Monthly Archives: March 2021

What I Do To Stay Safe (or This Conversation Needs To Change)

Posted on March 17, 2021 | Comments Off on What I Do To Stay Safe (or This Conversation Needs To Change)

I think most people have heard of Sarah Everard by now. But if you haven’t, she was a woman who was walking home in London and went missing. She did everything you are supposed to do when walking home. She stayed on well-lit roads, even if it took her longer to get home that way. She let people know she was on the way home. Yet, a police officer saw her, kidnapped her, and murdered her.

This story is not unique. It disgusts me that it’s something we hear of far too often. And what makes me even madder is what the conversation is like around what happened. People wonder what Sarah did wrong. They ask why she was walking alone. They want to know what she was wearing so they can blame the victim for her own murder. And women are sharing the dozens of safety tips that they do to stay safe to help others stay safe. And then there are the people who are saying that women shouldn’t be out on the street at night or alone.

All of this reaction is putting the blame on the victim. No matter what she was doing or wearing, she did not deserve to be murdered. Why are people trying to blame her for what happened and not the accused murderer for what he did? The reaction shouldn’t be what women need to do to be safe. It should be on the men who are usually behind attacks like this.

I’m aware that it’s not always men who are the attackers, but it’s a very high percentage. And yes, not all men are attackers. But women don’t know what man is a safe guy and who will snap and attack. So many women are talking about what they do because of the fear that we were raised with. And I’m not an exception to that.

I do so many things to stay safe in my life. When I’m home, my doors and windows are always locked. I even have extra protection on my windows so they cannot be opened from the outside if the locks fail. I also now have a camera at my door that records anyone who comes near my front door so I don’t have to open it if I don’t recognize the person. When I’m in my car, I immediately lock the doors whenever I get inside. I lock them before I even start the car. If I have the option to park somewhere that there isn’t a car next to me, I will do that. I typically walk with my keys in my hand.

When I go out on dates, I have even more precautions. I always will tell at least one friend about the date. They get a screenshot of the guy’s profile so they have a photo of them. I text my friend the guy’s first and last name, phone number, where I’m meeting them, and what time I’m supposed to meet them. I also will text if I end up going somewhere else (like when I start a date at a bar and we end up going to dinner). And I will text when I’m on my way home. I also usually tell the guy that I’m giving their information to a friend in case something happens. I figure if the guys know that someone has their information, then maybe if they were considering doing something wrong they won’t since it will be easy to catch them.

Even with all the things I do to be safe, I’m not always as safe as I’d like to be. I’ve been grabbed and groped before. I’ve had dates where I was terrified and hid somewhere so the guy couldn’t see where my car was because I didn’t want to be followed. I’ve had an employee from where my date was at walk me to my car because I didn’t want to walk alone.

Do I like feeling like I always have to be on edge? No. I hate it. And I hate that this is how most women are raised to act. And I don’t think many men have realized what we do to be safe until someone tells them something. And there are too many men who react to women protesting by saying not all men are evil like the attackers. But that’s not the point.

Men need to start holding each other accountable for their actions. If they see someone acting in a way that isn’t right, they shouldn’t be silent. If a guy sees a friend saying how they are going to walk up to a woman and not leave her alone until she agrees to go out with him, they shouldn’t watch it happen. And they need to realize the fear that so many of us live in each day. I’ve seen some guys post about how they are going to make sure that it never seems like they are following a woman on a street. If they happen to be walking behind them, they might cross the street or take another way. I understand that everyone might not understand why a guy should have to do that, but I know how worried I am if a guy is walking behind me and I don’t know if they are just walking or if they are following me. Taking away that worry is something simple that means a lot.

The reaction to what happened to Sarah and so many other women is not to tell women how to be even safer than what they have been doing. The only way that Sarah could have stayed safe would be if she was in her home and never went outside. And for many women, even being home doesn’t keep them safe because men have broken into homes after following someone. Blaming the victims for not being safe enough isn’t going to stop these attacks. Holding men accountable for their actions and not saying things like “boys will be boys” when they do something wrong is what we need to do.

I’m tired of hearing people saying things like “if only she wasn’t walking alone”, “she should have walked with a male friend”, “she was asking for it with that outfit”, “if she knew self-defense, she would have fought him off”, and other things like that. Let’s start by saying that the men who do these things are to blame and that we cannot let them get away with their actions without holding them accountable. And that’s not the only thing we need to do, but it will be a start.

