Posted onJuly 17, 2020|Comments Off on Social Media Reminders (or Another Thing To Celebrate)
I try to keep track of anniversaries, birthdays, and other things I want to celebrate in my calendar. I like to know when things are coming up so I can buy presents or cards. And I like having fun things on my calendar. It’s like why I like getting random fun things in the mail. It adds something positive to my life. Getting a card in the mail when I normally just get bills is so nice. Same with knowing a friend’s birthday is coming up when my calendar is usually just filled with work and appointments.
But I don’t remember to track everything or I don’t think all things need to be in my calendar. And things that I probably wouldn’t have thought about as much in normal times mean so much more to me now. I want to celebrate everything and anything I can. I even am finding myself celebrating when I don’t see a line at the grocery store or everything I want is in stock. I never thought that would be something to celebrate, but these days it really is!
I’m glad I can find little things to celebrate most days. And sometimes, I figure out what to celebrate because of social media and an alert about a memory that I posted. And earlier this week, I got a reminder about a memory that means so much to me.
This wine party was something that I was invited to attend, and even though I’m not a big drinker I totally wanted to go. I have always wanted to learn more than wine (even now when I’m not drinking I wish I knew more) and this party was being held at a bar I love. So my friend Kate and I made plans to go. And when I wrote the post about it and posted this photo on social media, that’s what I wrote about.
But the story behind this photo is a lot more. The day I went to the party and took this photo was also the day my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She called me a few hours before the party to tell me. And I broke down hard after that call. I remember calling Kate to tell her and she asked me if I still wanted to go to the party. I said that I would because it would be a good distraction. It was, but I also know that I was still in shock and a bit numb because I don’t remember much about that night.
So when this memory came up on Facebook, I immediately thought that that night. But then I remembered something else. My mom told me that when people say they’ve been cancer-free for a certain number of years, that number is based on when they were diagnosed (I’m not sure why, but that’s how it is). So this memory coming up from 7 years ago also meant that my mom has been cancer-free for 7 years!
I know that 7 years cancer-free isn’t a huge milestone like 5 years cancer-free is, but it’s still a huge thing to celebrate! I called my mom after I saw that memory pop up so I could tell her congratulations on being cancer-free for so long. Doing that was a highlight of my week. I’m so glad that my mom had amazing doctors and got the treatments that she needed so she could stay cancer-free for this long. I know she stays on top of monitoring things and it’s a relief to us all when she gets a clean bill of health.
I’m so grateful that Facebook reminded me of one of the weirdest nights of my life because it also allowed me to celebrate something else this week. I really appreciated the reminder because I don’t know if I would have remembered on my own and this is something that I for sure what to celebrate!
Posted onSeptember 5, 2018|Comments Off on More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)
Heads up to everyone: Just like with my IUD post, this post is a frank and honest discussion about a biopsy I had done. If the idea of reading about medical procedures or female health makes you uncomfortable or squeamish, you might want to skip this post.
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of random medical conditions and medical tests. I joke to my parents that this has happened to me because I was raised in a family that worked in the medical field so somehow everything seems to happen to me. More often than not, I’m not that concerned about what I find out because I can talk to my parents and get a lot of answers. The only thing that really scared me recently was my tumor, but everything else has been something I just viewed as something new to experience and not something to be fearful of what I will find out.
Last year at my annual appointment with my OB/GYN, I had all the regular tests run as I try to stay on top of all health things including my reproductive health. Everything came back fine, but my OB/GYN let me know that I tested positive for high-risk HPV. For those of you who don’t know that is, here’s some quick information about it (for more information, check out this page). High risk HPV is not the type that can give you warts (that’s low risk HPV). High risk HPV is something that approximately 90% of women will get at one point (currently there is no test for men to see if they have it, but I’d bet numbers are similar). It is contracted by skin to skin contact and a majority of people will fight it off on their own in 1-3 years. If you can’t fight it off, it can lead to cancer but HPV only causes about 3% of cancer in women.
I have no idea who exposed me to this, but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not that big of a deal and it’s normally not something to worry about. I did have the HPV vaccine when I was 24, but that doesn’t protect you against all strains of high risk or low risk HPV. That’s why it’s so important to get checked every year to make sure you are fine. When I was told about this last year, I also knew my Pap smear came back normal so it wasn’t something we had to take action on immediately. My OB/GYN let me know that if my body didn’t fight it off in a year then we would have some more steps to take.
