Monthly Archives: January 2020

A Story I Didn’t Know If I Would Share (or Having Complicated Feelings About People)

Posted on January 31, 2020 | Comments Off on A Story I Didn’t Know If I Would Share (or Having Complicated Feelings About People)

I know that the news all over the world has been covering the helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant and 8 others. I’m guessing the news in LA might be covering it a bit more since it is a local story and Kobe Bryant was a huge figure in this city. I don’t have a lot to say about the death besides how awful it was and that it’s so sad that so many families lost someone. I’ve never really watched basketball so I haven’t necessarily followed Kobe through his entire career. But I knew who he was and what he meant to the entire city.

But since the news of his death, there has been another side to Kobe’s life that was brought back up. And that’s the story of the sexual assault allegation against him.

I was aware that he was accused of assault and I know that Kobe wasn’t a perfect person. He admitted as such. But to see some people saying how it is wrong to be sad that he died because of what he did hasn’t been sitting right with me. People are complicated and nobody is completely perfect. And to demonize someone, especially after death, for one thing they did in their life doesn’t feel right. People are allowed to say that this happened and that perhaps the woman who accused him of assault is going through a rough time seeing his name all over the news and not being able to escape that. But at the same time, he was more than someone accused of assault and there are so many people mourning his life. There is nothing wrong with being sad about the loss of something who meant a lot. And there’s nothing wrong about having conflicting feelings about how to react because of his past. But I disagree with people who say that being sad is disrespectful to the woman he assaulted.

With so many people bringing the assault story back up again, I looked more into what happened. It was a huge story back then and I heard so many people talking about it. A lot of what I remember hearing about the story was how he was a cheater for being unfaithful to his wife and not as much about what happened to the woman he assaulted. I remember the case was dismissed, but I never really thought too much about it. So I probably only knew a few main points about what happened and not really the full story. But after reading about what happened, I didn’t realize how close to home this story would be.

The story I’m about to write is one that I questioned if I should ever share. A few people know that this happened to me, including my therapist. I’m ok and I’ve processed it. But I feel like I’ve processed it a different way after looking into the story of Kobe’s assault, his statement after it happened, and how people are treating it now.

Almost 2 years ago, I was assaulted on a date. This wasn’t the first time this has happened in my life, but it was the most recent and the one that I think sticks out the most in my mind. And the thing about it was that it took me a long time to even realize that I was assaulted. For a long time, I just thought I had a bad date. I feel weird calling it an assault because I still have complicated thoughts about what happened. But what I do know is that I did not want something to happen and because I wasn’t able to say no that it did. According to many people, that is assault. Even if that feels like too extreme of a word for what happened to me.

I don’t feel the need to go into a ton of details of exactly what happened. But I was on a second date with someone who I wasn’t sure I was interested in. He was aware that I wasn’t sure about him and that maybe he and I were meant to just be friends. He seemed willing to take things slow to see what would happen. Our second date ended up being hanging out at his place to watch a movie. I felt safe going over to his place, plus a friend had the information of where I would be. And for the first few hours, everything was fine.

We were cuddling on the couch when he decided to make the next move. I do not remember exactly what happened, but I do remember freezing. I didn’t say no and I didn’t fight him off. But I know that I didn’t say yes. But I’m guessing that because I didn’t say no or fight him, he assumed that meant I gave consent. There were no obvious signs that I didn’t want him to do that, but I also didn’t give him any signs that I did want to.

This is the reason why I believe the idea of “no means no” is wrong. I fully believe the guy who assaulted me feels that it was consensual. I actually feel a bit guilty that he has no clue that I did not want to do this and that he thought I was a willing partner.

My mind has blocked out a lot of what happened that night, but I do remember that I was laying in his bed wondering how I was going to leave several hours later. I was still worried for some reason about being rude. I don’t know why I cared about being polite, but I did. I remember waiting there and the alarm on my phone finally going off. And once my alarm went off I felt like that gave me a way to leave. I made some sort of excuse about having to be somewhere in the morning and left. I unmatched with him after that and never spoke to that guy again. And for a long time, I blamed myself and felt like it was a bad date and that’s it.

It was 6 months after that happened that I told a friend that story and they looked horrified. They said that it was assault because I never consented. I tried to tell them they were wrong, but the more I think about it the more I realize that’s true. But I never really did much about it.

I wasn’t going to report him because I do believe that he thinks that everything was fine. So many people don’t realize that a lack of consent is an issue because they only think they need to worry if someone says no. If I heard about him being accused of multiple assaults, then I might go speak to someone. But for now, my decision isn’t to do anything and I am ok with that. I don’t need anyone else to be ok with it.

When I was reading the story of what happened with Kobe, so many parts seemed the same as my story. She thought it was assault and he thought it was consensual. People questioned if it could be assault because he didn’t say no or fight him off. She participated in what happened even if she didn’t want to. People said she didn’t look upset after it happened so they didn’t think anything bad could have happened.

And reading Kobe’s statement expressed what I would hope the man who assaulted me would say if he was ever confronted with what I think. While Kobe believed it was consensual, he has since learned that it was not. He didn’t question why his accuser did what she did and he expressed remorse about what happened. I know some people say that it wasn’t a truthful statement from him and he was doing it to look better, but I choose to believe that he believed what he said and that he did rethink what happened that night.