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Default ThumbnailSandy (or I Hope You Are All Safe) Default Thumbnail#YesAllWomen (or This Is Why This Hashtag Is Important) Default ThumbnailVaccine Envy Is Real (or Trying To Stay Positive) Default ThumbnailMe Too (or We Need To Stop Normalizing Sexual Assault) Default ThumbnailPeople Need To Just Stay Home (or This Isn’t Something To Ignore) Default ThumbnailGetting Another COVID Test (or Making Sure I’m Safe To See My Family)

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A Year Into The Pandemic (or This Is Still Such A Weird Time)

Posted on March 16, 2021 | Comments Off on A Year Into The Pandemic (or This Is Still Such A Weird Time)

We marked 1 year of this pandemic recently. The past week or so has been a lot of 1-year markers for many of us. 1 year since people went to their office. 1 year since they went to a gym. 1 year since they’ve socialized with friends and family. 1 year since things seemed “normal”.

I’ve had a lot of those thoughts recently. I remember the last normal feeling day. I just wrote about the last time I went to Orangetheory in the studio. The last musical that I went to was just over a year ago. The last big social event I went to was over a year ago and I remember us all talking about COVID and being grateful that it wasn’t affecting us too much. If only we knew what was coming for us.

And I remember when everything shut down. I was terrified about what was happening and I didn’t know what to do. There was so much fear in those first few weeks of the pandemic. And while I wasn’t trying to hoard supplies or anything like that, I know that I did a little bit of panic buying. But I also was hoping to find a way to only need to get groceries every 2 weeks. That didn’t last too long for other reasons and now I’m doing grocery delivery about once a week and then going to Trader Joe’s maybe once or twice a month for other things I can’t get delivered.

Even though things are a bit calmer with grocery shopping, I do still have some anxiety from over a year ago. When I’m running low on something that was harder to get a year ago, I start to worry. I am buying refills for things sooner than I used to because I want to allow time in case I can’t get what I need. Going to the grocery store still makes me anxious. I’m grateful that at least there aren’t big lines at the stores anymore, so I can do my errands a bit quicker. But it’s still an errand that I am not always happy to do because of the anxiety.

So many of my friends have been sharing recently about how a year ago their work life was so different. This is one thing that doesn’t feel too different for me. I did lose one job and get another one, but I’ve been working from home for a long time now so it doesn’t seem like a huge change. I have had more changes recently with work because of some new responsibilities and other things connected to my work, but these are also things that I was hoping would happen so it feels much more like I’m finally getting closer to where I want to be with work.

So much has changed in my life when I look back at a year ago, but I think the biggest change has been the feeling of isolation. I still struggle so much with feeling like I’m on my own little planet and that there’s nobody out there doing what I’m doing. I know that isn’t true, but the isolation makes me feel that way. And I have been working on being a little less isolated. I still am not really going out or seeing that many people, but I have allowed myself to see friends who I know are taking the same precautions that I am. I’m less than 3 weeks away before I can feel safer seeing friends one on one, even if they aren’t vaccinated. And I can’t wait for that time. A year ago, I never really knew how lonely I could feel. I was fine having alone time, but loneliness is so different and something that I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for.

I know we are getting closer and closer to the end of this pandemic. More people are being vaccinated every day. Case numbers are going down and hospitalizations have been going down even faster. I know there is a goal to have an almost normal 4th of July this year, and that would be amazing.

A year ago, I know that we were told that we were going to be isolating for 2 weeks to make things safe. I had a feeling it wouldn’t just be 2 weeks. But if someone told me a year ago that we’d still be doing this a year later, I wouldn’t have believed it. I also don’t know if I could have handled it knowing I had a year of loneliness ahead of me. But I have made it through this past year, and I’m very lucky to be able to say that. And I will make it through whatever time left we have to do this.

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One Step Closer To My Regular Workouts (or Trying OTF Live)

Posted on March 15, 2021 | Comments Off on One Step Closer To My Regular Workouts (or Trying OTF Live)

It seems like every week, there are positive steps that seem to be bringing us closer and closer to whatever normal is. The new CDC guidelines for people who are fully vaccinated are showing us more about what is safe to do. And now, more counties in California are moving into a less restrictive tier. As of today, Los Angeles County is out of the purple tier (which is the most restrictive) and we are in the red tier. This means more things can open, including gyms! Right now, there isn’t a reopening plan for Orangetheory yet, but I hope that it comes soon!

But I’m getting excited for things to maybe be opening soon and that’s also bringing up a few nerves about how I’m going to do when I am able to go back, whether that is doing an outdoor workout or an in-studio one. I’m trying to focus on the positives more than the fears or the negative, but it’s not always easy. But I also won’t let fears stop me. So I am continuing my workouts each week and not giving up.

And this past week, 3 of my 4 workouts were what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks. I did the strength-based, weightlifting workout without worrying too much about cardio. I know it’s not the best workout I can do, but it’s one of the less frustrating ones I can do on my own. And I know that this isn’t a forever thing, so I’m not worrying too much about missing cardio.

