Category Archives: Tough Stuff

More Progress And Steps Back (or Trying My Hardest)

Posted on February 8, 2016 | 2 comments

I had a long 4 workout week this week. It was long because there were 4 workouts (the 4th workout is still a tough one for me) and it was long because it was a difficult week for me. A majority of the week didn’t have us switching between blocks, so I was spending 30 minutes straight on the treadmill. I was hoping for a run/row day, and never really got one.

Monday was one of those 30 minute treadmill days. I’m still testing myself with my push paces, but I’m really most comfortable at 3.5 miles an hour for my pushes (and 3.4 miles an hour for my base pace). I’d really love it if before my next 5K I could bump both of those paces up .1 miles an hour, but it’s so tough for me to do it. I think I’ve hit a wall with my speed training, and I need to figure out something that will help me get out of that rut.

Besides the long treadmill time, we had some rowing that I didn’t do too much speed one. I wanted to work on my form so I kept things pretty slow. So often I’m the last person getting off the rower when we have rowing, so it doesn’t bother me at all to be much slower than everyone else. We also had a ton of TRX strap work which is starting to be something I’m enjoying more and more. I’m finding that I can push myself a lot more with squats and other leg work because I’m holding on to something that helps me balance. I’ve been scared to push myself too hard because I know when I’m doing bodyweight work my hips hurt. But I’m starting to see that as long as I’m holding on to the straps really tightly and with very little slack in the straps, I can do more than I thought.

Wednesday was another 30 minute treadmill day. The blocks were all 5 minutes long and it really felt more like a 30 minute block and not 4 blocks that were 5 minutes each. Since we only had a minute of walking between blocks and long push paces, it felt like we would never get off the treadmill. But I think I did really great on the treadmill and took pretty limited breaks during the blocks (I look forward to the day that I don’t need to take breaks during the blocks because of pain). Since I was kind of on a high from doing so well on the treadmill, I kept things going with using 20 pound weights on the floor work. Those 20 pound weights are something I’m using a lot more often and I think that it’s a great thing that I’m more and more comfortable using them.

Friday was a pretty tough day. Again, it was another 30 minutes on the treadmill day. I was doing ok for the first few minutes and then my shin splints came back really strong. I have no idea what set them off (I’m doing research on what I’m doing that might be triggering them) but I know that once I feel them I probably won’t get rid of them during the workout. I tried to do my best, but I was doing more like 1 minute on the treadmill and then close to a minute break after. It was on and off like that. My Friday coach, Bruce, encouraged me to lower my incline to help so I spent a good portion of the workout at 2% incline (instead of 4%) and at 3.3 miles an hour. I didn’t feel too great about my work, but I know that doing something is better than nothing. Fortunately, the shin splints didn’t bother me during the floor work and I was feeling better that night.

Just like I have planned, my Saturday workout was done on the bike since it was my 4th workout of the week. I think that was smart anyway because of the shin splints the day before. Of course, this was the day that was closest to the run/run I had been hoping to have all week. It was a run/bodyweight workout. We had short cardio segments (I think the longest I was on the bike was about 3 minutes) and then we jumped off of the cardio equipment and did bodyweight work like squats or calf raises. It was nice to have the workout broken up and I think that I probably could have done the treadmill if I wanted to. There was also rowing before each of the cardio blocks and I was able to get my wattage on the rower pretty high since everything was a sprint.

On the floor, we had a lot of squats, lunges, and crunches. All of these things are pretty fine with me, but I usually don’t push myself too hard because I know for squats and lunges I can get a lot of pain in my hips. One of the lunges we had were lunges where your back leg was on the weight bench and then you did the lunge. I rarely do these because it is so difficult to balance, but I took my time and was able to do them all that way! I’m pretty happy with myself.

So this past week wasn’t really any great progress but wasn’t too much of a set back either. It was more like 1 step forward and 1 step back. But the consistency is paying off and the little improvements I’m making really are making a difference.

This coming week is a 3 workout week, and I’m glad to have a short workout week. Hopefully the shin splints won’t come back and I’ll be able to do my treadmill work. I did just order new calf sleeves to wear because I was feeling my others were a bit stretched out (I’ve had them about 6 months). So think that those might help me this week keep the shin splints away.

