Tag Archives: tough

Remembering A Year Ago (or Still So Grateful My Friend Got Help)

Posted on September 5, 2019 | Comments Off on Remembering A Year Ago (or Still So Grateful My Friend Got Help)

About a year ago, I wrote a post about a friend who I had to force to get help because I felt they were a danger to themselves. That night was one of the most terrifying nights of my life. I have shared a lot of what happened with my friend because he doesn’t remember much about it (which I’m grateful for because I said some harsh things to him to force him to get help). When I wrote that post a year ago, I had no idea what my relationship would be like with my friend. Now, I’m so grateful that it hasn’t changed. If anything, we have gotten closer.

That night will stick out in my mind for so many things. I feared what would happen if my friend didn’t listen to me. I had threatened to call the police to get him if he didn’t go to a hospital, but I was so worried he would drive somewhere else and I couldn’t call for help for him. I didn’t think he would do anything to hurt himself while he was in the car, but I was still scared he would get in an accident because he was acting very irrational. I had no clue if my friend would talk to me again but I had to realize I was willing to sacrifice our friendship if that meant his life would be saved.

But some positives came out of that night. First of all, my friend got the help he needed. He has told me since that night that his doctors believe he might have harmed himself that night, so he needed to get help and he did. He has done some amazing work with his doctors and in therapy in the past year and I’m so glad that he has taken those steps. If that horrible night was what needed to happen for him to get the help and medical care he needed, that’s a good thing. I also witnessed so many friends coming together to help, both that night and for the days after it. We pulled together to help our friend with things like moving his car to a place where it won’t be towed, picking him up when he was coming home, making sure he had things he needed, and looking into options for paying for his medical bills.

My friend has also become much more open regarding this since this happened a year ago. I think that’s a good thing because more people can learn from what he has gone through and that can support him if they are going through something similar. I’ve shared on here several things that I battle with, and I have only seen positive things from being open. I hope that that’s what my friend is experiencing as well. From what I’ve seen, he has only gotten good things from his openness.

I know that my friend has been a bit anxious about this anniversary and I can understand that. He has gone through so much in the past year and I have only seen a fraction of it. I have tried to remind him that this is also an anniversary of him getting help and starting a new phase of his life. I’m sure he is remembering things from before and it’s not always easy to see the difference in your own life sometimes, but I see the difference. I know he isn’t the same person he was a year ago. I don’t worry about him the way I used to because I know he is in a much better headspace than he was before. I know that he is more comfortable reaching out and asking for help if he needs it. He has more resources than he had before and can manage things differently. I’ve only seen positive changes in him and that makes me hopeful that things are just going to continue to get better.

A year ago, I had no clue what would happen or if my friend would be ok. I’m so glad that things turned out the best that they could. I know that not everything is perfect, but they are being worked on. And seeing all these positive changes in my friend makes me feel better about forcing him to get help because that was something I really did struggle with. But now, there’s no question that it was the right thing to do and I hope that anyone who knows of someone who is at serious risk of harming themselves would do the same. It’s not easy to do, but it was the right thing to do.

And if you are struggling and want help, there are many resources out there. Going to an emergency room is an option if you don’t feel safe. They will help you and make sure that you are safe or get the help that you need. But I know that some people can’t or won’t do that for a variety of reasons. So if you don’t want to do that or are not sure if you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There are available 24/7 and can offer resources or just be someone to listen to you. Getting help isn’t easy, but hopefully, you will see the good that comes out of it by hearing a little bit of what my friend accomplished since he got help.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSo Many Birthdays and Anniversaries! (or A Month Of Celebrating And Remembering) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailTrying To Help A Friend (or Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?) Default ThumbnailTen Years Ago (or Another Big Milestone) Default ThumbnailSo Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day) Default ThumbnailIt Can Be Tough To Get Help (or Trying To Be A Good Friend To My Friends)

Comments Off on Remembering A Year Ago (or Still So Grateful My Friend Got Help)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Too Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive)

Posted on May 16, 2019 | Comments Off on Too Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive)

Lately I’ve been feeling like I have so many negative things in my life. Whenever someone asks me how I’m doing, I have a list of reasons why things aren’t easy. Sometimes it’s being nauseous, sometimes it’s random pain, and sometimes it the aftermath of things I do to stay healthy. I’m not trying to complain just to complain, I’m being honest. I’ve seen how many people just say that they are fine because they don’t want to seem like they aren’t ok. But for me, I take pride in not hiding when I’m struggling or going through a tough time.

But now, it feels like I’m struggling because I’m struggling and it’s becoming a cycle. I don’t go out of my way to complain or find negative things in my life, but they seem to become the focus without me trying. Even when I’m coming up with things to write about on here, when something in wrong in my life that seems to inspire more than when good things happen.

I know I’ve had this issue before and it usually takes me becoming aware to get out of it. Sometimes I forget that being honest doesn’t have to mean sharing everything or that it can’t include good things. And I do have lots of good things in my life that I know are just as important as any of these bad things. But just knowing it doesn’t necessarily help with getting out of this funk or feeling of negativity. It does help to have something else I can try to focus on, but it doesn’t guarantee that it will happen.

And it doesn’t help with the negative things that I’m struggling with are things that I can’t avoid. If I’m in a bad mood because of something I can change, then I can work toward a better mood by changing it. But I can’t control the pain that I’m in. I am finally almost done with dealing with my back issues and the pain is only happening at random and rare moments. But I’m still worried about doing something that will bring it back so I am still being careful. And the pain I have from the temporary crown isn’t going to necessarily go away until I get the permanent one. I tried to get the appointment for that as soon as possible, but it is dependent on when the lab can complete it so I can’t make it sooner. Neither types of pain are something that I have control over or can change just because I want to. I either have to just be in this struggle or find a new way to look at it to get through it.

