Tag Archives: isolation

Being Social Feels A Bit Cold (or Another Realization About The Pandemic)

Posted on November 6, 2020 | Comments Off on Being Social Feels A Bit Cold (or Another Realization About The Pandemic)

I’ve been making more of an effort to try to be social over the past month. I know that I’m very isolated at home and I can’t keep doing that. But it can be hard to find the balance between being social and being safe. I don’t want to go out where there will be a lot of people and I really don’t want to be out somewhere that a lot of people aren’t wearing masks. And I keep being fearful that I will take a slightly higher risk than I have and that’s what will get me sick. So I have to make sure that whatever I choose to do, I pick things that are safe.

I think that’s one reason why I’m happy to go see my family. I’m sure I would have seen them just as often without a pandemic. But when I’m with my family it’s the one time I can be social and not scared. Before we see each other, we take precautions to make sure that we aren’t going to get each other sick. When I’m around my family, I do still have a little hesitation because of the new fears in my head, but I know I don’t have to worry as much. If anyone in my family thought for a moment that they had been exposed, we wouldn’t be seeing each other.

My social time outside of my family has been very limited. Most of the time, it’s virtual socialization. I’ve rarely seen a friend in person and when I have it’s been at a distance and wearing masks. And thinking about that has been making me sad and I couldn’t figure out exactly why. But earlier this week, I finally was able to put a word to the feeling.

All the social interactions I’ve had (outside of my family) have been very cold. You can’t hug your friends. You can’t be completely comfortable because you have to be cautious. With very few exceptions, you have to be wearing a mask. And wearing a mask almost takes away some of the human element of being social. It’s hard when you can’t see the bottom half of someone’s face. It is like a barrier between you and your friends (and yes, I know it literally is) that keeps you from connecting the same way you are used to. There is a degree of separation that we aren’t used to having when we are out with people.

I think having virtual hangouts has the same issues. There is something that isn’t quite right and feels normal. You aren’t getting the same connection that you get when you hang out together in person. I know that everyone is trying to make it feel like it’s not weird, but there’s something that will never feel the same when you are looking at someone on a screen and you aren’t in the same space.

I don’t know how to fix this feeling. I know that some of my friends have been working on creating bubbles where they know that they are only seeing each other. Many of my friends don’t have the luxury of not having to go out to work, so it’s not easy for me to find someone that I could be in a bubble with. I know that we could try to find things we could do outside and if we sit far enough away we wouldn’t necessarily have to wear masks, but that still feels a bit too risky for so many of us. Again, it’s all about finding what risks we are willing to take. And I know that my group of friends is probably more cautious than most, but it’s for good reason. I’ve known too many people who got sick. One of my friends had only been leaving their house to go to the grocery store (where everyone is wearing a mask) and they still got sick. Fortunately, most of my friends have made full or almost full recoveries. But some are still dealing with issues months after they were told that they were over it.

We’ve been in this pandemic for about 8 months now. I am still learning so much about how to survive in such isolation and what I feel like I need to feel better. New things are discovered all the time. A month or two ago, I probably would have said that I didn’t care if I was seeing people in masks because it was being social. Now I know that doing that helps but it still leaves me feeling sad and like I’m not fully experiencing my time with my friends. But I don’t know if I can do anything to change that for now. I just have to continue to find ways to manage right now and hope that soon enough we will be through this pandemic and I won’t have these concerns anymore.

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Another Reminder That It’s Ok To Be Struggling (or We Might Be Isolated But Not Alone)

Posted on October 22, 2020 | Comments Off on Another Reminder That It’s Ok To Be Struggling (or We Might Be Isolated But Not Alone)

I’ve written a few posts about struggling during isolation. I think it’s such a common thing to be dealing with right now. Everyone is having difficulties in one sense or another. My friends with kids are trying to figure out how to make school make sense while they are home. I have a lot of friends who lost their jobs and are struggling to find new ones if they don’t think their jobs will be coming back. Anyone who lost a job that will be coming back is also struggling because of how low unemployment payments are (and there is still not a new plan signed that will supplement it). Some people have roommates or partners that they might not be getting along with.

