Tag Archives: online dating

Trying A New Type Of Virtual Date (or Having A Trivia Night)

Posted on May 11, 2021 | Comments Off on Trying A New Type Of Virtual Date (or Having A Trivia Night)

For most of last year, it was very difficult to try to date. There were so many concerns about the pandemic and needing to trust someone who you don’t necessarily know to make sure you were being safe. I rarely met anyone in person, and the few time I did, it was usually outside while wearing masks. It’s not easy to date that way and get to know someone. There is a weird disconnect when you can’t see someone’s full face.

So I tried a few different virtual dating options. I did virtual movie nights using Netflix Party (now called Teleparty). I did phone calls and video dates and was grateful that so many of the apps incorporated these features into the apps so I didn’t have to give out my phone number to someone I haven’t met. And at least with video dating, I could see what someone looks like outside of just the photos they post. Seeing someone move around on the screen shows a better idea of their look.

And recently, I’ve been venturing into in-person dating again. It’s still something that makes me a little nervous as far as pandemic safety goes, but as things are getting better I feel better about going out to date. And as more places start to open up, it at least gives me some options for where I can go for a date. It’s still not easy, but I’m glad it’s an option now when I didn’t have it before.

But there are still plenty of reasons to do a virtual date before an in-person date. I do look forward to when I can quickly and easily suggest to someone that we should meet up for a drink or coffee since in-person chemistry is so important to me. But there are still people who are high risk for getting sick or haven’t gotten the vaccine yet. And there are other guys that I’m matching with that aren’t super close to where I live. I don’t mind having to go to the valley for a date, but it’s not something I always want to do if I’m unsure about a person. So I continue to do virtual dates.

And it seems like some of the apps are trying to make virtual dates more than just a phone or video call. Having something to do on a virtual date makes it a little less awkward (which is part of the reason why I like doing virtual movie nights). A little while ago, I noticed that Bumble added a new virtual date option for a trivia game called Night In. I hadn’t had a chance to use it when it was released, but I did finally have a virtual date with it over this past weekend.

Night In is a trivia game that has 3 rounds and each round has 5 questions. You are in a video call with the other person and you work together to answer each question. You both have to press on the answer to see if you are right or not. You aren’t competing against anyone else, it’s just a way to have an icebreaker for a virtual date.

And I have to say that it was a really fun way to move beyond just texting with someone and getting to know them a bit. You learn about what random things they know about or how they try to solve a question they don’t know the answer to. We didn’t do that great with the trivia. We usually got either 2 out of 5 or 3 out of 5 right. There were a few that we disagreed on, but the answer the other person wanted was right. But again, it wasn’t a competition with anyone else, so it was ok that we didn’t get that many correct.

The only downside to using this for a virtual date was that there was a time limit to answer each question. I think it was about a minute for each one. So there wasn’t a ton of time to chat while we were playing or to discuss why we thought an answer was right. But after we completed all 3 rounds, we did continue our video call and got to know each other a bit more. I’m not sure there will be an in-person date or not, but I did get to know him better than I had over text. And there wasn’t a long time waiting for an answer to a question like there is with text.

I know that eventually, I might not do any form of virtual dating. I do see the benefit of a phone or video call before meeting in person because I have decided I didn’t want to meet someone from a call. But at the same time, I usually just prefer to meet in person. I know it has the potential to be a waste of time, but I don’t have such a crazy schedule that wasting an afternoon messes too much up for me.

But at least for now, I’m grateful for the options I have. Dating is hard to begin with, but it’s been so much harder since last year. So anything that gives me options and the ability to feel safe while dating is appreciated and something I’m glad I have to use if I feel like it’s the right first step.

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Feeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing)

Posted on May 7, 2021 | Comments Off on Feeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing)

A year ago when the pandemic started, I worried so much about what I would blog about. I wondered if I would have to cut back on how many days I’d have posts to go live. I wondered if every post would be the same and I’d have nothing to write about. I’m still surprised that I was able to maintain my regular blogging schedule even at the worst points of the pandemic.

But what I didn’t think about as much is how often I would write about things being normal again and how happy it makes me. Maybe it’s because things shutting down was such a shock that it seemed so different and the idea of things coming back seemed normal and boring. But I feel like I’m constantly writing about how happy I am as things come back into my life and things start to feel more like my life before.

Of course, I’m still being very cautious about what I do and where I go. I do have some anxiety as I go into a new place or am around a new person because I have to judge how safe things are. I know I’m pretty safe between being fully vaccinated and staying masked (except the few moments I am not masked in certain places). But I still need to be careful with my own safety and the safety of those around me.