I don’t have any answers to that right now. I have figured out ways to work through my hip pain or nausea with a better mindset, but that’s because those things don’t go away. I have to deal with them over and over and there is really no other choice for me but to work through. I’m not always in the best mood when dealing with it, but the constant need to do it has helped. Hopefully my back won’t become a recurring issue and I won’t need a lot of dental work coming up. So I’m not sure if I don’t know how to work through these or if I’m not motivated to do the work because I shouldn’t need it again.

I am focusing on my happiness checklist and making sure that I prioritize doing those activities. I am making sure that any plans I make don’t prevent me from doing things that I know will help my mood and put me into a more positive place. And I know doing those do help, but I’m hoping that they will be helping more and sooner since I want to get out of this funk. I am also trying to do more of those things on my checklist each day even though I know I don’t have to do them all every day. But the more good I can put into my life the better.

Hopefully putting all this in writing will help turn things around for me. Sometimes you do just need to get it out to move on. But if it isn’t enough, at least I know it’s something to work on and eventually I’ll be back to my positive self.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailTrying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary) Default ThumbnailThis Month Hasn’t Quite Gone The Way I Thought It Would (or Just Being Honest) Default ThumbnailStill Working Through The Pain (or I’m Going To Stay Positive About This) Default ThumbnailIt’s Always Unexpected (or Sending Positive Energy To A Co-Worker) Default ThumbnailUnexpected Injuries (or I’m Still Doing My 5K Tonight) Default ThumbnailPositive Thinking And Putting It Out There Worked (or Working For Another Old Boss)

Comments Off on Too Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

The Power Of My Voice (or Even More Closure)

Posted on April 24, 2019 | Comments Off on The Power Of My Voice (or Even More Closure)

A month ago, I wrote about how almost every month I learn something new about myself through my adventures in dating. And of course, I’ve learned another thing recently. And it is actually something I learned through the same guy I was writing about before. He is someone I was seeing on and off for a while but he is now engaged. He has continued to message me saying how he was confused and wanted to talk. While I felt like I had the closure I needed, I also couldn’t deny him the same. I know I don’t owe anything to anyone, but I can’t help it.

When we saw each other, he panicked and freaked out. He said he wanted to leave and while I didn’t want to hold him hostage I also didn’t want to lose this chance. I don’t plan on seeing him again because I have moved on and don’t care what he does with his life. He is the one who is still confused. It’s unfortunate since he is the one getting married soon, but I can’t control what he wants to do with his life. If he feels like he needs or wants to get married but is still confused about it, that’s on him. And I wanted to finally have the talk in person that we have been avoiding for a while.

He didn’t do much talking, but I did. Most of the things I said to him were things I have said to him over text. It was mainly about how he hurt me and how I have had to move on. I mentioned how I couldn’t forget what he did and how he was a coward in failing to be honest to me. I wasn’t trying to be mean or harsh, just truthful in what I felt and thought. I know it wasn’t nice and he didn’t like hearing what I had to say, but if he wasn’t going to talk about what he wanted to talk about I was going to talk about what I wanted to say.

He eventually left without saying much more than that he was sorry and that he couldn’t talk. He left very shook up by what I was saying and it surprised me to see that. I wasn’t saying things he didn’t know already. But I realized that every time he heard that from me in the past it was over text. Since he previously knew me as sweet and gentle (how I normally am in real life), maybe he was reading those messages from me with that same vibe. But hearing me say it and how strong I was being probably made him realize I wasn’t kidding before. Hearing the words come out of me most likely hit him in a different way than he had experienced before.

So much of our communication these days is over text. Not just with dating, but with work and personal stuff too. Even with my day job, I get more customers using our online chat system than phone calls. Texts are so much easier to do sometimes and they allow people to multi-task. But it also can lead to confusion since there is a lack of tone over text. While I feel like missing the tone usually leads to a text sounding worse than it really is, in this case with this guy it seems like it made it seem better. My feelings and thoughts were probably not taken seriously because my tone was missing. At least now I know that he knows exactly what I meant and if he is still confused that is completely on him. I cannot force him to be clear in what he wants, all I can do is make sure that I make myself clear. And that’s what I did.

Since meeting up with that guy, I have been more aware of when I send a text instead of calling or saying something in person. I know that not everyone likes to talk on the phone, but I can at least make an effort if I feel like something would be better over the phone. And some people will answer or will text if they can’t talk asking if they can call back later. I’m being extra cautious about what I text to someone and am going that extra step to call when I’m not totally sure if my tone would come across. It might be a silly thing, but realizing how little someone understood what I meant over text has made me so aware of making sure that it doesn’t happen again. It’s not about things as seriously as they were with this guy, but I’m still glad when I feel like someone knows what I’m saying and what I feel about it.

Obviously I will still do a ton of texting since that is much easier than calling and a lot of things can be said over text with no issues. But realizing the power of my voice with this one guy made me realize that I don’t appreciate that power enough and I should use it more often.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailYet Another Life Lesson From Dating (or Finding Power When Not In Control) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future) Default ThumbnailThis Might Be A Breakthrough For Me (or Trying To Believe I’m Not Unloveable) Default ThumbnailBeing Hurt And Finding Closure (or Still Finding Out More About Myself Through Dating)

Comments Off on The Power Of My Voice (or Even More Closure)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , , , ,

Biking and Burpees (or Some Nauseous Workouts)

Posted on October 15, 2018 | Comments Off on Biking and Burpees (or Some Nauseous Workouts)

This past week of workouts were pretty tough for me. I was dealing with some of the worst nausea I had ever experienced (although I was fortunate that the worst day was on a rest day) and I figured that was what made these workouts so hard. But after almost all my classes, the coaches were saying how tough these workouts were. So I guess it wasn’t just me. Since Hell Week is coming up soon, a bunch of us thought of these classes as preparation for it. But knowing that it wasn’t just me struggling didn’t make these workouts any easier!

Monday’s workout was an endurance day, and right when I got to my workout I started experiencing some bad nausea. I took medication right before class, but I knew it would take a bit of time to kick in. So while I was on the bike for the cardio part of class I was battling how I was feeling.