And then there are people who live alone, as I do, who are dealing with extreme isolation. It’s still hard for me to be as isolated as I have been. Missing physical touch like hugs hasn’t been easier either. I think the longer I am without regular contact with others, the harder it’s been to deal with. And I think a big part of this struggle has been related to feeling like I’m losing a year of my life. This year is the year that very little progress will be made in my life. Some of my friends who are single and are my age have been talking about how we already feel like there is a clock with fertility and how tough it is to take away one of the last years they feel like they can have kids. I don’t feel that stress about kids as much as my friends do, but I understand the feeling completely.

And giving up a year of your life is harder when it doesn’t seem like everyone else is doing that. It feels at times that everyone else is out and living their lives while I stay home and do nothing. I know this isn’t true, but it’s tough to remember how many others are isolating like I am. I’ve described this feeling before as being on my own little planet and I think that still describes it. I’m out in the world staying in my house and things are continuing on without me being there. Again, I know this isn’t necessarily true, but it feels like it so much.

Part of being isolated is not realizing how many others are doing the same thing. On social media, people who are isolating are probably not posting about it as much as people who are going out and doing things. So you don’t hear their stories as much. But it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. The more I talk to my friends, the more I know what they are doing. And the more I post about struggling, the more people who come forward saying they feel the exact same way.

Being alone and isolated doesn’t allow you to see who else is doing the same. We may be alone in our homes, but we are not alone in our actions. And I’m trying to remember that more and more. And I’m trying to remind myself that I’m not isolated for no reason. I’m doing this to keep myself healthy. I’m doing this to keep others healthy. And I’m doing this to help make this end sooner. The sooner more people isolate and stay home, the slower the spread of this will be. And maybe it can be almost eliminated from the area. I don’t have high hopes about it being gone from the country until we have a national plan, but if it can at least be safer to be outside my house, that will be a big step forward.

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Please Wear A Mask And Stay Home If You Can (or This Shouldn’t Be Political)

Posted on October 7, 2020 | Comments Off on Please Wear A Mask And Stay Home If You Can (or This Shouldn’t Be Political)

When the pandemic started, I think most of us thought that maybe it would take a month or two but that it would be under control quickly. Yes, it was a lot of unknown stuff, but we were being told things to help us try to not get sick. I know that there was confusion at the beginning about if you should wear a mask or not and if this was airborne or on surfaces, but a lot of information hasn’t changed. Yet, here we are, almost 7 months later. And at least in some parts of the country, things have been shut down for that entire time.

I don’t know why this pandemic became a political point. Maybe the president thought it would blow over enough and he wouldn’t have to take a lot of action. Maybe that’s why he was telling people to not worry. I don’t know what he was thinking and I don’t need to know. All I know is that it has become so political and polarized if you believe things are bad or not. And I honestly don’t get it.

There’s no denying in my opinion that there is a pandemic that has killed more people than the standard flu or cold. Over 200,000 people have died. I have not known anyone personally who has died, but I have so many friends who have lost someone. They have lost parents, spouses, kids, family, and co-workers. I have known so many people who have gotten sick and recovered. Some of those people were getting very sick and I worried they wouldn’t make it. Many of them are still dealing with health issues. And we have no clue what the long-term effects will be if you had this at one point or not, even if you had no major symptoms.

What we are being asked to do is to wear a mask when you go out, stay at least 6 feet away from others, and stay home if you don’t have to go out. That’s not a lot. And yes, it is hard to stay home and the boredom and isolation are real. I’m experiencing that so much.

But boredom and isolation are so much better than being sick. My friends who have been sick have shared stories about how they felt. Some of them thought they were dying. Some of them felt like they couldn’t breathe and wondered if they were about to end up on a ventilator. The pain in their bodies that some of them described is worse than anything I have ever experienced, even on my worst pain days. I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone as it sounds truly horrendous and scary.

And I know the president just said how this was not that bad and we shouldn’t let our lives be taken over by the pandemic. But we don’t know if he’s completely healthy yet. I don’t believe if they have said he has tested negative yet. But keep in mind that the treatment he got was very different from what anyone else can get. He has a full medical staff in his home that monitored him before he went to the hospital. He was taken to the hospital in a helicopter. He was in the hospital for observation and not because he was seriously ill. He was given medications that no other person has gotten for this disease. When he went home, he still has a full medical staff taking care of him. And for all this treatment, he will have no medical bills. That’s not anything that anyone else could have.

