Tag Archives: health issues

I Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

Posted on September 13, 2018 | Comments Off on I Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

I’ve been dealing with hormonal nausea for almost 2 years now. It’s not fun and I’m still trying to find a plan that works for me. I’ve got a couple of different things I can do when I’m feeling awful, but none of them make it go away completely and not everything works for me every month. So each month when my nausea comes back, I have to start testing things to see what is going to work and what will be useless that time.

Right when I had to start dealing with this nausea again, it’s been pretty regular. I know when to expect it to start and I know when to expect it to end. Of course, things do fluctuate and sometimes it starts later or doesn’t last as long, but it always happens. And sometimes I get overly optimistic if my nausea doesn’t happen as early as I’m used to and I’ll think that maybe this month won’t be as bad. But sadly it does happen and sometimes those months are the worst ones. It’s like I have a set amount of nausea I always have to have and it can be spread over 2 weeks at one level or be only for 1 week but it’s twice as strong.

And this month was a month where it tricked me. I was feeling pretty decent even on my more nauseous days at the end of last week. I was thinking this could be the month that things turn around and that they will be good. I do not know why I believed this when it never turns out to be true, but I guess I’m just trying to be hopeful that maybe I will outgrow the nausea. I’ve had people tell me that it’s possible, but I don’t know if I will. I had this problem as a teenager (although it wasn’t this severe) and now I have it again as an adult. By the time I think I might outgrow it, I don’t think it will be an issue for me anymore.

So this week I’m back to testing out all my different things to see what is going to work for me and what things I won’t bother with. It seems like by the time I figure out the best combination for that particular month, the nausea is almost over and I don’t have to worry about it. I’ve been trying to take some notes on the different combinations because maybe I can try those combinations each time instead of trying to figure out what to add it or not use. But I really don’t know if that will make things easier or faster.

There is one thing I haven’t tried yet for my nausea. When I was at my doctor recently, she prescribed me a new anti-nausea medication. It may help when my regular anti-nausea medication isn’t working but there’s no guarantee it will help since there are so many factors that determine if a medication will or won’t work. But I haven’t been able to try it even though I’ve had it for 2 months.

This new medication usually makes people very drowsy. While most medications that typically make you drowsy don’t do that for me, I still have to be careful before I take any new medications. So I really can’t take this new one before I have to drive and I don’t want to risk it before I work because I don’t want to accidentally fall asleep working. So I really need to take it when I’ll be home doing nothing important to see what it does to me.

And because my body is being mean to me, all of the times that I’ve had the extreme nausea have been before I’m driving or while I’m working. And by the time I don’t have to worry about driving or working, the horrible nausea has ended and it’s manageable with other things. I know I can just try taking it when I don’t need it, but my prescription isn’t for that many pills and I don’t want to waste one. Plus, to see if it helps my nausea I really need to try it when I am feeling nauseous. So the timing for me to try it just hasn’t been in my favor.

It’s weird to hope to feel nauseous, but I really want it to happen when I can test out the new medication so I have an answer if it will work or not. And it would be amazing if it did work and continued to work the next month as well. I know that there are so many worse things to deal with, but I just want the nausea to not affect my life as much as it does right now. And it is frustrating that I know exactly how to make it stop, but I can’t take hormonal birth control because it will make my tumors grow.

Even with all my complaining, I do try to find moments of positivity and being optimistic. I am grateful that even though my nausea tricked me this month, I didn’t have to deal with it for several days that I was expecting to have to. And while it’s not fun right now, I know it will be done soon and I will have 2-3 weeks of not being nauseous that I can enjoy. But I do juts want to beat this and figure out how to make it a much smaller issue for me every month.

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Default ThumbnailSome Highs And Lows Of My Body (or I Found One Possible Benefit To My Nausea) Default ThumbnailBeing Social and Nauseous (or Taking Some Inspiration From My Workouts) Default ThumbnailAnother Downside To My Bad Week (or Just Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms) Default Thumbnail3 Workouts In A Row (or Using Fitness To Beat A Cold)

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I’m So Glad My Friend Called Me (or Forcing Someone To Get Help)

Posted on September 11, 2018 | 1 comment

As I shared yesterday in my workout recap, something happened in the middle of the week. I have previously written about how I have had some personal experience with depression and some friends who have considered or attempted suicide. These are not easy things to talk about, but it is important to talk about them. There is no reason to be embarrassed if you are struggling and reaching out to get help. But I also know that reaching out to someone to ask for help is not easy. And on Wednesday night, I had a friend reach out to me for something else that turned into me forcing them to get help.

The story of what happened to my friend is not mine to share so I will not be very detailed in what happened. But they called me saying how frustrated they were with work and they actually walked out of work that evening. It was very impulsive and not the behavior I was used to from my friend. A few minutes later in that call, they said they kind of wanted it all to end and to cut their arms.

While this friend has had suicidal thoughts before, I have never heard them share a specific plan they had in mind. They also recently got a new therapist and I didn’t think they would be able to reach them (plus it was late at night). I honestly went into a bit of a panic. Was this someone just being frustrated and venting or was this a cry for help that I needed to take seriously. I realized that I had to do something and I got very forceful with my friend.