But on Friday, I got to do a really special workout. The Orangetheory studios in LA are now doing OTF Live classes! These are virtual workouts that are coached live. It’s similar to what I was doing with the Zoom workouts. But OTF Live workouts aren’t over Zoom, so they can have more on the screen than just the video. On the top of the screen was the graphic/video showing what exercise we were doing. On one side of the screen was the coach and on the other side of the screen was my heart rate information. And at the bottom of the screen, we could see the videos of other people in the class. You had the option to make your video private to just the coach or it could be seen by everyone. I made mine able to be seen by all.

The class on Friday was coached by Coach Michael, who wasn’t one of my regular coaches but who I had as a coach several times in the past. So it was awesome to get to see him again. And while the actual workout didn’t have all the elements of an in-studio class, it was much closer to a class than a lot of workouts I’ve done lately. I would say it was between an in-studio class and the videos that OTF has been putting out on the app.

There’s no doubt in my mind that one of the things I’ve been missing about my workouts has been the live coaching. I can’t do the workouts on my own. And even if I was working out with others, there’s something about being coached that is different. And even if I’m not getting any specific coaching, having some guidance and encouragement is more than feeling like I’m on my own.

And I have to say that it was a tough workout! I think I might have overdone things a bit. There were a lot of squats in the workout and I was already dealing with hip pain. I tried to push through when I could, but the next day I was feeling the soreness and had to be very careful with what I did over the weekend.

And of course, I had to take a celebratory photo after the workout was done. My last in-studio workout was 363 days before my first OTF Live workout. As of today, I’m a year past my last studio workout. But having my first OTF Live workout was something to be proud of!

My plan for what I’m going to do for the next few weeks is still a bit up in the air. I think I’m going to try to do at least a few OTF Live workouts this week. But because of the times they are available, I’m not sure which days I can do them. And if I want to continue doing them, I do need to find out about restarting my membership. I know that they are doing a membership that is good for both the Live and Outdoor workouts, I just need to find out more about them. And like I mentioned, things are starting to open up and I’ll be considered fully vaccinated in about 3 weeks. So the next few weeks might be changing often. But my goal is still going to be to continue to do 4 workouts a week.

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Only Knowing Some Of The News (or Several Rough Nights Of Sleep)

Posted on March 12, 2021 | Comments Off on Only Knowing Some Of The News (or Several Rough Nights Of Sleep)

I like to think that I’m pretty informed about what’s going on in the world. I know what’s happening with politics and what’s going on with the pandemic. And I pay attention to other news stories as well. But I don’t really watch the news anymore. That used to be a part of my routine in the past, but I haven’t been sitting down to watch the news in the morning in a while. Instead, I tend to get my news from social media. I have a list of news accounts I follow and I can easily see what they post and stay on top of things. And while I might watch some tv news from time to time, it’s not a regular habit.

I probably should be a bit better about knowing the news, especially some local news that I might not see on social media. But I just have been a bit burned out on news over the past year, so I haven’t wanted to add more to my life.

But by missing out on watching the news, I also miss out on a few things that do affect my life. Even though I’m staying home and inside almost all the time, the weather is important for me to know. The actual temperature isn’t that important because my house has poor insulation (so it can be freezing inside my house when it’s not too bad outside for example). But my hip issues get worse when it’s about to rain, so I used to make sure I checked the weather regularly so I could be prepared for that. We haven’t had rain in a long time, so I guess that slipped my mind lately.

But I had been having some really horrible nights of sleep this week. I struggled to fall asleep and when I did fall asleep, I woke up a lot. I have been having a lot more sleep issues over the past year than I normally do, so I assumed it was connected to that. And even though I had some hip pain, that’s not too unusual for me either. I didn’t think about if there was a possibility of rain causing the issues until I woke up the other night and it was pouring rain outside.

I am grateful for the rain because I know we really need it, but I hate that it causes me so many issues. And I hate that because I haven’t been paying attention to the weather and that part of the news that I was unprepared for dealing with this over this week. If I had known it was going to rain, I couldn’t have completely prevented all the pain, but I would have taken steps to make it a bit easier for me. I also just hate the feeling of being unaware that something was going to happen. So little in my life is in my control, and this was just one more thing that was out of my control. And it was my fault that it felt that way.

I know I’m probably overreacting a bit about all this. The pandemic out-of-control feeling is making my hip pain out-of-control feeling that much worse. And the rain looks like it’s done for now, so my hip pain should be getting better over the next few days. And soon enough, I’ll be back down to my regular pain level.

I also know I’m overthinking all of this. I am informed about what’s going on in the world, just not everything. And not knowing the weather isn’t the worst thing. Even when I was going out and doing things, I wasn’t always super aware of the weather. And I don’t know if I need to add another thing to my daily list to check in on. I guess this was just another thing to keep me on my toes during a time when life feels very repetitive and boring.

