letting Go Of The Old Me (or This Was Very Overdue)

For quite some time, I have said I needed to go through my closet and dresser and get rid of clothes I don’t wear anymore. I also needed to see what things might have holes or other things that needed to be repaired so I could decide if they should be tossed or fixed. I’ve gone through my clothes from time to time and have gotten rid of a lot that was just taking up space, but I know I need to do more work with this because there are things that I’m convincing myself I will wear again.

But there is one part of my wardrobe that I didn’t look at any time I did a closet clean. I think a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight do this, but I had a small collection of my favorite skinny clothes. This wasn’t in my closet but in a storage bag under my bed. So I didn’t have to look at them and be reminded of my skinny clothes that often, but I always knew they were there.

When I lost weight, I was more than happy to get clothes that fit me better. I would try smaller sizes as soon as my current clothes felt even a little baggy. When I gained weight, I held on to those smaller sizes until it was painful to wear them anymore and then I would size up. I haven’t been my skinny size in well over a decade, but for some reason, I still held on to my favorite pieces.

So the other day, when I was doing a big clean to really look at what I want to move and what I don’t need, I decided to finally open up those storage bags and see what I could get rid of. Most of the items in there were things I kept for sentimental reasons. There was one thing that wasn’t skinny clothes, but only sentimental. I had my high school prom dress in that storage bag. I did like my prom dress, but it wasn’t like it was a dream dress or anything. I struggled to find something in my size but I was glad I found something that fit me and was pretty. I only wore it one other time for a costume party, but I was holding on to it. And I figured it was time to let it go so it went into the pile of things to get rid of (which was going to be donated).

And then I started going through the rest of the clothing from the bag. I had 2 pairs of jeans that were the smallest jeans I wore as an adult and they really fit me well when I was that size. I had a few different dresses that I kept for random reasons. One was a cocktail dress that I lucked into finding and wore quite a bit when I was that size. Another I never wore but I bought because it fit perfectly, was a color I loved, and was on clearance when I found it. The only way I knew it was on clearance was because the tags were still on it. I also had a few different shirts that were a mix of fancy dress shirts and silly t-shirts that reminded me of something specific. I thought I had a lot more in that storage bag, but it was under a dozen things.

I thought about keeping a few of my favorites, but honestly, there isn’t really a good reason to do that. I will have more closet space at my new place, but I don’t need to hold onto these things. Even if I fit into them again, they aren’t really in style or my taste anymore. And while they do remind me of a good time when I felt much better about my body than I do now, I don’t need to be reminded of what I used to have. I try not to think about how my life might be different if I never gained weight again. And looking at that clothing did make me wonder about the alternative life I could have had. And while my life would likely be different if I was still skinny, I have no way to know if it would be better than my current life. So I’m choosing not to think like that too much. And the easiest way to do that is to not have any of my skinny clothes in my house anymore.

It was a little tough to get rid of things I have held onto for over a decade, but I did feel a sense of relief when they were gone. I don’t have a reminder of the old me anymore and I don’t need to reflect on my past in terms of my body, weight, or size. I know that I have some clothes in my closet now that probably don’t fit and are the wrong size, but they are things that might just be a size or two off. So I’ll need to do a day where I try on what I own and consider getting rid of what I don’t want to hold onto even if it’s almost the right size.

One day, I might be that skinny size again and I’ll need to buy clothes if that happens. But for now, I want to focus on my size right now and make sure I have clothes that fit who I am now and not who I used to be or who I might be in the future.

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Default ThumbnailA Major Cleanup (or Saying Goodbye To The Old Me) Default ThumbnailHolding On (or When Is It Time To Donate Old Clothes?) Default ThumbnailAnother Rut In My Life (or Time For Some Shopping) Default ThumbnailRenting A Dress (or Testing Out Gwynnie Bee) Default ThumbnailIs It Too Early To Be Spring Cleaning? (or Out With The Unused) Default ThumbnailGetting Rid Of Extras (or Cleaning House)

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Shopping, Weight Loss

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Online Jeans Shopping (or Accepting I’ve Gained Weight)

Posted on March 31, 2021 | Comments Off on Online Jeans Shopping (or Accepting I’ve Gained Weight)

First, I want to say that I’m doing much better than I was earlier this week. I’m still dealing with some pain and nausea, but it’s at the level that I’m used to and was expecting to have. Whatever affected me on Monday had to be something else. I don’t know if it was food poisoning or a stomach bug, but whatever it was I think it’s out of my system. I’m glad to be back at a normal level of nausea because I know how to be productive while dealing with that and I have things I can use to make life easier.