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Default ThumbnailFinishing The 12 Days Of Fitness (or Some PRs and Some Setbacks) Default ThumbnailAlmost Back To Normal (or Making Progress) Default ThumbnailNot Too Much Progress (or Just Being Happy With What I Can Do) Default ThumbnailAnother Week Of Progress And Practicing Patience (or Having Some Good Challenges) Default ThumbnailBaby Steps Progress (or Surprising Myself) Default ThumbnailSome Progress and Some Setbacks (or Trying To Set New Workout Goals)

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

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I Support Depression Screenings (or Why Must People Shame Others?)

Posted on January 29, 2016 | Comments Off on I Support Depression Screenings (or Why Must People Shame Others?)

There was an announcement made the other day about the idea that pregnant women and new mothers should be screened for depression. When I read this, I loved the idea right away. 10% of new moms will have some sort of depression and I know that there isn’t always a lot of help that is offered right away. My friends who have had babies have said that the first few weeks after birth can be lonely because they are in their own bubble with the new baby. And if they are depressed and in that isolation, it can be a horrible combination.

I think we are all familiar with some of the horrible stories of when postpartum depression is undiagnosed and new mothers do something drastic like hurt themselves or their children. While screenings can’t prevent all of these incidents, they can help limit them. And knowing that everyone is being screened for depression may help take some of the stigma off of it for new moms.

I don’t have any children, but the idea of postpartum depression has been something I’ve thought about. I have been diagnosed in the past with depression (I still debate if that was the correct diagnosis or if it was really my panic/anxiety disorder being misdiagnosed). While I was being treated for depression my doctor asked me if I was on birth control. When I told her that I was she seemed relieved. I was told that the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy could be pretty bad for me and could make my depression worse. I did some research on postpartum depression and it seems like it’s manageable if diagnosed and treated. Now that I’m not sure if I’ve ever had depression I’m not as worried about it as I was before. But it will be something I bring up when I have kids in the future.

But if people aren’t too familiar with depression and have postpartum depression, they might not know that this is something that can be helped or fixed. And having this screening for new moms will help make sure that everyone is ok.

But after this new announcement, an author shared on Facebook her thoughts about it and it made me pretty mad.

PPD

This is a horrible statement to make. Being diagnosed with depression doesn’t automatically mean getting medication. When I was diagnosed with depression I didn’t get medication. I only got medication after I was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder and then it’s only medication that I take when I need it (which isn’t often). Medication is not the only way to treat depression and in fact it’s rarely the first option.

Saying that all hormonal changes are normal will make women who are suffering from postpartum depression think that they can’t get help or that doctors will ignore their symptoms. Saying that meditation, prayer, nutrition, or love will fix it will make women who don’t see results from those things feel even worse about their depression. Sometimes you need to see a doctor, sometimes you need talk therapy, and yes sometimes you need medication.

As far as I know, none of my friends with kids have had postpartum depression. But if they did, I would have supported them in any way I can. I know that mental illness is not something that you can just wish to go way. You need to get help and there’s nothing wrong with that. And hopefully anyone affected gets the help they need and get through this. Depression is something you can overcome, even if sometimes it feels like you can never get out of the hole you feel trapped in.

If you or someone you know has postpartum depression or is struggling, please reach out and get help. Help is out there for you.

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Default Thumbnail“BLUE” (or Supporting A Friend’s Film) Default Thumbnail1 Week On Vyvanse (or Hoping To Answer Some Questions) Default ThumbnailFeeling So Much Love (or Embarrassed By People Complimenting Me) Default ThumbnailPeople Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video) Default ThumbnailThe Sorority Nobody Wants To Belong To (or Getting Support From Strangers) Default ThumbnailI Know The Holidays Can Be Tough (or Trying To Give Support To My Friends)

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

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Less Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?)

Posted on January 27, 2016 | 1 comment

I had to go in for one of my regular cleanings at the dentist on Monday. I’ve talked about my issues with the dentist before and I hate that I’ve had this problem for so many years. I wish I could be someone who doesn’t think twice about going to the dentist and just shows up and gets the cleaning done with.

