Category Archives: Tough Stuff

The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

Posted on April 2, 2015 | Comments Off on The Good Outweighing The Bad? (or When Will I Get Back On Track?)

I’ve been having a lot of bad foods days lately.

I honestly don’t know why.

I’m stocking my fridge and pantry with a lot of the same things that I was eating during the cleanse and weight loss challenge. But I’ll go out and get “bad” foods if they aren’t in my house. And I always immediately regret the fact that I ate the “bad” foods as soon as it’s done.

This isn’t a boredom thing. It’s just the nature of my eating disorder. I almost go into a trance state when it happens. I sometimes don’t realize that I ate something until I see the empty wrapper or container in front of me. It scares me that I can lose track of time and myself and not realize it.

I have no idea why I did so well while on the cleanse and I’m having a tough time now. It really makes no sense to me. But this is a pattern that I’ve had in the past. When I’m on a food plan that has a specific end goal (like my first hip surgery or the weight loss challenge), I can do ok. But when the goal is a general one, whatever keeps me on the right path goes away.

The one big difference between now and other times when I’ve lost a decent amount of weight is that I’m still continuing with my workouts (and pushing myself more and more). Having my workout consistency is helping me with not gaining all the weight back right away. In the past, the weight came back as fast (if not faster) than I lost it.

I have gained back some. It’s less than half of what I lost, so that’s not too horrible. And my weight has held steady for the past week and a half at the amount I’ve gained back. I’m working really hard at trying to get back down to where I was (and get lower). My clothes aren’t too tight, so I know that the weight I’ve gained could be water weight. Normally when it’s “real” weight, my clothes feel tight immediately.

I’m still trying to focus on the fact that I’m still weighing less now than I was at the beginning of the year. And I’m making steps to be at a weight that I need to get to in order to consider getting my hip surgery.

I’m not sure if I’ll have another bad food moment/day in the near future. I’m really going to try to stay focused on my time and not to let time slip away. I’m continuing to plan out all my meals and hopefully with having it written out early in the day will give me something to focus (while I don’t like the idea of counting down the minutes to my next meal, it might help keep me on track).

This is all just the nature of the beast of this eating disorder. I’m aware that this post might sound odd and rambling, but that’s how it is in my head. I’m trying to focus and put all these things in order but it doesn’t seem to have an order to go to.

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Default ThumbnailHonesty Time (or Going Backwards) Default ThumbnailTrying To Keep All My Good Habits (or I Need To Get Back On Track) Default ThumbnailRoutine Time Again (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailFinding My Way Back On Track (or A New Balance) Default ThumbnailAnother Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work)

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No More Late Nights? (or Is My New Medication Making Me A Party Pooper?)

Posted on March 31, 2015 | Comments Off on No More Late Nights? (or Is My New Medication Making Me A Party Pooper?)

I’ve been taking my new medication for a little while now. My heart rate is almost back to where it used to be (even in workouts) and all the other side effects that I was feeling are gone.

But I still don’t feel totally back to normal now. And it seems to be only affecting me at nighttime.

This past week I had been going to bed earlier than usual, but I didn’t think much of it. I’ve been dealing with a cold or allergies lately and whenever my body is fighting something like that it needs more sleep.

Then on Saturday, my day started pretty normally. I worked my morning shift and then went to a workout. After I got showered and changed, I was supposed to head out to Chris and Marie‘s house for another party (seriously, they are the best party hosts ever!).

I got to the party around 4pm and was feeling fine at first. But I was starting to feel a bit worn down. I thought maybe I was hungry so I ate some food, but I was still feeling off.

I decided that it wasn’t worth it to me to stay out super late so I set a goal that I was going to stay until at least 9pm. But by 8pm, I was starting to feel so exhausted that I worried about how safe I would feel driving home in another hour.

I ended up leaving just before 9pm and as soon as I got home I fell asleep.

Maybe I’m still dealing with this cold/allergies thing, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s the medication. I’ve looked it up online and the medication is a time release medication that is typically out of your system about 12-14 hours after you take it. On Saturdays, since I have an early shift at work, I take my medication no later than 7am. So to be exhausted by 7pm makes sense.

I know that I’m still in the testing/trial phase of the medication. Things still need to be adjusted for me if I’m going to stay on it long-term (which I don’t know if I will). I see my doctor in just under 3 weeks from now and I know that this exhaustion thing will be something I mention if it continues.