And as much as I would have loved for my body to fight it off within a year, I knew that with my history and the odds I seem to have that it wouldn’t be the case. And I was right. I tested positive for it again with another normal Pap smear. But because my OB/GYN wants to make sure that everything is fine with me and I want to do what I need to do to make sure I’m healthy, I had my first biopsy last week.
I was very fortunate that not only do I have an amazing OB/GYN who is super open and honest with me and could tell me everything I needed to, I was able to talk to my parents about this as well as some friends who have had it done. I knew that this was not being done because my doctor was worried about me but as a precaution to make sure there is nothing we need to watch (kind of the same reason I get mammograms). I still was nervous that this would hurt, but I had been told by friends that getting an IUD was worse so I knew I would be fine with just some painkillers and I could drive myself.
While I wasn’t scared for the results, I was nervous about the procedure and the room I was in for it seemed a bit scarier that the normal exam room to me.
But there wasn’t really anything too scary. I think it was more of being in a room that I hadn’t been in before and the unknown factor. I joked to my doctor that of course she put me in the scary room but she calmed me down quickly and we got started with the biopsy.
The procedure only took a few minutes and it wasn’t that bad. After getting the speculum in, my cervix was washed with a vinegar solution that helps make the cells easier to see. This didn’t hurt and wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just a bit cold. Then my doctor used a colposcope to see my cervix better. The colposcope is a machine that helps to illuminate and magnify things for your doctor. That was also when my doctor decided which biopsies I would need. She determined that I would not need the biopsy where they take a sample from the bottom of my cervix to check the cells as everything looked normal. Then we moved on to the biopsy I did have done.
The biopsy I had took cells from the inside of my cervix where you really can’t see the cells during the exam. There was a small tool used to scrape some of the cells off, similar to what is done during a Pap smear. But this was a little bit longer so I was prepared for it to be more than a tiny pinch. I knew it probably wouldn’t hurt, but of course I was worried that it would. But my friends were right and it didn’t hurt. I did feel it and it was a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t say it was painful. I described it to my doctor as almost like a headache or scratch happening inside my body. It was about 10 seconds long and then that was done. I did feel a bit of a cramp when I sat up after the biopsy and I had some cramps for the next few days, but it wasn’t bad and I didn’t really need painkillers for that long.
Because my Pap smears have been normal and everything looked normal with the visual exam, my doctor is expecting my biopsy to come back normal as well. And if that happens, I go back in a year for my normal exam and hopefully my tests will show that my body has fought off the high risk HPV. And even if the biopsy shows that there are mild abnormality in the cells, I don’t have to go back for a year. It’s only if they appear severely abnormal that I would go back soon for another test. But again, that is not something my doctor is expecting because of all the normal test results I have had.
I should be getting my biopsy results back in the next few days (things were delayed because of the weekend and holiday). And hopefully next year all my tests will come back normal so I don’t have to do another biopsy. But if I do, at least I know what it’s like now and I don’t need to be scared. And I know that for most people hearing a test result isn’t normal or negative can be scary. I wanted to share my experience so others can know it doesn’t need to be. While I don’t love having random medical things happen to me, I’m glad that I can share on here so hopefully someone else going through it can see what I went through and can stop feeling as scared.
Because I am now considered high-risk for breast cancer (even though my mom’s cancer was when she was a little older), I get more cancer screenings than most women my age. About 4 years ago I had my first mammogram. And 2 years ago I had my first breast MRI (my mom’s type of breast cancer is only seen on an MRI). Because of my mom’s age when she was diagnosed and my age now, it’s been a bit up in the air of how often I need to get screenings and what types of screenings they will be. But I do trust my doctor and I go with the plan that she feels is best for me.
When I was at my appointment recently, we went over the cancer screenings I’ve had before and she felt like I should get a mammogram this year. I don’t think anyone looks forward to getting a mammogram, but I was fine getting one because I know that it is important for me to be monitored. I am not scared that I will have cancer, although that is always a possibility because I have friends my age with no family history who found out they had breast cancer. But it’s always a bit nerve-racking whenever you do a medical test for something that is a bit more serious than just checking cholesterol or other more routine tests.
When I called to schedule my mammogram, they happened to have an opening the next day right after I was done with work. That was pretty convenient and there was no need for me to drag things out so I took that appointment before someone else did. And because you never know how late appointments will be, I went there prepared to wait and had my book with me.