The idea for the cardio workout was a 23 minute distance run, but it was coached with different push to base paces. I tried to follow the coaching and use the resistance levels on the bike that I normally do, but when I was feeling off I brought the resistance down and just focused on not stopping. I wasn’t doing too bad during the bike considering how I was feeling before class, but I also know that I wasn’t doing my absolute best either.

On the floor, it was one long block that had two parts. The first part was regular floor work and the second part had rowing and squats. The regular floor work included dumbbell swings, lunges, uppercuts, and plank leg lifts. At first, we did 3 rounds of that before moving to the rower for a 150 meter row and 8 squats. Then we went back to the floor and did 2 rounds of it plus 2 rounds of rowing and squats. Finally it was 1 round of floor work and 3 rounds of rowing. I made it through the doing just 1 round of floor work before class was over. I was using slightly lighter weights than normal and my rowing wasn’t quite as fast as I usually go, but consider the issues I was dealing with I didn’t really care.

Wednesday’s workout was a strength workout and my nausea was even worse. Not only was I dealing with nausea, but I was in a lot of pain from cramps and I was very bloated. All of those things didn’t make me too excited to work out, but I also knew doing it would help me feel a bit more normal.

Each of the cardio blocks had a similar format with a long push pace, a base pace, a base pace at an incline, a base pace back on a flat treadmill, and an all out pace. I was on the bike and tried doing what I could with my resistance levels. I managed to get pretty close to what I normally do, but I was pedaling much slower than normal. Compared to other classes, I only did about 75% of the distance on the bike. I was a bit surprised how much less I did when it felt like I did more effort. But I think the effort was from overcoming how I felt that morning.

On the floor we also had 3 blocks. Each block started with a 200 meter row. We were supposed to do stroke counts and work on increasing our wattage, but I just tried to do it without stopping. All of them took more than a minute which is pretty long for me. Then we had one row type exercise with weights and one core exercise each block. For the row type exercises we had split stance low rows, split stance high rows, and upright rows. And for the core work we had double crunches, plank pull throughs, and half get ups. I was using some good weights for all the weighted work which helped me feel better after doing less than what I hoped on the bike.

I got through the worst of my nausea on Thursday which was a rest day, but I was still not feeling that great on Friday. But I was happy that I got through the worst part and that I might be able to do some better work in the workout. But then I discovered that this workout was a special one for World Burpee Day and it wasn’t really designed for someone who couldn’t bounce around too much or be parallel to the ground without being nauseous.

Fortunately, that class was a 3 group one, so I was at each section of the room for about 15 minutes. I started with cardio on the bike and we had 3 blocks that were each 4 minutes long. We had a 90 second hill which had decreasing inclines every 30 seconds, a flat base pace, a push pace at an incline, and an all out pace (I don’t remember if this was at an incline or not for the treadmills). I worked on trying to do my best with my resistance levels on the bike and I actually did a bit higher resistance levels than I had to with the 90 second hills because I used the same resistance pattern each time when it was supposed to be a bit less each time.

On the rower, we had rounds of rowing with mini band arm raises between each row. We started at a 700 meter row and we were supposed to decrease by 100 meters each time we got back on the rower. My only goal was to try to row as long as I could without stopping. I managed to do that for the 700 meter row, but that might have been a mistake because that was the only row I could do without stopping. For the 600 and 500 rows, I was only able to go about 45 seconds before I was having waves of nausea and needed to pause. I didn’t get as much rowing done as I would have liked to because of the breaks, but I did my best.

And then I was on the floor for all the burpees. We had 5 types of burpees to do in the workout. We had regular burpees, burpees with a plank jack, rolling burpees, burpees with step ups, and ultimate burpees. Between each type of burpees we had crunches and the goal was to make it through all of the burpees before class was done. I knew that I’d have to do modifications for every single type because of my nausea. I had to use the bench for my hands for all of them because I didn’t want to be flat on the ground. Normally when I use the bench I can jump my feet back and forth, but I had to step back and step together again. I also can’t do step ups so I do lunges instead (and I had to split it up so I did all the burpees first and the lunges after). Even with all the modifications, I still needed to take a lot of breaks. But somehow I was on the last round of crunches when class was done so I did make it through all 5 types of burpees.

Saturday’s class was a mix of endurance, strength, and power. I was a little sore from the workout the day before (and Friday night I was at Disneyland but I’ll write about that tomorrow) and I was still getting over the nausea. But it was one of the lighter nausea days so I knew I’d be able to do some really great work on the bike.

We had a switch class where all the blocks were 4.5 minutes and we switched between cardio and the floor every block. All the cardio blocks were the same with a 30 second push pace, 1 minute base pace, 2 minute push pace, and 1 minute all out. For the first block I used my normal resistance levels on the bike, but I realized I could do more. So for the other 3 blocks, I had my base, push, and all out resistances 1 level higher than I normally use. It was a bit tough doing that for all the 2 minute push paces, but it felt really great each time when I completed the block and moved to the floor. I felt really strong and fast and I needed that little victory.

On the floor, we had 3 floor blocks and 1 rowing block. For each of the floor blocks we had 1 Bosu exercise and 1 other exercise. The Bosu exercises were single arm chest presses, back extensions, and pull overs. I had the do the back extensions on the ground because of my nausea, but for everything else I used the Bosu and had some good weights to use. And the other exercises were single leg V ups, single arm power jacks, and single arm clean to presses. Again, for the weights I was using what I have been using lately so that was great. And for the rowing block, we had a 600 meter row and then 20 seconds to recover. We were supposed to do a 300 meter row next followed by a 150 meter row, but my 600 meter row took so long that I only had time to recover for 20 seconds and then do just under a minute of rowing to finish class.

