Monthly Archives: January 2021

Remembering To Stay Calm (or Trying To Not Let The Little Things Get To Me)

Posted on January 15, 2021 | Comments Off on Remembering To Stay Calm (or Trying To Not Let The Little Things Get To Me)

Right now, it feels like there is very little that I can control. And the few things I can control aren’t the healthiest things (like how much/little I eat or sleep). And with so much that is out of my control, I almost want to have more control just to feel like it’s not as crazy. And when I can’t do that or if things don’t go the way I hope, it can be really tough to tolerate since I have so little happening in my life.

A good example is getting my groceries delivered. I very rarely go to the grocery store myself. I try to limit it to going to Trader Joe’s once a month or so because there are some things I can only get there. Most of the things I need I can get from another grocery store that delivers to me. I might have to make some changes to that because the grocery store I’ve been using fired all their union drivers to use non-union drivers, but that’s a separate issue (although maybe firing all the old drivers is what caused this issue).

The grocery delivery I have been using gives you different options when you select what time you want it delivered. There are 1 -hour, 2-hour, and 4-hour windows. The 1-hour ones are the most expensive and the 4-hour ones are the cheapest (none are free). I will usually pick a 4-hour window unless there are no other times coming up in the next day or two. And that’s something I encountered over the weekend when I tried to get some groceries delivered. The only option was a 1-hour window, so I paid for that and figured I’d have my groceries soon.

But they never arrived. I still don’t know what happened, but they “forgot” to have someone pick up my order to deliver it to me. And since the day ended, they canceled my order. I was fine and didn’t need the groceries at that moment, but it was still frustrating because I was hoping to make something for dinner that night that I couldn’t. And I was looking forward to knowing I was done with my grocery shopping for the week. Since my order was canceled, I placed another one for another day and was able to get a 4-hour delivery window.

Then that delivery never arrived on time. It did finally arrive about 5 hours late, and I guess late is better than never. But my frustration just kept building. I know that this is a service that there are human errors and delays that can happen, but it was one of the only things in my control and even that was no longer that way. I know it’s not a big deal, but it just felt that way to me. And I had to remember to not let this be a bigger thing than it really is.

I know staying calm these days is so important. Stress isn’t good for us at any time, but right now I know it can be even worse because our baseline stress levels are so much higher than normal. And I can feel in my body when I’m too stressed. My autoimmune conditions tend to get really bad, and I’m in the middle of a really bad flareup that I know is likely due to stress. Staying calm won’t necessarily resolve and fix everything, but staying stressed isn’t going to allow it to get any better.

I’ve let lots of little things get to me in the past 10 months that I’ve been isolating at home. Some of my go-to stress relief things aren’t an option for me right now, so even my normal stress has to be taken care of in different ways. And sometimes, I can handle things just fine. But to have a little freakout at home is probably to be expected. All of us are dealing with so much and if we were handling it fine, that would almost be a sign that something is wrong because this isn’t normal and fine.

Fortunately, I didn’t get upset or frustrated with anyone else like the customer service reps for my groceries. I kept it to myself and managed it on my own. And I was able to get over it pretty quickly and move on. I know it’s ok to be frustrated and stress and recognizing that and allowing myself moments to feel that way helps. And then I can move on with my day and hopefully try to stay calm and relaxed when dealing with other things in my life.

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Default ThumbnailI Guess This Is The Risk With Getting So Many Deliveries (or Thank Goodness For Good Customer Service) Default ThumbnailTime For Another MRI (or Still Trying To Stay Calm) Default ThumbnailTrying To Go With The Flow (or Staying Calm And Remembering To Breathe) Default ThumbnailTrying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over) Default ThumbnailAppreciating The Little Things (or I’m Lucky To Have Awesome Friends) Default ThumbnailStill Wondering About The New Normal (or Baby Steps Back)

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

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A Virtual Cheesecake Dinner (or Not Letting Anything Stop A Tradition)

Posted on January 14, 2021 | Comments Off on A Virtual Cheesecake Dinner (or Not Letting Anything Stop A Tradition)

As I’ve written about for several years, I have 2 traditions with my friend and birthday twin, Joanna. The first is our birthday dinner at Truxton’s. And the second is our cheesecake dinner around the new year. We turned our birthday dinner into a picnic, but we still got food from Truxton’s. While it didn’t feel exactly the same as what we normally do for our birthday, it was still fitting into our tradition and it made me happy.