I told them that they had 2 options. Either they would drive to a hospital right now and go to an ER or I would call the police on them to have them taken to a hospital. I got very mean to my friend and said I didn’t care which they picked but they were going to have one or the other. And I told them if they picked the hospital that they had to keep me on the phone so I could have proof they went to an ER. I realized after saying that if they decided to hang up on me and go somewhere other than their home, I couldn’t do anything. My friend didn’t talk for a few moments and then told me they were driving to the hospital.

While they were driving, we didn’t talk much. I was trying to stay strong on the phone, but I was crying hysterically. I kept thinking that things could turn so wrong in a moment if my friend decided to do so. I just had to have some faith and trust that they were really driving to the hospital and that I would soon hear the voice of someone in the ER confirming they were there.

After my friend parked, they found a security guard to help them find the ER. I was on the phone, but there was no talking happening. And what felt like forever later I finally heard the voice of a woman in the ER confirming my friend was there and safe. My friend had to hang up the phone to check in, and when the phone call ended I completely lost it.

I knew that this was a risky time for my friend and I’m so lucky that not only they called me and admitted what they were thinking but I am lucky I didn’t miss their phone call. I have been thinking of the alternative scenarios in my head and I know they are all bad. I tried reaching out to friends to talk to but it was very late at night and most people were asleep. My friend called me from the ER asking if I could drive to where they were to move their car because they parked in the wrong area. Fortunately, before I had to make that drive, another friend got back to me and was able to do it. I didn’t feel like I could drive 30 minutes each way with how upset I was. I am so grateful for the friend who lived closer to the hospital to do it.

Even though I knew I did the right thing, I still questioned it. What if my friend wasn’t really going to harm themselves and I was overreacting? What if I just forced them to do something they didn’t need and they will have a huge hospital bill to deal with now? I was able to talk to a friend that night to talk this out with and they just tried to keep telling me that I will never regret helping someone if they didn’t need it but I would regret not helping if they did need it.

I didn’t sleep much that night because I just couldn’t stop thinking. But I had to come to the conclusion that my friend might be very upset with me for various reasons but I would be ok having a friend alive and angry with me and not ok with a friend who was dead. I knew intellectually that I made the right decision, but emotionally I struggled with it.

I heard from my friend later that day. They were being released from the ER and being sent to a mental health facility for a few days to get treatment. They didn’t go into the specifics of what was happening and I don’t know if they knew them at the time. They just sounded scared and confused but called me to update me. They also told me of some other things they might need help with and gave me permission to talk about it with a few of our mutual friends to see who could help.

Being able to tell other people what was happening helped me a lot. The weight of everything was no longer on my shoulders and I could talk things through with others. I know that what my friend was going through was much more intense than what I experienced, but I was surprised how drained I felt. You think that making a friend get help when they are in trouble would make you feel good. But for me, I felt good and awful at the same time. But being able to talk to others really helped me feel more reassured that I did the right thing.

I felt even better about it when my friend reached out to me to update me on when they were thinking they would be coming home and in their text message to me they thanked me. I also got a message from my friend’s mom who said I saved my friend’s life and they were grateful for me. I know I shouldn’t have to hear it from outside sources, but hearing my friend’s mom say that really solidified in my mind that I did the right thing and that there was no other option that would have had as positive of an outcome.

As I’m writing this, my friend isn’t home yet but should be soon. Another friend of ours has talked to them on the phone and said they sounded good. And I am hopeful that my friend will be ok and not angry or upset with me. But I have also accepted the possibility that they might be distant or not as friendly to me for a while. I will have to wait and see what happens, but as long as they are alive I am ok with whatever happens.

Even though I have had to talk friends down before when they were not in a good mindset, this was so different. But even though this was a tough thing for me to do and I was very upset about what I had to make my friend do, I don’t regret it for a second. I could not imagine my life without this friend and I would be devastated if they weren’t here. And if they harmed themselves after talking to me on the phone and I didn’t make them get help, I would never forgive myself.

But this isn’t about me. This only had this result because my friend was brave enough to share what was happening with me. They could have lied and said they were fine even though they weren’t. They felt like they needed help and knew they needed to say something. And I was just the person who happened to be listening and telling them what to do.  I cannot say how unbelievably proud I am of my friend for getting the help they needed. It is not easy, but hopefully in the long run they will be grateful for it.

While my friend felt comfortable enough to tell me what was happening, I know that isn’t always the case for everyone. I know some people don’t want their friends to know what is going on. And if that is the case for you and you are struggling or having thoughts of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There are people there 24/7 who can help you find help. And if you hear someone you care about expressing thoughts of harming yourself, you can also call the Lifeline to get advice on what to do.

I know that when someone is in the depths of depression it can feel like you aren’t worth getting help. Please know this isn’t true. Everyone is worthy of getting help and being able to be happy in their life. Please reach out to someone if you feel helpless. There is always hope.

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Default ThumbnailFriends Helping Friends (or Not Being Afraid To Ask For Support) Default ThumbnailA Friend Party (or A Casual Hangout And Catchup) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailMaking My Friend Try On Wedding Dresses (or I’m So Glad She Found The Perfect Dress!) Default ThumbnailBeautiful Wedding For A Beautiful Friend (or I’m Glad I Wore Waterproof Mascara) Default ThumbnailRemembering A Year Ago (or Still So Grateful My Friend Got Help)

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More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Posted on September 5, 2018 | Comments Off on More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Heads up to everyone: Just like with my IUD post, this post is a frank and honest discussion about a biopsy I had done. If the idea of reading about medical procedures or female health makes you uncomfortable or squeamish, you might want to skip this post.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of random medical conditions and medical tests. I joke to my parents that this has happened to me because I was raised in a family that worked in the medical field so somehow everything seems to happen to me. More often than not, I’m not that concerned about what I find out because I can talk to my parents and get a lot of answers. The only thing that really scared me recently was my tumor, but everything else has been something I just viewed as something new to experience and not something to be fearful of what I will find out.