I don’t necessarily have a point to sharing my story other than to say that this happens and that assault can be complicated. Even I struggle with the idea that this was assault and not somehow my fault. I struggle with guilt that I somehow am hiding something from the person who did this to me and that he should know because he has a right to know that it was wrong. And to say that the situation that happened with Kobe and his accuser is simple is probably not accurate. And because it was complicated, people can have complicated feelings about it. We shouldn’t judge other people by how they feel about a particular situation. We shouldn’t judge someone by how they react to an assault and we shouldn’t judge someone by how they react to a death.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailMe Too (or We Need To Stop Normalizing Sexual Assault) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague) Default ThumbnailPeople Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video) Default ThumbnailSupporting A Friend (or Another Story I Haven’t Talked About Before) Default ThumbnailStanding Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story)

Comments Off on A Story I Didn’t Know If I Would Share (or Having Complicated Feelings About People)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

Having Some Reflections During My Workout (or Thinking About The Treadmill)

Posted on January 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Having Some Reflections During My Workout (or Thinking About The Treadmill)

I know I usually post workout posts on Mondays, but this isn’t exactly about how my workouts went this week. I’ll still do that post on Monday, but I wanted to share some thoughts I had during my workout yesterday.

I try not to daydream while working out since I know that if I’m not paying attention that I could hurt myself. Of course, there are some times that my mind does wander a bit and I start thinking of something random. Usually, this happens when we have a long endurance challenge and I want to take my mind off of what I’m doing. It’s a good way to distract me when we have a long row or a long run/bike. But sometimes, my mind goes to random places even without needing the distractions.

Yesterday I was done with my cardio and working on the rower when I started to think about when I was using the treadmill. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the treadmill and I have no intention of using it again for a while. Honestly, I’m much happier using the bike than I was on the treadmill and I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t think of the bike as the easier choice. And I’ve stopped worrying about if my nausea is going to kick in during the treadmill and I’ll have to switch in the middle of a block. My stress and anxiety about my nausea are a bit less now that I don’t have to think about if it will be a treadmill day or a bike day.

When I used the treadmill, I had a very different experience when I was power walking and when I was running. Running was actually much easier on me for some reason. While I didn’t have the stamina to run the entire time, I preferred my running time. I didn’t have balance issues and I didn’t feel like I was modifying what I had to do. I did have some occasional pain, but I was working through it. But when I was power walking, I couldn’t do it normally. I don’t know why walking causes more issues with me with balance than running does, but that’s what happens. I had to hold on to the rails while power walking so I didn’t step off the side of the treadmill belt. My coaches told me I could go slower so I didn’t have to hold on, but I would have to go so slowly that I wouldn’t be getting much of a workout done at that speed. So I held on even though I knew that was also not letting me get a full cardio workout in.

I was thinking back about the first time I used the bike and how much I didn’t really care for it. So many people think of the bike and strider as options to use when you are injured or having a day where you need to go easy. And I was one of those people before I was using the bike regularly. It took time to get to where I am now with being happy using the bike, but I’m there now and I don’t see that changing.

And reflecting on what I had to do on the treadmill made me even happier with how I can do on the bike. There are a few changes I make on the bike when I’m nauseous, but I’m not really modifying how I use the bike. I just go easier on things and I don’t have to have bad form or do something that makes my time on the bike not as hard as it should be. I rarely use the handles on the bike and instead I sit up straight, so my posture is probably better too. I’m not totally sure my cardio is as hard on the bike as it was when I was running, but I know that it’s better than when I was power walking. And I’m trying to make some changes on the bike that will make it harder and make me work harder to get a better workout in.

I’ve had moments where I’ve thought about how much happier I am on the bike, but this was the first time where I had a long moment where I thought about it and only had positive thoughts. There was nothing negative when I was thinking about my time on the bike. The only thought that wasn’t completely positive was how I was thinking about how silly it was that I didn’t think the bike would be enough for me. But I mainly thought about all the good things that have happened for me since I stopped fighting the idea of using the bike and really embracing it.

Next month at Orangetheory, we’ve been told there will be a lot of focus on our base pace. I’m excited to see what I can do because I’ve been at the same base pace on the bike for a while now. I know I can probably do more, but it’s hard sometimes to push myself. But I need to do that because I need to figure out the perfect way to make my workouts harder without being impossible. And I know if I was on the treadmill that I would be increasing my running speed. So I just need to do the same on the bike and see what I can do.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailDri-Tri Prep Workouts (or The Beginning Of My Workout Week) Default ThumbnailRowing And Partners (or Enjoying A 4 Workout Week) Default ThumbnailA 4 Workout Week (or Only A Few More Weeks Of 2015 Workouts) Default ThumbnailAn Off Workout Week (or Just Trying To Do My Best) Default ThumbnailHaving Some Realizations About My Workouts (or Still Adjusting My Thinking) Default ThumbnailSome Holiday Workouts (or Back On The Treadmill This Week)

Comments Off on Having Some Reflections During My Workout (or Thinking About The Treadmill)

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Another Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine)

Posted on January 29, 2020 | Comments Off on Another Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine)

When I was feeling sick from antibiotics, I dealt with a lot of random symptoms. Many of them were similar to what I deal with each month with pain and nausea, but they weren’t being resolved by the things I usually do to feel better. I was also dealing with other symptoms that made me just feel awful.

I was able to work and go to my workouts, but that’s about all I could do. I was exhausted because I was waking up constantly at night. I wasn’t eating well because I went from not being hungry to feeling so hungry and nothing seemed to be what I wanted. And I wasn’t drinking enough water (which is a rare issue for me to have since I tend to overhydrate) because for some reason drinking water was making me feel very full and my stomach was hurting.

I’m not proud of what I was doing while I was feeling sick because they really weren’t the best choices for me. The sleep issue was one that I couldn’t help too much, even though I probably could have tried to go to bed earlier so I would have maybe gotten a bit more sleep. But whatever sleep I would have gotten would have been interrupted, no matter how early I went to bed. That’s been a bit easier to get back to my normal routine than getting my eating back has been.

I didn’t do anything as bad as I have done in the past with binge episodes, but they weren’t good either. I was making bad choices constantly and I’m paying for it now. I don’t feel like myself and I just feel like I’m recovering from poor nutrition choices and I’m not feeling better. Fortunately, this is just a general uneasy feeling and not a sick feeling like the week before.