When we were together for our birthday, I think we both thought by now things would be a bit more normal. So we assumed we would be having our cheesecake dinner the way that we are used to doing it. But as we all know, we are still very far from normal and it’s even more dangerous to be out with others now. We had decided to order from Cheesecake Factory to have our dinner, but we decided to not have a picnic. It was just safer for us both to be eating at our own homes. But we could still video chat so we could be together.

So we set it up so our food should arrive around the same time. It didn’t quite work out like that, but it wasn’t too bad. My food was to me sooner than Joanna’s food, but I ordered a salad so it was ok to wait a bit. And her food arrived at her house soon after.

It was a little weird to be eating on Zoom, but we both found it easier if we turned off the self-view on our screens. I don’t think I could have eaten while watching myself eat. I knew that Joanna could still see me eat, but somehow that’s different. We both also tried to do a little bit of nicer lighting so we could see each other, but it was nice to be a bit more casual than we normally are when we go out to dinner (for example, neither of us dressed up).

And while it wasn’t the same as being at dinner together, I’m so glad we did it. It was so nice to get to see Joanna and catch up like we normally do. And even though it was a bit odd to eat while on camera, it’s been a while since I’ve had a meal with someone else. So even virtually eating with someone so I wasn’t alone was nice and felt like I wasn’t as alone as I am.

Our conversation was like it always is. We both had a lot of random stuff to catch up on with our lives. And I love getting to catch up and hear all the crazy stories she has and I’m sure she loves my crazy stories too. And because we weren’t at a restaurant and felt like they needed our table or something, our virtual dinner was much longer than our dinners normally are! We were on Zoom together for over 3 hours! But I think we both needed the social time and I’m glad that neither of us needed to rush to something else.

Normally, I take a photo of our cheesecakes because we split cheesecake. We order 2 different slices and have them cut each slice in half so we each get half of each type. But that wasn’t possible for our virtual dinner. We both joked that we should order 2 slices to make it almost the same, but neither of us did (we didn’t need to spend the money or eat 2 pieces of cheesecake). We didn’t discuss our cheesecake choices before we ordered, but we both ended up getting tiramisu cheesecake. And we took a photo over Zoom to be our photo for the dinner.

Even though having a virtual dinner is better than skipping our dinner (we never would have skipped our tradition!), I still wish we could have had dinner together. We both are trying to be hopeful that by our birthday, we will be able to be having a meal in the same place. I don’t know if restaurants will be open (and safe) by then, but at least feeling safe going for a picnic with our food or maybe eating at my house. Just something so we can be in the same space.

But even if we have to do another virtual dinner together, I know we will not let anything stop us from our traditions and this proved that we are both as dedicated to make them happen as possible!

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Seeing How To Make My New Schedule Work (or I Have A Better Idea Of My Free Time Now)

Posted on January 13, 2021 | Comments Off on Seeing How To Make My New Schedule Work (or I Have A Better Idea Of My Free Time Now)

Last week was my first week with my normal schedule at my new job. I am glad I was eased into the new job since there was a lot to learn. So many things were similar to my old customer service job but just different enough that I had to be aware of what I was doing so I wasn’t doing what I did at the old job. It was good that I had a lot of time with training and a shorter schedule at first. Having a full week off for the holidays was a bit tough, but I took that time to work on reviewing everything I learned.

I’m not feeling totally confident with the new job, but I’m getting closer each day. I understand different processes and policies and the questions I have for my manager are becoming the more rare and specific things and not the general questions. I feel like this is progress and I’m proud of it. And while it’s not as many hours as I’ve worked before at my old job, it’s been a long time since I’ve worked this many hours so I’m getting used to not having my time be mine as much as it was for most of last year.

