I’m Not Used To Being This Sick (or I Know This Could Be Worse)

Last week, I started to have a bit of a scratchy throat. That used to mean that I was about to get sick, but it usually started very soon after that feeling started and it was slightly different from what I was experiencing last week. So I thought maybe I was having an issue with allergies or something else. I honestly didn’t think that I was getting sick. But after a few days, it was clear that I was getting sick and I had to work on taking care of myself.

Fortunately for me, I work from home so I spent Friday working from my bed. I also had a friend who was able to run out and get cold medicine for me because my head was so foggy that I knew I wasn’t safe to drive. I also took a Covid test since I knew a few friends who thought they had a cold but it turned out to be Covid. And if that’s what I got, I wanted to get anti-virals right away. But the test was a very clear negative.

So I knew this was just a bad cold and not something worse.

But a bad cold isn’t great either. Over the weekend, I spent almost all my time resting. I wanted to get better, and I knew that resting my body was the best thing for me to do. I tried to eat a little since I know your body needs fuel to get over a cold. But between congestion and my sore throat, it was tough to even make myself drink water. But I tried my best and just did as little as possible. I knew I was pretty sick when just making my bed made me out of breath.

I hate being sick like this. I used to deal with this during the winter, but since the pandemic, I haven’t been inside with many people and when I have been around others, I’ve been wearing a mask. I still wear a mask when I’m inside almost all the time. I might be the only person at the grocery store who wears one, but I know it can keep me safe. But there have been a few times when I didn’t wear one, and I’m guessing that one of those times I was around someone who had a cold and I managed to catch it.

I know that I could have been more cautious and that catching a cold is my fault, but at the same time, this is a bit of my normal too. I know that at some point, we will be back to something similar to what our old normal was, and for me, that means I’ll probably catch a cold during the winter. I might take some more precautions now than I did before, but I also know that catching a cold isn’t something I can completely avoid unless I want to stay isolated.

So I just had to suck it up and work on fighting this bug. I had to skip my workout yesterday and as I am writing this, I’m debating about my workout this morning. I might want to take another day off to get just a bit better but I also know that there are studies that show that working out once you are doing better and not contagious can help to get rid of a cold sooner. I just have to find the balance between needing time to recover and being ready to start pushing to be back to my routine.

I am grateful that this wasn’t as bad as other things that I could have gotten. If it was Covid, I have no idea how much worse it could have been. Even compared to when I had vertigo a few years ago, this isn’t quite as bad. It’s frustrating when this isn’t how I want to spend my time, but it’s life and I’ll be fine soon. Maybe I’ll need to take more time off from workouts and other things than I would have liked, but this is a temporary thing and I’ll be back to my normal before I know it. And being better and feeling better is my focus for now and that’s what I have to be ok with doing.

Not My Normal Workout Recap (or At Least I Was Feeling Ok During The Week)

This workout recap will be a bit different from what my normal ones look like. And that’s because I am currently sick. I’ve taken some Covid tests and they have been negative, so I think I just caught a really bad cold. This is something I used to deal with somewhat frequently, but the last few years have been better since people have been wearing masks and not really doing things around others. But I guess things are back to normal enough that I’m back to getting colds the way I used to.

Fortunately for me, I wasn’t really feeling sick this past week when I went to my workouts. I was worried I was going to be dealing with pain and nausea, and I also managed to mostly escape that as well. I did have some really bad cramps toward the end of the week, but that was a lot less than what I expected. And when I went to my Thursday workout, I had a bit of a sore throat but it wasn’t bad and I thought it might be allergies since it felt different from the sore throat I get before I get sick. But I guess I was wrong and now I know that was the first sign of me having this cold. Hopefully, I didn’t get anyone else sick in class. But there’s also a good chance that I got this from someone in class.