But that anxiety about staying safe is easing as I get to do more things in my life. It’s not that I forget to be anxious or I don’t care. But my anxiety isn’t the primary emotion in my life anymore. I have other things to focus on so my mental health is in a much better place. My baseline isn’t where it was before, but it’s much closer to that than how low I was feeling during the worst of it. And as I add more and more back into my life, my baseline is getting to a better place.

I think having Orangetheory back into my life is a big thing that has made me feel better about everything. That routine and that workout helps me in so many ways. Even though it’s still tough to struggle with things I didn’t struggle with before, I’m feeling so much better about myself. I don’t even mind that I have to wake up so early to go to class. I’ve always appreciated Orangetheory and what it did for my body and mind, but I appreciate it at a whole new level now. And as I go to each class, I notice that working out in the studio is helping me feel better and better. I’m sure at some point that will level off, but for now it’s making a huge difference in my life.

Going out to eat was another big thing that has helped make me feel more normal and less anxious. This was a little harder for me to do since going out to eat means you aren’t wearing a mask. But going to Wood & Vine felt a lot safer than so many places I’ve been going in the past year. I knew I could trust the management and staff to be doing the right things to keep people safe, and I was right. I have seen some restaurants doing outdoor dining and the tables seem really close together. But Wood & Vine really was careful with how they set up the space, even when that meant they couldn’t have as many people there as they wanted.

Just going out to eat with a friend felt so normal and even though we were very aware of things, it also allowed us to forget that we were still in a pandemic for a little bit of time. And having any time where the pandemic isn’t dominating my thoughts is a nice escape. I spent far too long since last year thinking of nothing but my safety and health. And just like how Orangetheory is helping my mental health, having another focus is doing the same. Going out to eat is going to have to be a rare treat because I do want to be careful how much I go out, but it’s nice that it’s an option again in my life.

And even my dating life is starting to feel a bit more normal again! I’m still doing some video/virtual dates, but meeting up in person is getting a bit easier to do. Coffee dates are much easier now than they were for most of last year. I feel safer hanging out outside with someone new. Being on a date without a mask is still something I think I’m only ok with if the other person is vaccinated (and most people who are vaccinated are happy to show their vaccination cards to prove it) and there are still not a lot of options to have creative dates. But as things reopen again, there will be more places I can go on dates. And hopefully, just like with so much else, things will continue to feel safer for me and I won’t be as worried about my health.

My life is still not fully back to normal, but in the past month I have been able to have a lot of things back. And I’ve been feeling more calm and relaxed and home, which is having a lot of positive effects. I’m able to sleep better. I’m more focused. I am enjoying silly little things again. I feel like the doom and gloom feeling is still in the background, but it’s not taking over my life. And I needed this happiness back.

Just like with so many other posts where I have written about things being closer to normal, I had no idea how much I needed this until I had it. I knew I wasn’t doing great last year, but I had no clue how bad it had gotten for me until it got better. And I’m trying to stay hopeful that it is only going to continue to get better from now on.

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Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

Posted on April 23, 2021 | Comments Off on Getting Outside A Little More (or I’m Still Hesitant)

I am sure I sound like a broken record about talking about how even though I’m vaccinated I’m being very cautious. I’m not going out that much. While I’m doing more than just essential errands and appointments, I’m still not doing that much. I have limited which friends I have seen in person, and when I do see people it tends to be in their home. Even when I see family, we are staying in a home and not going out that much.

And I know doing this is still one of the safer options, but I also know I need to push myself to get out there more. I’m not feeling isolated or pandemic fatigued necessarily. It’s more of my fear of isolating myself unnecessarily when things are safe. It’s hard to feel like it’s ok to go do things that for a year we have been told to do. And it’s hard to find the balance between what are safer risks to take and what is just too much. In some ways, we are lucky here because not everything is open again and they are limiting people so they aren’t too crowded. And everywhere pretty much requires masks unless you are eating or drinking.

I haven’t been to a restaurant yet (although that is actually coming up soon!), and any meals I’ve gotten that I didn’t make myself have either been takeout or delivery. But this past week, I went to a coffee shop and had a coffee in public for the first time in over a year!

I know this doesn’t sound like much, but for me, it was a bit weird and I was worried about things. But I felt like it was a safe way to push myself to be out and about more and feel like I’m easing myself into life again. And fortunately, it wasn’t as weird as I was afraid it would be.