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Thankful To Have Some Guidance (or I’m Almost Fully Vaccinated)

Posted on March 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Thankful To Have Some Guidance (or I’m Almost Fully Vaccinated)

With my second vaccine coming up in about a week and a half, I’ve been starting to plan more and more about what I want to allow myself to do. I’m still not planning on changing too much about my life, but I can start thinking about what I am willing to do that won’t be too risky. There are things that people have been doing unvaccinated that I haven’t been ok with. Such as being outdoors with friends while masked or attending outdoor workouts. And I’ll probably be a bit more open to doing grocery shopping on my own and not just using delivery services.

I’ve written before about how it’s weird to think about trying to get back to normal. And while I can’t wait until I can see friends without worrying about my health and I can go out and do things again without considering the risks, it’s been hard to think about what is safe and what isn’t. I still don’t want to do anything stupid that will put myself or others at a higher risk than necessary.

But the other day, the CDC released some guidelines about what can be done once you are fully vaccinated. Being fully vaccinated means being 2 weeks after having both vaccines (or 2 weeks out after the single-dose Johnson & Johnson vaccine). So for me, I will be fully vaccinated right around my mom’s birthday. Until then, I’m still staying home and not going out as much as I can. The things I’m considering adding to my life won’t be until April. But I’m only a few weeks away, so I know I can wait.

And the timing of when I will be fully vaccinated is perfect because that’s when I’m hopefully seeing my family again! And almost everyone will be vaccinated (my nephew and niece won’t be and I don’t believe my sister-in-law will be) when I see them, so according to the CDC, we will be safe to be around each other. And knowing that I won’t be putting my family at risk when I see them is a huge relief.

And I’m glad the CDC released this information because it’s nice to know that the things I’m adding into my life again are considered safe. I don’t like having to make the decision on my own if the risks I’m taking are too much. When they said that vaccinated people can be together without wearing masks or distancing, I didn’t have to think about it more than that. And while I rarely have had anyone over at my house, it will be nice to know that the next time Dani and I hang out we won’t have to worry as much. But as far as going out in crowds or meeting up with people I don’t know or trust, that I will hold off on for now. Not everything is known yet, and things will just continue to get safer as more people are vaccinated.

There’s been a joke in some Facebook groups I’m in about how they will need to add a filter on dating apps if you’ve been vaccinated or not. I did add the photo I took after getting my vaccine to my profile. While some guys do write that they are fully vaccinated, I don’t know if I can trust that just yet. Maybe for a while, we will have to show everyone our vaccine card to prove we are safe. Going back to dating the way I used to seems so far away still, so I’m not too worried about rushing it. I’m slowly finding ways to date that feel safe, and I don’t need to push anything too much.

I know that everything over the past year has changed so much and so often. And these new guidelines could change at any moment. Maybe they will take back what they said and vaccinated people cannot be unmasked. Maybe there will be more things that will be safe soon. When I’m fully vaccinated at the beginning of April, things could be drastically different. But it’s still fun to start thinking about what I will be able to do soon and not have to worry as much. Just having that weight off of my shoulders is going to be a much-needed change.

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Changing Some Of The Stories In My Book (or Even More Ghost Stories)

Posted on March 10, 2021 | Comments Off on Changing Some Of The Stories In My Book (or Even More Ghost Stories)

The book I wrote about online dating has been a work in progress for a long time. I’ve written several versions of it over the past few years. And even now that I have the version and style that I want to stick with, I’ve been making edits and changes from time to time.

Most of the time, those changes are due to having new stories to add. For example, I’ve added stories about dating during a pandemic and how to make it happen. I’ve written about how I’ve been doing phone dates, video chat dates, and virtual dates with apps like Netflix Party. And I just had a story to add about the first time I was stood up for a virtual date. I was supposed to watch a movie with a new guy over Netflix Party. But when I went back to the app to message him the link for our movie, he had unmatched with me. While I don’t understand standing someone up at all, this was a new level. All he had to do was watch a movie from home with me, and he couldn’t even do that. But it was fine, I watched the movie on my own that night and it was not a big deal. It was a little annoying, but almost funny how I find new ways I am disappointed by the guys I meet on the apps.

But very rarely, I have an update on a past story that took a new twist.

At the end of 2019/beginning of 2020, I met someone on one of the apps and we started seeing each other. We didn’t go out that many times or for that long (it was under a month), but it still felt very different from other guys I had dated before. There was something comfortable and made me feel at ease when I was out with him. We seemed to be really good intellectual matches for each other. He followed through when he said he’d text me or when we made tentative plans for a date. Neither of us were scared to talk about our feelings and be very open and honest.

I really thought things were going great until he ghosted me.

Being ghosted by this guy hurt a lot. It wasn’t the first time I was ghosted (and I wouldn’t be the last), but there was something about him that made it hard for me to believe that he would be someone who would ghost. He had been so open about things before that I thought if he didn’t want to see me again, he would be open and just tell me. It didn’t help that not long after he ghosted me, the pandemic started. He was the last guy I dated before the pandemic. And when I wrote his story in my book, a lot of it was about how he ghosted me and how it hurt differently from other times I was ghosted.