Last year at my annual appointment with my OB/GYN, I had all the regular tests run as I try to stay on top of all health things including my reproductive health. Everything came back fine, but my OB/GYN let me know that I tested positive for high-risk HPV. For those of you who don’t know that is, here’s some quick information about it (for more information, check out this page). High risk HPV is not the type that can give you warts (that’s low risk HPV). High risk HPV is something that approximately 90% of women will get at one point (currently there is no test for men to see if they have it, but I’d bet numbers are similar). It is contracted by skin to skin contact and a majority of people will fight it off on their own in 1-3 years. If you can’t fight it off, it can lead to cancer but HPV only causes about 3% of cancer in women.

I have no idea who exposed me to this, but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not that big of a deal and it’s normally not something to worry about. I did have the HPV vaccine when I was 24, but that doesn’t protect you against all strains of high risk or low risk HPV. That’s why it’s so important to get checked every year to make sure you are fine. When I was told about this last year, I also knew my Pap smear came back normal so it wasn’t something we had to take action on immediately. My OB/GYN let me know that if my body didn’t fight it off in a year then we would have some more steps to take.

And as much as I would have loved for my body to fight it off within a year, I knew that with my history and the odds I seem to have that it wouldn’t be the case. And I was right. I tested positive for it again with another normal Pap smear. But because my OB/GYN wants to make sure that everything is fine with me and I want to do what I need to do to make sure I’m healthy, I had my first biopsy last week.

I was very fortunate that not only do I have an amazing OB/GYN who is super open and honest with me and could tell me everything I needed to, I was able to talk to my parents about this as well as some friends who have had it done. I knew that this was not being done because my doctor was worried about me but as a precaution to make sure there is nothing we need to watch (kind of the same reason I get mammograms). I still was nervous that this would hurt, but I had been told by friends that getting an IUD was worse so I knew I would be fine with just some painkillers and I could drive myself.

While I wasn’t scared for the results, I was nervous about the procedure and the room I was in for it seemed a bit scarier that the normal exam room to me.

But there wasn’t really anything too scary. I think it was more of being in a room that I hadn’t been in before and the unknown factor. I joked to my doctor that of course she put me in the scary room but she calmed me down quickly and we got started with the biopsy.

The procedure only took a few minutes and it wasn’t that bad. After getting the speculum in, my cervix was washed with a vinegar solution that helps make the cells easier to see. This didn’t hurt and wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just a bit cold. Then my doctor used a colposcope to see my cervix better. The colposcope is a machine that helps to illuminate and magnify things for your doctor. That was also when my doctor decided which biopsies I would need. She determined that I would not need the biopsy where they take a sample from the bottom of my cervix to check the cells as everything looked normal. Then we moved on to the biopsy I did have done.

The biopsy I had took cells from the inside of my cervix where you really can’t see the cells during the exam. There was a small tool used to scrape some of the cells off, similar to what is done during a Pap smear. But this was a little bit longer so I was prepared for it to be more than a tiny pinch. I knew it probably wouldn’t hurt, but of course I was worried that it would. But my friends were right and it didn’t hurt. I did feel it and it was a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t say it was painful. I described it to my doctor as almost like a headache or scratch happening inside my body. It was about 10 seconds long and then that was done. I did feel a bit of a cramp when I sat up after the biopsy and I had some cramps for the next few days, but it wasn’t bad and I didn’t really need painkillers for that long.

Because my Pap smears have been normal and everything looked normal with the visual exam, my doctor is expecting my biopsy to come back normal as well. And if that happens, I go back in a year for my normal exam and hopefully my tests will show that my body has fought off the high risk HPV. And even if the biopsy shows that there are mild abnormality in the cells, I don’t have to go back for a year. It’s only if they appear severely abnormal that I would go back soon for another test. But again, that is not something my doctor is expecting because of all the normal test results I have had.

I should be getting my biopsy results back in the next few days (things were delayed because of the weekend and holiday). And hopefully next year all my tests will come back normal so I don’t have to do another biopsy. But if I do, at least I know what it’s like now and I don’t need to be scared. And I know that for most people hearing a test result isn’t normal or negative can be scary. I wanted to share my experience so others can know it doesn’t need to be. While I don’t love having random medical things happen to me, I’m glad that I can share on here so hopefully someone else going through it can see what I went through and can stop feeling as scared.

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Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailFinding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailAnother Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy) Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailFinding Some More Control (or How Medical Stuff and Dating Stuff Are Alike)

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Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

Posted on August 30, 2018 | Comments Off on Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

It’s been a while since I’ve had a panic attack. I’ve had moments of panic and anxiety like when I go to the dentist, but those are different from panic attacks. Those seem to be a duller feeling and even though they last longer they aren’t as bad as an attack. And I still haven’t been having panic attacks, but I’ve been dealing with a lot more of the general and duller anxiety issues.

It’s not coming as a big surprise that I’m dealing with this now. I’ve got a few different things going on in my life that feel out of control and would probably cause someone with no anxiety issues have anxiety. I’ll get into some of these issues more next week, but having my dentist appointment this week as well as the news about my job are big causes of this.