I also got an update from my data entry job and what the new contract would be like. The new contract is still being worked on, but I saw what they were thinking and my job is going to be transitioning a bit. I will be getting 4 times the hours I’ve had recently (although the reduced hours were partially at my request to deal with some things with unemployment), so I will be closer to the number of hours I had when I started years ago. But most of my hours will be moving away from the data entry work and going into doing some social media work.

This was something we discussed in our recent meeting about my new contract, so it’s not unexpected. How the hours will be split was slightly more unexpected because I thought it would be more focused on the data entry work. But I’m good with this idea and how it will be for me when I am working with the new contract (for now, I’m doing work as it was listed on the old contract, so I haven’t started the social media work yet).

Between the 2 jobs, it won’t add up to exactly 40 hours a week, but it will be close so I feel like it will still feel like full-time work. And while there could be some overlap with the hours I work, I feel like it won’t be as much as before. At least not at first as I need to pay more attention to my new job than I did for my old customer service job. At my old job, when we didn’t have customers to help, I was just sitting and waiting. With the new job, there are other tasks I need to work on when I am not assisting a customer. There is a bit of free time, but I am pretty busy during my hours each day.

And I know this is normal. Working and having a ton of free time is not normal and was a luxury that I got spoiled with. I planned my days in the past assuming that in a 7-hour shift I would probably have about 4 hours when I could do anything I needed to do as long as I was still at my computer. I would try to be productive during that free time working my data entry job or working on writing blog posts, but occasionally I would just watch videos online while waiting for a customer. Most people do not get to relax while they are working. Often they have to work after they are supposed to be done. I just got spoiled with how things were for me for so long.

But it’s not that bad. This is just something I have to get used to and I know it won’t be a huge struggle once I figure it out. I just have to work on my time management again with the new schedule. I have to plan out things during my before and after work time that before I might have done during work. I will still be able to fit everything in, especially since there is nothing I have outside of work right now. If I have to work on other things for a few hours after work, I’m not missing anything I had planned. I’m not going out to see anyone so all that time is mine. And it will be good to work through this plan while I have nothing else to do. Hopefully, by the time things are reopening, I will have a better idea of how to manage all my time, and my after-work time will be more stable from day to day.

I know how lucky I have been in so many ways. I am lucky with how my old job was with allowing me so much free time. I’m lucky I was able to do both jobs together because of my free time. I’m lucky that I got another job that is remote and pays well. I’m lucky that my other job is able to increase my hours so I should be making enough to be ok soon. And I’m lucky that I have the luxury of time right now and I don’t have to worry about taking care of others and I can be a bit selfish with what I do each day.

Just like with so much I’ve done lately with my schedule, I will figure out how to make it work and I have the time to slowly do that. I will need to get back into time management planning again, which is something I haven’t had to do in a while. But soon enough, I will have it down to a consistent plan and hopefully, it stays that way for a while.

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A Weird Dating Milestone (or At Least I Know I’m Trying)

Posted on January 12, 2021 | Comments Off on A Weird Dating Milestone (or At Least I Know I’m Trying)

I’ve been active on dating apps for almost 4 years now. This isn’t the first time I’ve used dating apps (or dating websites), but I feel like the past 4 years have been a very different time than any other time I used them. I have had a bit more of a purpose and a slightly more open mind. And I feel like I have been much more active this time than I ever had before.

And I know I am using apps more than many people. Now during the pandemic, I’m sure this is even more true. But even before the pandemic, I know that I was more active than many others. This is particularly due to having a thick skin and tolerating things a bit better than some. I’ve had friends who have taken extended breaks from apps after they got ghosted. I have taken little breaks, but rarely longer than a week unless I was seeing someone that I thought was going to go somewhere.

I don’t really track how many people I match with or message on dating apps because it would be just too much. But I learned a few weeks ago that there is a way to see some of that information in Bumble. Bumble has a program called Moves Making Impact. It’s a free and optional program that allows you to help raise money for a charity every time you send an opening message. I signed up for it since it’s free and doesn’t affect my profile at all. But someone mentioned that if you go back to that section of the profile settings, it lets you know how many first messages you have sent since selecting a charity.