But then the other day, he and I matched again on an app. I was a little shocked to match with him. I had swiped right almost out of curiosity, not expecting he would swipe right on me as well. We matched on an app where either of us could start the conversation, and I decided to wait to see if he would message me. I wondered if it was a mistake. Maybe he swiped right on everyone and then looked at his matches to be more selective (there are plenty of people who do that). But to my surprise, he messaged me pretty soon after we matched.

And he did refer to our brief past and how it was nice to see me again. So we messaged back and forth a bit before I decided to be a bit bold. I asked him if he was messaging with me just to chat or if he was interested in me again. I honestly didn’t know. And he said he was interested and asked me how I felt. I said that we had a lot to talk about, but it would be good to see him again. So we made plans to see each other the next day.

It was a bit weird to see him again. I never expected to see him again after he ghosted me, but I always told myself that I wanted to confront him if I did. I know that people say that being ghosted has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who is the ghoster. But it’s hard to believe that at times. So I wanted to ask him why he did it. I didn’t necessarily care as much as why he didn’t want to see me again, but I wanted to know why he chose ghosting as the method.

We had some small talk when we saw each other. It was a little awkward. I could feel the elephant in the room and decided to be gutsy again and just ask. So I did. And I was blunt about it. I didn’t hold back in my question or act coy. I flat out asked, “Why did you decide that ghosting me was the best method to end things with me a year ago?”. And I wasn’t expecting a real answer from him, but I did kind of get one. Without revealing too much about what he said, he realized he wasn’t over a past relationship and tried to work on that. And then the pandemic hit so dating took a backseat. I still think he could have texted me to say something, but I also understand a bit. While this doesn’t excuse his behavior, it does explain it.

And we had a really nice time seeing each other again. We still seem to click the way we did a year ago. It seemed like we were both being honest and open with each other. And we both said that we would like to try seeing each other again. So I was hopeful that I could turn the story I had written about him into a more positive thing.

But because the plot twists never seem to end with me, it looks like he has ghosted me again. I’m still hoping maybe he will reach out and explain himself, but it’s almost been a week. No matter how busy you are, you can at least manage a simple text saying that things are busy and you can’t really respond right now. Not communicating at all isn’t something that I’m ok with or comfortable with. And if he does reach out to me again, that’s something that will have to be discussed. But I’m not expecting to hear from him again. I guess ghosting might just be his thing and not a random occurrence when it happened a year ago.

I don’t like that I sound so pessimistic, but at the same time, I don’t want to date someone that I feel so unsure about or that I have to chase down or wonder if they will contact me. I know that there could be a valid reason why this happened, but unless he tells me, I will never know. Maybe in another year, he will reach out again and try to explain himself. At least this time, I feel like I got some closure from the past ghosting, and this time it doesn’t hurt as much. I don’t want to say that I expected it, but it wasn’t as shocking.

So it’s back to the apps for more swiping and matching. And while I’d love to say that I won’t be ghosted again, I know that might not be true. But one day, I’ll find the guy who I click with, feel like I’m a good match with, who follows through, and won’t ghost me.

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A Different Type Of Taxes Appointment (or Sometimes I Do Better Than Expected)

Posted on March 9, 2021 | Comments Off on A Different Type Of Taxes Appointment (or Sometimes I Do Better Than Expected)

When I had my taxes appointment last year, it was before everything shut down. It was one of the last things I did before the shutdown and it seems like that was a million years ago. And I didn’t think too much about my tax appointment this year until recently and wondered how it would happen. I forgot that a lot of people who did their taxes last year had to do them after the shutdown so there was already a good system in place for not doing them in person.

I wasn’t able to get as early of an appointment as I usually do, but it was because I wasn’t going to schedule it until I had all my tax forms from my jobs. I didn’t want to be someone who makes an appointment and then doesn’t have everything needed. But I still got an appointment on the earlier side so I didn’t have to stress about things happening at the last minute.

The way appointments worked this year was a pretty great system. You make your appointment, but it’s for a week and not a specific day and time. Then you have to have all your paperwork and forms to the office the Saturday before your week and then your preparer reaches out to schedule a time for a phone call to finalize things. And I was very grateful that they let me submit my paperwork and forms through email so I didn’t have to drive to the valley. I wouldn’t mind driving since I don’t drive much, but it was just much easier to do it all at home when I only had to drop off forms.

I was a bit worried about how my taxes would go this year. I knew my income was lower than it was before, so my estimated tax payments were higher than they probably needed to be. But I also got unemployment, and I know that gets taxed and a lot of people owed money after getting unemployment. I did select to have 10% deducted for my taxes each payment, but I knew that wasn’t enough to cover everything I would owe. And I had very few deductible business expenses over the past year, so I didn’t know how much that would affect what I owed too. But as always, I was trying to be hopeful about how it would all turn out and I knew that I’d be ok no matter what happened.