I’m glad that my workouts this past week weren’t affected by this cold or by anything else. Overall, it was a really good workout week. And I needed it to be a good week just for my self-esteem. I don’t know what will happen this week with my workouts. As I’m writing this post, I don’t know if I’ll need to take time off. If I don’t feel better than I do right now, I won’t be able to work out. I’m hoping I’m over this cold quickly, but I also know that if I am not fully better and I go to work out, I might extend this cold even longer. And I really don’t want that.

Plus, this week is likely to be one of the weeks where my pain and nausea will be really bad, so I don’t want that combined with this cold. I’m hoping I won’t need to take time off, but I’m also realistic and willing to do what my body needs. So if I miss a bunch of workouts this week, at least this past week was a good one for me.

I don’t have much else to write about my workouts since right now my brain is a bit foggy from this cold, but I’m glad that this cold didn’t affect how I was able to do. And hopefully, whatever workouts I can do this week will go well and won’t be too bad with everything I’m dealing with regarding my physical health.

More Proof Of My Strength (or I Love Seeing Results Of My Workouts In Real Life)

I know that I do the best I can in my workouts each week. Sometimes that means I’m working harder and sometimes that means I’m going a bit easier. But I always make my best effort and try because I do want to see results. Seeing results hasn’t been the easiest thing for me and that can be very frustrating. I feel like for the work that I do, I should be seeing more changes in my body. And I know that there are probably some changes that are happening that I can’t see, but I wish that there were some visible results from time to time to encourage me to keep going.

I’ve had a few moments since starting at Orangetheory that I have seen my strength and it’s surprised me. I know that I’m strong, but when 20-pound weights seem heavy in a workout it’s crazy to think that I can lift several times that if I’m doing something in my regular life. And maybe the real-world experiences have to do with being stubborn and not just my strength. And I had an example of that this week.

I have been looking for a new tv stand pretty much since I moved into my condo. When I saw how tiny my current one looked, I knew I needed to upgrade. But I didn’t want to just spend my money on anything so I took my time looking for the right one. It was nice to not need to rush to buy something, but I also realized after looking at them for a while that I needed to make a choice because any of the ones I was looking at could work. So I picked one that felt the most unique and visually interesting and had it shipped to my house.

At my old place, deliveries were always right in front of my front door. At my current place, sometimes they bring things right to my door and sometimes they are left by the mailboxes. Our mailboxes aren’t that far from my door, I just have to go across the courtyard. And it’s never really been an issue since I haven’t ordered anything that was too heavy before. But that was until my new tv stand arrived.

I knew that I ordered something big because I was very specific in my search for the right one and I knew I needed something much bigger than what I had. But I guess I didn’t think about it too much until the box was sitting by the mailboxes and it was taller than me. And not only was it a huge box, but it also weighed over 120 pounds (at least according to the side of the box). I went to my neighbor’s door to see if maybe they could help me, but they weren’t available. And I didn’t want to leave it by the mailboxes since it could possibly be in someone’s way. So I had to figure out how to get it across the courtyard to my place.

It took a few minutes for me to safely lay the box down so it was on the side and then I worked on pushing it in small bursts. It was like how people in workouts push those weighted sleds, but it was a very awkward thing to move since it was a skinny box and I had to navigate multiple turns. Nobody was in the courtyard while I was doing this, so I didn’t have a chance to ask anyone for help. But also nobody saw how long this took me to accomplish. It felt like a second workout for the day since I had already worked out that morning. But after some time, I finally got the huge box inside my house and I could relax.

I’ll work on building the tv stand soon, but since I can open the box and take out what I need I don’t need to worry about pushing the heavy box again. But knowing that I was able to do that on my own when I thought I would need help just proved to me how strong I really am. I don’t think this means I should lift heavier weights all the time since this was a very different thing from what I do in my workouts. But it was nice to see how strong I’ve gotten and how there are results in my body even if I can’t see them when I look in the mirror.