I ended up being a bit stupid and mixing up the time I needed to be there. I thought they said I had to be there at 3:15 (for a 3:45 appointment), but they actually said to be there 15 minutes early. But I guess getting there early is better than late. So I got checked in, got my medical bracelet, and headed down to the room in the radiology waiting area that is specific for mammograms. I didn’t get a photo of the waiting room because there were other people in there, but I have to say that they have a much nicer waiting room now! And it’s better than the MRI waiting room too! I kept looking around and checking things out so I didn’t end up reading my book that much before I was called to go back.
I really wanted to get some photos while I was in there, but right after I took a photo of the machine I was told that there are no photos allowed, even if they are only of yourself.
I’ve had a few mammograms before so I knew what I was in for and was prepared for it. I bruise easily and because of some of the positioning for the machine I knew that it can hurt a little bit (not the squeezing part but having my shoulder pressed up against the machine) so I had taken a painkiller before my appointment to prepare. You do get a gown to wear, but I almost wondered why you just aren’t topless because you always have to keep taking the gown on and off for the different images. But I was trying to just be an easy patient and do exactly what the tech was asking me to do.
I don’t know if it was because I was more prepared this time or if things were just different but this mammogram went much easier than the other ones I’ve had. I still had bruising on me after it was all done, but that was to be expected with me. But it wasn’t as painful feeling pressed up against the machine. And the tech was really good at getting me in the position that they needed me in quickly. We only had to redo one of the images but it was my fault they had to do that. In the middle of one I was trying to hold in a cough and I know that I was shaking a bit.
I’m not totally sure how long the appointment took, but it was pretty fast and they were taking off my medical bracelet and telling me I could get dressed and leave before I was expecting it. I was glad I did it and it wasn’t a bad experience. None of the mammograms I’ve had were really bad experiences, but I think the more that I have the easier they will be. I know what I’m going to have to do and I can mentally plan better.
Even though I was expecting there to be nothing wrong with me, it was a nice relief when I got this email from my doctor a few days after the mammogram.
I’m not sure if I’m going to be doing them every year now that I’m closer to the recommended age for women to start getting them or if I will alternate between mammograms and MRIs, but I’m fine with whatever the plan is. I know that some people avoid medical testing because they are scared of what they will find out. For me, I’m more terrified of not knowing something is wrong with me (like my liver tumors). So getting these done makes me feel better and more sure that I am healthy.
Posted onJuly 11, 2018|Comments Off on Celebrating My Mom (or She Hit A Big Milestone)
It’s been a long time since I’ve written about my mom’s cancer on here. And that’s for a good reason. My mom had surgery, chemo, and radiation and she was declared cancer-free after her treatments. She still has sporadic appointments to get checked out and for other things, but she hasn’t needed any further treatments beyond her original treatment plan!
When my mom was originally diagnosed, there was a lot of information coming at us to understand what all of this meant. Even though my entire family is in medicine, cancer was a new things for us all and there was so much that we didn’t know. And there was plenty that my parents knew that they didn’t necessarily tell me. We never discussed survival rates because we also knew that it really didn’t mean much. I’ve had medical situations that were 1 in a million so even if the survival rate was 1% my mom could be the 1% that survives (I think it’s really closer to 75% but I’m not too sure).
The one thing that we did know was that getting to the 5 year mark was important and a good sign. We didn’t realize that the anniversary date is from the date of diagnosis before my mom got treatment. I guess I always figured 5 years cancer free means 5 years from when doctors declare you cancer-free. But it’s really a 5 year survival marker which is 5 years of surviving past diagnosis. It makes sense thinking about it now, but I remember at first that it was a weird idea.
Well, today marks 5 years for my mom! It seems like forever ago that my mom was diagnosed and that I felt so overwhelmed by the news. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I found out from my mom. It was a day that for several hours I wondered if I imagined hearing the news. And I had an event to go out to that night that I really couldn’t skip out on and I felt so weird trying to put on a happy face. I remember sitting at home with a friend the day my mom had surgery (she didn’t want me to come up because there would be delays in the surgery schedule) and waiting on the news that she was out of surgery and it went well. I was so surprised when it was my mom who Facetimed me and my friend and I both told her how amazing she looks after surgery. Her hair looked better coming out of surgery than my did that day!
I remember seeing my mom’s scar for the first time and the first time I saw her without her hair and her wig. I rarely saw her without her wig, but she did show it off to me once. And I remember celebrating every milestone that she hit like when she was done with chemo and when she was done with radiation. And now I get to celebrate her again!