I really hate feeling out of control. I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen. This is a feeling I have even with fun things. When a new roller coaster opens up and I know I’ll be going on it, I like to watch an on-ride video so I can know what to expect. So being in a situation now where there are multiple things that I cannot control or know what will happen is just bringing me down.

I haven’t taken my panic medication in quite a while. I actually don’t know if I have any left because I don’t know where I stored the bottle. I rarely took them before (usually only before the dentist or flying), but once I started taking Vyvanse I’ve found that I don’t need them for those situations any more. And I’m glad to not need them anymore because I did use them as a crutch. I probably could have gotten through my panic attacks without them, but it was just easy to take them so I didn’t have to deal with it.

Since I don’t know if I have any more medication nor do I want to take them, I have been trying to work on finding ways to make myself feel better this week. When I feel out of control, I know that I need to find ways to be in control. I’ve heard that multiple times in therapy when I was getting help for my panic attacks. You reach for whatever you can to have control over and use that to calm down. Sometimes that has to do with what you choose to schedule in your day or how you spend your free time. Unfortunately for me, a lot of time this control came from controlling food.

I don’t want to use food as a way to control things again. I know I don’t do it in a healthy way and it will always backfire on me. If I use not eating as much as a form of control, that is bad because it can result in a binge episode. If I eat whatever I want as a form of control, then I feel sick and that makes me feel worse about myself. It’s my go-to when I look for control and I’ve been using this week as a way to try out other methods to see if I can find something that makes me feel the same peace and feel as relaxed as I have been when I use food that way.

I haven’t found anything that works as well as food does, but I have found things that do help. I’ve been doing a ton of cleaning in my house this week. I don’t know if I’ve ever cleaned this much, but it is helping me feel some control. I’m also cleaning out things in my house that have been piling up. I’m lucky that tomorrow will be trash day because I have been throwing out a lot of things. I probably have been needing to do this for a while and it does feel nice to have a very clean house. There are also some things that I’m debating about getting rid of so I am putting them in bags and storing them in my house until I know for sure that I don’t need them. The last thing I want to do is get rid of too much stuff and then need to spend money to buy things I really did need to keep.

I know that this uncertainty can come back any time, but I think next week will be better for me. There are a few things that will probably still be an issue next week, but a majority of the things that have been out of my control will be done after this weekend. And hopefully the more I work on good habits to find ways to feel in control, the easier it will be even if it does last through next week.

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Default ThumbnailAnatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Getting Back To Normal (or Still Dealing With The Same Old Issues) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder)

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So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Posted on August 15, 2018 | Comments Off on So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Despite the fact that I have had to deal with my horrible hormonal nausea issues for almost 2 years, it still takes me by surprise many times when it hits me. Sometimes it’s because I thought maybe I’d be escaping the issues that month and sometimes I think I forget how bad things can get for me. I have multiple remedies and prescriptions to help me, but it doesn’t always work. I’m continuing to work with my doctor to find what other things I can do, but since the best remedy (any form of hormonal birth control) is not an option for me it can be tough to figure out what I can do. It’s a lot of trial and error and it can be a long process to find what will work.

I knew this week was potentially going to be a bad week for me, but since it wasn’t that bad for me last week I was optimistic. I am grateful that I track things so that I am aware when I might feel horrible, and it’s always a pleasant surprise when I feel completely normal. I woke up on Monday not feeling so great and tried my best to do what I could. But I was getting sick and in a lot of pain and just had to suffer through it. I was able to reschedule a dentist appointment I was supposed to have then because I was terrified to get sick there (so I guess that’s one good thing my nausea got me). It wasn’t the worst I had felt but it was also not nothing and I just had to take it easy and hope I would feel better the next day.

When trying to sleep on Monday night, I was miserable. Nothing I had was helping me and I know that I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I was tossing and turning and getting up every 30 minutes or so to try to stretch out or take some painkillers. Tuesday morning I needed to work and I don’t know if I’ve ever been more grateful to work from home. We are at the end of our slow season so there was a bit of downtime between customers. I spent that downtime laying on my couch or on the floor to try to feel better. I was moving my body around to find how to make the pain go away and I know I looked crazy.

If this had happened at any of my old day jobs, I don’t know what I would have done. This pain is the exact reason I was put on the pill to begin with. I didn’t want to have to suffer while in school or trying to work and have to miss several days of whatever I was doing to stay home. I’m so grateful that I’m at home while I work so I can do all the crazy things I might need to do to try to feel better. All of my remedies are here so I can try whatever I need to. And worst case, I can bring my computer and phone with me into my bed and I can work from there. But I try not to do that since it is so much easier to type on a desk than on my bed.

I hate feeling like I’m complaining about this because I know that some people have it much worse than I do. But I’ve also noticed that when I have written about things like this that people reach out to me saying they have the same issue. Sometimes they find something in my post that helps them and sometimes they have something to recommend for me to try.

I am cautiously optimist that things might get better from me. When I starting dealing with this all again, I was averaging almost 2 weeks a month of pain and nausea. The last few months it’s been closer to a week or a week and a half of issues. And last month was just a week. I don’t think it will ever go away completely but if it could stay just a week or be more mild than it has been in the past I would be so happy. I hate the feeling that I’m missing out on things or not able to do what I need because of something that happens every month for me.