But it also shows you how many first messages you have sent since signing up for Bumble! At the time, it was just under 5,000 for me. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to match and message people I didn’t care about just to get the number to 5,000, but it wasn’t that long before I hit that milestone.

But this is only tracking Bumble and that’s not the only app that I’m on. So I would say it’s a safe bet that between the various apps that I use, I have matched and messaged at least 10,000 men.

I’m not embarrassed by this number. It’s a sign that I’m trying to date and find my person. But it is a little frustrating that I have gone through 10,000 men and still am single. I never thought I’d need to talk to that many people that I would reject (or that would reject me). Of course, when I started on the apps again, I was hopeful that I would be one of the rare cases that meet their person within the first few messages, but I knew that was unlikely. But I never expected that 4 years and 10,000 men later, I’d still be as single as I was before.

Of course, I have learned a lot about myself while dating. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in a new skill. So maybe messaging 10,000 men makes me a little bit of an expert in dating. I wouldn’t consider myself an expert, but maybe a little bit of one. But even if I’m not an expert in dating, I’m an expert in what I want in dating and what I know I deserve. I know what I do not have to stand for and what my hard lines and boundaries are. I know what I am looking for more than ever and have a much clearer idea of what I want my future to be like with another person. Some people learn this by being in relationships. I learned it by not really being in one. But I still learned it and am happy that I have had that growth.

Will I get to 10,000 first messages on Bumble? I have no idea. I honestly hope that I don’t because I do want to find my person. I don’t want to date endlessly and still be single. But I do know that could happen and I won’t be mad at myself if that is my future. I know for sure that if I was in a relationship with anyone that I had gone out with before that I wouldn’t be happy. Maybe right now during the pandemic, I wouldn’t be as lonely, but I know I am happier now than I would be if I was with any of them. So it is for the best.

I will continue to try dating the best I can during the pandemic. I don’t know if I’ll meet my person with how we have to date now, but maybe I will. And if I don’t, I will be back to dating normally when it is safe to do so. And if I get to another milestone number in the future, at least I know that it is a sign that I am trying and hopefully am closer to finding my person.

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Finding How To Fit In My Workouts (or Testing Out My New Normal)

Posted on January 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Finding How To Fit In My Workouts (or Testing Out My New Normal)

I’ve had several different workout routines since I started at Orangetheory. I have almost always worked out on the same days of the week (starting with Monday/Wednesday/Friday and then adding on Saturday), but the time of the day has changed for me. I started out working out only in the afternoons. Then I did Monday mornings since I didn’t work on Mondays. When I started going to the Culver City location, I did early morning workouts before work. And that’s what I did until the studios had to close about 10 months ago.

When I started doing my home workouts, I tried to maintain a similar schedule to what I did in the studios. I might not have worked out as early as I used to, but I still preferred mornings. I have gotten used to working out on an empty stomach and have come to prefer that. And since I wasn’t really working, it was easy enough for me to do that.

Once I started at my new job last month, I was doing fewer hours than I knew I would be doing once I was trained. I also wasn’t always doing morning work hours. So if I had afternoon work, working out in the morning was easy. If I had to work in the morning, I was done early enough to work out as soon as I was done without needing to eat before. But this past week, I started my actual work schedule.

Now, if I want to work out after I am done with work, it will be in the afternoon. I will need to eat at least 1 meal (if not 2) before my workout. And I thought maybe I’d have to do that. I tried that with my Monday workout this past week, and it wasn’t good. I really don’t love working out in the afternoon anymore and it just didn’t feel right. So I realized I needed to work on figuring out how to work out before work and have enough time.

Fortunately for me right now, it’s easier than it would be if I was going to a workout at a studio. I don’t have a commute to worry about. I can wake up and be starting a workout within 10 minutes. So I tried waking up at the time I used to wake up for my Wednesday and Friday workouts and going from there. And that worked out. I was able to start my workout early enough that I had time to shower and be dressed before I had to log in for work. I do have to rush a bit to do that, but it’s doable. So this week, my goal is to do that on Monday as well. My Saturday workouts are easier since I don’t work, so I don’t have to worry about those.