I went to a coffee shop that wasn’t that close to my house because it was for a first date. Going to coffee or a drink (even though I don’t drink coffee or alcohol) used to be my go-to first date since it’s casual and easy enough to leave if it is a bad date. Any dating I’ve tried to do in the past year has been tough to find where to meet up with someone, so being able to have a first date like I’m used to was nice. And the coffee shop we went to had a large patio in the back that wasn’t crowded, so we weren’t sitting close to anyone else.

The guy I met was also fully vaccinated, which made me feel a bit better about things too. Since we were sitting there without our masks on for a while, I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about if he might be sick but asymptomatic. And after going on dates where we had to be masked the entire time, it was nice to have a date where I could see his entire face and not feel like I’m not really seeing who he is. I was worried for a little while that it might get more crowded on the patio and that I would feel like I was too close to others and would feel like I needed to wear my mask more, but that didn’t end up happening.

After I got home from my date (which went well, but I don’t have much more to share than that), I realized how nice it was to be out in public with others again without worrying as much as I have over the past year. I’ve said before that the isolation has felt like I was on my own little planet and everyone else was living their lives. But just being at the coffee shop was a nice reminder that I’m a part of the world too. I needed to be a part of the public again. Even when I have friends come over to my house, it still feels a bit isolated. I might not be alone, but we are isolated at home. So going out made me feel like I was a part of the world again.

There are still limited places that I think I’d be open to going to because I need to still be safe and cautious. But just going to this coffee shop reminded me that there are options for places I could go and not feel like I’m taking that much of a risk. It’s not something I will be doing all the time, but it is something I should try to do when I have a chance. Even if I met a friend at a park instead of at my house or theirs might help me feel a bit more involved in the world.

I haven’t built up the skills to figure this out too much. For my entire life until the pandemic, I never had to think about what I could do in public that feels safe. For the past year, I was more focused on how to stay healthy and isolated. I’ve written about how I needed to be more social and to find ways to not isolate as much, but in my head so many of those things didn’t involve too much in public. Now, this is just something else to think about when I’m trying to think of what I can do. And hopefully, I’ll continue to be more comfortable with the few things I’m going to be ok with doing and I keep pushing myself to find the little bits of normalcy that I can get back.

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Changing Some Of The Stories In My Book (or Even More Ghost Stories)

Posted on March 10, 2021 | Comments Off on Changing Some Of The Stories In My Book (or Even More Ghost Stories)

The book I wrote about online dating has been a work in progress for a long time. I’ve written several versions of it over the past few years. And even now that I have the version and style that I want to stick with, I’ve been making edits and changes from time to time.

Most of the time, those changes are due to having new stories to add. For example, I’ve added stories about dating during a pandemic and how to make it happen. I’ve written about how I’ve been doing phone dates, video chat dates, and virtual dates with apps like Netflix Party. And I just had a story to add about the first time I was stood up for a virtual date. I was supposed to watch a movie with a new guy over Netflix Party. But when I went back to the app to message him the link for our movie, he had unmatched with me. While I don’t understand standing someone up at all, this was a new level. All he had to do was watch a movie from home with me, and he couldn’t even do that. But it was fine, I watched the movie on my own that night and it was not a big deal. It was a little annoying, but almost funny how I find new ways I am disappointed by the guys I meet on the apps.

But very rarely, I have an update on a past story that took a new twist.

At the end of 2019/beginning of 2020, I met someone on one of the apps and we started seeing each other. We didn’t go out that many times or for that long (it was under a month), but it still felt very different from other guys I had dated before. There was something comfortable and made me feel at ease when I was out with him. We seemed to be really good intellectual matches for each other. He followed through when he said he’d text me or when we made tentative plans for a date. Neither of us were scared to talk about our feelings and be very open and honest.

I really thought things were going great until he ghosted me.

Being ghosted by this guy hurt a lot. It wasn’t the first time I was ghosted (and I wouldn’t be the last), but there was something about him that made it hard for me to believe that he would be someone who would ghost. He had been so open about things before that I thought if he didn’t want to see me again, he would be open and just tell me. It didn’t help that not long after he ghosted me, the pandemic started. He was the last guy I dated before the pandemic. And when I wrote his story in my book, a lot of it was about how he ghosted me and how it hurt differently from other times I was ghosted.