I was finally done with antibiotics over the weekend and I started working back toward what I know I need to be doing. But it hasn’t been easy to do, just like every other time I try to have better habits. And I’ve done this attempt so many times in the past and I know how frustrating it can be for me. But I have to do it because there really isn’t another choice for me.

I’m trying to get back to some basics with food. As much as I want to learn how to cook a lot of good options for myself, I also know that having too many options can be a bad thing for me. I need to be a bit more regimented in what I keep in my house and what I might each for each meal. It’s not the most fun thing to do or super interesting, but it’s a way to reset myself before I focus on adding more things back in. And I’ve been wanting to do the autoimmune protocol diet for a while so I might not be adding things back in once I do reset things for myself. But that’s not something I’m focusing on right now.

Right now, it’s about making sure I’m getting some good food into my body every day, even if that’s not all I eat all the time. And I need to get back to drinking more water on a regular schedule so I can stay hydrated but make sure I don’t start overhydrating myself again. I’m not too focused on eating on a regular schedule since that is a much bigger struggle for me that I don’t need to worry about right now. But I do need to make sure that I eat enough so I don’t have horrible cravings.

As things are so often in my life, it’s a huge balancing act to figure out the right combination of foods and schedule so that I’m not swinging too far one way or another. And while weight loss isn’t the point for me right now with trying to reset myself, I know it will be a result of my efforts because the poor choices I was making last week did make me gain weight.

Hopefully, in a week or so I will be back to a slightly more normal situation and I can focus on improving it more from that point. But I need to get back to my normal first before I make more changes. I’ve made the mistake of trying to do too much at one time with fixing my eating and I have seen it backfire. So I’m going to go slowly this time and hopefully I can prevent the issues I’ve had in the past. But if nothing else, I just want to be back to my normal and reset myself so I’m not feeling like I went so far back to old habits and I’m stuck there.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailMy Cold Caught Up With Me (or I Guess I Was Due To Get Sick) Default ThumbnailYup, I’m Sick (or Trying To Take Care Of Me) Default ThumbnailHaving Bad Days (or Did I Make Myself Sick) Default ThumbnailBeing Sick (or Feeling Off) Default ThumbnailFeeling Sick Just Isn’t Fun (or I Was Already Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailRoutine Time Again (or Getting Back On Track)

Comments Off on Another Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine)

Posted in Food, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , , ,

Adding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

Posted on January 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Adding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

There is so much that is out of my control in my life. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it has stressed me out. I’ve never really focused too much on that idea before. I knew that my career is out of my control in a way because I can’t control when I get auditions or when I book jobs. I can control how prepared I am for auditions, but that doesn’t guarantee I will get the job. But I never thought too much about how much in the rest of my life is out of my control.

I have tried to find control in my life in different ways, but I haven’t necessarily been successful. The main thing that comes to mind is finding a better job. I know that there isn’t a single job that can guarantee I am not at risk for losing it or feeling a bit out of control, but having a job that isn’t contract based or pays me enough to feel like I have a bit of a buffer would be helpful. But finding a job is also out of my control because I have applied for probably hundreds of jobs and rarely get interviews. I think it might be because the jobs I’m applying for don’t have super specific qualifications and they are good jobs, so a lot of people are applying for them as well. But all I can do is keep trying and hoping that something works out for me soon.

But instead of trying to change things that are out of my control into things that are in my control, I have been focusing on finding things I know I can control and add to my life. That helps me feel a bit more in control overall. And the best thing that I have found that gives me a sense of control is being helpful to other people in my life. I know I can’t control when they will need my help, but being available to provide help feels like enough for me right now.

I’ve found lots of random ways to be helpful. For example, a friend of mine needed a place to park his car that wouldn’t be on the street. He was asking if anyone knew of a cheap place for long-term parking. I have an extra parking space at my house. I have a garage that I don’t park in plus my regular parking spot. And I’ve let other friends borrow my garage in the past when they needed it because it’s not being used normally. So I offered it to this friend and he was able to use it while he was out of town for an extended period of time. I know that this was minimal effort from my end, but I know how much my friend appreciated it and I felt really good that I was able to help.

I’ve also been sending out cards to friends randomly when I know they could use some support. Sometimes I can’t do much because my friends aren’t local, but I still want to help them in some way. So sending a card for no reason can be a small way to help improve their mood. And I know these cards do help a bit when they are feeling low. And last week, I offered to help a friend get a bit of a break when she’s been dealing with a rough pregnancy and parenting a toddler. That ended up just being us hanging out and catching up for several hours, but I did help a little bit with watching her kid when she needed to step away for a few moments. And my offer to help her out is open-ended so I am very happy to go over to babysit for free when she needs it.

Being helpful really does make me feel in control and feel a lot better about things. For a long time, I have said I would love to be doing some regular volunteer work. I did a lot of volunteer work in high school and college, but I really haven’t done much after college. I’ve done a few random things, but nothing regular. And technically, my union service work is volunteering, but I’d love to do something that benefits more than just the union. But I also have been hesitant to commit to something when I know my job situation could change. Maybe I need to stop using that as an excuse so that I can have more helpful moments in my life. Even though helping others isn’t selfish, I do love how much better it makes me feel about my life.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailFinding A Social Life Where I Can (or Virtual Parties and Distance Hangouts) Default ThumbnailIs Helpfulness Out Of Style? (or Shocking People) Default ThumbnailFinding New Ways To Be Creative (or Almost As Good As Acting) Default ThumbnailShort Workout Week (or Finding Ways To Fit It All In) Default ThumbnailFinding Ways To Treat Myself (or I Wish Money Wasn’t An Issue) Default ThumbnailSpreading Some Holiday Cheer (or Finding Cheaper Ways To Make People Smile)

Comments Off on Adding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

Posted in Fun Stuff

Tagged , ,

A Bad Workout Week For A Different Reason (or I Guess I Was Too Optimistic)

Posted on January 27, 2020 | Comments Off on A Bad Workout Week For A Different Reason (or I Guess I Was Too Optimistic)

I feel like I must have cursed myself when I posted last week that I was hoping this past week of workouts would be a good week for me. I really thought I was going to have no health issues and it would help me do some of my better workouts. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with a bladder infection and the side effects of antibiotics. But that’s what happened and it affected my workouts quite a bit.

