Tag Archives: dating

A Night Of Baseball (or Enjoying The Enthusiasm)

Posted on April 5, 2023 | 1 comment

I haven’t been going out every night, but I feel like I’ve been getting out more and more and I’m feeling less anxious about it. There are still some things that make me a bit hesitant or that I don’t know if I’m fully comfortable with, but I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to find things that have been fun and feel safe. And last week, I had another adventure that really was awesome.

I was supposed to go on a date to an outdoor rooftop movie thing, but the day before the venue emailed saying they had to cancel the event. They didn’t say why, but it wasn’t a weather thing. But the guy I was supposed to go out with and I still wanted to meet up so we tried to think of something fun to go do. We both thought about it during the day and we said we’d have a phone call after work to figure out our plan. And while I was trying to be inspired and think of fun ideas, I saw something online about how that day was the opening day for the Dodgers, and the next day there would be another game. I looked online at the tickets, and there were quite a few seats left and they weren’t horribly priced. So I added that to my list to discuss when we had our call. And we decided that going to the game would be something fun and since it was outside it would feel a bit safer than being inside with a lot of people.

I haven’t been to too many professional baseball games and it had been several years since the last time I went to see the Dodgers, but I always have fun when I go to the games. As I explain to people who ask me if I like to watch sports, I don’t really care about sports but I love enthusiasm. I think it’s a similar feeling to going to a musical with experiencing something with a group of people who are really excited to be there. And of all sports, I think baseball is probably the one I enjoy watching in person the most. At least I seem to understand the game the most.

When we looked at the ticket options online that evening, I was showing him the options for cheap seats. But he wanted to spend a little more so we could sit a bit closer to the game. I didn’t mind spending a bit more, and the tickets weren’t too expensive. And it ended up not mattering much because he bought the tickets and then didn’t let me pay him back.

The game was an evening game after work, and we got there a little after the game started due to traffic. We got a pretty good parking spot and were in the stadium quickly. We decided to get food before going to our seats but wanted to make sure we knew where our seats were first. And I guess I didn’t quite understand the seating chart because we were much closer to the field than I thought! I thought we were one level higher, but we were so close to the game and really could see the action!

I kept saying how I was so surprised at how close we were because it was just amazing to not be sitting far away. I usually am sitting in the outfield or much higher up. This felt like such a change from how I’ve experienced baseball games in the past.

The game was really fast, partially because of the new pitch clock and partially because there were no runs until almost the end of the game. There was one home run by the Dodgers and the energy of the crowd was truly electric. It was a moment that made me so grateful to be in that crowd that night and reminded me how much I love experiencing events like this.

Unfortunately, the Dodgers lost the game that night. But it was still fun to watch. And most games have some special thing happening, such as a giveaway or fireworks. And after this game, there was a drone show. I’ve seen drone shows on tv before, but never in person. And it was really neat seeing all the different formations they made in the sky above the stadium.

I know I’ve said this before, but I need to be better about doing things like this. Not just for dates that I go on, but with my friends as well. It would be pretty easy to organize going to a game with a friend or two and I think I’ll try to do that sometime this season. It doesn’t have to be too expensive to go if we sit up high and it can be a really nice way to spend an afternoon or evening. And even if we aren’t paying a lot of attention to the game, the energy there is great to be a part of and really helped me feel more connected to my city and others again.

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Default ThumbnailLet’s Go Dodgers (or A Night Out At The Game) Default ThumbnailThe World Series (or I Try Not To Be The Dumb Girl Asking Questions About Sports) Default ThumbnailBeing Socially Anti-Social (or An Observer At Game Night) Default ThumbnailA Night Of Magic (or Not Quite A Musical) Default ThumbnailA Tasting And Theater Night (or Enjoying A Fun Night Out) Default ThumbnailLast Minute Bowl Adventure (or A Very Hot And Humid Night Out)

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Getting What I’ve Asked For (or Maybe I Wasn’t Speaking Up Enough)

Posted on March 29, 2023 | Comments Off on Getting What I’ve Asked For (or Maybe I Wasn’t Speaking Up Enough)

I’ve said over and over again that I have learned so much about myself through my dating adventures. Sometimes I have learned good things and sometimes they are really difficult lessons that I have to work through. But I think that most of the time, even the difficult situations lead to positive changes and I feel like every experience that I’ve had in my past has led me to where I am today. It’s not an easy thing to go through, and I feel like anyone who is actively dating would say the same thing, but I also know that I’ve grown quite a bit and that I have been able to be better at a lot of different life skills through what has happened while dating.