I don’t want to put the blame on the medication, but it’s really the only thing that has changed in my life (except for the heat in LA lately). I can’t figure out what else might be causing this. And while I’m not normally a night-owl, I do like to be able to go and hang out with my friends in the evening. Hopefully when I speak to my doctor, something can be adjusted with this so that I will be able to do that again.

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4 Workout Week (or Heavy Weights And Speedy Treadmills)

Posted on March 30, 2015 | 1 comment

It was another 4 workout week at Orangetheory. I’ve pretty much decided that on Mondays, I’m going to do morning workouts (unless I already have something scheduled in the morning). It’s just easier for me not to have to drive home in rush hour traffic and there’s no reason why I should have to save my afternoon on my day off. Plus, morning workouts allow me to do fun things like Disneyland on my day off!

I’m still struggling with getting my heart rate to get up in the mornings, but that makes me feel like these morning workouts are needed. I need to be good with working out anytime during the day.

My biggest focuses right now in my workouts are to keep increasing my weights and treadmill speed. I haven’t been in a plateau, but I know that I can’t restrict pushing myself due to the fear of hurting my hips.

I’m having an ok time with using at least 15 pound weights for everything. For chest and shoulder work, it’s still tough. Especially when we have longer sets (like 10-15 reps each round). I’m getting really fatigued but I’m trying to not go down to lower weights right away. I’ve been doing alright with that. I’m pretty much not reducing the weight I’m lifting until the 3rd or 4th round each time.

Where I’m having trouble is pushing myself beyond the 15 pound weights. I know that for some things like squats that I can probably start using the 20 pound weights. But I don’t always grab for those. They just seem so extreme somehow to me. But I’m aware that I’m not reaching for the heavier weights now so hopefully the next time I have the opportunity to use them, I will.

As far as speeding up on the treadmill, I was able to keep my pace at 3.4 miles an hour during all 4 workouts. On my Saturday workout, it was definitely a struggle because my legs were tired (plus it was a hill day which doesn’t make things easier). I have no plan to move to 3.5 miles an hour anytime soon. 3.4 miles an hour still seems really fast to me.

But the other change I’ve been working on making on the treadmill is my walking speed between blocks. For the joggers and runners, when they get to walk they are told to put the treadmill at 3.0 miles an hour. Since that has always been so close to my walking speed, I would lower my treadmill speed to 2.0 or 2.5 miles an hour when I walk between the blocks. But I’m trying to go to 3.0 miles an hour between blocks sometimes. When we’ve just done a crazy hill or all-out (where I’m at 15% incline) I still need the super slow speed to cool-down. But if I’m not beyond exhausted at the end of a block, I’m really trying to only go down to 3.0 miles an hour.

These are all good progress steps in my mind. I’m much happier with the progress I’ve made with the weights than the progress I’ve made on the treadmill. I’m not sure why that is, but I just feel like my treadmill work is still such a struggle (the hip pain doesn’t help). Maybe I’ll feel better about it in a few weeks when I have my next 5K. I have no idea if I’ll PR again, but I feel like it’s a possibility because I’m doing faster treadmill workouts at Orangetheory now than I was doing before my last 5K.

I’ll just have to wait and see what happens at the 5K.

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Going From So Much Excitement To Normal In A Few Hours (or Life As An Actor)

Posted on March 27, 2015 | 1 comment

My day on Tuesday was going to be pretty normal. I knew I had work from 10-3 as usual and then I had the afternoon free (my temp job is done now).

So as I went around doing my after-work errands (which included buying the digital version of “Into The Woods” for my AppleTV), I was pretty much in no-stress mode.

Then, as I’m sitting at home, I get a text from my agents. I had an audition for Wednesday evening! It was for a national commercial and I had lines to prepare.

So I quickly got into actor mode. First, I rescheduled my afternoon workout for Wednesday. I might have been able to both workout and make it to the audition, but I didn’t want to stress about it. So I rescheduled to a super early workout. Since the audition took place late, I didn’t have to worry about dealing with anything at my day job, so that was one less thing to take care of.

I really wanted to watch “Into The Woods”, so I had it up on my tv while I ran the lines for the audition on the Rehearsal 2 app on my iPad.

Audition Prep

The script for the audition was more than I’m used to for commercial auditions. There were 4 potential parts that I could be auditioning for (the audition notice didn’t specify the part), so I decided that I would memorize all 4 parts.

So I spent a good chunk of my afternoon/evening working on the script and getting everything else ready for the audition the next day (plus planning on waking up early to get in a before-work workout).