Ok, now on to the point of this post.

I think a lot of people have gained weight over the past year. So many of us had a huge change when things shut down. Some people had to get used to the idea of working from home. Fortunately, I was already used to that. But I did have to get used to not having my regular workouts as well as dealing with new issues with food. I hate having a ton of food in my house at one time, and that’s what I had to do in order to limit how often I got groceries. At the beginning of the pandemic, things were a bit worse for me, but now I am doing grocery delivery a bit more often so I don’t always have a house full of food. And like so many people, I have used food as a coping mechanism over the past year.

I’m not proud that I used food that way, especially because it was a big step backward in getting toward recovery from my eating disorder. But that’s the reality of the situation. And between comfort eating, lower effort workouts, and a general lack of activity; I have put on weight over the past year. I know it could have been much worse, so I am happy that it wasn’t completely out of control. But it’s still frustrating and annoying.

I’m lucky that even with weight gain, the clothes that I’ve been wearing lately still fit me. But most of the clothes I’ve been wearing have been things like leggings and workout pants, so there is a lot of stretch in those and they work when my weight goes up and down. And while I’m fine living in leggings for the most part even when we aren’t in a pandemic, that’s not all I want to wear. I want to feel cute and fashionable. When I’ve had pandemic-safe dates (mainly going to a park and walking or something else outdoors), I don’t want to have to only wear leggings. And right now, other pants I own just aren’t fitting me.

I do have cute dresses and skirts that fit and I’m trying to be more ok with wearing those out and about, but the weight gain has also caused a hit in my confidence and I’m not feeling the same way I used to in dresses and skirts. So even though I didn’t want to spend money because I want to believe I will be fitting in my regular clothes again soon, I had to do some shopping for new jeans so I would have some options to wear.

Jeans are already difficult to shop for in normal times. And that’s when you can go to a store and try them on. Online shopping for jeans (unless they are a reorder of something I already own) is even harder. So I had to suck it up with spending a bit more so I could order different sizes and styles from different places. I only ordered places that had free shipping and easy returns, because I know I will be returning most of what I ordered. But I need to find some jeans that make me happy and feel confident in how I look right now.

And I’m aware that there is a chance I will be back in my other jeans in a few weeks or a month, but I can’t use that as an excuse to not have some options for now. In the past, I have kept so many of my skinny clothes in the hopes I’d be back in them soon. But they are just reminders of where I’m not at the moment. And by not having any jeans that fit me and seeing the ones that don’t fit hanging in my closet, it almost makes me feel like I don’t deserve to wear jeans until I lose weight. And I don’t want to have that mindset. I deserve to feel cute no matter my size and weight. I don’t only have to wear clothes with a lot of stretch to fit me.

Hopefully, at least one pair of what I ordered online will fit me and be the perfect jeans for how I look right now. I want to get back a little confidence and feel like my clothes fit me and look good. I am still going to wear comfortable leggings when I’m just staying home by myself, but I want to have some options for going out since that’s going to be happening more and more in the not too distant future.

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It’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself)

Posted on April 6, 2018 | Comments Off on It’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself)

I wrote previously about how I had signed up for the Transformation Challenge at Orangetheory but how I was debating about continuing it. I was at a pretty low point with my weight loss journey where I had been taking on lots of water weight and my body was puffing up. I was thinking about going to get some blood work done to see if it was my thyroid, but many of the symptoms I experienced (feeling cold, more hair loss than normal, the water weight gain) finally started to go away so I’ve postponed going to the doctor.

But because I was dealing with those medical issues, I pretty much gave up on the transformation challenge. I was feeling a bit depressed about how high the number on the scale was even though I knew that it wasn’t all “real” weight. But when you are a part of a transformation challenge that is based on weight loss, there’s no way to determine what weight I might have lost when the scale is actually higher than where I started.

I’m so competitive with myself and I thought it would be difficult to give up on this challenge. But the timing worked out well for me because the last part of the challenge was when I already started working out at the Culver City studio. And that studio wasn’t doing the challenge (new studios don’t do challenges right away) so I wasn’t facing it all the time and that helped keep it out of my mind. In fact, when the final weigh-ins happened for this challenge, I wasn’t at the Brentwood studio any of those days. I could have gone in just to weigh in, but I didn’t worry about it. And the staff there understood my reason and nobody there made me feel bad about it.