But for now, I’m just trying to make it through however many days I will feel like this and will try to figure out any other things I can do while working to try to feel better.

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Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailWorking Through The Workouts (Modifications Are Harder At Home) Default ThumbnailEnough With Being Sick (or Holy Moly I’m Craving Exercise) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea) Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

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Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

Posted on August 14, 2018 | Comments Off on Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

My entire life, my eyes have been sensitive to light. When I was a kid and still wore glasses, I had an extreme version of transition lenses. When the light was too bright, my glasses would darken. This was all the time when I was outside and they would sometimes darken a little when I was inside in bright light. They darkened so much that as a kid people would ask my parents if I was blind.

Once I got contact lenses when I was 9, I wore sunglasses outside when it was bright. It could even be too bright for me when it was a cloudy day and I would be wearing sunglasses then. I always have sunglasses on me and have several spare pairs in my car. But even with sunglasses, my eyes are still sensitive to light and sometimes it bothered me.

I didn’t realize it until recently, but I started to squint a lot in bright light. And when I squinted, I furrowed my brow. That was fine for a while, but then it started to cause me some tension headaches. I thought maybe I was overusing the muscle in-between my eyebrows and the headaches were more about the muscle being sore. And the last time I saw my dermatologist, she confirmed that my idea was very likely what was going on with me.

My doctor gave me 2 options to work on fixing this. The cheaper option was a type of medical tape that I would wear on my face to train my face not to squint and furrow my brow. But I would have to wear this tape almost all the time for several weeks and it wasn’t something that I could really hide. The other option was to get Botox. Getting Botox would paralyze the muscle and after a few rounds of injections my face should be trained to not do it anymore.

For me, there was no question. I was going to get Botox. I didn’t want to have to wear tape on my face for weeks and even though I hate needles the injections still seemed like the easier option for me. I discussed with my doctor about if my insurance would cover it. But I would have to have several appointments with a neurologist to approve the injections and those appointments would be more expensive than what going to a medical spa would charge me. So I decided to ask around for recommendations from friends to get it done outside of my insurance coverage.

I have a friend (who I am not going to name because it’s not my business to share what she does) who has been getting Botox for a few sessions already and was going to go back to the medical spa that she goes to for some other injectable procedures. So she offered to call them and see if they could make an appointment at the same time for me to go in. I really liked how her Botox had been done because her face was not frozen at all. I’ve seen bad Botox and I was terrified that mine would be overdone. Even though I was doing this for something other than wrinkles, I wanted a doctor who believed less is more.

Fortunately, that’s exactly the mindset that the doctor my friend goes to has. So last week after work, we headed to Hollywood to go to Skinny Beach Med Spa (they are mainly based in San Diego, but they have a Hollywood office now too).

While I was excited about this because it was going to help with my headaches and I looked at it as an interesting adventure, I was also pretty scared on the drive there. I hate needles and I knew this was a needle. I didn’t want to faint even though it’s been a little while since I’ve fainted with a needle. I didn’t want this to hurt a lot and I didn’t want to have something go wrong and have to wait 4 months for it to wear off before I looked normal again.

When we got to the office and met Dr. Staley, I felt a bit better. He was very calm and said that it should be very simple for me. Based on my research, I read getting your “11” lines (your frown lines) done is usually between 10-20 units. I figured I would be on the higher end of things because it was for headache relief. But Dr. Staley said that I didn’t need that much and it would only be 8 units for me. Also, he told me that he recommended doing Xeomin over Botox. They are very similar but Botox has a protein in it that your body can get used to. So Xeomin is preferred so you don’t need more of it over time to have the same effect.

Originally, I wanted my friend to go first so I could watch her. But that wasn’t the way things were going to go. So I handled my phone to my friend so she could take photos and I sat in the chair. I tried to keep my breathing calm, but my friend said she could see how freaked out I was. Dr. Staley has a little buzzing device that helps to keep the pain from the injection lower and that’s the gold device you see above the needle in the photo.

The entire thing maybe took 10 seconds. I did have a moment where I blacked out a bit (what has been happening with needles but I don’t faint and am normal again quickly), but it was seriously so easy! I warned my friend that I might cry because of how much I hate needles and I think she was shocked that when it was done I was crying a bit. But I was able to calm down quickly and my friend got in the chair for her injections.

I was taking photos of her process being done, but I also couldn’t stop trying to squint and frown to see if I felt a difference. I did notice there was a bit of resistance in my forehead and it was a weird feeling. The full effects of the Xeomin can take up to a week, but even comparing how I looked before to how I looked 1 hour later shows a big difference!

I don’t really care if it gets that much better than how it is now. I didn’t do this for the wrinkle reduction and I have noticed that I’m not getting headaches the way I was getting them before. And hopefully the headaches keep getting better and soon I won’t have them anymore at all. The goal is that after a few sessions of Botox of Xeomin that my face is trained not to do this anymore and I won’t need it after that. From what I’ve read online, that can be between 4-6 sessions and you get them done every 4 months. So for right now, my plan is to go back at the beginning of December for another injection and see how things go.

I never really thought I would ever get Botox or something like it, but I’m so glad I did. There’s nothing wrong with getting it done for wrinkles if that’s what you want to do. That’s not my plan right now, but I’m glad I know what it’s like in case in the future I do want to do that. There is some stigma with getting Botox or other injections and that it makes your face look weird, and I’m glad I found a doctor to do this who believes that people should look natural and I still have so much range in my expressions.