Then, I got another text from my agents.

My audition was canceled.

My agents really didn’t get much information beyond the audition being canceled. So it could be for tons of different reasons. Maybe they didn’t want me to audition. Maybe they already cast the part. Maybe it’s not really canceled but it will be rescheduled and they don’t have a new reschedule date yet. Maybe the commercial isn’t going to happen anymore.

No matter the reason, there was no need for me to prep anymore.

So I did all my prep work in reverse. I put away my iPad and the script. I canceled my early morning workout and rebooked my afternoon workout. And I got to watch “Into The Woods” without having to focus on the script.

This is a way of life for me. I think this is only the first or second audition that was ever canceled on me. Usually, when I get a cancellation text my agents have been told that it will be rescheduled but the casting directors don’t know when. They can’t reschedule without a date through the online submission services so if the new date is unknown, the audition has to be canceled.

I can’t get down about this. I did nothing wrong. And for all I know, in a week or two this audition will come back and it will actually be a reschedule and not a cancellation.

I just have to keep thinking positive and know that eventually, an awesome part will be mine. But for now, I will just be grateful that I was considered for a great job and I got to practice my acting skill with a new script.

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1 Week On Vyvanse (or Hoping To Answer Some Questions)

Posted on March 20, 2015 | 4 comments

I’ve been on Vyvanse for a week now. Since I’ve been so open about both my eating disorder and being put on this medication, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about it.

First of all, Vyvanse is an ADHD drug that the FDA approved for people with moderate to severe binge eating disorders. I’ve heard for years how ADD and ADHD medications have helped with my type of eating disorder, but the rule with my health insurance is that my prescription coverage doesn’t cover prescriptions that are being used for something that the FDA hasn’t approved it for yet. So while I wanted to try some other options, this is the only one that my insurance will cover.

To get prescribed this medication, first you have to be diagnosed with a binge eating disorder. I was first formally diagnosed with it even before it was a recognized eating disorder by my hospital. Since there really weren’t any treatment options at my hospital (they were going to consider me a non-purging bulimic), I went elsewhere for therapy. This included the RFO program which did have group therapy. I had to be re-diagnosed with a binge eating disorder to get the prescription.

This is not a weight loss drug. I know that those are out there, but I wasn’t looking for that. This medication helps to reduce the number of binge eating episodes that I have. To me, that is way more powerful than a weight loss medication.

And yes, I have felt some side effects. I had a racing heart pretty much the entire first few days. But now, that is gone. I also had issues with shaking hands, but that is also pretty much gone (that sometimes comes back when I work out). Beyond the first two days, almost all the side effects have stopped. The only side effect that I’ve felt every day is a little dizziness for brief amounts of time (maybe less than a minute) a few times a day. It feels very similar to vertigo (which I have so maybe that is what the dizziness issue is).

I’ve had a lot of people ask me how it’s going so far. Well, I’ve been on the medication for a week. And I’m taking less than half of what the dosage usually was for patients with binge eating disorders. I’m even taking less than the recommended starting dosage. I’m not sure why my doctor did it this way, but I will be meeting with him in just about a month to reevaluate (and I’m sure to up my dosage if I’d like to continue taking it). It’s hard to tell how much it’s working right now. I have had moments where I have no appetite, and I know that is something that this is supposed to do. But it has not reduced my binge eating episodes down as much as many of the trials stated it did for those patients. Again, this might be due to the low dosage that I’m on.

My plan going forward is to continue taking the medication and evaluating if a higher dosage would give me better results when I meet with my doctor next month. That’s it. I can’t really do much more than that. I’ve been warned that it can take several months to figure out if a medication is right for me and what dosage I need to be on. I just have to be patient and see.

If you have any questions about Vyvanse (I’m not paid to talk about it, just sharing my experiences with you all), let me know. I’m happy to help answer what I can. It makes me so happy that by me allowing myself to be open and share this with the world that others feel comfortable enough confiding in me. If I get nothing else out of this medication, I will know that I might have helped at least one person be less ashamed about their eating disorder.

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Seeing My Heart Rate Spike (or What It’s Like Working Out On The New Medication)

Posted on March 16, 2015 | Comments Off on Seeing My Heart Rate Spike (or What It’s Like Working Out On The New Medication)

This past week, I got 4 workouts in (finally!). Two of those workouts were before I started the new medication and two of them were after. And those workouts were like night and day!