I’ve seen so many stories of people who were very ill and turned away from the hospital because they didn’t need to be on a ventilator. There was just no room in the hospital for them or the medical team wanted to only have the sickest people there. They had to go home and either be alone or be with people in their homes who didn’t have medical training and were also terrified of getting sick since they didn’t have the PPE needed to be safe. And even if they were in the hospital, the medications and treatments the president got are not available at all hospitals. Some have said they would have no way to give a patient those medications because they were not available to them. So even if everything the president is saying is true and that this was something very easy for him to recover from, unless you have the same privileges that he has you might have a harder time getting over this.

I wish the president would have said something about how he feels very lucky that he had an easy recovery but he understands that is not the case for everyone. I wish he acknowledged how many people have died because they were sicker than he was or didn’t have the same medical advantages as he did. He seemed to feel like this is nothing and nobody should worry. But from my friends who have had this or have lost someone because of this disease, I know that we should be careful and worried that we might get sick.

Wearing a mask is not a sign you vote for one political party or another. It is a sign that you understand that there is a pandemic and that a mask can protect you and others. You might be asymptomatic and not know you are getting others sick. Or someone else might not know they have it and the mask will protect you. Understanding why some businesses can’t open just yet isn’t saying anything more than that you know that they cannot open and keep their customers and staff healthy and protected. I’m just as frustrated as anyone that things are closed. But I also know that we have ways of slowing down this disease so they can reopen. And all it takes is to wear a mask and stay home when you can.

It’s frustrating to see that the people who are protesting for things to open are the ones who won’t do what it takes to make it happen. But I will still do what I need to do in order to stay healthy and try to slow the spread. And hopefully, others will stop acting like a mask is a political button and will do the same so we can get this under control.

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More Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much)

Posted on October 6, 2020 | Comments Off on More Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much)

I don’t think there is anyone who is single and trying to date right now that doesn’t think things are weird. Dating during a pandemic is just so odd. There are so many things you have to worry about. You have to build a lot of trust before meeting someone, which wasn’t how it was before. So many people are getting very serious very quickly because that’s almost what you have to do. People who were in a relationship before the pandemic started are also having weird things happening. You might stick it out more than you normally would because you know you can’t really date. Some people are discovering quickly that they are not meant to be.

We are over 6 months into this and it’s still tough to figure out what is safe and what is stupid. For the most part, I’m not really dating right now because I can’t. I’ve tried, and I’ve found things that stopped it from progressing. I am still active on various apps and I have done quite a few virtual dates (like using the video chat feature on an app or watching a movie together over Netflix Party). I have met someone in person, but that was after we both were making sure that neither of us was sick and we had taken a lot of time to build trust before we met.  Unfortunately, even though we had chemistry when we were texting and talking on the phone, it didn’t translate to in-person chemistry so that didn’t go anywhere (although we are still talking and have said we want to be friends).

I really miss dating. I don’t love dating, but I still miss it. Dating did bring some excitement to my life. And even my bad dates brought some entertainment to me. And I like knowing that maybe the next guy I go out with will be the right guy for me. I also think part of missing dating is missing all physical touch. Cuddling with someone, getting a hug, holding hands, or just sitting with someone on the couch are things I can’t really do right now. And while a lot of those things were things I got from my friends, I also got them from dating. And I also miss having opportunities to go out and be social. Again, I got that a lot from friends but I also got it from dating.

It does feel odd to me that I miss dating this much. Until a few years ago, I didn’t date a lot. I would meet someone somehow and would go on dates every so often. But I wasn’t using dating apps and I didn’t have that many opportunities to meet people to date. I don’t know what the longest stretch was that I had without a date, but I’m guessing it’s probably similar to how long we’ve been dealing with the pandemic. Back then, I didn’t miss dating. Possibly because I had a lot of other things filling up my time. But I think it was mainly because I never was a big dater. No time in my life compares to the past few years with dating. So I didn’t miss things because I never knew any different. But now I do and it’s hard to not miss it.

I will say, I am trying to stay grateful about being single right now. If I was dating any guy that I was dating before right now and was stuck with them all the time, I think I would have been miserable. I might not have the courage to end things because I wouldn’t want to be lonely and there’s not an easy way to date now to meet someone new. I try to convince myself a lot that being lonely is better than being miserable. It’s hard sometimes to believe that, but I know that it has to be at least a little bit true.