But instead, I get horrible nightmares relating to my teeth for the week or so leading up to the appointment (usually they are about my teeth falling out or having massive holes in them). And the morning of the appointment my stomach is horribly upset and my heart is racing. I feel sick until after the hygienist (who is awesome and knows how to deal with my panic attacks) tells me that there is nothing that concerns her. Then I just deal with minor stress through the rest of the appointment (she could always change her mind and see something bad with my teeth) and don’t feel stress free until I’m paying the bill (which I think is what most people get stressed about).

This appointment had to be rescheduled from earlier this month and the only time they could fit me in was in the afternoon. I usually like morning appointments so I can get it over with, but it wasn’t going to work that way for me. So I did my best to get through my day (including a morning workout at Orangetheory) and tried to not freak out too much.

Because I’m on Vyvanse (which is a stimulant), my panic medication (which is a depressant) isn’t as effective as it could be. If I was smart that day, I would have used that day as a day off of Vyvanse and just taken my panic meds. But I didn’t think things through. I took both my morning and lunchtime Vyvanse before my appointment and made sure that I was properly panic medication medicated before going to the dentist.

On a random note, I found out that one of the dental assistants at my dentist’s office isn’t there anymore. She was the one who would always call me before an appointment and remind me to take my medication. She saw me before I started taking it and she joked that she never wanted to see that crazy side of me again. I was pretty out of control at one major appointment and I know it isn’t fair for anyone there to have to deal with me when I’m in the middle of a horrible attack. But I’ve always properly medicated myself since then so I saw her reminders as just something funny and a joke between us.

When I got to the office, my heart was racing and I was shaking and sweating. It wasn’t pretty. And I had to wait a bit for my appointment which seemed to make things worse. Thankfully, when I sat in the chair I was able to relax a bit.

It does help that the hygienist changed the order of the cleaning so that it’s easier on me and my panic attacks. It’s all minor stuff she did, but it’s made a major difference for me.

And I’m shocked to report that even with the higher dosage of Vyvanse plus having taken both pill prior to my appointment that this was the easiest appointment I’ve had in years! I don’t know what changed, but I stopped panicking within a few minutes of the cleaning starting. I usually have bruises on my wrists or arms from where I pinch myself to not focus on the cleaning, but I’m bruise-free! And I’ve had appointments where after I’m done my body aches from shaking through the entire appointment. But this time I don’t know if I was shaking at all!

I don’t get why things are easier on me now. It really should be the opposite. And I’m not over my issues with the dentist because my morning was just as bad as it’s ever been. I just was able to feel normal again much sooner than I usually can.

I really hope that this is a new trend for me. If I can get to the point where I’m only panicking before arriving at the appointment, that would be a huge victory for me! I know that if I need major dental work again in the future that the panic attacks may come back stronger than ever (it was a major dental work appointment that started the attacks). And because genetically I have bad teeth it is very unlikely that I won’t need major work in the future.

But for now, I’m thrilled with the progress I’ve made so far and I’m glad that I don’t have to be back at the dentist for 4 months!

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Getting Out Of A Funk (or A Phone Call Can Change My Mood)

Posted on January 22, 2016 | 2 comments

I’ll admit that I’ve been in a bit of a bad mood the past few days. It’s never fun being in a bad mood, but it’s been tough to escape.

First of all, I’ve been dealing with some health issues. I’ve had gallbladder issues for a while. I have a family history of gallstones and people getting their gallbladder out. I’ve had gallstones for a while and have been told that I should get my gallbladder out eventually, but I haven’t done it yet. My attacks haven’t been frequent enough to significantly bother me and I really don’t want to undergo a surgery. I used to have attacks once a month or so, but I haven’t had an attack in a while.

Then I had one. And while it was awful, I just figured that it happened and I would get another one soon. Then I got another. And another. I’ve had 3 gallbladder attacks this month. I know I should probably go to the doctor to check things out, but these attacks are not as bad as some in the past. All of them have lasted under 10 minutes (compared to hours with them in the past), so I’m hoping that maybe it was just bad luck that I got them back to back.

I’ve also had a bit of a depression regarding paying my taxes this year. 2015 was the first year that all of my income was 1099. I knew that I had to save for my taxes and I did save about 30% of what I made. I also kept track of all of my receipts and mileage and I think I did some amazing record keeping. I’m seeing a new tax preparer this year who specialized in entertainment industry taxes at the end of February and I’m hoping that I have saved enough money to pay everything I owe. Once I know that, my stress level will go down significantly. But until that appointment, it will be a bit of a dark cloud over my head.