But then the other day, he and I matched again on an app. I was a little shocked to match with him. I had swiped right almost out of curiosity, not expecting he would swipe right on me as well. We matched on an app where either of us could start the conversation, and I decided to wait to see if he would message me. I wondered if it was a mistake. Maybe he swiped right on everyone and then looked at his matches to be more selective (there are plenty of people who do that). But to my surprise, he messaged me pretty soon after we matched.

And he did refer to our brief past and how it was nice to see me again. So we messaged back and forth a bit before I decided to be a bit bold. I asked him if he was messaging with me just to chat or if he was interested in me again. I honestly didn’t know. And he said he was interested and asked me how I felt. I said that we had a lot to talk about, but it would be good to see him again. So we made plans to see each other the next day.

It was a bit weird to see him again. I never expected to see him again after he ghosted me, but I always told myself that I wanted to confront him if I did. I know that people say that being ghosted has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who is the ghoster. But it’s hard to believe that at times. So I wanted to ask him why he did it. I didn’t necessarily care as much as why he didn’t want to see me again, but I wanted to know why he chose ghosting as the method.

We had some small talk when we saw each other. It was a little awkward. I could feel the elephant in the room and decided to be gutsy again and just ask. So I did. And I was blunt about it. I didn’t hold back in my question or act coy. I flat out asked, “Why did you decide that ghosting me was the best method to end things with me a year ago?”. And I wasn’t expecting a real answer from him, but I did kind of get one. Without revealing too much about what he said, he realized he wasn’t over a past relationship and tried to work on that. And then the pandemic hit so dating took a backseat. I still think he could have texted me to say something, but I also understand a bit. While this doesn’t excuse his behavior, it does explain it.

And we had a really nice time seeing each other again. We still seem to click the way we did a year ago. It seemed like we were both being honest and open with each other. And we both said that we would like to try seeing each other again. So I was hopeful that I could turn the story I had written about him into a more positive thing.

But because the plot twists never seem to end with me, it looks like he has ghosted me again. I’m still hoping maybe he will reach out and explain himself, but it’s almost been a week. No matter how busy you are, you can at least manage a simple text saying that things are busy and you can’t really respond right now. Not communicating at all isn’t something that I’m ok with or comfortable with. And if he does reach out to me again, that’s something that will have to be discussed. But I’m not expecting to hear from him again. I guess ghosting might just be his thing and not a random occurrence when it happened a year ago.

I don’t like that I sound so pessimistic, but at the same time, I don’t want to date someone that I feel so unsure about or that I have to chase down or wonder if they will contact me. I know that there could be a valid reason why this happened, but unless he tells me, I will never know. Maybe in another year, he will reach out again and try to explain himself. At least this time, I feel like I got some closure from the past ghosting, and this time it doesn’t hurt as much. I don’t want to say that I expected it, but it wasn’t as shocking.

So it’s back to the apps for more swiping and matching. And while I’d love to say that I won’t be ghosted again, I know that might not be true. But one day, I’ll find the guy who I click with, feel like I’m a good match with, who follows through, and won’t ghost me.

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More Pandemic Dating Stories (or I Can’t Wait Until I Have More Normal Dating Problems)

Posted on February 12, 2021 | Comments Off on More Pandemic Dating Stories (or I Can’t Wait Until I Have More Normal Dating Problems)

Almost a year into the pandemic and I’m still trying to figure out how to date during this time. I know I don’t have to date right now, and I’m not doing much. But I also don’t want to stop completely because I know there is always a chance of meeting someone awesome. And that is something that happened to me over the summer. Talking to someone every day for a few months built a really strong bond between us. But there was just no romantic chemistry so we are going to be friends. But that’s still something good to come out of dating right now.

But there are so many negatives about dating right now. It’s not easy for sure. I miss the days where I would match with someone and be able to easily go to a bar or coffee shop to meet up in person to see if we click. I’ve always known that in-person chemistry is different from texting chemistry, but it’s so much more obvious now. I hate the idea of wasting weeks on texting with someone only to find out that we don’t click at all when we are face to face. But that’s what really has to happen right now to be safe.

Not every person feels the same safety concerns as I do. I’m still shocked how many guys I will be messaging with who either say they don’t believe in COVID or they aren’t scared of it. That makes me so much more fearful about who they are and I know I can’t take the risk of meeting them. I understand they aren’t scared, but that also probably means they aren’t isolating that much so I have to worry about every other person they have met up with. And maybe they have been dating women who don’t care either. I have never expected something exclusive with someone right away because that’s not how I date. But these days, you almost have to be exclusive when you meet for safety reasons.