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Default ThumbnailContinuing The Birthday Fun (or Pie and Makeup) Default ThumbnailSome Highs And Lows Of My Body (or I Found One Possible Benefit To My Nausea) Default ThumbnailBirthday Beauty Discounts (or Making My Birthday Last The Entire Month) Default ThumbnailAlmost Free Birthday Dinner (or Spending My Birthday With My Birthday Twin) Default ThumbnailContinuing The Birthday Celebrations (or A Birthday Twin Adventure) Default ThumbnailHappy Birthday Grandma! (or Double Birthday Celebrations)

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A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

Posted on August 8, 2018 | Comments Off on A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

It’s been a while since I’ve seen my new therapist. I actually have only had 1 in-person appointment with her when she started treating me. A month after that appointment I had a phone call appointment with her to check-in about my new medication dosage and to discuss any issues. After my phone call, I was supposed to have a video chat with her for my next appointment, but I had to change that. The time I originally set up for that was no longer a time I could be at my computer and when I called in to reschedule I was only given the options to do an in-office appointment or another phone call. I figured it was easier to do a phone call so I went with that.

My call with my therapist was this week and I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect out of it. Since my other phone appointment was more about checking in with the medication, we didn’t discuss much else beyond that. And I’m used to my appointments with my other therapist where medication wasn’t really something we discussed beyond that I was doing ok. I was much more used to discussing everything else in life and getting homework. This new therapist is still new to me and I don’t feel like I know her as well as I knew my old therapist, so I just was trying to stay open-minded and keep plenty of time open for this new phone call.

The first thing my therapist asked me about on the call was how I was doing on my medication. I told her how the adjustment period was much longer than expected but that I was feeling pretty normal now. I do still feel like it is helping me although I wish it helped even more. But I realize that it is just an aid to help in binge eating and not a cure so I still have to do work on my own. But even knowing that, it would be amazing if it was a cure and it would fix everything for me.

After letting her know that I’m doing ok and I think that this is a good dosage for me, my therapist let me know that she was a bit hesitant about things because in her experience most patients don’t have positive results or feel like it helps enough. She kept me on it before because I was on it from my last therapist and just wanted to do what she felt would be an appropriate dosage to have me really see if it helps. I don’t know if she was expecting me to say it’s not helping or I’m not happy, but I’m glad that it does work for me and that she is willing to work with me on things.

We really didn’t discuss too much outside of the medication or my eating disorder. We didn’t discuss any new or old stresses in my life, but I honestly feel like I have been dealing with them in better and healthier ways than I have in the past. Even with the bad things that have happened lately I feel a bit more calm and rational when dealing with them. Or if I don’t feel rational and calm, I’m not as rash to act on them and I usually let it sit until I can deal with them in a better way. I know my medication has nothing to do with this, but it still is a positive change in my life that I’m happy with.

My call with my therapist was very brief and I was surprised by that. I’m sure if I had more to talk about with her I could have had a longer call, but I didn’t feel like that was necessary. I discussed the few things I needed to with her and she feels comfortable with keeping me on my medication and at the dosage I’m at right now. She ordered my next refill for when I need it and will approve the refill after that (those refills will get me through the next 6 months). It’s what I wanted out of the appointment and I’m glad it was very simple to get that.

My next appointment with her will be in 6 months. Because that will be a year after the last time she saw me, it has to be either an in-person appointment or a video chat. It was easier to schedule the video chat, plus it saves me the drive and the parking costs, so I’ll be doing the video chat I was supposed to do this time. That will be my first video chat with my therapist so just like with this call I honestly don’t know what to expect out of it. I’m not worried about what will happen or think that she will think anything is wrong with me, but it’s still a bit of an unknown.

But for now, I’m just happy I got this super quick check-in done and it went well. I wanted to make sure she felt ok with me continuing with my plan and that’s exactly what I got out of it. I know that I’ve done a lot of work on myself outside of therapy and I don’t feel like it’s stuff I need to go into super detail about with my therapist because it is going well. But it’s good to know that I do have someone I trust and feel is really looking out of me if I did need more than what I am getting now or if things take a turn that I’m not ok with.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps) Default ThumbnailSome More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy) Default ThumbnailA Good Therapy Check In (or Focus On The Good) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)

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Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

Posted on August 3, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

It was just about a month ago that I went to the doctor for some recurring medical issues I had been dealing with. When I went to the appointment originally, I thought I’d still have to go back for another appointment for all my annual things. But my doctor was able to fit everything into that one appointment. I still don’t have an answer for the recurring issue, but it didn’t happen this past month when I expected it to so I’m hoping whatever it was resolved itself.

I got all my medical tests back quickly and they were all normal. But then my doctor realized that one of the tests I had to do was either lost or they forgot to test it. So I had to go back for that test this week (just like I thought I would when I didn’t think the last appointment would count as my annual one). Fortunately since this was a lab screwup I didn’t have to pay a co-pay. And I’ve had the same insurance since I was born and this was the first time any of my tests were lost. So while it was a minor inconvenience I wasn’t mad or upset. I also realized after my last appointment I forgot to ask for a prescription refill on a painkiller so this worked out for me just fine.

