Tag Archives: helpful

Adding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

Posted on January 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Adding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

There is so much that is out of my control in my life. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it has stressed me out. I’ve never really focused too much on that idea before. I knew that my career is out of my control in a way because I can’t control when I get auditions or when I book jobs. I can control how prepared I am for auditions, but that doesn’t guarantee I will get the job. But I never thought too much about how much in the rest of my life is out of my control.

I have tried to find control in my life in different ways, but I haven’t necessarily been successful. The main thing that comes to mind is finding a better job. I know that there isn’t a single job that can guarantee I am not at risk for losing it or feeling a bit out of control, but having a job that isn’t contract based or pays me enough to feel like I have a bit of a buffer would be helpful. But finding a job is also out of my control because I have applied for probably hundreds of jobs and rarely get interviews. I think it might be because the jobs I’m applying for don’t have super specific qualifications and they are good jobs, so a lot of people are applying for them as well. But all I can do is keep trying and hoping that something works out for me soon.

But instead of trying to change things that are out of my control into things that are in my control, I have been focusing on finding things I know I can control and add to my life. That helps me feel a bit more in control overall. And the best thing that I have found that gives me a sense of control is being helpful to other people in my life. I know I can’t control when they will need my help, but being available to provide help feels like enough for me right now.

I’ve found lots of random ways to be helpful. For example, a friend of mine needed a place to park his car that wouldn’t be on the street. He was asking if anyone knew of a cheap place for long-term parking. I have an extra parking space at my house. I have a garage that I don’t park in plus my regular parking spot. And I’ve let other friends borrow my garage in the past when they needed it because it’s not being used normally. So I offered it to this friend and he was able to use it while he was out of town for an extended period of time. I know that this was minimal effort from my end, but I know how much my friend appreciated it and I felt really good that I was able to help.

I’ve also been sending out cards to friends randomly when I know they could use some support. Sometimes I can’t do much because my friends aren’t local, but I still want to help them in some way. So sending a card for no reason can be a small way to help improve their mood. And I know these cards do help a bit when they are feeling low. And last week, I offered to help a friend get a bit of a break when she’s been dealing with a rough pregnancy and parenting a toddler. That ended up just being us hanging out and catching up for several hours, but I did help a little bit with watching her kid when she needed to step away for a few moments. And my offer to help her out is open-ended so I am very happy to go over to babysit for free when she needs it.

Being helpful really does make me feel in control and feel a lot better about things. For a long time, I have said I would love to be doing some regular volunteer work. I did a lot of volunteer work in high school and college, but I really haven’t done much after college. I’ve done a few random things, but nothing regular. And technically, my union service work is volunteering, but I’d love to do something that benefits more than just the union. But I also have been hesitant to commit to something when I know my job situation could change. Maybe I need to stop using that as an excuse so that I can have more helpful moments in my life. Even though helping others isn’t selfish, I do love how much better it makes me feel about my life.

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Is Helpfulness Out Of Style? (or Shocking People)

Posted on May 6, 2015 | Comments Off on Is Helpfulness Out Of Style? (or Shocking People)

Over the past few days, I’ve had several friends say to me how nice it was of me to help them. I’ve helped friends with rides, finding cheap airport parking, reconnecting makeup artists to actors, advice on blogging, and shopping finds. It’s not a big deal to me at all. Someone needs something and I know it. So I help them. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve got a bit of downtime between customers at my day job so I can use that free time to research things for people if they don’t have time themselves.

But the way that some of my friends have thanked me have made it seem like they were shocked that I would go out of my way to do something for someone that I wouldn’t get anything out of. And that shocked reaction has stuck with me because it seemed like a no-brainer to help out.

I’ve always tried to be a helpful person. When I moved to LA, there were so many actors who weren’t willing to share any advice with me and said that I needed to find my own way and learn my own lessons. When I started my blog, I had some bloggers say a similar thing to me. It took me by surprise that people didn’t want to help out someone just starting out.

Now, I need to say that these people are in the minority, but what they said and how they refused to help me have stuck out in my mind. Even more so than all the people who were willing to help. But I think in most things in life, the negativity sticks out in your memory a lot more than any amount of positivity.

So when someone needs help with something that I can help with, I don’t question it for a second. I do what I can and hopefully either I or another person can get them what they need.

Why can’t this be the rule instead of the exception? Why are people not willing to help out like they used to? Why do people need to learn their own lessons instead of learning from other’s mistakes (isn’t that what history classes are pretty much all about)?

I’d love it if being helpful could become more common. I’d love it if the next time I help someone, they can just say “thank you” and not be shocked that I am willing to help.

Why is this so difficult for people? As an actor and blogger I guess I could see that people don’t want to help someone who could be considered competition. I just don’t get that. For acting, if a part is meant for me it’s meant for me. It doesn’t matter if my direct competition is there or not. And as a blogger, I doubt that someone would lose out on an advertiser or sponsored post because of me because every blogger has a slightly different story. So maybe I just don’t view my “competition” as competition. One of them is a good friend of mine.

I don’t know how to make this change in the world except to keep being helpful myself. And hopefully others will pass on the helpfulness to others.

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff

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The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Posted on September 19, 2013 | Comments Off on The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Yesterday was my mom’s first day of chemo. She did awesome, I had a weird day.

I was at work for the day (only a few more days left before unemployment). And my whole shift I was wondering what was happening with my mom. I know that my dad was with her so she wasn’t alone. And I helped her get her laptop set up for Netflix so she could watch tv shows while getting the treatment (she picked out “Orange Is The New Black” and “How I Met Your Mother” as the shows she’ll watch during chemo). But I had the weirdest thoughts in my head.

I was curious if she made any friends in the chemo room. I wanted her to have a good time while there (or as good of a time as you could while getting chemo). I wanted the nurses to be super nice to her (turns out, my mom gave them all triple-layer brownies so they love her even more than they already did).

A friend joked to me that I’m almost worrying about her like a parent worries about their kid on the first day of school.

My mom texted me as soon as she was done yesterday and I also talked to her on the phone, so I know that she’s ok. And I really have no question that she will be ok.

But it’s weird not being there for her and my dad. I’m planning on flying up there sometime next month to hangout and do some more cleaning on my old bedroom (which was turned into a gym about 10 years ago). But somehow I feel like I should be there 24/7.

I know that that isn’t a reality, nor do my parents want me there all the time. But I feel kind of helpless in LA. When I talked to my mom yesterday after her chemo, she was talking about how she was making dinner for the next night so she didn’t have to worry about it then. She shouldn’t have to be making dinners (but she does love to cook so it isn’t a total chore for her). I should be. And yes, I’ve looked into the cost of me making food and shipping it to her and it is beyond ridiculous. Maybe if I win the lottery or something I could do it, but it won’t be happening otherwise.

So for now, I’m just at my house waiting and worrying. I know that eventually, all of this will feel normal to me. I’m just hoping that that eventually comes soon.

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Posted in Family, Health, Tough Stuff

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