And finally, I’m just stressed about work and scheduling. I’ve got a lot coming up and so many of my weekends are jam-packed already. I know that I can get through it, but I have to get through it.

But yesterday, I got some good news about the film festival I work for. I can’t share anything yet, but there may be some very exciting things with the festival coming up soon. Even though nothing is definite (and it won’t necessarily happen any time soon), knowing that it’s a possibility really improved my mood and gave me a nice positive boost in my life. I need to be reminded why I’m working my butt off so hard sometimes. It can be frustrating when all it seems I do are day jobs and I don’t do anything toward my career. And while the film festival isn’t necessarily the career path I’m on, it’s something I love and something that makes me happy. If I spend the rest of my life running the film festival and then auditioning when I can, I would be ecstatic. The festival doesn’t feel like a job to me. Hopefully, in the future the film festival will be my day job but that will take a lot of work and a lot of other factors that I don’t control. But it can be nice to dream.

I’m glad that while my week wasn’t so great, I’m ending it on a good note and am going into the weekend feeling much better about my situation than I have in a while. It’s a good reminder that when you feel like things aren’t going your way, one little thing is all it takes to change that around.

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Posted in Acting, Tough Stuff, Work

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Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

Posted on January 21, 2016 | Comments Off on Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

I while ago, I heard of the book “Fit2Fat2Fit“. It was the story of a personal trainer named Drew who gained 75 pounds so he could understand what it was like for his overweight clients to lose weight. Immediately I was interested and got the book to read. I read it so fast and loved the message that the trainer shared.

Fit2Fat2Fit

So many trainers and coaches out there have never had to deal with a weight problem. They don’t understand the mental and physical toll excess weight puts on a person. They see someone overweight and think that the person is uneducated and just needs to be taught how to work out and eat better. They think it’s just as simple as that.

But that’s not the case at all.

Compared to most of my friends who have never had a weight issue, I’m possibly more educated about nutrition. I can guesstimate calories with the best of them. I know what is good, what is bad, and what is ok as a treat. Every bite I take I know if I should be ok eating it or if it’s something that I need to think of as an ok indulgence. I know the food pyramid, how many servings of each thing I should have each day/week, and how many calories my body takes to be alive. I might not be the most educated on what workout routines I should do, but I’ve got nutrition and food down. I may have an eating disorder, but I don’t have a lack of education.

Lack of education may be the issue for some people, but it isn’t for the majority. We know what we should and shouldn’t do, but there is something else in our bodies saying otherwise. And unless you have been there, you don’t get it. I try to explain it the best I can on here, but I know that the voice in my head is so much louder and more persuasive than I could ever explain.

That is why I loved the book so much. Drew didn’t understand at first that when you are heavy, you might not have the same motivation or energy to work out. Or if you are used to eating fatty foods that your body craves them and that eating healthy doesn’t give you the same joy that food has given you in the past (and you have depended on that joy from food). Once he gained the weight and tried to immediately get back to his old routine, he realized that it was not as easy as that. People don’t need to be educated, they need to be understood and guided to a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve been lucky at Orangetheory that none of my coaches have judged me or have tried to talk down to me because of my weight (that has happened with coaches/personal trainers in the past). They understand that I have an eating disorder and am working my way toward recovery. They get that I need support but not lectures. But I know that not everyone has that experience. As much as I think that all trainers should do this experiment to understand what their clients go through, I understand that it isn’t realistic. But I think reading the book can help them get it.

I’ve loved the book for a while, but I discovered last week that now there is a TV show on A&E with the same name about the same concept. A trainer takes 4 months to gain as much weight as they can and then work with an overweight client to take the weight off together. I’ve seen the first episode so far, and I really enjoyed it (and didn’t hate-watch it like I do with other weight loss shows). The trainer didn’t quite understand that things would be hard when he gained weight at first. But once it was time for him to get back into his regular routine and try to lose the weight, he got it. He understood the food withdrawal and the exhaustion of exercise. He became more empathic about what clients might be going through and saw the journey from the client side instead of the coach side.

I’m sure that all the episodes will follow a similar format, but I think that it is an amazing show to watch. I know that people will still judge me and other’s based on appearance, but hopefully they can understand the issues we face just a little bit more.