Grateful That I Have Some Good Dates Mixed In With The Crazy Ones (or Finding New Places In My Neighborhood)

I definitely have more bad dating stories than I have good dating stories. A lot of the bad stories are about guys I’ve never met, but who are creeps while messaging me, and then I have to unmatch or block them. Fortunately, they out themselves as creeps before I waste too much time on them or make an effort to meet them in person. But of the dates that I actually go on, they still tend to be more negative than positive. Even sometimes the good dates end as not-good dates because there’s not going to be a second date for whatever reason. It’s always disappointing when I think it’s a good date and then the guy says that he doesn’t see a romantic future with me. But I know that it is a numbers game and that eventually, I’ll meet someone good.

And as I’ve said before, at least my bad dating stories give me something funny to write about. The book I wrote about dating is mainly filled with the bad and crazy dates I’ve been on. I’ve written about some of the good ones because I learned some great lessons from those too, but they tend to not be entertaining.

But I also have stories that are about dating but not specifically about the guys I’ve met. I have a section in the book about how dating has allowed me to go to some really fun places around LA. Even after living here for over 20 years, there are so many places I’ve never been to and sometimes they are really amazing and cool. And over the past year, I’ve been learning how there are some hidden gems in my own neighborhood that I’ve never been to either.

I’ve lived in my current neighborhood for 13 years now. And before that, I lived only a mile away from where I am now. So since 2004, I’ve been within a pretty close radius and I feel like I’ve had a lot of time to explore my little part of LA. But there are always places that I just have never been to or places that are new that I haven’t been able to go to yet.

Whenever I have a date and we are meeting near where I live, I have the same few places that I suggest for a first date. They are always places that are very public, usually have others around, and I feel like I can be safe. Most of the time, I’m asked where the date should be. But sometimes the guy I’m meeting suggests the place and it’s somewhere I’ve never been. Before I agree to meet them there, I usually check to make sure that it seems safe. Most of the time, they are suggesting a bar I’ve never been to so it’s usually ok. There’s only one time I remember looking up the bar that was suggested and the reviews online were filled with women warning others that the staff seemed sketchy and they didn’t feel safe. But as long as it seems safe, I’ll agree to go there and it’s usually a fun adventure.

In the past year, I’ve gone to multiple bars that I’ve never been to or even heard of before. Some of them are somewhat close to where I live, but it makes sense that I’ve never been there before. But I had a date recently that suggested a bar that was maybe 10 blocks from my house and I had never heard of it. I’ve probably driven past that bar a thousand times over the years because it’s on a main street that I take several times a week. I couldn’t believe I never noticed a bar there or had been there before, but it was a fun adventure to get to check out a new place.

It was very unique inside but it was comfortable and didn’t feel like you were there to be seen or had to be on while you were sitting there. And there were booths to sit in so you didn’t have to be in the middle of everyone when it started to get a bit more crowded in there.

And the date I had there was a good date. Not just because I got to learn about a new to me place in my neighborhood, but that was a nice bonus. And if I need to suggest a bar in the future for a first date, I might suggest this place since it was fun (at least until karaoke started and it got a bit too loud).

Even if things with this guy don’t move beyond the date we had, at least it was a good date and a positive one to remember when things get crazy or I start to feel a bit hopeless in the endless swiping on the apps. Good dates like this one help me to keep going and remember that not everyone will be a bad date. And I just have to keep going and hoping I’ll find the right guy soon enough. But until then, I guess I’ll just have to look forward to maybe learning about more places near my house that I never would have discovered otherwise.

Another Challenge About My Schedule (or Hopefully This Month Goes Better)

As I wrote about halfway through January, I think I might have picked the wrong monthly challenge for my first one in 2023. I had so many good intentions to work on planning out a schedule and so many things happened that made that a lot more difficult than it should have been. I really did try to figure out at least something to have regularity in my week, but it was limited to only a few things.

I have a much better idea of when I can try to cook a meal since it’s really limited with my schedule. I want to try to figure out some faster things to make so I can cook after work and not feel overwhelmed or eat too late. And I’m working on prepping ingredients so they are easy to grab throughout the week. For example, I make my own pickled onions to add to salads and sandwiches on the weekend so I have them all week.