One of the big things I’ve learned through dating is making sure that I really do speak up for myself. In the past, I have tried to not be a problem or be someone who doesn’t go along with others. That hasn’t gotten me what I wanted, but for whatever reason, I think I believed that I didn’t deserve what I wanted. It’s not easy to speak up in any situation, but I think with dating there is a little extra fear for me. I don’t want to scare someone off, but it’s taken time for me to understand that if I scare someone off by saying what I want, they aren’t the right person for me.

In a weird way, the pandemic helped me with doing this more because I had to be more selective with who I met. I had to make sure I wasn’t taking unnecessary risks, and if someone asked me to meet them somewhere that didn’t feel safe for me, I had to turn it down for my safety. I got really good at explaining why I wanted to meet someone outside versus in a bar and that was good practice for me since that didn’t feel as scary. But over time, I got better at explaining what I wanted with dating. I explained to the guys I was matching with that I wanted to go on dates with someone that wanted to go and do things, not just sit at home and watch tv. I want to find a partner to enjoy life with, not just someone to be around while I did my normal daily things. And while I was good about saying that’s what I wanted, I wasn’t good about enforcing that idea with the guys I was matching with. Someone might plan a fun first date, and then after that, they start saying they are tired and just want to come over and watch tv. And when I ask for more, nothing happens and that’s the end of me seeing them.

I don’t know if I’m getting better at enforcing what I want or if I’m meeting people who actually respect me more, but I’ve been having more luck recently with actually going on dates. I’ve had some really fun dates planned in the past week or so and it’s exactly what I’ve been hoping for. I have explained to them that I have been having fun going out and exploring LA, so I have expressed that I want this to continue. But it feels like for the first time I’m being heard when I say what I want.

And I’m also being heard in another way that I appreciate. I struggle with the fear that I’m going to be ghosted. I’ve been ghosted enough by guys that I have liked and thought I’d get to see again, and I always fear that someone will change their mind without telling me and they will disappear. I said that to someone that I went out with recently and explained that one way for me to be less anxious is for somewhat regular communication. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but just checking in via text every day or so can make me feel so much better. I worried by telling this guy that he would think I’m too much to deal with and he wouldn’t want to do this. But I’m pleasantly surprised that he completely understood and we’ve been having regular text conversations between dates. I spoke up about what I needed to not feel anxious and worried about what will happen, and now I don’t have to have a nagging fear in the back of my head that something has ended without me knowing.

I’m sure this sounds so basic to so many people and that I should have done this sooner. And I agree that I wish I had started speaking up sooner and also enforcing what I have asked for. But it’s scary for me to do that and I still always worry that someone will think I’m more trouble than I’m worth. But I’m glad that for now, I’ve been able to do that and I’m seeing some really positive results from my efforts.

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Rethinking Some Dating Memories (or Trying To Not Let New Information Affect My Past)

Posted on March 24, 2023 | Comments Off on Rethinking Some Dating Memories (or Trying To Not Let New Information Affect My Past)

With all the craziness that happens with dating, I have tried to stay as positive as possible. It’s not always possible, but it’s something that I make an effort to do. And I’m usually pretty good about letting people go once things end. I’m even getting better at doing that when I’m ghosted. I’m not perfect, but things haven’t been affecting me as much because I’ve realized that if they are the type of person to do that to me, they clearly weren’t the right person. And once something with a guy is over, I don’t usually think too much about them again.

There have been a few people from my past that have come back for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s because they want to see if I want to see them again and sometimes it’s because I find out more information about them that makes me think differently about our time together. I should know by now that these rarely turn into something good. And I have another example of that happening to me recently.

Without going into a crazy amount of details or specifics, I recently found out that someone that I was seeing a few years ago for a few months had another part of his life that I had no clue about. And this other part of his life was happening at the same time we were dating. He wasn’t a horrible person to me, but he was to others and I have read things about him that really shocked me. There’s no reason for me to not believe what I’m hearing now, but it surprised me to learn about this. If I really think hard about everything, I can see how things happened, and I’m grateful that I didn’t have the same experience with this guy.