Monday’s workout was before I was able to get antibiotics so I was feeling really awful. I was in a lot of pain and was very uncomfortable during the entire workout. I didn’t think about not showing up because I knew I would still be able to do something, but I knew I also had to take it very gentle on myself. Unfortunately, it also was partially a partner workout so I had to work with someone else and I did feel a bit guilty that they were partnered with me.

The first half of the class wasn’t partnered. The cardio block was rounds of push paces to base paces and ending with an all out. I felt very similar to how I feel when I’m dealing with pain and nausea so I adjusting what I did on the bike to be what I had done the week prior. And the floor block had bicep curls on the straps, squats, plank work, and sit-ups. These all were able to be done normally, but I took a lot of breaks. I don’t think there was one exercise that I could do without taking a break in the middle of the reps.

Then it was time for the Capture The Flag partner workout. The goal of Capture The Flag was to hit certain targets on the rower. You and your partner switch off who is rowing and you don’t reset the rower for the entire 23-minute block. The person on the rower is rowing until they are tagged. And the other person does floor and cardio work before going to the rower.

The floor work was all medicine ball work. We had squats to overhead presses, push-ups with one hand on the medicine ball, and double crunches. There was also a sprint run/bike after those exercises and all those sprints took 2 minutes or under. I really tried to not take breaks when I was on the floor or bike since I knew my partner was waiting on me, but I also know that I took a lot longer than my partner did. I warned my partner that I was not doing well and that I was sorry about things, and they seemed to understand. But I was partnered with someone I didn’t know so I have no idea if they were upset with me or not. But I did my best and that’s all I could do.

By Wednesday, I was taking antibiotics but I was dealing with the side effects from them. And those side effects were very similar to the pain and nausea that I’m used to each month. It wasn’t exactly the same and the pain affected me a different way, but I guess I should be grateful that I’m used to working through it and having modifications so I wasn’t too thrown off.

Even though it was a 3 group workout, it was a run/row format. Cardio and rowing were 4-minute blocks and we switched where we were each block. So when I started on cardio I did cardio, rowing, cardio. And when I started on the rower I did rowing, cardio, rowing. Every time I was on cardio it was a sprint run/bike, then 10 squats, and then running/biking for distance with an incline. I always made it to the incline work and I did adjust the resistance level on the bike a bit. But I didn’t go as high as I would have if I was feeling ok. And every time on the rower we started with a 100-meter row and then we had 10 squats. Then it was a 150-meter row and 15 squats and 200-meter row. I didn’t get to the 20 squats after the 200-meter row for any of the 3 times I was rowing, but I was very close to finishing that last row.

And the floor was one long block. We started with ground to press with weights. When it was supposed to be hamstring curls which I modified to be weighted hip bridges. Next was supposed to be bench sit-ups to sumo squats, but I had to split those exercises up and do them separately. Then it was ab dolly work. And finally, it was suitcase squats and we were supposed to do step-ups. But I did suitcase squats as its own exercise and then did lateral lunges with weights instead of the step-ups. I was glad when the workout was done because I really wasn’t feeling ok. And the usual things I do to help with pain and nausea like waiting for it to go away since it comes in waves didn’t help me this time. I guess pain and nausea from medications are different from when it’s from hormonal fluctuations so I can’t manage it the same way. But I tried.

Friday had similar issues as Wednesday. I was on my last day of antibiotics, but I was having the same side effects that I had every day on them. I was trying to do better than I had earlier in the week, but I also knew not to push too hard because the symptoms I was experiencing wouldn’t go away the way that I was used to. But it was also a strength day so I knew I wanted to try at least a bit to see what I could do.

For cardio, we started with a push pace without incline before starting with incline work. We had a few different push paces with incline and I did work on increasing my resistance levels on the bike. We finished that section with an all out at a flat incline before moving on to the next part. We then had rounds of all outs, and some of them had inclines and some of them didn’t. I really did try my best to do the resistance levels the way I knew I should, but it was tough. I ended up taking a lot of breaks to recover a bit, even in the middle of the short all outs.

On the rower, we started with a 400-meter row and then we had squats with a medicine ball. Each round, we went down 50 meters and had the same squats. It was a bit repetitive, but that’s what I liked about it. Even though I struggled a lot with the rowing, it allowed me to focus a lot on my power and speed. I could see what I was able to do for different amounts of time and it really did help me with figuring out what some good strategies could be for future rowing challenges.

And on the floor, we had a really unique workout. We had 3 main exercises that each had 2 parts to it. The first part we always did once and the second part started with 1 rep and went up to 6. For example, the first exercise was a lunge to a neutral half thruster. First, it was 1 lunge with 1 neutral half thruster. Then it was 1 lunge and 2 neutral half thrusters, and so on until we did 6 neutral half thrusters. After completing all of those, we had burpees to a bicep curl. But I had to split up the burpees and bicep curls. Then we had push-ups (always 1 rep) to plank jacks (1-6 reps) and then more burpees and bicep curls. And the last exercise was bench sit-ups (always 1 rep) to squats (1-6 reps). And then more burpees to bicep curls. It was a lot of work but it felt like it went really quickly because we were always switching what we were doing.

And on Saturday I was finally starting to feel a bit more like myself. I was done with antibiotics, but I noticed I was feeling a bit weak. I think that was due to having to take it easy for such a long time so pushing myself was harder than normal. But I tried and it was a good workout to be able to push myself on.