But it also changes up how I think about things going forward as far as working out somewhere other than my house. If I went to an outdoor workout, I would have to either go much earlier than I’m used to or go in the afternoon. The outdoor workout location is much further than the studios I normally go to, so the drive time has to be considered. Once the studios are open again, I can’t do the morning times that I’m used to and would have to do an earlier time. And that means I need to get my sleep schedule in a much better place so I can wake up about an hour earlier than I normally do. It’s not the worst thing to do, but it will take some time. But because I am thinking about this much sooner than I need to do it, I can take some time to transition to an earlier wake-up.

I know I don’t need to worry about any of this really right now, but I do want to think about it. I am still hopeful that at some point this year, the studios will be open again and I can go back. And there is a chance the times that the workouts are offered will be different from what I am used to before, so any planning I might do could need to be changed. But I’m still going to keep trying to create the habit of working out in the morning when I have to do it at a specific time. That’s something I have been slacking on a bit and it’s good to get back into scheduling myself that way.

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I Don’t Know What To Say About This (or What Happened Doesn’t Feel Real)

Posted on January 8, 2021 | Comments Off on I Don’t Know What To Say About This (or What Happened Doesn’t Feel Real)

Like so many people, I spent a lot of my time on Wednesday watching the breaking news of the Trump supporters storming the Capitol and breaking in. I spent most of the day in shock watching what was happening. I found out because some members of a message group that I’m in started talking about how they were in shock. I asked what was going on, and once they told me I immediately turned on the news.

I had the news on my phone sitting next to my computer so I could listen as I worked. There were a few times during my work shift that it was quiet so I could watch and not just listen. And that made things even more unbelievable. It didn’t feel real. It felt like a scene from a movie or a news story about another country. This didn’t feel like it could be here and actually happening.

I couldn’t believe I was watching our Capitol being broken into and damaged. The number of people who were able to get in without any attempt by the police to stop them was shocking. We have all seen what has happened during various Black Lives Matter protests. When Trump wanted to walk to a church for a photo op, tear gas was immediately used to clear a path in the middle of a peaceful protest for him. But when people were committing crimes and waving guns around, authorities acted like they were helpless. They didn’t stop anyone from climbing the walls or breaking windows. We have all heard how police feel like they have no option but to shoot if they feel threatened. And they seem to feel threatened when someone raises their voice or walks away. But it’s ok with them and they feel safe when people are running at them with guns? It’s disgusting.

And the people who were attacking the police are the same ones who scream that blue lives matter and who tell people that they wouldn’t be shot if they just listened to the police. But they don’t feel like they have to listen and they didn’t seem to care that they were trying to physically harm the blue lives they claim matter. I guess they only matter to them if the police aren’t on the opposite side as them.

All of this was because some politicians refused to believe that they lost. They created ideas that fraud was occurring. They claimed that counting ballots that were received on time but being counted past midnight due to the number of ballots they had to count were somehow no longer good. According to them, it doesn’t matter if you voted legally, if it took too long to count them and an arbitrary deadline wasn’t met, they weren’t legal anymore. They made up a rule that the counts had to stop at midnight even if they weren’t done. They believed that because of the size of a crowd, there was no way they didn’t win. Crowd size doesn’t equal votes. I didn’t go to any rallies (I wouldn’t have gone even if there wasn’t a pandemic), and that doesn’t mean that my vote wasn’t real. They were making up so many false claims that they knew were false but that their followers would believe. And because of that, they created the mob that tried to break democracy.

There may be some politicians that believe in what they were saying, but I know many of them didn’t. If they did, they wouldn’t have changed their minds just because of what happened. So many politicians who said they were going to protest the count didn’t do so. So either they knew they were lying and were feeling like they should stop, or they believed what they said and they were ok with ignoring fraud. Considering how much noise they made trying to claim any fraud, I doubt they would ignore fraud.

I want to be hopeful for our future and our government, but after what happened on Wednesday it’s really hard. I know that a new administration is coming in, but that will not stop the supporters who have been attacking anyone they feel is against them. The supporters are turning on the people who they thought were the greatest because they no longer work with the narrative they want to believe. I can’t see how this will stop as long as Trump lies and makes up things to feel like he is adored by some people.