My memories of him from years ago weren’t negative. Things ended, but they didn’t end for a dramatic or bad reason. But now, knowing what I know about what he was like while we were dating, I can’t help but feel like my memories from before are a bit of a lie. I’ve been thinking about everything he said and did and considering it from a different angle. I don’t need to analyze everything because the end result will still be that we ended and that’s that. But it’s just messing with my brain a bit realizing that my memories aren’t really real.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me. There was someone I was dating a while ago who lied to me about a lot. I found out after he and I ended that he was single when we met but got married and his wife had a baby during the time we were seeing each other on and off. I never knew he was married and if I did I never would have continued to see him. I hate that what I thought was one type of relationship was really something else. I never agreed to be someone’s affair partner, but that’s what I was turned into. That felt like a bit of a betrayal, but I also knew that it was something I would have to work out on my own since I wasn’t going to talk to him about what I found out. It took a little bit of time, but I am past it. I won’t forget what he did or the lies he told, but I don’t feel like I need to figure out anything else at this point. It is what it is and fortunately, I rarely think of him anymore.

I’m working through this new information on my own again. I’ve done it before and I just have to do it again. I have no intention of reaching out to this guy from my past, mainly because I don’t really care what he says or what his excuses are. There’s nothing that he could say that would make me feel better about the situation, he could only make me feel worse. And I don’t know a lot of details at this point and I don’t want to find out any more.

I never want to assume any guy that I go out with will be a bad person or that I will find out later that they are not who I thought they were. If I thought like that, I doubt I would have the motivation to keep dating. And I’m lucky that this isn’t a situation I’ve encountered that often. Most of the time, my dating experiences are positive or neutral. Or if they are bad, I can find the positive in them or find something to laugh about. I don’t know if I’ll be able to reflect back on this guy in my past in a positive or neutral way going forward, but I will get over what I learned and how what I believed wasn’t really true.

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Getting Out In The World More (or Enjoying An LA Museum)

Posted on March 23, 2023 | Comments Off on Getting Out In The World More (or Enjoying An LA Museum)

I’ve been saying over and over again that I need to get out more because I’m not being as social as I used to be. I still want to be cautious about where I’m going out since I’ve seen more and more friends get sick recently and I want to avoid that. But there are safer options that allow me to go out and do things but not be around a lot of people. I just haven’t been taking advantage of that. I’m trying to be better about making plans, but it’s not as easy for me as it used to be.

One great excuse I’ve had recently for getting out of my house more has been going on dates. I’m not dating as much as I was before the pandemic, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m being a lot pickier about who I meet and I’m also being more upfront about what I’m looking for and my standards. That may scare some guys off or make them not want to meet me, but I don’t mind that since I don’t want to keep wasting time. Even without as many dates as I used to have, I’m still pretty active on dating apps and making the effort to find those guys that I do want to meet up with. And I’m trying to be more flexible about where we meet since I typically go to the same few locations. But as long as the places they suggest are public and will have others around, I know that it should be somewhat safe. I do still give a friend all the information about where I will be, but I’m glad I’m allowing myself to be a bit more open-minded about where a first date might be.

Earlier this week, I had a first date somewhere I’ve never gone on a date and somewhere that I haven’t been in a very long time. LACMA is one of the bigger museums that is near me and I drive past it a lot. One of my first random drives at the start of the pandemic to just get out of my house was to go over by the museum since it’s pretty and I knew it would be a nice drive. I actually don’t remember the last time I had gone inside, but I feel pretty safe saying it’s been at least 10 years. So when the guy I was going to meet up with suggested it, I thought it sounded like a great idea.

We met after work and the museum was pretty empty because it was a member’s only night (and he is a member). It was nice to not feel crowded with a bunch of people and able to take our time looking at the different galleries. And there was a lot of really interesting art.

One of the first exhibits we went to was all about early computer and digital art. Some of the art was about text and some was computer drawings. It was really interesting to see how digital art started out and how it changed so quickly even when technology was still in its infancy. There were also some videos of early computer animation and the different techniques those artists used to make it work. We went through most of the galleries and a lot of the other sections were more traditional collections with paintings and pottery. I know the other galleries had themes to them, but to me I felt like they blended together a bit and I just was having a nice time walking around and looking at the different pieces.

I think I forgot how nice it can be just walking around a museum. I haven’t done that in a long time, way before the pandemic started. And there are so many museum options around LA that I should check out. Most of them are ones I haven’t been to at all, and I should look into when they have free nights or other specials so I can get a list together and not have to worry if I’m having money stress at that time. I know those free nights can be more crowded, but that might be something I just have to force myself to be ok with.