I’ve had so many guys be frustrated with me because I wasn’t willing to meet up with them right away. It used to hurt to see what they wrote to me, but now I’m just happy to unmatch with them. If that is how they feel, there is no way that they were the right person for me. If we weren’t in a pandemic and we met up, we still would have had something that didn’t match up well. So I’m just saving that time. I won’t deny that it’s annoying because it is. But I also don’t feel like I’m missing out on someone when they say it.

The other odd thing about dating right now is that most dating apps have allowed anyone to set their location to be anywhere in the world. Normally, that’s something that only paying members on apps can do (if they can do it at all). But now, you can put that you are in another city/state/country and match with people there. I still have my own location settings set to be that I’m in LA and that I only want matches that are within a certain distance from me. But that still allows people who might be in France but claiming to be in LA to be in my matches. I understand that some people are just looking for pen pals or open to a long-distance relationship. But for me, I’m not on the apps for something like that. I am still trying to find my person and I don’t want them to be someone that I have no way of doing a social distant meet up with.

I still have my random silly or weird stories (like people who “forget” to mention they are married), but I haven’t had nearly as many stories as I did before. I feel like I’m matching with about the same number of people as I used to, but I’m not really getting anywhere with those matches. I’ve only met a few of them in person for socially distant dates and none of them have turned into anything more than that first date. Maybe I’ll meet someone who matches my concerns about the pandemic along with everything else and I’ll actually date them. Or maybe I won’t be able to really date until things are safe again. I don’t know which one it will be, but I know it will be one of the two. And I can’t wait until my stories are about the problems I had in the past. Those problems were annoying and bad, but at least I wasn’t worried about my health the way I am now.

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A Weird Dating Milestone (or At Least I Know I’m Trying)

Posted on January 12, 2021 | Comments Off on A Weird Dating Milestone (or At Least I Know I’m Trying)

I’ve been active on dating apps for almost 4 years now. This isn’t the first time I’ve used dating apps (or dating websites), but I feel like the past 4 years have been a very different time than any other time I used them. I have had a bit more of a purpose and a slightly more open mind. And I feel like I have been much more active this time than I ever had before.

And I know I am using apps more than many people. Now during the pandemic, I’m sure this is even more true. But even before the pandemic, I know that I was more active than many others. This is particularly due to having a thick skin and tolerating things a bit better than some. I’ve had friends who have taken extended breaks from apps after they got ghosted. I have taken little breaks, but rarely longer than a week unless I was seeing someone that I thought was going to go somewhere.

I don’t really track how many people I match with or message on dating apps because it would be just too much. But I learned a few weeks ago that there is a way to see some of that information in Bumble. Bumble has a program called Moves Making Impact. It’s a free and optional program that allows you to help raise money for a charity every time you send an opening message. I signed up for it since it’s free and doesn’t affect my profile at all. But someone mentioned that if you go back to that section of the profile settings, it lets you know how many first messages you have sent since selecting a charity.

But it also shows you how many first messages you have sent since signing up for Bumble! At the time, it was just under 5,000 for me. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to match and message people I didn’t care about just to get the number to 5,000, but it wasn’t that long before I hit that milestone.

But this is only tracking Bumble and that’s not the only app that I’m on. So I would say it’s a safe bet that between the various apps that I use, I have matched and messaged at least 10,000 men.

I’m not embarrassed by this number. It’s a sign that I’m trying to date and find my person. But it is a little frustrating that I have gone through 10,000 men and still am single. I never thought I’d need to talk to that many people that I would reject (or that would reject me). Of course, when I started on the apps again, I was hopeful that I would be one of the rare cases that meet their person within the first few messages, but I knew that was unlikely. But I never expected that 4 years and 10,000 men later, I’d still be as single as I was before.

Of course, I have learned a lot about myself while dating. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in a new skill. So maybe messaging 10,000 men makes me a little bit of an expert in dating. I wouldn’t consider myself an expert, but maybe a little bit of one. But even if I’m not an expert in dating, I’m an expert in what I want in dating and what I know I deserve. I know what I do not have to stand for and what my hard lines and boundaries are. I know what I am looking for more than ever and have a much clearer idea of what I want my future to be like with another person. Some people learn this by being in relationships. I learned it by not really being in one. But I still learned it and am happy that I have had that growth.

Will I get to 10,000 first messages on Bumble? I have no idea. I honestly hope that I don’t because I do want to find my person. I don’t want to date endlessly and still be single. But I do know that could happen and I won’t be mad at myself if that is my future. I know for sure that if I was in a relationship with anyone that I had gone out with before that I wouldn’t be happy. Maybe right now during the pandemic, I wouldn’t be as lonely, but I know I am happier now than I would be if I was with any of them. So it is for the best.