I am grateful that he has been banned from social media sites. Some of the bans are permanent and some are temporary. But even if they were all permanent, it’s a little too late. The people who made groups online to organize this mob weren’t Trump directly. They are people who feel empowered and emboldened by what Trump has said and they have taken things up on their own. They will not be stopped because the person they look up to most is silent. They will still talk among themselves and I am worried about what they might try to do next.

As I am writing this post, very few people have been arrested after attacking the Capitol. I hope that this will change. Anyone who broke in should be arrested and punished for what they do. They should personally pay for the damage that they created. And they should not be allowed to be anonymous. They shouldn’t be allowed to hide what they did. They should have to own up to what they did and what they believed in and accept that they will be judged by many for it. This was not a small mistake or lapse of judgment. This was planned. They knew what they were doing. And they didn’t stop until they were forced to. This was all their choice to do, they cannot be dismissed as confused about what they did.

The next few weeks will possibly be a very trying time for our country. I hope that we will come out of it ok and we will be able to rebuild. This country should be for all and our government should be fair and for everyone. And we need to work back toward that. I don’t know if we can get there soon or if it will take a while. But we cannot continue going the way we are going and expect that everything will be ok. This will be a challenge, but I hope that many people are up to that challenge. I know I am and I will not stay quiet when I see injustice and wrong as I did on Wednesday.

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How I Ended 2020 (or A Night Alone At Home)

Posted on January 7, 2021 | Comments Off on How I Ended 2020 (or A Night Alone At Home)

Most of the time, I spend New Year’s Eve with friends. I usually will go to a party where things tend to be pretty casual. I’m not a big fan of elaborate plans for New Year’s because things can be overpriced and very crowded. I like just having a relaxed night with friends where we celebrate but everything is pretty low-key.

When the pandemic started, I never thought we’d still be dealing with it by New Year’s Eve. I really thought things would be safe again by the 4th of July. Then maybe by  Halloween. I fully expected to be able to spend New Year’s Eve with my friends at a party and didn’t think too much about things.

But as it got closer and closer to the end of the year, reality set in and I knew there was no way that there would be any party or gathering with friends. Even trying to figure out a way to be safe with one friend didn’t seem to be possible. I know that I have pretty much been in quarantine for a while, but most of my friends don’t have that same luxury. So it just wouldn’t be safe to try to meet up with even one friend. So my New Year’s Eve was spent the way I have spent so much of 2020. Alone in my house.

It wasn’t the worst thing to be alone for New Year’s Eve, but it was still sad. It was sad to think about how things didn’t have to be this way with the pandemic. It was sad to think that there are people who I know aren’t dealing with the isolation as well as many of us are. It was sad to think that things were looking up because of the vaccine but they were still not looking that great.

My night was not really that exciting. I spent a lot of time watching tv and catching up on my DVR and streaming shows. I made some dinner. I sat around and texted with a few friends. And I was in bed by 11 pm. I did stay up until midnight, but I spent the last hour of 2020 reading in bed. And pretty soon after midnight, I went to sleep.

This wasn’t how I wanted to spend my New Year’s Eve. This wasn’t how I liked to spend my night. But it was how I needed to spend my night to stay safe and healthy and to do the right thing.

In some ways, it did seem fitting to end the year the way I spent so much of it. But at the same time, I would have loved to have ended the year in a happier and more fun way. I hope that this will be the only New Year’s Eve that I have to spend this way. I might choose to spend one like it, but I want it to be my choice. This was not what I wanted, but it was the only option I could have without taking a lot of risks that I’m not ok with taking.

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Making The Month A Little Less Lonely (or Still Trying To Find Challenges To Do While Isolated)

Posted on January 6, 2021 | Comments Off on Making The Month A Little Less Lonely (or Still Trying To Find Challenges To Do While Isolated)

I got another Volt Planner for 2021, so I’ll be doing another year full of goal setting! I love using this planner for setting weekly, monthly, and annual goals as well as monthly challenges. I also use it to track my daily intentions and my gratitude list. It is a planner so I can track other things, but that’s what I mainly use it for. When I was able to work out at the Orangetheory studios, I would also use it for some workout tracking. But since I’ve been working out at home, I don’t really do that.