Who knows when things will be safer for everyone. I hope it will be soon, but the longer we are in this pandemic the longer I think we might have to wait it out. I’m still trying to find ways to date and be safe, but it’s really limited. I know that if I’m not able to date for several more months, it’s not the worst thing. It’s not great, but I can live without dating if that means I don’t take unnecessary risks and won’t get sick. Maybe having a break from dating will help me be better at dating when I’m able to do it. I guess I’ll find out whenever we are able to be out and social again.

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Hitting A Workout Milestone In Isolation (or Still Working Toward A Goal)

Posted on September 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Hitting A Workout Milestone In Isolation (or Still Working Toward A Goal)

My recap of the last week of workouts is going to be split up into 2 posts. I’m going to write about my first 3 workouts today and my Saturday workout tomorrow. And that’s because this past Saturday was the Dri-Tri. And even though the studios I go to are still closed, Orangetheory created Dri-Tri at Home so I did that! But I want that to be a different post from the rest of my workouts.

I didn’t have a Zoom workout last week due to schedule issues. I missed doing that class, but I didn’t let that get me down too much. I had so many weeks without a Zoom workout, so I knew I could be ok with doing just the video ones. I know I don’t work quite as hard when I don’t have a live coach, but I’ve been trying to push myself more. It’s not easy to motivate myself that way, but I know I need to try my best.

I keep hoping that things will continue to get better here so that the studios can reopen, but I also know that it could still take a while. It’s so crazy to me that I’ve been doing workouts at home for 6 months already. This past week, I did my 150th workout of the year.

And a majority of those workouts have been at home alone. I never thought I would be doing workouts toward my goal for the year outside of the studio. I didn’t want to do them on my own. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be doing this. I have some friends who go to different workout studios who have said that they don’t know if they will be going back. They have found a great way to work out at home and they are loving it. I’m not someone like that. I crave the community and encouragement. I am proud of myself for not giving up and still being on track for my workout goals for the year, but this is not the way I want to do them.

I will say, the one thing that is making me a bit happier with my home workouts is having my new set of weights. Using those has been a big change for me and I like having the ability to really push myself and get my strength back. I’m still so far from where I used to be in terms of how heavy I can go with the weights, but I have noticed some improvement already. It’s all about the small steps toward getting back to where I was.

I had some really great ideas for this year with goals I wanted to hit with my workouts. And now it’s almost impossible to do most of them. The only one I feel like I can accomplish is doing at least 200 workouts this year. I am on track for that and feel confident that I will get there. But I wanted to do more than that. Showing up for a workout is good, but seeing results and improvement is so much better. I am trying to see improvements with my strength. But I won’t be able to get to where I wanted to with my cardio. I have some cardio stuff I do at home, but I have no way to test my rowing like I can do in the studio. I wonder where my rowing ability will be when we do get back. It’s going to be so weird and I’m sure I will be very sore for a while.

I am proud of myself for seeing some improvements with my strength and for hitting a workout milestone this past week. And I’m proud of doing the Dri-Tri at Home (at least, what was created to do at home). And I’ll write about that Dri-Tri tomorrow.

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More Weird Things About Isolation (or Just Trying To Be Aware)

Posted on September 24, 2020 | Comments Off on More Weird Things About Isolation (or Just Trying To Be Aware)

I’m learning a lot about myself the longer we are all isolating from each other. I never knew how much I needed physical touch until I didn’t have it. I never considered myself a very touchy-feely person, but the more I think about it the more that I am. I’m used to hugging friends, getting high fives in workouts, going on dates, and just being around other people. I think a lot of people who used to say they would love to be alone more often are realizing that alone time isn’t what they want if they don’t have the balance of being out with people.

I’m also learning a lot about my mental health and mental well-being. I’ve realized how being isolated makes a lot of things worse for me. It’s almost like the time before I was open about my eating disorder. When things are secretive, they can be worse or you can obsess about them more. I think when things are not secretive but you aren’t around other people and have to be aware, it’s almost the same thing. I’m not keeping things secretive about my life and my struggles, but it feels like that because I’m alone with everything and nobody is there to help keep me accountable. I don’t need someone to babysit me and monitor me, but knowing that I’m going out to eat with a friend helps me keep my food under control for the day because I want to enjoy that meal out. I don’t love scales, but I do try to weigh myself. But more often than the number on the scale, I use clothes to help keep me accountable. When you are wearing all stretchy clothes and workout stuff, you don’t notice when your clothes feel different.