I’m really hopeful this week I won’t have any bad nausea days. I might have some mild ones toward the beginning of the week, but I know that it won’t be as bad as what I had this past week. And I’m so glad that for Hell Week it should be a good week too because I can’t imagine how it would be doing those workouts feeling how I did this past week. Of course, there is always a chance that I might have some nausea during that week, but hopefully this week prepared me for how to make it through!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA Week Of Tough Workouts (or Frustration As Motivation) Default ThumbnailAlmost End Of The Year Workouts (or Hitting A Milestone And Debating A New Plan) Default ThumbnailIt’s Mayhem Time (or Working My Way Through Some Tough Workouts) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Walking and Biking (or Getting Through Some Low-Key Workouts) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Nauseous Workouts (or Just Doing My Best) Default ThumbnailA Week Full Of Rowing (or Figuring Out What I Can Do When Nauseous)

Comments Off on Biking and Burpees (or Some Nauseous Workouts)

Posted in Fitness

Tagged , , , , ,

So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Posted on August 15, 2018 | Comments Off on So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Despite the fact that I have had to deal with my horrible hormonal nausea issues for almost 2 years, it still takes me by surprise many times when it hits me. Sometimes it’s because I thought maybe I’d be escaping the issues that month and sometimes I think I forget how bad things can get for me. I have multiple remedies and prescriptions to help me, but it doesn’t always work. I’m continuing to work with my doctor to find what other things I can do, but since the best remedy (any form of hormonal birth control) is not an option for me it can be tough to figure out what I can do. It’s a lot of trial and error and it can be a long process to find what will work.

I knew this week was potentially going to be a bad week for me, but since it wasn’t that bad for me last week I was optimistic. I am grateful that I track things so that I am aware when I might feel horrible, and it’s always a pleasant surprise when I feel completely normal. I woke up on Monday not feeling so great and tried my best to do what I could. But I was getting sick and in a lot of pain and just had to suffer through it. I was able to reschedule a dentist appointment I was supposed to have then because I was terrified to get sick there (so I guess that’s one good thing my nausea got me). It wasn’t the worst I had felt but it was also not nothing and I just had to take it easy and hope I would feel better the next day.

When trying to sleep on Monday night, I was miserable. Nothing I had was helping me and I know that I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I was tossing and turning and getting up every 30 minutes or so to try to stretch out or take some painkillers. Tuesday morning I needed to work and I don’t know if I’ve ever been more grateful to work from home. We are at the end of our slow season so there was a bit of downtime between customers. I spent that downtime laying on my couch or on the floor to try to feel better. I was moving my body around to find how to make the pain go away and I know I looked crazy.

If this had happened at any of my old day jobs, I don’t know what I would have done. This pain is the exact reason I was put on the pill to begin with. I didn’t want to have to suffer while in school or trying to work and have to miss several days of whatever I was doing to stay home. I’m so grateful that I’m at home while I work so I can do all the crazy things I might need to do to try to feel better. All of my remedies are here so I can try whatever I need to. And worst case, I can bring my computer and phone with me into my bed and I can work from there. But I try not to do that since it is so much easier to type on a desk than on my bed.

I hate feeling like I’m complaining about this because I know that some people have it much worse than I do. But I’ve also noticed that when I have written about things like this that people reach out to me saying they have the same issue. Sometimes they find something in my post that helps them and sometimes they have something to recommend for me to try.

I am cautiously optimist that things might get better from me. When I starting dealing with this all again, I was averaging almost 2 weeks a month of pain and nausea. The last few months it’s been closer to a week or a week and a half of issues. And last month was just a week. I don’t think it will ever go away completely but if it could stay just a week or be more mild than it has been in the past I would be so happy. I hate the feeling that I’m missing out on things or not able to do what I need because of something that happens every month for me.

But for now, I’m just trying to make it through however many days I will feel like this and will try to figure out any other things I can do while working to try to feel better.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailWorking Through The Workouts (Modifications Are Harder At Home) Default ThumbnailEnough With Being Sick (or Holy Moly I’m Craving Exercise) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea) Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

Comments Off on So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff, Work

Tagged , , ,

This Month Hasn’t Quite Gone The Way I Thought It Would (or Just Being Honest)

Posted on July 26, 2018 | 3 comments

I’ve never tried to only show the good parts of my life on here. I know some people only share the good and happy things on social media (and if I’m being honest I tend to share those much more often than anything negative or sad), but I’ve always tried to be honest and upfront about where I am and how I’m doing. And the honest truth is that this month has been exceptionally rough for me.

It hasn’t been due to one thing in particular and nothing has been really bad. But I’ve had enough little things that got to me that added up and have made things a bit of a struggle lately. I’m not depressed or at any risk of harming myself, but it does make me upset that I’m not feeling as happy as I should or that things that I know make me happy aren’t really doing that for me the way they did before. I will also say that I have an appointment with my therapist soon so I will be discussing this with her and making sure I’m doing all the things I should be doing for me.

Getting over being sick and dealing with feeling nauseous has been something I’ve dealt with for a while. My energy hasn’t been as high as it usually is and I am feeling more exhausted by things. I have been working on doing more things because I know that sometimes being bored and lazy can make your energy levels low, but it’s not easy. I also have been struggling with the heat waves we’ve had lately. I know that my body is really affected by the heat and I just have to go with the flow when that happens. I tell myself that when my clothes are fitting me when I know they should and it’s very hot out that it’s not that I gained weight. But it’s hard to get the voice out of my head that says that it’s my fault and not the weather’s.

I’ve also been feeling overwhelmed by online dating. I’m still having fun and have met some nice guys, but I’m ready to be done with it. I said before how I miss not caring and that’s one of the best ways to explain how I feel. I hate that I’m feeling hurt by some of the guys I’ve met. More often that not I’m just annoyed by some of the behavior I’m encountering (like guys who unmatch with me minutes before we are supposed to meet up) but there have been some guys who have ghosted me after one or two dates and it just gets to me. Nobody deserves to be ghosted and I wish these guys could be adult enough to say that they weren’t interested in seeing me again instead of having me wonder for a little bit what happened. I’ve reviewed some of these guys in my head and I don’t think that in most cases I’ve done anything wrong. But I’m trying to learn and also trying to limit how much time I spend on the various apps because it can just be too much at times.