The 5 year mark is a big one but it’s not a guarantee. My mom will always be at risk for the cancer coming back, but it’s much less likely now that she made it 5 years. It’s a milestone that I know we have all been looking toward for so long. Even though in a way it doesn’t matter because she has been fine since her treatments, I’ve been waiting for the 5 year mark so that I could breathe a little easier. Somehow now, it seems more likely that we won’t have to worry about this any more. I know things can change, but this feels like we don’t have to think about it as much.
I have had several friends in the past 5 years get a cancer diagnosis and I know they are all looking toward the 5 year mark. And while all of my friends have been amazing how they’ve handled things and almost all of them have completed their treatments, my mom is still the most incredible person I know who has gone through treatments. The way she handled herself and was able to support our family as well when we were all having tough moments is so inspiring. I know that even with me dealing with my non-cancerous tumors, I wasn’t as amazing as she was and I wasn’t dealing with anything nearly as serious.
I guess the next milestone would be 10 years cancer-free, but that’s never been something I’ve really thought about as far as my mom not having to worry about cancer anymore. Getting to 5 years has been something we’ve all talked about for so long and it’s such a relief that my mom has made it. While I haven’t thought about her cancer for a while, it has been in the back of my head. Now, I can just relax and keep feeling reassured that she is fine and that cancer is in her past.
Posted onOctober 19, 2016|Comments Off on An Overdue Friend Hangout (or A Medical Discussion Dinner)
There have been some friends that I haven’t gotten to see in a while. It’s a lot of issues with scheduling with all of our crazy schedules, but also time flies by and we forget how long it’s been. So when a friend of mine invited me to dinner recently and I realized it had been months since we had seen each other, I said yes right away!
This friend is someone who I used to see pretty much every week, but our schedules haven’t been matching up lately. She also had some medical things to deal with that prevented her from doing too much stuff. But we’ve stayed in touch through texting so when we got together, it felt like almost no time had passed!
We went out for Mexican food and I was a little nervous about it. I’ve been doing really well with my food lately and I didn’t want to eat too much or something that I shouldn’t (there was also another dinner coming up that I knew would be a splurge). Fortunately, neither of us cared to eat chips and salsa, so we didn’t get any for our table. Not having the chips in front of me made me feel a bit better about things since I didn’t have to stare at them or try to figure out if I should eat some. And I ordered fajitas, so I felt pretty confident that I made a good food choice and started to relax more.
Once we had ordered our food, our conversation became all about medical stuff. I was telling her about my MRI, and she shared all the stuff that she went through recently. She found out that she has the BRCA mutation (the breast cancer gene) and went through some stuff to make sure she stayed healthy. She had a double mastectomy and then reconstruction. I hadn’t seen her since her surgeries, and it was great to see her (also she looked amazing!). I’m not sharing her name because I don’t want to share her story for her, but she knows who she is and I’m so grateful that she is my friend.
She has been so open about everything that she has done so far and has always been more than happy to support me and share advice and tips. When I knew I’d be getting my MRI, she was one of the first people I contacted for advice and to find out anything I should be prepared for. She told me it wasn’t that big of a deal and let me know that I’d be fine. When she’s done additional genetic testing, she let me know so I could see if my mom did that testing. She’s not afraid to tell the truth about what she’s going through and I really appreciate that honesty.
I’m curious if anyone at the tables near us at dinner could hear our conversation. We were talking about a ton of medical stuff like surgeries, IV issues, scars, and other things that most people wouldn’t usually discuss. I’m totally used to it since growing up I heard lots of medical stuff over dinner when my parents were talking. I love that I have a friend who is able to be as chill about talking medical things over food as I am.
We did discuss other stuff besides cancer and medical stuff like my workouts at Orangetheory, other mutual friends of ours that neither of us have seen in a while, and random comments about the people watching we were doing from our table. It was a really nice dinner and it made me realize that I should do dinners with friends more often when I can.
While we had a pretty quick dinner, it was the perfect thing for me that night. I needed to have some positivity in my week, and my friend did just that for me. I have been very set in my ways with my food, and I needed the push to go outside what I’ve been feeling have been safe foods (even though I splurged a bit at dinner, my weight wasn’t affected the way I was scared it would be). And I got some great advice about the cancer screenings I’ve been doing lately and how normal they really are so I shouldn’t be too worried about them.
Because I’m considered high risk for getting breast cancer since my mom had it, I do cancer screenings a lot earlier than most people do them. For the past 2 years, I’ve done mammograms. They aren’t fun to do, but I know I need to do them. There is a chance that I might not be doing them every year for the next few years, but that’s not yet decided.