I also had a few small ideas about my cleaning schedule. There’s a lot more to work on with this, but I am trying to use my robot vacuum more so I don’t feel as much pressure to do vacuuming after work to keep up with things. I’m looking into other shortcuts to tricks I can use for other cleaning tasks, but I think I really should think more seriously about having a cleaning service come in once a month or so to do a big cleaning. I think that will help keep things in order so my weekly cleanings aren’t as big. I have to do some budgeting work to figure out if that’s feasible, but I’m making it a higher priority for me than some other things I was thinking of saving for.

Even though my January challenge about scheduling didn’t go that well, I have another scheduling challenge for February. This is a part of my big annual goals for the year, but this month I want to really focus on my sleeping schedule and making sure I get more sleep each night.

This has been something I have known I needed to do for a long time, but it really hit me hard this week. Last week, I was doing really well with getting to bed on time and getting an hour or more sleep each night than I have been getting. I know I still need more than that, but I did feel a difference and I was feeling a lot better. But this week, I’ve been getting back into my usual habits and I’m not getting enough sleep again. I’m actually getting a bit more sleep this week than I did a few weeks ago, but it’s still less than last week. And it’s making me more tired than I have been before. I wasn’t expecting it to be such a huge change, but I guess this is a sign that I really do need to focus more on sleep.

And that’s exactly what I plan to do this month. I know it’s tempting to stay up late to read to catch up on tv or other things, but I just need to remember that I can do that another time. Unless there is something urgent that has to be done, I want to really try hard to stick to a better sleep schedule even if I want to stay up later. I know this won’t always be possible, especially if I am meeting up with friends in the evening or going to dinner. But I can make an effort for all the evenings I’m not out and don’t have a good excuse to stay up late.

I’m curious if I’ll be able to do this since this is something I’ve been struggling with for a while. But I’m also curious to see how this makes me feel if I’m able to do it for most of the month. I want to see how it affects my physical and mental health. I know it will only have positive effects, but I don’t know how much of a difference it will make yet. But hopefully, but the end of this month I will be able to update you with the results!

Recognizing Some Weird Habits (or Continuing To Work On Being Used To My New Space)

I’ve been living in my condo for just over 9 months now, and I feel like I’m still getting used to it. I was worried about the move being weird, especially since I was staying in the same neighborhood. I joked that I would probably accidentally pull into the wrong driveway at least once because I had been going into that driveway for 12 years. I’m still shocked that I haven’t made that mistake yet, and even before I was fully moved out, my old place just didn’t feel like home anymore. Maybe I’ll make that mistake someday, but at least for now, it hasn’t happened.

But I’ve been noticing other odd habits that I think have carried over from living at my old place. I had such a routine being in that home for over a decade and so many of them were specific to that space. But because they had become routine to me, I guess I carried them into my new home and it took me until now to realize what I was doing.

A lot of these old habits have to do with how I put things away or store things. I’m so used to having very little space and even less storage space. I found a way to make a 400-square-foot home not feel tiny and cramped, but I think a lot of that was luck and how I put things away when I brought them into my home. I had only so many places I could put things like my purse or keys and if they weren’t in that location they made my place feel messy or I couldn’t find what I needed when I needed them.

Now that I’m in a home that’s almost 3 times the size, I’m still doing some things the way I did when I had less space. I’m trying to find places to store things that feel a bit more random and weird. I don’t need to store things behind others in closets or squish things into drawers anymore. It took me until this past weekend to realize I had the entire top of the closet in my guest room/office to store things and I finally put some things away in there. I’m used to putting things away in specific areas, but they aren’t always the best places now that I have more options. I went through this a lot with what I stored in my bathroom compared to before, but I guess it never really connected that I needed to do this for other areas of my home.