And despite my best efforts, my self-care has been lacking this month. I’ve had some big ideas of things I wanted to do to make sure I was taking care of myself and they just didn’t happen. I’ve tried to get back into it this week as I’ve realized that this has been something I wasn’t doing, but it’s not easy to get back into a habit that was barely a habit when you dropped it. I’m going to start working on a schedule that I can add to my reminders app so that different self-care things aren’t forgotten even if my days get crazy and I feel overwhelmed again.

Like with so many things in my life, once I realized that this was happening and that this month was getting a bit more negative that I would like I was able to start working on turning things around. That was one of the things that motivated me to go to the movies with my friends this week. Even thought this month is almost over there is still time to turn it around and end the month on a much more positive note. I also know that having some down weeks can be a normal part of life and doesn’t mean that something is really wrong with me. It can feel like I’m in a deep hole when I’m in the middle of it, but when I make it through I know that it’s not usually as bad as it seemed before. I just need to get to the other side of this and get back to the happier life that I love to have.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailJust A Day Can Turn Things Around (or Things Are Getting Better) Default ThumbnailIs This A Year Of Being Selfish? (or A Month Of Saying No) Default ThumbnailMaking It Through A Tough Week (or I’m Glad I’m Scheduling Some Fun) Default ThumbnailRefocusing And Getting Back To Me (or Doing A Bit Of The Same This Month) Default ThumbnailTaking A Month To Reset (or This Doesn’t Really Feel Like A Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailBeing As Honest As Possible (or Making People Feel Awkward)

3 Comments

Posted in Dating, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

It Can Be Tough To Get Help (or Trying To Be A Good Friend To My Friends)

Posted on June 14, 2018 | Comments Off on It Can Be Tough To Get Help (or Trying To Be A Good Friend To My Friends)

It wasn’t that long ago that I wrote about depression and how a few of my friends were going through very tough times. I had some friends who had tried to kill themselves and fortunately they were no successful in it so they could get help. Even though I always have made myself available to my friends if they need someone to talk to, they didn’t necessarily reach out to me before they tried to end their lives. I know this is a very selfish thought, but I was angry at them for not calling me so I could help them.

With the recently celebrity suicides in the news, a lot of people are wondering why Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain wouldn’t have asked for help. They had so many people in their lives who cared about them and would have been there for them. Everyone is always saying that if you need help that you should ask for it. But I’ve learned from what my friends experienced that it’s not that simple. If they are in a head space to ask for help, they will do that. But because mental illness can make you think untrue things are fact, they sometimes have said that they believed that they weren’t worthy of getting help or that none of their friends would have helped.

As much as I want to convince them that those statements aren’t true, I know that I can’t necessarily change their minds. I can tell my friend every day that they are a worthy and amazing person and they might still have the voice in their head saying that I’m lying to them and that they’re worthless. I can’t force mental illness to go out of someone’s mind by my positivity, despite how hard I try to do that. I wish I could make that true, but it can’t always be true when someone is in a deep depression.

It can feel like there is no way to help a friend if they won’t reach out to you when they need the help. I have struggled with figuring out how to be a good and supportive friend when it feels like the support isn’t enough or doing the trick. But after the suicides last week, more and more people are being open about their battles with mental illness and there have been some commonalities with the stories with what has helped.

So many people have shared how they were very close to killing themselves when a friend randomly called or texted them. Sometimes people were reaching out to them to make plans, and sometimes it was just to share a stupid story or meme they found online. Whatever it was, that contact was enough to snap them out of the mental illness fog they were in and realized that they needed to get help because they weren’t safe. I’ve personally experienced that with a friend. They were about to kill themselves when they got a text from another friend. I don’t know what the content was of that text, but my friend ended up calling me while they were driving to the hospital to be checked in. They snapped out of it and were able to be admitted to the hospital to get the help they needed.

We can’t always be constantly checking in with our friends when we know they are struggling, but we can all make more of an effort to be better friends and to remember to just say hi via text to friends every so often. That’s a good thing to do for friends with mental illness as well as friends who don’t. It helps you stay connected to friends when it’s so easy to let months go by without talking to a friend. When you see them posting on social media, it can seem like you’ve been in touch when you really haven’t. I’m guilty of this quite a bit and I’ve been working on fixing it. And now I have a bigger reason why I need to fix my bad habits.

Of course, if you need help and know you need it, there are many ways you can do that. If you have a friend you can reach out to so you can make sure that you can be safe, do that. If you don’t have that or can’t do that, you can call 911 or drive to a hospital to get help. And there is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline that you can call or text to talk to someone.

While this might not sound like good news, but the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has reported a significant increase in calls in the past week. But that is good news because people are getting the help that they need by a trained professional. Hopefully they are able to find all the resources that they need to continue to get help and they will be able to get through this. It takes such a strong person to not only admit they need help but are able to take action to get the help they need.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailI Know The Holidays Can Be Tough (or Trying To Give Support To My Friends) Default Thumbnail“BLUE” (or Supporting A Friend’s Film) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailFriends Helping Friends (or Not Being Afraid To Ask For Support) Default ThumbnailRemembering A Year Ago (or Still So Grateful My Friend Got Help) Default ThumbnailI’m So Glad My Friend Called Me (or Forcing Someone To Get Help)

Comments Off on It Can Be Tough To Get Help (or Trying To Be A Good Friend To My Friends)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Another Weird Workout Week (or Dealing With A Different Type Of Nausea)

Posted on May 7, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Weird Workout Week (or Dealing With A Different Type Of Nausea)

I wrote recently about having to go to the doctor and get on antibiotics for an infection. Doing that kind of messed with my workouts this past week. I thought I was going to have a week with nausea only at the beginning of the week, and it ended up being a week that was full of feeling off.