I should be more proactive about going out and doing things on my own, but I’m glad I had a date that got me out of my usual routine and helped me remember that there are so many things in LA that I should be taking advantage of.

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Updating Some Dating Apps (or Needing To Take More Photos Of Myself)

Posted on March 9, 2023 | Comments Off on Updating Some Dating Apps (or Needing To Take More Photos Of Myself)

When I was setting up my profiles on dating apps several years ago, I was very careful about what photos I added to them. I wanted to make sure they were good photos of myself, but also photos that really represented who I am and what I look like. I know some people might say to not do full-body photos since you might get more matches, I’d prefer to represent my authentic self so nobody is surprised if we meet up. I’ve gone on plenty of first dates where I didn’t see my date at first because they look nothing like their photos. I didn’t want anyone to accuse me of doing that.

I tried to change up some of the photos from time to time, especially if I got a new photo that I really loved. I don’t think I’ve changed how I look too much in the last few years, but I still want to keep more recent photos in my profile if possible. I didn’t always change all the photos, but I would change one or two at a time if I had a new favorite. But I did always try to make sure I had at least one full-body shot and that any closer photos or selfies didn’t have weird angles where I looked drastically different.

I haven’t changed my photos that much in the past few years because I haven’t felt like I’ve had many photos that I loved. But that was also because I just wasn’t taking photos when I was isolated at home. I would take some random ones from time to time to send to friends, but they weren’t photos that I would want to put onto a dating app. I don’t think a photo of me in my tiny living room while attempting to work out would be the best representation of myself. They did show my personality, but they weren’t flattering because I didn’t really care how I looked in those photos.

But earlier this week, I just was starting to get sick of the endless cycle I feel like I’ve gotten into with dating apps. I will match with people, message them for a while, and they will either ghost me or we’ll go on a date or two and that’s where it ends. It’s hard to not be frustrated when it seems like the same things happen over and over again. I have tried to change things that are within my control, such as not tolerating messaging that crossed a line instead of just trying to see what happens.

I changed up a profile a bit, but since I actually really love what it says I didn’t make a lot of changes. But I tried to make things a bit clearer. And when I went to try to change out photos, I started searching back in my photos for which ones I could include instead of the ones I already use. And I just don’t have many photos of myself from the past year. I have a few, but most of those have already been added to my profiles before. Or I have group photos, but they aren’t the most flattering or easiest to see me in and I don’t want someone seeing a photo but they can’t find me in it or it will turn them off.

I used to take more photos when I would do things out with friends like go to Disneyland. And since I’m not doing stuff like that anymore, I just don’t feel like taking photos when I’m out that have me in them. I have a lot of photos of going out to fun dinners or shows, but they don’t have me in them. I need to get better about asking friends to take photos of me or I need to just stage a little photo shoot in my place using a tripod and setting up my phone. I want to be able to replace more of the photos that I’ve been using for a while. I know that changing up a dating app profile can help more people see you, but it’s not just for that reason. I just want it to feel like it accurately represents me now and not just what I was like a few years ago.

Of course, I still think in the back of my mind that maybe I’ll meet the right person before I go through this effort and change things up, but I also know that sitting back and hoping for things to happen isn’t the best way to go about life. I need to make an effort, and hopefully taking more photos and changing up my profiles will be a good enough effort for me to have some different results.

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Celebrating The Love In My Life Today (or There Is More Than Just Romantic Love)

Posted on February 14, 2023 | Comments Off on Celebrating The Love In My Life Today (or There Is More Than Just Romantic Love)

I haven’t always enjoyed Valentine’s Day. It can be tough when you are in school and never have a boyfriend or someone who likes you. Even as an adult, there can be so much out there implying that if you are single there is something wrong with you. I’ve never had a significant other on Valentine’s Day, and this year is no different. I’ve had random dates that happen to be on February 14th, but they aren’t necessarily Valentine’s dates. And I guess there is still a chance for that to happen this year, but I’m okay not doing anything special tonight.

But just because I don’t have a boyfriend or someone I’m seriously dating this year doesn’t mean that my life is lacking love. I have spent several years realizing that love and relationships go beyond just the romantic ones. I really hate when a guy asks me on a date about my longest relationship, but I’m always tempted to ask if it has to be a romantic one. I’ve maintained platonic friendship relationships for decades before. I think that should count for something. And in the same way, the love I have from friends and family counts as me being loved.