I am still getting some furniture that I know I need to store items, but I’m hopefully getting my new tv stand in the next few weeks so that will give me a bit more storage space in my living room. And I’ll probably keep my old tv stand in my office for a little while and use that for storage until I get the library bed I’ll be putting in there eventually. I still have things in boxes that I’d like to put away when I can, even if the place I put them isn’t going to be where they stay for a long time. But I’m realizing that it’s not a big deal for me to have to rearrange or reorganize things as I continue to get more furniture or more set up in my home. And as I do that, I hopefully will find more of these storage habits I have held on to and see how I can do things better in my current place.

I know that it’s not easy to break habits I have had for almost 25% of my life. I need to remember how much space I have now and how I can put things where I want to and not just where it has to go because that’s the only place they can fit. And I’m sure I’ll create some other odd habits with storage in this place too and if I move in the future I’ll have to break those. But for now, I just want to really allow myself to take advantage of how much space I have and feel like I can use it the way that seems right to me now and now just how I am used to doing things.

Another Good Workout Week (or Another Week With A PR)

I had a pretty great workout week this past week. I was feeling good, which really helps everything in life. But it especially helps my workouts. I’ve also been doing better with getting more sleep, so I’m not dealing with the same tiredness I had before. The only time I didn’t get enough sleep was when we had an earthquake and I struggled to get back to sleep. But only 1 night of bad sleep is so much better than every night with bad sleep.

Monday’s workout had a good mix of endurance, strength, and power. And I was ready to push myself in each type of workout.

We had 3 blocks for cardio and each one had a different focus. The first block was about endurance and we had rounds of a 45-second push pace and a 90-second base pace. The second block was all 30-second intervals and the incline changed every 30 seconds. I used all resistance levels higher than my normal all-out so that made it more of a challenge. And the last block was all 30-second all-outs with recovery between each one.

On the rower, we also had 3 blocks. For the first block, we rowed for 5 minutes and then checked our distance. For the second block, we did 15 stroke drills with lunges between each row. And the goal was to get to half of the distance from the first block. And in the last block, we had rounds of 100-meter rows with 10 seconds to rest between each row.

And on the floor, we had one long block. We had 3 mini-blocks and we did each one twice before moving to the next one. We had lunges and bicep curls, lateral lunges and hammer curls, and squats and clean to presses with weights. It was a good variety of exercises and really liked how the floor work was organized so I didn’t feel like any part of my body was getting overtired.

Tuesday’s workout was a tough one, but it was a good and tough one. Each section of the room was a single block, so we didn’t have a lot of time to rest. But it was a challenge and I’m glad I got to do it on a day I was feeling good.

For cardio, we had rounds of a push pace and a base pace. The time matched for the push and base paces each round starting at 30 seconds and then increasing by 15 seconds each time. Even though it got harder as the push paces got longer since the base paces were also longer it helped me get ready for each one.

On the rower, we started with a 200-meter row followed by a front press with a medicine ball. Then we had a 400-meter row, the front press, and a lunge. Next was a 600-meter row with those exercises plus overhead presses with a medicine ball. I was working on the 800-meter row when the block ended.

And on the floor, we started with reverse rows with weights. In the second round, we added sumo squats to upright rows. In the third round, we added squats. And in the last round, we added rows on the straps so we did all 4 exercises. We were supposed to go slowly and use heavy weights, so even though this doesn’t sound like a lot of work it did take up the entire time for me.

Wednesday was the day that I was tired, so my workout wasn’t as great as it had been earlier in the week. But it was still better than a lot of workouts have been for me recently.

For cardio, both blocks focused on incline/resistance work. We alternated between a push pace without an incline and a push pace with one. In the first block, the push paces were 45 seconds each and in the second block, they were 30 seconds each.

On the rower, the first block started with a 12 stroke drill. We looked at the distance we got and then tried to get to that same distance again but in fewer strokes. After that second row, we had squats before repeating the pattern again. The second block was the same pattern, but we did 15 stroke drills instead.

And on the floor, we did cluster sets. So we did an exercise, rested for about 10 seconds, and then did the same exercise again for as many reps as possible. We did each exercise as a cluster set 3 times before moving on to the next one. We had chest presses, tap squats, and overhead triceps. I didn’t go too heavy with the weights and I was feeling a bit weak, but I think that was because I was tired.