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Posted in Fitness, Food, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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A Major Cleanup (or Saying Goodbye To The Old Me)

Posted on January 14, 2016 | 1 comment

A long time ago, I wrote about how I was having issues getting rid of my old clothes. Every single thing in those under bed storage bags had sentimental value to me. There were dresses that I loved, the perfect jeans that I found and bought in every color (it’s not easy finding jeans), and fun clothes that I got as gifts over the years.

I’ve always figured that if I got down to those sizes again, I’ll pull the clothes out of the bag and wear them again. But that post about not getting rid of my clothes was over 3 years ago. I’ve been holding on to those clothes for over 6 years. I don’t have a ton of storage space, but since they were kept under my bed I didn’t think too much about it.

But the other day I just got fed up. I don’t need to keep reminders of who I was when I was at my skinniest. So I took an afternoon, opened up the bags, and started sorting things out.

There were some things that I knew I wouldn’t get rid of. Those included my high school prom dress, my absolute favorite pair of jeans from my skinniest (but only one pair), 2 designer dresses that I got at a discount store and had tailored to fit, and a workout jacket that I love. But almost everything else in those bags I felt could go. I don’t care about a lot of the shirts and sweaters I had been storing. I don’t need to have jeans in every size. So many things aren’t really in fashion right now. And it’s not just that. When I lose weight, I might lose it in a different way so even if I got down to that size again I wouldn’t necessarily fit into those pieces.

After going through my under bed storage and closet (I had a couple of things in there that I didn’t need to keep), I moved on to my entry closet where I keep coats, shoes, and purses. I wasn’t going to get rid of any shoes (I had done that lately and while I have more shoes than some, I don’t have a ton). I got rid of some hoodies that I got at old day jobs and a jacket that I got on clearance but never really loved.

And I seriously had too many purses. I pulled out some of the fancier ones and I have friends who are going to trade me or buy them from me. But I had a lot of purses that I got at a cheap store to wear with a particular outfit and never used the purse again. Or they were so small that they weren’t really ever used because I couldn’t put my phone in there. Like the clothes, there were some purses that were kept for pure sentimental value. I have one designer purse that my grandma gave to me after she heard me say how much I’d love to own one one day (she had the purse and never used it). But I probably pulled 10 purses out of my closet to donate.

In the end, I had 4 very full bags of clothes and purses to donate to people who could really use and need them.

Clothes Donations

It felt so good to get all that stuff out of my house. I don’t miss them at all and things feel less cluttered than they did before. And I’ve rediscovered some clothes and purses that I had forgotten about because they were buried under all the other stuff.

After getting rid of all those clothes and purses, I also felt inspired to work on clearing out my fridge, freezer, and pantry. I’ve bought food that I felt that I should eat. I had some frozen fish, different veggie patties, and other quick meal things. I never ate any of them because they don’t taste good to me. There’s no need for me to keep healthy food in my house that I don’t eat. So a friend of mine took the perishable food from me and I donated the non-perishable stuff. I didn’t replace it with unhealthy things, but I wanted my healthy choices to make me happy and not make me feel guilty that I should eat them. My healthy options don’t have to match everyone else’s.

I probably spent a good chunk of my afternoon and evening cleaning out things from my house, but it feels so amazing now that it’s done. My clothes are only things that I wear now and make me happy. And my fridge and freezer doesn’t make me feel horrible when I’m looking for something to eat and nothing seems good to me. I’m making my house make me happy, and it’s working and I feel the results from that already.

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Shopping, Tough Stuff

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Pushing Myself Enough (or Listening To My Body)

Posted on January 11, 2016 | Comments Off on Pushing Myself Enough (or Listening To My Body)

I had some really great highs in my workout week and one kind of low. But the positives outweigh the negatives and I’m really excited about that.

The biggest thing that I accomplished this past week was continuing to increase my treadmill speed. I’m still sticking with 3.4 miles an hour for my base pace and when I’m starting out. As much as I’d love to increase that to 3.5 miles an hour (where I was before my calf tear), my body is not having it. I’m trying really hard to be ok with that, but I feel like I’ve been stuck at the same speed for a long time and I should be able to increase it. But I’m not going to push myself so hard that I hurt myself again.