Cardio and rowing had the same pattern for both blocks. For the first block, we were coached with 1-minute intervals for push pace and base pace and ended with a 1-minute all out. Then we were supposed to look at our distance for cardio or rowing and the second block was a 6-minute distance challenge. The goal was to go further in the distance challenge. For both the bike and the rower, I tried to do my actual base and push pace during the coached block. And for the distance challenge, I tried to find a pace in the middle to stay at the entire time. I did have to take breaks during all the blocks, but I feel like the distance challenges went a bit better because I didn’t have any time where I was pushing myself super hard.

And on the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block had to be modified a lot for me because it was a lot of lunges with exercises and I have a lot of issues with balance. We had swing lunges which I did holding on to the straps or the wall for balance. Then we were supposed to do lunges with hammer curls or with shoulder presses. I did the lunges and the exercises separately. And the last exercise for that block was side plank raises, which I modified to do on my knees. The last block was all work using the dumbells. We had tricep presses, reverse flys, hip raises, and bridge flys. For that block, I was able to do all the exercises normally.

I don’t want to say again that I’m hoping this week will go better than the past few weeks. But hopefully, I will get a bit of a break now from the pain and nausea. I know it will be kicking back in again soon, and I want to have some good workouts before that happens. But at least I know that I can get through those bad workouts weeks, no matter what the cause of the bad workout is.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailThis Wasn’t Going To Be A 4 Workout Week (or Some Pleasant Surprises) Default ThumbnailA Good, Strong Workout Week (or I Really Love Feeling Like Myself) Default ThumbnailLast Regular Workout Week Of 2019 (or Still Pushing Through) Default ThumbnailBirthday Workout Week (or Continuing My Progress) Default ThumbnailWorking Through My Workout Week (or At Least I Knew This Was Coming) Default ThumbnailNot My Usual Workout Recap Post (or I Survived A Bad Week)

Comments Off on A Bad Workout Week For A Different Reason (or I Guess I Was Too Optimistic)

Posted in Fitness

Tagged , ,

Being An Active And Interactive Viewer (or SAG Awards Live-Tweeting)

Posted on January 24, 2020 | Comments Off on Being An Active And Interactive Viewer (or SAG Awards Live-Tweeting)

I watch the SAG Awards every year. I love watching award shows about film and tv so I have watched them as long as I can remember. And since I’ve become a union member, I watch them because I want to see what my fellow members voted for. I like to see if the projects and performers I voted for were what a majority of the membership voted for. It’s fun to feel like I have a bit of ownership over the results of an awards show and this is the only one that I have that feeling with.

For most award shows, including the SAG Awards, I have done a bit of live-tweeting. It’s fun to be a part of a worldwide conversation as so many people are watching the same thing that I’m watching. And the discussions and debates that people have online about winners and losers are usually interesting. There isn’t a lot of negativity about the shows, which is probably one of the reasons why I like live-tweeting these and I’m not as much of a fan of live-tweeting political events. But for the show this past weekend, I had a slightly more serious live-tweeting job to do.

Since I have been doing the social media for my union slate, I haven’t really had to do a lot of live-tweeting of anything. This is probably not what should have happened, but it’s what happened. But this year, I wanted to make sure that I was using the slate’s social media to share things that happened during the show and make sure that the messages shared in speeches were shared with others. I wasn’t exactly sure what my plan would be, but I knew I’d be doing a lot of retweets and doing my best to create original tweets as I could.

For the first part of the show, most of the tweets I posted were just retweets from the official SAG Awards twitter account. This was an easy way to make sure the slate’s feed had information about who the winners were in each category. I did a few original tweets, but they were mainly comments on what was happening so I could do them during commercial breaks. I did also post a few snarkier tweets on my personal account because there were things I wanted to say that weren’t as professional as what I knew should be posted on the slate’s account.

But then I realized that I wanted to do more with the tweets I was posting for the slate. And I do love tweets that include some of the best parts of speeches. But there was no way to do things completely live because I can’t type that fast. So when I heard something that I knew I wanted to share, I had to rewind my DVR a bit and start transcribing it. Thank goodness for DVRs because I had to do a lot of rewinding and pausing. But I was able to get the quotes that I wanted to share.

I did post quotes from several of the acceptance speeches, but some of my favorites are the ones I got from President Gabrielle Carteris’ speech.

While trying to live-tweet actual speeches was a bit more stressful than making fun and snarky comments, I’m proud of the work that I was able to do. I am sure there are more efficient ways that I could get the quotes posted, but I need to figure out how to do that. I want to be able to do this again for the next SAG Awards and go even further with what I can share on social media. I might try to test out things with the upcoming Oscars since I know I will be live-tweeting for that. But I will likely do a majority of the live-tweeting on my personal account. I might share winners and retweets on the slate’s account, but that’s probably all I’ll do. And it will be harder with the Oscars since I will be watching at a party and won’t have the ability to pause or rewind things to type them out.

I know that having to live-tweet might have frustrated some people because it doesn’t necessarily allow you to fully enjoy watching it. And it stops the ability to live-tweet a bit too since I have to catch up to the live show during commercial breaks. But I didn’t mind it because it did feel very important to me to make sure our slate was sharing news from one of the most important nights for our union. I take a lot of pride in how I’ve been able to make our social media a source of information for both members and non-members. And while the SAG Awards are a bit more fun than some of the information I usually share, it’s still important to make sure people know what happens.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailGrease Live (or A Fun Night In With Friends) Default ThumbnailFinding More Ways To Help Via Social Media (or Continuing To Share Good Things) Default ThumbnailA Night Of SAG Awards (or Watching Union Unity) Default ThumbnailSAG Awards (or Being Inspired) Default ThumbnailSAG Awards (or Watching After Knowing The Winners) Default ThumbnailThe SAG Awards (or I Am An Actor)

Comments Off on Being An Active And Interactive Viewer (or SAG Awards Live-Tweeting)

Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

Posted on January 23, 2020 | Comments Off on Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

It’s been a little while since I finished the first draft of my book. I knew once I finished it that I was going to take some time away from it before I did anything else. Some of the stories about my dating were a little too fresh for me to be able to review what I wrote. And everything was still new in my mind and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to edit it too much. I did minor editing as I wrote each section, but I needed time away before I could look at it with fresh eyes to see what changes needed to be made.