But because my mom’s type of breast cancer wasn’t caught on a mammogram, there was some discussion that I would need to get a breast MRI in the near future. I got a letter from my mom’s geneticist that explained that a baseline test for me would be a good idea, and my doctor sent that to a geneticist at my hospital. And after my last appointment with my doctor, it was decided that getting a baseline MRI would be my cancer screening this year (it was instead of getting another mammogram).
I’ve had a MRI before for my hip. That wasn’t a great experience for me because I didn’t realize how loud the machine would be and how long I would be stuck in there. I also went into that MRI knowing that if my pain went away or decreased after the solution they used was injected into my hip, that was a clear sign that my cartilage was damaged and I would need surgery (the MRI was before I had a full diagnosis or treatment plan). I was out of pain within minutes of the injection, so I spent the entire MRI knowing that I would need surgery and that freaked me out a bit.
This time, things were very different for me. First of all, this MRI couldn’t be done at my hospital. Because breast MRIs require special equipment and they aren’t done that often, there is an imagining center that my hospital outsources them to. I’ve never had to do any procedures or appointments outside of the hospital that I go to, but I tried to think about it as a new adventure. I was able to get a Saturday appointment, so I went right after work this past weekend.
When I got to my appointment, I had a dozen or so papers I had to fill out. Most of them were pretty basic, but there were a few things that I had to think about (such as the dates of my mammograms and the date of my previous MRI). I was trying not to be nervous while filling out the forms, but I’ll admit that I was a bit shaky as I was trying to write.
After my forms were filled out, I waited for a bit for my name to be called, and then the tech that I was going to be working with brought me back to the changing area. For my last MRI, I had to be naked under the gown (they needed full access to my hip for the injection) so I just assumed this would be the same. I didn’t realize that if I had worn pants with no metal I could have kept them on. I should have worn yoga pants so I could have done that, but I wore jeans so I had to just wear the gown. Not a big deal, but something to keep in mind if any of you are going to get a breast MRI.
Next, the tech took me into the MRI room. They were able to arrange for me to have an open MRI machine since I do have issues with claustrophobia and I was grateful for that. The tech had me lay down face up on the bed for the machine so she could put the IV in my hand. I’ve said how much I hate needles and IVs are the same problem. I told the tech my issues and she was seriously amazing! She asked me if I knew any good or bad veins, and I showed her the vein that was used for both surgeries I’ve had before. She was able to get the IV in with one stick, and then she got ready to prep me for everything else.
For most MRIs, you lay on your back on a table that slides into the machine. For breast MRIs, you lay on your stomach on a ledge that is on top of the table. There are holes in the ledge for your boobs to go into (they want to keep the tissue separate from your body) and you have your arms out in front of you. It took a few tries for me to lay properly so that everything lined up ok, but the tech was really great again and helped me get into the position that was going to get the best images in the machine.
Right before I went into the MRI machine, I got my earplugs (you totally need those for MRIs) and the tech hooked up my IV to a machine. For the first part of the MRI, there would be some saline going into the IV. But about 2/3rds of the way though, there would be contrast going through my IV to get a different type of images. I tried not to think about the IV too much and was slid into the machine.
While I was face down, my face was close to the front of the room so I could see light. And they had a fan at the front and the back of the machine so there was air always moving around me. Some of the images took 5 minutes and some were shorter. Each time, the tech warned me how long the session would be and I tried to stay distracted or count down the time. It’s extremely loud inside of the machine, and since my hip MRI had my head out of the machine I didn’t realize it would be quite as loud as it ended up being. It wasn’t too bad (the sound was very muffled with the ear plugs) and I tried to use the variety of noises to distract me.
Then it was time for the contrast to go into my IV. My mom had warned me that the contrast sometimes hurts, but it was more uncomfortable than I expected. The contrast is a thicker liquid than the saline so it feels weird. It wasn’t unbearable or anything, but I think the shock of the feeling made it feel worse to me than it really was. As soon as the contrast was all injected into my IV (it was done by a machine and not the tech), the tech ran into the room and disconnected my IV so that I didn’t get anything else into my vein. That made the discomfort go away almost right away.
After the contrast went in, there were only a few more minutes inside of the MRI machine. And before I knew it, it was all done and the tech was pulling the table out of the machine so I could get up. She first had to remove the IV from my hand and bandage it up, but I was able to sit up within a few minutes of being done. My body didn’t hurt too much, but my abs were a bit sore because I think I was tensing my body up from time to time and that gave my core a bit of a workout.