Monday’s workout was the last day of my mileage challenge and I knew based on how I was feeling that I would need to be on the bike for the workout. I was a little bit disappointed I wasn’t ending the challenge on the treadmill, but I already knew I passed the half marathon mark on the treadmills so I was excited to see what distance I could get for the month for the bike. It was a strength based workout, which means inclines on the treadmill, so I wasn’t too sad to miss inclines since they aren’t my favorite.

It was a 3 group workout so we were at each station for about 15 minutes. On the treadmill/bike, we had 2 blocks. Each block had a 2 minute hill and a 1 minute hill. I tried to add extra resistance to the bike for the hills, but I ended up mainly sticking with the resistance levels I use for my push or all out paces. I know I wasn’t working that hard (my lack of sweat was a sign of that) but I was doing what I could do considering how I was feeling. I tried to limit my breaks and managed to do better with that than expected, but I also know that I would have liked to have even fewer breaks.

I was on the rower next where we had one long block. It was decreasing rows starting at 500 meters and between each round of rowing we had shoulder work using the mini-bands. I wasn’t too worried about my rowing times so I just focused on my form. And the shoulder work wasn’t easy but it was a nice break from the rowing. I was able to get down to the 100 meter row before time was called and was pretty happy that I didn’t have to take any mid-row breaks. And I finished on the floor where we had 1 long block with rows with weights, strap tricep work, chest fly using weight, bicep curls with weights, sumo squats with weights, and sit-ups. I was a bit worried about how I would feel with everything, but it was awesome to not need any modifications and was able to use the heavier weights for almost all the weighted work.

I was hopeful going into Wednesday’s workout because on Tuesday I wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore, but then the antibiotics I took was starting to make me feel off. But even with that, I was determined to get back onto the treadmill for the workout. When I found out it was a strength day with inclines on the treadmill, I was a bit nervous about that. But I decided that I just needed to see what I could do. Fortunately we did switch between the blocks so I wasn’t on the treadmill for more than about 7 minute at a time.

On the treadmill, we had a 2 minute hill in each block. For the runners, the first minute was running at incline and the second minute was power walking at a very high incline. I tried to do a similar thing with walking at my normal speed for the first minute and then going to the very high incline but slowing down my speed for the second minute. I definitely had to take more breaks than I would have liked because of how I was feeling on the antibiotics. I also was feeling really out of breath which might have been due to not being on the treadmill for a while or the antibiotics. I’m not totally sure which one it was but it didn’t really matter to me. I just knew that when I was feeling really off that I needed to take a break and get some water.

When we were on the floor, every block started with a 300 meter row. I really wasn’t paying too much attention to my row times but I do know that I got slower with each block. After the row, we had 2 exercises each block. We had goblet squats, hammer curls, front squats, reverse flys, single leg squats using the straps, and sit-ups. I usually don’t do single leg squats but decided since the first round was doing 6 on each side I could try them. It took me forever to do them, but I managed to get it done! I know my form wasn’t the best, but just being able to do single leg squats when I was so sure I couldn’t do them really helped to make me feel better when I was looking for victories in the workout.

After feeling off on Wednesday, I was hopeful that things might be better on Friday. Things really weren’t, but the workout was something that ended up being easier on my body. It was a run/row workout but we switched every 4.5 minutes so I was never doing treadmill work for very long.

The idea of the run/row was that it was a 400 meter row and a .25 mile run (.13 mile walk for me). Some blocks would start with the row and some blocks would start with the run. The idea was to get back to whatever thing you started on before time was called for the block. So if you started with the row, the goal was to do the row, do the run, and get back to the rower. For all of the blocks, I never made it back to what I started on. I wasn’t that surprised that I couldn’t do that since my rowing was pretty slow. I was doing ok on the treadmill considering how I was feeling but that was because I was usually only on it for a few minutes at a time.

And on the floor we had something interesting. We had 5 moves for each block and they were always the same. We had lateral lunges with weights, ground to press with weights, pull-ups on the straps, shoulder presses, and crunches. Everything was timed so we did 45 seconds of each exercise except the crunches which was 30 seconds. Even though they were the same 5 things each block, they were done in a different order each time. We always ended with crunches, but the other 4 moves switched around from block to block. Since things switched up each block, it never felt repetitive. But I was feeling a bit sore in a good way after the workout was done.

And on Saturday, I finally was starting to feel almost totally better. I still was dealing with a bit of nausea, but it was so little compared to how the previous few weeks were that I wasn’t going to let it get me down too much. And I was able to prove it to myself in the workout.

The treadmill portion had 3 blocks but the first 2 were the same. It was supposed to be a 5.5 minute run for distance with intervals alternating push pace and base pace. But since as a walker that just means adjusting the incline, I decided to go for the entire 5.5 minutes at my push incline of 6%. I can’t remember the last time I was at that incline for that long, but I’m so glad that I push myself to do it. I did have to take a few breaks to let the nausea pass and drink some water, but it was much better than I expected to do. And for the last block, it was 5 all out pace intervals with 3 of them being a minute, 1 being 45 seconds, and the last one being 30 seconds. I was pretty happy with how I did in the treadmill blocks, especially since it was for about 25 minutes when you add it all up.

On the floor, we had 1 long block with rowing and 7 different exercises. It was a bit of a complicated format to try to explain on here, but basically we had 3 mini-blocks within the big block. Each mini block started with a 250 meter row and plank jacks. Then we had 5 rounds of 5 reps of 2 different exercises. The exercises included dumbbell swings, burpees, chest presses with weights, low rows with weights, shoulder presses with weights, and pop jacks. With having to do 5 rounds of 5 reps, I knew we had 25 reps in the mini block. I didn’t want to have to switch every 5 reps so I split it into 2 rounds doing 15 in one round and 10 in another. I know I probably should have split it up into the rounds of 5, but I just didn’t want to have to keep switching because I didn’t want to have to think. But even with my modification I know I still had an amazing workout!