And even though I wrote so much back in November, I have added stories since then. There have been a few dating situations where I knew I needed a section of my book about it. For example, I had a date last month where the guy thought the best way to fix his need to use a bathroom would be to unzip and pee on the sidewalk as we were walking. That one was so shocking that I didn’t know what to think. I just kept walking because I knew that was the end of that date. I didn’t even tell him I was done. I just kept going until I was sitting in my car. There was no way that the story wasn’t going to be in the book. It wasn’t the craziest date ever, but it’s up there. And it was the first date that I think I was truly speechless.

The main reason why I changed the format of my book to be all about life lessons was that I didn’t need to have a real ending for it. If it was a story of my dating history, I wouldn’t know how to end it until I found someone. But with it being about different lessons, I don’t have to necessarily have a happily ever after to feel like I can finish the book. Of course, I would love it if it did end that way. But I know that I can end it without that.

The next steps for the book are to edit it and then edit it a few more times. I’m pretty certain that I don’t have typos or crazy grammatical errors, but I know the stories aren’t perfect and they are probably a bit rambly (just like my blog posts are). I also probably have some stories that don’t make sense to someone other than me because I can fill in the gaps. So I want to not only edit it myself but have others read it to make sure they feel like it makes sense. Fortunately, I have several friends who have asked if they could read the book so I know I can get a lot of different opinions on if the book works.

But after editing it, I honestly have no clue what to do. I would love to get the book published because I think it is funny and entertaining and maybe a little educational as well. I really think I would have loved to have read a book with stories like mine when I got back into online dating. Plus, some of the lessons are things that I know my friends wouldn’t have thought of if they were in that situation. For example, the ways I am able to do a bit of searching to confirm my dates are telling me the truth about themselves are things that most of my friends have told me they wouldn’t have thought of doing. I would love to save someone from having to learn these lessons on their own and be able to date smarter after seeing my mistakes or issues.

I’ve also had friends who have told me I should turn my stories into a web series or something filmed, but I have never seen my book as a screenplay. I also don’t know how to write scripts so I think that is stopping me from thinking it could be a script. But I would prefer to focus on keeping it as a book and if something else happens from that, then I can figure it out from there. But the plan is to focus on keeping the book a book and seeing what can be done.

But this is where I am stuck. I don’t know how to try to get a book published or if I should look into self-publishing. I don’t know what the steps are to sell a book if I was able to do that. The entire publishing world is foreign to me and I am trying to not be overwhelmed by it. I did a little bit of research on what to do, but that was going a million steps ahead of where I am right now and it just became too much. So my only thoughts and plans are to work on the editing and then when that is done I will do the next thing. And I would love to know what that next thing would be without having to do the research, but I also know that I probably won’t have someone who comes to me telling me step by step what I need to do.

I’m going to try to start a bit of the editing process in the next month or two and then I guess I will just be figuring it out from there. And hopefully, when I get to the next step, I will have more updates I can share or I will have a better idea of what might come next.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailNot Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailNaNoWriMo Take 2 (or Still Working On The Same Book) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out The Next Step (or I Need To Keep Acting) Default ThumbnailI Actually Wrote A Book! (or Getting Myself Ready For 2020)

Comments Off on Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged ,

Back To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign)

Posted on January 22, 2020 | Comments Off on Back To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign)

When I was through my pain and nausea last week, I was so happy about it. I had when I feel awful and I try to make the most of the time I have when I’m feeling good. I was excited about this past weekend because I thought I would finally be feeling up for doing things. I had some tentative plans to see friends and there was a birthday party I was supposed to go to. And I felt pretty sure that I’d be able to accomplish those things.

I was feeling fine when I had my workout on Saturday and went home after that to shower and get ready for my weekend plans. But right after I took a shower, it felt like I hit a wall. I almost felt like I came down with the flu or something, but I was missing a lot of the symptoms I would have had if that was true. I just was exhausted and just felt drained. I ended up not making it to anything that I had planned to do that evening and spent my night on the couch watching tv and napping.

I had hoped that maybe I was just really tired and that’s why I felt that off, but on Sunday I woke up and noticed that my auto-immune disease was having a high flare day. Sometimes when I’m dealing with a flare day it’s fine and I can go on normally, I just might be a bit slower or not as enthusiastic as normal. But there are other times where it just takes it out of me and it seems like all my energy goes toward the flare day and I can’t do anything else. I assumed that this had to be the reason why I was feeling off the night before. Maybe my body knew this was coming and it was fighting it before it really hit me. So I took it easy on myself on Sunday and figured that I would be feeling better the next day.

But on Sunday night, I had yet another medical issue. I don’t know if it was a UTI or a bladder infection, but they are close enough to the same thing and they have very similar symptoms. This didn’t really hit me until after I went to bed on Sunday so I think I was a bit too sleepy to realize what was happening. But on Monday, there was no question that I needed antibiotics. Because I’ve been treated for this before, I can get a new prescription after a phone appointment. But this still took several hours to get done. Finally, I was able to get my antibiotics and I know that in a few days I’ll finally feel better.

Of course, now I’m dealing with the side effects of the antibiotics and those aren’t fun. Pain and nausea are the main side effects I get, but at least these aren’t as bad as they were last week. But it’s still annoying that I was so excited to have a good week and it ended up being a lot of medical issues piling up on me at once. I wish that these had hit me when I was already feeling awful so that I could have gotten it all done with at once. But bodies don’t work that way and I feel like sometimes dealing with medical issues is the norm that my body likes.