Of course, even though others didn’t make me feel bad about it, I still did. I know that I didn’t do anything wrong necessarily, but I still blame myself a little bit. And I would have loved to have won or placed in the challenge because I could always use that boost of confidence. But this time just wasn’t my time and I am working on understanding that. My stubbornness and competitiveness can be good things, but they can also cause me to be upset when there is no reason for me to feel that way.

So while I am feeling a bit down about not completing (or kicking butt in) a challenge, I am trying to think about what various therapists have said to me and focus on the positives. I knew that I wasn’t in the best place mentally or physically and made the smart decision to not continue the challenge. I think that if I did continue the stress may have made a lot of the symptoms I was experiencing worse. I also didn’t use the setback as an excuse to not work as hard. In fact, I think I was working harder to prove to myself that I wasn’t giving up in general but just giving up on this temporary challenge.

Being kind and gentle to myself isn’t something that comes naturally to me. It’s a skill that I’ve been working on for so long and it may be a struggle the rest of my life. Whenever something doesn’t go my way or the way I hoped, I automatically assume it is my fault or I was not worthy of something. It’s rarely the case that it is and I want to try to work on not having the negative reaction as my default. I’ve had enough good stuff happen to me that I should believe that I deserve good and I don’t deserve the bad, but as I’ve said before I think some of the things I heard as a child are just stuck in my mind and will always be demons I need to fight.

But for now, I’m not mad at myself for not completing the challenge. And for me, not being mad is a pretty big victory. And I am choosing to focus on that victory as the big win I had for this transformation challenge.

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Posted in Fitness, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Getting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work)

Posted on December 29, 2016 | 1 comment

I had been doing really great with food for the past few months. A lot of it started when I spent the day in the hospital and then was on a restricted diet for a bit while doctors figured out what was wrong with my liver. I lost quite a bit of weight during that time and I was binge free for a few weeks. I know that not having binges and restricted diet obviously helped with the weight loss, but I had also been keeping off the weight so I figured it was also the hard work I had been putting into things.

I’m still having trouble accepting compliments about the weight loss. It does still feel unearned to me in a way because the majority of what I lost was while I was sick so I didn’t feel like I did anything to earn it. I’m finally able to just say “thanks” when someone says I look like I’ve lost a lot of weight and not explain as much that it was because I was sick. But when people ask me what I did to lose the weight, then I end up telling them about being sick and the restricted diet I was on for a while.

There have been a lot of splurge meals lately. I need to be able to enjoy food and not stress about it, so I do allow splurges. The key is trying to get back on track with the next meal and not waiting for the next day, next week, next month to do so. I had been doing ok with that as well and I have been trying to plan my food around the splurge meals to try to eat lightly before and after the big meals. I think I’m a lot better at planning for before the meal than after, so I try to make those bigger meals dinners.

But this past week, I’ve been struggling a lot. It happened the day after my appointment with my therapist (ironic timing). I’ve had more binges in that week than I have had in a week in a while. The only good thing is that the binges are significantly fewer calories than they have been before. A lot of the binges are 1/3 or 1/4 of the calories of the old ones (yes, I track calories during binges when I can). I think that while this is a set back, it is progress at the same time and showing that my relationship with food is getting better. Obviously no binges would be better, but binges that are only 25% as strong as the old ones were is good.

From all the “bad” days I’ve had this past week, I’m up about 5 pounds. It’s not that much (and as a friend pointed out to me this gain could also be related to hormones), so the fact that I’m aware now is hopefully a sign that it will not continue to go up much and I can get it back down to where it was and then start making progress on my weight loss again. While my focus of getting my body ready for my liver surgery isn’t weight loss focuses, there is a number that I’d love to get to on the scale before I have surgery.

I know that being aware of these problems is a big step. In the past, I know that I have gone months before I realized that I had a problem. I’ve gained 40, 50, 60 pounds back after a weight loss before I took a second and realized that something wasn’t right. My binges were more of trances and I didn’t get out of the trance as quickly so I wouldn’t know I needed to stop. Awareness is a skill that I’m working on so I’m happy that there is a sign that it’s starting to work in my life. I just need to make that skill stronger and I don’t know how to do that outside of actual practice (which I don’t love because that means I can only work it when I have a binge episode).