And Thursday’s workout was a signature workout. This one was Inferno, which is a rowing challenge. It’s a bit different when you do it as a 3-group class compared to a 2-group class, but it’s still a challenge where you try to get the best rowing distance possible.

I started on cardio, which wasn’t too hard since we were supposed to save our energy for the row. The first block had 1-minute push paces with increasing base paces. And the second block had 30-second push paces with increasing base paces. Both blocks ended with a 30-second all-out, but I didn’t go as hard as I normally would since I wanted to do my best with the Inferno challenge.

Then I was on the rower. For the 3-group class, the row starts with a 100-meter row, and then you do 20 lateral hops. Each time you sit back on the rower, you increase your row by 100 meters. I had a few ideas of the distance I wanted to get to in 14 minutes, and I knew I wanted to do better than 2000 meters. For some reason, 2100 meters was sticking in my mind so I went with that as my goal. I really tried to row as hard as I could and not rest. I knew I’d be close to my goal, and when the time was up I was at 2098 meters. That was so frustrating because 2 meters is nothing. It’s a fraction of a second. It would be me sitting down a millisecond faster. I did get a PR with the row, but it was tough knowing I was so close. I tried to focus on the PR more and I did celebrate how well I did when I know my past attempts weren’t this good.

I had the floor after the row, but I went pretty slow on the floor since I was tired from rowing. But I still tried my best. We had 2 floor blocks and they were focused on upper body work. In the first block, we had chest flys, lateral raises, and lunges. And in the second block, we had torso reaches on the straps, standing chest flys, and push-ups. I didn’t get that many rounds done, but I did them.

I’m so glad I had another good week. They have been rare lately and I always need that confidence boost to know that I’ve continued to make progress. Even with the minor disappointments and issues I had this past week, it was still a really great week for me and I know it will help me with any nausea and pain issues that may come for me this week.

Starting To Plan Some Next Steps (or Researching Classes and Looking At My Schedule)

I really want to get back into my acting career this year. I’ve been way too passive about things lately and I know I need to stop doing that. I was using the pandemic as an excuse at first, but I know now that isn’t really the reality of the situation anymore. Things aren’t completely back to how they were before, but they are almost there and I need to get back to pursuing my acting career that I did before as well.

Because it’s been a while since I’ve really been working hard at my career, I do have to restart a few things and make sure that I have the best situation as possible for various things. I’m going to look for a new agent, which will require making sure I’ve got a nice new headshot and demo reel to use when I submit myself to agencies. I also know that having new headshots will help when I’m submitted for work. Most jobs will come through my agent (whether it’s the one I have now or a new one if I change agents), so I won’t be submitting myself as much as I did before. But I still plan on continuing to submit myself for work because that’s one of the few things I can control about this career.

The photographer that I used most recently for headshots is no longer in LA. Another photographer I’ve used before is still here, so I may see her again. But I’ve been looking into new photographers in case I find someone new that I’d like to work with who I feel could get some great shots. I know getting my materials updated is important, but I also think that planning is the easier part for me. I just have to decide when I want to do the photos and book them. But there are other things that I’m trying to get ready for and that’s taking more effort.

I haven’t been in a formal acting class in a while. I miss being in class, but before I had my current job it was harder for me to find a class that worked with my budget. There were a few affordable classes I tried to get into, but they usually had a lot of interest and I wasn’t picked to be in the class when I auditioned for it. And I wasn’t really sure what type of class I wanted to be in since I’ve done a bunch in the past and I have liked the different focuses and couldn’t pick either a favorite or one that I felt I really needed to focus on more.