Looking back at my weekend after knowing what happened, I guess hitting that wall on Saturday was a sign that my body was starting to fight something big. Or maybe it was fighting 2 things. I’m not sure if my flare day was also a sign of the infection I would end up getting, but to me, it makes sense that it could be. I am super grateful that these issues are ones that I’m used to experiencing so it wasn’t too awful to figure out. And I knew what to do so I could take care of myself quickly. I still have a few more days of antibiotics so I’m not making plans for this week. I am expecting to be dealing with the side effects until I’m done taking it, but if that ends up not being true then I can just be excited that I was wrong.

I guess it’s a good thing that my body warned me that something was happening, but I didn’t really know what it was at the time. And now, I’m a bit worried that I will be paranoid every time my body hits a wall like that. But hopefully, this was a really rare situation and in the future that I’m just tired it will be due to me not sleeping enough or something simple like that.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailFeeling Sick Just Isn’t Fun (or I Was Already Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailA Low Key Post (or I Guess Things Come In Threes) Default ThumbnailBeing A Bit Paranoid (or Trying To Believe I’m Not Having More Health Issues) Default ThumbnailJust Some New Pain (or I Guess This Is A Sign Of Getting Old) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues) Default ThumbnailI Guess It’s Good I Have Time Off (or My Body Never Goes Easy On Me)

Comments Off on Back To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign)

Posted in Health

Tagged ,

Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Posted on January 21, 2020 | Comments Off on Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Yesterday, Orangetheory kicked off their transformation challenge. I’ve done the transformation challenge several times, and I’ve even got second in one! I like how OTF does the challenge because it’s not based on total weight loss but the percentage of weight loss. So it’s a bit fairer for everyone who is doing it no matter how much weight they are looking to lose.

OTF doesn’t focus on weight loss other than doing these challenges. The focus on the workouts is about getting stronger and being healthier. I like that that’s what the focus is because I think I would be getting frustrated if the focus was more on weight. My weight fluctuates so much throughout a month so the number on the scale can be annoying. But seeing that I can lift heavier weights is something that I take pride in and see a more linear path. But I know that so many people (myself included) do work out so that they can lose weight. But it’s just not the main focus for me anymore.

Between my fluctuations each week and me still trying to recover from my eating disorder, my weight journey is just crazy right now. For example, I gained about 15 pounds right before I had my period last time and it slowly came off over a week. That’s not too weird for me, but I know it’s weird. And I have been working on not getting down on myself when it happens because I’m always worried that the gain was due to food and not hormones. And even though I haven’t really been able to lose any weight recently, I know that I’m smaller than I was a few months ago. I know people say that muscle weighs more than fat, and I’m guessing that’s what happened, but it’s still a hard thing to believe in my head.

So for me, weight isn’t really something I’m trying to think about. I do have a scale so I can check in with myself or keep myself accountable or realistic when I need to, but I’m not obsessed with the scale as I used to be. When my last scale broke, I didn’t even think about replacing it for almost a month. And I didn’t care what scale I bought, even though in the past it has caused me to almost have a panic attack when I’ve had to get a new scale. It’s really nice to have that stress out of my life. I do still worry about weight from time to time, but it doesn’t control my thoughts as it did before.

I’m not sure what brought this change to me, but I think it has to do with struggling for so long to try to lose weight and not see any results. I have wanted to give up so many times on trying, but at the same time, I know that I have to continue to make good changes in my life as I am right now. Even if the number on the scale doesn’t go down, I know I am living a healthier lifestyle than I was before. And being healthier is what I need to focus on, even if my appearance doesn’t make it look like I’m doing that.

Because of my current thoughts about weight and weight loss, I didn’t even think about doing the transformation challenge. I love what the challenge is about and if I was in a different headspace I would do it. But right now, I know signing up for the challenge isn’t because I think I could win or that my weight would be any different at the end. I would basically be signing up to prove that my weight fluctuations are still there and that it doesn’t matter. And I don’t need to do that for myself.

I know some people use the challenge as a way to motivate them to go at least 3 days a week to OTF. If I needed that motivation, I think that would be a great way to get into a regular workout schedule. But I’m already going 4 days a week almost every week, so I don’t need the challenge to push me to do that. And I’m sure for most people, the prizes are enough motivation to make major lifestyle changes that can last beyond the challenge. But for me, that doesn’t work and I have felt bad when I did make a change for the challenge that I couldn’t maintain.

I am super excited for all my friends who are doing the transformation challenge and I’m going to be cheering them on to win. But for me, I just didn’t see a reason to sign up considering what my life is like right now. I didn’t feel guilty or bad about not doing it, I just have come to the realization that this type of challenge isn’t right for me right now. But maybe in the future, I will be in a better place with my eating disorder and my weight and I will sign up for a challenge and win!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWeight Loss Challenge Time (or Not Worrying About Winning) Default ThumbnailAnother Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailIt’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself) Default ThumbnailDoing A Transformation Challenge (or Maybe I Need To Change Things Up) Default ThumbnailGuess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects) Default ThumbnailGetting Weighed In (or A New Orangetheory Challenge)

Comments Off on Skipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me)

Posted in Fitness, Health, Weight Loss

Tagged , , , ,

Some Nausea And Benchmarks (or A High And Low Workout Week)

Posted on January 20, 2020 | Comments Off on Some Nausea And Benchmarks (or A High And Low Workout Week)

This past week of workouts started out not so good and ended pretty great. It really was a swing between how I felt in the beginning of the week and how I felt at the end. But I managed to make it work no matter how I felt.

Monday’s workout was an endurance day. I think it was supposed to help get us ready for our mile benchmark this week, but it was a tough one. And it was made tougher because I was feeling so awful that morning. I tried to remember that I wanted to take it easy to try to make it through as much of the workout as I could, but on an endurance day that’s not always easy.