I don’t want to blame the holidays for the increase in binges, but I know that having a busy social life can be a part of it. Things will be calming down for me in the next week or so, and hopefully that does help a bit. But on the other side, I know that being bored and having no plans can lead to binges as well so I need to find the perfect balance of busy and bored. It’s a balance that will be tough to find, but clearly I’m working my way toward that since these bad episodes are significantly better than they have been for me in the past.

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Posted in Food, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

Posted on January 21, 2016 | Comments Off on Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

I while ago, I heard of the book “Fit2Fat2Fit“. It was the story of a personal trainer named Drew who gained 75 pounds so he could understand what it was like for his overweight clients to lose weight. Immediately I was interested and got the book to read. I read it so fast and loved the message that the trainer shared.

Fit2Fat2Fit

So many trainers and coaches out there have never had to deal with a weight problem. They don’t understand the mental and physical toll excess weight puts on a person. They see someone overweight and think that the person is uneducated and just needs to be taught how to work out and eat better. They think it’s just as simple as that.

But that’s not the case at all.

Compared to most of my friends who have never had a weight issue, I’m possibly more educated about nutrition. I can guesstimate calories with the best of them. I know what is good, what is bad, and what is ok as a treat. Every bite I take I know if I should be ok eating it or if it’s something that I need to think of as an ok indulgence. I know the food pyramid, how many servings of each thing I should have each day/week, and how many calories my body takes to be alive. I might not be the most educated on what workout routines I should do, but I’ve got nutrition and food down. I may have an eating disorder, but I don’t have a lack of education.

Lack of education may be the issue for some people, but it isn’t for the majority. We know what we should and shouldn’t do, but there is something else in our bodies saying otherwise. And unless you have been there, you don’t get it. I try to explain it the best I can on here, but I know that the voice in my head is so much louder and more persuasive than I could ever explain.

That is why I loved the book so much. Drew didn’t understand at first that when you are heavy, you might not have the same motivation or energy to work out. Or if you are used to eating fatty foods that your body craves them and that eating healthy doesn’t give you the same joy that food has given you in the past (and you have depended on that joy from food). Once he gained the weight and tried to immediately get back to his old routine, he realized that it was not as easy as that. People don’t need to be educated, they need to be understood and guided to a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve been lucky at Orangetheory that none of my coaches have judged me or have tried to talk down to me because of my weight (that has happened with coaches/personal trainers in the past). They understand that I have an eating disorder and am working my way toward recovery. They get that I need support but not lectures. But I know that not everyone has that experience. As much as I think that all trainers should do this experiment to understand what their clients go through, I understand that it isn’t realistic. But I think reading the book can help them get it.

I’ve loved the book for a while, but I discovered last week that now there is a TV show on A&E with the same name about the same concept. A trainer takes 4 months to gain as much weight as they can and then work with an overweight client to take the weight off together. I’ve seen the first episode so far, and I really enjoyed it (and didn’t hate-watch it like I do with other weight loss shows). The trainer didn’t quite understand that things would be hard when he gained weight at first. But once it was time for him to get back into his regular routine and try to lose the weight, he got it. He understood the food withdrawal and the exhaustion of exercise. He became more empathic about what clients might be going through and saw the journey from the client side instead of the coach side.

I’m sure that all the episodes will follow a similar format, but I think that it is an amazing show to watch. I know that people will still judge me and other’s based on appearance, but hopefully they can understand the issues we face just a little bit more.

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Posted in Fitness, Food, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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People Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video)

Posted on September 8, 2015 | 3 comments

Some of you may have seen a video online called “Dear Fat People”. I’m not going to link to it because I don’t want to necessarily promote it (if you want to watch it, it’s pretty easy to find). I actually had not seen the video until yesterday and I had some pretty strong feelings about it.

First of all, I guess the fat people video is supposed to be funny. The woman in it is a comedian who thought that it would be seen as a joke (or at least that’s what I’ve read in interviews). In the video, she claims that fat shaming isn’t a thing. People who are fat should be shamed so they can change themselves. She thinks that fat people are fat because they don’t know that it’s wrong and don’t know how to fix it. She tells a story about a family who are all overweight (she says that they smell like sausages and sweat out Crisco) and are on a plane with her. According to her, she has to hold back the son’s fat while he is sitting next to her so it doesn’t cover her. She goes on and on about more stories about how fat people don’t realize that they need to change because they are all dying off from fat diseases. She does say that this video isn’t about anyone who may have a medical condition who makes them fat.