I didn’t get any pictures of the MRI process. I was so tempted to ask the tech to take one while I was in the machine, but I didn’t want to distract her from her work or make her run behind with other patients. But I did take a picture in the dressing room after everything was done.
I felt really great after the MRI was done. I was so nervous about the IV and I made it through that. I was nervous what the MRI would be like or if I would have any issues, and fortunately I didn’t really have any problems. I haven’t gotten my results back yet, but I’m not too worried. This is just a baseline MRI so that future MRIs can be compared to it. I also know that MRIs (just like being young and getting mammograms) can have false positive results, so if I do hear back that there was something suspicious I’m not super concerned. There is no reason for me to believe that there is anything wrong with me and that’s the mindset I’m sticking with.
I know that having cancer screenings can be scary. You are terrified that they will find something and that’s why many people don’t do them. I totally understand that feeling, but I also know how important it is for me to be on top of my health and this is just a part of life for me now. I don’t know if I will be doing any more cancer screenings before I’m 40 (that will be up to my doctor and the geneticist to decide), but whichever way it goes I trust my doctors and that they are looking out for me.
Posted onOctober 6, 2016|Comments Off on Running For Cancer (or Health Supporting Health)
I’ve been a supporter of breast cancer research for a very long time. Even before my life was personally affected by it, I would do breast cancer walks and purchase things that donated a part of the profits to research. Once my mom was diagnosed, I started to do more research on what those donations go to and started to be a bit pickier (sadly, some of those organizations don’t really give much to research or charity). But the Susan G. Komen charity gives so much to programs and education so they are one charity that I’ve continued to support.
Through Sweat Pink Ambassadors, I was given the opportunity to run or walk miles for charity this month. I knew I’d be signing up to do it even before I knew what charities were going to be supported by it. And I was very happy to see that Susan G. Komen was one of the options to put my miles and donations toward. So I signed up and got ready to start tracking my miles!
Between my workouts and any runs I do on my own, I know I’ll get a bunch of miles this month. Going to Tahoe helped a lot too! This is a great motivation for me to keep up my workouts and doing as much as I can with my run/walks to get more and more miles on my counter.
But more importantly than the miles, I want to hit my fundraising goal of $250. I don’t think it’s a huge goal to have, but I know that money will be put to such great use. There is a lot known about breast cancer, but there is still so much more to learn and educate others about. I know that most people are aware of the BRCA gene mutation, but a lot of people don’t understand what that means or what choices they have if they find out they have the mutation. There are ways to stay on top of your health, but I know some people are scared to see what they may find out.
When I had my first mammogram, I was terrified. I knew I didn’t have a lot to worry about, but I was still scared. Since my mom’s cancer was when she was older, I don’t have that high of risk now. If her cancer is genetic, I probably wouldn’t get it until I was post-menopausal. But just because that cancer isn’t going to happen to a younger person doesn’t mean that I can’t have a different type of cancer. So the days leading up to my appointment were scary and I tried to avoid looking up things online since that always makes things worse.
The mammogram wasn’t fun (I was expecting it to hurt, but it hurt differently than I thought), but getting my clean bill of health was worth it. When I had my second mammogram, I wasn’t as scared as the first time and again I felt great finding out that I’m perfectly fine now. This year, I will be probably getting a breast MRI to check for cancer (I’ll write about that when if it happens) and again I am scared. But fortunately I have the knowledge and education to know what is happen and the slim likelihood that anything is wrong with me.
I’m fortunate that I was raised in a medical home and I know quite a bit about breast cancer now. I know what to expect and why I shouldn’t worry. But not everyone has that luxury and fear can make people put off medical testing. And putting off that testing can make cancer caught at a farther stage than it should have been. So I want to raise as much money as I can for Susan G. Komen to get more education out there and to help relieve the fear so more women will get their annual exams and tests.
I would love your support no matter how big or small. If everyone who reads this gives $1, I will be ecstatic! I promise to keep working this month to get more and more miles and I may add some challenge for each donation I get (maybe doing 10 burpees for each donation?). I just want to make sure I do whatever I can to help make breast cancer less scary and more treatable. I would love if the survival rate at any stage gets higher so more people can see their loved ones come through this disease with a smile on their face just like my mom did.
I recently had an opportunity to see an advance screening of “Miss You Already”. I was excited enough to go see a new movie, but this screening also had a Q&A with the director, Catherine Hardwicke, as well as with Toni Collette and Tyson Ritter, who are actors in the film. While going to screenings are a fairly regular occurrence through my union, my WIF membership, or other industry opportunities; this one ended up being very special for me.