For cardio, we had a 23-minute block. It was rounds of push paces and base paces. The base paces were 1-minute for a majority of the time, but at the end of the block, they increased to 90-seconds. And the push paces got longer each time. We started at 30-seconds and went all the way up to 3-minutes. I didn’t have a big difference between my base and push paces because of how I felt. I just tried to pedal as long as I could before needing a break. We did have an all out at the end and I did try to increase my speed a bit more for that.

On the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block had regular lunges, lateral lunges, and swing lunges with a 1-minute row. I modified the swing lunges to be regular lunges while holding weights, but I wish I had just used the straps instead. For some reason, I didn’t think of doing that when I was in class. The second block had low rows on the straps, hip hinge reverse flys, plank work, and double crunches. The only modification I had to make was using the bench for my plank work, but I do that all the time so I don’t necessarily think of it as a modification.

When class was done, I was still feeling awful, but not that much worse than I was when I started. So maybe the idea of going easy on myself is a good one that I need to continue. Of course, my pain and nausea likes to change from month to month, so what works this month might not work next month.

Wednesday’s workout was a power day. I was still feeling off, but I was over the hump and doing much better than I had been doing on Monday. So I still wanted to take it a bit easy, but I knew I could do a bit more than I had earlier in the week. And power days are perfect for that.

For cardio, we had 3 blocks. All of the blocks were intervals with 30-second push paces and base paces. Almost all the base paces were 1-minute, but there was 1 that was only 30-seconds. And all the blocks ended with a 30-second all out. I did go a bit faster with my push and all outs than I did with my base paces. It wasn’t exactly what I would normally do, but it was closer.

On the rower, we also had 3 blocks. Every block had rounds with a 150-meter row and 10 squats. Technically, we had a specific number of rounds to do for each block, but I never made it to the end of those so I spent all 3 blocks alternating between the rowing and squats. I’m glad the rows were all short because they were starting to make me feel a bit worse. But I took some time to take breaks when I needed to and it did help a lot.

And on the floor, we had 2 blocks. I did have to make quite a few modifications, but it wasn’t too bad. The first block had pull ups on the straps (which I modified to low rows), plank Spiderman to leg raises (I had to split up the exercises and do them using the bench), and hollow hold chest presses. And the second block had split stance high rows with weights, plank arm extensions (I modified these by using the bench), and single-arm snatches with weights. And just like on Monday, I was only feeling slightly worse than I had before the workout, which I consider a good thing.

Friday’s workout was the 1-mile benchmark challenge. Even though I’ve been using the bike for a while now, doing benchmarks on the bike still feels pretty new to me. I also don’t have the same type of records noted as I do on the treadmill, so it’s not always easy for me to remember what I have done or what my goal should be. Fortunately, the new Orangetheory app tracks our benchmarks as long as we enter them in the computer during the workout, so I knew what my previous attempts on the bike were like.

I was finally feeling better, but I still didn’t know if I could beat my best time on the bike. I did the math in my head with what I would need to be able to do by certain times or checkpoints with the benchmark so I could stay on track. My PR for the bike was 8:28 and I was hoping to come close to it. Even if I couldn’t beat that, I wanted to be around the 8:30 mark. And as I was biking, I knew that I was cutting it really close to being able to beat my best time. When it was down to what would likely be the last 30 seconds to get to the distance, I pushed myself harder than I think I ever have before. And it worked because I was able to get a new PR!

After the benchmark, there was still a little bit of time left before switching to the rower. We had short sprints with recovery to do on cardio, but I spent almost all of the time recovering because my legs felt like jello.

On the rower, we started with a 400-meter row and then we had 20 squats, Each round, we went down 50 meters on the row and the squats stayed the same. The rowing still felt like a bit of recovery time for me after the benchmark, so I didn’t make it as far down the rowing as I would have liked to. And on the floor, we had lunges with overhead presses, rows on the straps, torso rotations with weights, and double crunches with weights. I was feeling a bit more recovered by the floor, but I still took it a bit easy and didn’t go too heavy on the weights.

And on Saturday we had a strength day. I was feeling completely like myself and I had recovered from the benchmark the day before.

For cardio, we had 2 blocks that had a similar format. We had a 2-minute push pace with no incline, a 90-second base pace with no incline, a base pace with incline, a push pace with no incline, and we finished with a 30-second all out. The time of the incline and the push pace before the all out changed, as well as the incline we had to use. I’m glad the incline work wasn’t too long because it’s always so tough to add resistance on the bike. I did better than I thought I would, but I still could feel myself struggling a bit with the added resistance.

On the rower, we started with a 100-meter row with 10 squats with a medicine ball. We went up 100 meters each round and ended with a 400-meter row before things switched up. The second half of the block started with a 400-meter row and we had 10 medicine ball front raises. The rowing went down 100 meters each time.

And on the floor, the first block was all mini-band work. We had front raises, bird dogs with hand slides, and static crunches with scissor kicks. And the second block was all upper body work. We had single-arm chest presses, tricep extensions, and y raises on the straps. Between the mini-bands and the upper body work, my arms were sore!

I’m so glad that this past week ended on a good note. I like it when that happens because it helps me to forget the struggles I might have had for the first part of the week. And hopefully, this week will just be awesome workouts!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA Good, Strong Workout Week (or I Really Love Feeling Like Myself) Default ThumbnailAnother Weird Workout Week (or Dealing With A Different Type Of Nausea) Default ThumbnailA Short Workout Week (or I Would Have Ended On A High Note) Default ThumbnailA Low Key Workout Week (or Working Through The Stitches) Default ThumbnailBenchmarks and Hard Work (or Having A Week Of Feeling Awesome) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Bike Work (or Working Through Nausea and Pain)

Comments Off on Some Nausea And Benchmarks (or A High And Low Workout Week)

Posted in Fitness

Tagged , , ,