I have so many issues with this video that I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, her disclaimer that this video isn’t about anyone with a medical condition is stupid. How does she know that the people she discusses in her video don’t have a medical condition? While I don’t have a medical condition that causes my weight issues (beyond my eating disorder) I do have an invisible disability with my hip issues. I get a pass when I go to Disneyland that lets me sit off to the side when I wait for rides. I still wait just as long as anyone in line, but I don’t have to stand in line while waiting. When it’s my turn, I get to go onto the ride. Many guests think this is a front of the line/instant access pass. It did used to be that way, but too many people were faking injuries to get it. Back then, the disability line for many rides were longer than the regular line (I once waited 3 hours for Space Mountain when the regular line was 1 because I need to use the accessible coaster car so I can get into the ride safely). Now that it’s not considered as desirable to people who fake their injuries, the wait times are similar or maybe a little longer than the regular line. With this pass, I’ve had some people shame me for using it. I’ve had people tell me that if I wasn’t so fat that I wouldn’t have to cheat the system. I’ve been called names. I’ve been pointed out and laughed at. In the beginning, I used to carry around the pictures from my surgery to call out people, but now I just don’t care. But it does make me mad when someone assumes that someone doesn’t have a disability because they can’t see it.

I also find the story of the airplane completely unbelievable. If someone doesn’t fit into one seat and will be encroaching onto another seat, the airlines are pretty quick to force that person to buy a second seat so they have enough room. The guideline is that the armrest needs to go completely down without any spillage for the airline to agree that you take up one seat (yes, I’ve been called out on this and it was stupid because there was more than enough room for the armrests to go down). If this woman really had to hold back the fat of someone to enjoy their flight, I’m sure that the other passenger would have been asked to buy a second seat. I’m sure that either this story is made up or exaggerated for theatrical purposes.

Finally, the person in the video believes that people who are fat don’t know what to do to fix it. While this might be true for some overweight people, the majority of the people I know with weight issues know more about health, nutrition, diet, and exercise than almost anyone else. This is because most of us have tried every diet under the sun to lose the weight and get healthy. I can tell you the calorie counts of so many different foods. If you tell me your weight, I can guess how many calories you will burn if you walk or run a mile with pretty decent accuracy. I know what drinks have added sugars, fake sugars, or have a base other than water. I probably could teach a class on nutrition by this point. And I think that most of you who are regular readers would agree that I am working pretty darn hard on my fitness and know what I need to do. If I didn’t have my eating disorder, I’d probably be a size 2 now.

To anyone who watched that video and was embarrassed about your weight issues, there’s no need to be. Everyone has their struggles in life. Those of us with weight issues just have our issues on the outside where everyone can see them. If you are happy at the size that you are and your doctors say that you are healthy, then stay exactly how you are. If you want to lose weight, do it. There are plenty of great and healthy ways to lose weight and become the best that you can be.

And if you watched that video and felt like that people who are overweight should be shamed, you should know that shaming someone isn’t probably going to motivate them. For people with eating disorders, it will probably make the problem worse. If there is someone you love who is an unhealthy weight and you are worried about them, try to let them bring the issue to you. It’s embarrassing to discuss these things at times and if someone else brings it up they might not want to talk about it and then keep it buried inside even longer.

I’m aware that this is a rant about a silly video online. But if I had seen that video online maybe 5 years ago, I would have had a very different reaction to it. I see it as silly now, but then I would have been devastated and would have wanted to avoid the public in fear of random people trying to shame or taunt me because of my weight.

But now I know that no matter how skinny or fat I might be, I’m still the same fabulous person. People love me for who I am and not what I look like. And anyone who thinks differently isn’t someone who I need in my life.

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Posted in Beauty, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

Posted on April 2, 2015 | Comments Off on The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

I’ve been having a lot of bad foods days lately.

I honestly don’t know why.

I’m stocking my fridge and pantry with a lot of the same things that I was eating during the cleanse and weight loss challenge. But I’ll go out and get “bad” foods if they aren’t in my house. And I always immediately regret the fact that I ate the “bad” foods as soon as it’s done.