Now that I have the ability to spend money on classes again, I’ve been trying to do some more serious and specific research. I’ve been asking my friends who are enjoying their classes where they are studying so I can look into those teachers a bit more. Some of them aren’t a good fit for me or have a focus on something I’m not interested in (some classes, for example, focus on both directing and acting and I don’t have an interest in directing). But I’ve started to build a short list of some classes that do seem to be good fits for me, at least when considering the focus and the price. There are a few that aren’t super close to where I live, so it would be harder to get to them.

And then I have to consider my schedule. A lot of classes are during the day, and I can’t do those unless they were a 1-hour class on Zoom and I could do that on my lunch break. But classes typically are longer than that, so daytime classes wouldn’t work. And I’m not always free every evening so there are only so many nights a week that I could potentially go to a class.

Finding the perfect class or classes for me is going to take time when I consider all the different factors. I’m not in a rush to get into a class, but I do want to get a plan going sooner rather than later since I know how easily time can just slip by. I hope that it won’t take too long for me to find the perfect match with all the different things I have to work with and around. And maybe with all this research, I’ll have a good list of classes to consider in the future once I’m ready for a different class option.

Even though I won’t see results from this research right away, I’m glad I got started on it already since this will all take time. And hopefully, by the end of the year, I will feel like I have accomplished so much more with my acting career than I have in the past few years.

A Cheesecake Lunch (or Still Keeping Up With An Annual Tradition)

Going out to the Cheesecake Factory around the new year has been a long-running tradition with my birthday twin. We used to go closer to Christmas or New Year’s, but the last few years have been more about just getting there at some point in January instead of worrying about going during the holidays. It is nice going during the holidays since the outdoor mall we go to has some really nice decorations, but I also like going outside of the holidays since it’s not as crowded. This time, we also decided to go on the weekend for lunch instead of going after work one day. That allowed us to have a bit more flexibility with how long we were there and we didn’t feel tired after having a full workday.

I was surprised when we got there and we were able to be seated immediately. We are used to having a long wait, but we must have gotten there at exactly the right time because they were able to seat us at a table outside with no issues. And I wanted to sit outside since I’m still a bit hesitant about being somewhere inside without having a mask on. It was cold, but they have a lot of heat lamps on their balcony so it was actually warmer outside under the heat lamps than it was just being inside. Plus, it’s always nicer to sit outside where we can people-watch while we eat.

Because we went on a weekend for lunch, we had brunch as an option for our food. I was seriously considering getting something different that I’ve never had, but I ended up getting the same salad I always do. I was trying to think about what I would enjoy plus trying to have something that is at least somewhat healthy considering how bad the meal could be.

As soon as we placed our order, it was time for our catch-up. We always have a lot to catch up on when we have our meals together. She filled me in on the renovation she had to do to her condo, which had been something happening for the last year. And I told her about my crazy date, which was the day before, and some of the things I want to still do to the condo. I think both of us going through renovations at the same time has made her the perfect friend to bounce ideas off of when I have had moments where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do something or not. Or to be someone who understands how stressful it can be to have to make so many decisions.

And of course, we got cheesecake. I think we confused our server when we asked if each piece could be cut in half so we each would get half, but he understood and we each got half of the flavors we ordered.

With my new medication, I’m not eating as much as I did before, but I still was able to enjoy this meal. I just had a lot less of my salad than I normally would and I ate probably half of the cheesecake I normally would. I rarely finish the food we get since it’s so much, but it was still interesting to see how much less I wanted to have this time. But that’s not a bad thing so I’m not mad about it.

And since we were there for lunch instead of a later dinner, we had some time to wander around after we were done eating. I think we both needed to walk a bit before getting back into our cars after that meal. We did a little window shopping at a few of the stores while walking around and then we went into Cost Plus since I wanted to see what they still had on sale since I know they normally have things on sale after Christmas. I ended up getting a couple of random things that I didn’t really need but would look nice as decor around my condo. And nothing was very expensive or elaborate. But I am trying to be better about either getting things that are cute that catch my attention or noting them somewhere to buy later. I want to make sure my home has things in it that are nice and make me happy.