It really is the perfect planner for me and I’ve been using them for several years now. I keep all my old planners because it’s interesting to see what I’ve accomplished and how far I’ve come. My collection is pretty decent so far.

My monthly challenges used to be much more excited. But since we’ve had to isolate at home, they are not as grand and much more personal. For December, my challenge was to get myself ready for 2021. And I did a fair amount of preparation with things I wanted to do like getting different parts of my house organized. But the plan to prep was sidetracked a bit by getting a new job. I think that’s a very good excuse to be sidetracked. And in a way, getting a new job was preparing me for this year. I needed a new job so I wouldn’t be struggling as much. But there was some other stuff I wanted to do that I didn’t get a chance to, like doing some rearranging of things in my kitchen. But nothing I didn’t do was urgent so I can get them done this month.

And for this month’s challenge, I was a bit inspired by the idea of how we’ve all been isolated for so long. And being isolated at home doesn’t have to mean being completely isolated from the people you love. I know that I have been isolating myself more than I’d like to, but it’s what happened to me when I was feeling low. It’s so much easier for me to ask a friend to get dinner or hang out if I’m lonely compared to asking if we could have some sort of virtual hangout. But virtual hangouts are really all we can do (with few exceptions).

So my challenge for this month is to not isolate myself from my friends completely and to make sure that I connect with someone that I care about every day. This means I can’t go run an errand like go get groceries and count seeing people in the store or talking to the cashier as a connection. This has to be with a friend or family member.

And I know there are different levels of being able to connect with someone. Right now, the thing that would make me happiest is seeing someone in person (outdoors and keeping a distance between us). This isn’t the easiest thing to do, and also not necessarily the safest for now. If I can make this happen, awesome. But I also understand that for now, I might not be able to do this at all this month. But it’s something to hope for. Next, would be doing a video call. These are totally safe, but so many people have Zoom/video chat fatigue. I get that. Then I would put phone calls next on my list and texts/message groups last.

My goal is to not just do texts every day with friends, but I know that there will be days where texts are the best I can do. I hopefully can have more phone and video calls with friends and family this month and continue that beyond this month until we can all safely meet in person.

I’ve been isolated at home for almost 10 months now, and it’s really getting to me. It’s easy to avoid people, but I know that it’s not the best thing for me to do. So hopefully this challenge this month will get me back to being more social in whatever ways I can and I can feel much better about the current situation. I need to figure out how to be happier while I wait for things to be safer. And I know having time with friends and family will help do that.

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Having Patience (or My Word For 2021)

Posted on January 5, 2021 | Comments Off on Having Patience (or My Word For 2021)

As I have done the past few years, I have decided on a word for 2021. My word for 2020 was Balance, and I think that kind of didn’t end up happening too much for me because of the pandemic. I wanted to balance out my life in so many different ways, but I was prevented from doing it because of circumstances that were out of my control. I tried to balance what I could, but I know that what I wanted to do with the idea of balance just didn’t happen.

When trying to pick a word for this year, I wanted to pick it with the understanding that I might be isolated at home for some or most of the year. I know that a lot of things that I have in mind with different words each year involve doing something that doesn’t involve just me. I need to be around others to work on the idea. But I finally settled on a word that I think is perfect for 2021 (and if I’m being honest, was kind of my word for 2020 without me knowing it).

My word for 2021 is Patience.

I need to have patience in so many aspects of life. I need to be patient with the pandemic and what is happening. I need to be patient with getting the vaccine and having some sense of my old life back. I need to be patient with myself when it comes to my workouts and working on recovering from my eating disorder. There is so much that I need to be patient with in 2021. I think it’s the perfect word for me.

Even though I didn’t end up wearing my bracelet that much in 2020 since I rarely was out doing anything, I still ordered a bracelet for 2021 from MantraBand. I feel like that also makes me feel a bit more hopeful that I will be out and wearing jewelry this year. But even if I only wear it a few times, I like having it as a reminder even just seeing it in my room each day. And I do love the sayings that are on the packaging.