This isn’t a boredom thing. It’s just the nature of my eating disorder. I almost go into a trance state when it happens. I sometimes don’t realize that I ate something until I see the empty wrapper or container in front of me. It scares me that I can lose track of time and myself and not realize it.

I have no idea why I did so well while on the cleanse and I’m having a tough time now. It really makes no sense to me. But this is a pattern that I’ve had in the past. When I’m on a food plan that has a specific end goal (like my first hip surgery or the weight loss challenge), I can do ok. But when the goal is a general one, whatever keeps me on the right path goes away.

The one big difference between now and other times when I’ve lost a decent amount of weight is that I’m still continuing with my workouts (and pushing myself more and more). Having my workout consistency is helping me with not gaining all the weight back right away. In the past, the weight came back as fast (if not faster) than I lost it.

I have gained back some. It’s less than half of what I lost, so that’s not too horrible. And my weight has held steady for the past week and a half at the amount I’ve gained back. I’m working really hard at trying to get back down to where I was (and get lower). My clothes aren’t too tight, so I know that the weight I’ve gained could be water weight. Normally when it’s “real” weight, my clothes feel tight immediately.

I’m still trying to focus on the fact that I’m still weighing less now than I was at the beginning of the year. And I’m making steps to be at a weight that I need to get to in order to consider getting my hip surgery.

I’m not sure if I’ll have another bad food moment/day in the near future. I’m really going to try to stay focused on my time and not to let time slip away. I’m continuing to plan out all my meals and hopefully with having it written out early in the day will give me something to focus (while I don’t like the idea of counting down the minutes to my next meal, it might help keep me on track).

This is all just the nature of the beast of this eating disorder. I’m aware that this post might sound odd and rambling, but that’s how it is in my head. I’m trying to focus and put all these things in order but it doesn’t seem to have an order to go to.

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Default ThumbnailHonesty Time (or Going Backwards) Default ThumbnailTrying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track) Default ThumbnailRoutine Time Again (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailFinding My Way Back On Track (or A New Balance) Default ThumbnailAnother Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work)

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Honesty Time (or Going Backwards)

Posted on June 3, 2014 | 1 comment

I haven’t talked about weight loss on here for a while. And it’s because things are going so great for me right now.

In fact, I’ve gained a decent amount of weight. I haven’t gained everything that I lost, but I gained back a good chunk of it.

And I haven’t wanted to share that on here because I don’t want to disappoint you all. But then I realized that everyone who is going through weight struggles has this moment. I’ve had it before and I’m sure I’ll have it again.

What makes this different is I stopped it (or at least realized it) before all the progress I had made disappeared. And I’m trying to take steps to go back in the right direction.

Why the weight gain? Well, lately both my food choices haven’t been great and I’ve been skipping workouts. So of course I should expect weight gain.

The thing is, I didn’t realize how long it had been since I last worked out. When I finally looked at my history at SoulCycle, I realized that I haven’t been there in a month. And my last workout was the blogger event at FlyWheel. But that was several weeks ago.

Since realizing this over the weekend, I have had a big workout (but that will come in another post). But missing workouts was only part of the picture. Food is always going to be a battle for me and I don’t want it to beat me. So I downloaded several books onto my kindle about eating disorders (mostly on binge eating but some on eating disorders in general).

I starting with a book that I saw recommended on another blog that I read. I’m about a third of the way done with it and it is eye-opening to see that other people have the exact same struggles that I do. Somehow it feels like eating disorders are a very lonely thing and nobody understands how you feel. But when you are really open and honest about it you find that there are other people who get exactly what you go through.

I’m hoping to get myself back on the right track quickly. I have another 5K coming up in less than 2 weeks and I don’t want to be unprepared for it.

But if nothing else, at least I recognized that I was slipping before I got back to the start line.

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Default ThumbnailFit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It) Default ThumbnailLosing Some Weight (or Confused If This Is Good) Default ThumbnailRecovering From Thanksgiving (or As Always It’s Back To The Grind) Default ThumbnailThe Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?) Default ThumbnailBiggest Loser Finale (or I Wish I Didn’t Have To Write About This) Default ThumbnailBinge Eating In The Media (or More Help Might Be On The Way)

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Hating The Heat (or Again, My Body Is Lying)

Posted on May 2, 2014 | 1 comment

I’ve mentioned before how I don’t like when it’s really hot out because my body feels like it’s gained a ton of weight. Well, with the current heat wave in Los Angeles, I’m having the same problem again.