I was finally back to my normal schedule for workouts, so that made me happy. Monday was fine but Wednesday was a bit tough. My hips were killing me after being positioned so strangely for my x-rays. I don’t remember having so much pain after my last set of x-rays, but I just tried to not focus on the pain and to listen to my body when I might need to take breaks.

Even though on my post on Friday, I didn’t know exactly when I would start the new medication, I actually was able to start on Friday morning (I take the medicine once a day and in the morning only). I’ll go more into how my first week on the new medicine goes towards the end of this week, but it really did change my workouts.

I have no idea if it was a smart thing to do a workout on the first day of a new medication, but I did it and I can’t change that. My heart was racing like crazy all day, even if I was just sitting at my desk. With my heart racing so much, it was almost causing a panic attack as well! But I just tried to take deep breaths and remind myself that an increased heart rate is a very common (and almost expected) side effect of the medication.

I warned my coach on Friday that my heart rate was racing and that I wasn’t sure how I would do in the workout. He told me to just listen to my body and to take any extra breaks that I might need. And I really needed those extra breaks!

I have been struggling a lot lately to get my heart rate up into the orange zone. But when you compare a workout from the beginning of the week to one at the end of the week, you can see how much higher my heart rate was the entire time.

11054361_10153136765947748_6855438077333099653_n

The top one is from the beginning of the week and the bottom is from the end of the week. And the zones that the app has is different from the zones at Orangetheory, so it doesn’t really show how much time I spent in the orange and red zone (I was there for 33 minutes of a 55 minute workout).

There were a couple of scary moments where my heart was racing so hard that I was getting dizzy and nauseous. That pretty much only happened on the treadmill so when I felt like that I just stepped onto the side rails and caught my breath. I had that feeling once doing floor work, and when that happened I just held onto the wall until the feeling went away (it was gone in about 30 seconds).

The other thing I noticed is that my heart rate is not dropping back to a “normal” rate as quickly as it used to. I expected my normal to be higher, but I thought that all the cardio work that I have done would continue to show (the stronger you are in cardio, the quicker your heart rate goes from a high zone to a regular rate). But I was staying high much longer than before.

I have no idea if the heart rate thing will be a forever thing while I’m on this medication or if it will get better as my body gets used to taking it. I’m taking notes and will be bringing all of these things up with my doctor next month when we discuss how I’m doing on the medicine as well as if I need to increase the dosage.

But while I’m doing all this adjusting to the heart rate changes, I’m more grateful than ever that I have to wear a heart rate monitor at Orangetheory. Even though I would wear a heart rate monitor at SoulCycle, I never looked at what my heart rate was during the class. I mainly used it to track my calorie burn. But now, I’m really paying attention to what my heart rate is doing and trying to make sure that I stay safe in my workouts.

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I Am Stronger (or How A Tweet Was An Ah-Ha Moment)

Posted on March 13, 2015 | 3 comments

A twitter friend of mine mentioned that they were going to be overhauling their diet and starting to try to get back on track this week. I tweeted my support and told her that if she needed a sounding board or anything, I am here for her. Then she mentioned that she has had issues with food in the past, and then I tweeted something that sounded silly to me at first.

To quote myself: “Eating disorders are a bitch. I just want to prove that I am stronger than it.”

I said it as almost a joke at first. But when I re-read what I wrote, I realized how much that it summed up my feelings about my eating disorder.

This will be a forever battle for me. I know, understand, and accept that. But I’d like to sometimes win that battle.

I know that slip-ups and setbacks are going to happen for the rest of my life. But I’d rather those be rare and “normal” eating be the norm versus the other way around.

I just want to have some wins in my battle. And sadly, those seem to be few and far between.

But I’m working on it. I just got approval from a doctor to take the new medication that is approved for binge eating disorders. I have no idea if this will help me, but the plan is to try the medication for a month and then reevaluate things. There are some side effects that worry me, but I have to try this. If it helps, that would be awesome. If it doesn’t, at least I know I tried it. Any help that I can get in my battle the better.

I wish that motivation could be enough to help me, but sadly it isn’t. And with this new hip surgery dependent on me losing weight, I know I have to do this more than ever. I went through this same thing with my first hip surgery and that is what brought me to doing the UCLA RFO program. While I know that that can get the weight off me, it doesn’t help keep the weight off me (if anything, it makes it worse). So while I’m in the same circumstance as before, I want to do this the right way this time. And since the surgery is not nearly as urgent as the first surgery, I’m allowing myself the time to lose my weight.

