There is so much that is out of my control in my life. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it has stressed me out. I’ve never really focused too much on that idea before. I knew that my career is out of my control in a way because I can’t control when I get auditions or when I book jobs. I can control how prepared I am for auditions, but that doesn’t guarantee I will get the job. But I never thought too much about how much in the rest of my life is out of my control.
I have tried to find control in my life in different ways, but I haven’t necessarily been successful. The main thing that comes to mind is finding a better job. I know that there isn’t a single job that can guarantee I am not at risk for losing it or feeling a bit out of control, but having a job that isn’t contract based or pays me enough to feel like I have a bit of a buffer would be helpful. But finding a job is also out of my control because I have applied for probably hundreds of jobs and rarely get interviews. I think it might be because the jobs I’m applying for don’t have super specific qualifications and they are good jobs, so a lot of people are applying for them as well. But all I can do is keep trying and hoping that something works out for me soon.
But instead of trying to change things that are out of my control into things that are in my control, I have been focusing on finding things I know I can control and add to my life. That helps me feel a bit more in control overall. And the best thing that I have found that gives me a sense of control is being helpful to other people in my life. I know I can’t control when they will need my help, but being available to provide help feels like enough for me right now.
I’ve found lots of random ways to be helpful. For example, a friend of mine needed a place to park his car that wouldn’t be on the street. He was asking if anyone knew of a cheap place for long-term parking. I have an extra parking space at my house. I have a garage that I don’t park in plus my regular parking spot. And I’ve let other friends borrow my garage in the past when they needed it because it’s not being used normally. So I offered it to this friend and he was able to use it while he was out of town for an extended period of time. I know that this was minimal effort from my end, but I know how much my friend appreciated it and I felt really good that I was able to help.
I’ve also been sending out cards to friends randomly when I know they could use some support. Sometimes I can’t do much because my friends aren’t local, but I still want to help them in some way. So sending a card for no reason can be a small way to help improve their mood. And I know these cards do help a bit when they are feeling low. And last week, I offered to help a friend get a bit of a break when she’s been dealing with a rough pregnancy and parenting a toddler. That ended up just being us hanging out and catching up for several hours, but I did help a little bit with watching her kid when she needed to step away for a few moments. And my offer to help her out is open-ended so I am very happy to go over to babysit for free when she needs it.
Being helpful really does make me feel in control and feel a lot better about things. For a long time, I have said I would love to be doing some regular volunteer work. I did a lot of volunteer work in high school and college, but I really haven’t done much after college. I’ve done a few random things, but nothing regular. And technically, my union service work is volunteering, but I’d love to do something that benefits more than just the union. But I also have been hesitant to commit to something when I know my job situation could change. Maybe I need to stop using that as an excuse so that I can have more helpful moments in my life. Even though helping others isn’t selfish, I do love how much better it makes me feel about my life.
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