First of all, let me say that I know that the heat here is temporary and I’m grateful for that. And that most of the country has much worse heat waves that last for a lot longer than this will (it should be normal again here by next week).

But it doesn’t help the feeling of annoyance that I feel whenever I try to get dressed in the morning. Lots of clothes in my closet don’t fit right right now. I spent the past few days in yoga capris and tank tops since those have a lot of stretch in them.

And I’m sure my annoyance isn’t helped by the fact that the past few nights I haven’t slept well since it’s very hot in my bedroom at night. I have a fan on full blast next to my bed, but it only blows hot air around.

This heat wave is one of the first times I’ve missed having to go into a job every day. At least when I had to go somewhere else for work there was air conditioning. Working at my house is pretty warm. But staying in yoga clothes helps a little (since those clothes are pretty breathable).

But the most important thing for me to remember in this heat wave is not to give up on trying to lose weight while it feels like everything is suddenly 2 sizes too small. I’m avoiding my scale until the temperature goes back into the 80’s (or lower) and I’m going to live in my yoga clothes unless I have to go out dressed differently for some reason (like when I went to work last night at my box office job).

Sorry to have a rant on here after having 2 really fun posts the last few days. Since getting back from Disneyland all I’ve done is work from home and try to survive the heat the best that I could. If I had something more interesting to share, I would. But this has taken over my life the rest of this week.

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Default ThumbnailDealing With Heat And Humidity (or I’m Very Lucky The Pandemic Didn’t Happen A Few Years Ago) Default ThumbnailHeat Wave In LA (or Another Post About The Heat) Default ThumbnailHeat and Hormones (or Not Letting Cravings Take Over) Default ThumbnailI Hate Complaining About The Heat (or Can It Be Fall Now?) Default ThumbnailAnother Post About The Heat (or I’m Not Getting As Upset This Time) Default ThumbnailI Wasn’t Expecting To Write About The Heat Again (or Lazy Days)

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Recovering From Thanksgiving (or As Always It’s Back To The Grind)

Posted on December 4, 2013 | Comments Off on Recovering From Thanksgiving (or As Always It’s Back To The Grind)

I was back to work as usual on Monday after Thanksgiving. It was very nice to have 5 days off from work (it was almost like being unemployed again!), but it’s nice to be back and making money too.

Since there are still holidays coming up, the next few weeks at work will be a bit weird. We have time off for the holidays, odd shifts because of the shows going on, and a work holiday party. So even though I’m back at work, I think I only have one week this month that is a normal work week.

I’m also getting back to my usual food and exercise plan. I gained more weight than I expected over Thanksgiving. I knew I would gain some because of the extra food, but I was still a bit shocked when I got on the scale on Monday. I think some of it was random water and stress weight because when I weighed myself yesterday I was already down 3 pounds.

My focus for the last few weeks of this year are to continue my routines that I’ve worked out. I’m finding spin classes that fit into my schedule a bit better (including a free class at SoulCycle on Fridays right after my shift ends so I can go straight from work). I’m trying to stay good at bringing my lunches to work (good for helping me lose weight and save money). And I’m working on just being happier with myself in general.

I know that I didn’t lose as much weight this year as I thought I would, but I’m on track to be down about 40 pounds this year. To some people that may seem like a lot, and to some people that may seem like nothing. It’s only a portion of what I need to lose, but even if I only lose that each year, I’m still heading in the right direction. And I need to keep that in mind. As much as I’d like to have lost all my weight this year like I did the two times I did the RFO diet, it’s not realistic for me anymore.

But as I spent some time before writing this looking back at my older posts, I’ve realized how far I have come this year. And as I start thinking about my goals for next year, I’m getting excited about what my life might be like a year from today.

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Default ThumbnailStarting The Year With A Lot Of Transformation (or Who Will I Be By Next Year?) Default ThumbnailWeight Loss Update (or Why I’m Trying Not To Get Frustrated) Default ThumbnailGetting Weighed In (or A New Orangetheory Challenge) Default ThumbnailPre-Burning Thanksgiving Calories (or Working Out In LA and San Diego) Default ThumbnailWorking Out While Sore (or Still Recovering From My Weekend) Default ThumbnailThanksgiving Prep (or So Little Time)

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