Considering what I had to deal with this past week of workouts, I’m pretty happy with how things turned out. I’m hoping this week will go better because I finally finished my antibiotics yesterday and I shouldn’t be dealing with hormonal nausea for another week or so. And I’m even more motivated to keep pushing myself because I am trying to keep doing my mileage challenge and seeing how many miles I can get done in May!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailDri-Tri Prep Workouts (or The Beginning Of My Workout Week) Default ThumbnailA Bad Workout Week For A Different Reason (or I Guess I Was Too Optimistic) Default ThumbnailSome Nausea And Benchmarks (or A High And Low Workout Week) Default ThumbnailA Good Workout Week (or Only Dealing With Old Issues) Default ThumbnailFirst Week of Workouts After The Challenge (or Weird Workout Times) Default ThumbnailA Very Weird Workout Week (or Food Poisoning And Holiday Workouts)

Comments Off on Another Weird Workout Week (or Dealing With A Different Type Of Nausea)

Posted in Fitness

Tagged , , , , , ,

Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Posted on May 4, 2018 | Comments Off on Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Between some not fun health issues and some not fun dating issues, I haven’t been in the best mindset lately. I’ve been trying to stay positive and believe that things are going to be ok, but I think sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be in a bad mood to help get past it. I don’t love being in a mood like this and I would prefer to be in a “fake it until you make it” mindset and try to believe that things are good, but it’s just not working for me right now.

Usually I’m able to focus on something positive that’s happening in my life but this time it seems like when I try to do that something negative happens there. I was trying to focus on how I’m lucky to have my jobs and I’m doing the social media management job that helps me make up some of the money I’m not getting with the reduced hours with one of my other jobs. But then there was a major site-wide issue with one of my jobs that had us dealing with endless customer issues (and nothing we could tell them to fix it since we were waiting on someone higher up to fix the website). And I found out this week that my social media management job ended this week. I knew the original contract I did with them was for only a month, but I was hopeful it would go on longer. But I understand why it ended and I’m trying to be hopeful that they will bring me back on when they try to do it again.

It’s weird to allow yourself to be in a dark place. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed or anything, but for sure I’m in a darker mood than my normal mood. And just to make myself clear, I’m not in any risk of harming myself or doing anything like that. I know that for some people being in a dark place makes it risky for them to be alone. I’m not thinking of hurting myself. I’m more in a mood where I’m just mad at the world and really wish I could punch something and not hurt myself. I’ve tried punching pillows or other soft things, but it’s not the same and I’m not risking breaking my hand to punch a wall.

I’ve been feeling this cycle of darkness coming for a little while and I think I just hit my breaking point with it yesterday. In some way, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity is making things better. I’m acknowledging the feelings I’ve got and I’m hoping that just letting it happen will make it go by faster. But I’m also aware that this might take a few days to get through. I know I will get through it, but sometimes in the middle of it you feel like it will be endless. But if I’m being honest with myself, I only started allowing myself to feel this way yesterday (and I felt it coming on for 2-3 days before that), so it hasn’t been forever. And even writing this all out is a bit therapeutic for me and the desire to punch a wall isn’t as strong as it was a few minutes ago.

I know that I’m lucky that I am mentally healthy enough that I am able to get through these temporary funks. I know that if I wasn’t in as good of a mindset, this could kick off something worse or lasting a long time. But I know that it will be over soon and I will be looking back at this time as a temporary blip in what is usually a pretty awesome life. And I know I have a pretty awesome life (I just realized that between this year and next I’m scheduled to go to 16 musicals!). And before I know it, I’ll be back to normal and can focus on the positive things again and let the little negative things roll off my back.

But for now, I’m letting the funk take over a bit and am enjoying spending time on my couch watching Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and HBO Go to help distract me from what is bugging me.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailToo Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive) Default ThumbnailHalf Birthday (or Reflecting On The Past 6 Months) Default ThumbnailFeeling Secure (or Not Letting Past Jobs Make Me Feel Bad Anymore) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Funk (or Focusing On Happiness) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Funk (or A Phone Call Can Change My Mood) Default ThumbnailBusting Out Of A Funk (or Controlling My Happiness)

Comments Off on Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Working Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts)

Posted on April 30, 2018 | Comments Off on Working Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts)

This past week of workouts weren’t the best for me. I was so hopeful with feeling ok when I thought I wouldn’t, but that decided to come at me this past week. It’s not easy working out when you don’t feel great, but if I let that stop me I would only be working out half of the month. And I just can’t do that to myself. It’s not fun when I don’t feel 100%, but I think I made the most of it this past week.

Monday’s workout I went into feeling pretty confident. I hadn’t been dealing with the nausea I was expecting the week before and I thought maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with any nausea this month. Of course, being that confident about things meant that they were going to get crazy. The workout was an endurance workout and we had 3 groups, so I knew I’d only be on the treadmill for about 15 minutes. But I only lasted on there for the warm up and then maybe 4 more minutes.

The treadmill workout was based on doing 2 minute push paces and then base paces in-between. And during the first 2 minute push pace, my nausea came at me with full force. I left the workout to take my anti-nausea medication, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay on the treadmill and do much. So I grabbed my things and went over to the bike to finish the cardio part of the workout. I honestly wasn’t focused too much on when we had a push pace versus a base pace. I was just trying to get through the workout and hope that my medication would kick in soon. For my mileage challenge this was easily the worst workout I have had, but I also knew that there would be at least a few workouts that would be like this when I felt horrible. So I just had to push through and try to keep pedaling when I could.