Yes, I know it’s not exactly the same, but when I’m having low moments and wondering if I’m unloveable, I have to remember that there have been people who have loved me for a long time and that proves that I’m worthy of being loved. I am so lucky to have amazing people in my life who are so willing to help me out when I need it and that is showing love. When I was sick and needed cold medicine but didn’t feel safe to drive, my friend didn’t hesitate to help me out and she even went to 4 stores to find me what I needed. When I needed someone to drive me to a medical thing, I’ve always found a friend who would take me and even wait if the procedure took a bit of time. Even with things that I wasn’t going to ask my friends to help me with, like moving, I had so many people offer to help if I didn’t want to hire a moving truck.

When bad things have happened, I can call so many different people and have a sympathetic ear. I might not reach out as much as I should, but I also know that if I did reach out that there are people who love me and would do whatever they could for me. And I would do the exact same thing for them. I’ve always told friends that they could call me any time day or night if they need me, and I know I have the same ability to call them. Some of these friends don’t live close to me, so I can’t necessarily rely on them if I need help in person, but I still know they are there for me.

I do still want romantic love in my life and that is still something I’m actively looking for, but I don’t believe that my life is lacking love. I might not have every type of love right now, but I’m not missing love in general. And I’m choosing to celebrate all the love that I do have in my life today because it is important to recognize any love you are lucky enough to have. And I hope that if next Valentine’s Day I am in a relationship, I still remember to celebrate other types of love. All love is always important to have and celebrate, not just on Valentine’s Day. But this is a good remember to take some time and reflect on that because I know I don’t appreciate all the love I have as much as I should.

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Grateful That I Have Some Good Dates Mixed In With The Crazy Ones (or Finding New Places In My Neighborhood)

Posted on February 2, 2023 | Comments Off on Grateful That I Have Some Good Dates Mixed In With The Crazy Ones (or Finding New Places In My Neighborhood)

I definitely have more bad dating stories than I have good dating stories. A lot of the bad stories are about guys I’ve never met, but who are creeps while messaging me, and then I have to unmatch or block them. Fortunately, they out themselves as creeps before I waste too much time on them or make an effort to meet them in person. But of the dates that I actually go on, they still tend to be more negative than positive. Even sometimes the good dates end as not-good dates because there’s not going to be a second date for whatever reason. It’s always disappointing when I think it’s a good date and then the guy says that he doesn’t see a romantic future with me. But I know that it is a numbers game and that eventually, I’ll meet someone good.

And as I’ve said before, at least my bad dating stories give me something funny to write about. The book I wrote about dating is mainly filled with the bad and crazy dates I’ve been on. I’ve written about some of the good ones because I learned some great lessons from those too, but they tend to not be entertaining.

But I also have stories that are about dating but not specifically about the guys I’ve met. I have a section in the book about how dating has allowed me to go to some really fun places around LA. Even after living here for over 20 years, there are so many places I’ve never been to and sometimes they are really amazing and cool. And over the past year, I’ve been learning how there are some hidden gems in my own neighborhood that I’ve never been to either.

I’ve lived in my current neighborhood for 13 years now. And before that, I lived only a mile away from where I am now. So since 2004, I’ve been within a pretty close radius and I feel like I’ve had a lot of time to explore my little part of LA. But there are always places that I just have never been to or places that are new that I haven’t been able to go to yet.

Whenever I have a date and we are meeting near where I live, I have the same few places that I suggest for a first date. They are always places that are very public, usually have others around, and I feel like I can be safe. Most of the time, I’m asked where the date should be. But sometimes the guy I’m meeting suggests the place and it’s somewhere I’ve never been. Before I agree to meet them there, I usually check to make sure that it seems safe. Most of the time, they are suggesting a bar I’ve never been to so it’s usually ok. There’s only one time I remember looking up the bar that was suggested and the reviews online were filled with women warning others that the staff seemed sketchy and they didn’t feel safe. But as long as it seems safe, I’ll agree to go there and it’s usually a fun adventure.

In the past year, I’ve gone to multiple bars that I’ve never been to or even heard of before. Some of them are somewhat close to where I live, but it makes sense that I’ve never been there before. But I had a date recently that suggested a bar that was maybe 10 blocks from my house and I had never heard of it. I’ve probably driven past that bar a thousand times over the years because it’s on a main street that I take several times a week. I couldn’t believe I never noticed a bar there or had been there before, but it was a fun adventure to get to check out a new place.