But even though my base speed is the same, I’m been testing myself more and more with my push pace and all-out pace. For power walkers, you only have to increase the incline and not the speed. But I’ve been doing both for the past few weeks. I’m very comfortable with 3.5 miles an hour for both my push and all-out speeds so I’m going faster. I’m up to 3.7 miles an hour for my under a minute push and all-out paces (which is awesome!). If I’m in a push pace for over a minute, I’m at 3.6 miles an hour. For the really long pushes (like 3 minutes), I have to go back down to 3.5 miles an hour a bit. But those aren’t too common.

All 3 workouts I went to this week were 30 minutes on the treadmill straight. Those are the hardest for me and I made it through. And not only did I make it through, I pushed myself more and more on the treadmill and am getting closer to the speeds I want to be working at so I can PR on a 5K. So the progress I’m making, even if it seems minor, is really getting me close to where I’ve been wanting to be.

Besides my treadmill work, I was able to do some really great work on the floor. I was using 20 pound weights for a lot of my arm work and my chest presses. And I was using 25 pound weights for my squats (squats have always been a strong point for me). I had a bad day on Friday with my shoulder work and was only able to use 10 pound weights.

But I had a reason that Friday was bad. I had a horrible gallbladder attack on Thursday night/Friday morning. It kept me up most of the night and I was in incredible pain. I toyed with the idea of going to the hospital, but I’ve done that before and there isn’t much that they can do for me. They can give me painkillers (which I already have for my hip) and do an ultrasound to confirm that I’ve got gallstones (had that done before and I do have them). I know that the next step one day will be to have my gallbladder removed like most of the women in my family have, but I’m not close to being there yet. This was my first gallbladder attack in a long time. And when most people are close to having theirs taken out, they have attacks every month (sometimes every week). So this is just a minor inconvenience for me right now.

But this minor inconvenience did cause me to have a not-so-great workout on Friday due to being exhausted. I actually surprised myself by how well I did on the treadmill, but I had to take a bunch of breaks. But after pushing myself on the treadmill I was almost too tired to do the floor work. It really took a toll on me. And I had every intention of doing a workout on Saturday, but after feeling so tired on Friday I knew that the workout on Saturday wouldn’t be in my best interest. So I cancelled it and took that day to rest and recover from not sleeping Thursday night/Friday morning.

Like I said before, the positives really outweighed the negatives. I’m trying to keep focusing on what I did well and not what I wish I could have done better. I’m aware that it’s always baby steps to get to the goals I set for myself, but I’m so impatient! I just always reminding myself that when I started at Orangetheory I was at 3.0 miles an hour on the treadmill and was so excited to be at 3.1 miles an hour because that meant my 5K would be an hour and not over an hour. In about a year and a half I’m almost half a mile faster. So I just can imagine how much faster I’ll be in 4 months (when I have my next 5K), 10 months (when I’m thinking the 5K after my next 5K will be), or in year. It’s going to be great and I can’t try to rush my progress (no pun intended).

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Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

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My 2016 Goals (or I’ve Got Some Big Ideas This Year)

Posted on January 1, 2016 | 2 comments

Happy New Year! I hope that you all got to spend New Years Eve last night with people you love and had a great time (and hopefully not feeling it too much today)! As I’ve done the past few years, I’m sharing what my goals are for this year and what I hope to accomplish.

First is my big workout goal. I want to do 180 workouts in 2016. It’s only 5 more workouts this year than I did last year, but I wanted to make the goal not too much of a stretch. I’d love to pass this goal and do closer to 190, but I also know that life can get in the way and I don’t want to stress out about reaching my goal like I did in 2015. I think it’s very doable and I’ll be tracking my workouts using the same app I did last year (it made this very easy for me). So hopefully in a year I’ll be telling you all how I got this done!

My next goal is to have a new PR for my 5K. This one is going to be difficult for me because I’m still dealing with calf pain, but I think that maybe I can do it. Right now, I have 2 5Ks that I’m planning on doing (the same ones as last year) but I might add another one in there. So there aren’t a ton of opportunities to get a PR, but I will have a ton of time on the treadmill at Orangetheory to work on my speed training. I still have an ultimate PR goal for my 5K (15 minute miles) so I can feel comfortable doing a Disney race, but I know that this goal is very possibly a few years away.