But the newer thing I’m learning about myself is how some things I thought I had under control can flare up again when I’m not living my normal life. I was diagnosed with mild OCD a long time ago. It’s never been that bad, but there were moments where it was almost impossible for me to move on until I did something “right”. Sometimes that right thing was checking my alarm clock until it felt like it was the perfect way to confirm it was going to go off in the morning. Sometimes it was having to move something in my house because I couldn’t focus on anything else until I did that. It never affected my life too much, but it was an inconvenience. I never did anything specific to treat my OCD, but it has faded away in the past few years and I can’t remember the last time it was triggered.

Or at least, I can’t remember the last thing before the pandemic. I don’t exactly know when my OCD started to come back because I wasn’t used to experiencing it for a long time. But recently, I’ve been noticing things that are clearly OCD moments. But they are things I have done for a little while, so I don’t know if I started doing them a month ago or 5 months ago. They aren’t anything too bad. Mainly making sure things are in a specific order in my house or that I do things in a certain routine. Nothing that is a big distraction from my life, but it is something I want to be aware of because I know it can get worse and I don’t want to get there.

I also know that my anxiety is worse now than it’s been in a long time, but that’s something that seems normal. If I wasn’t anxious, I would be avoiding reality. Even my therapist agrees that having a higher base level of anxiety isn’t something to worry about these days. I’m not treating it with medication because I want to work through it, but I know if it gets worse that I can start medications again. But I feel certain that the anxiety is more about the current situation in the world and not something more than that.

I’m hoping my OCD is also just because of the state of the world. But I am tracking things and taking notes in case I see it getting much worse or if it continues after things seem like they are more normal again. I’m not necessarily worried about myself, but I just want to be aware and alert so that I don’t ignore symptoms and signs if I see them.

Hopefully, things will continue to get better with the pandemic (finally it seems like the numbers here are going down) and soon I will be able to have some more things in my life that feel normal. And once I have those back, maybe my mental health will also go back to how it was before and these will just be minor blips in my life.

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Another Full Quarantine (or I Don’t Know Why This Feels Different)

Posted on September 16, 2020 | Comments Off on Another Full Quarantine (or I Don’t Know Why This Feels Different)

I mentioned yesterday that I’m doing another full quarantine right now. I’ve done these twice before and it’s always because I’m getting ready to see my family. Doing it a third time was something I didn’t even have to think about. I knew that if I wanted to see my family, I had to do a full quarantine. This was something my brother told me to do the first time I was going to see everyone, but I also assumed I would have to do it. Although the first time, I misunderstood and did a month of full quarantine. But now, I know it’s 2 weeks.

Doing a full quarantine means I don’t leave my house, even to do essential errands. I don’t go out for anything other than to take my trash to the curb and to walk across my driveway to do laundry. It’s not that different from what I normally do. I don’t do most of my errands in person. There are a few places that I can’t get delivery from or that it’s much cheaper to get if I go to the store. But for the most part, I have everything delivered to me. But even though I don’t leave my house for almost anything, doing a full quarantine feels so different.

Maybe it’s just the idea that I can’t go out to do errands. I don’t necessarily want to go out and about, but knowing I can’t do it feels different. There are things I’d love to go out and get from the store, but I just can’t. If there was something that I needed urgently and I couldn’t get it delivered, I know I could message a friend to see if they could go to the store for me. I’ve done that before with stuff from Trader Joes. But I hate having to ask friends to do errands for me (even though they are doing it when they are at the store too). It’s silly because I would do it in a heartbeat for anyone. I just don’t like having to ask for myself.

Since I knew this 2-week full quarantine was coming up, I tried to make sure I did my errands that had to be done in person at a store ahead of time. I actually didn’t have much I needed to do, so it was easy to get them done. Of course, as soon as I couldn’t go out I realized there was something I wanted to get that I forgot to do. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I could probably wait until after my visit with my family. And if I end up running out of something, I can either find something else I can use or I will ask my friends if anyone is going to the store so they can help me out. I think part of this time has made me very paranoid about running out of things I use. I am trying to make sure I have purchased whatever I need before the one I’m using runs out. For example, I use a specific shaving cream from Trader Joes. In the past, if I ran out in the shower, then I’d go to Trader Joes that afternoon to get another one. It wasn’t a big deal. Now, when it’s starting to feel like it’s getting close to empty I want to go out to buy a new one. I know that I can use something else and that it’s not the end of the world if I have to use a slightly different product, but I like having things that are familiar to me.