It was very unique inside but it was comfortable and didn’t feel like you were there to be seen or had to be on while you were sitting there. And there were booths to sit in so you didn’t have to be in the middle of everyone when it started to get a bit more crowded in there.

And the date I had there was a good date. Not just because I got to learn about a new to me place in my neighborhood, but that was a nice bonus. And if I need to suggest a bar in the future for a first date, I might suggest this place since it was fun (at least until karaoke started and it got a bit too loud).

Even if things with this guy don’t move beyond the date we had, at least it was a good date and a positive one to remember when things get crazy or I start to feel a bit hopeless in the endless swiping on the apps. Good dates like this one help me to keep going and remember that not everyone will be a bad date. And I just have to keep going and hoping I’ll find the right guy soon enough. But until then, I guess I’ll just have to look forward to maybe learning about more places near my house that I never would have discovered otherwise.

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Sometimes I Need To Be Ok Not Being Polite (or Knowing The Value Of My Time)

Posted on January 25, 2023 | 1 comment

My journey with dating has taught me so many lessons over the past few years. I’ve learned to stand up for myself a lot more, which has really helped me to not waste as much time as I did in the past. I don’t try to play cool about things and speak up if I want something that doesn’t seem to be happening. I might not have as many dates now as I did a few years ago, but they tend to be better dates. Or at least they are dates with guys who claim to be looking for the same thing as what I’m looking for. They aren’t always good dates and there have been guys who have lied to me, but I’m very upfront about what I want and I’m not worried I’ll scare someone away. The right person will not be scared off.

I’ve also learned that I don’t have to tolerate bad dates or bad messages on apps. If someone starts to send me messages that are inappropriate or make me uncomfortable, I don’t have to see if things will get better unless I think that maybe there is some miscommunication. I will unmatch with someone without worrying that could be rude when I’m not ok with messaging with them anymore. Because I don’t give out my phone number until I meet someone in person, I haven’t had to block too many people from being able to call or text me, but I’m starting to be more ok with that and I have had to block one person from my past. But fortunately, since I don’t give out my number too quickly, I don’t think I will have to do that too often.

But it’s much easier for me to end bad or unwanted messages than it is for me to end a bad date. I’ve walked away quickly from a handful of dates, but it tends to be when something pretty extreme happens that makes me feel very uncomfortable or worried about my safety. For other bad dates where I might just be uneasy, I usually end up looking at my watch and trying to find a graceful way to leave. If it’s been an hour, that seems like a reasonable amount of time to leave a first date. Or if my phone is buzzing, I might lie and say that something came up and I needed to go. But I still try to be polite when possible even if I’m leaving a date very quickly.

Over this past weekend, I had a first date with someone new. It was during the day, which is a rare first date for me but I was happy to not be out at night when it’s been a lot colder. We were going to meet at my usual first date spot, which is an outdoor seating area near where I live. I like that location since it’s in public and there are always people around. Plus there are options to get something to eat or walk around if we decide to do so. I do prefer to meet closer to where I live so I don’t have to drive that far. And this time, my date was driving somewhat far to meet me. I usually try to only meet someone who lives a reasonable distance from me, but this guy was willing to come to my side of LA which was about an hour-long drive.

And from the beginning of that date, I knew it wasn’t going well. He said things that made me very hesitant. I tried to not judge him too quickly and thought maybe it was just nerves on his end that made him say things like that. But he continued to say things that made me realize quickly that we weren’t a good match. But because he drove over an hour to meet me, I really felt guilty ending the date quickly and tried to see if I could make it for about an hour. If he hadn’t driven that far, I probably would have ended things a lot sooner and that’s really what I should have done. But I guess I was lucky that he ended up storming off after about 15 minutes because when he asked me if I thought the date was going well I was honest and said I didn’t think we were a good match. He wanted me to explain why, and I was starting to feel more uncomfortable and I tried to just say it seems like we don’t have the same interests. I’m glad he ended up walking away so I could leave too.

I know that he drove a lot longer than the date lasted, but I’ve been in situations where I drove a lot longer than a date as well. I know it’s been a long process of learning how it’s ok to not always be polite, and I guess I found another of my weaknesses because I wanted to not feel bad about how long he drove. But at the same time, I was willing to waste an hour of my day on someone who wasn’t worthy of it. And that should have been important to me. I should have valued my time (and I guess his as well) and ended the date soon after I knew that it wasn’t going to work.

