I saw my therapist the other day. It had been a while since I had seen him and there were several things I wanted to discuss with him. First, I wanted to make sure that none of the pain that I’ve been dealing with lately have to do with my medication (they don’t). I also wanted to show off the happiness checklist that I had worked on since our last session. I think that he’s still shocked that I am keeping this up, but he’s encouraging me to keep going.
The main thing we discussed of course was my experience so far on Vyvanse. It’s a mixed feeling for me. I feel that it is making a little bit of difference, but it’s not as much difference as I would like or expected. And while I do have prescription coverage on my health insurance, it’s not cheap to be on daily medication. The main thing I told my therapist is that I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on it yet, but I’m still torn on my feelings. He knows my hesitation with upping the dosage because there’s only so much you can take in a day, but his recommendation was to increase the dosage a little.
Before, I was taking 20mg twice a day (morning and lunchtime). Now, I’ll be taking 30mg in the morning and 20mg at lunchtime. So far, it’s going really well. But that’s how it is every time I start a new dose. My body loves the feeling of it because it’s an increase, but I can’t keep increasing it forever. I’m hoping that this dose will continue to work past those first few days, but I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I am having other positive side effects from the medicine, so that’s good. My panic/anxiety disorder has gotten much better and more manageable (the opposite of what usually happens on Vyvanse). I also have more focus and can concentrate on work without being distracted as easily.
The other thing I discussed with my therapist is that I’m really working on taking a more active approach to battling my eating disorder. I don’t think I’ve really been passive, but there is so much more that I can do and I’m going to make an effort at it. I’ve downloaded some apps that are designed for people with eating disorders to be able to focus on the disorder and keep things objective and not subjective. Part of these apps is a reminder to eat. While you’d think that I wouldn’t need a reminder to eat, forgetting to eat is a big part of my problem. It’s mainly lunch that I forget and by the time I remember I’m starving and want to eat everything in sight. So having a reminder to eat is helpful.
I’ve also started listening to a podcast about binge eating disorders. I’ve only listed to a few episodes so far, but I’m really enjoying it. While some of the stories aren’t exactly stories that I can relate to, it’s helpful to hear what other people have done that may or may not have worked. It gives me ideas of things to try to help myself.
I’ve also gotten a couple of books about binge eating disorder to read. I’ve had some of them for a while but never felt motivated to read them (I only felt motivated when I bought them). So I’m starting with “Brain Over Binge”. I’ve heard lots of good things about this book, so I’m hoping that it will help me a bit.
With all these new things that I’m doing to work on my eating disorder, my therapist has decided that unless I feel like I need to see him sooner I don’t need to be back for six months. This is definitely a big step and even though I know that I can see him sooner if I need to, I’m hoping that I can make it through six months on my own and feeling ok about things. I’ve already scheduled my appointment for six months from now so I don’t accidentally schedule something else that day. And I’m going to be continuing my with happiness checklist so I’ll have six months of tracking to bring to my next appointment.
I have no idea if after six months I’ll continue with the Vyvanse, but I have to say that I feel more positive and that getting my eating disorder under control is closer to me now than it ever has been.