My phone call was the other day and it was really nice getting to talk to Daphne. I think we both missed having our fun chat in person like we normally do and we couldn’t do a lot of chatting on the phone, but it was so nice getting to talk to her. It was a much faster appointment than normal because almost everything was entered by Daphne before our call. Normally, I bring my paperwork with me to the appointment and she does everything in front of me. But this time, she only had a few questions and it turned out I was missing one form about my healthcare (which, fortunately, I was able to access online and send to her right away).

Because there was so little as far as income and deductions, it was a bit simpler than before and not as many things that we had to figure out. I thought having unemployment would make it harder, but obviously, Daphne is a pro at this and it really wasn’t a big deal and there were no weird things we had to figure out with my forms. This was much easier than times in the past when I was on unemployment, which was nice.

And in the end, I did much better than I expected with my taxes. I’m getting money back for both federal and state, which is not normally the case. I always owe on my state return, but this year the healthcare forms were different. So some of the overpaying I did for my healthcare covered what I owed for the state. So I’m getting refunds for both and my taxes for 2020 are basically complete. I’m just waiting on the refund to be direct deposited to me.

And I have things set up for 2021 as far as estimated payments go. But because my income was so low in 2020, my estimated payments are significantly lower than I’m used to. If I paid them at the rate they are listed at, I would likely owe money when doing my taxes next year. So I’m debating about paying more than what it has on the forms. Overpaying doesn’t result in a penalty like underpaying does, so that’s a good thing. And if that helps me not owe money in a year, it’s a good thing. I’d rather pay in installments ahead of time than owe a big amount at once. But I have some time to think about it before I have to make my first estimated payment for 2021.

But for now, I’m not too worried about my 2021 taxes. I’m just glad that I got my 2020 taxes done and they were so much better than I was expecting them to be. Now I can move beyond 2020 and not have to think about money worries that the year might have caused me.

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Really Getting Ready To Get Back To My Workouts (or I’m Not Sure I’m Ready To Work That Hard Yet)

Posted on March 8, 2021 | Comments Off on Really Getting Ready To Get Back To My Workouts (or I’m Not Sure I’m Ready To Work That Hard Yet)

I have been saying for a while that once I am vaccinated, I will look into going to Orangetheory again for the outdoor workouts. They have been doing outdoor workouts for a long time now, and I know they are doing everything they can to keep things safe. I haven’t heard of anyone getting sick because of the outdoor workouts and the people I know who have gone to them have said they feel almost safer there than anything else they have been doing the past year. I know people in other parts of the country that have been back to indoor workouts (with restrictions) and they have also said they feel safe being there.

But even with how safe everyone feels, I have said that I wouldn’t think about it until I’m vaccinated. And honestly, even though I wanted to be vaccinated as soon as possible, I really thought it wouldn’t happen for me for a little while. So when I was able to get a vaccine a week ago, I was in shock for multiple reasons!

Now, there is a real possible end date for my home workouts. The soonest I would consider going would be next month (I have to wait 2 weeks after the second vaccine before I have full antibodies). But it’s something I’m really thinking about.

And also in the past week, there have been some changes for when gyms can reopen. It’s looking like it will be possible sooner than expected for gyms to open with restrictions and limited capacity. The Orangetheory studios I go to haven’t announced anything official yet because they are waiting on things to be announced from the state and county. We all know how things can change, so they don’t want to say anything until they are certain. But it’s exciting to think about things being opened as they are safe.

As of right now, I do still plan to try to do something through Orangetheory once I can. Whether that’s going to the outdoor workouts or the studio ones, I’m not sure. I don’t know if they will both be options in a month. I don’t know how I will feel about doing to a workout in the studio if that is an option. I also don’t know what the schedules might be like in a month because that changes things too. The outdoor workout isn’t too far from my house, but it is further than the studio in Culver City (because of my new job, I don’t know how often I’ll be going to the Brentwood studio anymore since I won’t be able to attend the Monday classes I used to go to). I don’t feel like I can make too many decisions yet with so much being up in the air. And I want to see how I feel when it’s closer to when I can start.

But I know I am getting closer and closer to the date when I will be back at some sort of coached Orangetheory class. And as I’ve said in posts over the past year, I know that I’ve lost a lot of what I gained from Orangetheory before. Having a year off has been very hard for me. I’ve still been able to keep up my workout schedule, but it’s nothing like what it was like before.

For example, this past week, I did my 4 workouts as I planned. But they were all pretty weak. I did do the strength training that I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, so that’s good. But I had both pain and nausea as I expected as well as some minor side effects from the vaccine (mainly arm pain and a headache). So I wasn’t able to push myself the way that I would want to. I know I’m not lifting as heavy as I was before. I have a ways to go before I get back there. And I feel pretty certain that I’ve lost a lot of cardio ability too. I haven’t had a substantial cardio workout in a long time. And I know it will be really rough when I’m back in an environment where I want to push myself hard and have high expectations.