I will continue to try dating the best I can during the pandemic. I don’t know if I’ll meet my person with how we have to date now, but maybe I will. And if I don’t, I will be back to dating normally when it is safe to do so. And if I get to another milestone number in the future, at least I know that it is a sign that I am trying and hopefully am closer to finding my person.

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More Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much)

Posted on October 6, 2020 | Comments Off on More Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much)

I don’t think there is anyone who is single and trying to date right now that doesn’t think things are weird. Dating during a pandemic is just so odd. There are so many things you have to worry about. You have to build a lot of trust before meeting someone, which wasn’t how it was before. So many people are getting very serious very quickly because that’s almost what you have to do. People who were in a relationship before the pandemic started are also having weird things happening. You might stick it out more than you normally would because you know you can’t really date. Some people are discovering quickly that they are not meant to be.

We are over 6 months into this and it’s still tough to figure out what is safe and what is stupid. For the most part, I’m not really dating right now because I can’t. I’ve tried, and I’ve found things that stopped it from progressing. I am still active on various apps and I have done quite a few virtual dates (like using the video chat feature on an app or watching a movie together over Netflix Party). I have met someone in person, but that was after we both were making sure that neither of us was sick and we had taken a lot of time to build trust before we met.  Unfortunately, even though we had chemistry when we were texting and talking on the phone, it didn’t translate to in-person chemistry so that didn’t go anywhere (although we are still talking and have said we want to be friends).

I really miss dating. I don’t love dating, but I still miss it. Dating did bring some excitement to my life. And even my bad dates brought some entertainment to me. And I like knowing that maybe the next guy I go out with will be the right guy for me. I also think part of missing dating is missing all physical touch. Cuddling with someone, getting a hug, holding hands, or just sitting with someone on the couch are things I can’t really do right now. And while a lot of those things were things I got from my friends, I also got them from dating. And I also miss having opportunities to go out and be social. Again, I got that a lot from friends but I also got it from dating.

It does feel odd to me that I miss dating this much. Until a few years ago, I didn’t date a lot. I would meet someone somehow and would go on dates every so often. But I wasn’t using dating apps and I didn’t have that many opportunities to meet people to date. I don’t know what the longest stretch was that I had without a date, but I’m guessing it’s probably similar to how long we’ve been dealing with the pandemic. Back then, I didn’t miss dating. Possibly because I had a lot of other things filling up my time. But I think it was mainly because I never was a big dater. No time in my life compares to the past few years with dating. So I didn’t miss things because I never knew any different. But now I do and it’s hard to not miss it.

I will say, I am trying to stay grateful about being single right now. If I was dating any guy that I was dating before right now and was stuck with them all the time, I think I would have been miserable. I might not have the courage to end things because I wouldn’t want to be lonely and there’s not an easy way to date now to meet someone new. I try to convince myself a lot that being lonely is better than being miserable. It’s hard sometimes to believe that, but I know that it has to be at least a little bit true.

Who knows when things will be safer for everyone. I hope it will be soon, but the longer we are in this pandemic the longer I think we might have to wait it out. I’m still trying to find ways to date and be safe, but it’s really limited. I know that if I’m not able to date for several more months, it’s not the worst thing. It’s not great, but I can live without dating if that means I don’t take unnecessary risks and won’t get sick. Maybe having a break from dating will help me be better at dating when I’m able to do it. I guess I’ll find out whenever we are able to be out and social again.

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Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)

Posted on September 2, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)

My last “normal” date was at the beginning of this year. I actually don’t remember what my last date was before the pandemic really hit here, but I know that it had to be before March. Everything changed in LA in the middle of March. And since then, I’ve been trying to figure out what it means to be single and dating during this time.

Even though I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at dating (nor do I really want to be considered one), I had a pretty great routine that I had when I matched with someone. I had no fear of asking to meet up for coffee or a drink quickly. I had a lot of places that I felt safe to go for a first meeting. And I’ve slowly gotten better at not tolerating bad dates and finding a way to leave if I really had no interest in talking to the guy anymore. And then when everything changed, I had to figure out what to do if I was going to still try to be active on dating apps.