Because my doctor is a family friend, it was easy to get the appointment scheduled. She booked me to be the last appointment of the day so she wouldn’t have to feel rushed with me. We also spend part of my appointment time catching up or talking about random stuff so the extra time was appreciated. But because I was the last appointment of the day, I also knew that the appointment would probably not be on time. I’m fine with that and it was only a few minutes behind. But when I was waiting in the exam room I just kept staring at this chart.

This chart is usually used for other things like cervical dilation, but to me I always look at it and am in shock over how big 10cm (the largest circle) is. That’s how big my biggest liver tumor was when it was discovered. I still can’t believe that I had a tumor that large and had no idea it was in my body! Every time I see that chart I can’t stop looking at it and just be in disbelief over the tumor situation. But it’s also a good way to kill a few minutes while waiting for my doctor.

When she came into the exam room, we went over some of the previous tests I had done and the recurring issue I had. I am a bit paranoid that the issue will come back again this month and last month was just a fluke, but if that’s the case I’ll just come back and we will keep working on finding out what’s wrong with me. We also discussed my tumor a bit because I was telling her how the chart is so shocking to me. She confirmed that my next MRI order is set to happen in October (I can schedule it when it’s ordered so it will probably be the end of October or beginning of November) so I’ll have an update on my tumors then.

When we were talking about my tumors, I did have a funny story to share with her. I recently had a first date with a guy who works in medicine. We ended up talking about weird medical conditions we both have (it’s a strange first date conversation but it came up naturally) and I told my doctor how this guy was so fascinated by my tumors. He even asked if I had any photos of it because he wanted to see it and I showed him my MRI. My doctor and I joked that only I could find a guy to go on a date with that would be interested in learning about my medical weirdness.

The test that had to be redone only took a minute and I should have the results in a week or so. I’m not too stressed about it. The worst case scenario is that I’ll have to go back another time for an additional test, but it would only be a test to confirm I don’t have any pre-cancerous cells (which was already proven to be fine by another test). I know I need to get that additional test if it’s ordered, but it’s really more of a precaution and not to really test to see if there is anything wrong with me. But I do like to be on top of all my health issues so I’m glad I understand what’s going on and what steps are possibly coming up.

I’m sure I’m more aware of health issues or possible complications than a lot of people are aware of. Part of it is my upbringing with being raised in a medical family and part of it is that I always seem to have weird things and I like to be educated as it removes a lot of the fear that can happen when you are told that not everything is perfect. And I’ve said it before, but I am so lucky to have such amazing doctors as a part of my medical team. They really do care about me and understand why I want to know the answers to so many things.

Hopefully I don’t have to go back again for another test, but if I do then I guess it will be an interesting blog post when it happens.

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Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailMore Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy) Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailTaking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again)

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Celebrating A Friend’s Birthday (or Not Letting Feeling Gross Stop Me From Being Social)

Posted on July 24, 2018 | Comments Off on Celebrating A Friend’s Birthday (or Not Letting Feeling Gross Stop Me From Being Social)

I’ve been pretty good about not letting my recurring nausea get me down too much. I still do my workouts, even if I have to do a ton of modifications in order to get them done. And sometimes I can barely do the workout, but I figure doing something is better than doing nothing. I’ve felt like this for the last year and a half (since I started having the nausea issues) and it’s never been something I’ve thought twice about. And I’ve never had issues with working when I feel sick either. It does help that I work from home and I can work from my bed if necessary.

Even though I am good with maintaining my workout schedule and not asking for time off work, I am not always dealing with my nausea in the best way. Obviously when I’m sick all day and it’s one of the brutal days I don’t expect to be able to do anything. But even when it’s only mild I have used it as an excuse from time to time. And that’s something that I really shouldn’t be doing because it can isolate me 50% of the time. I need to work on pushing myself to do more when I’m not feeling totally perfect and this past weekend gave me a good opportunity to do that.

My friend Marie was having a small birthday gathering at her house. She’s done this for the past few years but I’ve never been able to make it before. Sometimes I have had to work and sometimes I had a previous commitment that prevented me from going. But this year I happened to be free that afternoon/evening and I wanted to make sure I showed up.

Her birthday gathering was an all-day movie marathon. I knew I couldn’t be there for the first few movies because I had work and my workout, but I was determined to make it for at least a little bit of time in the afternoon. I was having a nausea day and after my workout ended up taking a nap to try to make myself feel better. Unfortunately I wasn’t doing that much better after my nap but I just told myself that I had to push through. I took my medications that can help (they weren’t really helping this day but it was better than nothing) and told myself that I was going to make an appearance and could always go home after being there for a little bit.

Besides wanting to celebrate Marie’s birthday with her, I had a little extra motivation to go. They just adopted a dog and I wanted to meet her! She’s a cute little puppy that was rescued from Thailand so she’s a bit skittish. But she was getting more comfortable in her new home so it was ok for people to come over to see her.

I got to the party while one movie was just ending so I headed to their backyard to just hang out and chat with the friends who were there. And when the movie ended and people came out to join us, I was having a good time talking to people even though I just saw many of them a few weeks ago for the 4th of July. But like I always say, I love just spending time with these friends and I’m grateful for any opportunity I get to see them.

When the next movie was starting, I debated about going in to watch it. But I still wasn’t feeling great and was thinking about leaving soon so I decided to stay in the backyard being social. Some of my friends wanted to take my phone to swipe on dating apps so that ended up being entertainment for a bunch of us. And of course we were all watching the new puppy and seeing all the fun things that she was doing.