I will keep you all updated on how I do on this new medication. Depending on when I have time to pick it up, I might not be able to start taking it until this weekend or possibly even next week (sadly, I cannot pick this up at the 24 hour pharmacy). And even though I will be starting it, the doctor has no idea if the dosage will be correct so even if it works it might take months to start seeing results. I’ve gone through this with my panic meds before, so I know that I need to be patient and maybe this will not be the right medication for me.

But at least I will be finding out if I have a new “weapon” on my side in this battle.

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I Might Have Found My New Hip Surgeon (or Studying My X-Rays Like Crazy)

Posted on March 12, 2015 | 1 comment

This week I finally had my appointment with the new hip specialist at my hospital. While I’m still sad that my first hip surgeon is gone, I was interested to hear what another doctor might say about my issues.

When I found my first hip surgeon, I did get a second opinion. But my second opinion didn’t feel like there was anything seriously wrong with me and that my hip pain was really just muscle pain that wasn’t going away (by that point, I had been in very bad pain for 6 months). So since my original hip surgeon was the one who believed that there was something wrong with me that could be fixed, I trusted his opinion completely. And when he told me that I would still need 3 more surgeries on my hips, I accepted that as what had to be done.

So going in to meet a new surgeon is a little scary. He did have my medical records and was able to review my old surgeon’s notes on my condition and surgery. But as I expected, I needed to get another set of x-rays so this doctor could see how things look today.

So right before my appointment, I visited the orthopedic x-ray room.

Kaiser

I had 2 different types of x-rays done. The standing up ones are pretty easy (and almost totally painless for me). The laying down ones are tough. The way I have to lay with my feet on a chair and my knees out cause me a lot of pain. And when it was time to sit up after the x-rays, my hips locked up and got stuck. I was able to stand up after a minute or so, but all of this just reminded me of how much I needed to meet with the new surgeon and get a game plan going.

The new surgeon was very nice. He had me tell him about my history and my understanding of my past diagnosis and treatment plans. He also asked me about specific pain issues that I’m having. I was able to discuss some of the issues that I have in Orangetheory and how I’d like to be able to gain flexibility and movement again so my workouts might get a bit easier for me.

Then came the surprise to me. The surgeon brought my up x-rays on the screen and pointed out some abnormalities that were never discussed with me by my old surgeon.

My Bones

It’s hard to explain the issues, but the short story of it is that he added a diagnosis of bilateral hip dysplasia with short hip sockets. Basically, my hip sockets are too small for my legs and that because of this I’m putting extra pressure on the outside of my hips. This, along with the bone spurs that were previously discovered, are the reason I needed my first surgery.

The good news about this is that it looks like I might only have one more surgery in my future. All the issues I’m currently dealing with in my right hip (the one that was operated on in 2006) are caused by scar tissue. This cannot really be fixed and sadly I will have to just accept this pain for the rest of my life. I could have another corrective surgery, but that would most likely cause additional scar tissue and make my right hip even worse. But my left hip should only need one surgery and that isn’t going to be a hip replacement!

There are still several steps to go before I have my left hip fixed. First of all, I have to lose more weight. My surgeon gave me a weight that he wants me to be at before he operates on me. Then, once I am close to that weight, I will have to do an MRI to see which of the 2 surgeries that can correct this issue I am eligible for. One of the surgeries has a recovery time of about a month, but it only has a 50/50 success rate. The other surgery has a recovery time of about 6 months, but it has a significantly higher success rate.

It’s a lot of me to think about. I’m been studying my x-rays against x-rays I’m finding online to see if I can understand my diagnosis more. And I’m doing lots of research online as well (but only on more research based websites). It’s a little overwhelming, but knowing that the surgery would be at least a year away makes me feel a lot better.

I have no idea how having this new diagnosis will affect my workouts. Obviously the pain that I’ve been feeling for forever isn’t going to change. But perhaps my coaches will have some ideas of modifications for some exercises that will be better for me. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

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Another Festival Done! (or My Weekend With The Beverly Hills Shorts Festival)

Posted on March 10, 2015 | 1 comment

This past weekend was the Beverly Hills Shorts Festival. It was my second year as co-director of the festival. It’s still a little scary to me that I’m in charge of running a film festival, but I know that I can do it.

Our festival was going to be held at the same location as last year. That made me happy because I know the venue well and at the last festival we didn’t really have any technical issues.

On Friday, we had our opening night party. That is a good way to ease into the festival. It’s a fun party and everyone seems to have a good and relaxing time. I tried to figure out what to wear as a film festival director, and I think I came up with a good outfit.