I’ve been trying lots of new things like doing video dates or trying to have socially distant dates. I’ve been messaging with guys significantly longer than I’m used to. Before, I liked to try to set up an in-person date quickly as figuring out if there is chemistry in person is so important. I don’t like days or weeks or texting only to be disappointed that when I meet them I don’t want to date them. And I only remember one guy that I spoke to on the phone before meeting him for the first time before the pandemic. I’m not a big phone person, and I don’t like to give out my number before I meet someone in real life (now, most apps have voice calling within the app so that solves that problem).

There have been a few guys that I have been talking to for a little bit of time. Some of them I know that I am only talking to them because of the current situation and I don’t think I would want to date them (some of them I have been honest with this about and we both agree that we are just being pen pals for now). Some of them seem to have potential and then they fade away. Usually, I get annoyed when I’m messaging with a guy and he stops messaging back, but I’m a bit more patient now. I’m not necessarily unmatching with guys as quickly as I used to for lack of communication. I know that it’s a weird time and maybe dating has to take a bit of a backseat.

And if there is someone I actually would want to meet with in person, there are so many things to consider now that I never had to think about before. I have to figure out good places to meet up with them that are not only in public but also open (since bars aren’t open) and allow us to be a bit distant but still able to have a real conversation. Parks seem to be a safe option, but some parks have been getting crowded since it’s one of the few places that are open and outdoors so a lot of people go there.

And even after deciding to meet up with someone in person and finding a safe place to go, it can all be brought to a halt if they discover that they have been around someone who is a suspected COVID case. And that’s what recently happened with a date I was planning. We had everything set to meet up, and then that day he let me know that he just found out that he had been around someone who might have been exposed to COVID. Even though it was not a direct exposure, he had been distant around that person and not right next to them, and nobody had been diagnosed; it still seemed best to cancel our meeting. I don’t want to put myself at risk and he didn’t want to get me sick either. So the hangout was canceled and that was that for the day. Fortunately, the suspected COVID case did not have COVID. Everything is ok, but it was still a huge reality check.

I don’t know how to be safe and date these days. I guess the safest thing would be to not date, which is what I’ve been doing since March. And I have said that this is the lost year so maybe I just won’t be able to date until things are safe again. But that might be a year away still, so I have to figure out what I can do and still be safe. I don’t think anyone really knows the answer to this because you can be super safe and it’s not a guarantee that nobody will get sick. You really have to trust the other person to be safe and not around other people without a mask, and that trust is hard to have when it’s with someone you don’t really know.

Figuring out how to date these days is something a lot of my single friends have been trying to do. For the first few months, I think all of us were ok with the idea of taking a break from dating until things are safe. I doubt any of us expected to still be in this situation 6 months later. There are so many things about being safe during this time that are so hard, so I understand the desire to want to still date and try to find your person. But nobody has dated during a pandemic prior to this time so figuring out how to do it is something that is a big unknown that all of us are figuring out together.

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So Many Virtual Movie Nights (or Thank Goodness For Technology)

Posted on July 9, 2020 | Comments Off on So Many Virtual Movie Nights (or Thank Goodness For Technology)

I’ve been doing movie nights with Netflix Party with friends for a while now. Honestly, this is what is keeping me sane a lot of the time. I have scheduled NP nights with a FB group every Wednesday and Saturday. Knowing I have those in my schedule gives me something to look forward to.

There are so many things I miss while in quarantine. But one big one is having a communal experience with others. There is something about seeing a movie or a play in a theater and knowing everyone else in that room is seeing the same thing that you are. Watching movies alone at home isn’t the same. So when quarantine started and I was watching a lot of movies on streaming programs, that communal experience feeling was what I was lacking. Thank goodness for NP because it has allowed me to feel like I’m experiencing that just a little bit.

Some of the other streaming services have been setting up their versions of Netflix Party, but so far I haven’t been able to use them. Some of them are only available to subscribers at a specific level and some of them are dealing with too many glitches. We had issues with the glitch problem this past Friday. My regular NP group decided to do a bonus night and watch “Hamilton” together. We wanted to test out the Disney+ Party app, but it was down because so many people were watching at the same time.

So what we decided to do was all get our TVs set and ready to go, and I did a group FB call to everyone to count down when we would start. And we had a specific FB chat group to talk to each other while watching. In some ways, it was nicer because I could watch on my TV instead of my computer. But it’s also nice watching on my computer with NP because the chat is right next to the movie and I don’t have to keep looking down at my phone. But I’m so glad that we decided to watch it together because it made the night so much more fun!

The group was almost equally split between those of us who had seen the show in person and those who had not. I should have seen it a second time by now, but then again if quarantine hadn’t happened I doubt the movie would have been available since it was supposed to come out in theaters next year. But I think I would have enjoyed it just as much if not more if I hadn’t seen it.