Doing a full quarantine is totally worth it so that I can see my family soon. It’s also the only way I can see them and feel like I’m not putting anyone at risk. There is no way that I could get my family sick if I do my quarantine properly. And I don’t want to be scared if I could pass it to someone else. So this isn’t just for everyone else’s safety, but for my peace of mind too. And getting able to see everyone is worth any sacrifices I have to make. I want to be able to see them and I can’t wait until I get to be around people I love! I’m about halfway through my quarantine and I’m counting down the days until I get my reward for doing it!

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6 Months In (or I Want To Hope We Aren’t Doing This For 6 More Months)

Posted on September 15, 2020 | Comments Off on 6 Months In (or I Want To Hope We Aren’t Doing This For 6 More Months)

6 months ago, everything seemed to have changed. The pandemic really changed how life is for so many of us. That was when the old normal ended. I stopped seeing friends, going out, doing things around others, and I started being nervous whenever I had to leave my house. At that time, so many of us thought this was just going to last a month or so. I don’t think any of us believed that 6 months later, we’d still be in the same situation.

I know that there are some states that never really shut down like California did and many have reopened more than we have. But as far as things in LA and California go, we’ve been doing this for 6 months. I know there are some people that are going out with others and taking risks that most of us wouldn’t, but most of the people I know are staying home and staying isolated almost all the time.

I have had a few times I’ve seen people either from a distance or after I have isolated. I’m in the middle of another 2-week quarantine so I can see my family soon. I’ve seen so few people in the last 6 months, I honestly can’t think about it too much or I get really upset.

6 months of no Orangetheory workouts in person. I know that it’s for the best, but it’s so sad and it’s a huge thing that I miss all the time. 6 months of no restaurant meals with friends (except for my birthday socially distant picnic). 6 months of no movies in a movie theater but I have watched a ton of movies on Netflix Party. 6 months of no dates except for phone and virtual dates. In 6 months, I think I have done grocery shopping in person under 10 times (grocery delivery may always be a part of my life now as I’m finding it helpful for managing binges).

Things do seem to be getting better, but I’m worried that they aren’t going to stay better for long. More and more people are going out, even when the guidelines say not to do it. We saw a big spike in cases after people went out for Memorial Day, and I know we are still waiting to see what happened after Labor Day. And even if they are getting better, I don’t know how many risks I want to take. I hate that I’ve gotten so scared to be outside of my house, but that’s the point I’ve gotten to now.

And being 6 months in makes me wonder if we will have to do this for another 6 months. It seems crazy to even think that, but 6 more months would get us to March. With people saying a vaccine might not be until the end of the year, guessing that we will have to do this until March doesn’t seem that crazy. If a vaccine is approved in December, it will take several months for everyone to get it. I don’t want to think about having to do this for another 6 months because I have gotten so lonely already. I feel like I’ve lost time and had so many setbacks and I don’t want to see more time and progress slip away. I’m trying to not be upset over something I don’t know will happen and that I can’t control, but it’s not easy. I’m so tired of dealing with this and sometimes feeling like I’m the only one doing it.

6 months ago, I had no idea what I was in for. I knew that things had changed, but I really clung to the idea that my life would be back to normal before I knew it. Now, it seems like my old life is so long ago and far from where I am now. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be back to it. All I can do is continue to do what I need to stay safe and healthy and try to be optimistic that I will be able to enjoy some of the things I miss again in the future.

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Being Ok With Being Bored (or This Is Harder Than I Thought)

Posted on September 9, 2020 | Comments Off on Being Ok With Being Bored (or This Is Harder Than I Thought)

I remember years ago hearing someone say something like “only uninteresting people get bored”. At the time, that made so much sense to me. If you were bored, it was because you couldn’t think of something to do. And even if I had brief moments of boredom, I always knew that it was because I was choosing to not do something interesting. My boredom was always a choice and I knew that I could make a change to fix that. I wasn’t always motivated to make that change, so I accepted being bored and that maybe I was having a moment of not being an interesting person.