Opening Night Party Outfit

My job at the party is really to be the hostess for the event. I tried to have fun while I had some amazing volunteers who helped to put together programs and check in our filmmakers. And as I went around the room, it seemed like everyone was having a great time.

Opening Night Party

The next day was the first day of screenings. When I got to the venue, I had to take a picture of their sign promoting our festival.

Busbys Sign

We screening in the ballroom again. The employees there were able to set up the chairs, couches, and bar stools in a way that it was almost like stadium seating.

Empty Theater

On the first day of screenings, it went pretty smoothly. We had some issues with sound because of the noise in the other areas of the venue, but nothing too horrible.

Sunday was our second day of screenings we had our biggest glitch. One of the movies playing was sticking and freezing. While inside I was freaking out, I had to remain calm and handle the situation. I had the employees pause the DVD and I walked in front of the audience to apologize for the technical issues. Then I let them know that we had a backup DVD for that particular film (many of our films didn’t send us a backup so I’m glad this one did) and that we could start the movie over from the backup or to just go back to where we paused it.

Once we got the backup DVD in, things seemed to work better. While I probably looked fine on the outside, I was holding in tears inside. I just want the festival to run smoothly and have all the filmmakers happy. But when I talked to some of the audience later, they all said that they appreciated me coming out to speak about the technical issues and that it was fine. The filmmakers for that particular film didn’t attend, so that probably made things a little easier for me.

We have 7 screenings over the weekend (4 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday). And it pretty much all ran the way that I wanted it to. We also had our awards ceremony on Sunday. And while I don’t love speaking on a microphone in front of a crowd, I love giving out awards!

Before I knew it, the weekend was done and all the filmmakers were thanking me for putting on such a fun festival! I’m still coming down from the adrenaline rush of the festival (and lack of sleep over the weekend). But I had so much fun being co-director again!

I am hoping that the other co-directors can come out to the festival next year because it is way more fun being there with them. But now with 2 festivals under my belt, I feel pretty confident that I can do it again!

And now, I’m going to work on catching up on my sleep!

Post Festival

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Vacation From Meal Planning (or Finding It Hard To Go Back)

Posted on March 6, 2015 | Comments Off on Vacation From Meal Planning (or Finding It Hard To Go Back)

While on my trip, I didn’t worry too much about what I was eating. I knew I’d be drinking a lot more than usual and I didn’t want to stress about counting calories. So I pretty much just entered what I had at breakfast in MyFitnessPal so I wouldn’t lose my record of how many days in a row I’ve tracked my food.

Breakfast was pretty easy. We got a free continental breakfast at the hotel so I had hard-boiled eggs, fruit, and toast. Nothing too crazy. Lunches were pretty sensible as well. I ate more bread type items because I wanted to help soak up some of the alcohol, but the portions were pretty reasonable.

And dinners were more extravagant. We went out for nice dinners the two nights we went out and I got what I wanted without worrying about calories. I had bread at dinner, enjoyed some great pasta one night, and got to enjoy a truly incredible steak (worth the wait!).

We didn’t have dessert any nights and we did some walking each day. So by the end of my trip, while the scale was up a little it wasn’t unreasonable.

My problem has been getting back on track with my food. I have been doing so well for so long, and this week has been extremely difficult for me. I’ve eaten things that I thought I’d be able to avoid and not have as temptations in my house.

I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, but this week was a crazy week. I’m working out at weird times (or at least weird for me), I’m working as second job at night, and I’ve got the film festival I work for this weekend. So I’m not able to eat on the schedule that I’ve been doing in the past. And the stress and tiredness I’ve been dealing with lowers my willpower and doesn’t allow me to make the best choices.

This weekend is going to be pretty bad food-wise. I’m working at the festival both days this weekend from about noon until 11pm. It’s at a bar, so I will be able to order something to eat for a large lunch/dinner meal (I’m thinking about eating a later breakfast and then eating something around 4pm to be it for the day). There are ok choices at the bar, but it’s still going to be food that I didn’t prepare myself. I’m looking at their menu online to try to plan things out the best that I can, knowing that things might get crazy and plans have to be flexible.

But after this weekend, I’m really hoping to get back into the groove that I was in. The big positive I’ve been trying to remind myself is that I’ve only had about a week of slip ups and my weight is still significantly down. I didn’t wait until I gained back all the weight (or all the weight plus some), before realizing that there is a problem and trying to make a change.

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