Next I was on the rower where we had 2 different attempts at a 500 meter row. My medications were finally starting to kick in, but I was still feeling off so my first attempt was pretty slow. By the time I had the second attempt I was doing a little better and was able to do my row about 20 seconds faster. We also had pull challenges where we tried to see how far we could get in 20 pulls on the rower. Feeling off worked to my advantage since I was super slow and I got much further in 20 pulls than I expected I could do. And on the floor, we started with mini-band work with suitcase squats with weights, lateral walks, and upright rows with weights. I finally found a good spot to put the mini-band so it wasn’t twisting up my leg and I went heavy with the weights to make up for my lack of cardio work. We were supposed to do plank work, but I knew that if I did plank work that I would feel every more nauseous, so my coach had me use the straps to do tricep work to work the same muscle groups. I left the workout feeling a little disappointed because I know I wanted to do better, but I also know that my struggles were due to things out of my control which does help a bit.

I was worried about how I’d feel on Wednesday for the workout, but I was doing a bit better. And because the workout was a power day with lots of switches, I decided to go for the treadmill instead of using the bike. I also may have been a bit stubborn because I wanted to get the mileage for my challenge. The workout was kind of a run/row format, but it was pretty unique with the blocks being 3 or 4 minutes long.

I started on the treadmill where the first block was a run/row with a .1 mile power walk and then a 200 meter row. I was doing my normal speed and incline even though I wasn’t feeling totally great. It was a bit tough, but I managed to do it. After that block, we went to the rowers where we had rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. Then it was back to the treadmill for another run/row that was .08 mile power walks and a 150 meter row. Then back to the rower for rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. And the last block was a run/row of .05 mile power walks and 100 meter rows. Then it was time to switch to the floor.

But even though I was on the floor, we still had treadmill blocks. First we had a block that was all timed exercises. The exercises were supposed to be pop jacks, pull ups on the straps, sit-ups with rotation, and burpees to step ups. But because of how I was feeling, I couldn’t do a lot of the exercises. Instead of pop jacks I did squats, I did crunches instead of sit-ups, and instead of the burpees to step ups I did lunges. It still wasn’t easy with no breaks between things. After the exercises, we had a 3 minute block on the treadmill. Then 2 more rounds of exercises with a block on the treadmill in-between. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to get it done and be on the treadmill when in the recent past I would have been on the bike.

After feeling better on Wednesday, I was hoping that trend would continue and I’d be ok on Friday. But that wasn’t the case and I went to my workout with horrendous nausea. I really wanted to use the treadmill, but there was no way for me to do that without feeling sick so I used the bike. The workout format was similar to Wednesday with it being unique and different. While it was a run/row day, it wasn’t the normal run/row format.

I started on the bike to warm-up and normally if it’s a run/row day that means I do the run/row work first. But this time, we had a 1 minute all out pace and then headed to the floor while the people who warmed up on the rower did their row and then went to the treadmill. All 3 blocks I had where I started on the treadmill/bike side started that way with the 1 minute all out pace and then going to the floor. When we were on the floor it was mainly work using the Bosu. We had kneeling tricep extensions, crunches, hip bridges, and pullovers with weights. There was also some work that we had in plank positions that I knew I couldn’t do because of how I was feeling so I did squats or extra core work in place of the things I couldn’t do.

When we switched, I had the run/row (although I guess technically it was row/bike for me). Each block started with a longish row. The first block was 500 meters, the second was 600 meters, and the last was 700 meters. The 500 meter row was tough for me and I took longer than I should have. But for the 600 and 700 meter row I was within the goal times we had for the rows. And after each of the rows, there was a run for distance which was a bike for distance in my case. I tried to just keep pedaling until the block ended but there were a few times where the nausea got really bad and I just had to take a quick break on the bike before continuing. Even with how badly I was feeling, the workout seemed to go by pretty quickly which helped.

Saturday’s workout was another one where I thought I was feeling ok at first but before getting to the workout I knew I wasn’t going to be able to use the treadmill. I ended up using the bike again, but that was a good thing because one of my friends from the Brentwood studio was in that class and on the bike next to me! We tried not to turn the cardio time into social hour, but we did spend a bit of time catching up. That helped to pass the time and to distract me from feeling as queasy as I was feeling.

The cardio blocks all had the same format with the people on the treadmill starting with doing .1 miles on a high incline and then we had regular push pace intervals. For the bike, I did .4 miles with a very high resistance and then did the resistance I usually do to replicate my push and all out paces. I did have moments where I needed to stop pedaling because the nausea took over and I needed to let it pass, but they were much less frequent than they had been earlier in the week. That was good and I felt much better about my cardio on the bike than I had in the other workouts.

On the floor we also had 3 blocks. The first block started with ab dolly rollouts. I knew I must be feeling better because when I’m really feeling nauseous I can’t do anything in a plank position. But I was able to do these with very minimal nausea so that felt like a victory to me. In that first block was also had squats with leg lifts using the bands which normally would be tough on my hip but I was able to do. So that was another victory. In the other blocks we had sprint rows, lunges with shoulder presses, pull-ups on the straps, hip bridges, and knee tucks. While I still had some nausea from time to time, it was decreasing as the workout went on so I was just so happy about that.

I’m really hopeful that this week of workouts the nausea will either be super limited or gone. I know the timing of my body and it should be over in a few more days. Then I have 2 weeks of freedom before I feel it again. So many people tell me that they couldn’t do a workout when they felt the way I feel, but for me it’s becoming a normal part of life. And each month that I have to go through this I keep proving to myself that I don’t let feeling nauseous stop me from trying my best during a workout. And while my best during these weeks isn’t usually close to my normal best, I’m really trying hard and hopefully I will start judging my nauseous workouts against the other nauseous ones and not against the ones that happen when I feel fine.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailNot Exactly A Recovery Week (or Working With Different Challenges) Default ThumbnailGetting Ready For The Dri-Tri (or Working My Way Through The Workouts) Default ThumbnailIt’s Mayhem Time (or Working My Way Through Some Tough Workouts) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Tough Workouts (or Frustration As Motivation) Default ThumbnailGetting Back To My Workouts (or Dealing With Not Being 100%) Default ThumbnailTough Workouts (or Having Challenges Every Day)

Comments Off on Working Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts)

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,