Next on the list is a money goal. Or more like money goals (but I’m combining it into one goal). I want to get my debt down farther, budget better, and even maybe start having more savings than just what I’m saving for my taxes (as a 1099 employee, I will probably owe a lot in taxes). This is not an easy goal. Money is tight and while I wouldn’t say that I have a spending problem, it’s hard to not spend like some of my friends do at times. And those friends sometimes make 4 or 5 times what I make. I’ve been using You Need A Budget for a budgeting app and I think I’ve gotten budgeting close to what I want it to be. However, YNAB just launched a new version and it’s a subscription payment model. I can still use the old version and not have to spend money on the app, but I’m also looking into new apps to use because I don’t want to spend $50/year on a budgeting app when that money could go to something better. I do have an amount in mind as far as reducing my debt goes, but that’s something that I’m going to keep to myself for now.

Next is a fun one. I want to travel more and find more ways to spend time with my friends. While I’m ok with saying no to going to parties and things, I like going on adventures and fun outings. So I want to work on figuring out adventures to go on with my friends so that we can have more fun. And for traveling, I’ve got one trip planned for February with my mom and I’m hoping to do a trip with my sister-in-law in March or April. So that’s a step in the right direction.

I’d also like to do another acting class this year. I think it will probably be the next level at UCB, but I’m open to acting classes that fit into my schedule and my budget. While it’s important for me to keep working on my acting skills, I want to be in another class for other reasons. It’s great meeting new actors, it makes me happy because I get an opportunity to act, and I feel like I’m making progress in my career even if I’m not auditioning. So I feel like this is important for me to do and I feel pretty confident that I’ll be able to get this done.

And finally, I want to be either in recovery from my eating disorder or on my way to recovery. I’m starting to look at my eating disorder as something to research and educate myself on instead of an emotional thing. I’ve been doing reading, listening to podcasts, and using apps for my eating disorder over the past week and I’ve already felt a difference. It’s still a battle that I lose sometimes, but I’m feeling much better about how I’m approaching things this time. And hopefully in a year I will be posting that I’m either in recovery or I’m getting very close to recovery. That would be such a wonderful thing I could accomplish in this year and if it happens I know that it will change my life.

So that’s it for my goals for this year! I think that I’ve got some good plans in mind. And while they won’t be easy to get done, they are not completely out of my reach. I’d love to hear some of the goals that you have for the coming year and hopefully we can keep each other on track!

Happy 2016!

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Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Saving, Tough Stuff, Travel

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2015 Recap (or How I Did On My Goals)

Posted on December 31, 2015 | 1 comment

It’s the last day of 2015! The year went by super quickly and I can’t believe it’s New Years Eve tonight! First, I want to wish you all a happy new year. And if you are going to be out drinking tonight, please don’t drive.

Now it’s time to look back at my 2015 goals and see how I did.

The first goal that I set for myself was to do 175 workouts this year. Technically, at the time I’m writing this post it hasn’t been completed yet. But that’s because my 175th workout will be at 12:15pm today! I can’t believe that I made this goal! I had so many setbacks with being sick and injured and it seemed impossible for a while. But I really planned it out for the past few months to make sure I got in all the workouts that I needed and I got it done! Not only did I do my 175 workouts (by this afternoon), I made giant strides in my workouts. I’m lifting heavier and my form is so much better. I’m not just working out more, I’m working out harder and smarter. Those are important accomplishments to remember too.

My next goal was to have 4 home cooked dinners a week. This one I kind of failed at. I definitely got less take out and delivery than I have in the past, but I ate a lot of prepared and frozen meals. I guess it is the lesser of two evils, but making dinners myself would have been much better. I think saying that I would cook 4 dinners a week at home were a bit ambitious, but when I started bulk cooking I really thought I had found the perfect solution for me. But then life got in the way and I didn’t do it anymore. While I think that bulk cooking might be great for me, I need to figure out a better way to do it. Maybe only bulk cooking one part of the meal and then mixing it up will be better for me. Or only cooking 2 or 3 meals at a time and not 4 or 5. I’m not giving up on this idea, but I think I need to do some more baby steps.

Next on my 2015 goals was to be down to 2 main day jobs not counting babysitting and the film festival. I’m pretty much there with this goal. I have my 2 main day jobs both from home and I’ve added another sporadic day job doing box office work for an old boss of mine. But technically, I’m down to 2 jobs and I’m finally getting into a more stable place financially (although I’m not making as much as I’d like yet).