I don’t want to say that I will be able to do that the next time something like this happens to me, but I hope that I will remember what my time is worth and that I shouldn’t have to waste it.

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Doing Another Podcast (or Sharing Some Of The Less Fun Parts About Dating)

Posted on September 28, 2022 | Comments Off on Doing Another Podcast (or Sharing Some Of The Less Fun Parts About Dating)

I’ve been on a few podcasts to talk about my dating experiences before. I love getting to share stories, especially since I seem to have so many crazy ones! Some of the crazy stories are positive and some aren’t so great, but there is usually some comedy involved in my stories since I try to make the best of a situation as much as I can. I think because things could be so negative with what has happened on dates, I would be overwhelmed if I didn’t see the silly side of what has gone on before. For example, when I was walking from dinner to a movie with a date, he decided to unzip his pants and pee on the street. I was shocked and speechless, but I just decided to walk straight to my car and ignore him. I could talk about how disgusting that was and how horrified I was, but instead, I share about how ridiculous it was that a guy thought that was appropriate behavior.

But despite how I try to turn things into positive situations, there are some situations with dating that really can’t be made into something good or a funny story. I think most people, especially women, have stories that aren’t always easy to share or talk about. I hate that this is the reality for so many people, including myself, but it is. And some people choose to talk about those situations and others don’t. Whatever someone decides to do is the right decision and I would never pressure anyone to share a story that they don’t feel comfortable sharing.

I have shared some of the more negative stories before, both here and on social media. I just don’t like to always focus on them. But sometimes it is important to share so others know that they aren’t alone in what may have happened to them. And I recently had that chance on a podcast where I discussed dating again. I’m not going to share too much about this podcast since it was done anonymously. I wouldn’t have minded putting my name to my story, but it wasn’t done that way and I’m totally ok with that.

I’m lucky that I haven’t had more really bad experiences with dating. Or maybe I’m a bit jaded and don’t always realize some experiences are as bad as they are. Either way, I know that most of the time, dating isn’t too horrible. I might not love being ghosted or having guys tell me one thing and do another, but those are small annoyances compared to some of the bad things that could happen on dates. I do take a lot of measures to be safe, but that doesn’t always protect someone. One of the bad experiences I had was while sitting in a public bar with people around me. The other time was someone who I had met up with multiple times and thought I could start to trust, but I was wrong. I know that in those situations, I didn’t do anything wrong. There is nothing I did to cause things to happen to me. These men chose their own actions and behaviors and they are not a reflection of me and my behaviors. And that’s the main point I wanted to get across when I was interviewed for this podcast.

There are some things that I blame myself for, but I know I’m not really to blame. Maybe I could have tried to leave the situation sooner, but I can’t see the future so I had no way of knowing what was ahead. There are times when I know that trying to leave would make a situation worse, so I have had to be careful about my choices. But I never felt like my choices were to blame for someone else’s behavior. There have been times I have put more blame on myself than others or I start to go over every detail to see what I could have done wrong, but every time I do that it just confirms that I didn’t do anything that would make something my fault.

Hopefully, when people listen to this podcast, they will not feel alone. Too many people have had similar stories, but because not everyone shares about it, people can feel like it might just be something that affects them. But I also hope that people listening will also know that these experiences are not representative of dating as a whole. Most of the time, the guys I go out with are decent people. I might not want another date with them, but that doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Sometimes you just don’t click with someone or you realize you don’t have chemistry or things in common. And that’s totally fine and doesn’t make me think differently of them in any way more than maybe a superficial level.

It’s never easy to share stories that aren’t positive, but I also do feel empowered and a bit more in control when I’m able to share what happened to me because it is my story to tell and I have every right to do so.

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Working On Setting Boundaries (or I Just Have To Be Ok With Ending Things With People Who Can’t Respect Me)

Posted on September 15, 2022 | Comments Off on Working On Setting Boundaries (or I Just Have To Be Ok With Ending Things With People Who Can’t Respect Me)

On top of all the physical stuff I’ve been going through this week, this week has been emotionally draining on me as well. I guess it’s good that everything so far has been on a single day, but that made Tuesday this week so much tougher for me to get through.