I ended up staying at the party much longer than I thought I would. I probably stayed a little bit too long because I was feeling really nauseous on my drive home and was worried I’d need to get off the freeway so I could be sick. Fortunately, that didn’t happen and I made it home without any incidents. But it did make me much more aware of the signs my body gives me when the nausea is about to take a bad turn.

While this wasn’t the most active thing to do, it still was something that in the past I would not go to because of how I was feeling. But I’ve been more and more open with my friends regarding the nausea so they are all very understanding. If a wave of nausea hits me and I just have to breathe to let it pass, they understand and don’t freak out or overreact. I need to remember this more often because I use my fear of how my friends will treat me as a reason to stay home when I feel sick.

I know that it’s going to take some time to get into the habit of not letting my nausea stop me from being social, but I’m glad I had an opportunity to try it out and prove to myself that I can do it. And of course I’m still hoping that in the near future I will figure out some plan that will make my nausea go away and no longer be an issue for me.

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Default ThumbnailBeing Social and Nauseous (or Taking Some Inspiration From My Workouts) Default ThumbnailOver Scheduled In The Best Way (of Taking Time For My Friends) Default ThumbnailHappy Birthday Rayshell (or I Love Casual Hangouts!) Default ThumbnailHow I Spent My Actual Birthday (or Friends, Friends, and More Friends) Default ThumbnailA Special Birthday For A Special Friend (or Celebrating A “College” Friend) Default ThumbnailA Birthday Brunch (or Celebrating With Some Fabulous Ladies)

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Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

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Getting Another Mammogram (or This Is Getting Easier)

Posted on July 18, 2018 | 1 comment

Because I am now considered high-risk for breast cancer (even though my mom’s cancer was when she was a little older), I get more cancer screenings than most women my age. About 4 years ago I had my first mammogram. And 2 years ago I had my first breast MRI (my mom’s type of breast cancer is only seen on an MRI). Because of my mom’s age when she was diagnosed and my age now, it’s been a bit up in the air of how often I need to get screenings and what types of screenings they will be. But I do trust my doctor and I go with the plan that she feels is best for me.

When I was at my appointment recently, we went over the cancer screenings I’ve had before and she felt like I should get a mammogram this year. I don’t think anyone looks forward to getting a mammogram, but I was fine getting one because I know that it is important for me to be monitored. I am not scared that I will have cancer, although that is always a possibility because I have friends my age with no family history who found out they had breast cancer. But it’s always a bit nerve-racking whenever you do a medical test for something that is a bit more serious than just checking cholesterol or other more routine tests.

When I called to schedule my mammogram, they happened to have an opening the next day right after I was done with work. That was pretty convenient and there was no need for me to drag things out so I took that appointment before someone else did. And because you never know how late appointments will be, I went there prepared to wait and had my book with me.

I ended up being a bit stupid and mixing up the time I needed to be there. I thought they said I had to be there at 3:15 (for a 3:45 appointment), but they actually said to be there 15 minutes early. But I guess getting there early is better than late. So I got checked in, got my medical bracelet, and headed down to the room in the radiology waiting area that is specific for mammograms. I didn’t get a photo of the waiting room because there were other people in there, but I have to say that they have a much nicer waiting room now! And it’s better than the MRI waiting room too! I kept looking around and checking things out so I didn’t end up reading my book that much before I was called to go back.

I really wanted to get some photos while I was in there, but right after I took a photo of the machine I was told that there are no photos allowed, even if they are only of yourself.

I’ve had a few mammograms before so I knew what I was in for and was prepared for it. I bruise easily and because of some of the positioning for the machine I knew that it can hurt a little bit (not the squeezing part but having my shoulder pressed up against the machine) so I had taken a painkiller before my appointment to prepare. You do get a gown to wear, but I almost wondered why you just aren’t topless because you always have to keep taking the gown on and off for the different images. But I was trying to just be an easy patient and do exactly what the tech was asking me to do.

I don’t know if it was because I was more prepared this time or if things were just different but this mammogram went much easier than the other ones I’ve had. I still had bruising on me after it was all done, but that was to be expected with me. But it wasn’t as painful feeling pressed up against the machine. And the tech was really good at getting me in the position that they needed me in quickly. We only had to redo one of the images but it was my fault they had to do that. In the middle of one I was trying to hold in a cough and I know that I was shaking a bit.

I’m not totally sure how long the appointment took, but it was pretty fast and they were taking off my medical bracelet and telling me I could get dressed and leave before I was expecting it. I was glad I did it and it wasn’t a bad experience. None of the mammograms I’ve had were really bad experiences, but I think the more that I have the easier they will be. I know what I’m going to have to do and I can mentally plan better.

Even though I was expecting there to be nothing wrong with me, it was a nice relief when I got this email from my doctor a few days after the mammogram.

I’m not sure if I’m going to be doing them every year now that I’m closer to the recommended age for women to start getting them or if I will alternate between mammograms and MRIs, but I’m fine with whatever the plan is. I know that some people avoid medical testing because they are scared of what they will find out. For me, I’m more terrified of not knowing something is wrong with me (like my liver tumors). So getting these done makes me feel better and more sure that I am healthy.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Annual Appointment (or At Least I’m Getting Used To These) Default ThumbnailMRI Time (or Another Type Of Cancer Screening) Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailAnother Mom Update (or Almost All Done) Default ThumbnailFinding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game) Default ThumbnailGetting A Mammogram (or I Guess This Was A Rite Of Passage)

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