I really believed that idea for so long, until this year. Now, boredom is a pretty regular part of my life. I rarely have a day where I am not bored. I am not always bored all day, but sometimes that happens. There are only so many things I can watch or read. I have tried to find new games to play online on my computer or phone, but I’m getting sick of some of those already. Being bored with reading was something I never thought could happen to me. Reading is something that brings me the most joy in my life. I love getting lost in a good book. And there have been some books lately that have made me feel that way. But when I’m going through 4-5 books in a week, they start to blend together and don’t spark my imagination the way they used to.

And I know I’m not alone in this one, but I’m even getting bored with watching things on various streaming services. Again, there are occasional things that get me excited to watch them and I have a great time watching a movie or going through a series. But there are so many things I’ve watched lately and not everything is that interesting. I am trying to find a tv series that I might have missed before that I could binge-watch now. And I have found a few. But because I have nothing happening all day long, it doesn’t take a lot of time to get through a series, even if there are 3 or 4 seasons.

Even when I have been bored in the past, I have always been surprised by how hard it is mentally when you are bored. And this level of boredom is a new level and it’s really a struggle at times. I have tried so hard to find things to keep me busy and life interesting, but there is a limit to what I can do. I don’t know if anyone before would have said that it is so hard to be bored all day because it seems silly to complain about that. Even now, I feel weird complaining about how bored I am. I know that so many people have it harder than I do. There are people working themselves crazy with their jobs and being stressed that they might be putting their lives at risk. I bet most of my friends with kids would love to be bored for a day because their kids are driving them nuts. But just like with other things I’ve learned since the pandemic started, just because other people have different struggles doesn’t mean that mine aren’t important too.

I’m hoping that soon I’ll figure out something else to make life a bit more interesting for me so I don’t feel as bored as often. But if that doesn’t happen, I know I can survive through boredom and I’ll be ok. I just have to make it through this time and eventually, things will be better.

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An At-Home Labor Day (or The Unofficial End To A Weird Summer)

Posted on September 8, 2020 | Comments Off on An At-Home Labor Day (or The Unofficial End To A Weird Summer)

I think most people will agree that Labor Day is the unofficial end to summer. Some schools don’t start until after Labor Day, but I think most start before now. But even with school starting before Labor Day, the long weekend still seems to designate the end of summer for so many people. I think the 3 summer holidays are the markers for summer. Memorial Day is the start, the 4th of July is the middle, and Labor Day is the end.

Even though LA is experiencing the worst heat wave that I can remember, it does feel like we are out of summer and heading into fall. But at the same time, I don’t feel like we had a summer at all. I know there were people who went out and did more things than I did, but so many things that are summer traditions in LA didn’t happen this year. There were no shows at the Hollywood Bowl. Beaches were closed for a lot of the summer, and when they reopened things weren’t really the same. Most restaurants were closed for the summer. And even though it’s safe to do things outside, most outside things that would have a crowd didn’t open. In a way, it doesn’t feel like this summer existed.

I’ve been feeling this way for a while. We are almost 6 months into being told to stay at home and it doesn’t feel like time has moved. I feel like my life has been frozen in time since March. I do feel like others have moved on and I’m the only one stuck, but I know that’s just what I’m seeing on social media. Most of us staying home aren’t posting about it. The few who are not staying home are the ones posting. So the posts I see are from the small portion of the people that I follow who aren’t staying inside.

I know that having a summer spent inside my house was for the best. I have been very lucky with not getting sick or even worried that I could get sick. I didn’t have any moments where I got the call that I was around someone who tested positive. I know a lot of people who weren’t as lucky as me. I have so many friends who tested positive, even if they thought they were doing all the right things such as wearing a mask and only leaving their homes for essential errands. I know people who have died. I know more people who know someone who died. I’m glad I took this seriously even if I feel like I lost my summer.

Labor Day was spent pretty much like any other day the past 6 months. I stayed home. I tried to keep myself busy. I found things to do so the day didn’t drag on too much. And because Labor Day is all about unions and workers’ rights, I took some time to be grateful for my union and all the benefits we have in this country because of what unions have gained for everyone (like 40 hour work weeks and weekends off). 3 day weekends don’t mean much to me normally since I have Mondays off work. It means even less to me now that I’m really not working at all. But I am still going to appreciate what the day means and that’s what I did. And I tried to not be too upset that now it feels like the summer ended and that I didn’t get to experience it at all.

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