Next on the list is something I’m very happy that I was able to accomplish. It was getting into an improv class this year and I finally did it after having it on my goal list for several years! I’m so glad that I took the class at UCB and I keep checking the schedule to see if there is a 201 class that fits into my schedule (nothing yet and I technically don’t have the money yet). But even though I’m not signed up for 201, I still got the first class done and got over my issues with going back into an improv class!

I had also hoped to have traveled more this year. That goal was kind of accomplished by going to Napa and a couple of family trips to San Diego, but I don’t really think I can successfully check this one off the list. I’m taking steps on making sure I travel more in 2016 (I’ve already got 1 trip planned with my mom) but I know that I didn’t do as much traveling as I hoped to do in 2015.

And my final goal for 2015 was to keep blogging, which clearly I did!

I’d say that while I didn’t accomplish everything that I had hoped to do in 2015, I really did get a lot done and I definitely view 2015 as a successful year!

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Moving Forward With Therapy (or Educating Myself)

Posted on December 24, 2015 | Comments Off on Moving Forward With Therapy (or Educating Myself)

I saw my therapist the other day. It had been a while since I had seen him and there were several things I wanted to discuss with him. First, I wanted to make sure that none of the pain that I’ve been dealing with lately have to do with my medication (they don’t). I also wanted to show off the happiness checklist that I had worked on since our last session. I think that he’s still shocked that I am keeping this up, but he’s encouraging me to keep going.

The main thing we discussed of course was my experience so far on Vyvanse. It’s a mixed feeling for me. I feel that it is making a little bit of difference, but it’s not as much difference as I would like or expected. And while I do have prescription coverage on my health insurance, it’s not cheap to be on daily medication. The main thing I told my therapist is that I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on it yet, but I’m still torn on my feelings. He knows my hesitation with upping the dosage because there’s only so much you can take in a day, but his recommendation was to increase the dosage a little.

Before, I was taking 20mg twice a day (morning and lunchtime). Now, I’ll be taking 30mg in the morning and 20mg at lunchtime. So far, it’s going really well. But that’s how it is every time I start a new dose. My body loves the feeling of it because it’s an increase, but I can’t keep increasing it forever. I’m hoping that this dose will continue to work past those first few days, but I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I am having other positive side effects from the medicine, so that’s good. My panic/anxiety disorder has gotten much better and more manageable (the opposite of what usually happens on Vyvanse). I also have more focus and can concentrate on work without being distracted as easily.

The other thing I discussed with my therapist is that I’m really working on taking a more active approach to battling my eating disorder. I don’t think I’ve really been passive, but there is so much more that I can do and I’m going to make an effort at it. I’ve downloaded some apps that are designed for people with eating disorders to be able to focus on the disorder and keep things objective and not subjective. Part of these apps is a reminder to eat. While you’d think that I wouldn’t need a reminder to eat, forgetting to eat is a big part of my problem. It’s mainly lunch that I forget and by the time I remember I’m starving and want to eat everything in sight. So having a reminder to eat is helpful.

I’ve also started listening to a podcast about binge eating disorders. I’ve only listed to a few episodes so far, but I’m really enjoying it. While some of the stories aren’t exactly stories that I can relate to, it’s helpful to hear what other people have done that may or may not have worked. It gives me ideas of things to try to help myself.

I’ve also gotten a couple of books about binge eating disorder to read. I’ve had some of them for a while but never felt motivated to read them (I only felt motivated when I bought them). So I’m starting with “Brain Over Binge”. I’ve heard lots of good things about this book, so I’m hoping that it will help me a bit.

With all these new things that I’m doing to work on my eating disorder, my therapist has decided that unless I feel like I need to see him sooner I don’t need to be back for six months. This is definitely a big step and even though I know that I can see him sooner if I need to, I’m hoping that I can make it through six months on my own and feeling ok about things. I’ve already scheduled my appointment for six months from now so I don’t accidentally schedule something else that day. And I’m going to be continuing my with happiness checklist so I’ll have six months of tracking to bring to my next appointment.

I have no idea if after six months I’ll continue with the Vyvanse, but I have to say that I feel more positive and that getting my eating disorder under control is closer to me now than it ever has been.

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