It’s rare to see a good movie version of a stage musical. But this does it almost perfectly. I loved seeing the closeups that I never could experience seeing the show live. I love how they do show the full stage and it doesn’t feel like they turned the show into a movie. It just feels like a wonderful and special experience of seeing the stage show.

This was something special to get to watch with friends virtually and I’m glad we could set it up. We probably won’t be doing movie nights with streaming services besides Netflix for now because of the simplicity of the app, but I do hope the other apps fix their glitches and open up to all subscribers so we can expand what we watch.

And besides expanding what we what, I have been expanding who I have been watching movies with. For the most part, it has been the same group that I watch together on Wednesday and Saturday (I call the group the Movie Club). And I do love watching movies with them. Occasionally, I have set up a Netflix Party night with other groups of friends for a one-off movie night. Nothing that is a regular schedule like the Movie Club, but it is nice to get to watch with others.

But this week, I also had my first virtual date using Netflix Party. It was with a guy that I matched with almost a month ago. We have been texting every day and having phone calls a few times a week. We haven’t been able to meet yet (which is so weird to me), but hopefully, we can find a way to safely do it soon. But we wanted to do something different than just talking on the phone so I suggested a movie night on NP. We ended up watching 2 movies (we each picked one) and it was really fun. It was very different from when I have a big group watching, but it was nice and again made it feel like we were having a communal experience. I have a feeling I will have another virtual movie night with him soon.

So many people have said how much harder being isolated would be without technology. And I completely agree. And it’s not just the normal technology like social media and texting keeping me ok. It’s all the new technology things like Netflix Party that helps to bring a sense of normalcy to this very abnormal life. I bet that there will be more apps like this that will help bring people together coming since there is a huge demand for them right now. But I hope they continue because I have enjoyed finding ways to stay connected with friends and family that don’t live near me. I’ve been able to get closer to people while staying away from so many. It’s such a wonderfully weird time we live in.

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Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

Posted on June 16, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

I have continued to be active on the dating apps throughout this quarantine. I didn’t see the need to change that because I am still looking for my person and I didn’t want to give up on it while things were weird. But I have had to make a lot of changes with how I date and what my expectations are.

Normally, my goal when I match with someone on an app is to get a little texting on the app done to make sure we are on the same page about things and then suggest we meet up. I know that chemistry over text is not the same as chemistry in person, so I don’t want to waste time if I text for weeks, and then when we meet we don’t click. Also, I’ve found there are some guys that have no intentions of ever meeting. Either they are scammers and can’t meet or they are just on dating apps to text and flirt. So I want to get rid of those guys and make sure I only spend my time on the ones that really are looking for something off the apps.

But it’s not really possible to meet up with someone right away these days. It’s frustrating to me because it’s such an important part of dating to me. But I’ve been working with what I can do right now. I’m so grateful that a lot of apps have added voice and video call features to them. So I don’t have to give out my number to talk to someone on the phone or have a video chat with them. And I have been doing a lot of that. I used to never talk to guys on the phone before going out with them. It’s weird for me to do it. But not so weird that I don’t want to do it. I just have to figure out the best way to be more comfortable on the phone. I don’t know if I’ll keep up the phone call thing after I can start meeting guys in person again, but I’m glad it’s an option now.

Video calls aren’t as common for me to do. But that’s mainly because I don’t want to do them. I don’t want to feel watched that long when I’m not actually face to face with someone. It’s one thing to be on a 2-hour date with someone and have your focus on them. It’s another to be on a 2-hour video chat and hold that same focus.

And the other day, I was supposed to have my first socially distanced date. It was with someone that I had been texting and having calls with. And we both were interested in trying to move things forward while being safe. So we were supposed to meet at a park where we could sit at least 6 feet apart (and both wear masks). Unfortunately, I was stood up. He didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I don’t know what the point was. Some friends said that maybe he was too anxious to meet me, but then I would hope he would respond or message me saying sorry. I wonder if he ever wanted to meet up or if he was looking for something that I wasn’t looking for. It sucks that getting ghosted still is happening, but I also don’t know why I would expect anything different.

I’m not going to let being stood up bring me down. It sucks, but I can move forward. I don’t really know what dating is going to look like for the future, but it is interesting to see the baby steps I have been taking forward to try to date. Hopefully, it will be safe again soon to have dates without the fear of getting sick. For now, I just have to work with what I can and get creative about figuring things out.

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