After shopping for a bit, we both had to head back to our cars to get to other things we needed to do. But it was a nice change to our tradition to be able to spend more time than just eating a meal and then leaving. Maybe we’ll continue to do lunches for our cheesecake meals so we don’t have to feel as rushed as we have in the past. But even if in a year we are back to doing dinner, it’s still a tradition I look forward to each year and I’m so glad that we fit it in this year!

Sometimes I Need To Be Ok Not Being Polite (or Knowing The Value Of My Time)

My journey with dating has taught me so many lessons over the past few years. I’ve learned to stand up for myself a lot more, which has really helped me to not waste as much time as I did in the past. I don’t try to play cool about things and speak up if I want something that doesn’t seem to be happening. I might not have as many dates now as I did a few years ago, but they tend to be better dates. Or at least they are dates with guys who claim to be looking for the same thing as what I’m looking for. They aren’t always good dates and there have been guys who have lied to me, but I’m very upfront about what I want and I’m not worried I’ll scare someone away. The right person will not be scared off.

I’ve also learned that I don’t have to tolerate bad dates or bad messages on apps. If someone starts to send me messages that are inappropriate or make me uncomfortable, I don’t have to see if things will get better unless I think that maybe there is some miscommunication. I will unmatch with someone without worrying that could be rude when I’m not ok with messaging with them anymore. Because I don’t give out my phone number until I meet someone in person, I haven’t had to block too many people from being able to call or text me, but I’m starting to be more ok with that and I have had to block one person from my past. But fortunately, since I don’t give out my number too quickly, I don’t think I will have to do that too often.

But it’s much easier for me to end bad or unwanted messages than it is for me to end a bad date. I’ve walked away quickly from a handful of dates, but it tends to be when something pretty extreme happens that makes me feel very uncomfortable or worried about my safety. For other bad dates where I might just be uneasy, I usually end up looking at my watch and trying to find a graceful way to leave. If it’s been an hour, that seems like a reasonable amount of time to leave a first date. Or if my phone is buzzing, I might lie and say that something came up and I needed to go. But I still try to be polite when possible even if I’m leaving a date very quickly.

Over this past weekend, I had a first date with someone new. It was during the day, which is a rare first date for me but I was happy to not be out at night when it’s been a lot colder. We were going to meet at my usual first date spot, which is an outdoor seating area near where I live. I like that location since it’s in public and there are always people around. Plus there are options to get something to eat or walk around if we decide to do so. I do prefer to meet closer to where I live so I don’t have to drive that far. And this time, my date was driving somewhat far to meet me. I usually try to only meet someone who lives a reasonable distance from me, but this guy was willing to come to my side of LA which was about an hour-long drive.

And from the beginning of that date, I knew it wasn’t going well. He said things that made me very hesitant. I tried to not judge him too quickly and thought maybe it was just nerves on his end that made him say things like that. But he continued to say things that made me realize quickly that we weren’t a good match. But because he drove over an hour to meet me, I really felt guilty ending the date quickly and tried to see if I could make it for about an hour. If he hadn’t driven that far, I probably would have ended things a lot sooner and that’s really what I should have done. But I guess I was lucky that he ended up storming off after about 15 minutes because when he asked me if I thought the date was going well I was honest and said I didn’t think we were a good match. He wanted me to explain why, and I was starting to feel more uncomfortable and I tried to just say it seems like we don’t have the same interests. I’m glad he ended up walking away so I could leave too.

I know that he drove a lot longer than the date lasted, but I’ve been in situations where I drove a lot longer than a date as well. I know it’s been a long process of learning how it’s ok to not always be polite, and I guess I found another of my weaknesses because I wanted to not feel bad about how long he drove. But at the same time, I was willing to waste an hour of my day on someone who wasn’t worthy of it. And that should have been important to me. I should have valued my time (and I guess his as well) and ended the date soon after I knew that it wasn’t going to work.

I don’t want to say that I will be able to do that the next time something like this happens to me, but I hope that I will remember what my time is worth and that I shouldn’t have to waste it.