“Everything worthwhile takes time to become. Practice patience with others, and with yourself. Because there is nothing that patience and time can’t resolve.”

I feel like that perfectly describes why I picked patience to be my word this year.

The final part of my routine with my words each year is to change up the background on all the different devices that I use. I only include the word on my computer background (my phone and iPad are only the image without the word). But every year, I have put the word in the middle of the background image and I feel like I never see it. So this time, I moved the word to the side and I will see it almost all the time that I am on my computer. I like this change already, and it’s only been a few days.

I picked the image because it was pretty and I liked the colors. But after a day, I realized that it looks like Spaceship Earth at EPCOT. I wasn’t trying to make it a Disney thing, but it unintentionally became a Disney thing! I love that too and whenever I see the image it makes me smile.

I spent a lot of time in 2020 being patient and now I need to continue to do that and build up that skill in 2021. Patience is what will keep me safe and healthy. Patience will get me through this time. I know it’s not easy and I will have plenty of time that I’m impatient and frustrated, but I just need to keep reminding myself that patience will pay off and I will be able to get to the other side of all this eventually.

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Finishing Up My 2020 Workouts (or Kicking Off A New Year With More Home Workouts)

Posted on January 4, 2021 | Comments Off on Finishing Up My 2020 Workouts (or Kicking Off A New Year With More Home Workouts)

I know I’ve already covered that I completed my goal for my 2020 workouts, but I think hitting that goal was a bigger deal than it normally is. In 2020, I had to find a way to motivate myself to do workouts at home. I know I don’t like working out at home. I know that it’s easy to slack off and not do what I know I should be doing. But somehow, I found a way to make it work and I got through 2020 and completed 204 workouts!

Originally, my plan for this past week was to test out doing my workouts early to see what I can do when I have work in the mornings. Unfortunately, that didn’t end up happening. I didn’t really sleep in, but I wasn’t up and ready to go early enough to test that out. I know that this week, that means I will have to either get up super early to test things out or I’ll have to do my workouts after work. But I’m ok with that plan for now since I’m doing the workouts on my own. When I will have to work around a workout schedule, then I’ll have to think about things more.

Last week’s workouts were a slightly different schedule than normal. Because it’s a tradition for me to work out on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, I wanted to keep that up. So I worked out on Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Doing 3 days in a row is tough, even when they are workouts at home and I know they aren’t as hard as workouts in the studio. But it was worth having something be tough for me to keep up a tradition that I’ve had for so long.

I tried to do my best with every workout that I had, but as it’s been for a while now, it’s also hard to motivate myself as much as I wish I could. I did try to go a bit heavier with my weights, but I couldn’t do it. And I know the weights that I’m using are lower than I normally do. I want to get back to where I was in March, but it’s hard when it feels so far away. That’s something I want to work on for this year.

2020 was over 75% home workouts. I don’t know if 2021 will be the same way, but I’m trying to be hopeful that it won’t be. Even if the studios can’t open until the fall, there are outdoor workouts that I could do. I’m just waiting for things to be a bit better here before I do them. I might wait until I’m vaccinated to be extra safe. But I’m hoping that I’ll be vaccinated no later than the summer. So if that’s how it goes, then maybe only 50% of my workouts will have to be at home by myself.

I have tried for so long to figure out what will get me going with my home workouts, but I’ve been more and more accepting of the idea that maybe it just won’t connect with me. If home workouts were easy for me, I would have done them way before the pandemic. There’s a reason I connected with Orangetheory and there’s nothing wrong with me needing that environment to do my best. It’s an unfortunate reality for me right now, but I think it’s just the way it is.

But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’m still planning on doing 4 workouts a week at home for now. I’m still going to try and hope that something clicks with me. I will still try to improve and do better. And I’ve already started off this year with 2 workouts (on Friday and Saturday), so that’s a great start! I’m just going to keep going and be excited that every week of home workouts brings me a week closer to workouts back in the studio.

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