I want to say that I’m going to take the next few weeks and push myself extra hard to be ready for my first coached workout. But I also know that’s not likely to happen. I’ve been trying to push myself for the past year and I know that it’s never been what I really wanted to do. As I’ve said more times than I can count, doing something is better than doing nothing. But at the same time, I hate that I’ve had to settle for just doing something instead of doing something I’m really proud of.

I don’t know if the next few weeks will have many changes to my workout plan. I might have some adjustments to make in 2 weeks when it’s after my next vaccine if I’m having more side effects. But I am going to keep going with my workouts and trying to find ways to be prepared to make the switch from home workouts to coached ones (even if I only do 1-2 coached ones a week, it’s going to be a big adjustment). I want to believe I will be ready to start next month. I know that it will do wonders for my mental and physical health.

I want to get back to what I was doing a year ago, I just don’t know if I will ever feel ready. Then again, I don’t think I really felt ready before I started with Orangetheory. I just didn’t know a difference so being unprepared didn’t seem that bad to me. Now that I do know, it’s scary. But I know that after I get back, it’s only a matter of time before I feel like I’ve never left and I’ll be back to making progress.

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Default ThumbnailFinishing Up My 2020 Workouts (or Kicking Off A New Year With More Home Workouts) Default ThumbnailBack To The Same Workout Debate (I Don’t Know What To Do) Default ThumbnailSlowly Working My Way Back (or Continuing To Have Dizzy Workouts) Default ThumbnailFinding How To Fit In My Workouts (or Testing Out My New Normal) Default ThumbnailAn Improving Workout Week (or I Finally Feel Like I Am Seeing The End Of Home Workouts) Default ThumbnailMore Proof I Need To Plan My Workouts (or Wasting More Workout Time Than I’d Like)

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Still Working On Creating Better Habits (or Getting More Prepared For “Normal” Life Again)

Posted on March 5, 2021 | Comments Off on Still Working On Creating Better Habits (or Getting More Prepared For “Normal” Life Again)

I’ve written a few posts about getting ready to be back to “normal” life again (whatever normal means in the future). I know I have created some habits that I have used to get through this pandemic and being isolated that I know are not good. And I’ve slowly been working my way through some new habits and seeing what I could turn into something productive and what I need to work on switching.

The biggest new habit I have gotten very used to is being alone and not reaching out to others. While I am not always the most social person, I used to try to make plans with friends and see if there is something I can go out to do. Or I’d see fun events happening around LA and see if anyone I know wants to join me. But now, I don’t really do that at all. I have seen plenty of virtual events posted online (which I’m now trying to make more of an effort to do) and I’ve never really thought about asking around to see if anyone else wants to do the same thing. And even though I had the recent monthly challenge of being more social with people in my life, I’m still not great at doing that. It’s hard to think to make a phone call instead of sending a text. And maybe when things are normal again, I won’t want to do phone calls as much. But it’s still something I want to work on making feel more normal in my life.

The habit I’ve been struggling with the most in the past few months has been my sleep routine. When I was out of work, I got very used to staying up later than I’d like to and sleeping in a bit (although, for me, sleeping in is usually 8am). Once I started working, I had to get into a better routine. And while I have a much better habit of waking up on time and it no longer feels early, I’m still struggling with making sure I go to bed on time. And I know I’m not getting enough sleep these days. It’s affecting me already, and I can only imagine how much more it will affect me when I have more things happening in my life. This is a habit that I mainly need to fix since I can’t see how having a lack of sleep could be turned into something good.

And while this isn’t necessarily connected to my lack of sleep, I know that part of staying up too late is because I’m watching a lot more on my tv. I have been watching a lot of shows and movies to fill my time. It’s a good way to help pass the time when there is nothing else happening in my day. And just like sleeping in, this was a habit I was doing more when I wasn’t working. Once I started working, I didn’t have as much free time to watch everything I wanted to. And I had to look at my viewing habits and see where I could cut back. Right now, it’s a bit of a hard time to cut back on movie viewing because I have SAG Awards screeners to watch. But I know that after I’m done with those, I need to limit how many nights I watch movies. And the same idea with tv. I added a lot of random shows to my DVR just so I would have things saved that I could watch when I needed something. But I’ve slowly been deleting the shows that I feel are just filler shows and not things that I want to keep up with.

I know there are other habits that I picked up over the past year that may not be things I should keep doing when life starts getting normal again. And there are other habits that I started that I will try extra hard to continue, like cooking more at home. It’s a bit weird to keep thinking about when life is back again because everything shut down so quickly and instantly. But things will be reopening slower so there will be less of a drastic change. But I still want to be ready for whatever the next safe thing will be to do so that I don’t have to keep having adjustment periods as this year goes on.