The day started off with a text from the guy that I had written about recently who I tried to date again. I really thought things were finally done. I pointed out that we want different things in life and that there would not be a compromise. And honestly, even if he changed his mind and said he would be all in for a relationship if I’d consider it at this point. He has already said things that make me feel like he doesn’t respect me and has been saying things to trick me into believing things about him. But once he showed his true colors, I no longer was interested in continuing things and made that very clear.

One of the things that was so frustrating about him is that he would always text me in the middle of the night to see if I was still up and if we could meet up. He knew I hated this but he continued to do it. I assumed after our phone call when I was clear and said there was no point to continue things that those texts would stop. But I got one at 1am on Tuesday morning and it didn’t have an apology for his behavior or anything else. It was like he was acting that nothing happened and he thought I would just forget about what we said and would just change my mind about what I wanted. I debated about not responding, but I decided to tell him that we were not going to play this game anymore and that we were done. His response was that we were going to keep playing this game.

And I can’t explain why this triggered me so much, but it was a glass-breaking moment for me where I could see that it was so much more than just him having a lack of respect for me. It felt like he was saying he knew better and that he was going to keep trying to get me to change to be what he wants with no regard for my feelings. And I felt more than ever that there was no chance for anything positive to happen in my life from knowing him or texting with him. So I told him that I would be blocking him and I said goodbye.

I really haven’t blocked many people I knew on my phone. I don’t know why I’m so hesitant to block people, but it’s always been something that I don’t want to do to anyone. But in this case, I knew he was going to keep texting and trying to get me to go along with him. And I didn’t want to see those texts coming up on my phone. He might not believe that he’s blocked and I know that he might still think his texts are going through, but I won’t have to see them again and I feel a bit better about that.

And if that wasn’t enough for the day, later in the afternoon a guy who was a friend of mine accused me of fearmongering because I posted online about how some Republicans are pushing for a nationwide abortion ban and how dangerous that could be. I knew he wouldn’t believe it if I showed him that CNN reported on that story, so I sent him the Fox News article.

This friend and I have known each other for over 10 years and we have always disagreed about abortion rights. He thinks there is never a reason for an abortion and that if people stopped having sex outside of marriage that nobody would need to end a pregnancy. I am very pro-choice and believe that people have a right to end a pregnancy for a multitude of reasons. Even though we have disagreed on this issue, we have always had respectful debates with each other.

But this time was different. He was being very hateful toward me and saying that I don’t care about dead babies because I never post about that. I wasn’t in the mood to start a new debate and how allowing abortions is not the same as wanting babies to die, so I told him that I wasn’t going to continue this conversation at this time. But he continued on and was saying how nobody should have an abortion and how wrong they were. I asked again for him to please stop and to respect my boundaries about talking about this more. And he made a joke about me needing a safe space and told me to block him.

And I blocked him on all social media after that comment. It wasn’t about him believing that nobody should have an abortion even if their life is at risk. He can have that belief all he wants. But a true friend would have respected me asking to not continue a conversation. Imagine if you were talking to someone who had a family member who was killed and you kept asking for more details about their death. And when they asked you to stop asking about things, you made fun of them and told them that you would only stop if they forced you to. That’s so disrespectful to anyone, let alone a friend. And I just can’t picture myself having a friend who thinks that me asking for a conversation to end is something to laugh about and that they should push me further.

Between the blocking in the morning and in the afternoon, I felt so broken. I couldn’t understand why I was being stepped over by these people who claimed to have respect for me. Why were my boundaries ignored by them and not considered? I know that the way these two men treated me isn’t representative of how others treat me, but at that moment it did feel that way. And my heart was hurting because of that.

I talked with a friend while I was upset and she helped to calm me down and see that I shouldn’t keep people in my life who treat me this way. I have ended friendships before when we’ve drifted apart, but this just felt so much more dramatic than that. And I was struggling because I was questioning how someone could have actually respected me in the past if this is the way they treated me now. I questioned if they ever respected me or always felt like this about me. But I know that at this point, it doesn’t matter. Again, someone showed their true colors and feelings about me and I don’t have to tolerate it just because we have known each other for so long.

I think I’m going to still be working through some of these feelings for a bit longer because it hit me so hard. The end of the friendship was worse, but they both really pushed me emotionally. But I also know that I want to keep people in my life that love and support me, and the way these men acted did not show that and that means I don’t have to keep them in my life. It’s hard to set these boundaries with people, especially when I’ve been a people pleaser for a long time, but I’m glad that I did do it this time because I will be better for it.

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