The first thing that was so special about this screening was the casualness of the entire event. Usually when there is a screening with a Q&A, after the Q&A is done the cast and crew are whisked away by their publicists and other handlers and are in their cars before the audience gets to move. There’s almost never interaction between the audience and the guests.
That was not the case with this screening. It seemed to be not only a WIF event, but a crew and production team screening. Many people in the audience were involved with the film in various positions and they had a little after party after the screening that my friend who joined me for the screening and I got invited to join.
I got to talk to Catherine Hardwicke a little bit. She’s seriously amazing. She’s a bigadvocate for making sure that more movies are made with female directors and writers. Men are a majority of writers and directors and things really should be more balanced. She is an incredible director and I feel honored that I got to meet her and she spent a little bit of time talking with me (and taking this awesome picture with me).
The other reason why this screening was so special to me was the subject. Without giving a ton of spoilers away, one of the characters in the film gets a breast cancer diagnosis. The character has to go through several of the same treatments that my momwentthrough (the character had a similar type of breast cancer). But the way the character reacted to her cancer was very different from how my mom did and that made me feel so grateful for my mom.
When my mom was diagnosed, she told me pretty much right away. I wasn’t able to share it with friends right away because we wanted family to know first and my mom to get through some things before the news was shared. But it was a pretty open discussion with us all. I could ask my mom anything I wanted to without fear of her reaction or upsetting her. A lot of things were (and still are) unknowns, but nothing was hidden from me or anyone else in the family who wanted to know.
After my mom’s surgery, I saw her in Tahoe when I went to visit my family. While I was there, I got to see my mom’s scar and what things looked like. That helped me feel much more comfortable with everything. When you look up post-mastectomy photos online, they can seem both scary and unbelievable. Seeing what it looked like on my mom normalized things.
Through surgery, chemo, and radiation; my mom kept a very positive attitude. Yes, technically cancer at any stage can kill you (or the treatments can kill you or make you sick), but as a family we just focused on positivity and recovery and believed that my mom would get through this just fine. That’s exactly what happened, but I know that even if it wasn’t that way my mom would have still maintained her positivity. Again, that all made me feel much better about the circumstances and helped me avoid googling things that I shouldn’t.
For all I know, my mom just put on a brave face for us all and it was much scarier and more horrible than I know; but if she did protect me from the negativity I appreciate that.
Obviously, my mom’s cancer story isn’t everyone’s cancer story. Not everyone has the ability to stay positive or immediately get a fatal diagnosis. And my family is much luckier than most because almost everyone is in medicine so we understood things without having to do as much research (and that research is so terrifying). And even though the story in “Miss You Already” isn’t my mom’s story, it’s so refreshing to see a cancer story that tells things honestly and doesn’t make it seem easy or so hard that life is over from the moment you are diagnosed.
“Miss You Already” opens this weekend and I really encourage you all to go and see it. Not only will you be supporting a fabulous movie, you will be telling the studios that films by female directors are popular and there should be more of them. Both of those things are very worthy things to support.
Posted onJune 5, 2015|Comments Off on Just Wanted To Say Thank You (or You All Help Me More Than You Know)
Lately I’ve been writing about some struggles I’m been having. I’m writing about them for a couple of reasons. One is that sometimes I don’t have much to say and sharing the struggles is something that can be shared. The other is that I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can on this blog. I don’t want to hide things or only show the good parts of my life. So many people do that on social media and it really doesn’t do anyone any good. Everyone goes through rough times and it’s only fair to show the good and the bad in your life if you are sharing it publicly.
But through me sharing my struggles on here, even at the beginning of my blog, I’ve gotten so much support. It shocked me then and it still shocks me now. Even though I know that I’m loved and cared about, having support is always unexpected and very much appreciated.
I’ve gotten so much support lately from so many people. A lot of people have helped me deal with my grandpa’s death. I’m still struggling with this because I haven’t really felt too sad about it and that makes me feel like a horrible person. But my grandpa and I have had a very complicated relationship and I think that I’m just trying to work through that.
I had so much support over the years about my mom’s cancer. The support was so wonderful when I got it and while I wish that nobody else has to go through cancer, I’m glad that I’m now able to repay the favor and give other support.