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Default ThumbnailBack To Normal (or Catching Up On Life) Default ThumbnailSeeing My Therapist (or Building Habits) Default ThumbnailLooking Back At Some Of My New Habits (or Things I Want To Keep Doing) Default ThumbnailGoing From So Much Excitement To Normal In A Few Hours (or Life As An Actor) Default ThumbnailTrying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track) Default ThumbnailStruggling To Figure Out Challenges Right Now (or I’m Just Going To Try To Stay Hopeful)

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Getting Vaccinated (or I Didn’t Believe This Until It Happened)

Posted on March 4, 2021 | Comments Off on Getting Vaccinated (or I Didn’t Believe This Until It Happened)

For several months, I think we have all started to understand that the pandemic was not going to end here until people were vaccinated. That’s not how it had to be, but because of the very loose restrictions that were put in place, that’s what’s going to happen. I know other countries have gotten past this without a vaccine, but most Americans have been waiting on when they could be vaccinated to have that same feeling of safety.

When vaccines started, I knew I wouldn’t be vaccinated right away. Other groups were more urgent than anything I would be listed under. And for a little while, it was unclear what other groups would be prioritized after healthcare workers and older people. I assumed that there would be an option for people at a higher risk of death and that I might be in that group. And that’s one of the first groups I had heard about that I would be eligible for. But it wasn’t too clear when that group would be vaccinated or how it would be determined they were at high-risk.

I started to get some vaccine envy over others who could be vaccinated and it wasn’t hard for them to prove their eligibility. And then I discovered that I might end up being eligible about 2 weeks earlier because of one of my day jobs. My data entry job is technically in emergency and county communications, and that was one of the groups listed. But I decided to call Kaiser at the end of this past week to talk to them about my options and I figured I would be waiting until later this month when high-risk people would be eligible and I just hoped I would discover how to make that happen while on the call.

To my surprise, when I called in, they agreed I would be eligible in the group for my day job. I wasn’t expecting that at all, and I sure wasn’t expecting to get an appointment so quickly! I called in on Friday and they asked if I wanted to make an appointment time for a vaccine on Sunday! Of course, I said yes because I have been saying for so long that I couldn’t wait for the vaccine.

But even after I had the appointment set and could see it listed on the Kaiser app, I was worried something would happen. Maybe they would decide I wouldn’t be eligible or that it was a mistake that I had an appointment. I brought a lot of paperwork with me to my appointment to show my job (like tax forms, contracts, agreements of responsibilities), but it was a very simple process when I got to Kaiser. I was very overprepared for what I needed.

When I arrived, I checked in and was immediately brought over to a desk to set up my second vaccine appointment. Since I had to have an appointment 21 days later, they wanted to make sure that I would have my spot before I got my vaccine. Then I had to wait in a waiting room for about 10 minutes for my turn to go back. I was nervous because I hate needles no matter what. But I was also excited since I couldn’t believe that something I have been waiting for was finally here.

The actual shot wasn’t too bad. I did black out a little (as expected), but I didn’t completely pass out. And even though others have said that it was painless and they didn’t feel the needle, I did. But it didn’t hurt much worse than a flu shot. Then I was brought into another waiting area where I had to wait for 15 minutes so they could make sure that I didn’t have any bad reaction. I wasn’t too worried that I would since nobody I know who has been vaccinated had a bad reaction after the shot. But I know they have to be careful. So I sat there and read my book before the nurse came over and told me I could leave.

I know the vaccine doesn’t change everything. Especially since this is only the first vaccine. I will still be wearing masks and staying home whenever I can. I’m not going to be making any huge changes to my life, but at the same time, it is a huge relief. I know that I don’t have to be in as much fear as I have been in the past year. I know that I won’t be as high-risk as I have been. And I know that for each of us who is vaccinated, we are that much closer to being at the end of this.

And of course, I took a selfie in my car with my vaccine card after. I feel like everyone is doing it, and I’m not ashamed to be a part of this trend. It is exciting and something to celebrate.

My next vaccine is in about 2 1/2 weeks. I’m not too nervous for that one beyond the normal nerves I have with shots. I know several people had bad side effects for a day or two after, but I’m ready for that. After this first shot, I had a bad headache and a lot of pain in my arm for about 2 days. But whatever side effects I have for the next one, I know it will be temporary and worth it. And in about 4 1/2 weeks, I will have the antibodies and should be fully protected. Again, that won’t change my behavior that much, but I will be more willing to take some risks (like going to the outdoor workouts) once that happens.

I still can’t believe I was so lucky. And I know that now vaccine production has been increased, everyone should be able to get a vaccine within the next few months. We are almost there and I can’t wait to be on the other side of this.

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