But the support that I’ve gotten for my eating disorder really has been the best. I’ve dealt with a couple of haters and rude comments in the past on here, but I just delete those. I know that I will probably always have one or two random people who believe that I’m talking about my eating disorder on here as a way to get attention or to hope that my blog post goes viral (both things I’ve been accused of in the past). But I do it for me and if someone else gets something out of it, then that’s awesome.
Every bit of support that I’ve gotten has helped me so much in my journey. I really wonder where I would be today if I didn’t have the support that I get virtually or in person. I’m such a happier and more productive person now than I was before. And every single one of you who reads this has been a part of the change in my life.
So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me in my good times and bad times (that totally sounds like wedding vows), thank you for cheering me on in person at races or at the gym, and thank you for inspiring me to be a better person.
I got tagged in this photo the other day by a friend of mine, and I think it perfectly expresses how I should feel about the journey I’ve been on so far, even with my setbacks. And you all remind me of this whenever I have a tough day.
I can’t believe that 2014 is ending! It really seems like it was just a month or two ago that I was posting my goals for this year.
I just want to take some time and reflect on my year and the goals that I had set out for myself.
I really felt like 2014 was a rebuilding year for me and my family. While 2013 did have some great moments, there were also a lot of sad and stressful ones. I think of 2013 as the year that Ross and Krystle got married, that my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and my family losttwo dogs. While we did technically adopt Tucker right before New Year’s Eve last year, I think of 2014 as the year he joined our family.
In 2014, so many positives happened for my family. Adopting Tucker was a big one, but the biggest was my mom being declared cancer-free. Knowing that she is ok (even though we all knew that she would be in the beginning) really has taken so much stress out of my life. I know that there are still some stressful times ahead with making sure that she stays cancer-free (and now I have annual mammograms to worry about too), but knowing that it’s all good right now just makes me so happy.
This was also a rebuilding year for me as far as my health goes. I have finally connected with a workout in a way that I had hoped for. And very recently I’ve been getting my food in a better place too. This isn’t to say that I don’t have days where I seriously struggle, but I’m taking more and more steps in the right direction.
So let’s take a look back at my goals from last year and see how I did with them.
My first goal was to continue to do 5Ks. I did 3thisyear. And while that is much less than the year prior, I’m ok with that. I don’t love doing 5Ks as much as I want to, but the few races that I did do are ones that I look forward to a lot. I also got a new PR which I am very excited about!
My next goal was to make spin a regular habit. This did not happen. I stopped going to SoulCycle a while ago because I have replaced it with Orangetheory. I’m planning on going back next year every so often to spin, but I really wanted to focus on Orangetheory during the second half of this year. But since I did make exercise a regular habit, I’m declaring this goal as a partial success.
Next on my list was to track my food/exercise better. I’m still using MyFitnessPal to track my food every day. I’m much happier tracking it when I’m making smart choices. And as far as tracking my exercise, I think I’m doing pretty great at that too. It makes it easy to track my exercise in MyFitnessPal when Orangetheory tells me exactly how many calories I’m burning in each workout.
The next goal I had set was to get into an improv class. I failed to do this goal. I had every intention of getting started at UCB this year. I even purchased the book that all students are required to read. But I think the lack of stability with my job got to me. When I thought I knew when a class would fit into my schedule I would lose my job and everything changed. I’m feeling pretty stable with my current day job, but I’m still looking for something else to help me make enough each month. Once that stability is set, I think I can look into class again.
Next was pay down my debt and not add more. While I did pay down some of the debt, it was impossible to not add more this year. With some expenses having to be put on a credit card, there was no way to not add to it. But when I did have those expenses, I tried to pay off exactly what I spent by the time the bill came around.
Then I had the goal of going on another vacation. While I did go to visit my parents, those don’t seem to feel like vacations to me. They seem like getting to have family time. That’s probably because I’m either visiting them at the house I grew up in or I’m at their place in Tahoe. But I did get to go on a fabulous trip to New York with my sister-in-law this past spring. That trip was amazing and we are planning to try to go to New York again in the coming year.
My final goal for 2014 was to continue blogging. While some days are tough to come up with a topic to write about, I have maintained posting a new post Monday-Friday every week of this year. That’s a lot of posts!
All in all, even though I didn’t complete all of my goals, I think that I did a great job in trying to do them all. I’ll post my goals for 2015 tomorrow.
I hope that you all have an amazing New Year’s Eve tonight! If you chose to drink, please don’t drive. Take a taxi/Uber/Lyft to get home. Or you can call AAA for a Tipsy Tow.
Celebrating My Mom (or She Hit A Big Milestone)
